The Art of Manliness

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

Have you ever known one of those people who seemed to be able to connect with anyone? The kind of person who had the ability to make others feel understood and smoothly navigate even the trickiest of conversations?

Charles Duhigg calls these folks “supercommunicators,” and he’s the author of a new book by the same name. Today on the show, Charles explains that what underlies supercommunicators’ skill in connection is something called the matching principle, and he unpacks how it works and how you can put it to use in your own conversations. We discuss several techniques for how to figure out what kind of conversation you’re having, so you can align your language and energy with the other person. And because emotional conversations can be particularly difficult, we dig into tactics for successfully navigating them, even when they contain a high degree of conflict. We also get into how to carry the skills of connection into your digital conversations.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Charles’ previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
• Episode #61: The Power of Habit
• Episode #196: The Science of Self-Motivation & Productivity
• AoM Podcast #559: How to Handle Difficult Conversations

Connect With Charles Duhigg

• Charles’ website

0:00 — Intro & Rebroadcast Notice

0:32 — Why Communication Matters

2:08 — The Matching Principle

5:07 — Deep Questions & FBI Negotiator Felix Sigala

9:50 — Identifying What Kind of Conversation You're Having

10:52 — Setting Goals & Preparing for Conversations

15:06 — Conversations as Quiet Negotiations

19:07 — Navigating Emotional Conversations

24:11 — Turning Shallow Questions Into Deep Questions

28:00 — Mood, Energy & NASA's Emotional Intelligence Test

32:34 — Looping for Understanding & High-Conflict Conversations

38:38 — Digital Communication & Closing

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Remember the old hotel ice machines? The kind where you'd slide your bucket under the chute and hear the avalanche of cubes crashing into it? There was something so fun and strangely gratifying about that thing.

Or think about breaking an icicle off the edge of a roof. Such a gratifying feeling from such a small act.

My guest has written an ode to the outsized pleasures that arise from these kinds of everyday interactions with the physical world. His name is Ian Bogost, and his new book is The Small Stuff. Today on the show, Ian argues that a fulfilling life isn't built solely by chasing the big components of happiness but also by embracing the small moments of gratification that are woven throughout ordinary life. We discuss how those moments can be found in tactile experiences like shifting a manual transmission, turning a well-made knob, or flipping through the pages of a real menu. We explore how these small opportunities for engagement — for contact, connection, and control— have been disappearing as the world becomes more digitized and automated and everything becomes a touchscreen. And Ian shares how opportunities for "sensory enchantment" can still be found in our increasingly dematerialized world.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Ian's previous appearance on the AoM Podcast: Episode #247 — The Pleasure of Limits, the Uses of Boredom, and the Antidote to Excessive Irony
• Ian's Atlantic article "The End of Manual Transmission"
• Andy Rooney compilation

Connect With Ian Bogost

• The Small Stuff website
• Ian's website
• Ian's faculty page

0:00 Introduction

0:40 Ian Bogost and 'The Small Stuff'

2:25 What Kickstarted This Book

6:38 Happiness, Satisfaction, and Gratification

14:58 Gratification Is Everywhere — But Disappearing

18:28 Dematerialization: How the World Is Losing Sensory Richness

26:41 How Work Has Become Less Gratifying

33:09 How to Reclaim Your Sensory Life

38:35 Keep More Junk Around

44:38 Talk About Small Pleasures

48:17 Living Life Sideways (Orthogonality)

50:03 Wrap-Up

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

People are told their whole lives how important it is to find their purpose. But many find the search frustrating. They feel there's one true calling or one grand goal they're supposed to be pursuing, but they can't seem to discern what it is.

My guest, Jordan Grumet, author of The Purpose Code, says that searching for what he calls your big P purpose can be fruitless and even harmful, and that a better path is to embrace a life of little p purposes. Today on the show, Jordan explains the difference between big P and little p purposes and argues that the former can lead to anxiety while embracing the latter can be the path to meaning, satisfaction, connection, and even the legacy you were looking for in the first place. We discuss how Jordan found his way to this philosophy after burning out as a doctor, practical ways to discover your own little p purposes, what he thinks we get wrong in making family our purpose, and what his work in hospice has taught him about living a life without regret.

Connect With Jordan Grumet

• Jordan's website
• Jordan's Substack: The Purpose Code

 00:00 Intro & Show Overview

0:41 Meet Jordan Grumet

1:46 From Doctor to Purpose Writer

5:00 Big P vs Little P Purpose

8:32 Why Purpose Talk Makes People Anxious

11:15 What the Research Says

13:42 Burnout and Big P Purpose

16:18 The Podcasting Example: Process vs Goals

19:42 Legacy Through Little P Purpose

28:24 Finding Your Purpose Anchors

38:01 The Climb: Building Your Purpose

43:14 Family, Regrets, and Final Thoughts

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the release of Christopher Nolan's adaptation of the Odyssey, it seems like everyone's been talking about a 3,000-year-old epic again. But my guest thinks this ancient tale offers a framework for understanding our modern lives that you probably haven't heard before.

Patrick Deneen is a professor of political science and the author of American Odyssey. Today on the show, Patrick argues that Odysseus embodies a tension that has defined the human experience, and especially the American experience: we're both home-seeking and exploring, rooted and restless. We long to settle down somewhere, yet we're equally driven to push beyond the horizon in search of something new. Patrick shares how Alexis de Tocqueville made this observation about our country two centuries ago, how Odysseus navigates the temptation to become both more than human and less than human, and the surprising act Patrick thinks is the most heroic thing Odysseus does. We end our conversation with the idea that having a home can give us the confidence to explore, or as David Brooks put it, "All of life is a series of daring explorations from a secure base."

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Article: 3 Lessons From Homer’s Odyssey
• AoM Podcast #337: What Homer’s Odyssey Can Teach Us Today
• Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville
• "Ulysses" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Connect With Patrick Deneen

• Patrick's faculty page
• Patrick's website
• American Odyssey's page on Creed and Culture's website

0:00 Intro & sponsor plugs

0:41 Patrick Deneen's American Odyssey & Nolan's film

2:28 Nolan's changes to Odysseus's character

4:56 Dante's Odysseus in hell

7:33 Why Odyssey keeps drawing Patrick back

13:02 The most American text: home-seeking vs exploring

17:15 Tocqueville's restless Americans

20:03 Restlessness as source of American unhappiness

21:03 Odysseus vs the temptation to be more/less than human

26:14 That temptation in modern American life

31:26 Odysseus's underworld talk with Achilles

39:41 What today's Americans can take from that

41:24 Does Odysseus stay home? The "sequels" to The Odyssey

45:49 Home as the foundation for risk-taking and adventure

51:14 Where to find the book

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When most people think of negotiation, they picture big, high-stakes moments: haggling over the price of a house, negotiating a starting salary, or hammering out the terms of a business deal. But negotiation is also something we do every day. It’s working out who’s taking on which chores with your spouse, convincing a coworker to help on a project, or even deciding where to go for dinner with friends. The better you understand negotiation — which is really about influencing other people’s decisions — the better you’ll be at navigating conflicts and opportunities both big and small.

My guest has spent decades studying the art and science of wielding that influence. John Richardson teaches negotiation at MIT’s Sloan School of Management and is the co-author of Never Settle. Today on the show, John shares what he learned from negotiation legends like Roger Fisher, co-author of Getting to Yes, and FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. He unpacks the skills of master negotiators, including how to build reciprocity, uncover what people actually want, and keep your emotions from hijacking your judgment. We also get into the part of negotiation that makes people the most uncomfortable: the back-and-forth over hard numbers like price and salary and how to handle those conversations with greater confidence and better results.

• Resources Related to the PodcastAoM Podcast #234: Haggling and Deal Making Advice From a FBI Hostage Negotiator (With Chris Voss)
• AoM Podcast #559: How to Handle Difficult Conversations (With Sheila Heen)
• Influence: The Essential Guide to the Psychology of Influence and Persuasion in Everyday Life by Robert B. Cialdini
• AoM Article: How Labeling Your Emotions Can Help You Take Control
• Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher
• Start with NO…The Negotiating Tools that the Pros Don’t Want You to Know by Jim Camp

Connect With John Richardson

• Never Settle website
• John’s faculty page

0:00 Everyday Negotiation & Meet John Richardson

2:18 John's Path Into Negotiation

9:50 Why People Fear Negotiation

12:34 Roger Fisher's Philosophy (Getting to Yes)

17:46 Chris Voss & Hostage Negotiation Tactics

22:54 Give Them a Sandwich (Reciprocity)

30:06 Using Someone's Name

33:59 Managing Your Emotions

39:00 Figuring Out What Everyone Wants

46:29 Distributive Negotiation & Anchoring

54:52 Alternatives, Saying No & Closing

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Most people assume that if a goal is hard to achieve, getting there has to feel hard too. We tend to believe that extraordinary results require extraordinary suffering.

But my guest says the secret to success isn't gritting your teeth; it's making the path enjoyable. His name is Jia Jiang, and in his new book, Easy Discipline, he argues that consistency comes from designing your work and your life so that doing the right thing becomes something you actually want to do. Today on the show, Jia explains the difference between hard and easy discipline, why "eating bitterness" isn't the best way to go after your ambitions, and how to make your work feel more like play without lowering your standards. Along the way, we discuss Soviet hockey, Japanese tea ceremonies, rejection therapy, one-action goals, and the power of pursuing aims that are an expression of who you are.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Jia's previous book: Rejection Therapy
• Jia's 100 Days of Rejection Therapy videos, including asking for a "burger refill"
• AoM Article: Motivation Over Discipline
• AoM Podcast #954: The Feel-Good Method of Productivity

Connect With Jia Jiang

• Jia on Substack
• Jia's website
• Jia on LinkedIn

0:00 Introduction to the AOM Podcast

0:41 Introducing Jia Jiang and Easy Discipline

1:36 Welcome Jia Jiang / The Myth of Sisyphus

6:05 Hard Discipline vs. Easy Discipline

9:36 Eating Bitterness

10:44 Soviet Hockey: Tarasov vs. Tikhonov

16:02 The EASY Framework: Enjoyment

31:02 Artistry and Ichi-go Ichi-e

33:54 Systems and One Action Goals

41:22 Repetition with Variation

44:18 Why: Being True to Yourself

52:33 Where to Find Jia Jiang's Work

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Many of us grow up believing that midlife is when things start going downhill. Your body's breaking down, your best work is behind you, and you may fall into a full-blown existential crisis. But a lot of what we think we know about midlife turns out to be based more on pop culture than actual research.

My guest says the reality is much more encouraging. Her name is Margie Lachman. She's a professor of psychology, the Director of the Lifespan Lab at Brandeis University, and the author of Primetime: A New Vision for Midlife. Today on the show, Margie discusses what age range constitutes midlife — and how it's not just a matter of chronological age — and whether people really become less happy and experience a midlife crisis during these years. She explains the surprising ways your mind continues to improve even as some abilities slow down, and why this stage of life often represents a peak combination of creativity and judgment. We also talk about the real challenges that come with midlife and how adopting the right mindset and habits can mitigate those downsides while helping you make the most of what Margie argues can truly be a sweet spot in life — a time when you still have much of your physical and mental vitality, and it's coupled with seasoned experience and wisdom.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Seasons of a Man’s Life by Daniel Levinson
• AoM series on Levinson’s research
• Transformations: Growth and Change in Adult Life by Roger Gould
• Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life by Gail Sheehy
• AoM Podcast #598: Journeying From the First to the Second Half of Life With James Hollis
• AoM Podcast #776: How to Shift Out of the Midlife Malaise

Connect With Margie Lachman

• Margie's website
• Margie's faculty page

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

George Washington is perhaps the most familiar figure in American history. But most people really only know the image of him they see in marble statues and patriotic paintings. Behind those symbols was a real man: ambitious, self-taught, intensely concerned with honor, and constantly wrestling with the immense responsibilities history placed on his shoulders.

In celebration of America's 250th birthday, we're taking an extended look at the life of the man more responsible than anyone else for the nation's founding. Here to unpack that life for us is H.W. Brands, a historian and the author of a new biography of Washington, American Patriarch. Brands traces Washington's journey from a young Virginia surveyor to military commander, founding father, and first president. Along the way, we discuss how Washington's upbringing shaped his character, why he became a surprisingly effective military leader despite losing more battles than he won, how he held together a fragile revolutionary army, how he shaped the presidency through the precedents he set, and whether a leader like Washington could still succeed today.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• H.W.'s previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
• Episode #696: Theodore Roosevelt, The Last Romantic
• Episode #908: Would You Have Been a Patriot or a Loyalist?
• AoM Podcast #223: George Washington, Benedict Arnold, and Valiant Ambition
• AoM Podcast #366: Teach Yourself Like George Washington
• AoM Podcast #719: The Surprising Pessimism of America’s Founding Fathers
• AoM Article: George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation

Connect With H.W. Brands

• H.W. on Substack
• H.W.’s faculty page

00:00 Introduction

01:53 About the book American Patriarch

03:03 Washington's childhood & Virginia gentry upbringing

06:54 Self-education, surveying, and early ambition

11:47 First military mission to the Ohio country

17:11 The French and Indian War & Washington's baptism under fire

24:44 Washington marries Martha Custis

33:57 Washington takes command of the Continental Army

40:17 Military strategy: how Washington won by not losing

46:41 Holding the army together at Valley Forge

55:57 Washington as first president & setting precedents

1:09:56 The Farewell Address & legacy

1:10:15 What Washington teaches us today

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The modern idea of retirement was built on a bet that turned out to be wrong. It assumed people would spend most of their lives working and only a relatively short period of time retired. Instead, many Americans now reach 65 healthy, active, and with an entire third of their life ahead of them. Yet we're still using a retirement model designed for a world in which old age was shorter and fewer people expected decades of life after leaving the workforce.

My guest says that outdated assumption creates some unfortunate unintended consequences. It causes people to stress excessively about money, postpone meaningful experiences with family and friends, and sometimes sacrifice the very things that make life worth living in the first place. He argues that by rethinking retirement — not necessarily eliminating it, but reimagining it — we can enjoy more of our lives now while actually feeling more secure about the future.

His name is Derek Coburn, and he's a financial advisor and the author of Let's Retire Retirement. Today on the show, Derek explains why the traditional retirement model came about, why it may no longer make sense for many people, and how working even a few years past 65 can dramatically change the math of retirement planning. We also discuss the surprising psychological challenges many people face after they stop working, why purpose matters more than leisure, and how thinking differently about retirement can free you up to spend more time on what matters most right now — whether that's traveling, strengthening your marriage, or making the most of the limited summers you have left with your kids.

Connect With Derek Coburn

• Derek's website (including his retirement calculator)
• Derek on IG

0:00 - Introduction

1:22 - The Outdated Origins of Retirement (Bismarck's 1889 Social Insurance Plan)

4:12 - Why the Traditional Retirement Model Creates Stress and Anxiety

6:13 - The "Arrival Fallacy" — Why Retirement Isn't What You Think It Will Be

8:42 - The Psychological Crisis of Stopping Work Cold Turkey

11:05 - The Math: How Working 10 More Years Cuts Your Savings Requirement by 96%

13:21 - Enjoying Life NOW Instead of Deferring It to Retirement

14:22 - Maximizing the Limited Summers You Have with Your Kids

19:48 - Sponsor Break

20:07 - What If You Hate Your Job? Find One You "Don't Hate"

22:37 - Side Hustles as an On-Ramp to Work You Love

24:09 - Physical Jobs and Mandatory Retirement — What Then?

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We all want two things that can seem at odds with each other: to be our own person and to belong. We want to stand apart from the crowd, but we also want to be connected to it. When that balance gets out of whack, we either lose ourselves in tribalism or drift into isolation.

My guest today says many of the problems in modern life stem from our inability to hold these two impulses in tension. His name is Luke Burgis, and he’s the author of The One and the 99: Forging Identity in the Age of Social Contagion. Today on the show, Luke explains how becoming a true individual can give you the strength to be a part of a community. We discuss the difference between a solid self and a pseudo self — and what role families and rites of passage can play in moving us toward one or the other — why modern politics feels like a dysfunctional family, the dangers of performative religion, and much more.

• Resources Related to the PodcastLuke’s previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
• Episode #714: Why Do We Want What We Want?
• Episode #910: Thick Desires, Political Atheism, and Living an Anti-Mimetic Life
• The True Believer by Eric Hoffer
• Education of a Wandering Man by Louis L’Amour
• AoM Podcast #1,025: The Life and Legacy of Louis L’Amour
• AoM article with L’Amour’s weekly to-do lists
• AoM article and podcast about C.S. Lewis’ The Abolition of Man and the idea of objective value
• The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich
• The Quest for Community by Robert Nisbet
• AoM Podcast #847: Overdoing Democracy
• AoM Podcast #1,010: How to Resist Group Anxiety and Become a Differentiated Self
• AoM Article: Becoming a Well-Differentiated Leader
• Dying Breed article: A New Kind of Monasticism — The Power of Community to Shape the Soul
• The Rule of St. Benedict

Connect With Luke Burgis

• Luke’s website

Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/MANLINESS

Timestamps

0:00 Introduction

0:54 Guest Intro: Luke Burgis & The One and the 99

4:48 The Parable of the Lost Sheep & the Book's Framework

10:17 Defining the Self (vs. Identity & Soul)

14:37 The Pseudo Self Explained

19:40 How to Develop a Solid Self

25:35 Louis L'Amour & Education for a Solid Self

28:18 Curiositas vs. Studiositas (Ordered vs. Disordered Knowledge)

44:30 Tribalism, Politics, & the Pseudo Self

45:08 How Undifferentiation Fuels Political Dysfunction

51:13 Religion, Performative Piety & the Digital World

54:15 What Monasteries Teach Us About Community & Solid Selves

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Life rarely unfolds according to plan. A relationship implodes. A move or job change doesn't work out. Or you simply fail in a goal you've set for yourself.

My guest has spent almost two decades researching and field-testing how to get back on track when smaller slip-ups and larger upheavals knock you off course. His name is Steve Kamb, and he's the founder of Nerd Fitness and the author of How to Try Again: An Approachable Guide to Navigating Chaos and Making Change THAT STICKS. Today on the show, Steve shares practical principles for dealing with life's frustrating and demoralizing setbacks. We discuss why sometimes the best move is to pause rather than push harder, how to accept reality without resigning yourself to it, why treating change as an experiment can help you beat paralysis and take action, why you should treat consistency with your goals the way you do showering, and more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Steve's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
• Episode #42: Level Up Your Life With Nerd Fitness & Steve Kamb
• Episode #170: Level Up Your Life
• Steve's AoM guest posts:
• Don’t Be That Guy: The Taxonomy of Lousy Male Friends
• How Superheroes, Movies, and Video Games Taught Me to Conquer Fear
• Nerd Fitness
• Museum of Failure
• Sunday Firesides: Good Times Are Not Around the Corner (And That's Great News!)
• Sunday Firesides: Treat Life Like an Experiment
• "Lightning Fields" by the Killers

Connect With Steve Kamb

• Steve's website
• Steve on IG
• Steve on LinkedIn
• Steve on Substack

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Walking is one of the most powerful health tools we have. It improves cardiovascular fitness, boosts mood, sharpens cognition, and can even be a predictor of how well you'll age. But all those benefits depend on something we rarely think about until it starts hurting: our feet.

For many of us, walking is so automatic that we never consider the mechanics that make it possible. Yet the way we move, the shoes we wear, and the strength of the muscles in our feet can have a profound impact on how comfortably and efficiently we walk. When something goes wrong at our physical foundation, the effects can ripple upward, leading to pain not just in the feet, but in the knees, hips, and back.

My guest today is Dr. Milica McDowell, a physical therapist and the co-author of the new book Walk. Today on the show, Milica explains why walking speed may be a hidden vital sign, what gives you your signature walking style, and how to spot and address injury-inducing inefficiencies in your gait. We then talk about feet: whether you should worry about pronation, how to rehab plantar fasciitis — and no, it's not stretching — the best kind of shoes to wear, and much more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Article: Solvitur Ambulando — It Is Solved By Walking
• AoM podcast episode with Manoush Zomorodi
• AoM Article: I Started Taking a Walk Every Morning. Here’s What Happened to My Health
• AoM Article: 20 Rules for Walking
• AoM podcast episode with Matt Fitzgerald
• Altra shoes
• Vivobarefoot
• Lems shoes (this is the pair Brett wears)
• Tyr weightlifting shoe
• Injinji toe socks
• Toe spacer
• Study on calf raise standards

Connect With Milica McDowell

• Milica's website
• Milica on IG

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

A lot of young men today struggle in finding their footing in adulthood. They feel lost, directionless, and unsure of who they are and how to confidently and competently navigate the world.

Part of the reason for this is that most young men today lack something which was once a part of nearly every culture in the world, but has now almost entirely disappeared: a rite of passage.

My guest today didn’t want his son to flounder on the way to maturity, nor to miss out on having an initiation into manhood, so he set out to create a 6-year journey for him that would help him move from boy to man. His name is Jon Tyson, and he’s the author of The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character. Today on the show, Jon unpacks the components of the years-long journey into manhood he created for his son, beginning with how he brainstormed those components by doing “The Day Your Son Leaves Home” exercise. We then discuss how old Jon’s son was when he started his rite of passage and why it began with him having a “severing dinner” with his mom. We get into what his rite of passage consisted of, from the kickoff ceremony to the challenges, experiences, trips, and daily rituals Jon used to impart values and teach his son the “5 Shifts of Manhood.” Jon shares how moving his son’s focus from being a good man, to being good at being a man, helped him get remotivated to continue the process, why his rite of passage included a gap year after high school, and how Jon celebrated the end of his son’s journey into becoming a man. We also discuss whether Jon did something similar with his daughter. We end our conversation with some key principles any dad can use to start intentionally helping their kids become well-rounded individuals who can confidently step out on their own and into the world.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Article: The Importance of Fathers
• AoM Article: The Importance of Male Rites of Passage
• AoM Article: Male Rites of Passage From Around the World
• AoM Article & Podcast: Man’s Need for Ritual
• AoM Series on the origins, elements, and future of manhood
• AoM Article: The 7 Habits — Begin With the End in Mind
• AoM Article: The 3 Families Every Young Man Needs to Grow Up Well
• James Hollis
• AoM Article: Carry the Fire
• Art of Manliness’ Carry the Fire Zippo Lighter
• AoM Article: What Is Manliness?
• AoM Podcast #527 With Richard Rohr
• The Power of Moments: Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact by Chip and Dan Heath
• The Way of Men by Jack Donovan
• AoM Podcast #49 With Jack Donovan
• AoM Series on the Four Archetypes of the Mature Masculine
• AoM Article: 100 Skills Every Man Should Know
• AoM Article: 80+ Quotes on Men & Manhood

Connect With Jon Tyson

• Primal Path
• Jon on Twitter
• Jon on IG

0:00 Introduction

0:29 Guest Introduction: John Tyson & The Intentional Father

2:28 The Research on Fatherless Boys

4:54 What Men Lack Without a Rite of Passage

8:37 The "Day Your Son Leaves Home" Exercise

10:47 Building an Asset Map & Community of Fathers

13:37 The Severing Dinner with Mom

17:10 The Beach Initiation Ceremony at Age 13

20:42 Taking Your Son Back to Your Roots

28:14 The Five Shifts of Manhood

31:52 Daily Morning Talks, Books & Movies

42:32 Good Man vs. Good AT Being a Man

46:28 The Archetypes: Lover, Leader, Warrior, Brother, Sage

50:01 The Life Arc Interview

56:03 The Gap Year as the Ordeal

1:01:16 The Capstone Ceremony on the Camino de Santiago

1:04:44 Doing Something Similar for His Daughter

1:09:09 Key Principles Any Dad Can Start With Today

That's 17 — let me trim to the 12 most distinct:

0:00 Introduction & Why Rites of Passage Have Disappeared

2:28 The Research on Fatherless Boys

4:54 What Men Lack Without a Rite of Passage

8:37 The "Day Your Son Leaves Home" Exercise

13:37 The Severing Dinner & Beach Initiation Ceremony

20:42 Taking Your Son Back to Your Roots

28:14 The Five Shifts of Manhood

31:52 Daily Talks, Books & Movies

42:32 Good Man vs. Good at Being a Man

50:01 The Life Arc Interview

56:03 The Gap Year as the Ordeal

1:01:16 The Capstone Ceremony & Key Principles for Any Dad

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the Old Breed is widely considered one of the greatest war memoirs ever written. Penned by Eugene Sledge, a Marine who fought with the 1st Division — the old breed — in the Pacific campaigns of Peleliu and Okinawa, the book is unflinching, deeply human, and so vividly written that you can practically feel the heat, mud, exhaustion, and terror coming off the page.

But Sledge wasn't a professional writer. He was a biology professor who started jotting notes on scraps of paper tucked inside the New Testament he carried in his breast pocket. He wrote the book decades later, partly to process his own trauma, partly to leave a record for his sons.

One of those sons is my guest today. Henry Sledge has spent years carrying his father's legacy forward, and he's written his own book — The Old Breed: The Complete Story Revealed — that pairs his father's combat experience with previously unpublished material and his own perspective as Eugene's son. Today on the show, Henry and I talk about why his dad wrote With the Old Breed, what made fighting in the Pacific uniquely hellish, and how Eugene managed to come home and live a full, honorable life despite carrying the war with him for the rest of his days.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• China Marine: An Infantryman's Life After World War II by E.B. Sledge
• HBO series The Pacific
• Ken Burns' The War
• AoM Article: Eugene B. Sledge Puts Your Problems Into Perspective
• AoM Article: Are You Missing the Forbidden City?

Connect With Henry Sledge

• Henry on IG
• Henry on FB

Thanks to This Week's Sponsor!

Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/MANLINESS

0:00 - Introduction

0:41 - About With the Old Breed: Eugene Sledge's War Memoir

1:15 - Why Eugene Wrote the Book

3:07 - How He Kept Notes in Combat

4:20 - Writing & Publishing the Book

6:03 - Eugene's Writing Style

9:44 - Why Eugene Enlisted as a Private

16:03 - Boot Camp Training

21:35 - Why Peleliu Is the "Forgotten Battle"

27:49 - What Made Fighting on Peleliu Hell

31:40 - The Japanese as an Enemy

43:10 - Life After the War: Coming Home

50:00 - Lessons from With the Old Breed

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Back in 2019, David Epstein joined me to talk about his book Range and why generalists often thrive in a specialized world. Now he’s back with a new book that explores a seemingly opposite idea: the power of constraints. In Inside the Box, David argues that limits — deadlines, boundaries, and even setbacks — are often the very things that spark creativity, sharpen focus, and help us actually get meaningful work done.

Today on the show, David shares how, in a world of endless freedom and options, constraints might actually be the thing you need most. He shares the surprising true story behind the creation of the periodic table, explains how a broken arm changed the course of his own life, and explores why giving people too much leeway can actually kill innovation. We discuss what Pixar did right that doomed companies like General Magic got wrong, why brainstorming sessions are usually ineffective, how to identify the bottlenecks holding back your work and life, and why learning to settle for “good enough” may be the key to getting more great things done.

• Resources Related to the PodcastDavid’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #512 — Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World
• Pixar’s Tin Toy
• AoM Article: Curing Your Restlessness — Limiting Your Choices
• The Goal by Eliyahu M. Goldratt
• David’s This American Life Episode: “Something Only I Can See”
• AoM Article: Via Negativa — Adding to Your Life By Subtracting
• Connect With David EpsteinDavid’s website

0:00 - Introduction

0:40 - David Epstein & "Inside the Box": Overview

1:50 - How Range and Constraints Are Connected

3:14 - The Real Story Behind the Periodic Table

7:00 - How a Broken Arm Changed David's Life

10:22 - General Magic: What Happens With No Constraints

20:14 - Pixar vs. General Magic: Constraints Done Right

25:37 - This American Life's Editing Process

31:10 - Finding Your Bottlenecks (The Goal)

38:10 - Why Brainstorming Doesn't Work (And What Does)

43:00 - The Case for Satisficing (Good Enough)

51:11 - When Maximizing Makes Sense

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You hear a lot today about how our ample screentime is affecting our mental health. But how is it affecting our bodies, and how is that impact on our bodies affecting, well, our mental health?

My guest today will unpack the ways that digital technology is sapping our vitality, and offer a simple protocol to get it back. Her name is Manoush Zomorodi, and she's the host of the TED Radio Hour and the author of Body Electric. In our conversation, Manoush explains why a day spent sitting in front of screens can leave you exhausted, even though you haven't really done anything, and how small bouts of movement throughout the day can counteract that drain and keep you feeling energized and focused. She shares how much activity you need to offset periods of being sedentary, and how to realistically incorporate these movement breaks into your routine. We also get into the specific effects digital technology is having on our eyes and ears — and what you can do to prevent the damage.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Manoush's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #342 — Why Boredom is Good for You
• "I Sing the Body Electric" by Walt Whitman
• Keith Diaz's studies
• AoM Article: The Importance of Building Your Daily Sleep Pressure

Connect With Manoush Zomorodi

• Manoush's website
• Manoush on IG

0:00 - Introduction

0:41 - Meet Manoush Zomorodi & Body Electric

1:10 - Why Are We So Tired After Sitting All Day?

5:30 - The Physical Effects of Sitting & Screens on the Body

10:02 - Walt Whitman, Clerks & the History of Sedentary Work

16:42 - Keith Diaz's Study: 5 Minutes of Movement Every 30 Min

20:07 - Testing the Protocol: Manoush's Lab Experience

21:15 - The Global Clinical Trial Results

29:11 - How to Actually Integrate Movement Breaks Into Your Day

32:11 - Even Exercise Isn't Enough If You Sit All Day

37:50 - What Screens Are Doing to Your Eyes

46:10 - What Earbuds Are Doing to Your Hearing

49:22 - How Screens Disrupt Sleep (It's Not Blue Light)

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

While we often think of life as linear, my guest’s own life, along with a decade of research, has taught him that it’s anything but. In his latest book, What to Make of a Life, Jim Collins unpacks the cyclical pattern life actually unfolds in, and how to navigate it. He explains how we all go through periods of “fog” — times of disorientation and uncertainty — at least three times: in youth, after a life-changing “cliff” event, and as we move through midlife into older age. We find our way out of these fogs by what Jim calls coming into “frame” — aligning what you're built to do with what you actually do in a way that feels enlivening and meaningful. And Jim unpacks the three elements that help you find, and re-find, this frame over the course of your life.

Along the way, Jim shares case studies of these principles at work, and we explore the role of luck, the inevitability of drudgery (even in work you love), and how to keep your inner fire lit over the long haul.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Good to Great by Jim Collins
• All Rise: The Remarkable Journey of Alan Page by Bill McGrane
• Self-Renewal: The Individual and the Innovative Society by John W. Gardner
• Sunday Firesides: You Never Know How Many Chapters Are Still to Come
• Sunday Firesides: Do the Right Thing, for Right Now
• AoM Article: The 5 Best AoM Podcast Episodes on Finding Meaning and Purpose
• AoM series on finding your life's vocation

Connect With Jim Collins

• Jim's website

0:00 - Introduction & Guest Overview

0:41 - What Is "What to Make of a Life"?

2:17 - The Three Seeds That Started the Research

7:26 - What Are "Encodings"? Finding What You're Built For

8:58 - John Glenn & Gordon Cooper: Encodings in Action

14:32 - It's Never Too Late to Find Your Frame (Eisenhower & Franklin)

19:34 - Multiple Frames: Alan Page's Second Life in Law

25:56 - Navigating Cliffs: Expected vs. Shocking Life Changes

31:09 - The Fog: Why Feeling Lost Is Normal

40:58 - Simplex Stepping: How to Navigate the Fog

49:32 - Flipping the Arrow of Money & Building a Flywheel

57:34 - Thriving in the Second Half of Life

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Building substantial personal wealth can feel difficult and out of reach. But my guest says that even those with modest means can, with a few simple decisions and strategies, become millionaires, and even multi-millionaires.

David Bach is the author of the bestselling, newly updated personal finance classic, The Automatic Millionaire. Today on the show, we talk about the money management framework that will put you on the path to a free, secure, rich retirement. David explains his controversial "Latte Factor" principle, the astonishing power of compounding interest, how setting your finances on autopilot may be the most important financial move you can make, why he still believes in buying a home as an incomparable way to build wealth, the best way to pay down your debt, and more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• investor.gov compound interest calculator
• AoM Article: What Every Young Man Should Know About the Power of Compound Interest
• AoM Article: Know-Nothing Investing — Index Funds For Beginners
• AoM Article: Build Your Wealth — Graduate from a Paycheck Mentality to a Net Worth Mentality
• AoM Article: A Young Man’s Guide to Understanding Retirement Accounts — IRAs

Connect With David Bach

• David's website
• David on IG
• David on FB
• David on X
• David on YouTube
• David on LinkedIn

0:00 - Introduction

0:41 - Meet David Bach & The Automatic Millionaire

2:18 - The McIntyre Story: How Ordinary Income Built Millions

7:37 - The Latte Factor Explained

17:37 - The Power of Compound Interest

20:27 - The Rule of 72 & Rate of Return

23:32 - Why Starting Early Is the Key to Wealth

33:55 - How Much to Save: The Millionaire Formula

36:05 - Setting Up Automatic Investing (401k & IRAs)

44:23 - Why Homeownership Still Builds Wealth

50:22 - How to Pay Off Your Mortgage Early

47:14 - Paying Down Debt While Saving for Retirement

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When people visit a therapist's office for help with their depression, they often don't find the relief they're seeking. That's because much of the counsel that is traditionally given doesn't offer the context people need to make sense of and preserve their mental well-being.

Here to share these missing pieces of perspective and strategy is Dr. Scott Eilers, a clinical psychologist and the author of The Light Between the Leaves: 6 Truths Your Therapist Won't Tell You About Healing Depression and Trauma. Today on the show, Scott shares why the world of psychology doesn't always offer the most useful explanations for why people can sometimes feel alienated from their own lives. We then talk about insights Scott has gleaned from science, nature, and lived experience as to the mindset shifts and habits that can help you stay sharp, steady, and engaged in life — whether you're struggling with chronic depression, or just adrift in a low-grade funk.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM series on depression
• AoM Podcast #741: The Exercise Prescription for Depression and Anxiety
• AoM article and podcast on Rick Hanson's method of "hardwiring happiness"

Connect With Scott Eilers

• Scott's website
• Scott's YouTube channel
• Scott on IG
• Scott on FB

0:00 - Introduction

0:41 - Meet Dr. Scott Eilers & His Book

2:09 - Scott's Personal History with Depression

6:23 - What Actually Causes Depression?

8:28 - Neurotransmitters & the Biology of Mood

14:45 - Why Traditional Therapy Falls Short

25:50 - The Road to the Cabin: A Mental Health Metaphor

30:22 - Sleep, Nutrition & Self-Care as Treatment

31:15 - Exercise: The Most Powerful Tool for Depression

40:35 - Envy Is Ignorance: You Can't See to the Bottom of Others' Lives

44:23 - Pull the Weeds: Removing Invasive Pleasures

51:10 - Keep the Water Flowing: The Power of Having Goals

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Pooping. Everybody does it, but a lot of people are embarrassed to talk about it. That's a shame, my guest says, not only because your digestive health is incredibly linked to your overall health, but simply for the fact that there is much happiness to be found in an easy, worry-free constitutional.

Harvard gastroenterologist Dr. Trisha Pasricha is the author of You've Been Pooping All Wrong: How to Make Your Bowel Movements a Joy. Today on the show, Trisha and I have a fun and frank conversation about the art and science of bowel movements, including the color of healthy stools, how often you should be pooping, if laxatives are safe to use, the food to eat that's even better than prunes for getting things going, why you feel the urge to go poop at Barnes and Noble, the wonders of the bidet, the danger of using your smartphone on the toilet, how to get more comfortable pooping in a public restroom, and more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Article: The Top 10 Toilet Books
• AoM Article: Be a “Regular” Guy — Tips for Improving Your Daily Constitutional
• The Squatty Potty
• "Mariko Aoki phenomenon" — where individuals feel an urgent need to use the bathroom when entering a bookstore
• AoM Article: You Need to Eat More Fiber

Connect With Trisha Pasricha

• Trisha's website
• Trisha on IG

0:00 - Introduction

0:41 - Meet Dr. Tricia Pasricha & Her Book

1:37 - Why We Need to Talk About Poop More

6:48 - What Does Healthy Poop Look Like? (Color Guide)

12:58 - Shape, Consistency & Why Poop Floats

20:44 - How Often Should You Poop?

25:05 - What Causes Constipation (& The Laxative Question)

28:44 - The Squatty Potty: Does It Actually Work?

30:26 - Why You Have to Poop at Barnes & Noble

35:07 - Smartphones on the Toilet & Hemorrhoids

39:22 - Pooping in Public & While Traveling

44:52 - The Case for the Bidet

48:41 - Diet for Optimal Gut Health

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Courage is one of our most prized and celebrated virtues. But once you really start exploring it, the nature of courage is surprisingly hard to pin down.

Here to help us explore the fascinating complications of courage is William Ian Miller, a historian, professor of law, and the author of The Mystery of Courage. Today on the show, Bill explains how centuries of philosophers, soldiers, and storytellers have approached courage and the hard-to-answer questions its manifestations raise. We discuss why courage has long been ranked among the highest virtues, the relationship between fear and courage, the fuzzy line between courage and cowardice, the association of courage and manhood, whether or not courage is domain specific, the difference between offensive and defensive courage, whether martyrs are courageous, whether deeds with evil ends are courageous, how fear, shame, and honor shape brave action, and more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• The Road to Richmond: The Civil War Memoirs of Maj. Abner R. Small
• If I Die in a Combat Zone: Box Me Up and Ship Me Home by Tim O'Brien
• Good-Bye to All That by Robert Graves
• The Personal Memoirs of Ulysses S. Grant
• AoM Article: Developing Manly Courage
• AoM Article: 9 Ways to Become More Courageous
• AoM Article: Courage Vs. Boldness — How to Live With Spartan Bravery
• AoM Podcast #380: How to Increase Your Courage and Bravery
• AoM Article: The 54 Best Quotes on Courage
• AoM Article: The Cardinal Virtues — Courage
• AoM Podcast #763: The Perils and Powers of Cowardice
• AoM series on honor

Connect With William Ian Miller

• Bill's faculty page

Thanks to This Week’s Podcast Sponsor

Incogni. Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/manliness

0:00 - Introduction

0:41 - What Is "The Mystery of Courage"?

1:57 - Why Courage Is Hard to Define

6:27 - The Good Coward: A Civil War Story

14:00 - Why Courage Is Ranked the Highest Virtue

17:20 - The Politics of Courage: Who Gets to Claim It

23:00 - Offensive vs. Defensive Courage

28:27 - Is Courage Domain-Specific?

30:04 - Courage, Manhood & The Female Gaze

50:34 - Fear, Shame & Honor in Courageous Acts

57:00 - Is Courage Finite? Combat & Exhaustion

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We tend to think of genius as something you’re born with — a rare trait possessed by the Einsteins and Teslas of the world. But what if many of the abilities we associate with genius — a great memory, quick problem-solving, mental math, creative insight — are actually trainable skills?

My guest today says that’s exactly the case. His name is Nelson Dellis, and he's a six-time USA Memory Champion and the author of the book Everyday Genius.

In our conversation, Nelson explains why memory is the foundation of thinking well and why having information stored in your head still matters in the age of ChatGPT. He shares a practical technique for improving your memory, how to read with greater focus and retention, and how to study to actually make information stick. We then talk about the importance of developing “number sense” and how to convert imperial measurements to metric in your head, strategies for solving problems more effectively, and even how to gain an edge in the games of Monopoly and Connect Four. At the end of the conversation, we get into more esoteric territory, including intuition, dreams, and the idea of remote viewing.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Nelson's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #546 — How to Get a Memory Like a Steel Trap
• AoM Article: 10 Ways to Improve Your Memory
• AoM Article: How to Speed Read Like Theodore Roosevelt
• AoM Podcast #385: Learning How to Learn
• AoM Article: Study Tactics of the Successful Gentleman Scholar
• The CIA's remote viewing program

Connect With Nelson Dellis

• Nelson's website
• Nelson on YouTube

Thanks to This Week’s Podcast Sponsor

Incogni. Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/manliness

0:00 - Introduction

0:41 - What Is "Everyday Genius"? Nelson's Background

3:47 - How Did Nelson Get Into Memory Competitions?

7:34 - Memory as the Foundation of Genius

14:22 - The SEE, LINK, GO Memory Framework

22:53 - How to Actually Apply the Memory Palace

26:10 - Focused Reading: How to Read Faster & Retain More

35:15 - How to Study Effectively (Active Recall & Spaced Repetition)

27:05 - Mental Math & Number Sense

31:19 - Converting Imperial to Metric in Your Head

35:45 - Problem-Solving Like a Genius

43:20 - Remote Viewing, Intuition & Dream Journaling

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cold exposure has gotten a lot of attention the past few years, with people dunking themselves in ice baths for the sake of their health and well-being. But, good news here, exposing yourself to heat by sitting in the sauna or even a hot tub, might actually be even better for you, not to mention more pleasant.

In his new book, Hotwired: How the Hidden Power of Heat Makes Us Stronger, Bill Gifford unpacks the dichotomy of heat: how it can be both a danger and a healer. In the first part of our conversation, we dive into that former side, discussing what happens when your core temperature gets too high, why some people handle the stress of hot temperatures better than others, and how heat tolerance can actually be trained. We then talk about the advantages of heat exposure over cold exposure, and the benefits of heat for both body and mind, including how it can boost athletic performance and heart health, and may even be an effective treatment for depression. We also talk about how to get the most out of your sauna sessions and how Bill and I like to sauna.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Article: How to Sauna — All the FAQs
• AoM Article: How Saunas Can Help Save Your Body, Mind, and Spirit
• AoM Podcast #585: Inflammation, Saunas, and the New Science of Depression
• AoM Podcast #724: The Strange Science of Sweat
• Study reviewing the health benefits of "sauna bathing"
• Hotter'n Hell Hundred bike race

Connect with Bill Gifford

• Bill on IG
• Bill on X

Thanks to This Week’s Podcast Sponsor

Incogni. Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/manliness

0:00 - Introduction

1:46 - Meet Bill Gifford & Hot Wired

3:50 - What Extreme Heat Does to Your Body

11:49 - The Korey Stringer Institute & Heatstroke Treatment

13:13 - Heat Tolerance: Why Some People Handle It Better

16:13 - Heat Training for Athletic Performance

17:24 - Cardiovascular Benefits of Sauna

19:03 - The Finnish Sauna Heart Study

26:30 - Cold Plunges: Overhyped?

30:57 - How to Do Sauna Correctly (Temperature & Duration)

33:36 - Heat Therapy for Depression

41:33 - What Americans Can Learn from Nordic Sauna Culture

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When we fail to make desired progress in life, most of us put the blame on physical and environmental limits. But my guest says that what's really holding people back is what's in their heads.

Nir Eyal is the author of Beyond Belief: The Science-Backed Way to Stop Limiting Yourself and Achieve Breakthrough Results. Today on the show, he argues that much of how we think about ourselves, our abilities, and what’s possible becomes our reality, and that getting what we want in life often comes down to changing how we perceive it. Drawing on research in neuroscience and psychology, Nir shares the three powers of belief, and how they direct your attention, alter your expectations, shape your sense of agency, and determine whether you stick with hard things long enough to see results. Along the way, he shares ways to identify and challenge the limiting beliefs that can sabotage your goals and relationships.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Nir's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #553 — How to Become Indistractable
• AoM Article: How Reframing Builds Resilience
• AoM podcast episode on William James and pragmatism

Connect with Nir Eyal

• Nir's website

Thanks to This Week’s Podcast Sponsor

Incogni. Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/manliness

0:00 - Introduction

1:41 - Meet Nir Eyal & Beyond Belief

2:04 - Nir's 30-Year Struggle with Weight

5:04 - The Missing Factor in Motivation (Belief Triangle)

7:49 - Beliefs vs. Facts vs. Faith

9:16 - Beliefs Are Tools, Not Truths

13:15 - Power of Belief #1: Attention (We Don't See Reality Clearly)

17:46 - Seeing Isn't Believing — Believing Is Seeing

22:46 - Rumination & How It Deepens Limiting Beliefs

24:27 - The Turnaround: 4 Questions to Challenge Faulty Beliefs (Nir's Mom Story)

36:10 - Power of Belief #2: Anticipation (Placebo Steroids & Wine Study)

45:00 - Power of Belief #3: Agency (Internal vs. External Locus of Control)

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When it comes to building a happy and meaningful life, most of us rely on a grab bag of strategies — habits and goals around work, relationships, and health. But my guest today would argue that in the quest for true flourishing, there’s a deeper element that not only ties together those efforts, but organizes and energizes them: purpose.

Vic Strecher is a professor of public health, a behavioral scientist, and the author of Life on Purpose: How Living for What Matters Most Changes Everything. We begin our conversation with Vic's powerful story of how losing his 19-year-old daughter led him to discover how purpose can fundamentally reshape your life. Vic then unpacks the dramatic impact purpose has on your physical and mental health. He shares some guideposts on finding your own purpose, what kinds of aims foster the most fulfillment, why finding purpose isn't a one-and-done process, and why becoming purposeful can make life feel less like a tug-of-war and more like stepping into a strong current that carries you forward.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• The Purposeful app
• AoM Article:The Power of Purpose
• The 5 Best AoM Podcast Episodes on Finding Meaning and Purpose
• AoM Podcast #1,051: Man’s Search for Meaning, With Viktor Frankl’s Grandson

Connect with Vic Strecher

• Vic's faculty page
• Vic on LinkedIn

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you're looking for a way to improve your fitness, boost your mental health, and reconnect with a deeply human activity — all without going to the gym or pounding your knees on a daily run — then rucking may be the practice you've been looking for.

Rucking is simple: throw some weight on your back and start walking. But a little context and a few key tips can make it a safer, more effective, and more satisfying experience. Here to unpack those principles and practicals is Michael Easter, author of Walk With Weight: The Definitive Guide to Rucking. Michael and I first explore the evolutionary and military history of carrying load. We then dive into why rucking is perhaps the most accessible form of training for strength and stamina, and such an effective tool for alleviating back pain, building bone health, and fostering fat loss. We get into using a backpack versus a weighted vest, how much weight you should carry, and how you can get started today with stuff you've probably already got lying around.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Michael's previous appearances on the AoM podcast: 
• Episode #708: Overcome the Comfort Crisis
• Episode #930: Break Your Bad Habits by Escaping the Scarcity Loop
• The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter
• AoM Article: Cardio for the Man Who Hates Cardio — The Benefits of Rucking
• AoM podcast interview with the founder of GoRuck
• AoM Podcast #682: Get Rucking
• AoM Article: Don’t Just Lift Heavy, Carry Heavy
• AoM Article: How to Take Care of Feet on a Hike or Ruck
• AoM Article: One Weird Trick for Busting Through a Weight-Loss Plateau
• AoM Article: The Benefits of Hanging for Strength and Mobility
• AoM Article: Lessons From the Roman Art of War
• GoRuck

Connect with Michael Easter

• Michael's Substack: Two Percent

Thanks to This Week’s Podcast Sponsor

Incogni. Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/manliness

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The awkward silence at work when everyone knows a project is going off the rails.

The simmering resentment in a marriage over an issue neither spouse will confront.

The dysfunction in a church where certain topics are understood to be off-limits.

My guest, Joseph Grenny, says that some of the biggest problems in every organization, from businesses to families, aren't the issues themselves, but people's inability to talk about them. Joseph is a business social scientist and consultant, and the co-author of the bestselling book Crucial Conversations. For decades, he’s studied why people shut down or blow up when the stakes are high, emotions are strong, and opinions differ.

Today on the show, we talk about what makes a conversation “crucial,” why our brains betray us in conflict, and how to escape the false choice between maintaining a relationship and speaking honestly. From figuring out what kind of conversation you need to have, to creating the right conditions for connection, to dealing with criticism, we unpack how to have the conversations you’ve been avoiding — at work, at home, and everywhere else.

Connect With Joseph Grenny

• Crucial Learning website
• Joseph on LinkedIn

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Of all the books in the Bible, Ecclesiastes is arguably the most philosophical. Dark, experiential, existential, and unsparingly honest about the human condition, it wrestles with work, money, ambition, pleasure, time, and death — and it does so in a way that feels uncannily modern. Whether you approach it as sacred scripture or simply as ancient wisdom literature, Ecclesiastes has something to say to anyone who’s ever chased success, gotten what they wanted, and then wondered, Is this really it?

Here to unpack this ancient philosophy is Bobby Jamieson, a pastor and the author of Everything Is Never Enough: Ecclesiastes’ Surprising Path to Resilient Happiness. We discuss why Ecclesiastes resonates so strongly in our age of acceleration and control, why so much of life can feel absurd and unsatisfying, and how the book ultimately shows us how to enjoy — and even embrace — what first appears to be vanity of vanities.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Podcast #956: Feeling Depressed and Discombobulated? Social Acceleration May Be to Blame
• Dying Breed Article: Resonance as an Antidote to Social Acceleration
• AoM Podcast #1,100: Money and Meaning — What Faith Traditions Teach Us About Personal Finance
• The Uncontrollability of the World by Hartmut Rosa
• Jerry Seinfeld on saving time

Connect with Bobby Jamieson

• Bobby on X

Thanks to Today's Sponsor

• Surfshark. Go to https://surfshark.com/manliness or use code MANLINESS at checkout to get 4 extra months of Surfshark VPN!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not long ago, the primary concern people had about boys was that they were wild, impulsive, and out of control — getting into fights, pushing limits, and stirring up trouble. Today, the problem has flipped. The more common challenge isn’t reckless behavior, but inert passivity. More and more young men are anxious, apathetic, socially isolated, and seemingly uninterested in doing much of anything at all.

Vince Benevento, the founder of Causeway Collaborative — a male-specific counseling center — and the author of Boys Will Be Men: 8 Lessons for the Lost American Male, has spent nearly two decades working on the front lines of this shift. As a therapist, coach, and mentor who specializes in helping young men between the ages of 14 and 30, Vince has worked with both the combustible and the checked-out and developed a clear, experience-honed framework for what actually helps guys get unstuck, take ownership of their lives, and move forward with purpose.

In today’s conversation, we unpack what Vince has learned through years of work with boys and men, and how his approach — which is rooted more in action than in talk — can be applied not just in the therapist’s office, but by parents and mentors. We dig into why traditional therapy often fails young men, and how to give them the drive, accountability, and sense of connection they crave. We discuss the importance of teaching young men to build life “brick by brick” and helping them find their wild, their thing, and a good group of friends.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Podcast #810: How to Turn a Boy Into a Man
• AoM Podcast #926: The 5 Shifts of Manhood
• AoM Podcast #1,028: The 5 Marks of a Man
• AoM Podcast #886: What the World of Psychology Gets Wrong About Men
• AoM Article: Get Your Son Out of His Bedroom
• AoM Article: How Labeling Your Emotions Can Help You Take Control

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We’ve all had that feeling — you meet someone new, and the conversation just flows. You’re in sync. You click. But what’s really happening when that magic occurs?

My guest today is journalist Kate Murphy, author of Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony, and she says this experience isn’t just a vibe, it’s a measurable physiological phenomenon and the most consequential social dynamic most people have never heard of. In our conversation, we dig into what happens when people click, why syncing with others feels so good, and how it influences everything from friendships to teamwork to romantic relationships. We also talk about why some people have a knack for connection, how you can become more “clickable,” and why video calls are the worst.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Dying Breed article: Resonance as an Antidote to Social Acceleration
• Kate's previous book: You're Not Listening
• Sunday Firesides: Be Someone's Atmospheric Getaway
• AoM Article: The Importance of Eye Contact

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

American football is so big — so braided into our weekends, our language, and our culture — that it can be hard to see it clearly as a whole.

In his new book, Football, Chuck Klosterman helps us see the game from unexpected angles, and argues that football isn’t just a sport, it’s a kind of national operating system. Chuck explains how it became the dominant televised spectacle in America, despite having elements that should count against it. We then explore football as a simulation — of war, of reality, and even of itself — and how its simulation through video games has actually fed back into the sport itself. We also talk about who Chuck thinks is the GOAT (hint: it's not Tom Brady), and the difference between achievement and greatness. At the end of our conversation, Chuck lays out a compelling argument for why football may be headed for a steep and surprising fall.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Podcast #248: Why Football Matters
• AoM Podcast #1,061: Are You Not Entertained? The Myths and Truths About Roman Gladiators
• AoM Podcast #1,044: What Sports Betting Is Really Doing to Players, Games, and Fans

Thanks to This Week's Podcast Sponsor

Incogni. Take your personal data back with Incogni! Use code MANLINESS at the link below and get 60% off an annual plan: https://incogni.com/manliness

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We usually think of money as something very practical, concrete, and secular; we earn it, save it, spend it, and crunch the numbers behind it. But money is never just about money: it reflects our values, our priorities — and even our spiritual life.

My guest today, Tom Levinson, knows this well. He’s a financial advisor who studied religion at Harvard Divinity School and thought about becoming a rabbi. Now, he helps people navigate not just their portfolios, but the deeper questions that come with them.

In today’s conversation, Tom shares the greater meaning around money, what the Jewish, Christian, and Islamic religions say about it, and how financial practices like budgeting can be spiritual disciplines.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• All That's Holy: A Young Guy, an Old Car, and the Search for God in America by Tom Levinson
• AoM Article: The Spiritual Disciplines — Simplicity
• AoM Podcast #363: Budgeting Doesn’t Have to Suck

Connect With Tom Levinson

• Tom's podcast: Money, Meet Meaning
• Tom on LinkedIn

Thanks to This Week's Podcast Sponsor

Surfshark VPN. Go to https://surfshark.com/manliness or use code MANLINESS at checkout to get 4 extra months of Surfshark VPN! 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

For decades, fitness culture has tended to break people into two categories: you’re either a strength guy or an endurance guy. You lift heavy or run far — but not both.

But my guest today says you don't have to choose; you can excel at both modalities and be ready for anything.

Alex Viada is a coach, a physiologist, and the author of The Hybrid Athlete. He’s a powerlifter who's also completed Ironman triathlons, and he's deadlifted 700 pounds and run an ultramarathon in the same week. Even if your goals are much more modest — you'd like to, say, set some weightlifting PRs in the gym and be able to run a decent 5k — Alex's training philosophy can help you combine lifting and endurance in a smart, sustainable way that builds true all-around fitness.

In our conversation, Alex explains how to combine training for strength with distance sports like running or cycling, how to test your progress, how to recognize and avoid the two kinds of fatigue, and why becoming a hybrid athlete will help you live more adventurously — and more capably.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Alex's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #860: Get Fit, Not Fried — The Benefits of Zone 2 Cardio
• AoM Article: A Guide to the Biggest Thing Missing From Your Fitness Routine — Zone 2 Training
• AoM Podcast #970: The Misconceptions of HIIT (And the Role It Can Play in Your Fitness Routine)
• AoM Podcast #787: Run Like a Pro (Even If You’re Slow)
• AoM Podcast #777: Becoming a Hybrid Athlete

Connect With Alex Viada

• Complete Human Performance
• Alex on IG

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Most of us chase goals — starting a business, running a marathon, getting a promotion — without ever asking: What are the actual odds this will work?

My guest today says those odds aren’t just graspable — they’re hackable.

Kyle Austin Young is a strategy consultant and the author of Success Is a Numbers Game. He argues that every goal comes with a hidden probability of success or failure, and by thinking strategically — rather than just hoping for the best — you can tilt the odds in your favor.

In the first part of our conversation, Kyle explains the three common ways people pursue goals and their potential downsides. We then unpack how to approach your goals through probability hacking. We discuss how to spot the weak links in your plan, how to map out a “success diagram” that helps you avoid common pitfalls and pursue goals more intelligently, and how to use these same principles to know when you should quit a goal.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Podcast #387: Think Like a Poker Player to Make Better Decisions
• AoM Podcast #840: When to Quit
• AoM Podcast #490: Can You Learn to Be Lucky?

Connect With Kyle Austin Young

• Kyle's website
• Kyle on LinkedIn

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

Happiness is the subject of thousands of articles, podcasts, and scientific studies. Yet all this focus on happiness doesn’t seem to be making people any happier. In fact, the more they try to be happy, especially by fighting to get rid of bad feelings and cling to good ones, the more unhappy people often become.

My guest would say that the first step in escaping this negative cycle is redefining what happiness even means — thinking of it not as a state of feeling good but of doing good.

His name is Russ Harris and he’s a therapist and the author of The Happiness Trap.

Today on the show, Russ explains how struggling against difficult feelings and thoughts just makes them stronger — amplifying instead of diminishing stress, anxiety, depression, and self-consciousness — and how simply obeying your emotions doesn’t work out any better. He then unpacks the alternative approach to happiness espoused by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. With ACT, you allow both hard and pleasant feelings to coexist, and unhook from the latter so that they no longer jerk you around. This allows you to focus on taking action on your values to create a meaningful, flourishing life, or in other words, real happiness.

Resources Related to the Episode

• AoM Podcast #614: Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life With the Founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Steven Hayes
• AoM Article: From Overwhelmed to Empowered — How Labeling Your Emotions Can Help You Take Control

Connect With Russ Harris

• Russ’ Website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Books are everywhere. They're so common, they're easy to take for granted. But my guest argues that they’re worth fully appreciating — because the book isn’t just a container for content; it’s a revolutionary technology for shaping culture and thought.

Joel Miller is a former publishing executive, an editor, a book reviewer, and the author of The Idea Machine: How Books Built Our World and Shape Our Future. Today on the show, Joel argues that to appreciate the power of the book, you have to look at its design: how it's constructed, how we interact with it, and how its evolution transformed the way we think, learn, and communicate. He walks us through a fascinating history of the book as a physical object, from Augustine reading under a fig tree, to medieval monks introducing word spacing and punctuation, to the printing press’s world-altering explosion of information. We also explore how novels changed our emotional and social intelligence, how silent reading birthed individual interpretation, and why, even in an age of video and AI, books still matter.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM book-related archives
• Dying Breed Article: Why I Hate Making (and Watching) Online Videos
• AoM Article: Why Men Should Read More Fiction
• AoM Article: Fiction for Men as Suggested by Art of Manliness Readers
• AoM Podcast #1,057: The Power of the Notebook — The History and Practice of Thinking on Paper

Connect With Joel Miller

• Miller's Book Review

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Most of us know what we should do to be healthier: eat better, move more, sleep well. The real challenge? Actually following through.

On today’s show, I talk to behavioral psychologist Amantha Imber, author of The Health Habit, who argues that the missing piece in most health advice isn’t more information — it’s learning how to bridge the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it.

Amantha first outlines four “habit hijackers” that sabotage your best-laid plans and shares practical, research-backed tactics to overcome each one. We then dive into some specific health habits that will give you a lot of transformative bang for your buck. We discuss how restricting your sleep can help you sleep better, the truth about the popular 10,000 steps a day recommendation, the underrated power of an after-dinner walk, and more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Hijacker Survey Link
• Related AoM Podcasts:
• The Psychology of Effective Weight Loss
• How to Hack the Habit Loop to Build a Better Life
• The Microbiome Master Key
• Related AoM Articles: 
• Unlocking the Science of Habits
• The Science of Drive: 5 Theories of Motivation
• The Power of Temptation Bundling
• The 10 Best Ways to Make Exercise an Unbreakable Habit
• The Importance of a Good Start: Using Temporal Landmarks to Achieve Your Goals
• AoM “Sleep” archives
• AoM “Habits” archives
• The Power of Implementation Intentions
• The Digestive Power of an After-Dinner Walk
• The Existential in Red Dead Redemption 2 
• Sleep Restriction and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
• Study: Holding the Hunger Games Hostage at the Gym
• Study: “I Don’t” vs “I Can’t” 
• Study: The Fresh Start Effect
• Study: Designing More Effective Goals by Using Emergency Reserves (“Hall Passes”) 
• Study: Untapping the Health Enhancing Potential of Vigorous Intermittent Lifestyle Physical Activity (VILPA)
• Study: Reduced exertion high-intensity interval training

Connect With Amantha Imber

• Amantha's website
• Amantha on LinkedIn
• Amantha on Instagram
• Amantha's podcast, How I Work

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

There’s a lot of debate these days about what it means to be a man. But maybe the answer is simpler than we think, and a lot of masculinity just comes down to confident competence. A broad set of know-how. The ability to get stuff done. The capacity to move through the world with purpose and skill.

As someone who's lived several lives in one, Elliot Ackerman certainly embodies that ethos. He's a decorated Marine, a former CIA paramilitary officer, a National Book Award-nominated novelist, and now the writer of A Man Should Know, a column at The Free Press that explores the small but significant skills that shape a man’s life.

Today on the show, Elliot and I talk about why young men are struggling, how intention, discipline, and competence can change the way a man carries himself, and a few of the specific skills a man should know — from how to wear a watch to how to give a eulogy.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Elliot's novels
• Elliot's "A Man Should Know:" columns:
• How to Introduce Yourself
• How to Be a Friend
• How to Own a Watch
• Fields of Fire by James Webb
• The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien
• The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
• AoM Article: 100 Skills Every Man Should Know
• AoM Skills Archives
• AoM Podcast #307: Make Your Bed, Change the World
• AoM Article: 10 Ways to Be a Better Husband Today
• AoM Article: How to Choose a Watch
• AoM Article: How to Give a Eulogy
• AoM Article: A Eulogy for My Grandfather, William D. Hurst
• The Poetics of Manhood: Contest and Identity in a Cretan Mountain Village by Michael Herzfeld
• AoM Article: MacGyver Manhood and the Art of Masculine Improvisation
• Free Press discount code: subscribe at thefp.com/manliness, and save 10% off your first year

Connect With Elliot Ackerman

• Elliot on IG
• Elliot on X

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

It’s a tough job to manage a household. Things need to be regularly fixed, maintained, and cleaned. How do you stay on top of these tasks in order to keep your home in tip-top shape?

My guest knows his way all around this issue and has some field-tested, insider advice to offer. Charles MacPherson spent two decades as the major-domo or chief butler of a grand household. He’s also the founder of North America’s only registered school for butlers and household managers and the author of several books drawn from his butlering experience, including The Butler Speaks: A Return to Proper Etiquette, Stylish Entertaining, and the Art of Good Housekeeping.

In the first part of our conversation, Charles charts the history of domestic service and describes why the practice of having servants like a butler and maid ebbed in the mid-20th century but has made a comeback today. We then turn to what average folks who don’t have a household staff can do to better manage their homes. Charles recommends keeping something called a “butler’s book” to stay on top of household schedules and maintenance checklists. We then discuss how to clean your home more logically and efficiently. Charles shares his golden rules of house cleaning, the cleaning task you’ve probably neglected (hint: go take a look at the side of the door on your dishwasher), his surprising choice for the best product to use to clean your shower, how often you should change your bedsheets, and much more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Article: How to Establish a Simple Cleaning Routine and Stick to It
• AoM Article: How to Clean Your Entire House in 30 Minutes
• AoM Article: How to Clean Like a Man
• AoM Article: Keep Your House in Tip-Top Shape — An Incredibly Handy Home Maintenance Checklist
• AoM Article The Butler’s Book: How to Create the Instruction Manual For Your Home
• AoM Article: Towards a Philosophy of Household Management
• The Book of Household Management by Isabella Beeton

Connect With Charles MacPherson

• Charles’ website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When people think of J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, they often picture tweedy Oxford professors and beloved fantasy authors. But their writing wasn't drawn only from their bucolic days teaching at Oxford and walking in the English countryside; it had a darker, deeper backdrop: the trenches of World War I and the cataclysm of World War II. Lewis and Tolkien weren't just fantasy writers — they were war veterans, cultural critics, and men with firsthand knowledge of evil, heroism, and sacrifice.

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Joseph Loconte, returning to the show to discuss his latest book, The War for Middle Earth. We explore how both world wars shaped the perspectives of Tolkien and Lewis, found their way into works like The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia, and infused their literary masterpieces with moral weight, spiritual depth, and timeless themes of resistance, friendship, and redemption. We also talk about the legendary friendship between Tolkien and Lewis, the creation of the Inklings, and how the men demonstrated the countercultural power of imaginative storytelling.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Related AoM podcasts:
• #178: The Inklings Mastermind Group
• #272: Lewis, Tolkien, and the Myth of Progress (Loconte’s first appearance on the AoM podcast)
• #430: Why You Need to Join the Great Conversation About the Great Books
• #499: A Fascinating Primer on Norse Mythology 
• #594: How Churchill (and London) Survived the Blitz of 1940
• #723: Men Without Chests
• #765: C.S. Lewis on Building Men With Chests
• #951: The Hobbit Virtues
• Related AoM articles
• The Power of Conversation: A Lesson from CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien 
• Lessons in Manliness from Viking Mythology 
• Lessons in Manliness: The Hobbit
• Men Without Chests
• “Blood, Sweat, and Tears” speech by Winston Churchill
• 4 Classic Chapter Books to Read Aloud With Your Kids
• Related outside articles:
• Tolkien’s Deadly Dragons 
• Munich Agreement
• Owen Barfield
• Tolkien books mentioned:
• The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien 
• Beowulf translated by Tolkien
• The Hobbit 
• The Lord of the Rings 
• Beren and Luthien 
• Letters from Father Christmas 
• Lewis books mentioned:
• The Letters of C.S. Lewis 
• The Collected Poems of C.S. Lewis 
• The Pilgrim’s Regress
• The Chronicles of Narnia
• The Great Divorce
• The Screwtape Letters 
• The Space Trilogy 
• The Four Loves
• Mere Christianity 
• The Reading Life 
• Related books by other authors:
• Tolkien and the Great War by John Garth
• The Somme by Martin Gilbert
• The Guns of August by Barbara Tuchman
• The Future of an Illusion by Sigmund Freud
• The Aeneid by Virgil
• Phantastes by George MacDonald
• The Vinland Sagas
• The Iliad and The Odyssey by Homer
• The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri
• Le Morte d’Arthur by Thomas Malory

Connect With Joseph Loconte

• Joseph's website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When we think about what shaped our life trajectory, we often focus on the way our parents raised us. But what about our siblings? What role do they play in who we become?

My guest today makes the case that siblings may be just as influential as parents in impacting how we turn out.

Her name is Susan Dominus, and she’s a journalist and the author of The Family Dynamic: A Journey into the Mystery of Sibling Success. Susan and I start our conversation by unpacking the broader question of what drives human development more — nature or nurture. We then dig into how siblings shape us, from the impact of birth order to how rivalry can raise our ambitions and alter our life paths. Along the way, we also explore the influence parents do have on their kids — and why it may not be as strong as we often think.

Connect With Susan Dominus

• Susan's website
• Susan's faculty page
• Susan at the NYT

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In a story from ancient Greek philosophy, Hercules faces a choice between two paths: one promising pleasure and ease; the other, hardship and struggle — but also growth and greatness. According to today’s guest, this ancient parable is more relevant than ever.

Dr. Paul Taylor, a psychophysiologist and the author of the new book The Hardiness Effect, returns to the show to argue that comfort has become our default mode — and it’s making us mentally and physically sick. To reclaim health and meaning, we must actively choose the path of arete — a life of effort, engagement, and challenge.

Paul first outlines the four traits that define a psychologically hardy person and how we grow by embracing and even relishing discomfort. We then dive into the physiological side of hardiness. We discuss how intentionally seeking stressors can strengthen both body and mind and some of the practices and protocols that lead to optimal health. We end our conversation with what tackling heroic, Herculean labors looks like today.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Paul's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #941 — How to Avoid Death by Comfort
• AoM Podcast #1,087: Why You Need the Good Stress of Socializing
• AoM Podcast #793: The New Science of Metabolism and Weight Loss with Herman Pontzer
• The Choice of Hercules 
• AoM podcast on the benefits of sunlight
• "Don't Die: Eat More Small Fish" by Michael Easter
• AoM Article: Nature’s Prescription — The 20-5-3 Rule for Spending Time Outdoors
• Norwegian 4X4 HIIT Protocol
• AoM article on Zone 2 Cardio
• Omega-3 testing

Connect With Paul Taylor

• Paul's website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We live in a culture that does everything it can to keep death at a distance. We hide it behind hospital curtains, euphemize it in conversation, and hustle through grief like it's just another item on the to-do list. We don't want death to get in the way of living.

But my guest would say that making friends with death is the key to fully embracing life. Joanna Ebenstein is the founder of Morbid Anatomy, a project that uses exhibitions, lectures, and classes to explore how death intersects with history and culture. She's also the author of Memento Mori: The Art of Contemplating Death to Live a Better Life. Today on the show, Joanna shares why we lost a more intimate relationship with death and the life-stifling consequences of that disconnect. We discuss practices for coming to terms with death and removing our fear of it, including looking at memento mori art, meditating on death, talking to the dead, and simply taking care of the practicalities surrounding our inevitable departure.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Article: What Man Understands That He Is Dying Daily? (This Is Your Life)
• AoM Article: Memento Mori — Art to Help You Meditate on Death and Become a Better Man
• AoM Article: A Primer on Advance Directives
• AoM Article: How To Protect Your Legacy — A 3-Step Guide to Estate Planning
• Sunday Firesides: Look Into the Tomb
• Sunday Firesides: As I Am Now
• Victorian Memorial Hairwork
• The Dance of Death
• Vanitas art
• The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise by Martín Prechtel
• Sleeping Beauty: Memorial Photography in America by Stanley B. Burns
• Death: A Graveside Companion by Joanna Ebenstein

Connect With Joanna Ebenstein

• Morbid Anatomy website
• Joanna's website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you went to high school in America, you probably read Moby-Dick — or, more likely, you skimmed the CliffsNotes and wondered why this dense, whale-obsessed novel was considered a classic.

That was me in 10th grade.

But earlier this year, I decided to revisit Moby-Dick in midlife, and it hit me completely differently. What once seemed like a tedious story about a guy chasing a whale revealed itself to be a profound meditation on free will, perception, self-reliance, leadership, and obsession. It’s now one of my favorite novels.

To help unpack why Moby-Dick endures — and why it might be worth picking up again— I’m joined by Mark Cirino, a professor of American literature. Today on the show, we discuss why Moby-Dick was initially overlooked, the novel’s major themes, and the timeless mystery of Captain Ahab’s monomaniacal quest.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Mark's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
• Episode #786: The Writing Life of Ernest Hemingway
• Episode #922: For Whom the Bell Tolls
• One True Podcast
• The Norton Library Podcast
• Mark's Norton Library Edition of A Farewell to Arms

Connect With Mark Cirino

• Mark’s faculty page

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

There's been a lot of talk about morning routines in the last few years. But the idea is hardly new; famous men from Thomas Aquinas to Benjamin Franklin structured their mornings to accomplish great deeds and live flourishing lives.

A modern advocate of this age-old practice is Hal Elrod, author of The Miracle Morning, first published nearly twenty years ago. Long before morning routines became a trend, Hal was experimenting with his own — researching and refining what actually works. Through his experiences and those of the millions who’ve tried his approach, he’s cut through the aspirational noise to offer a doable, effective framework for starting your day right. Today on the show, Hal shares the six practices of the Miracle Morning routine, why he chose them, and how they set up your day for success. We also discuss how long the routine takes and how a shortened version can be done in just six minutes, as well as how to make it work if you're not a morning person. Along the way, I share what my own morning routine looks like.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• The Stockdale Paradox
• AoM Article: Bookend Your Day — The Power of Morning and Evening Routines
• AoM Article: How to Hardwire Your Happiness

Connect With Hal Elrod

• Hal's website
• Hal on IG
• Hal on FB
• Hal on X
• Hal on LinkedIn

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What does it mean to be a man? It’s a timeless question that's been answered in different ways across the ages. For the ancient Romans, the word for manliness was virtus — the root of our word virtue. To be a man meant living a life of virtuous excellence.

Waller Newell takes up that same definition in his book The Code of Man, first published twenty years ago and now released in a new edition. Today on the show, Waller, a professor of political science, argues that we need to recover an older vision of manhood rooted in the traditions of Western antiquity. He shares the five paths that, in his view, form the classical code of manliness and how they can continue to be lived out today.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Waller's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #104 — The Code of Man With Waller Newell
• AoM Article: What Is Manliness?
• AoM series on the origins and nature of manhood
• AoM Podcast #1,028: The 5 Marks of a Man
• AoM Podcast #926: The 5 Shifts of Manhood
• AoM Article: Got Thumos?
• AoM Article: What Is a Man? The Allegory of the Chariot
• AoM Podcast #871: Jane Austen for Dudes
• Sunday Firesides: Climb the Ladder of Love

Connect With Waller Newell

• Waller's website
• Waller's faculty page

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You may have heard of hormesis — the idea that intentionally embracing small stressors activates the body’s repair and defense systems, building resilience, improving how the body and even the microbiome function, and ultimately protecting against the harms of chronic stress.

We typically think of these hormetic stressors in terms of things like exercising, taking ice baths, sitting in a sauna, and ingesting certain plant compounds. But you ought to consider adding socializing to that list.

As my guest today explains, while we tend to avoid socializing as we do all stressors — even the good ones — it's something that can strengthen our health, resilience, immunity, and sense of meaning. Jeffrey Hall, professor of communication studies and co-author of The Social Biome: How Everyday Communication Connects and Shapes Us, joins me to discuss why relationships are harder to build in the modern world, how our adolescent approach to making friends needs to evolve, and why we must intentionally “exercise” our social muscles in a world where they'll otherwise atrophy.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Jeffrey's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #772 — How Long Does It Take to Make Friends (And How Does That Process Work, Anyway)?
• AoM Article: 3 Things No One Ever Told You About Making Friends in Adulthood
• AoM Article: The Importance of Developing and Maintaining Your Social Fitness
• AoM Podcast #863: Key Insights From the Longest Study on Happiness
• AoM Article: Love Is All You Need — Insights from the Longest Longitudinal Study on Men Ever Conducted

Connect With Jeffrey Hall

• KU’s Relationships and Technology Lab
• Jeffrey's faculty page
• Jeffrey on LinkedIn
• Jeffrey on IG

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Whether you’ve never stepped foot in a weight room or you’ve been lifting for years without seeing significant results, figuring out how to get big, strong, and jacked can feel overwhelming. There are endless programs, conflicting opinions, and a lot of noise about what actually works.

Today on the show, Paul Horn offers a grounded, field-tested take on what really helps average guys get stronger and more muscular — without burning out. Paul is a strength coach and the author of Radically Simple Strength and Radically Simple Muscle. We discuss why you need to get strong before you get shredded, how and why Paul modified the classic Starting Strength program, the strength benchmarks men should be able to hit, when to shift from powerlifting to bodybuilding-style training, why you should train your lower body like a powerlifter and your upper body like a bodybuilder, the physique signal that shows you're in shape, the body fat percentage every man should get down to at least once in his life, and more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• AoM Podcast #154: Strength Training for Everyone
• AoM Podcast #302: My Workout Routine & The Benefits of a Strength Coach
• AoM Podcast #826: From Novice to Advanced — The Weightlifter’s Journey
• AoM Article: The Re-Rise of the Machines
• AoM Article: Getting Ripped vs. Getting Strong
• Paul's video on how to stretch your shoulders for the low-bar back squat
• Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe
• AoM barbell training videos with Mark Rippetoe

Connect With Paul Horn

• Paul's website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

For generations, the path to adulthood was straightforward: go to college, get a job, build a life. But many young men are beginning to question the college component of that path; tuition keeps rising, A.I. has made the professional landscape more uncertain, and there's just a sense that after four years at college, guys graduate feeling like they haven't been very challenged, haven't much changed, and haven't gained a lot of real confidence, competence, and concrete know-how.

My guest today, Matt Smith, has created an alternative to college — a 4-year, 16-cycle curriculum designed to shape participants into Renaissance Men: skilled, self-reliant, and grounded in character. Matt co-authored The Preparation with his son Maxim, who is currently working his way through the program.

In the first half of our conversation, Matt shares what kickstarted this idea and what's lacking in the education model for young men today. We then turn to the nuts and bolts of The Preparation, and Matt walks us through several of the program’s hands-on cycles — including earning EMT certification, building a house, and training as a fighter in Thailand — and how gaining these real-world skills prepares a young man for whatever is next in life.

After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/thepreparation

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Modern medicine has given us incredible tools to peer inside the body and spot disease earlier than ever before. But with that power comes a problem: the more we look, the more we find — and not everything we find needs fixing.

My guest today, neurologist Dr. Suzanne O'Sullivan, argues that our culture of over-diagnosis is leaving many people more anxious, more medicalized, and sometimes less healthy. In her book The Age of Diagnosis: How Our Obsession with Medical Labels Is Making Us Sicker, she explains how screening tests, shifting definitions of “normal,” and the rise of mental health labels can turn ordinary struggles or idiosyncrasies into problems in need of treatment. We dig into everything from cancer and diabetes to Lyme disease and ADHD and discuss how diagnosis really works, why screening can sometimes harm as much as it helps, and how to know when a label is and isn't useful.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.