The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz

"I got six legs for ya. AYE. YOOOOOO."

JuJu is feeling good off another win for Thursday Thunder and takes a big swing, before weighing in on the Jarrett Allen no-call from last night, handing out some show awards, and recapping the polls.

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"Yeah, hold on, I'm moving the horse fart."

Ron Magill is fresh into his retirement and back on our airwaves, discussing everything from horse farts to Greg Cote's stomach sounds to sloth bears, and even Dan helping ducks cross the street. He also tells us about his campaign to have the flamingo rightfully established as the state bird of Florida. Plus, the Edmonton Oilers have fired head coach Chris Knoblauch, Ari Shaffir is this week's guest on South Beach Sessions, Daniil Medvedev is over it, and Zaslow has a hard time telling White Tamara how much money he spends on wrestling.

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"You're gonna go into battle against Nathan MacKinnon with Aho?"

The gang dives into the reasons why James Harden, despite being an all-time great, is viewed so negatively by NBA fans. Is he the poster child for the NBA changing in a way that many people have not liked? What have we ever heard James Harden say other than Daryl Morey is a liar? Off of maybe the strangest livestream we've ever done last night, Mike tells us why this is the earliest in the playoffs he's known who will win the title in both the NBA and the NHL.

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"Save yourself the time, Dan. Just be a narcissist."

Jorge Sedano has worn a robe many times in his life and joins us from Los Angeles to further the discussion on LeBron James and the reports that he feels underappreciated by the Los Angeles Lakers. Then, David Samson (also in a robe and with a chest like a dolphin) jumps in and tells us why he believes there isn't more funny in sports broadcasting, why Inside The NBA will continue even when Charles Barkley is gone, and what Stephen Ross is trying to get out of claiming Miami is unfit to host a Super Bowl. He also claims that one day we will get on planes without pilots.

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"He's not a Miami Heat guy, he's THE Miami Heat guy."

Jonathan Zaslow continues to shock us with things he has never done, this time claiming to have never worn a robe in his life. What an interesting guy that Zaslow is. De'Von Achane has signed a four-year extension with the Miami Dolphins, and the crew debates what the contract says about his fit in Miami's plans. Tony is tired of Dwyane Wade telling Heat fans to be patient, Jeremy is wearing really high socks with Charles Johnson, and Messi may have scored a hat trick, but we are not really sure.

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For decades, Ari Shaffir has brought the best stories in comedy to light.

Coming from a deeply religious upbringing, Ari’s wild and raunchy path in comedy seems about as far away from seminary as anyone can get. Ari speaks to Dan about his time in the industry and the liberation that comedy provided him after leaving his orthodox Jewish upbringing. Ari talks about what inspired him to bring the best voices in comedy together, to tell their real stories that they couldn’t tell anywhere else. He also details his process making his stand-up special “Jew,” traveling the world honing his material (and realizing that, even after years of religious study, he got some details about the Torah wrong). And, of course, it wouldn’t be a conversation with Ari Shaffir if he and Dan didn’t take a little dive into the world of psychedelics. Ari’s special, “Jew,” is available now on Netflix and watch his hilarious live storytelling show, “The End”, from YMH Studios. Go to AriShaffir.com for podcasts, tour dates, merch, and more. 

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"If the New York Times can prance their ass out there and claim it, damn it, we can."

Dan does not feel like our chip discussion from the last hour has been resolved, so JuJu tries to bring some clarity with his list of the best chips ever. He also rightfully claims to be a Pulitzer Prize and Academy Award winner before giving us his Joker of the Day, a Stat of the Day, and a recap of a great day of polls.

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"Jessica, do you have any incidents recently where you have gotten your fat on?"

Dan has received an apology from someone he claims not to know, but the show is rather suspicious that he doesn't have Trysta's number saved. Who in Dan's life is most likely to use the word 'fumbly'? After UCF's commencement speaker was booed for discussing AI, the show delves into the fears that come with using it more and more each day. Jess also weighs in on Steve Sarkisian and Lane Kiffin's recent features in USA Today and Vanity Fair, and Dan wants to know which are the four best snacks of all time. Are pretzels cheese balls?

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"Houston, we have a problem."

JuJu and Trysta are here to talk some NBA Playoffs, and Trysta makes two shocking revelations: she hates Victor Wembanyama, and she thinks Daryl Morey gets a bad rap because he is ugly. Does the guy that slaps you on the back and says 'hey babe, I'm gonna hit the head' give off fun guy? Plus, Dan continues not to understand why so few people in the company seem to care that Pablo Torre Finds Out won a Pulitzer Prize, and Greg Cote struggles to pick out a line from his favorite movie of all time.

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"It's been a minute since I read The Bible."

The crew was left dumbfounded by the storytelling on last night's game between the Minnesota Timberwolves and San Antonio Spurs, with Victor Wembanyama portrayed as a conquering hero after not being suspended for what Dan called 'one of the dirtiest plays in playoff history.' Does anybody root for Goliath? If the rock hits him in the chest, do you think Goliath is going down? Did you know Rutgers offers underwater basketweaving? Does Daniel Day-Lewis need to pick a name?

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"I'm not a movie goer, I'm not a movie knower."

Greg Cote knows nothing about movies, but he does assume that anybody riding a bicycle has been racking up DUIs. Does that mean Dan has been racking up the dooeys because he was riding a bike around recently? Do you have less respect for the guy in a suit if he's riding a scooter? Plus, the gang is very concerned for Warren Sapp after his recent appearance on the local news.

Today's Cast: Dan, Greg, Chris, Roy, Tony, Zaslow

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In the season premiere, Dan, Amin, and Izzy go back to the Sports Illustrated cover that turned a teenager into an industry, re-reading the prophecy with the very people who helped craft it. Plus: a resplendent Sonny Vaccaro joins us to re-live his failed $100 million offer to bring The Kid from Akron to Adidas. All that AND real talk about LeBron's untold origin story.

Homework for this episode:

• "Ahead of His Class" by Grant Wahl (Sports Illustrated, 2002)

https://vault.si.com/vault/2002/02/18/ahead-of-his-class-ohio-high-school-junior-lebron-james-is-so-good-that-hes-already-being-mentioned-as-the-heir-to-air-jordan

Homework for the next week's episode:

• "The Decision" (ESPN, 2010)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Afpgnb_9bA4

From our guest:

• "Legends and Soles: The Memoir of an American Original" by Sonny Vaccaro with Armen Keteyian

https://www.harpercollins.com/products/legends-and-soles-sonny-vaccaroarmen-keteyian

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"That's 15 yards in the NFL."

Congratulations to Donovan Mitchell, who has taken Jimmy Butler's spot in the 'is this guy good enough to be your best player on a championship team?' debate. The gang weighs in on that, before JuJu tells us his Joker of the day that leaves Greg Cote shocked and dismayed. Plus, it was a loaded day for polls, and there are some massive results to share.

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"Dan, you don't fart? Your breath must stink."

Lane Kiffin is the subject of a new Vanity Fair article in which he claims he needed Oxford more than Oxford needed him. Do we believe him? Is that even true? Then, the best-dressed man on TV and Mike Ryan Ruiz group chat world member, Adam Lefkoe, joins the show ahead of the French Open to discuss how he became a tennis guy, why Chris Simms is his nemesis in sports media, how Greg Cote can win a Pulitzer Prize, and how the New York Knicks embarrassed his Philadelphia 76ers. Plus, is the famous parrot, Woody the Woodpecker, on the Mount Rushmore of red-headed athletes?

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"You're not man enough to know the truth."

Nobody knows more about Disney World than the Lopez twins, but nobody knows less about Al Pacino movies than Greg Cote. Amin said yesterday that Anthony Edwards and Victor Wembanyama will be the next Magic-Bird rivalry, but Tony thinks it may actually be Wemby and Chet Holmgren. Can anyone in the NBA actually hit Wemby in the face with an elbow?

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"If you loved America, you would have never returned a guy who tried to steal an election back to power."

Sandwiched between #24 and #25 on Greg Cote's catchphrase list and the fart of the year, Luke Thomas of Morning Kombat joins us to discuss the state of the UFC's relationship with Donald Trump, Dana White claiming not to be a yes man for Donald Trump, and why the White House event will be a stain that White and the UFC may never shake.

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"DRIVER COMFORT IS PARAMOUNT!"

I could tell you about how we talked about the Oklahoma City Thunder being the first-ever sneaky dynasty, or how Stephen Ross is lying about Miami not being fit to host a Super Bowl, or even Zaslow going to Santa Fe Community College and still rooting for UM. We all know why you're here, though: there is a massive update to Greg Cote's Catchphrase Countdown, and it is the only thing that matters on today's show.

Today's Cast: Dan, Zaslow, Greg, Chris, Roy, Tony, Mike

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"He has a sense of what humor is supposed to be."

We revisit a couple of things Dan missed last week, including the shocking details Chris Cote revealed to his father and the Zaslow men's inability to have female children. JuJu joins us to provide his Top 4 Athletes That Should Try Comedy and has some ideas to fix the NBA. Should fans be allowed to enter the transfer portal? Also, Sean Strickland remains the worst.

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"Dan did you hear the part today where Tony said in five years from now there are going to be no humans driving."

Zaslow stopped listening to the show after Tony said in five years from now there are going to be no humans driving, so he missed Amin's weekend observations where he revisits Skip Bayless' virtuoso performance from last week and Sedano wearing a bath robe. Amin also proposes that Victor Wembanyama against Anthony Edwards could the modern day Magic Johnson-Larry Bird rivalry.

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"I knew there was a plant involved."

Did Draymond Green cost himself the Inside the NBA job after his appearance this past week turned heated? Is anybody in sports broadcasting actually funny? Is seeing Louis CK on a billboard in LA really that surprising? How much did Dan's turkey sandwich at LAX cost? Are the Carolina Hurricanes really going to get away with this?

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"So far, the only punishment from any of the categories you mentioned was the Clippers getting the 5th pick."

Dan missed reacting to Meadowlark Media winning a Pulitzer Prize, so he shares his disbelief that Pablo Torre's Kawhi Leonard story was honored among the other award-winning reporting. Then we recap this weekend's action in the NBA playoffs, including the New York Knicks sweeping the Philadelphia 76ers, James Harden saving the Cleveland Cavaliers' season against the Detroit Pistons, and Victor Wembanyama throwing an elbow at Naz Reid's face. Is there more than a 0.0% chance he will be suspended for even one more second?

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"You come this close to having the best day of your life, and then you have the worst day of your life."

Our Cyclones lost the Jai-Alai championship in the most heartbreaking way possible, and Mike and Chris still have not recovered. The good news is Dan is back from LA to make them feel better by pointing out the other team could have been at the bar watching the Clones lose. Dan also wants to know whether the Miami Heat need a new good-luck charm at the NBA Draft Lottery after they failed to move up again. Plus, Miami Marlins' reliever Pete Fairbanks tells us what being dry humped is like.

Today's Cast: Dan, Zaslow, Chris, Roy, Tony, Mike

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What are the best uniforms in all of sports? We create the master list of all master lists. The parameters are simple: home and away. You can't just have one. You need the full set. Mike Ryan Ruiz and Pulitzer Prize Winner Amin Elhassan join the show for the ultimate Drip Drill. At the end, we crown a champion.

AUDIO

Football America! is available wherever you listen to podcasts.

Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/football-america/id1831757512

Follow us:

Dave Dameshek: https://x.com/dameshek

Gino Fuentes: https://x.com/Gino_Fuentes

Mike Fuentes: https://x.com/mikefountains

Host: Dave Dameshek

Guests: Mike Ryan Ruiz and Pulitzer Prize Winner Amin Elhassan

Team: Gino Fuentes, Mike Fuentes, Ethan Bedowsky

Director: Danny Benitez

Senior Producers: Gino Fuentes, Mike Fuentes

Executive Producer: Soup Campbell

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The Toronto Maple Leafs have missed the Playoffs twice in the last 10 years and have won the Draft Lottery both times. Roy, David, Ethan, and Rose discuss whether that's just a little too fishy or just pure chance. Winning the Draft Lottery may have been the only thing that could save the Leafs from the PR disaster surrounding their new GM hire, which the crew picks apart. Plus, the Tampa Bay Lightning are out of the playoffs, and we are ready to laugh. This week's guest is ESPN legend Steve Levy, who joins the gang to discuss the Maple Leafs further, share stories from the legendary playoff games he has called, and share his thoughts on the early rounds of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

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"Not all segments are winners."

Referees might be weirdos, but does that mean they should all be replaced by robots? Dave hits a nerve with Jeremy that coaxes him into a surprising admission. Zaslow wants to end every person named Al, Skip Bayless, and Stephen A. Smith continue to tickle the Shipping Container, and JuJu pops by for a special edition FRIDAY Thunder.

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"It's cockamamy jive that he's slamming."

Girl Dads™ are superheroes, and we're #blessed to have several with us here. Also, as the crew attempts to determine whether or not James Harden is the single worst playoff performer of all-time relative to his regular season success, they all get distracted by the return of Skip Bayless on First Take.

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"The Basque region..."

Mike went to see Mortal Kombat II, and while he and the rest of the group were at the movie, Amin did the unthinkable. Zaslow is headed to Rolling Loud with his son this weekend, and while that's important, the Cyclones' title game tonight has taken over the discourse. Plus, what should the Miami Heat do if they get the No. 1 pick? Should they take a player or trade for Giannis Antetokounmpo?

Today's cast: Jonathan Zaslow, Dave Dameshek, Chris Cote, Amin Elhassan, Jeremy Tache, Mike Ryan, and Roy Bellamy.

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Today on Good Follow, Juju Gotti and Trysta Krick have some questions that need to be answered before the WNBA season can start. How will age impact the Las Vegas Aces? Where is Napheesa Collier in the GM survey? What are the Golden State Valkyries doing? We need answers, Natalie Nakase! Then, Good Follow makes their DraftKings Pick of the Week. Next, they throw more questions out into the WNBA ether. Who is the sleeper team going in? Can the Indiana Fever remain healthy? How serious are the New York Liberty this year?

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"I want to give the holy drawers award to..."

JuJu delivers his Thursday Thunder, lists his Top 5 Fringe Celebrities Who Could Break Into His NBA Finals Coverage, and updates The Polls.

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"My weiner looks like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining."

Amin has a very important question for the crew: when is it time to throw away your underwear? Then, it's time for a new episode of The Pitch Clock with the return of "Pitch Clock Jeopardy!" between Jeremy and Chris. And Marlins Radio play-by-play broadcaster and Just Baseball's Jack McMullen joins Jeremy to discuss Tarik Skubal's injury, the red-hot Tampa Bay Rays (shoutout to Dan), the promotion of Joe Mack, and his pick for the Golden Era Star of the Week.

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"I feel nothing."

Long-time New York Knicks fan David Samson is here to express his overwhelming emotions over the team's success. Plus, is there an athlete whose indiscretions could get a break-in to an NBA Finals game? Are the Vegas Athletics going to have to change their name? And how did David feel about winning a Pulitzer Prize?

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"My son loves rap music."

Zaslow's headed to Rolling Loud, Mike's headed to Mortal Kombat II for The White Shirt Red Wine Challenge, and Dave is concerned about the blockbuster movies coming out this summer. Plus, is Draymond Green... a funny guy? And did the United States kill the World Cup?

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"I'm allowed to hold her to a double standard."

Jeremy has a Top 5 Reactions To Yesterday's Show in the form of his limited fake Joe Zagacki before Zaslow tells us the details of his dream last night, where he had an affair with a celebrity. Who caught him? Why did it happen? What other recurring dreams does he have? Then, the crew reacts to the New York Knicks victory over the Joel Embiid-less Philadelphia 76ers and Jimmy Haslam making it clear that Giannis Antetokounmpo will be on the move soon.

Today's cast: Jonathan Zaslow, Your ol' pal Dave Dameshek, Chris Cote, Amin Elhassan, Jeremy Tache, Mike Ryan, and Tony Calatayud.

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Tom Segura is a powerhouse.

The comedian, actor, bestselling author, host, & co-founder of Your Mom's House Studios tells Dan Le Batard about his early dreams of making movies - never imagining he'd become one of the biggest comedians of all-time. Segura reflects on discovering stand-up after moving to Los Angeles to pursue acting, grinding through years of simply trying to make rent, and how podcasts and Netflix specials transformed his career. Tom also shares hilarious stories about his filterless Peruvian mother, “Charo,” growing up between two cultures, surviving a near-fatal overdose at 19, starting a bakery in Austin, and the lessons he's learning now about balancing fatherhood with a neverending work schedule. His latest Netflix special - “Teacher” - is now streaming and season two of “Bad Thoughts” premieres this month on Netflix. For all of Tom's latest podcasts from YMH Studios, tour dates, and more, go to TomSegura.com

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"JuJu, why did I do that?"

Chris has some regrets about how today's show went, and JuJu is ready to pounce on them. Who will take home today's Randy Ass/Guaranteed Doghouse Award? What about the It's Happened To Me Too Award?

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"Bring out the maple syrup, cause nothing says love like warm and sticky."

Jessica Smetana joins us to field some honeymoon tips from The Love Doctor, and it goes exactly where you think it would. The conversation heads into the current Hantavirus outbreak on a cruise ship that cannot find a place to dock, the fall of LIV Golf, and the plans for stars like Bryson DeChambeau once it folds, as well as whether Brad Williams could score a touchdown in an NFL game. We may also have come up with a great plan to decide which members of Meadowlark Media get the invite to Jess's wedding.

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"Lighters are out, and pants are off."

We check back in with The Love Doctor, and he gives us advice on what to get your ex-wife for Mother's Day, as well as whether or not you should bring a fake date to Mother's Day. Amin weighs in on the emerging NBA player beef between Draymond Green and Austin Rivers. Is Draymond Green the Michael Jordan of Robert Horries?

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"Sometimes I'll have to cancel because something didn't come up."

Nick Wright says hello to everybody except Roy. He joins us to talk about whether or not a possible Luka Doncic return will have any impact on the Los Angeles Lakers' chances in their series against the Oklahoma City Thunder. He also weighs in on Jaylen Brown's actions following the Boston Celtics' playoff exit and whether he feels threatened by any challengers to the Kansas City Chiefs. We also try to get a Brown for Giannis Antetokounmpo trade off the ground, all while The Love Guru answers some of your questions ahead of Mother's Day.

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"As he's saying that, I'm thinking 'don't go there'...and he went there."

Did the NHL rig the Draft Lottery so that the Toronto Maple Leafs would end up in position to pick Gavin McKenna? Would even more people have called it rigged if the Florida Panthers had gotten the first pick? Is Chris Cote the only person allowed to say his sister-in-law is hot? We are two weeks into the Keep Michael Yormark The Hell Away From The University of Miami and South Florida Campaign, and Mike Ryan and Zaslow remain concerned that a person David Samson called 'despicable' could be the head of UM's athletic department.

Today's Cast: Zaslow, Dave, Greg, Chris, Roy, Tony, Mike, Amin

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This episode of Alley Oop has EVERYTHING — chaos, controversy, and some of the wildest NBA moments right now.

From Jaylen Brown going viral with his unexpected “nerd squad”…
to fans calling out Victor Wembanyama and the refs…
to Knicks fans going FULL chaos mode…

Juju and Trysta break it all down — and it gets messy fast.

Are refs actually favoring Wemby… or are fans overreacting to his insane blocks? Why is Jaylen Brown trending for something completely off-court?
And what is going on with Knicks fans right now??

What We Get Into:

• Jaylen Brown’s viral Twitch stream + the “nerd squad” moment
• Victor Wembanyama’s blocks — are refs letting him get away with TOO much??
• Knicks fans going FULL chaos mode and taking things too far
• JR Smith caught in the madness + Knicks vs Sixers fan tension
• Jalen Brunson leading the Knicks — can they actually make a run?
• Joel Embiid battling through injuries (appendix drama) — can he carry the Sixers?
• Anthony Edwards & the Wolves — statement performance
• Cade Cunningham and the Pistons — are they finally turning a corner?
• Celtics & Coach Mazzulla — what’s really going on in Boston?
• The saddest Swag Surf you’ll ever see

From Ant and the Wolves making noise…
to Embiid trying to carry everything…
to Wemby sparking real controversy…
to Knicks fans turning games into full-blown events…

This episode is pure NBA drama, analysis, and comedy.

Tap in and let us know:

Are refs actually favoring Wemby?
Is Jaylen Brown just being himself… or is this getting weird?
And are Knicks fans officially out of control??

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"What do you think the point spread is?"

Today's Against the Spread presents a challenge for Zas: Will he be willing to claim the Lakers won't win *a* game against the Thunder?

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"My heart is full of hate."

Michelle Beadle is worried about her Spurs after their loss in Game 1, but she still believes they can beat the Thunder. She also has strong takes on Amin's Pulitzer Prize, LeBron James and the Lakers, the Met Gala, and Rudy Gobert's potential psychological advantage over Wemby. Plus, is it boring to be hot?

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"It's my honor to address the galactic senate..."

Pablo Torre tells us about the emotions he felt when he found out about his Pulitzer Prize and who he told first, explains to the crew what's next in his reporting on Aspiration, Steve Ballmer, and the Los Angeles Clippers, gives his opinion on Mortal Kombat II, and stuffs Jeremy in a locker.

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"What matters more: sports or your relationship?"

Ben Stiller missed the Knicks game for the Met Gala, while Chalamet snubbed the latter for the former, but what were the best looks from the night? Plus, Anthony Edwards and the Minnesota Timberwolves took down Victor Wembanyama's San Antonio Spurs despite Wemby's 12 blocks. Should we be surprised? Should the Spurs be panicked?

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"Let me get Samson on the line..."

We have a Pulitzer Prize winner in the studio with us: Amin Elhassan. After we celebrate Amin, Pablo, and the show's unparalleled success, Mike and Zas have some questions for Stephen Ross as to why he says Miami is out of the running to host the Super Bowl after another F1 weekend. Also, Greg's frustrated with Lionel Messi, and Jeremy is too excited about some Marlins news.

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"And there was a musical montage in the background?"

Tony tells the team about his struggle to paint the walls in his house.

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"WHAT THE HELL IS JORGE SEDANO DOING?"

Before we get to Amin's Weekend Observations, Zaslow tells the crew about the outlandish call time for his son's school field trip that had him up early this morning, and he also makes it clear that he knows nothing about The Cure. Also, Raygun... FRAUD.

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"You're gonna sit there and watch Oppenheimer and eat Skittles?"

David Dennis Jr. is here and has some strong takes on hate-watching, candy, and how to watch Star Wars on Star Wars Day. May the fourth be with you. Plus, the crew launches into a fiery debate over which historically talented and successful athlete has had a worse impact on their teams: Aaron Rodgers or Kevin Durant?

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"Over there, they serve you spirits! Over here, they take away our Spirit!"

As much fun as we had laughing at the Celtics, it's NOW our time to laugh at the Tampa Bay Lightning. Zas calls someone a "bum," Mike says they're on a "downward trajectory," and Chris is fully capable of naming The Original 6 franchises. Also, the Orlando Magic have fired Jamahl Mosley, the NHL and NBA have BOTH had a great start to their Playoffs, and Spirit Airlines shut its doors in the middle of the day.

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"Sabal Palm Elementary, dawg."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THE BOSTON CELTICS BLEW A 3-1 SERIES LEAD TO THE PHILADELPHIA 76ERS. JAYSON TATUM. JAYLEN BROWN. JOE MAZZULLA. SEE YOU IN CANCUN, CHOKERS! SOMEHOW UNDERACHIEVERS IN A "GAP YEAR." WORSE FRANCHISE THAN THE MIAMI HEAT. FALLING APART AT THE SEAMS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Today's cast: Jonathan Zaslow, Your ol' pal Dave Dameshek, Chris Cote, Amin Elhassan, Jeremy Tache, Mike Ryan, and Tony Calatayud.

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