The Art of Manliness

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

Charisma can make everything smoother, easier, and more exciting in life. It’s a quality that makes people want to listen to you, to adopt your ideas, to be with you.

While what creates charisma can seem like a mystery, my guest today, communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards, says it comes down to possessing an optimal balance of two qualities: warmth and competence.

The problem is, even if you have warmth and competence, you may not be good at signaling these qualities to others. In Vanessa’s work, she’s created a research-backed encyclopedia of these influential signals, and she shares how to offer them in her book
Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. Today on the show, Vanessa and I discuss some of the verbal and nonverbal social cues that make you attractive to others, and keep you out of what she calls the “danger zone.” She explains what the distance between your earlobes and shoulders has to do with looking competent, how using uptalk and vocal fry sabotages your ability to convey power, how to put more warmth in your voice, how to trigger the right response with a dating profile picture, and more.

• AoM series on the elements of charisma 
• AoM Article: Gut Check — Are You a Contemptible Person?
• AoM Podcast #72: The Charisma Myth
• AoM Article: How to Use Body Language to Create a Dynamite First Impression
• AoM Podcast #694: The Fascinating Secrets of Your Voice
• JFK vs. Nixon presidential debate
• AoM article on the generational cycle

• The Science of People Website 
• Vanessa on Twitter
• Vanessa on IG

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A focus on gratitude is typical this time of year. But more often than not, the cognitive or behavioral nods we give gratitude around Thanksgiving can feel a little limp, rote, and unedifying. If you feel like this American holiday has been lacking in meaning, maybe what you need is to infuse it with a Japanese practice.

The Naikan method of self-reflection grew out of Buddhist spirituality and has been recognized by psychologists as a way to develop greater self-awareness, gratitude, empathy, and direction. Naikan involves asking yourself three questions: What have I received from others? What have I given others? What troubles and difficulties have I caused others?

Gregg Krech, who is the executive director of the ToDo Institute, which promotes principles of psychology based on Eastern traditions, has created a Thanksgiving-specific version of Naikan that helps practitioners dig further into its first question. Today on the show, we talk about the way Naikan differs from mainstream gratitude practices and is based less on feeling and more on seeing the world objectively. Gregg shares six prompts that can help you recognize the reality of how you're being supported in the world, cultivate the art of noticing, and embrace life's grace.

• The ToDo Institute's free Thanksgiving Guide to Self-Reflection booklet — scroll down, enter your email into the form, and a PDF of the booklet will be sent to you.
• Gregg's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
  • #425: Action Over Feelings
  •  #671: Begin the New Year by Reflecting on These 3 Life-Changing Questions
• Naikan: Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection by Gregg Krech
• AoM Podcast #906: Stop Being a Complainer
• AoM Article: The Spiritual Disciplines — Gratitude 
• Sunday Firesides: Graduate From the Kindergarten Class of Gratitude
• AoM Podcast #459: Beyond Gratitude Lite — The Real Virtue of Thankfulness
• How to Fight Entitlement and Develop Gratitude in Your Kids
• AoM Article: The George Bailey Technique — Mentally Erase Your Blessings for Greater Joy and Optimism

• Thirty Thousand Days Website

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For the last 15 years, William Vanderbloemen has run an executive search firm that helps non-profit organizations find leaders. Over the course of conducting tens of thousands of interviews with top-tier candidates, he's tracked and recorded what qualities the best leaders — the people he calls "unicorns" — possess that set them apart from everyone else in the field.

William shares what he's learned in his new book Be the Unicorn: 12 Data-Driven Habits That Separate the Best Leaders from the Rest. Today we talk about what some of those twelve distinguishing habits are, and how people can use them to move ahead at work, as well as improve their relationships outside of it. We discuss the nearly 100% difference it can make in your business to respond to people right away, the least common trait among unicorns that the general population mistakenly believes they have in spades, how mastering the art of anticipation will make you stand out, a way to use eye contact to build strong connection, and much more.

• AoM Article: The Myth of Scarcity — 12 Stupidly Easy Things That’ll Set You Apart from the Pack
• AoM Podcast #865: How to Win Friends and Influence People in the 21st Century
• AoM Article: How to Make Eye Contact the Right Way in Life, Business, and Love
• AoM Podcast #644: How to Develop Greater Self-Awareness
• AoM Article: The Best Kind of Leader to Be
• NYT article: "What Do You Do With the Brilliant Jerk?"
• Sunday Firesides: Never Criticize Without Offering an Alternative

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When we think of Western philosophers who pondered questions about the good life, we typically think of the classical era of Greece and the likes of Plato, Socrates, and Aristotle. But my guest would say that the poets and philosophers who came out of the preceding period, Greece's Iron Age, also have something to say about the nature of existence.

Adam Nicolson is the author of How to Be: Life Lessons from the Early Greeks. Today on the show, Adam takes us on a tour of Iron Age Greece and how these seafaring people set the stage for our modern sense of self. Adam makes the case that the early Greeks had what he calls a "harbor mindset," which lent them a mentality centered on fluidity and transience. We discuss how Odysseus exemplifies this harbor mindset, and how a group of lesser-known pre-Socratic philosophers defined life through a lens of change and contradiction. Adam then explains how a mystical guru named Pythagoras paved the way for Greek thinkers like Plato and Aristotle and the rise of cooperative civility.

• Adam's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #857 — Why Homer Matters
• AoM Podcast #337: What Homer’s Odyssey Can Teach Us Today
• The philosophers of Miletus:
  • Anaximenes
  • Thales
  • Anaximander

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To figure out what will happen in the future, we typically make guesswork predictions and look to particular periods in the past that seem like potential parallels.

My guest says that to figure out what will happen next, and how best to navigate that coming landscape, the best things to consider are those that have been true in every time, and will be true until the end of it.

Morgan Housel is a venture capitalist and the author of Same as Ever: A Guide to What Never Changes. Today on the show we talk about ideas and principles that never change that can help you be successful in an ever-changing world, including how the biggest risks are those you can’t see, how the idea of compound interest applies beyond your finances, how your expectations can sabotage your happiness, why you need to learn to accept that things are supposed to be hard, and how success can lead to failure. Morgan also shares his rubric for choosing your reading, what genres of books he finds most useful for improving long-term thinking, and two books he especially recommends for broadening your perspective.

• Morgan’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #659 — Do You Want to Be Rich or Wealthy? (And Why the Difference Matters)
• AoM Article: 5 Tools for Thriving in Uncertainty
• AoM Article: The Best Books to Read in Uncertain Times
• AoM Podcast #821: Routines Are Overrated
• The Great Depression: A Diary by Benjamin Roth
• The Patriarch: The Remarkable Life and Turbulent Times of Joseph P. Kennedy by David Nasaw

• Morgan on X
• Morgan’s website
• Morgan on LinkedIn

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Nietzsche's maxim, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," isn't just a sound philosophical principle. It's also a certifiable physiological phenomenon; toxins and stressors that could be deadly in large doses, actually improve health and resilience in smaller, intermittent ones. The ironic thing, my guest points out, is that it's the fact that we're not getting enough of this sublethal stress these days that's really doing us in.

Paul Taylor is a former British Royal Navy Aircrew Officer, an exercise physiologist, nutritionist, and neuroscientist, and the author of Death by Comfort: How Modern Life is Killing Us and What We Can Do About It. Today on the show, Paul discusses the science of hormesis, how small doses of intermittent stress can make us more resistant to chronic stress, and why you need to embrace what Paul calls "discomfort harvesting." We talk about some now-familiar topics like fasting and cold and heat exposure with fresh inspiration as to how important they are to practice and how to do them effectively. We discuss how hot a sauna needs to be to get the benefits of heat exposure, Paul's suggestion for how to make an ice bath on the cheap, what may be the single best type of food to eat to improve your gut's microbiome, a form of fasting that's got anti-cancer benefits but is so accessible it won't even feel like fasting, what supplement to take to mitigate the effects of a bad night's sleep, and much more. We end our conversation with how to use what Paul calls a "ritual board" to stick with your healthy habits and resist the "soft underbelly" of modern life.

• AoMPodcast #708: Overcome the Comfort Crisis
• AoM article/video on the benefits of cold showers
• AoM Podcast #801: The Cold Water Swim Cure
• AoM Podcast #603: The Physical Keys to Human Resilience
• AoM Article: How Saunas Can Help Save Your Body, Mind, and Spirit
• AoM Article: How to Sauna — All the FAQs
• AoM Podcast #585: Inflammation, Saunas, and the New Science of Depression
• AoM Podcast #862: Heal the Body With Extended Fasting
• Podcast #328: The Pros and Cons of Intermittent Fasting
• AoM Podcast #581: The Tiny Habits That Change Everything
• AoM Podcast #425: Action Over Feelings
• The NOVA Food Classification System
• Stanford study on the effect of fiber and fermented food on the microbiome
• Research on creatine as a neurotransmitter and creatine's effect on brain health (including impact when sleep deprived)

• Paul's website
• Paul on IG
• Paul on LinkedIn
• Paul's podcast
• Paul's mental fitness course for coaches and health professionals

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People often think of failure in one of two ways: as something that hinders the pursuit of success, or as something that's a necessity in obtaining it — as in the Silicon Valley mantra that recommends failing fast and often.

There's truth to both ideas, but neither offers a complete picture of failure. That's because there isn't just one kind of failure, but three.

Here to unpack what those three types are is Amy Edmondson, a professor of leadership at the Harvard Business School and the author of The Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well. Today on the show, Amy shares which type of failure is most productive, which types are less fruitful, and how to best use the former, prevent the latter, and learn from failure of every kind. We also talk about how to organize potential failures into a matrix that will help you best approach them. Along the way, we dig into examples, both big and small, of how individuals, organizations, and families can put failure to work for them.

• AoM Podcast #646: How to Win at Losing
• AoM Article: Clausewitz on Overcoming the Annoying Slog of Life
• AoM Podcast #517: What Big-Time Catastrophes Can Teach Us About How to Improve the Systems of Our Lives
• AoM Article: The Power of Checklists
• AoM Article: How Reframing Builds Resilience

• Amy's website

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For millennia, stone lifting was an important part of cultures around the world, and its significance went far beyond feats of strength. Stone lifting was part of weddings and funerals, used as a job interview to assess someone's fitness as a farmhand, and included in rites of passage and tests of all-around manhood.

Much of the world's ancient stone lifting culture has been forgotten, and rocks that used to be hoisted regularly in town squares and cemeteries have been sitting untouched for hundreds of years. David Keohan, an Irish world champion kettlebell lifter-turned-amateur folklorist, has set out to change that. In the last couple of years, David has been on the hunt for Ireland's legendary lifting stones; he uses oral and written history to search them out and learn their stories and then hoists them himself, once again putting wind under stones that haven't been picked up for centuries.

Today on the show, David shares the significance of stone lifting around the world and specifically in Irish culture, the practicalities of lifting a 400-pound stone off the ground, and what stone lifting has taught him about being a man.

• "The Quest to Pick Up the Lost Lifting Stones of Ireland" — GQ article about David 
• Rogue documentaries on stone lifting in Scotland, Iceland, and Spain
• Duchas — Ireland's National Folklore Collection 
• AoM Article: Odd Object Training Primer
• Utah Stones of Strength
• Edmonton Stones of Strength

• David on IG

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If you've wanted to develop your character, you've probably thought about strengthening virtues like courage, humility, and resolution. But my guest would say that practicing social skills is another way of increasing your moral strength, and the moral strength of society as a whole.

David Brooks is the author of numerous books, including his latest, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen. Today on the show, David discusses why our culture lost an emphasis on moral formation, and why this loss has led to alienation and anomie. We then talk about the role each of us can play in repairing this fabric by developing concrete social skills, avenues to improve character that, unlike some virtues that are only called upon in a crisis, you can practice every day. David shares insights on how we can get better at giving people attention, asking good questions, and helping those who are going through a hard time. We also discuss how understanding different personality types and life stages can allow us to better understand other people.

• David's previous appearances on the AoM Podcast:
  • Episode #292: The Road to Character
  • Episode #518: The Quest for a Moral Life
• "How America Got Mean" — Atlantic article by David Brooks
• AoM series on becoming a better listener
• AoM excerpt: 10 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend
• AoM Article: The 3 Elements of Charisma — Presence
• AoM Article: The Stages of a Man’s Life 

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Protein, along with fat and carbohydrates, make up one of three basic macronutrients of the human diet. Yet for something so fundamental, a lot of confusion exists around protein. What's the best kind? How much do you need? When should you eat it?

Here to clear up some of that confusion is Don Layman, professor emeritus of nutrition and one of the world's foremost researchers on the subject of dietary protein. Today on the show, Don explains why animal-based proteins are superior to plant-based proteins, why he thinks collagen is worthless, how much protein you really need to consume and whether it depends on your activity level and age, what happens when kids don't get enough protein, the optimal times of day to eat protein, who needs to consume protein right after a workout and who doesn't, and whether you can get enough protein in your diet if you do intermittent fasting. We end our conversation with why Don thinks increasing protein consumption can be the most effective way to lose weight.

• AoM Article: Chugging Your Protein — It’s Whey Easier Than You Think
• AoM Article: How Much Protein Do You REALLY Need?
• AoM Article: How to Finally Nail Your Pre- and Post-Workout Nutrition
• Protein leverage hypothesis
• Forever Strong: A New, Science-Based Strategy for Aging Well

• Don on X
• Metabolic Transformation website
• Don's faculty page

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In order to thrive in a world that’s constantly in flux, you have to learn to overcome your fear of the unknown and adapt yourself to whatever circumstance you find yourself in. Zombies and Minecraft can teach how to do both.

Today on the show, I talk to Max Brooks, son of famed filmmaker Mel Brooks, who is the author of books that include World War Z and a series of Minecraft novels for kids. Max and I discuss how he’s used his fiction to explore learning to be resilient in the face of change and how his work writing about the zombie apocalypse led to a gig at the Modern War Institute at West Point. Along the way, Max offers insights on overcoming your fear of the unknown and how Minecraft can help your kids learn how to thrive in a world where becoming a creative problem solver is the name of the game.

• Select books by MaxBrooks:
  • The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead
  • World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War
  • Minecraft: The Island
  • Minecraft: The Mountain
  • Minecraft: The Village
• AoM Article: Survival Lessons from World War Z
• AoM Podcast #902: How to Survive Any Worst Case Scenario
• AoM Article: 5 Tools for Thriving in Uncertainty
• AoM Article: The Best Books to Read in Uncertain Times
• “In a Far Country” by Jack London

• Max‘s website

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Maybe you're in a midlife slump. Maybe you're unhappy in your job and marriage. Maybe you're inactive and overweight. Maybe you've tried to change your life before but can't seem to make the changes stick. What do you need to do to finally turn things around?

My guest would say that the answer might be getting a dog.

Jeff Goodrich is the author of Dude and Duder: How My Dog Saved My Life. Today on the show, Jeff shares what his life was like at age 49 before getting Duder the Dog, and how Duder sparked changes that helped him lose 70 pounds, repair his relationships, and find real happiness. Along the way, we talk about advice that can apply to anyone trying to get out of the midlife slump, even if you don't own a dog, although Jeff would say you really should get one.

• AoM Podcast #776: How to Shift Out of the Midlife Malaise
• AoM Article: Choosing Man’s Best Friend — A Guide to Canine Companions
• AoM Article: Why a Man Should Get His Dog From the Pound
• AoM Article: Solvitur Ambulando — It Is Solved By Walking

• The Dude and Duder website
• Dude and Duder on IG

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It often seems like we live in a very inconsiderate, indifferent, and ill-mannered time and that the cure for what ails our abrasive and disjointed relations is a lot more politeness. But my guest would say that what we really need is a revival of civility.

Today on the show, Alexandra Hudson — author of The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves — explains the difference between politeness and civility, and how being civil can actually require being impolite. We discuss how civility ensures the health of democracy, and good government relies on citizens' ability to govern themselves and check each other, which may require acting a little like . . . Larry David. We talk about what Homer's Odyssey can teach us about the art of hospitality, the relationship between civility and integrity, and more.

• AoM Article: How Manners Made the World
• Class: A Guide Through the American Status System by Paul Fussell
• AoM Podcast #746: The Confucian Gentleman
• AoM Article: The Manly Art of Hospitality
• "Chat and cut" scene on Curb Your Enthusiasm 
• The Odyssey translated by Emily Wilson

• Alexandra's website
• Alexandra's Substack: Civic Renaissance 

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A lot of guys would like to build bigger muscles. And they may have heard that in order to do so, they need to activate something called "hypertrophy." But what is hypertrophy and how do you achieve it in order to get swole?

My guest, bodybuilding and strength coach Paul Carter, will unpack what you need to know today on the show. We get into the difference between size and strength, the two big myths around hypertrophy, the right number of sets to do for developing a muscle group, why Paul thinks machines are better than free weights for building bigger muscles, and more.

• Maximum Muscle Bible by Christian Thibaudeau and Paul Carter
• Mike Mentzer's Heavy Duty training

• Paul on IG
• Paul on FB
• Paul's Programming at Train Heroic

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It’s one thing to be bored by having to wait in line or sit through a dry lecture. It’s another thing to be bored with life itself.

What can you do about this kind of existential boredom?

My guest will share a remedy with us today on the show. His name is Kevin Hood Gary, and he’s a professor of education, specializing in the philosophy of education. We begin our conversation with the difference between situational and existential boredom, and how the latter arises when we toggle solely between work and amusement. Kevin argues that we need to add an element of leisure, as the ancients understood it, into our lives, and we talk about what that looks like, and how it requires embracing solitude, study, epiphanies, and love.

• Kevin’s Website

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If you or someone you know has a problem with procrastination, you've probably chalked it up to a deficiency in time management skills or self-control. But my guest says there are deeper reasons underlying procrastination, and he'll unpack what they are today on the show.

Joseph Ferrari is a Catholic deacon, a professor of psychology, and a foremost researcher and expert on procrastination who has authored or co-authored 400 professional articles and 35 books and textbooks. Today on the show, Dr. Ferrari explains the psychological dynamics behind procrastination and what you can do to counter them. He also shares the difference between regular and chronic procrastination, which of your parents you probably got your propensity to procrastinate from, and how procrastination can manifest in indecision.

• Select books/textbooks Joseph has authored/co-authored on procrastination:
  • Still Procrastinating: The No Regrets Guide to Getting It Done
  • Procrastination and Task Avoidance: Theory, Research, and Treatment
  • Counseling the Procrastinator in Academic Settings
• AoM Article:Stop Procrastinating Today With Behavioral Science
• AoM Podcast #444: How to Use the Procrastination Equation to Start Getting Things Done
• AoM Article: Get Better Without Torturing Yourself — The Power of Temptation Bundling

• Joseph's faculty page

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Everyone has some bad habits, and they nearly always involve doing something too much. Eating too much, drinking too much, buying too much, looking at your phone too much. Why do we have such a propensity for overdoing it?

My guest says it's all thanks to a "scarcity loop" that we're hardwired to follow. Once you understand how this loop works, you can start taking action to resist the compulsive cravings that sabotage your life.

Michael Easter is the author of Scarcity Brain: Fix Your Craving Mindset and Rewire Your Habits to Thrive with Enough. Today on the show, Michael unpacks the three parts of the scarcity loop, and how they've been amplified in the modern day. We talk about the slot machine lab that corporations use to hack your brain, why your main problem may be that you're understimulated rather than overstimulated, why addiction may be better thought of as a symptom rather than a disease, how the quantification and gamification of life can negatively impact your experience of it, and how ultimately, the fix for resisting your bad habits is having something better to do than chase the cheap, unsatisfying hits of pleasure our culture so readily offers.

• Michael's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #708 — Overcome the Comfort Crisis
• AoM Article: Via Negativa — Adding to Your Life By Subtracting
• Research of Thomas Zentall
• Research of C. Thi Nguyen
• Sally Satel
• Maia Szalavitz
• AoM Article: The Groundhog Day Diet — Why I Eat the Same Thing Every Day
• AoM Podcast #636: Why You Overeat and What to Do About It
• Sunday Firesides: Tidying Up Our Gilded Cages

• Michael’s website
• Michael on Instagram
• Michael on Twitter

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How to be happier is a topic covered in countless books, blogs, and podcasts. Consume enough of this content and you repeatedly come across the same recommendations that have purportedly been proven to increase happiness: exercise, spend time in nature, meditate, socialize, and practice gratitude. 

But is there actual scientific evidence that these strategies work?

Today on the show, we'll find out what professor of social psychology Elizabeth Dunn discovered when she did a study of happiness studies, and what the surprising findings have to do with the "replication crisis" that's occurred in science. In the second half of our conversation, Elizabeth shares the takeaways of a few well-vetted happiness studies she's done herself, including how to spend your money and use technology to increase happiness. And we discuss how to apply these findings, and the findings of all happiness studies, in a wise way that takes into account your unique personality and peculiarities. 

After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/happinessstudies

Resources Related

• Study by Elizabeth Dunn and Dunigan Folk: "A systematic review of the strength of evidence for the most commonly recommended happiness strategies in mainstream media"
• Happy Money by Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton
• AoM Article: How to Choose What Advice to Take

Connect With Elizabeth Dunn

• Elizabeth's website
• Elizabeth on X

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According to some estimates, only 5% of people in the West get the recommended amount of daily physical activity. Is the solution getting a fitness tracker, developing more discipline, or buying a piece of cardio equipment for your basement?

My guest would say none of the above, and would have you think about kids playing at recess instead.

Darryl Edwards is the founder of the Primal Play Method. Today on the show, we discuss the epidemic of sedentariness which besets both adults and children and why technology and willpower isn’t the cure for it. Darryl then explains why a better solution to getting more movement and physical activity in our lives is rediscovering the intrinsically motivating pleasure of play. He offers suggestions on how to do that, including compiling a play history for your life, embracing “primal movements” that will get you moving like an animal and a child, and getting over the fear of looking goofy while doing so. We discuss the joys and health benefits of exploring your capabilities and environment and how to incorporate more movement into your busy adult life by making even regular activities more playful.

• Darryl’s books:
  • Animal Moves: How to Move Like an Animal to Get You Leaner, Fitter, Stronger and Healthier for Life
  • My First Animal Moves: A Children’s Book to Encourage Kids and Their Parents to Move More, Sit Less and Decrease Screen Time
• AoM Article: Get Fit Like a Wild Man — A Primer on MovNat
• AoM Article: The 10 Physical Skills Every Man Should Master
• AoM Article: The Importance of Having a Physical Identity
• AoM Article: 30 Days to a Better Man Day 24 — Play!
• AoM Podcast #508: Break Out of Your Cage and Stop Being a Human Zoo Animal
• AoM Podcast #245: The Workout the World Forgot
• AoM Podcast #749: Let the Children Play!

• Primal Play website
• Darryl on FB
• Darryl on IG

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Ever wondered why, after hours of reading and highlighting, you still feel unprepared for that big test? Or why, shortly after a work training, you can’t remember much of what was said and how to apply it? Or why you have trouble comprehending a difficult book?

Whether you’re a student studying for exams, an employee trying to learn the ropes at a new job, or someone who’s into personal study, learning effectively is hugely important in increasing your capacity and knowledge. Unfortunately, most of what people do to learn simply doesn’t work.

Here to unlock the superior, research-backed strategies that will help you harness the potential of your brain is Daniel Willingham, a professor of psychology and the author of Outsmart Your Brain. Today on the show, Daniel explains why the default way that our brains want to learn doesn’t work, and how to approach learning by both reading and listening more effectively. We discuss how to get more out of your reading, including whether you should highlight, whether speed reading is effective, the optimal method for taking notes during a lecture, the best way to cement things into memory, and much more.

• AoM Article: How and Why to Become a Lifelong Learner
• AoM Article: How to Read a Book
• AoM Article: How to Read Long and Difficult Books
• AoM Podcast #677: The Value of Learning New Skills in Adulthood
• AoM Article: Ace Your Exams — Study Tactics of the Successful Gentleman Scholar
• AoM Article: Write This Down: Note-Taking Strategies for Academic Success

• Daniel’s website
• Daniel on X
• Daniel on TikTok

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In the Apostle Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he wrote, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

What does putting away the ways of childhood and stepping into manhood look like?

My guest says it requires making five key shifts in mindset and perspective. His name is Jon Tyson, and he’s a pastor and the creator of the Primal Path, a rite of passage geared toward helping boys become men. Today on the show, Jon and I unpack the five shifts of manhood and how parents and mentors can help young men make them and move from immaturity to maturity.

• Jon’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #810 — How to Turn a Boy Into a Man
• The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character by Jon Tyson
• AoM Article: What Is Manliness?
• Adam’s Return: The Five Promises of Male Spirituality by Richard Rohr
• AoM Podcast #708: Overcome the Comfort Crisis
• Radical Candor by Kim Scott
• “The Courage to Face Ingratitude” by William George Jordan 
• “This Is Water” by David Foster Wallace
• The 33 Marks of Maturity

• Primal Path
• Forming Men
• Jon on IG

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While there may be some heated rivalries in today's NBA, the ferocity of competition doesn't compare to the hard-hitting contests that took place during the 1987-1988 season, when four rising and falling dynasties — the Celtics, Lakers, Pistons, and Bulls — battled it out for supremacy.

Here to illuminate that epic era in basketball and share what can be learned from it is Rich Cohen, author of When the Game Was War: The NBA's Greatest Season. Today on the show, Rich makes a case for why there's never be a season before or since like the one that played out in '87 and '88, and he profiles the players — Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Isiah Thomas, and Michael Jordan — who dominated that season and changed the game. Along the way, we talk about the life lessons that can be taken from these players and their teams, including the rules legendary coach Phil Jackson gave the Bulls, which were inspired by the jazz musician Thelonious Monk.

• Rich's last appearance on the AoM podcast:Episode #817 — Life Lessons From the World’s Greatest Negotiator
• The Last Dance on Netflix
• Winning Time on HBO
• AoM Article: Competition — The Fuel for Greatness
• Sunday Firesides: Your Worst Competitor Is You
• AoM Podcast #790: Kierkegaard on the Present (Passionless) Age
• "The Moods of Ernest Hemingway" by Lillian Ross

• Rich's website
• Rich on Twitter

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Change is a constant. Changes big and small are always happening in our lives, while the world also changes around us. We can either resist these changes as unmooring threats to our sense of self, or embrace them as chances to get better and stronger.

The key to taking that second approach, my guest says, is developing rugged flexibility. His name is Brad Stulberg, and he's the author of Master of Change: How to Excel When Everything Is Changing – Including You. Today on the show, Brad unpacks why allostasis is a better model for dealing with disruption than homeostasis, and how healthy change moves in a cycle of order, disorder, and reorder. We then discuss ways to move through this cycle with rugged flexibility — an approach to life that keeps some things solid and stable, while letting others change and flow. We talk about the importance of adopting a being versus having orientation, managing your expectations, diversifying your identity, and more.

• Brad's previous appearance on the AoM podcast: #491: Everything You Know About Passion is Wrong
• "The Case for a Tragic Optimism" by Viktor Frankl
• New Dad Survival Guide: The Mindset
• AoM Podcast #527: Male Spirituality and the Journey to the Second Half of Life With Richard Rohr
• AoM Article: How Labeling Your Emotions Can Help You Take Control
• AoM Podcast #690: The Life Philosophy of Bruce Lee
• Sunday Firesides: Build Your Life Upon Multiple Pillars of Support
• Sunday Firesides: Feelings Follow Action

• Brad's website
• Brad on IG

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Note: This is a rebroadcast. 

Do you ever get to feeling kind of down, dejected, and anxious come Sunday evening? People refer to this phenomenon as the “Sunday Night Blues,” and it’s a common experience. You may have chalked it up to rueing the fact that your fun and restful weekend is over, and that you have yet another workweek ahead.

But my guest would say that your Sunday night sadness may also be rooted in the feeling of regret — the regret that you didn’t put your weekend to good use, that it wasn’t restful and fun, and that it was instead busy, draining, and, once again, a big letdown. Her name is Katrina Onstad, and she’s the author of The Weekend Effect. Today Katrina shares how the idea of the weekend, of having two back-to-back days off from work, came about, and how it’s been challenged and subsequently eroded in the modern day. We then talk about how to take back your weekends, so that your invaluable Saturdays and Sundays feel more the way they did when you were a kid — filled with a sense of possibility.

• Saint Monday
• Haymarket square affair
• AoM Podcast #602: The Case for Being Unproductive
• AoM Podcast #450: How to Make Time for What Really Matters
• AoM Podcast #748: Time Management for Mortals
• AoM Podcast #743: How to Get Time, Priorities, and Energy Working in Your Favor
• AoM Article: How to Better Manage Your Life Admin
• AoM Article: The Rise of Spectatoritis
• AoM Article: The Lost Art of Cheap Recreation

• Katrina’s Website

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When an organization wants to get more productive and better reach its goals, it typically looks to retool its leadership, trying to find lone figures who can apply more effective top-down control. But my guest says there’s a much more effective strategy for getting things done: creating and empowering teams of self-starters.

Kyle Buckett is a retired Navy SEAL, an executive consultant, and the co-author of
Leadership Is Overrated: How the Navy SEALs (and Successful Businesses) Create Self-Leading Teams That Win. Today on the show, Kyle first unpacks the problems with the conventional model of leadership. He then explains what the self-led team-oriented model looks like and some of the ways to create effective self-led teams, including “killing the leader” and establishing a ritual-laden culture. We also talk about the role a leader can still play in an organization. Along the way, Kyle shares stories both from history and his experience as a SEAL that illustrate why self-led teams are so effective at getting things done.

• Belgian Antarctic Expedition
• AoM Article: What the Race to the South Pole Can Teach You About How to Achieve Your Goals
• AoM Podcast #695: Sisu, the Finnish Art of Strength
• AoM Article: Got Sisu? Essential Guerrilla Tactics from the Finnish Winter War

• Culture Force/Leadership Is Overrated Website

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Ernest Hemingway's classic novel, For Whom the Bell Tolls, is often designated as one of the greatest books about war ever written and has appeared on the Marine Corps recommended reading list. Today on the show, I unpack For Whom the Bell Tolls with Hemingway scholar Mark Cirino. We discuss the background of the novel, its themes, and the literary techniques Hemingway employed in writing it. We end our conversation with our picks for the "one true sentence" in the book.

• Mark's last appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #786 — The Writing Life of Ernest Hemingway
• AoM Podcast #219: The Real Life Story of Hemingway and The Sun Also Rises
• Ernest Hemingway: Thought in Action by Mark Cirino
• One True Sentence: Writers & Readers on Hemingway’s Art edited by Michael Von Cannon and Mark Cirino
• AoM Podcast #871: Jane Austen for Dudes
• Mark Salter's appearance on the One True Podcast
• “Big Two-Hearted River” by Ernest Hemingway

• One True Podcast
• One True Podcast on Twitter

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In Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, there are certain principles like timing, leverage, and positioning that practitioners must master to successfully overcome an opponent. My guest has found that these same principles that allow someone to be successful on the mat, also apply to being successful outside of it.

Rener Gracie is the co-owner and head instructor of Gracie University and the author of The 32 Principles: Harnessing the Power of Jiu-Jitsu to Succeed in Business, Relationships, and Life. Today on the show, Rener shares how he’s used some of the core teachings of jiu-jitsu, like the Pyramid Principle and the River Principle, in his business, and how you can use them to grapple with all kinds of obstacles in life.

• Art of Manliness + Gracie Intro to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Videos:
  • Part 1 — The History
  • Part 2 — The Basics I
  • Part 3 — The Basics II
  • Part 4 — The Philosophy
• Rener‘s last appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #446: How Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Will Make You a Better Man
• Gracie University’s 32 Principles of Jiu-Jitsu Video Course
• Sunday Firesides: Secure Your Base
• AoM Article: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

• The 32 Principles book website
• Rener on IG
• Rener on X

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Over the last decade, cannabis use has been legalized in more states. At the same time, the idea that marijuana is a safe drug has steadily increased.

But is this an accurate perception?

Recent research by my guest, Dr. Ryan Sultan, a professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, casts some doubt on a universally affirmative answer to that question, and he says we need to be having a more objective, balanced, and nuanced conversation around cannabis than we currently are. We have exactly that kind of conversation today on the show. We dig into the fact that young adulta are the group most vulnerable to the potentially negative effects of cannabis and how marijuana use in adolescence is linked to both mental illness and cognitive deficits. Dr. Sultan unpacks how cannabis impacts the developing brain and may lead to schizophrenia, especially in males. We also talk about whether if you used marijuana as a young adult and then stopped, your brain can still recover, and a cannabis-related health concern for all ages that doesn’t concern the brain. We end our show with Dr. Sultan’s take on what the safe use of cannabis looks like for adults.

• Dr. Sultan’s study: “Nondisordered Cannabis Use Among US Adolescents”
• Recent study on the association between cannabis use and schizophrenia

• The Sultan Lab at Columbia University
• Dr. Sultan's practice: Integrative Psych 

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If you want insight on how to make love last, you might ask friends, family, a therapist, or a pastor for advice. You probably wouldn't think to turn to a divorce lawyer. But my guest, James Sexton, who does that very job in New York City, says there may be few people who have a better perspective on how to hold a marriage together, than the guy who's got a front row seat to how they fall apart.

James is the author of If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late: A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together, and today on the show he shares what he's learned from overseeing over a thousand divorces that you can use to reverse engineer a relationship that lasts. We discuss the five types of infidelity James sees in his practice and the approach to marriage that will prevent affairs. We then get into common sources of conflict in a marriage, including sex, finances, and kids, and how to address these issues so you never end up in James', or any other divorce lawyer's, office.

• AoMPodcast #550: How to Strengthen Your Marriage Against Divorce
• AoM Article: Why the Secret of a Happy, Successful Marriage Is Treating It Like a Bank Account
• AoM Podcast #850: The Infidelity Formula
• AoM Article: A Resolution for Romance — The 52 Love Notes Challenge
• AoM Article: How and Why to Hold a Weekly Marriage Meeting
• C.S. Lewis quote on the "dance" in relationships from That Hideous Strength

• James on IG
• James' firm

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There are tons of podcasts, blog posts, and books about how to get more focused. Focus is seen as the key to greater productivity and success.

While focus is important, my guest says there are also amazing powers to be found in something that gets a lot less attention: the unfocused mind.

Dr. Srini Pillay is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, a brain-imaging researcher, and the author of Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind. Today on the show, Srini explains the downsides of excessive focus, the importance of tapping into the unfocused mind, especially in the age of A.I., and the benefits of doing so, including how mind wandering can help you be more productive and creative, allow you to see greater possibilities for your life, and offer important insights that will get you unstuck from problems. He shares strategies to incorporate unfocused time into your lifestyle, including how to make daydreaming more beneficial and why you should let yourself doodle without guilt. Srini also makes a case for multitasking in the sense of switching back and forth between different tasks.

• Srini's website
• Neuro Business Group website
• Srini on LinkedIn
• Srini on X
• Srini on IG
• Srini's articles on Harvard Health

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Note: This is a rebroadcast.

In the quiet moments of our lives, we can all sense that our hearts long for something, though we often don't know what that something is. We seek an answer in our phones, and while they can provide some sense of extension and fulfillment — a feeling of magic — the use of technology also comes with significant costs in individual development and interpersonal connection that we typically don't fully understand and consider.

My guest today will unpack what it is we really yearn for, how technology, when misused, can direct us away from the path to fulfilling those yearnings, and how we can find true human flourishing in a world in which so much works against it. His name is Andy Crouch and he's the author of The Life We're Looking For: Reclaiming Relationship in a Technological World. Today on the show we talk about the tradeoffs you make when you seek magic without mastery, and how we can understand our desires better once we understand ourselves as heart, soul, mind, and strength complexes who want to be loved and known. We discuss the difference between interactions that are personal versus personalized, as well as the difference between devices and instruments, and how to use your phone as the latter instead of the former. We end our conversation with why Andy thinks we need to redesign the architecture of our relational lives and create something he calls "households."

• Faust by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
• Wendell Berry
• AoM article on Plato's idea of the tripartite nature of the soul
• AoM Podcast #723: Men Without Chests
• AoM Article: The Tool Works on Both Ends
• AoM Article: Communities vs. Networks — To Which Do You Belong?

• Andy's Website
• Praxis Labs

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

When most people think about losing weight, they think about the details of a diet plan — what food to eat, how much of it to eat, and when to eat it. What they don't spend enough time working on, are the mental and emotional habits that can sabotage their efforts, regardless of the diet plan they adopt.

That's why my guest today, despite being a biochemist, has made mindset the foundation of his approach to losing weight. His name is Dr. Trevor Kashey and he's the founder of Trevor Kashey Nutrition (TKN). We begin our conversation with a thumbnail of Trevor's unique background, which includes earning his first university degree in biochemistry at the age of 17, setting national records in powerlifting, and coaching an Olympic fight team, as well as how he went from coaching elite athletes to helping average folks lose weight. We then talk about why Trevor focuses on bridging the gap between knowledge and action, and the erroneous assumptions people make that keep them from following through on their intentions. From there we turn to the phases TKN takes its clients through, which begins with getting what Trevor calls "food clarity." We discuss how simply tracking what you eat can get you to naturally change your diet because of something called "the Hawthorne effect," and can almost be all you need to do to start losing weight. We then get into how to deal with your hunger when you're cutting calories, and why it's crucial to be decisive about it. We also discuss how you can eventually eat more once you work on eating less, how to manage the expectation of consistent weight loss, and why you really need to weigh yourself every week.

• AoM Podcast #708: Overcoming the Comfort Crisis 
• AoM Podcast #715: What's the Most Sustainable Diet?
• AoM Podcast #475: How to Lose Weight, and Keep It Off Forever 
• AoM article on how to track your food intake
• AoM Article: 6 Ways to Measure Your Body Fat
• The Hawthorne effect
• AoM series on willpower

• Trevor Kashey Nutrition: TKN
• Trevor on Instagram
• The Best Nutrition Group EVER on FB

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Personality tests sometimes come in for criticism these days for not being very accurate or helpful or for putting people into boxes. And it’s true that no test can ever entirely peg the complexities of personality, and they shouldn’t be applied with too much rigidity. But what these tests are useful for is serving as a prompt for reflecting on the particular ways you think, feel, and act, and, perhaps even more importantly, getting you to think about the fact that other people can see and approach the world in ways that are fundamentally different from your own.

I haven’t found a personality test that better serves as this kind of tool than what’s called the “People Code” or the “Color Code,” which categorizes people into four colors: Reds, Blues, Whites, and Yellows. I’ve found it uncanningly insightful in helping me understand myself and others better, and it’s become a regular topic of conversation amongst my family and friends.

Today I talk to the creator of the Color Code Personality Profile, psychologist Dr. Taylor Hartman. We discuss the strengths and weaknesses of the four color types, how to interact with each color to bring out their best traits, and how the colors combine in relationships. We then discuss the importance of developing the strengths of other colors besides your own, a process Taylor calls becoming “charactered.”

• Taylor’s Website
• Take the ColorCode Assessment
  • Discount code for the assessment: AOM30
• The People Code
• The Character Code
• Taylor on LinkedIn

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We often suppose that wars are fought over things like resources, border disputes, and ideologies. My guest calls this "the spreadsheet approach to war" and argues that, in reality, such factors only come in as justifications for the much deeper drives at play.

Mike Martin is a Senior Visiting Fellow in the Department of War Studies, King's College London and the author of Why We Fight. Today on the show, he draws on his background in biology and experience serving in the British army to offer an explanation as to why individuals and nation-states go to war. Mike argues that there are two fundamental impulses behind the drive to war: the drive for status and the drive for belonging. We discuss these motivations and how leaders and ideologies corral and amplify them. We end our conversation with how this view of war could prevent conflicts and allow them to be fought more successfully, and also be a lens for how to help men flourish in a healthy way.

• AoM series on status
• AoM series on honor
• AoM Podcast #756: How the Desire for Status Explains (Pretty Much) Everything
• AoM Podcast #908: Would You Have Been a Patriot or a Loyalist?
• AoM Podcast #419: American Honor — Creating the Nation’s Ideals During the Revolution
• Mike's latest book: How to Fight a War

• Mike on Twitter

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When someone asks us to do something we don’t want to do, we often say yes even though we want to say no, because we think that saying no will feel terrible. But my guest, Dr. Vanessa Patrick, says the opposite is true: we actually feel great when we say no.

So why do we have such a hard time doing so?

Today on the show, Vanessa, who’s the author of The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life, answers that question and more. She shares how to categorize the asks you get into quadrants to determine whether you should say yes or no to them. And she explains how to give an “empowered refusal” — a no that’s phrased in a way that makes it less likely to create offense or pushback — so you can start saying no to the things that don’t matter, and spend more of your time on the things that do.

• AoM Article: How to Firmly Say No Without Coming Off Like a Jerk
• AoM Article: A Better Way to Say No
• Sunday Firesides: Give the Gift of No
• AoM Article: Quit Being a Pushover: How to Be Assertive
• AoM Article: There Is No Indispensable Man

• Vanessa’s website
• Vanessa on LinkedIn
• Vanessa on Twitter
• Vanessa on IG
• Vanessa’s faculty page

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

As you move through time, you exist as a present self who makes decisions, an in-between self who should carry out those decisions, and a future self who will benefit from those decisions. Yet as we all know, in-between self often fails to follow through on what present self resolves, leaving future self pretty bummed out.

The solution to this dilemma, my guest says, is for your present self to become much better friends with your future self.

His name is Hal Hershfield, and he's a professor of marketing, behavioral decision making, and psychology, and the author of Your Future Self: How to Make Tomorrow Better Today. Hal and I spend the first part of our conversation taking a really interesting philosophical dive into what the self even is. We talk about why our future self can feel like a stranger, why it's hard to know what he'll be like, and what this dilemma has to do with becoming a vampire. We then discuss how building a stronger connection with your future self makes your present self more willing to help him, and how you can become closer to your future self by engaging in mental time traveling. Hal shares a couple techniques that can facilitate this mental time travel, three mistakes people make in taking this cognitive trip, and how to start making tomorrow better today.

• "The Self Is Moral" by Nina Strohminger
• Transformative Experience by L. A. Paul
• Yuta Chishima and Anne Wilson on writing a letter to and from your future self
• The End-of-History Illusion
• stickK.com
• AoM Podcast #731: A Futurist’s Guide to Building the Life You Want

• Hal's Website

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

While studying history back in the 1990s, Neil Howe and the late William Strauss noticed something: there seemed to be a pattern to history that repeated itself again and again. Howe and Strauss developed a theory that history moves in 80-100-year cycles divided into four 20-25-year "turnings": the High, Awakening, Unraveling, and Crisis.

Neil Howe argues that we are currently living through a Fourth Turning, and today on the show, we unpack what that means. Neil is a historian, demographer, and economist, and his latest book is The Fourth Turning Is Here. The crisis of the Fourth Turning isn't a historical event — it's a generation-long era that sometimes seems to be getting better, sometimes seems to be getting worse, and moves through several phases before reaching a climax and resolution. Neil explains what these phases look like, which ones we've already been through and which are still to come, and when he thinks our Fourth Turning will end and the cycle of history will start over. In the second part of our conversation, Neil talks about what cultural changes he thinks we'll experience as the Fourth Turning progresses, including how he thinks gender roles will shift. We also discuss what happens if the crisis ends in disaster, and the most important thing to do to successfully navigate a Fourth Turning.

• AoM article: The Generations of Men — How the Cycles of History Shape Your Values and Your Future
• Neil's last appearance on the show: Episode #256

• Neil on Twitter
• Neil on LinkedIn

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lately, I've been talking to my son Gus about considering a career in the trades. A lot of the white collar jobs out there don't seem very fulfilling, and A.I. is going to make more and more of them disappear. But skilled tradesmen are in demand, and that demand is only going to grow. One option I've floated to Gus is to still go to an affordable college, for the mind expansion and social opportunities, but then, instead of going on to get a graduate degree, as so many young people do, he could go to trade school instead.

That's one potential route should he be interested, but I sure wish he could be exposed to the trades while he's still in secondary education. All states have forms of what's called "Career and Technical Education," or CTE, but in most places, it's set up in a patchwork fashion; the programs are run by local schools that partner with other institutions that offer instruction in the trades.

The state of Connecticut does things differently. They have a one-of-a-kind CTE system, which, as one journalist recently put it, could serve as a national model for how to put the trades back in school. The Connecticut Technical Education and Career System, or CTECS, includes 17 high schools that are all headed by a single agency. Each school offers an education in both academics and the trades on the same campus. The students who choose to attend these special high schools spend half of their time on the former and half of their time on the latter, so by the time they graduate, they've earned both a high school diploma and certification in a trade. And the size and organization of CTECS allows it to partner with hundreds of employers in the area who furnish students with paid work on actual projects, so they can get plenty of hands-on, real world experience.

Today on the show, I talk to Brent McCartney, who oversees the architecture and construction trades at CTECS, about how the program works and how it benefits both the students and the community.

• AoM series on working in the trades
• AoM Podcast #642: Finding Money and Meaning in the Blue Collar Trades
• AoM Podcast #308: The Case for Blue Collar Work With Mike Rowe
• Recent New Yorker article that featured CTECS: "The Great Electrician Shortage"

• Connecticut Technical Education and Career System
• Brent on LinkedIn

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you’re an athlete, you know that it can be helpful to get psyched up before a big game. But getting in the right mindset is important in any kind of high-stakes scenario, whether you want to perform your best in a big meeting, presentation, interview, audition, or conversation.

My guest has some tips he gleaned from interviewing athletes, soldiers, entertainers, and executives on how to find that mindset. His name is Daniel McGinn, and he’s the author of Psyched Up: How the Science of Mental Preparation Can Help You Succeed. The first step to getting into an optimal mindset is managing negative emotions, so we begin our conversation with what works in mitigating stress and anxiety. From there we talk about how to get others psyched up with an effective pep talk and why the leaders who came out of WWII used the classic rah-rah style more than leaders do today. We then discuss the role of music in getting yourself psyched up and what Daniel learned from the DJ for the Red Sox about crafting the perfect pump-up playlist. Daniel shares how visualization and having a personal highlight reel can put you in a positive headspace, and whether or not anger, competition, and trash talk improve performance.

• AoM Podcast #569: How to Perform Your Best Under Pressure
• AoM Podcast #757: How to Achieve Cognitive Dominance With Mark McLaughlin
• AoM Article: Competition — The Fuel for Greatness

• Daniel on LinkedIn
• Daniel on Twitter

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The last time we had entrepreneur, professor, and author Luke Burgis on the show, he discussed the concept of mimetic desire, which says that we want the things we want because other people want them. Since that time, Luke has continued to explore the idea of mimesis, and how to resist its negative consequences, in his Substack: Anti-Mimetic. Today on the show, Luke and I dig into these ideas and discuss ways we can step outside the tempo, cadences, and priorities that the world would foist upon us and establish our own rhythms for our lives. Luke unpacks what it means to have “thick desires” and become a “political atheist” and how these concepts can help you live a more anti-mimetic life.

• Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life by Luke Burgis
• Luke’s previous appearance on the AoM podcast: Episode #714 — Why Do We Want What We Want?
• Leisure: The Basis of Culture by Josef Pieper 
• Deceit, Desire, and the Novel by René Girard
• The Red and the Black by Stendhal
• AoM Article: What Do You Want to Want?
• AoM Article: Freedom From…Freedom To
• AoM Podcast #215: Becoming an Individual in an Age of Distraction With Matthew Crawford
• AoM Podcast #796: The Life We’re Looking For
• AoM Podcast #847: Overdoing Democracy
• Sunday Firesides: Not Everything Is Political

• Luke’s Website
• Luke’s Substack: Anti-Mimetic

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Throughout each day, all of us make little shifts in our roles and responsibilities; we take off one hat and put on another. Sometimes these shifts are physical, as when we commute from home to the office. Other times, the shifts are mental, as when we finish working on an administrative task and start working on a creative one.

My guest calls these little shifts “microtransitions” and says that mastering them is a significant key in living a happy, fulfilled, and successful life. His name is Dr. Adam Fraser and he’s a peak performance researcher and the author of The Third Space. As Adam explains, in each microtransition, there are three spaces: the first space which is the task, role, or place you’re leaving behind, the second space, which is the task, role, or place you’re transitioning to, and the third space which is the in-between transition itself. To make an ideal microtransition, you break that third space into three phases, and Adam walks us through how to execute each one so you can show up as your best self in the second space. We talk about how to make microtransitions between different work roles, and spend a lot of our conversation on how to improve the microtransiton between work and home — even if you work from home — so you can arrive ready to engage with your partner or family.

• Sunday Firesides: Your Routine Needs Rites of Passage
• AoM article on how to use a “Homeric bath” as a transitional “homecoming” ritual
• AoM article on how Alexander Graham Bell used “locational prompts” to be more productive
• AoM article on doing different kinds of work in different places
• Sunday Firesides: Give Them the Cream

• Adam’s Website

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When Americans think back to the War of Independence, most are apt to feel that, had they lived back then, they would have been Patriots for sure. In retrospect, the decision to rebel and get out from under the thumb of British rule seems inevitable. Yet only around a third of colonists ever declared themselves as revolutionaries, and even among the country's Founding Fathers, it wasn't always obvious if they would stay loyal to Great Britain or become rebels, right up until the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

As H.W. Brands, historian, professor, and author of Our First Civil War explains, the decision to align with the side of the Loyalists or the Patriots was complex, and not only had to do with the kind of policy issues we often think about in regards to the war, but also personal factors related to respect and ambition. He talks about how George Washington and Benjamin Franklin were actually very unlikely Patriots and what ultimately got them to embrace the revolutionary cause, and why Franklin's son chose differently and remained a Loyalist. We also discuss why John Adams threw in his lot with the Patriots, and why Benedict Arnold flipped sides.

• H.W.'s Substack: A User's Guide to History
• H.W. on Twitter
• H.W.'s faculty page

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When you’re walking in the woods, you’re often surrounded by trees. But you probably don’t notice them much, and when you do spot some irregularity, like a strange bulge in the trunk of a tree, you likely don’t have any idea how it got there. But my guest says that these trees you’re passing by have all kinds of stories to share, and once you learn their language, they can tell you all sorts of secrets about the world, and even help you navigate it.

Tristan Gooley is an adventurer, expedition leader, natural navigator, and author of How to Read a Tree. Today on the show, he unpacks the clues in a tree’s shape, branches, bark, roots, and leaves, what they can tell you about the environment, and how they can help you find your way. We also talk about what looking at a tree stump can reveal, the hidden seasons in trees, and the first place to look in a tree to spy fall foliage. We end our conversation with how to get started with reading trees today.

• Tristan’s previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
  • Episode #343: How to Read Nature — Awakening Your Senses to the Outdoors
  • Episode #563: How to Develop Your Nature Instinct

• Tristan’s Website: The Natural Navigator

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My flight was awful. The restaurant's service was terrible. The traffic was horrible. My boss is the worst. Our culture is the stupidest.

Whenever we get together with other people, we hear lots of complaints, and plenty come out of our own mouths.

All this complaining may be ubiquitous, but it's not entirely innocuous. Complaining puts us in a negative mood, hurts our health, and damages our relationships.

If you've ever wanted to complain less, my guest today has some advice on how to break the complaining habit and embrace a more positive and proactive life. His name is Will Bowen, and he's the founder of the Complaint Free movement and the author of A Complaint Free World. Today on the show, Will first defines what constitutes a complaint. He then shares the five main reasons people offer complaints, so you can learn to recognize what triggers yours. Will also explains how to deal with being on the receiving end of each type of complaint, so you don't have to listen to the complaining of others.

• AoM Article: Never Complain; Never Explain
• AoM Article: Why Negativity Is a Social Killer
• Dr. Robin Kowalski's research
• A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

• A Complaint Free World Website
• Will's Website

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Working out at any time of day is great. But my guest says there are distinct benefits to doing it in the a.m., and he's going to walk you through everything you need to know, from mindset to habits, to become a morning workout person.

Anthony Arvanitakis is a bodyweight training coach and the author of The 7 A.M. Workout Edge: Wake Up, Work Out, Own the Day. Today on the show, he offers concrete tips for overcoming the challenges of working out in the morning, from getting out of bed to finding the time to do it before work, including his "Brain Start-Up Routine" for shaking off the just-woken-up inertia to get going. In the latter part of the show, Anthony details how to do a highly effective at-home bodyweight workout that can easily fit into your morning routine and requires minimal equipment and only 30 minutes. We also talk about how to combine bodyweight training with cardio to do something he calls "cardiosthenics" that's great for fat loss.

• Anthony's previous appearances on the AoM podcast:
  • Episode #177: Homemade Muscle & Bodyweight Training
  • Episode #319: Why Every Man Should Have a Workout Ritual
• AoM Podcast #652: Mise-en-Place — How Chefs Organize Their Work
• AoM Podcast #888: The Science of a Better Daily Routine
• AoM Article (By Anthony): How to Break Through a Push-Up Plateau (Using the Mind-to-Muscle Connection)
• AoM Article: The Groundhog Day Diet — Why I Eat the Same Thing Every Day
• AoM series on how to use gymnastic rings
• AoM article and podcast about Zone 2 cardio
• Pull-up bar/dip station
• Anthony's video about his warm-up routine
• Anthony's video of an example of a full-week bodyweight routine
• Anthony's video on a "cardiosthenics" beginner's routine

• The 7 A.M. Workout Edge Website
• Bodyweight Muscle YouTube Channel
• Bodyweight Muscle Website

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Once a year, I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy. It’s a cathartic annual ritual for me. What is it about this novel that has such an impact on my soul and those of other readers? Who is the man who wrote it, and what was he trying to do with this story of a father and son struggling to survive in a post-apocalyptic landscape?

For answers to these questions, I decided to talk to a foremost expert on McCarthy’s work, as well as the literature of the American West in general. His name is Steven Frye and he’s a professor of English, a novelist in his own right, and the author and editor of several books about the reclusive, philosophical author, including Understanding Cormac McCarthy. We begin our conversation with some background on McCarthy and a discussion of his distinctive style and themes, and why he avoids the limelight and prefers to hang out with scientists over fellow artists. We then dive into The Road, and Steve unpacks what inspired it, as well as the authors and books that influenced it. We then dig into the big themes of The Road, and how it can be read as a biblical allegory that wrestles with the existence of God. We delve into the tension which exists between the father and son in the book, and what it means to “carry the fire.” We end our conversation with why reading The Road makes you feel both depressed and hopeful at the same time.

A spoiler alert here: If you haven’t read The Road yet, we do reveal some of the plot points in this discussion. Also, why haven’t you read The Road yet?

• Other books by Steven Frye, including his novel Dogwood Crossing
• McCarthy’s books mentioned in the show:
  • The Road
  • All the Pretty Horses
  • Blood Meridian
  • The Orchard Keeper
  • No Country for Old Men
  • The Sunset Limited
• The film adaptation of The Road
• The Santa Fe Institute
• Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
• “Cat in the Rain” — short story by Ernest Hemingway
• “Indian Camp” — short story by Ernest Hemingway
• AoM Podcast #635: The Existentialist’s Survival Guide
• AoM Article: Carry the Fire
• AoM Article: Books So Good I’ve Read Them 2X (Or More!)

• Steve’s website

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When we think about Stoic philosophers, we typically think about the thinkers of ancient Greece and Rome, like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. But my guest, Mark Matousek, says there was an incredibly insightful Stoic philosopher who lived on the American continent in more modern times: Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Matousek is the author of Lessons from an American Stoic: How Emerson Can Change Your Life, and today on the show, he shares how Stoicism and Transcendentalism overlap and how you can use Emerson's Stoic philosophy to become a nonconformist. We discuss the lessons you can learn from Emerson on developing self-reliance, embracing the strengths of your weaknesses, trusting your own genius instead of imitating others, gaining confidence from nature, compensating for the difficulties of relationships through the joy of deeper connections, living with greater courage, and more.

• Emerson's essay "Self-Reliance"
• "I Sing the Body Electric" by Walt Whitman
• AoM Article: A Man's Guide to Self-Reliance
• AoM Article: Emerson’s Advice on How to Read for Greater Self-Reliance
• AoM Article: 31 Journaling Prompts for Building Greater Self-Reliance
• AoM Podcast #384: What It Really Means to Be Self-Reliant
• AoM Podcast #894: Thoreau on Making a Living
• AoM Podcast #861: 7 Journaling Techniques That Can Change Your Life
• Sunday Firesides: Despise Not the Thing That Would Save You
• Sunday Firesides: Look Into the Tomb

• Mark's website
• The Seekers Forum

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In 1980s America, gritty streets were filled with crime, the threat of Cold War hovered in the air, and action movies starring tough guy heroes dominated the box office. This was a time in cinema when muscle, martial arts, and the perfect weapon were the keys to saving the day; when the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone ruled the silver screen and their on-screen carnage was only rivaled by their off-screen competition.

Why did this golden age of action movies emerge when it did, and why don't they make films like that anymore? Here to chart the rise and fall of the golden age of action movies is Nick de Semlyen, author of The Last Action Heroes, The Triumphs, Flops, and Feuds of Hollywood's Kings of Carnage. Today on the show, Nick shares the stories behind the larger-than-life stars of the action genre — including Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Steven Seagal — and the iconic films they starred in. He also discusses why the action genre fell out of favor in the early 90s, why its movies nonetheless continue to endure in popularity, and the three action films he most recommends watching.

• Nick's website
• Nick on IG
• Nick on Twitter

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When people think about survival and preparedness, they tend to think of dealing with an end-of-the-world kind of scenario. But lots of bad things can happen, and are more likely to happen, that fall short of the apocalypse. My guest can help you prepare for any worst case scenario, whether it’s the worst thing to happen to mankind or just the worst thing to happen to you this year. His name is Mike Glover, and he’s a former Green Beret, the founder of Fieldcraft Survival, and the author of Prepared.

Today on the show, Mike and I first talk about the softer skills of preparedness. We discuss how to create plans using military concepts like war gaming and the PACE methodology, build your tolerance to stress, and develop your situational awareness so you don’t freeze in a crisis or let one catch you by surprise. In the second half of our conversation, we discuss the harder skills of preparing for worst case scenarios. Mike outlines what capabilities every man should develop. He shares his own EDC and what he recommends you carry and wear on a day-to-day basis. We talk about how to stock your home and car for emergencies and more.

• Podcast #820: Escape the Safety Trap
• How to Make a Bug Out Bag: Your 72-Hour Emergency Evacuation Survival Kit
• How to Bug-In: What You Need to Know to Survive a Grid-Down Disaster
• What Every Man Should Keep in His Car
• A Beginner’s Guide to EDC
• How to Use a Tourniquet to Control Major Bleeding
• A Complete Guide to Home Fire Prevention and Safety
• How to Develop Situational Awareness
• The Complete Guide to Making a DIY First Aid Kit
• Podcast #610: Who Lives in Survival Situations, Who Dies, and Why
• A Complete Guide to Home Security

• Mike on IG
• Fieldcraft Survival Website
• Fieldcraft Survival YouTube Channel
• Fieldcraft Survival Podcast

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To be successful at their craft, magicians must possess the well-honed technical skills to pull off their mystifying tricks and clever sleights of hand. But as magician Steve Cohen observes, they must also be "masters at attracting interest, holding attention, and leaving audiences with fond memories of their time together" — skills that everyone can use to persuade audiences, charm dates, own a room, and influence others.

Steve, also known as the Millionaires' Magician, is the author Win the Crowd: Unlock the Secrets of Influence, Charisma, and Showmanship. Today on the show, Steve shares the insights he and his fellow magicians know on everything from taking command of a room to creating a compelling character to making a magical entrance. Steve shares how to build your boldness through "put pocketing," develop "spontaneous resourcefulness," get people wrapped up in the magic of your message by suggesting rather than stating, increase your confidence by having a place for everything and everything in its place, and much more. At the end of our conversation, he shares two of his most interesting tips and explains how to influence people to do what you want by using "layered commands" and the "trailing or."

• Steve on the Late Show with David Letterman
• A look at what the Chamber Magic show is like on Good Day New York
• AoM Article: Command a Room Like a Man
• AoM Podcast #306: What a Magician Can Teach You About Being More Successful
• AoM Podcast #890: Toastmasters, Aristotle, and the Essential Art of Rhetoric
• AoM Article: A Place for Everything and Everything in Its Place
• What's the Deal With Mickey Mouse's Ears?

• Chamber Magic website

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