211: Vanessa Van Edwards - How To Be Instantly Irresistible

Episode 211: Vanessa Van Edwards - How To Be Instantly Irresistible

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"Vulnerability is sexy. There is science to prove it."

Show Notes:

• Sustained Excellence = Being a people reader (not a mind reader)
  • Try to listen to others more than anyone else
  • Get to KNOW the person
  • 3 Skills
    • Decoding - Leaders who are able to read others accurately
    • Encoding - Your ability to send accurate signals to others... What can I do to excite others?
    • Self-Regulation
• The art/science of inspiring others
• We decide if someone is a winner or a loser... Do they feel pride or shame? If we feel pride, we take up more space, shame = less space
• Charisma -- How to be instantly irresistible?
• The most charismatic people
  • High Warmth
  • High Competence
  • Must have both
  • Lucille Ball is a great example. I Love Lucy
• Do you need high levels of charisma to be an effective leader?
  • You do not need to be extroverted... Or a booming leader
  • Quiet, contemplative types can be phenomenal leaders
• How to handle a room with a lot of people networking if you're an introvert?
  • Your key in this room is to try and create 1 on 1 conversations. Play to your strengths
  • Don't stand in the center of the room
  • Stand at a high bar table
  • Low light areas
• Conversation hacks:
  • Sparks - The brain looks for hits, not misses
  • "Anything good happen lately?
  • "Working on anything exciting?"
• Ask soft yes/no questions...
  • "A really skilled decoder is a better listener than anyone else"
• "Vulnerability is sexy. There is science to prove it."
• "Relatability comes down to ties." -- Saying "Oh, me too" creates a tie with that person.
  • "You want this, I want this..." type speeches
• The 7 micro-expressions

"The most charismatic people have: high warmth and high competence."

Social Media:

• Follow Noah on Twitter: @vvanedwards
• Read: Captivate
• Connect with me on LinkedIn
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• To Follow Me on Twitter: @RyanHawk12

More Learning:

Episode 078: Kat Cole – From Hooters Waitress To President of Cinnabon

Episode 071: NateBoyer - Green Beret, Texas Football, The NFL

Episode 179: How To Sustain Excellence - The Best Answers From 178 Questions

Episode 107: Simon Sinek – Leadership: It Starts With Why

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