394. What is the pursuer-distancer relationship dynamic?

psychologyofyour20s

When one person tries to get closer to someone else, and the other person pulls away in response, they might be experiencing a pursuer-distancer dynamic. This can create a very painful cycle, where communication breaks down, each side blames the other, and ultimately, nobody has their needs met. In this episode, we explore the stages of a pursuer-distancer cycle, unpack why we’re drawn to relationships like this, and learn how to break the cycle so we can enjoy more happy, fulfilled relationships.

We explore: 

  • What the pursuer-distancer dynamic looks like
  • The psychology of why romantic opposites ‘attract’
  • What’s going on in the mind or a pursuer and distancer
  • Pursuer-distancer burnout - and when the pursuer final quits...
  • How we can heal a pursuer-distancer cycle
  • Can pursuer-distancer dynamics work in our 20s?

A note that this episode contains content about abusive relationships.

Listen now!

ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/copy-of-book 

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com 
 
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

More description

When one person tries to get closer to someone else, and the other person pulls away in response, they might be experiencing a pursuer-distancer dynamic. This can create a very painful cycle, where communication breaks down, each side blames the other, and ultimately, nobody has their needs met. In this episode, we explore the stages of a pursuer-distancer cycle, unpack why we’re drawn to relationships like this, and learn how to break the cycle so we can enjoy more happy, fulfilled relationships.

We explore: 

  • What the pursuer-distancer dynamic looks like
  • The psychology of why romantic opposites ‘attract’
  • What’s going on in the mind or a pursuer and distancer
  • Pursuer-distancer burnout - and when the pursuer final quits...
  • How we can heal a pursuer-distancer cycle
  • Can pursuer-distancer dynamics work in our 20s?

A note that this episode contains content about abusive relationships.

Listen now!

ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/copy-of-book 

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com 
 
The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

2026-03-12 39 min Transcript
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