Dear Hank & John

Should we fear a locust apocalypse? Will listening to Japanese while I sleep help me remember it? How do I remain confident in my art around older, more experienced artists? And more!

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Why won't people accept my tissues? Should half-wolf children be vaccinated? What do I do when I see a stranger crying in public? And more!

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What do I do while people are singing "Happy Birthday"? What are mushrooms even? Is it okay to want people to not be wrong? And more!

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How do I go about my secret fiddle long con? Why do almost all zippers have the letters YKK on them? Do bugs ever have a destination in mind when they walk around aimlessly? And more!

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How do gas planets work? What is proper door etiquette? Is Hank going to put the lime in the coconut and drink it all together? And more!

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Where all all the dead birds? Should I really live each day of my life like it's my last? Am I a fraud for being a social chameleon? And more!

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What is my actual favorite color? At what point in the day do I switch to "have a good night" as my go-to courtesy? What do I do when The Big One hits? And more!

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Why are there holes in crackers? What is proper hot tub etiquette? Can I snapchat politicians about immigration reform? And more!

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How do I organize someone else's books? How do I justify the money allocated to extending my life? How does tug of war work? And more!

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How do I dad? Are expiration dates just suggestions? What do I call the people I work with? Do I really need to get drunk on my twenty-first birthday? And more!

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Should I sell cold, fresh potty water? Why don't we write phonetically? Why do I like all this sad stuff? And more!

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Are bell peppers airtight? How do I quit smoking? Why is that new baby smell so good? And more!

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Do fish swim? Is Hank snapchatting? How do I stop my earphones from getting tangled? How do I deal with a job that I hate? And more!

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Will my laptop sterilize me? Do you like (or write) fanfiction? Where is the rest of the lizard whose tail I found in my room? And more!

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What are nerdfighters fighting? How do I learn to enjoy physical activity? How do I stop talking about Mars in my sleep? And more!

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Why isn't John on Hank's Top 8 on MySpace? What is the correct way to eat an Oreo? Is my can opener a sign that I've entered an alternate universe? And more!

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How do you define adulthood? Is it slice of pizza or piece of pizza? How do I reclaim my armrest when I'm in the middle seat? And more!

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Is Pizza John inherently unsexy? Should I court familial disaster? Where else can I seek dubious advice? And more! AFC update tag music is 'News Sting' by Kevin MacLeod. http://incompetech.com

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How do I mourn a mug? What if it had been Vlogsisters instead of Vlogbrothers? How do I navigate roommatedom? And more!

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Where are all the Bob Ross paintings? Why is a minor injury more painful to me than literal childbirth? How do I get myself a surprise party? And more!

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Should I feel guilty about liking Hamilton? Why aren't we talking about our impending death by Yellowstone? Should I be saving all my burrito money for the economic apocalypse? And more!

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How do I find joy when my main source of it has been taken away? How do I deal with my unfortunate name, which is not Ryan? How do I handle compliments? How do I deal with over-the-top laughter? How do I deal with the closest thing there is to death? And more!

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Why do people put up with banana opportunity cost? How do I deal with bird attacks? Chemtrails: what's up with them? And more!

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Am I making unethical sandwich decisions? Am I a sucker for not cheating in school? Do we need drive-thru reform? Why do farts smell worse in the shower? And more!

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Have we checked in on the bees? What would happen if you lost your big toe? How do you stir hot cocoa efficiently? And more!

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How Canadian am I, really? How should I unpack? How do I reconcile my ideals with my actions? And more!

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How do I overcome pizza betrayal? What's the deal with sesame seeds? How do I solve my sibling ball crisis? What do I do in Montana? How do I deal with my driving anxiety? And more!

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Why don't bugs die when we flick them? Why do we talk the way we do? What's the deal with dollars in movies? How much would it cost to buy the world a coke? And more!

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How do you reattach John's head? Why aren't supreme court justices chosen more efficiently? How do you hug? Does Mars have seasons? Why don't people eat grass like cows?

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Is there a secret planet opposite ours? Is strawberry flavor fooling us all? How can we be better listeners? Why do people ghost other people?

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Am I Lisa Turtle or Screech? What would happen to lava on the sun? After blowing ones nose, why does one look into the Kleenex? Coconuts are hairy an make milk, are they mammals? When does the early 2000s become "The Turn of the Century"? AND OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

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Can I eat expired Mac N Cheese? What would you do if you only had 300 subscribers on YouTube? Is a kitty on my lap an excuse for tardiness? What if you dumped the sun into a massive MASSIVE bucket of water? What do you do when someone asks you a question that you aren't ready to answer?

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Why do we fall for clickbait? Why do smells become normal? Why do we call aluminum foil "tin foil?" Why do people always ask where I'm from? My name is boring! Are four-sided bananas safe to eat?! THESE AND OTHER QUESTIONS, ANSWERED FOR YOU TODAY!

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Can create fresh water by boiling the sea with a giant magnifying glass? Is suffering necessary for us to appreciate the beauty in life? What about asteroids and super-volcanos! Should a heart be judged by how much it loves or by how much it's loved?

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Should I give up on my dreams of changing the world? Is mayonnaise an instrument? Why are DVD cases not squares? Can you burn a cucumber? Does the moon have Earth eclipses? Do you have anonymous social profiles?

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What do you do when your couple friends stop hanging with single you? Should we imagine evil people complexly? Could you light Saturn on fire? How long could humans survive only eating humans? And then we discuss our over/unders for age of death.

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Do you need to be a Patreon supporter to get your question answered? How do I make my partner comfortable at his first Christmas with my family? Why are mini-M&Ms better than the regular kind? Why do we always assume life needs water? And an important update from Sweden!

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Why are there no feral cows? What are you looking at? Should you say "Bless You" when someone coughs? What would happen if the magnetic poles reversed? How do I keep my nerves from getting the best of me (while playing competitive Pokemon)? What can we do to make the conversation around religion less awful? And more questions answered here at Dear Hank and John! And YES the new Wimbledon stadium at Plough Lane has been approved!! Edited by Nick Jenkins. Music by Gunnarolla.

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Did we discover the periodic table, or did we invent it? How do you start running a business with friends? How would one go about crashing the moon into the Earth? Is an emoji a word? And finally, most importantly, when is it ok to start listening to Holiday music?

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How do I choose an ethical engagement ring? There's a wasp trapped in my dorm room! How do I know which arm rest is mine at the movie theater? And a question about grammar...from our father. Also, we have a patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/dearhankandjohn

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Why are we so obsessed with zombies? What do you do if your dentist tries to talk to you when you obviously can't talk? How do beat my girlfriend's gift skills? Should I try to re-kindle a friendship with someone who I did something nasty to? AND OTHER QUESTIONS answered here, today, on Dear Hank and John.

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How do you learn new things as an adult? Oral surgery advice? Worrying about hexagons and etc!

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Should I cave to my parents and have them at my wedding? Are we just cats? Why does 98 degrees feel hot if that's my body temperature? How do I read slow books? What do you do when your loved one is in a pyramid scheme? Hank Green and John Green have answers!

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Should I watch YouTube ads? How do I make friends with my old neighbors? What do I do when my daughter won't sleep because she's always on the internet? When is it worth arguing on the internet? Will climate change mess with forecasts?

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How do I balance my marriage with my career? What if your job isn't morally ambiguous? Is there something wrong with me if I am informed but also not sure who to vote for?

But boy do we spend a lot of time on that first one because we clearly think about it a lot! Also...WATER ON MARS!

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How do I stop projecting onto people? What do you do when you get pigeonholed as "the smart kid"? Is English class valuable? And of course...do you have any advice for new drivers...of course we do...be very careful and do not kill us.

NOTE: This was recorded before the big Mars news that was released today but, oddly enough, Hank talks about the thing that the news is about which is a bit confusing. Sorry about that.

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Hey! Let's talk about Patrick Rothfuss's beard! Also, talking with Nathalie, falling asleep instead of singing, and how to run a press junket. It's a pretty weird and varied episode of Dear Hank and John! A comedy podcast about death.

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What is art? Should we lower the drinking age? What kind of liquor is the best? Who should I play with on Mario Kart? How do decrease my impact on the environment without money? What do you do when "The One" leaves you? And OTHER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!!

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Do other people exist? How do I become a good middle school teacher? How do I know if I'm being egotistical? What is "home" and will I ever find it? And a secret that Hank has never told anyone and is totally ashamed of!

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How do you make friends? What's your favorite planet? What would happen if you fell into Jupiter? Is it all downhill from 30? What sports did you play? If you could be a prodigy at any one thing what would it be?

Edited by Nicholas Jenkins.Theme music by Gunnarolla.

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