The Art of Manliness

When it comes to weight management and all-around good metabolic health, we most often think about what to eat. But my guest would say that it's also crucial to think about when to eat,

Emily Manoogian is a chronobiologist and clinical researcher at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies. Today on the show, Emily shares how to create an optimal schedule for a healthy metabolism by aligning your eating schedule with your circadian rhythm. She explains when to start eating after waking, when to stop eating before bed, the importance of sticking to a set schedule, and what happens to your metabolism when you don't follow these timing guidelines. We also talk about how to best distribute your calorie intake throughout the day and how to eat to mitigate the metabolic problems that come with being a shift worker.

• The Salk Institute
• My Circadian Clock app
• AoM Podcast #1,016: Unlock Better Sleep and Health by Harnessing Your Circadian Rhythm

• Emily on LinkedIn
• Emily on X

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In 18th century America, this book was second in popularity only to the Bible.

It was a favorite of many thinkers and leaders throughout history, including Emerson, Napoleon, Machiavelli, Nietzsche, and even President Truman.

Yet, you probably haven't read it.

It's Plutarch's Parallel Lives.

If you're not familiar with Plutarch's Lives, you're in for a treat, as today's episode offers a great intro. My guest, Alex Petkas, found that even though he's a former classicist and professor, Plutarch's Lives is still a tough read, which is why he started a podcast, The Cost of Glory, to make it more accessible to people. He does the same thing on today's episode, sharing the background on Plutarch's set of biographies and its major themes. Alex explains why Plutarch thought that biography was a powerful way to transmit morals and how the Homeric virtue he had in mind differed from that of just having good, upstanding character. Alex then gives us a taste of Plutarch as we discuss the lives of two obscure Greek and Roman figures. We end our conversation with how to get started studying Plutarch yourself.

• Cost of Glory website
• Alex's resource on how to read Plutarch's Lives, with links to the mentioned Penguin editions
• Alex's recommended episodes of the Cost of Glory podcast:
  • Pompey I: Kid Butcher
  • Crassus I: Richest Man in Rome
• AoM Article: An Intro to Envy
• AoM Article: Envy, Ressentiment, and the Inversion of Values
• AoM Podcast #949: Unpacking The Emotion No One Likes to Talk About
• Sulla
• Eumenes
• Sertorius
• Blood and Thunder: The Epic Story of Kit Carson and the Conquest of the American West by Hampton Sides + AoM podcast episode about the book

• Alex on LinkedIn
• Alex on X
• Alex on IG

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This episode starts off a little differently than others — with a short quiz, something called the Brief Sensation-Seeking Scale, which will tell you whether you're what psychologists call a high sensation-seeker or a low sensation-seeker. Read the following eight statements, and then pick a number from 1 to 5 that corresponds to your level of agreement, where 1 is "Not at all like me," 2 is "Not like me," 3 is "Unsure or both like and not like me," 4 is "Like me," and 5 is "Very much like me."

Now add up all the numbers together. If you scored between 8 and 16, you are a low sensation-seeker. If you scored between 16 and 28, you're about average for sensation-seeking. If you scored over 28, you're a high sensation-seeker.

Today on the show, I unpack what these categories of personality mean with Dr. Kenneth Carter, a clinical psychologist, a professor, and the author of Buzz!: Inside the Minds of Thrill-Seekers, Daredevils, and Adrenaline Junkies. Ken explains how sensation-seeking exists on a spectrum between chill seekers, who like safety and calm routine, and thrill seekers, who enjoy chaos, risk, and novelty. He shares how there are actually four components to high sensation-seeking, and which two tend to get people in trouble. And we talk about whether being high or low sensation-seeking is a matter of nature or nurture, how high sensation-seekers fare in romantic relationships and what they should consider in choosing a career, and what the world's chill seekers can learn from its thrill seekers.

• 40-Question Sensation-Seeking Scale Test

• Ken's website
• Ken on IG
• Ken on X
• Ken's faculty page

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“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love,” Charlie Brown once said. Indeed, being spurned by one's crush, or, for that matter, by a friend or potential employer, not only ruins the taste of one's favorite sandwich spread, but causes great psychological distress and even physical pain.

Here to walk us through one of life's worst feelings is Mark Leary, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, and the editor of Interpersonal Rejection. Today on the show, Mark unpacks the experience of social rejection, including why we're so sensitive to it and the emotions and behaviors it causes, which can be positive and prosocial or maladaptive and even violent. We discuss the role that is played by the sociometer, a concept Mark originated, in monitoring our social acceptance and rejection and what influences its sensitivity to fluctuations in your relational value. And Mark offers advice on how to remove some of the sting of rejection and civilly reject others.

• Mark's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #725 — The Curse of the Self
• Simpsons' episode where Lisa breaks Ralph's heart
• AoM Article: Honor in the American South

• Mark's faculty page

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Note: This is a rebroadcast.

Nietzsche's maxim, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," isn't just a sound philosophical principle. It's also a certifiable physiological phenomenon; toxins and stressors that could be deadly in large doses, actually improve health and resilience in smaller, intermittent ones. The ironic thing, my guest points out, is that it's the fact that we're not getting enough of this sublethal stress these days that's really doing us in.

Paul Taylor is a former British Royal Navy Aircrew Officer, an exercise physiologist, nutritionist, and neuroscientist, and the author of Death by Comfort: How Modern Life is Killing Us and What We Can Do About It. Today on the show, Paul discusses the science of hormesis, how small doses of intermittent stress can make us more resistant to chronic stress, and why you need to embrace what Paul calls "discomfort harvesting." We talk about some now-familiar topics like fasting and cold and heat exposure with fresh inspiration as to how important they are to practice and how to do them effectively. We discuss how hot a sauna needs to be to get the benefits of heat exposure, Paul's suggestion for how to make an ice bath on the cheap, what may be the single best type of food to eat to improve your gut's microbiome, a form of fasting that's got anti-cancer benefits but is so accessible it won't even feel like fasting, what supplement to take to mitigate the effects of a bad night's sleep, and much more. We end our conversation with how to use what Paul calls a "ritual board" to stick with your healthy habits and resist the "soft underbelly" of modern life.

• AoMPodcast #708: Overcome the Comfort Crisis
• AoM article/video on the benefits of cold showers
• AoM Podcast #801: The Cold Water Swim Cure
• AoM Podcast #603: The Physical Keys to Human Resilience
• AoM Article: How Saunas Can Help Save Your Body, Mind, and Spirit
• AoM Article: How to Sauna — All the FAQs
• AoM Podcast #585: Inflammation, Saunas, and the New Science of Depression
• AoM Podcast #862: Heal the Body With Extended Fasting
• AoM Podcast #328: The Pros and Cons of Intermittent Fasting
• AoM Podcast #581: The Tiny Habits That Change Everything
• AoM Podcast #425: Action Over Feelings
• The NOVA Food Classification System
• Stanford study on the effect of fiber and fermented food on the microbiome
• Research on creatine as a neurotransmitter and creatine's effect on brain health (including impact when sleep deprived)

• Paul's website
• Paul on IG
• Paul on LinkedIn
• Paul's podcast
• Paul's mental fitness course for coaches and health professionals

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In creating the Jack Reacher character, Lee Child launched a series of books that now boast 100 million copies in print and have been turned into movies and a popular Amazon streaming series.

Today on the show, I talk to Lee about what makes Reacher so compelling and much more. We first discuss how Lee didn't get started with writing until he was almost forty, and what prompted him to change careers. We then unpack the Reacher character, discussing the ancient, archetypal roots of this vigilante, drifter detective, what he has in common with the knight errant, and the enduring appeal of the lone wolf. We also talk about Lee's writing process, why midlife is the best time to write, and why, after writing more than two dozen Reacher novels, he's chosen to hand off the series to his brother and fellow writer, Andrew.

• The latest Reacher novel: In Too Deep
• The Reacher streaming series 
• Jack Reacher website

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Money can't buy happiness. It sounds good as a bumper sticker platitude.

But the truth is, money can buy happiness. At least sometimes. In certain circumstances. If we view it and use it in the right ways.

Here to unpack the conditions under which money can buy happiness and facilitate our flourishing is Dr. Daniel Crosby, a psychologist and behavioral finance expert and the author of The Soul of Wealth: 50 Reflections on Money and Meaning. Today on the show, Daniel shares the minimum income level at which money buys happiness, at least in the sense of avoiding pain. We talk about how to purchase material things in a way that increases happiness, while avoiding materialism, and the value of using your money to buy health and freedom. And we discuss the importance of finding an overarching why that guides the way you allocate your money and doing a values audit to see if your purpose and spending habits are aligned.

• Daniel's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
  • Episode #222: The Laws of Wealth
  • Episode #511: Mastering the Psychology of Investing
• AoM Podcast #659: Do You Want to Be Rich or Wealthy? (And Why the Difference Matters)
• AoM Podcast #321: How to Think About Money
• "Experiences Won’t Make You Happier Than Possessions"
• Die with Zero by Bill Perkins

• Daniel on X
• Daniel's podcast, Standard Deviations
• Daniel on LinkedIn

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Are leaders born or made? Judging by the 50 billion dollar leadership development industry, the answer is definitely the latter. From schools to workplaces, everyone is seen as a potential leader and expected to become one by undergoing leadership training.

My guest questions the assumptions underlying this phenomenon, which he calls "the leadership industrial complex," and says that the cult of leadership, and its idea that everyone can and should become a leader, can create burnout and unhappiness.

Elias Aboujaoude is a Stanford professor of psychiatry and the author of A Leader's Destiny: Why Psychology, Personality, and Character Make All the Difference. Today on the show, Elias describes the state of the leadership industrial complex, the mathematical impossibility it forwards that everyone can be a leader and no one is a follower, and the primary presumption it makes that leadership can be taught. Elias argues that, in fact, a lot of what makes for good leadership is innate and potentially unchangeable. We discuss the implications of this fact, and why it's actually okay not to want to be a leader.

• AoM Podcast #838: Can Virtue Be Taught?
• AoM Article: Don’t Just Lead Well, Follow Well
• AoM Article: Are You a Strategist or an Operator? 

• Elias' website
• Elias' Stanford profile page

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When people think about living more fully and making better use of their time, they typically think of finding some new organizational system they can structure their lives with.

Oliver Burkeman says that what you really need instead are perspective shifts — small, sustainable changes in how you view and approach your day-to-day life. He provides those mindset shifts in his new book, Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts. And we talk about some of them today on the show, including why you should view life's tasks and problems like a river instead of a bucket, stop feeling guilt over your "productivity debt," make peace with your decisions by embracing an unconventional reading of the poem "The Road Not Taken," aim to do your habits "dailyish," be more welcoming of interruptions, and practice "scruffy hospitality."

• Oliver's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #748 — Time Management for Mortals
• AoM Article: Autofocus — The Productivity System That Treats Your To-Do List Like a River
• AoM Podcast #956: Feeling Depressed and Discombobulated? Social Acceleration May Be to Blame
• Sunday Firesides: To-Dos, the Rent We Pay For Living
• AoM Podcast #962: The Case for Minding Your Own Business
• AoM Podcast #821: Routines Are Overrated
• AoM Article: Routines Not Working For You? Try a Daily Checklist
• Sunday Firesides: Life Is for Living
• Resonance: A Sociology of Our Relationship to the World by Hartmut Rosa
• "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost
• The Road Not Taken: Finding America in the Poem Everyone Loves and Almost Everyone Gets Wrong by David Orr
• "The Road Less Traveled" — great, short podcast on the alternate interpretation of Frost's poem

• Oliver's website

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We often think of the difference between a boy and a man as a matter of age. But Brian Tome says that there can be 15-year-old men and 45-year-old boys, and that the real difference maker in being grown up isn't a matter of the number of years you accumulate but the qualities, behaviors, and mindset you possess.

Brian is a pastor and the author of The Five Marks of a Man. Today on the show, Brian unpacks what he thinks are the marks of mature manhood. We talk about the need to have a vision and how life-giving hobbies can create that vision. Brian argues that manhood requires staking out a minority position, being part of a pack, and creating more than you consume. And we discuss the ways men can still be protectors in the 21st century.

• AoM Podcast #78: The Myth of Following Your Passion
• AoM Article: The Ultimate List of Hobbies for Men — 75+ Ideas For Your Free Time
• AoM series on the 3 P's of Manhood: Protect, Procreate, Provide 
• AoM Podcast #926: The 5 Shifts of Manhood
• AoM Podcast #810: How to Turn a Boy Into a Man
• AoM Article: Why Are Female Friendships the Ideal? (‘Cause Dude Friendships Also Rock)
• AoM Article: Modern Maturity — Create More, Consume Less
• Brian's Man Camp

• Brian's website

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Imagination is the ability to form mental images and concepts that don't exist or haven’t happened yet, think outside of current realities, and form connections between existing ideas to create something new and original.

If the number of movie sequels and the outsized popularity of music made decades ago is any measure, our current age is suffering from a deficit in imagination. And indeed, tests show that creativity, which takes the possibilities generated in the mind and produces something with them, has been in decline for many years now — a phenomenon that has repercussions for our personal edification, professional advancement, and societal flowering.

But if our imagination has indeed atrophied, the good news is that it can be strengthened. So argues my guest, Albert Read, the former managing director of Condé Nast Britain and the author of The Imagination Muscle: Where Good Ideas Come From (And How to Have More of Them). Today on the show, Albert shares his ideas on how our imagination can be built back up. We discuss how to get better at observation and how to use a commonplace book and the way you structure your reading to cross-pollinate your thinking and generate more fruitful ideas. We also discuss how to overcome the unthinking habit, resist stagnation as you age, and embrace imaginative risk.

• AoM Podcast #432: How to Achieve Creative Success
• AoM Podcast #683: How to Think Like a Renaissance Man
• AoM Podcast #357: How to Be a Creative Genius Like da Vinci
• AoM Podcast #874: Throw a 2-Hour Cocktail Party That Can Change Your Life

• Albert's website 

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In an age that doesn't think too much about history, you might be forgiven for thinking that a culture of exercise only emerged in the 20th century. But the idea of purposefully exercising to change one's body — what folks used to call "physical culture" — likely goes back to the very beginnings of time.

Here to unpack the origins, evolution, and future of fitness is Dr. Conor Heffernan, a Lecturer in the Sociology of Sport at Ulster University and the author of The History of Physical Culture. Today on the show, Conor takes us on a fascinating and wide-ranging tour of physical culture, from the ancient Egyptians, who made their pharaohs run around a pyramid to test their fitness to rule, to the ancient Greeks who used their gymnasiums for both bodily training and intellectual philosophizing, to modern strongmen who became proto fitness influencers, and many periods and societies in between. We discuss how training practices changed over time, where they may be going next, and the evergreen principles from past eras that we could still learn from today.

• AoM Podcast #988: Of Strength and Soul — Exploring the Philosophy of Physical Fitness
• AoM Podcast #939: What Lifting Ancient Stones Can Teach You About Being a Man
• Rogue documentaries on stone lifting in Scotland, Iceland, and Spain
• AoM Podcast #39: Eugen Sandow, Victorian Strongman
• AoM Podcast #624: The Crazy, Forgotten Story of America’s First Fitness Influencer, Bernarr MacFadden
• AoM Article: An Introduction to Indian Club Training
• AoM Video: Intro to Indian Club Training
• De Arte Gymnastica
• Johann GutsMuths
• Friedrich Ludwig Jahn
• Turnvereine gymnastic system 
• The Strongman Project 

• Physical Culture Study website
• Conor's faculty page

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Do you have trouble feeling comfortable when socializing? Maybe sometimes you do fine, but other times you feel nervous, shy, and awkward. Or maybe socializing always feels like a struggle. Either way, you know how frustrating and even debilitating social anxiety can be. It cannot only lead to avoiding potentially enriching experiences and a failure to make desired connections, it can sometimes be hard to understand.

So what's going on when you socially misfire?

Here to unpack that question is Thomas Smithyman, who is a clinical psychologist and the author of Dating Without Fear: Overcome Social Anxiety and Connect. Today on the show, we get into the dynamics of social anxiety in both romantic and platonic contexts. Thomas explains what defines social anxiety, how it exists on a spectrum from mild shyness to an outright disorder, and what causes it, from genetics to faulty thinking. We talk about the protection strategies people often use to avoid the pain of social judgement, and why they actually backfire. We then get into what you can do to be more socially comfortable and confident, including a key to effective flirting, why you should try to make a "mediocre first impression," and how to find your way into what Thomas calls the "warm social world."

• AoM series on overcoming shyness 
• AoM Article: Introversion as an Excuse
• AoM Article: How to Overcome Phone Shyness
• Sunday Firesides: Want to Solve Your Social Problems? Get Over Your Self

• Thomas' website
• Thomas' YouTube channel

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With over 300 million books sold, Louis L'Amour is one of the bestselling authors of all time. All 120 of his books remain in print. But the greatest story L'Amour ever penned was his own. He spent the early part of his life traveling in a circus, working as a lumberjack and miner, circling the world as a seaman, winning over 50 fights as a professional boxer, and serving in WWII.

Today on the show, I talk about both the personal and professional aspects of Louis' life with his son, Beau L'Amour. We discuss some of Louis' adventures and the autodidactic education he gave himself by way of a voracious reading habit. We then turn to how Louis got started as a writer and how he cut his teeth writing for pulp magazines before breaking through as a Western novelist and becoming a blockbuster success in his sixties.

• Louis L'Amour works mentioned in the show:
  • Education of a Wandering Man: A Memoir
  • Hondo
  • Yondering
  • No Traveller Returns
  • The Walking Drum
  • Last of the Breed
  • Louis L'Amour's Lost Treasures, Volume 1 and Volume 2
• "Holding Her Down" by Jack London
• AoM Article: How and Why to Become a Lifelong Learner
• AoM Article: The Libraries of Famous Men — Louis L’Amour

• The Louis L'Amour website
• Beau's website

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What if there was a supplement that could build muscle, maintain bone health, fortify the brain against cognitive decline due to age and stress, and alleviate depression, has been proven safe, and comes with almost no side effects? Well, there is such a supplement, it's been around a long time, and it isn't even expensive. It's creatine.

Here to unpack the myths, benefits, and recommended ways to use creatine is Darren Candow, a professor of exercise physiology and nutrition who supervises the Aging Muscle and Bone Health Laboratory at the University of Regina. Darren specializes in studying creatine and has published over 70 papers on the subject. Today on the show, Darren explains how a supplement often associated with bodybuilders may actually be beneficial for just about everyone — athletes and non-athletes and the young and old alike. He unpacks what creatine does in the body, and how its benefits extend beyond the body and into the brain. He offers recommendations on the formulation of creatine to use, a suggested dosage and whether it should increase with age, and how to avoid the bloating effect. He also shares what we know about creatine's safety, including its effects on the kidneys, and whether it can cause hair loss.

• AoM Article: Creatine — A Primer on Its Benefits and Use
• AoM Article: A Primer On Muscle-Building Supplements — Which Work and Which Don’t?
• AoM Podcast #878: The Fitness Supplements That Actually Work
• AoM Podcast #585: Inflammation, Saunas, and the New Science of Depression
• AoM Podcast #852: The Brain Energy Theory of Mental Illness
• Darren's studies

• Darren's faculty page
• Darren on IG

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Self-control, the ability to resolve a conflict between two competing desires, is frequently touted as the golden key to success. But many of the most popular ideas about self-control are actually at odds with how it really operates.

Here to unpack some of the lesser-understood and counterintuitive ideas around discipline and willpower is Michael Inzlicht, a professor of psychology who has studied the nature of self-regulation in depth. In the first part of our conversation, Michael unpacks the popular ego depletion model of willpower and how it hasn't held up to scientific scrutiny. We then turn to the surprising fact that the people who seem to exhibit a lot of self-control don't actually exercise a lot of discipline and restraint in their lives, that the achievement of goals is more a function of having virtuous desires, and what contributes to having those desires.

• Related studies:
  • Perceived Mental Fatigue and Self-Control
  • A Multilab Preregistered Replication of the Ego-Depletion Effect
  • Everyday Temptations: An Experience Sampling Study of Desire, Conflict, and Self-Control
  • New Zealand Study on Trait Self-Control
  • The Moralization of Effort
  • The Mundanity of Excellence
  • The Identity Model of Self-Regulation
  • The Effort Paradox: Effort Is Both Costly and Valued
• AoM Podcast #961: The Mundanity of Excellence
• AoM Article: Motivation Over Discipline
• AoM Article: ¿Tienes Ganas?
• Sunday Firesides: What Looks Like Grit, Is Often Fit
• AoM Article: What Do You Want to Want?

• Michael's website
• Michael's faculty page
• Michael on X

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For decades, some researchers have argued that the notable human capacity for endurance evolved from the hunting practices of our ancestors, which produced physiological adaptations that make us uniquely well suited for running.

But this theory has always had its detractors.

As my guest explains, a new study addresses these long-standing criticisms and adds evidence that, indeed, we were all born to run.

Alex Hutchinson is a journalist who covers the science of endurance and fitness, and today on the show, he explains what those criticisms were and how this new research counters them. We talk about the role running held amongst peoples of the past, how running is not only primal but cultural and even spiritual, and why we continue to run today, even though we’re not hunting for food. And we discuss how, even if we are born to run, that doesn’t mean everyone will always enjoy running all of the time, and how to get into running if you’re someone who doesn’t feel an innate desire for it.

• Alex’s previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
  • Episode #382: How to Lift More, Run Faster, and Endure Longer
  • Episode #538: Research-Backed Answers to All Your Fitness FAQs
• “Why You (Yes, You) Were Born to Run” by Alex Hutchinson
• “Ethnography and Ethnohistory Support the Efficiency of Hunting Through Endurance Running in Humans”
• Indian Running: Native American History and Tradition by Peter Nabokov
• The Hunting Hypothesis by Robert Ardrey
• “The Energetic Paradox of Human Running and Hominid Evolution” — 1984 paper by David Carrier
• Why We Run by Bernd Heinrich
• AoM Podcast #691: What You Can (Really) Learn About Exercise from Your Human Ancestors With Daniel Lieberman
• Born to Run by Christopher McDougall
• “Reexamining the Mythology of the Tarahumara Runners” by Alex Hutchinson
• To the Limit: The Meaning of Endurance from Mexico to the Himalayas by Michael Crawley

• Alex’s website
• Alex at Outside

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In a family, a lot of the dynamics around devices and screens are reactive in nature. Kids bug for their own smartphones, parents worry they'll be left out without one, and without weighing the pros and cons, give in to their kids' requests. Parents let children have a ton of screen time because it lets the parents do what they want; then, they reach a moment where they feel disturbed about how much time their kids are on screens, berate their children for this habit, which they've facilitated, and vow that things are going to abruptly turn around.

Rather than basing your policies about kids and screens on mood, fear, and impulse, it would be better to do so based on reason and reflection. Emily Cherkin has some ideas on how to get there. Emily is a former teacher, a screentime consultant who helps parents and educators balance the role of devices in kids' lives, and the author of The Screentime Solution: A Judgment-Free Guide to Becoming a Tech-Intentional Family. Today on the show, Emily unpacks the state of screentime amongst kids today, how the "displacement hypothesis" explains how its impact extends beyond a decline in mental health, and why parents give their kids smartphones even when they're not sure it's good for them. We then turn to how families can become more tech intentional, and how that starts with parents taking a look at their own behavior. We discuss why putting parental controls on devices isn't the ultimate solution, why a better one is based on your relationship with your kids, why you need to live your digital life out loud, and some considerations to think through before getting your kid their first smartphone.

• AoM Podcast #300: How to Raise Free Range Kids With Lenore Skenazy
• AoM Article: What’s the Right Age to Get a Kid Their First Smartphone? 3 Tech Thinkers Weigh In
• AoM Article: The Best Internet Filter for Kids
• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt
• The Light Phone

• Emily's website

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Although they may call it different things and approach its attainment in different ways, many of the world’s religions and philosophies have a similar goal: achieving a life of virtue, peace, and flourishing.

In his new book, Seriously Happy, Ben Aldrige explains how anyone can use the wisdom of ancient traditions to improve themselves and live the Good life. Today on the show, Ben offers a thumbnail sketch of Buddhism, Cynicism, Taoism, Stoicism, Epicureanism, and Aristotelianism, along with practices and challenges inspired by these philosophies, including walking a banana, listening to a music performance without music, and taking a Wu Wei adventure, that you can use to put ancient wisdom into action and become a better and happier man.

• Ben’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #640 — Weird and Wonderful Ways to Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
• AoM Podcast #148: Trying Not to Try
• Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment by Robert Wright
• John Cage’s 4’33”
• Albert Ellis’ Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

• Ben’s website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

Over the last year, my 12-year-old son has been doing one challenge every week as a rite of passage and chance to earn a special trip. Some of these challenges have involved reading a book in a week, and the most recent book we gave him to read was How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. His review? He said it was the best book he's read so far.

So a book written almost 90 years ago can still be a favorite of a kid in the 21st century. Talk about some staying power. 

The advice in How to Win Friends & Influence People, and Dale Carnegie's other classic, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, is timeless. But to help introduce it to a new audience, my guest, Joe Hart, has recently co-authored the book Take Command, which synthesizes, updates, and adds to the principles of Carnegie's two perennial bestsellers. Joe is the President and CEO of Dale Carnegie & Associates, which continues Carnegie's work in the present day, and we begin our conversation with some background on the guy who kicked off this work back in 1936. We then talk about what principles we can take from How to Stop Worrying and Start Living on developing a positive mindset. From there, we talk about the big overarching principle of How to Win Friends & Influence People, and how you can use it to improve your relationships. We end our conversation with advice on how to live life with more intentionality and meaning.

• How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
• How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie
• The Dale Carnegie Website, with links to the Take Command book page and the Dale Carnegie Course
• AoM Article: The 8 Best Vintage Self-Improvement Books
• AoM Podcast #818: The Philosophy of Self-Improvement
• AoM Podcast #457: Leadership Lessons With Craig Groeschel
• AoM Podcast #527: The Journey to the Second Half of Life With Richard Rohr
• AoM Podcast #518: The Second Mountain With David Brooks

• Joe on Twitter
• Joe on LinkedIn

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As you get older, you can start to feel like you'll never achieve your dream or receive recognition for your contributions to a field, or that your best work is behind you.

Mo Rocca has compiled stories that demonstrate that you shouldn't give up hope, and that no matter your age, the best may yet be to come.

Mo is a humorist, journalist, and the co-author of Roctogenarians: Late in Life Debuts, Comebacks, and Triumphs. Today on the show, Mo shares the stories and lessons of entrepreneurs, artists, actors, and more who achieved greatness or adulation in their twilight years or had a new spurt of creativity when they thought the well had run dry, including KFC founder Colonel Sanders, the artist Matisse, a couple of guys who didn't receive their first war wounds until they were old enough to qualify for the senior citizen discount at Denny's, and even a virile 90-year-old tortoise.

• AoM Podcast #849: Live Life in Crescendo
• Samuel Whittemore
• John L. Burns
• Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater
• Frank Lloyd Wright's Guggenheim Museum
• Henri Matisse's The Swimming Pool
• Documentary about Tyrus Wong
• Mr. Pickles the Tortoise

• Mo on X

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Your relationship with your mother is likely the first and most foundational connection in your life. At its best, this bond can be a source of comfort, strength, and love that lasts a lifetime and changes in healthy, appropriate, and adaptive ways as you mature into adulthood.

But sometimes, the attachment between a mother and her son can become unhealthy, resulting in a phenomenon called mother-son enmeshment, in which a man can become a kind of surrogate husband to his mom.

Here to unpack this complex issue is Dr. Kenneth Adams. Ken is a clinical psychologist who has spent much of his career working with what he calls "mother-enmeshed men" and is the author of When He's Married to Mom. Today on the show, Ken unpacks the characteristics of mother-enmeshed men and how to know if you are one, and he explains what can happen in childhood that would cause a mother to enmesh with her son. We discuss the problems enmeshment can create in men's relationships and other areas of life and how it can lead to things like compulsive porn use. And we unpack what it means for a man to become independent and emancipate from his mother, how it's different from cutting her off, and what it looks like to have a healthy relationship with your mom.

• Overcoming Enmeshment website 

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You probably know your body follows a circadian rhythm, and probably think of it as primarily regulating your sleep/wake cycle, which it certainly does. But your body's internal clock also regulates many other physical, mental, and behavioral changes that occur every 24 hours, and working with your circadian rhythm, rather than against it, can boost your health and happiness.

Here to unpack how to do so is Russell Foster, a professor of circadian neuroscience and the author of Life Time: Your Body Clock and Its Essential Roles in Good Health and Sleep. In the first part of our conversation, we discuss some science and background on circadian rhythm and its connection to light exposure. We then turn to the practical implications of having an internal clock, including whether you need to worry about viewing blue light at night, the significant mental and physical harms that can accrue from working the night shift and what can be done to mitigate them, what influences your chronotype and whether you're a morning lark or a night owl, whether you should be concerned if you're waking up in the middle of the night, why you wake up to pee in the night, the best times of day to exercise, and how the circadian rhythm can influence when you should take medication.

• Russell at the Sleep and Circadian Neuroscience Institute

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A fair amount of gear is involved in making a camping or backpacking trip a success, and choosing that gear can be a little intimidating as there are lots of options, and it's expensive to boot.

Here to offer some tips on selecting gear and getting the most out of it is Craig Caudill, an avid outdoorsman, the director and lead instructor of the Nature Reliance School, and the author of Ultimate Wilderness Gear: Everything You Need to Know to Choose and Use the Best Outdoor Equipment. Today on the show, Craig and I discuss some things to know when purchasing things like boots, tents, sleeping bags, and more, and we offer some specific recommendations as to the gear that's worked for us respectively. Craig also offers tips on using outdoor equipment, including how to dry wet boots without damaging them, whether you should put a tarp under your tent, what to do if you get hot and sweaty or cold in your sleeping bag, a hack for sleeping more comfortably on the ground, and the best kind of knife for an outdoorsman to carry.

• AoM Article: How to Filter and Purify Water for Traveling, Camping, and Survival
• AoM Article: The Benefits of Hammock Camping
• AoM Article: How to Pack a Backpack for Backpacking
• AoM Article: Two Things You Should Be Doing to Take Better Care of Your Camping Gear
• AoM Article: Outdoor Hydration Showdown — Nalgene Bottle vs. Water Bladder
• AoM Article: How to Choose the Perfect Survival Knife
• Craig's books
• Native Summit in Edmond, OK
• Brett's Tent: Hubba Hubba 2-Person Backpacking Tent
• Hennessy Hammock Tent
• Warbonnet Hammock Tents
• Military Modular Sleep System
• Brett's Sleeping Pad: Big Agnes
• Kate's Sleeping Pad: Therm-A-Rest Trail Prolite Apex
• Backpacking Cot
• Brett's Backpacking Pillow: Sea to Summit Aeros
• Brett's Water Bladder: HydraPak Shape-Shift
• Craig's Water Filter: Sawyer Mini
• Brett's Water Filter: Katadyn Hiker Pro Hand Pump Water Filter
• Sawyer Squeeze Water Filter
• Brett's Backpacking Stove: Jetboil Stove
• Fire-Maple Backpacking Stove
• MSR Backpacking Stove
• LT Wright Handcrafted Knives
• Fast Fire Firestarters
• Hill People Gear Backpacks

• Nature Reliance School
• Craig on IG
• Craig on LinkedIn

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You may know Nate Silver as an election forecaster. But he’s a poker player as well. And his experiences operating in a world of competition and risk led him to explore what his fellow gamblers, as well as hedge fund managers, venture capitalists, and many other kinds of maverick types do differently than other people.

Amongst the findings Nate shares in his new book, On the Edge: The Art of Risking Everything, are the “13 habits of highly effective risk-takers.” Nate and I discuss some of these habits today on the show, including exercising strategic empathy, avoiding the pitfalls of resulting, taking a raise or fold stance toward life, and more.

• AoM Podcast #685: How to Decide With Annie Duke
• AoM Podcast #840: When to Quit With Annie Duke
• Sunday Firesides: Careful Kills

• Nate‘s Substack
• Nate on X

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To train the body, strengthening its muscles, increasing its cardiovascular health, and improving its agility, you need to do exercises like stretching, running, and lifting weights.

To train the soul, expanding its capacity, you likewise need to perform exercises, in this case, what are called "spiritual disciplines" — practices like fasting, silence, self-examination, study, and simplicity.

As a pastor, John Mark Comer approaches the spiritual disciplines from a Christian perspective, as the habits and practices from "the way of Jesus" that allow individuals to make deeper layers of themselves available to grace and access the transforming power that's necessary to become what John Mark calls "a person of love."

But the practices that are considered spiritual disciplines can be found across different religions, and even philosophies like Stoicism, and can be utilized by people from varied backgrounds to deepen their inner life and strength, center themselves in chaos, find greater purpose, and subdue baser desires to reach for higher ideals.

Today on the show, John Mark offers an introduction to the spiritual disciplines, and the way they can be an act of resistance, a way for us to form our own values and rhythms in life, instead of allowing our lives to be formed by the defaults and external forces of our age.

• The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
• Practicing the Way by John Mark Comer
• AoM's series on the spiritual disciplines:
  • An Introduction to the Spiritual Disciplines
  • Study and Self-Examination
  • Solitude and Silence
  • Simplicity
  • Fasting
  • Gratitude
• AoM Article: How and Why to Take a Tech Sabbath
• AoM Podcast #503: The Case for the 24/6 Lifestyle
• AoM Podcast #708: Overcome the Comfort Crisis

• John Mark's website 

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If you’re a parent, teacher, coach, or manager who lives, loves, and works with tweens, teens, and 20s-somethings, you know that young people sometimes act in seemingly head-scratching ways, that you don’t always feel like you’re being listened to, and that it can be frustrating to try to guide them in acting towards positive ends.

The source of these challenges is often chalked up to the underdeveloped brains and hormones that tweens through young twenty-somethings possess. But my guest would say that what’s more to blame is the ineffective way mentors often approach young adults.

David Yeager is a developmental psychologist and the author of 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People: A Groundbreaking Approach to Leading the Next Generation—And Making Your Own Life Easier. Today on the show, David and I discuss the “mentor’s dilemma” — the idea that you either have to be a tough authoritarian who holds young adults to high standards or a softie push-over who doesn’t crush a kid’s spirit — and how to navigate through this unnecessary dichotomy. David explains the critical importance of understanding what really drives young adults, what approaches cause them to shut down and disengage, and the best practices that parents, teachers, and other mentors can take to leave young adults feeling inspired, enthusiastic, and ready to contribute.

• Texas Behavioral Science and Policy Institute
• David’s faculty page

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When many people try to lose weight, they choose a specific, cookie-cutter diet that claims to be the one true way to shed pounds. My guest says that approach is bound to backfire, and that there's a better way to lose weight and change your body composition.

Alan Aragon is a researcher and educator, a pioneer of evidence-based nutrition, and the author of Flexible Dieting: A Science-Based, Reality-Tested Method for Achieving and Maintaining Your Optimal Physique, Performance & Health. Today on the show, Alan offers an intro to his method of flexible dieting, in which, as long as you stay in a caloric deficit and hit your daily protein target, you can decide on how much fat and carbs to consume according to personal preference. We discuss what to keep in mind as you create your own individualized nutrition plan, including how much protein you need a day, the minimum amount of fat to get in your diet to avoid a decrease in testosterone, and the minimum of carbs to consume to maximize muscle gain. And, because flexible dieting is also about not rigidly sticking with your diet 100% of the time, Alan shares how often you should take a break from your diet to eat what you want.

• AoM Podcast #475: How to Lose Weight, and Keep It Off Forever
• Alan's diet calculator
• AoM intro to tracking macros
• AoM Article: How I Used the AoM Podcast to Lose 20 Pounds in 3 Months
• AoM Article: Why Carbs Don’t Make You Fat

• Alan's website and research review
• Alan on IG
• Alan on X

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When we think about anxiety, we typically think of something that is generated and felt within an individual. But Murray Bowen, a psychiatrist of the mid-20th century, argued that anxiety was also created by the interactions between individuals and could spread like a contagion in a group, an idea known as "Family Systems Theory."

Here to offer an introduction to Family Systems Theory and how its implications extend far beyond the family is Steve Cuss, who is a former hospital chaplain, a pastor, the founder of Capable Life, which offers coaching and consultation, and the author of Managing Leadership Anxiety: Yours and Theirs. Today on the show, Steve and I discuss how individuals in both families and organizations can "infect a situation with [their] own assumptions and expectations" and create a sense of anxiety that permeates a group. Steve unpacks the false needs that create chronic anxiety in an individual, how this anxiety spreads to others, and the unhealthy ways people deal with this tension, including becoming fused together. And we talk about how to put this anxiety back where it belongs, and how a single person can change a group dynamic by differentiating from it and becoming a rooted self.

• Murray Bowen
• A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin H. Friedman
• AoM Article: The 5 Characteristics of Highly Dysfunctional Groups
• AoM Article: Becoming a Well-Differentiated Leader
• The Cornerstone Concept by Roberta M. Gilbert
• Sunday Firesides: You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Feelings

• Steve's website

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Do moments where you run up against your dependence on modern technology get you wondering about the ways some of your personal capabilities seem to be atrophying?

Graham Lee has spent years thinking about this idea. While he's a digital skills educator who appreciates the way technology can enhance our abilities, he worries that our ever-increasing reliance on algorithms and artificial intelligence may be robbing us of elements that are vital to the core of who we are.

Lee is the author of Human Being: Reclaim 12 Vital Skills We’re Losing to Technology, and today on the show, we talk about some of those dozen endangered skills, including navigation, reading, writing, craftsmanship, and solitude. Lee offers case studies on how these skills enhance our humanness, why their loss matters, and how we can reclaim these capabilities and a greater sense of satisfaction and self-efficacy.

• We, the Navigators, The Ancient Art of Landfinding in the Pacific by David Lewis
• AoM series on learning how to navigate with a map and compass
• AoM Podcast #534: How Navigation Makes Us Human
• AoM Podcast #793: The New Science of Metabolism and Weight Loss
• AoM article on the benefits of solitude 
• Indian Running: Native American History and Tradition by Peter Nabokov
• Watchmaker Geoge Daniels
• Castaway Alexander Selkirk
• NotebookLM

• Graham on LinkedIn

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You have a relationship with family, with friends, with a romantic partner. You may not have thought about it this way, but you also have a relationship with your job — a quite serious one, in fact; after all, you spend a third of your life working.

Just like the relationship you have with your significant other, there are ups and downs with your relationship with your job. It can start out with exciting honeymoon feelings, but along the way, you can end up drifting apart from your job, lose interest in it, or not feel appreciated. And there can come a time when you start wondering if you and your job should part ways.

Here to help you figure out if you should break up with your job is Tessa West, a professor of psychology and the author of Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works for You. Tessa interviewed thousands of people who have recently switched jobs or undergone career changes and found that there are five forms that job dissatisfaction typically takes. Today on the show, Tessa shares those five job dissatisfaction profiles, and how to know when you need to try to move into a new role within your company, or move on altogether and even change careers.

• Tessa's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #834 — The 7 Types of Work Jerks (And How to Deal With Them)
• AoM Article: 30+ Questions to Ask Yourself Before Leaving a Job
• AoM Podcast #578: Figuring Out If You Should Change Careers (And How to Do It)

• Tessa's website
• Tessa's research lab

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Kelly Starrett, a doctor of physical therapy, has trained professional athletes, Olympians, and military special operators, helping them unlock peak performance. But as he approached his fifties, he started to see cracks appearing in the health of the folks around him. What had worked for his peers in their 20s and 30s, wasn’t working anymore; they were gaining weight, having surgeries, and just didn’t feel good.

So he and his wife and fellow trainer, Juliet, decided to write a book — Built to Move: The Ten Essential Habits to Help You Move Freely and Live Fully — that took all that they’ve learned from training elite performers and distilled it into the foundational practices that everyone, at every age, can use to develop lasting mobility, durability, and all-around health. Today on the show, Kelly unpacks some of those essential physical habits, sharing the “vital signs” — tests that will help you assess how you’re doing in that area — as well as daily practices that will help you strengthen and improve that capacity.

• Kelly’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast — Episode #213: Undoing the Damage of Chronic Sitting
• AoM article on the Sitting-Rising Test
• AoM Article: 7 Simple Exercises That Undo the Damage of Sitting (including the Couch Stretch)
• AoM article on foam rolling
• AoM Article: The Benefits of Hanging for Strength and Mobility
• AoM Article: 12 Balance Exercises You Can Do on a 2×4
• AoM Podcast #638: How Changing Your Breathing Can Change Your Life
• AoM Podcast #678: Physical Benchmarks Every Man Should Meet, At Every Age
• Muscles and Meridians: The Manipulation of Shape by Phillip Beach
• Video of Kelly demonstrating the Couch Stretch
• Video of Kelly demonstrating the squat test
• Video of 90/90 sit/stretch
• Video of Chris Hinshaw demonstrating the Old Man Balance Test
• Get yourself a pull-up bar
• The SlackBlock
• Kelly’s article on fixing shoulder pain, including a video on the Shoulder Spin-Up

• The Ready State website, including the Built to Move book page
• The Ready State on IG
• Kelly on Twitter

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The journey of personal development, of becoming a more excellent and extraordinary individual, can sometimes seem a little abstract. That’s why it’s helpful to imagine it as Mark Divine does, as a set of five metaphorical mountains to scale.

Mark is a retired Navy SEAL Commander, a professor of leadership, a yogi, the creator of fitness and mindset programs like SEALFIT and Unbeatable Mind, and an author. He combines his two decades of military service with his study of martial arts and zen meditation to create the holistic warrior monk development philosophy that informs his work, including his latest book, Uncommon: Simple Principles for an Extraordinary Life.

Today on the show, Mark acts as a guide to the topography of the five mountains of personal development and the daily practices that will help you summit them. We talk about why mastering the physical mountain comes first and climbing the intuitional mountain comes fourth, the Navy SEAL breathing practice that will help you develop your metacognition, how the Japanese concept of ikigai can help you find your purpose in life, and much more.

• Mark’s previous appearance on the Art of Manliness podcast: Episode #60 — The Way of the SEAL
• Box breathing
• Unbeatable Mind by Mark Divine 
• Staring Down the Wolf by Mark Divine
• AoM Article: 4 Key Insights From the Bhagavad Gita
• AoM Podcast #616: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling
• Sunday Firesides: You Don’t Have the Time, Not to Take the Time
• F3 Nation
• Ikigai

• Uncommon website 
• Mark’s website
• Mark on IG

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Filling out paperwork. Making travel reservations. Paying bills. Shopping for groceries. Returning packages.

These are all examples of life admin — the little tasks we have to do to keep our lives moving along.

Life admin is typically pretty tedious and annoying. But staying on top of it is essential to reducing the stress and chaos that would otherwise burden our relationships, muck up the gears of our schedules, and prevent us from participating in all the fun and fulfilling parts of life.

Fortunately, there are ways to better manage your life admin. Here to share some of them is Dinah Rowe-Roberts, the co-host of the Life Admin Life Hacks podcast and the co-author of a book of the same name. Today on the show, Dinah explains what lists you should be keeping, including the 10-minute time killers list, why you should do a regular “hour of power” to stay on top of things, how to schedule your life admin, how to keep track of and divvy up chores between you and your spouse, how to get all your meal planning and grocery shopping done in less than 15 minutes a week, how to streamline your kids’ schedules and your vacation planning, and much more.

• AoM article on shadow work
• AoM article and podcast on how to have a weekly marriage meeting
• AoM article on how to have a weekly family meeting
• AoM article on how to use Todoist to get things done
• AoM article on how to manage your lifeadmin
• AoM article on how and why to have a reset day
• AoM article on 8 lists you should be keeping (besides the to-do list)

• The LifeAdminLife Hacks website
• LifeAdminLife Hacks on IG
• Dinah on LinkedIn

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There has been a lot of media coverage and dialogue about the struggles men are facing in the modern day. There's been some solutions forwarded to these struggles as well. Among these, Dr. Anthony Bradley has a more surprising idea that you don't hear every day: revitalizing college fraternities.

Anthony is a research fellow and professor and the author of Heroic Fraternities: How College Men Can Save Universities and America. In the first part of our conversation, Anthony offers his take on the state of men in the modern day, the difference between heroic and disordered masculinity, the insights that a writer from the mid-20-century can shed on the forms that disorder can take, and why many men today are choosing the path of resignation. We then turn to Anthony's idea that college fraternities can be the training ground for virtue. We talk about the loftier origins of fraternities, why, at some universities, they devolved into organizations that have become symbolic of the worst traits of masculinity, and Anthony's six principles for reviving the potential of fraternities to shape great men.

• Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Towards Self-Realization by Karen Horney
• AoM Podcast #758: The Epic Story of the Making of The Godfather
• Anthony's framework and list of resources for the course he teaches on the masculine journey

• Anthony's website

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You probably think of the health effects of sunlight as a mixed bag. On the one hand, sun exposure helps your body make vitamin D. But on the other, it can cause skin cancer.

To get around this conundrum, dermatologists frequently recommend avoiding sun exposure when you can, slathering on sunscreen when you can't, and taking a vitamin D supplement to make up for the lack of sunlight in your life.

Yet in seeking to solve one problem, this advice may open up many others and be contributing to ill health in the West.

Today on the show, Rowan Jacobsen, a science journalist who has spent years investigating the health impacts of sunlight, will unpack the underappreciated benefits of sun exposure, and that, crucially, they're not primarily a function of the production of vitamin D and can't be replaced with a pill. We talk about what else is at work in ultraviolet radiation's positive effects on blood pressure, autoimmune diseases, insulin resistance, mood, and more. We also get into how to weigh these benefits against the risk of skin cancer, why health officials in Australia, which has the highest rate of skin cancer in the world, have changed their recommendations around sun exposure, and if there's a role sunscreen should still play in your routine.

• Rowan's article in Outside magazine: Is Sunscreen the New Margarine? 
• Rowan's article in the Atlantic: Against Sunscreen Absolutism
• AoM Article: Why You Should Become a Sun Worshipper
• Dermatologist Richard Weller's TED talk: Could the Sun Be Good for Your Heart?
• Australian recommendations on sun exposure 

• Rowan's website

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When men think about optimizing their hormones, they tend only to think about raising their testosterone. But while increasing T can be important, an ideal health profile also means having testosterone that's in balance with your other hormones as well.

Today on the show, Dr. Kyle Gillett joins me to discuss both of those prongs of all-around hormone optimization. We start with a quick overview of the different hormones that affect male health. We then get into what qualifies as low testosterone and how to accurately test yours. We also discuss what causes low testosterone in individual men, and how its decline in the general male population may be linked to both birth control and the world wars. In the second half of our conversation, we discuss how to both raise testosterone and get rid of excess estrogen, including the use of some effective supplements you may never have heard of. We then get into the risks and benefits of taking TRT, before ending our discussion with what young men can do to prepare for a lifetime of optimal T and hormonal health.

• AoM series on testosterone, including How I Doubled My Testosterone Levels Naturally
• AoM Podcast #761: How Testosterone Makes Men, Men
• AoM Podcast #878: The Fitness Supplements That Actually Work 

• Kyle on IG
• Gillett Health Podcast on Spotify and Apple
• Gillett Health on YouTube
• Gillett Health website

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A lot of self-improvement advice and content feels empty. And there's a reason for that. It often offers routines and habits to practice, but doesn't offer a strong, overarching reason to practice them.

That's why the self-improvement advice of the Founding Fathers is particularly compelling. Though they were imperfect men, they had a clear why for trying to become better than they were. For the Founders, life was about the pursuit of happiness, and they equated happiness with excellence and virtue — a state that wasn't about feeling good, but being good. The Founders pursued happiness not only for the personal benefit in satisfaction and tranquility it conferred, but for the way the attainment of virtue would benefit society as a whole; they believed that political self-government required personal self-government.

Today on the show, Jeffrey Rosen, a professor of law, the president of the National Constitution Center, and the author of The Pursuit of Happiness, shares the book the Founders read that particularly influenced their idea of happiness as virtue and self-mastery. We talk about the schedules and routines the Founders kept, the self-examination practices they did to improve their character, and how they worked on their flaws, believing that, while moral perfection was ultimately an impossible goal to obtain, it was still something worth striving for.

• AoM's series on Benjamin Franklin's 13 Virtues
• Ben Franklin Virtues Journal available in the AoM Store
• AoM Article: Young Benjamin Franklin’s Plan of Conduct
• AoM Article: Thomas Jefferson’s 10 Rules for Life
• AoM Article: The Libraries of Famous Men — Thomas Jefferson’s Recommended Reading
• AoM Article: The Best John Adams Quotes
• AoM Article: George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation
• AoM Podcast #366: Teach Yourself Like George Washington
• AoM Article: The Spiritual Disciplines — Study and Self-Examination
• Tusculan Disputations by Marcus Tullius Cicero
• The Golden Verses of Pythagoras 

• The National Constitution Center website 
• We the People podcast
• Jeffrey's faculty page
• Jeffrey on X

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Friendships are a central part of the lives of both men and women. But from personal observation, you've probably noticed that the dynamics of male and female friendships aren't always the same. You may not, however, have been able to articulate what those differences are or have known what's behind them.

While there's still a lot of facets of friendship that haven't yet been researched, Dr. Jaimie Krems, who runs UCLA's Social Minds Lab, has a lot of interesting insights about what we do know about how and why men and women approach friendship differently. Today on the show, she explains why men and women form friendships and the differences in the size and nature of their social circles, how long their friendships last, and what they look for in friends. We also discuss why men have a greater tolerance for their friends' flaws than women do, why men and women would want to be friends with each other, and how each sex experiences friendship jealousy.

• The Banker's Paradox
• Joyce Benenson's research on "Males' Greater Tolerance of Same-Sex Peers"
• Jaimie's research on women's interpretation of disgust faces
• Jaimie's study: "Friendship Jealousy: One Tool for Maintaining Friendships in the Face of Third-Party Threats?"
• AoM Podcast #229: How Men and Women Socialize Differently
• AoMPodcast #360: Understanding Male Friendships
• AoM Podcast #726: What’s Causing the Male Friendship Recession?
• AoM Podcast #772: How Long Does It Take to Make Friends (And How Does That Process Work, Anyway)?
• AoM Article: How Not to Be Disappointed With Your Friends

• The Social Minds Lab at UCLA
• Jaimie's faculty page
• Jaimie on X

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Businesses and individuals often feel overwhelmed and stretched — that they can't get done all the work they need to. The solution they frequently turn to is finding a new app to use or hiring more employees to spread the load.

But my guest would say that you can steal back hours of productive time simply by using the tools and teams you have now, if you learn to use them in a more efficient way.

Nick Sonnenberg is the founder and CEO of Leverage, an efficiency consulting business and the author of Come Up for Air: How Teams Can Leverage Systems and Tools to Stop Drowning in Work. Today on the show, Nick explains how people spend almost 60% of their time doing work about work, and why hiring more people can actually make the problem worse rather than better. He then shares his "CPR Business Efficiency Framework," and how making changes in how you communicate, plan, and manage resources can open up hours of time. We talk about how to organize your communication channels so your work day isn't taken up by what Nick calls "The Scavenger Hunt," one of the most underutilized tools for taming your inbox, how to stop wasting time on meetings, and tiny changes that will add up to many hours saved each year. Along the way, we talk about how some of these tactics can save you time in your personal life as well.

• AoM Podcast #689: Email Is Making Us Miserable — Here’s What to Do About It
• AoM Podcast #972: Down With Pseudo-Productivity — Why We Need to Transform the Way We Work
• AoM Podcast #973: A Butler’s Guide to Managing Your Household
• Teach Your Wife to Be a Widow by Donald I. Rogers
• "Saving Seconds Is Better Than Hours" — Time article by Nick
• Texts.com
• Workona tab manager

• Come Up for Air website
• Leverage website
• Nick on LinkedIn
• Nick on IG
• Nick on X

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Fifteen years and more than 200 million downloads later, this episode marks the 1,000th installment of the Art of Manliness podcast! It begins with a bit of a retrospective on the podcast and then segues into an interview with one of the show's earliest guests: Walker Lamond, author of Rules for My Unborn Son. Walker and I revisit the origins of the book and the early days of the internet and have a fun discussion of which of his rules have become obsolete and which remain evergreen. Tune in and enjoy!

A big thanks to our listeners for helping us reach this cool milestone. The support is deeply appreciated!

• Rules for My Unborn Son by Walker Lamond
• Rules for My Newborn Daughter by Walker Lamond
• Walker's Motel: The Starlight Motor Inn
• The podcasts Walker writes/produces for:
  • Anatomy of Murder
  • Cold Blooded
• Related AoM articles:
  • Dressing for Others
  • Flying Is for the Birds
  • My New Favorite Summertime Shoe
  • Why Every Man Should Have 3 Signature Dishes
  • In Praise of the Postcard
  • The Art of Thank You Note Writing
  • The Importance of Developing and Maintaining Your Social Fitness
• Related AoM Podcasts
  • #1: We Who Are Alive and Remain
  • #7: Rules for My Unborn Son 
  • #78: The Myth of Following Your Passion
  • #174: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Style
  • #708: Overcome the Comfort Crisis

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Plenty of famous explorers and frontiersmen emerged from America's periods of expansion and exploration, and today the likes of Daniel Boone, Kit Carson, and Davy Crockett remain household names.

You're probably not familiar, but should be, with the name of another prominent pioneer: Jedediah Smith. Smith was a hunter, trapper, writer, cartographer, mountain man, and explorer who notched a lot of firsts: He was the first to lead a documented exploration from the Salt Lake frontier to the Colorado River and was part of the first parties of U.S. citizens to cross the Mojave Desert, the Sierra Nevada, and the Great Basin Desert. Having survived three attacks by Native Americans and one mauling by a grizzly bear, Smith's explorations became resources for those who followed after and led to the use of the South Pass as the dominant route across the Continental Divide for pioneers on the Oregon Trail.

In the new book he co-authored, Throne of Grace: A Mountain Man, an Epic Adventure, and the Bloody Conquest of the American West, my guest, Bob Drury, uses the oft-forgotten Smith as a guide to an oft-forgotten period in American history. Today on the show, Bob paints a picture of a volatile American landscape in which trappers and Native Americans collided and clashed in the early decades of the 19th century. We discuss how the Lewis and Clark expedition created a lust for adventure among young men, how the humble beaver played an outsized role in settling the Western frontier, and how warfare changed amongst Native American tribes with the introduction of the horse. Along the way, Bob shows us how the life of Jed Smith intersected with all these historic trends and shares the epic exploits that he and other mountain men took part in while exploring and mapping the American West.

• Bob's last appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #469 — How Valley Forge Turned the Tide of the Revolutionary War
• AoM article about mountain men
• AoM Podcast #681: The Epic Exploits of Kit Carson
• Hugh Glass

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As compared to mothers, fathers are sometimes thought of as a secondary, almost superfluous, parent.

But my guest says that fathers actually saved the human race, and continue to do so today.

Anna Machin is an evolutionary anthropologist, a pioneer of fatherhood science, and the author of Life Of Dad. Today on the show, we talk about the role of fathers in human history and how their main role continues to be teaching kids the skills they need to take risks, become independent, and navigate the world beyond their family. We also talk about the physiological changes that happen when a man becomes a father and how dads are just as biologically primed as mothers to parent. In the second half of our conversation, we talk about the experience of being a dad. Anna shares how long it typically takes a man to bond with a baby and transition into the role of fatherhood, how roughhousing is key in building that bond as well as developing your child's resilience, and how your personality and background will affect your parenting. We end our conversation with the difference in how the relationship between Mom and Dad affects how they parent, and the implications of that for building a strong family.

• AoM Article: The Importance of Fathers (According to Science)
• AoM Article: A Man’s Guide to Pregnancy — Getting Ready for the Baby Bomb
• AoM Article: A Man’s Guide to Pregnancy — Your Progeny Enters the World
• AoM Article:New Dad Survival Guide — The Mindset
• AoM Article: New Dad Survival Guide — The Skillset
• AoM Podcast #119: Why Fathers Matter 
• AoM Article: You Don’t Have to Be Your Dad — How to Become Your Family’s Transitional Character

• Anna's website
• Anna on X
• Anna on IG

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Everyone has heard about the incredible benefits that come to mind, body, and spirit from having strong relationships. The quality of our social ties has a huge impact on our physical and mental health and our overall feeling of flourishing.

Yet many people still struggle to create these strong relationships in their lives, and often figure that things like weakening communities and digital technology are to blame.

But my guest says that the barriers to establishing bonds with others may actually be more psychological than physical, and he shares research-backed tips for breaking through them in his new book, The Laws of Connection: The Scientific Secrets of Building a Strong Social Network. Today on the show, David discusses how we can feel lonely even when we're surrounded by people if we don't have what he calls a "shared reality." We then discuss ways to build that shared reality with others. We talk about why frenemies are so bad for you, how to overcome the "liking gap," why you might want to interrupt someone to connect with them, the need to be aware of the novelty penalty in conversations, why you should stop telling white lies, and much more.

• David's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #803 — How Your Expectations Can Change Your Life
• AoM Article: Why Ambivalent Relationships Are Terrible for You (And How to Deal With Them)
• AoM Podcast #949: Envy — Unpacking The Emotion No One Likes to Talk About

• David's website
• David on IG
• David on X
• David on LinkedIn

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On D-Day, June 6, 1944, 160,000 troops participated in the invasion of Normandy. Today just a few thousand of these veterans are still alive, with the youngest in their late nineties. As their voices, and those of the million combatants and leaders who swept into motion across Europe 80 years ago, fall silent and pass from living history, Garrett Graff has captured and compiled them in a new book: When the Sea Came Alive: An Oral History of D-Day.

Drawing on his project of sifting through and synthesizing 5,000 oral histories, today Garrett takes us back to what was arguably the most consequential day in modern history and helps unpack the truly epic sweep of the operation, which was hard to fathom even then, and has become even more difficult to grasp with the passage of time. We talk about how unbelievably involved the planning process for D-Day was, stories you may never have heard before, a couple of the myths around D-Day, and the sacrificial heroism born of this event that continues to live on.

• AoM Podcast Episode #1: We Who Are Alive and Remain
• AoM Article: The 70th Anniversary of D-Day — Remembrances from the Brave Men Who Were There
• AoM Podcast #514: Remembering D-Day 75 Years Later
• The Bedford Boys: One American Town's Ultimate D-day Sacrifice by Alex Kershaw
• AoM Article: How Eisenhwoer Made the D-Day Decision
• The Only Plane in the Sky: An Oral History of 9/11 by Garrett M. Graff

• Garrett's website

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Over a decade ago, I remember reading a story that stuck with me. I think it was connected to the famous Harvard Study on Adult Development that studied a group of men across their lifetimes, but I can no longer find the reference. A much-beloved doctor, upon his retirement, was given a notebook filled with letters of praise and appreciation from his patients. After he received it, he put it up in his attic, and never opened it or read the letters.

I've often thought of this story since I first heard it, wondering about what motivated the doctor's behavior, and the larger question of why praise is typically welcomed and makes us feel good, but can also make people feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

In today's episode, I take a stab at answering this question with Christopher Littlefield, a speaker and consultant who specializes in employee appreciation. But first, we talk about the power of recognition, why we can be so stingy in giving compliments, how compliments can go wrong, and how we can offer them more effectively. We then turn to why getting compliments can make you cringe, how people deflect them and how this deflection affects relationships, and how to get better at receiving compliments graciously.

• AoM Article:Why and How to Offer More Compliments
• AoM Article: How to Accept a Compliment With Class
• AoM Article: How to Avoid Giving a Backhanded Compliment
• Sunday Firesides: Compliment Deflection Is Gift Denial
• Sunday Firesides: Give Them the Cream
• HBR Article: Do Compliments Make You Cringe? Here’s Why by Christopher Littlefield

• Beyond Thank You website
• Chris on YouTube
• Chris on LinkedIn

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This year marks the 50th anniversary of the publication of the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. It's a peculiar book, especially for a bestseller. Not a lot of it is actually about zen or motorcycle maintenance, it combines a travelogue, a father/son story, and philosophical musings, and the structure of its narration makes it hard to follow. Thus, it's the kind of book people often buy, start, and then put down without finishing.

That's initially what happened to Mark Richardson, an author and automotive journalist who was born in the UK but has lived most of his life in Canada. But when the book finally clicked for Mark, he was so inspired by it that he actually undertook Pirsig's motorcycle pilgrimage himself. Mark shares that story in Zen and Now, which intersperses stories from his own road trip with an exploration of Pirsig's life and famous book.

If you've wanted to read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, but haven't been able to get into it, today Mark will offer an introduction to what it's all about. We discuss Pirsig's ideas on the metaphysics of quality and our relationship to technology, and how he tried to combine the ethos of Eastern and Western thought into a unified philosophy of living. We also get into why Mark wanted to recreate Pirsig's road trip, the joys of traveling by motorcycle, and what Mark learned along the way.

• Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values by Robert M. Pirsig
• Zen and Now: On the Trail of Robert Pirsig and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Mark Richardson
• Lila: An Inquiry Into Morals by Robert M. Pirsig
• Guidebook to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Ron Di Santo and Tom Steele
• Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry into the Value of Work by Matthew Crawford
• Honda CB77/Super Hawk
• The Robert Pirsig Association 

• Mark's website

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Note: This is a rebroadcast.

Matthew Dicks wears a lot of hats. Among other things, he’s a storyteller, communications consultant, writer, and schoolteacher. In order to excel in his professional life, as well as do what he loves in his personal life, he’s developed a set of strategies that help him be more creative and productive, and can be used by anyone who wants to start making the most of life.

Matt writes about these tactics and mindset shifts in his latest book Someday Is Today: 22 Simple, Actionable Ways to Propel Your Creative Life, and he shares some of them with us today on the show, including why you need to think in minutes, be an eagle rather than a mouse, practice deliberate incuriosity, and always do your best to act like a decent human being. Along the way, Matt and I talk about why you should floss in the shower and how restaurants that make guacamole at your table are a great example of the folly of making a thing, a thing.

• Matt’s previous appearance on the AoM Podcast: Episode #462 — How to Tell Better Stories
• AoM Article: The 7 Habits — Begin With the End in Mind
• Matthew telling the story of how he was robbed 
• AoM Article: Possibilities in Spare Moments

• Matthew’s Website

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There are a lot of unspoken challenges and hidden battles that men face in modern society. They often manifest themselves in a uniquely male malaise where a man feels apathetic, frustrated, cynical, and lost.

Jon Tyson has thought a lot about the problems men face and has been on the ground trying to help them as a pastor in New York City. In today's episode, I talk to Jon about the sources of this male angst that he explores as the co-author of a new book, Fighting Shadows: Overcoming 7 Lies That Keep Men From Becoming Fully Alive.

Jon and I discuss how men often try to solve their malaise and why those approaches don't work. We then explore some of the shadows men fight in their lives, including the shadows of despair, loneliness, unhealthy ambition, futility, and lust. Jon offers some advice to overcome these shadows, including sitting around a fire pit with your bros, taking time to develop your telos or aim as a man, and injecting a bit more playfulness in your life to counteract grumpy dad syndrome.

• Jon's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
  • #810: How to Turn a Boy Into a Man
  • #926: The 5 Shifts of Manhood
• AoM longform article/short "ebook": A Roadmap to Manhood in the 21st Century
• AoM Article: Create a Blueprint for Your Future
• Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
• AoM Podcast #702: One Man’s Impossible Quest — To Make Friends in Adulthood
• AoM Podcast #867: Dante’s Guide to Navigating a Spiritual Journey
• The Case Against the Sexual Revolution by Louise Perry
• Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II

• Jon's website
• Fighting Shadows website
• Forming Men website
• Primal Path website

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General George S. Patton is known for his aggressive, action-oriented tactical brilliance.

His character was also marked by a lesser-known but equally fundamental mystic piety.

Those two qualities would come together in the lead up to and execution of Patton's greatest achievement during WWII: the relief of Bastogne during the Battle of the Bulge.

Alex Kershaw tells this story in his new book Patton's Prayer: A True Story of Courage, Faith, and Victory in World War II. Today on the show, Alex shares how, when the Third Army's advance into Germany was stalled by plane-grounding clouds and road-muddying rain, Patton commissioned a prayer for better weather that was distributed to a quarter million of his men, and how that prayer became even more urgent after the commencement of the Battle of the Bulge. We also talk about Patton's qualities as a leader and a man, including his reading habits, how he combined a profane assertiveness with a pious faith and a belief in reincarnation, and what happened to him as the war came to a close.

• Alex’s previous appearances on the AoM Podcast:
  • #361: The Untold Story of WWII’s 45th Infantry Division
  • #514: Remembering D-Day 75 Years Later
  • #806: The Humble Heroics of Four of WWII’s Most Decorated Soldiers
  • #953: Duty, Honor, and the Unlikely Heroes Who Helped Win the Battle of the Bulge
• AoM Article: George S. Patton’s Rules on Being an Officer and a Gentleman
• AoM Article: The Libraries of Famous Men — George S. Patton
• AoM Article: The Maxims of General George S. Patton
• AoM Article: General Patton’s Strategy for Winning in War and Life — Keep Punching
• Chaplain James Hugh O'Neill
• Patton movie
• Patton's opening speech
• The story and a look at Patton's prayer cards

• Alex's website
• Alex on X

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