The Dom Sub Living BDSM and Kink Podcast

#139 Most subs think they've experienced subspace. They haven't – not really.

In this episode, we're breaking down all 5 stages of subspace and how to get there faster – including the one stage nobody warns you about that can quietly damage your dynamic if you're not handling it right.

If you're a a Dom who wants to guide your partner there or a sub who wants to go deeper, this one's for you.

➡️ Grab your free sample scene: https://domsubliving.com/scene

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/139

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#138 When good becomes boring – that's the real threat to your kink life.

Your dynamic works. Your scenes are comfortable. But comfort has a sneaky way of killing intensity. In this episode, you'll learn 7 new ways to level up what's already working, without blowing up what you've built.

Listen now and pick one thing to try tonight!

➡️ Free checklist of 50+ kinks: https://domsubliving.com/checklist

➡️ Explore our online courses: https://domsubliving.com/courses

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#137 I ripped up our D/s contract… more than once.

If your dynamic feels off, it might not be your partner. It’s often subtle patterns that keep you stuck. In this episode, I break down the hidden mistakes that quietly stall your growth as a Dom or sub.

Ready to grow your D/s dynamic? Hit play and start leveling up now.

➡️ Kink Personality Type Quiz: https://domsubliving.com/quiz

➡️ Step-by-step Dom Sub Training course: https://domsubtraining.com

#136 What is a Pleasure Dom – and why do subs say it ruins them for everyone else?

We're covering what makes this dynamic so powerful, who it's built for, and six ways it plays out in real D/s relationships – including one most educators won't touch.

➡️ Free Quick Start Dom Guide: https://domsubliving.com/dom

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/136

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#135 Still stuck at the same level in BDSM?

Getting better isn’t about more toys or tricks. It’s about mindset, consistency, and showing up with intention – whether you’re single or in a D/s dynamic. This is what actually creates growth. 

Ready to level up your kink? Start applying these 8 things today.

➡️ Access the free Resource Library: https://domsubliving.com/free

➡️ Check out the All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#134 Why do some BDSM scenes feel flat – even when everything looks right?

Discover the 2 things that actually make or break a BDSM scene. Learn how Doms and subs can prepare, avoid common mistakes, and create deeper, more connected scenes. 

Share this episode with your partner and try these 2 shifts before your next scene.

➡️ Download your free scene: https://domsubliving.com/scene

➡️ Get our Scene Creation Worksheets inside our All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#133 What do Dominants do that drives submissives crazy?

Real answers from the Dom Sub Living community reveal common D/s mistakes – from lack of follow-through to inconsistency, attention, and leadership gaps. Learn what breaks submission and how to fix it.

➡️ Join our free community: https://domsubliving.com/community

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/133

#132 The Dom is stressed – and your dynamic is paying the price. In this episode, we answer a real coaching call question about what to do when the Dom checks out under pressure. Learn how to spot red flags, how the sub can stay grounded in submission, and why stress might actually strengthen your dynamic. If this sounds familiar, you need to hear this episode.

➡️ Join our Dom Sub Training course: https://domsubtraining.com

➡️ Explore all our online courses: https://domsubliving.com/courses

#131 Are you slowly killing your D/s dynamic without realizing it? In this episode, we break down hidden patterns that weaken connection, trust, and power exchange over time – and why they feel normal while you’re in them. Listen now and take an honest look at your BDSM dynamic today.

➡️ Download your free BDSM contract: https://domsubliving.com/contract

➡️ Explore our courses & trainings: https://domsubliving.com/courses

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#130 BDSM is not abuse. Consensual non-consent is not rape, and ageplay is not incest. In this powerful episode, we break down consent, red flags, and when power exchange crosses the line. Featuring RAINN. Listen now and share with someone who needs it.

➡️ Get support/support RAINN: https://rainn.org

➡️ Learn more about Podcasthon: https://podcasthon.org

➡️ Explore our resources: https://domsubliving.com

#129 Too many protocols? Not enough? Here's the fix.

If your D/s protocols keep failing – or you don't have any – this episode is for you. We break down 50 creative protocol ideas for every dynamic: bedroom-only, long-distance, CG/l, high protocol, disability, public, and even single kinksters.

Listen now and choose one protocol to implement today.

➡️ More protocol ideas: https://domsubliving.com/protocols

➡️ Dom/sub Dynamics virtual summit: https://domsubdynamics.com

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#128 Most Dom/sub dynamics don’t fail from lack of kink—they fail from lack of communication. Discover 10 powerful questions that deepen D/s, improve scenes, strengthen aftercare, and prevent dynamics from drifting. These questions build trust, devotion, and intentional power exchange. Listen now and try one question with your partner tonight!

➡️ Free list of 20+ protocols: https://domsubliving.com/protocols

➡️ Step-by-step courses: https://domsubliving.com/courses

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#127 If your D/s keeps starting strong… and then quietly falling apart, it’s not because you’re bad at BDSM. There’s a pattern we see over and over in Dom/sub relationships. It has nothing to do with effort, toys, or trying harder. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Listen now and find out what’s really sabotaging your dynamic.

➡️ Free list of 30+ punishment ideas: https://domsubliving.com/punish

➡️ Access the free Resource Library: https://domsubliving.com/free

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/127

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#126 Some of you are going to try this anyway. Edgeplay goes beyond safe, sane, and consensual into risk-aware kink – and most kinksters aren’t ready for what that really means. We're ranking five advanced practices by danger level and breaking down the psychology, trust, and real risks behind them. Listen now to hear which one tops the list.

➡️ Free checklist of 50+ kinks: https://domsubliving.com/checklist

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/126

#125 What if your power exchange didn’t end when the scene was over? We're sharing 6 practical training methods to make your D/s dynamic real every day—beyond the bedroom. If you’re craving a consistent and kinky Dom/sub dynamic instead of a hobby, this is your roadmap.

➡️ Free 'How to Be a Good Dom' Quick Start Guide: https://domsubliving.com/dom

➡️ Explore our online courses: https://domsubliving.com/courses

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#124: Struggling to find a real Dom or sub without scammers or fake dynamics? In this episode, we're breaking down the 4 proven ways kinksters are actually meeting healthy partners today – from introducing kink to a current partner to dating smarter online and in person. Listen now and start finding real connection.

➡️ Join our free community: https://domsubliving.com/community

➡️ Explore our step-by-step trainings: https://domsubliving.com/courses

#123 Daddy, Master, Sadist… why does choosing a Dom style feel so hard?

This episode explores how instinct, control, care, and desire shape your true Dominant identity, with a grounded take on finding alignment instead of forcing labels.

Press play to hear what actually fits.

➡️ Free Dominant Quick Start Guide: https://domsubliving.com/dom

➡️ All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#122 “I want a Dom/sub dynamic, but how do I trust?”

In this interview, real students David and Dana share how they built a healthy Dom/sub relationship. We talk trust, communication, leadership, safety, and mindset—what actually works beyond fantasy.

Subscribe for more real BDSM conversations.

➡️ Join our free community: https://domsubliving.com/community

➡️ Check out the All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#121 What is it really like inside a BDSM dungeon? We're taking you behind the scenes of our New Year’s Eve night in Los Angeles, from safety rules and live, performances to playing on the St. Andrew’s Cross and ending at Denny’s. Listen now and join our online kink community.

➡️ Our free community: https://domsubliving.com/community

➡️ All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#120 Kink curious but overwhelmed?

👉 Take the free kink personality type quiz: https://domsubliving.com/quiz

You don’t need extreme play, expensive toys, or a dungeon to start BDSM. In this episode, we're sharing a clear, beginner-friendly path to consent, power exchange, starter kinks, first scenes, and building a real Dom/sub dynamic that actually works in real life.

Follow the show and listen now.

➡️ Fee kink personality type quiz: https://domsubliving.com/quiz

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/120

#119 24/7 D/s isn’t something you jump into overnight. We're breaking down the real phases that take couples from bedroom-only kink into a lived 24/7 power exchange—without rushing, forcing labels, or burning out. If you feel stuck in the middle, this will make the path clearer. Follow the show so you don’t miss what comes next.

➡️ Free BDSM contract template: https://domsubliving.com/contract

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/008

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#118 I almost didn’t release this episode—and that’s exactly why I had to. In this raw episode, I'm sharing the good, bad, and ugly of a tough year: surviving long-distance D/s, facing kink community drama, and the hard boundaries I drew to protect myself and my work. Listen through the end to hear what’s coming next—and why I'm not backing down.

➡️ Access the free Resource Library: https://domsubliving.com/free

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/118

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#117 One of you is kinky, the other... not so much. Is that a deal-breaker—or just a hard conversation you’ve been avoiding? Relationship coach Amanda Dames breaks down how kinky/vanilla couples can talk about desire without shame, translate needs clearly, and decide what’s actually sustainable long-term. No pressure. No fixing. Just honesty. Listen now, then follow Amanda Dames and check out The Kink Consultant podcast for deeper guidance.

➡️ Check out Amanda's site: https://www.amandadames.com

➡️ Listen to her podcast, The Kink Consultant: https://podfollow.com/1766435920

➡️ Download her free workbook, "Speak Your Desires with Confidence": https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1

#116 What do you do when real life and D/s collide?

👉 Join the free Dom Sub Living Community: https://domsubliving.com/community

Today Jay and Alesandra answer your biggest Dom/sub questions: long-distance rules, sub drop, fear of judgment, family boundaries, punishment, switching, and even dirty talk styles. Join our Dom Sub Living Community to ask your own questions next episode!

➡️ Join the free Dom Sub Living Community: https://domsubliving.com/community

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/116

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#115 Slave training doesn’t fall apart because the sub fails — it falls apart because the Dom can’t stay consistent. In this episode, Jay shares how our Master/slave training began, why most structures collapse, and the one thing Doms must master to keep their dynamic strong, sustainable, and consensual. Tap play to learn the simple shift that makes slave training actually work.

➡️ Free weekly newsletter: https://domsubliving.com/signup

➡️ Get deeper support: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#114 Can you kneel for your partner and still stand for equality?

❤️ Download your free cheat sheet, 'How to Be a Good Sub': https://domsubliving.com/sub

In this episode, we're exploring how feminism and submission actually complete each other. Learn why power exchange isn’t powerless, how shame transforms into choice, and what true consent means in D/s. 💬 Got thoughts? Comment or DM Alesandra on Instagram: @domsubliving

➡️ Free 'How to Be a Good Sub' Cheat Sheet: https://domsubliving.com/sub

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/114

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#113 Why do some scenes leave deep bruises and others nothing at all? In this episode we're unpacking bruises, branding, and marks in BDSM – what they mean emotionally, the science of bruising, how to explain them to vanilla people, and when branding goes too far. Listen now to feel safer and more seen.

➡️ Access the free BDSM Resource Library: https://domsubliving.com/free

➡️ Join our free community: https://domsubliving.com/community

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#112 Ever met a Dom who can control a room without saying a word? In this episode, we're revealing the 10 hidden power plays only experienced Dominants use – how silence, attention, and anticipation build real obedience and trust. Learn the quiet secrets that make submission magnetic. Which power play will you try first?

➡️ Free Dominant Quick Start Guide: https://domsubliving.com/dominant

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/112

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#111 What if everything you’ve heard about BDSM and kink is wrong? In this episode, we're busting the biggest Dom/sub myths holding people back—from feeling too inexperienced to thinking BDSM is immoral. Learn the truth about who really belongs in kink. Listen now and start unlearning the lies about BDSM.

➡️ Access the free Resource Library: https://domsubliving.com/free

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/005

#110 BDSM isn’t just fantasy—it’s how real people grow. Alesandra and Deborah Kat get honest about living a D/s lifestyle: consent, safewords, limits, protocols, weekly check-ins, 24/7 dynamics, parenting, money, safety, community—plus the fun, kinky parts. Loved it? Follow Deborah’s 'Better Sex Podcast' and subscribe for more real talk.

➡️ Deborah Kat's 'Better Sex Podcast': https://www.deborahkat.com/podcast

➡️ Free Dom Sub Living newsletter: https://domsubliving.com/signup

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#109 What makes a BDSM scene truly work? We talk about limits all the time—but rarely about the things we actually need to feel connected, grounded, and fulfilled. In this episode, Alesandra opens up about her real must-haves for every scene and why yours matter just as much. Reflect on your own and share them with us after listening.

➡️ Free Yes/No/Maybe checklist: https://domsubliving.com/checklist

➡️ Explore our step-by-step courses: https://domsubliving.com/courses

#108 Can BDSM be spiritual? In this episode, we're exploring the meditative and transformative side of power exchange — from subspace and Domspace to mindful rituals, breathwork, and spiritual aftercare. Learn how intention and awareness can turn any scene into a sacred experience.

➡️ Discover 20 rituals to make your dynamic sacred: https://domsubliving.com/rituals

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/108

#107 Worried your sub will see right through your nerves? In this coaching call replay, Alesandra and her Dom, Jay, share real-world advice on how Dominants build confidence before and during a scene—through communication, self-awareness, and practice that makes play feel natural and fun. Listen now to learn how real Doms grow confident in every scene.

➡️ Join our free community: https://domsubliving.com/community

➡️ Get private coaching in our All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#106 Locktober isn’t just denial—it’s connection, power, and play.

🔒 Free Cheat Sheet to level up your submission: https://domsubliving.com/sub

Learn what Locktober is, its meme roots, how to prep and size devices, keyholder dynamics, solo play, the Chaster app, real student stories, and pitfalls to avoid. Subscribe for more kink-positive conversations.

➡️ Free Submissive Cheat Sheet: https://domsubliving.com/sub

➡️ Chastity device affiliate recommendations: https://domsubliving.com/stockroom

➡️ Obedience App affiliate recommendation: https://domsubliving.com/obedience

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/106

#105 People think masochists will try anything… but I’ve got hard limits too. In this episode, I share the story of why electroplay makes me cringe, what happened when my teen mistook a new gadget for a toy, and how true trust in TPE means respecting boundaries. Tune in now and follow the show for more Dom/sub stories.

➡️ Free checklist of 50 kinks: https://domsubliving.com/checklist

➡️ Dom Sub Living newsletter: https://domsubliving.com/signup

#104 What actually happens your first time at a dungeon or munch? Do people really play in front of strangers? Or do you just stand there and watch?” In this episode, we're sharing what to expect, what to wear, how to talk to people, and spot red flags so you feel confident. Don’t risk looking awkward or creepy – tune in to learn how to make your first event a success.

➡️ Grab the free Resource Library: https://domsubliving.com/free

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/104

#103 Why is now the best time to start living the BDSM lifestyle? Find out on this episode of Dom Sub Living! We're addressing common excuses for delaying and sharing three factors that make this the ideal moment to start. Discover the potential risks you may not have thought about that could change the future landscape. Don't wait any longer to explore BDSM. Take action now and embrace your desires by starting your journey into the Dom/sub lifestyle!

➡️ Grab your free Resource Library: https://domsubliving.com/free

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/004

#102 If your idea of a BDSM contract comes from 50 Shades, we need to talk.

👉 Grab your free template at https://domsubliving.com/contract

In this episode, I take you inside my real-life BDSM contract—what’s in it, what’s not, and the surprising clause that saved our relationship. Tune in to learn how to write a Dom/sub contract that’s safe, hot, and functional.

➡️ Download your free contract PDF: https://domsubliving.com/contract

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/102

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#101 The podcast is changing! Does that mean less content? Nope. It means more real talk, raw stories, and deeper insights than ever. In this episode, we're sharing why the format is shifting, what’s ahead for the YouTube and audio versions, and exciting updates like the Kink Bundle and my upcoming book. Don’t miss it—subscribe and share!

➡️ Sign up for our newsletter: https://domsubliving.com/signup

➡️ Access our community: https://domsubliving.com/community

➡️ Join the All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#100 Think kink is simple? After 100 episodes, we're revealing 10 hard-earned lessons that go beyond floggers and fantasy.

✅ Subscribe and grab your free BDSM Lifestyle roadmap at https://domsubliving.com/follow

From tackling judgment to finding community, discover truths that shape real D/s dynamics and mental health. Don’t miss this milestone episode of raw stories, freebies, and celebration!

➡️ Free BDSM Lifestyle roadmap: https://domsubliving.com/follow

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/100

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#099 DDLG isn’t just cute outfits and bedtime routines—it’s a deep, powerful dynamic that blends nurture, structure, and trust.

💕 Grab your free DDLG starter list at https://domsubliving.com/ddlg

In this episode, we're breaking down what being a babygirl, little, or middle really looks like, plus the differences between DDLG and DDBG. Listen now and join the conversation.

➡️ Free DDLG starter list: https://domsubliving.com/ddlg

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/099

#098 Spankings aren’t cutting it anymore.

👉 Grab the free punishment list at https://domsubliving.com/punish

In this episode, we're sharing 5 Dom/sub punishment ideas that actually work—yes, even for masochists. From writing lines to orgasm denial, we're breaking down what to use, when to use it, and why some punishments backfire. Don’t miss #3—it changed everything.

➡️ 30+ punishment ideas: https://domsubliving.com/punish

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/098

#097 Is kink your secret superpower? In this fun and fearless interview, Alesandra joins actress and comedian Amy Vorpahl to talk BDSM 101, living unapologetically kinky, and what it really means to be a Dom or sub in everyday life. Listen now!

➡️ Amy's website: https://www.amyvorpahl.com

➡️ Join Amy's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/amyvorpahl

➡️ Follow Amy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vorpahlsword/

➡️ Free kink resources: https://domsubliving.com/free

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#096 If you're a Dom—or trying to be one—don't screw this up.

🎯 Take the free quiz: https://domsubliving.com/fakedom

We're revealing the top 5 signs of fake Dominants, from skipping consent to using fear instead of leadership. You'll learn how to spot red flags and what real D/s dynamic should look like. Doms (and subs), listen up!

➡️ Fake Dom quiz: https://domsubliving.com/fakedom

➡️ Dom Sub Training course: https://domsubtraining.com

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/096

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#095 Does your dynamic feel off? If your Dom/sub relationship feels stuck or stale, this episode breaks down the 7 hidden habits that keep real D/s dynamics strong — for years. From rituals and contracts to community and mindset, this is what no one tells you.

➡️ Join the All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/095

#094 Are BDSM teachers getting it wrong?

✅ Join the All Access Pass at https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

We're exposing 10 harmful myths most BDSM educators still teach — from punishment-first training to ignoring a Dom's emotional needs. If you've ever felt like you're doing BDSM “wrong,” this is the truth you’ve been waiting for.

➡️ Join the All-Access Pass: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/094

❤️ Join the All-Access Pass for community, coaching, and courses: https://domsubliving.com/allaccess

#093 “Am I too new? Too awkward? Not ‘dominant’ enough?”

If you've ever felt like a fake or imposter in BDSM, you’re not alone. We're sharing how to build confidence, stop self-doubt, and finally feel like a “real” Dom or sub — even without a partner. Tune in now to start owning your role with confidence.

➡️ Join the free bootcamp: https://domsubliving.com/bootcamp

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/093

#092 Think you need a partner to explore BDSM? Think again. Learn how to build skills, rituals, and confidence as a Dom or sub—solo. Avoid beginner mistakes and prep for your ideal dynamic. Ready to start your journey? Join our free Bootcamp!

➡️ Free Jumpstart Your BDSM Journey Bootcamp: https://domsubliving.com/bootcamp

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/092

#091 “I don’t make love—I f*ck. Hard.”

📝 Get your free BDSM contract at https://domsubliving.com/contract

Is Fifty Shades of Grey really that bad… or are we just mad it opened the door for millions? In this deep dive, we're breaking down what it got wrong (and very wrong), what it got right, and why it still matters. Hit play and get ready to move beyond fiction.

➡️ Free BDSM contract template: https://domsubliving.com/contract

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/091

#090 What if training your sub could feel more like bonding with a dragon than shouting commands?

👉 Grab the free “How to Be a Good Dom” Quick Start guide at https://domsubliving.com/dominant

We're sharing real-world ways to build trust, create habits that stick, avoid common Dom mistakes, and adjust training styles for every type of sub. Strengthen connection, not control.

➡️ Access the free Dominant Quick Start Guide: https://domsubliving.com/dominant

➡️ Show notes and more: https://domsubliving.com/090