Who Should You Love?

We have been reflecting on Charity, the virtue by which we love God above all things for his own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God. Our standard for charity towards those around us is God’s love. In fact, Christ explicitly gave us this standard, saying, “A new commandment I give you: love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34), that is, selflessly and sacrificially. Consequently, whether we have genuine charity for our neighbors depends on whether we’re willing to give selflessly and sacrificially for their sakes. Notice that Our Lord doesn’t offer this principle as advice, but as a commandment; we’re obliged to love selflessly and sacrificially. As Christians, we’re obliged to spend time with people we don’t enjoy, to be kind to our enemies, to give generously to the poor, to strive for reconciliation with estranged family members, and to show our affection for people we don’t get along with.

The Virtue of Charity means practicing the Works of Mercy, both bodily and spiritual. The seven corporeal works of mercy are those which care for the bodily wants of our brothers and sisters. They are: Feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, sheltering the homeless, clothing the naked, ransoming the captive, caring for the sick and imprisoned, and burying the dead. The chief opportunity for us to lend material aid to those in need is in giving alms; our financial donations are a critical aspect of fraternal charity, and a work pleasing to God.

The spiritual works of mercy are those which promote the welfare of souls. They are instructing, counseling, admonishing, comforting, praying for the living and the dead, forgiving willingly, and bearing wrongs patiently. While it is necessary to do all we can to ensure that all people have the basic physical necessities there is the CCC states “another hunger from which men are perishing: "Man does not live by bread alone, but . . . by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God,"…There is a famine on earth, "not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LORD" (CCC 2835) People come to God through other people.  It is your responsibility to help your spouse, kids, and friends into a deep friendship with Jesus, and you will be held accountable for this just as we are held accountable to take care of the poor, first in our own families and then beyond. This is why it is so necessary and so fulfilling to cultivate a way life of Invitation, Hospitality, Friendship, Good Conversation and inviting others to Pray the Rosary with us.

So whom should you love? Christians are supposed to love everybody, but remember that virtue is ordered love, and there’s an order to our love of neighbor as well. When you’re prioritizing your love, the two main things to consider are a person’s need and relationship to you. After that, you go based on whatever other circumstances make you more closely connected to one person rather than another.

First we need to consider a person’s relationship to us. God has designed us to feel a greater affection for those nearest to us. We have a natural affection for our family, our friends, our coworkers. This phenomenon isn’t just some evolutionary, tribalistic, adaptive trait: it’s God’s way of encouraging us to love those around us, those with whom we’re likely to come into close contact. God doesn’t want us loving coldly, abstractly, at a distance: He wants us to love the people in front of us, with us in our lives. And so He makes it pleasing to love those to whom we’re more closely connected.

Second, consider helping others a source of joy. Because it gives joy, and it forces you to stop obsessing about your own issues, when you help people who are really in need.