Two questions that will tell you if your life has meaning
Despite years of meditation, I still struggle to sit still without reaching for a distraction. Red lights are the worst. My hand just… goes to my phone. Not because anything urgent is happening. Because I don’t want to be bored.
As Arthur Brooks argues, this reflex is part of a much bigger problem: a modern “doom loop.” We use our phones the way people use alcohol—not for pleasure, but for relief. Relief from boredom, anxiety, and the low-grade discomfort of being alone with our own minds.
But here’s the trap: The more we distract ourselves from those feelings, the emptier we feel. The big questions of our lives exist within those uncomfortable moments. And if you never let those questions arise, you slowly starve your life of meaning.
To reclaim meaning, Arthur offers a simple two-question exam:
Why am I alive?
What would I be willing to die for?
To answer these questions, you need something modern life is very good at destroying: space. So how do you get it back? Arthur has two suggestions:
Act like a rebel. Think of modern technology as a system designed to hijack your attention for profit. Which means reclaiming your attention isn’t self-help, it’s defiance.
Impose constraints on your tech use. You probably won’t quit your phone, but you can create structure:
No devices for the first and last hour of the day
No phones during meals
Designate tech-free spaces (bedroom, etc.)
Once a year, try a multi-day break (retreat, nature, silence)
Since interviewing Arthur recently, I have gotten much more disciplined about implementing tech-free spaces at the beginning and end of each day, and I have found it to be incredibly helpful.
I’ll leave you with a quick little anecdote. I remember vividly, back around 2007, shortly after I got my first iPhone, I was standing in an airport, waiting for a flight, doing an early version of doom-scrolling. I recall thinking, “I’ll never be bored again.” But it turns out that the cultural achievement of “solving” boredom came at a high cost to the species.
Reacquainting yourself with boredom ain’t easy, but it’s worth it. When you remove constant stimulation, something interesting happens in the brain; your default mode network kicks on. That’s when reflection, integration, and meaning-making occur. In other words: the mind only starts to make sense of your life when you stop interrupting it.
For more on why the modern world makes meaning so hard to find and practical tips to rediscover a deeper purpose, listen to my episode with Arthur Brooks. Arthur’s latest book, The Meaning of Your Life, just hit the shelves. Get your copy now.
Also out is my episode with renowned addiction expert Gabor Maté, who shares five steps to stop scrolling, bingeing, and self-medicating—and reclaim your brain.
Over on the 10% with Dan Harris app:
Join me and Teacher of the Month Susa Talan for a live meditation and Q&A tomorrow (Tuesday, April 7 at 4 p.m. ET) on Zoom. Drop your questions for us in the event post on the app here.
Upcoming events in person:
On May 17, join me for a conversation with Allison Gilbert at 92NY in NYC about how self-awareness and self-compassion can transform not only our inner lives but our relationships. Get tickets here.
Tickets for the next Meditation Party are available here! Jeff Warren, Sebene Selassie, and I are doing another version of our annual retreat this Oct. 16-18. It’s at the Omega Institute in upstate NY. Think four big sessions of meditation, conversation, and Q&A—with plenty of free time to hike the 240-acre campus, play some pickleball, shoot hoops, or just relax by the lake. You can also drop into yoga or tai chi classes, and on Saturday night there’s even a dance party (totally optional, I promise).
Sign up for the 10% with Dan Harris app
Paid subscribers to the new 10% with Dan Harris app get:
Guided Meditations: A library of guided sessions to help with stress, anxiety, focus, sleep, annoying people, and more.
Meditation Challenges: Structured programs to deepen your practice with clear goals, daily guidance, and community support.
Live Meditation and Q&A Sessions: Every week, meditate live with me and some of the best meditation teachers on earth. Ask questions. Get actual answers.
The 10% Happier Podcast: Subscribers get access to ad-free versions of my pod. Both the new episodes and the entire archive, stretching back almost 10 years.
Community Connection: Join conversations with thousands of other practitioners who get it. Share your struggles, celebrate wins, get support when you need it.
Join the party.
More description
Despite years of meditation, I still struggle to sit still without reaching for a distraction. Red lights are the worst. My hand just… goes to my phone. Not because anything urgent is happening. Because I don’t want to be bored.
As Arthur Brooks argues, this reflex is part of a much bigger problem: a modern “doom loop.” We use our phones the way people use alcohol—not for pleasure, but for relief. Relief from boredom, anxiety, and the low-grade discomfort of being alone with our own minds.
But here’s the trap: The more we distract ourselves from those feelings, the emptier we feel. The big questions of our lives exist within those uncomfortable moments. And if you never let those questions arise, you slowly starve your life of meaning.
To reclaim meaning, Arthur offers a simple two-question exam:
Why am I alive?
What would I be willing to die for?
To answer these questions, you need something modern life is very good at destroying: space. So how do you get it back? Arthur has two suggestions:
Act like a rebel. Think of modern technology as a system designed to hijack your attention for profit. Which means reclaiming your attention isn’t self-help, it’s defiance.
Impose constraints on your tech use. You probably won’t quit your phone, but you can create structure:
No devices for the first and last hour of the day
No phones during meals
Designate tech-free spaces (bedroom, etc.)
Once a year, try a multi-day break (retreat, nature, silence)
Since interviewing Arthur recently, I have gotten much more disciplined about implementing tech-free spaces at the beginning and end of each day, and I have found it to be incredibly helpful.
I’ll leave you with a quick little anecdote. I remember vividly, back around 2007, shortly after I got my first iPhone, I was standing in an airport, waiting for a flight, doing an early version of doom-scrolling. I recall thinking, “I’ll never be bored again.” But it turns out that the cultural achievement of “solving” boredom came at a high cost to the species.
Reacquainting yourself with boredom ain’t easy, but it’s worth it. When you remove constant stimulation, something interesting happens in the brain; your default mode network kicks on. That’s when reflection, integration, and meaning-making occur. In other words: the mind only starts to make sense of your life when you stop interrupting it.
For more on why the modern world makes meaning so hard to find and practical tips to rediscover a deeper purpose, listen to my episode with Arthur Brooks. Arthur’s latest book, The Meaning of Your Life, just hit the shelves. Get your copy now.
Also out is my episode with renowned addiction expert Gabor Maté, who shares five steps to stop scrolling, bingeing, and self-medicating—and reclaim your brain.
Over on the 10% with Dan Harris app:
Join me and Teacher of the Month Susa Talan for a live meditation and Q&A tomorrow (Tuesday, April 7 at 4 p.m. ET) on Zoom. Drop your questions for us in the event post on the app here.
Upcoming events in person:
On May 17, join me for a conversation with Allison Gilbert at 92NY in NYC about how self-awareness and self-compassion can transform not only our inner lives but our relationships. Get tickets here.
Tickets for the next Meditation Party are available here! Jeff Warren, Sebene Selassie, and I are doing another version of our annual retreat this Oct. 16-18. It’s at the Omega Institute in upstate NY. Think four big sessions of meditation, conversation, and Q&A—with plenty of free time to hike the 240-acre campus, play some pickleball, shoot hoops, or just relax by the lake. You can also drop into yoga or tai chi classes, and on Saturday night there’s even a dance party (totally optional, I promise).
Sign up for the 10% with Dan Harris app
Paid subscribers to the new 10% with Dan Harris app get:
Guided Meditations: A library of guided sessions to help with stress, anxiety, focus, sleep, annoying people, and more.
Meditation Challenges: Structured programs to deepen your practice with clear goals, daily guidance, and community support.
Live Meditation and Q&A Sessions: Every week, meditate live with me and some of the best meditation teachers on earth. Ask questions. Get actual answers.
The 10% Happier Podcast: Subscribers get access to ad-free versions of my pod. Both the new episodes and the entire archive, stretching back almost 10 years.
Community Connection: Join conversations with thousands of other practitioners who get it. Share your struggles, celebrate wins, get support when you need it.
Join the party.
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