Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

As perhaps the leading non-binary couple in the podcast comedy world today we are thrilled to bring you this aspect of the wonder from the perspective of our obtuse reality. Hope that was clear. 

Sometimes when you are making a brown someone will crawl under the stall to see if you are indeed browning. What would you do in that situation? 

The Mommies saw another horrible movie. Hope you get to have a night ruined by it as well. 

Plus another guy had vocal fry and it wasn't even the worst part of his personality. He also liked to....kill and eat people. Can you guess who?

This episode is full of such a good time we HAD to find some boring audio to dull it down. Hope it's boring enough for you. 

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Have you ever tried to get a hearing impaired person to lick your stuff but you weren't sure how to do it? We have answers. 

Plus we're pretty sure we found our sons little league coach. Hope he's still around when Little Jeans is ready to play. This guy emphasizes that losing sucks and no one wants to be one. 

Tina and Tommy both break down what they individually hate and what they hate as a couple (acoustic?). 

Hi Mommy...Thanks Jeans rages on and much more!

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Don't hit me, Mummy! Don't hurt me, mummy! This week Tommy recaps his big celebration trip with Burnt and both pairs of Jeans have a Dental Update. Who do you think has the more perfect smile? Jack Reach Around Two is reviewed. Spoiler Alert: It's a pile of garbage. More emails and more orders of Hey, Mommy....Thanks, Jeans!

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Finally! Someone is talking about the real issues - how do you mop up all that stuff after you make kisses? A nice British lady is going to show us the way (it's the Shower).

Plus - you weigh in on the Personality Battle. Hey, some of you are a little TOO honest. Thanks.

We meet a lady who wants to live with no environmental impact. That includes REUSING toilet paper. NEAT.

And Hey, Mommy...Thanks, Jeans rolls on.

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The McAfee Virus guy isn't just a genius when it comes to protecting your PC. He also has discovered that hammocks are great for lounging on and pooping off of. Just listen to this parade of women tell you about it. 

Plus, you've picked sides when it comes to #Water, #Posture and #fitness. Now the two jeans break down who has a better #personality. Which side are YOU on?!

We have a new most boring video ever. Is it real? Doubtful. More dad accents, Horrible or Hilarious and some Hall Of Fame level ordering of "Hi, Mommy...Thanks, Jeans!"

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Reach into your pants, hold on to your twig and berries and take a DEEP SNIFF.

That's how you train to be a good pup. Good boy. 

Tommy is deep in his weight loss competition with Burnt. These last 24 hours are rough!

We revisit with Orlando Brown who has new ways to describe his sexual exploits. 

Plus, what YMH word does Tina add to her coffee order? Are you ready to step up your "Hi Mommy, Thanks Jeans" Game? 

It's all here. 

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Does your shoulder hurt? Have you tired saluting the Fuhrer? We can tell you one thing for sure - It Helps!!

Christina considers the Skullet - the haircut that Tommy has been pushing for years. Will you urge her to get it done? Thanks.

The Mommies consider potty training for their little boy. What word should they use to describe going number 2? Making brown, caca, taking a dump. Lets figure it out together. 

We revisit the EV mic guy and more mommies are doing "Hey, mommy" orders.

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These Jeans are ready to party. We always knew that Subway served up sandwiches, but we didn't realize there was so much MUSTARD on them. In this episode we explore two entirely different locations with two very upset customers - each expressing their disappointment in a unique way. PLUS - Top Dog and Charo stopped by to do some line reads. We play you the whole thing. That and SO much more. Merry Xmas, Santa Jeans.

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This week, the mommies dive deep into the world of Orlando Brown, get festive for the Holidays with an amazing Instagram singer, discuss the weight loss competition and much much more!

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Diamonds on the crevice of your ??? I'll give you three guesses. We have so much to share with you! Get ready to pull 'em high and tight! This week we tickle some bodies with our new favorite Disney star, talk about Tom's time in West Palm Beach, and find out just how unparliamentary Elizabeth May can get when she's had a few drinks! Jeans up!!

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We love our brothers and sisters to the North, but there's one lady in Parliament who clearly isn't on board with the show - she's anti F-A-R-T! Please keep heckling her.

You think you know Tom and Tina, but have you met Karen and Bobby? They're here unless they're drinking or smoking or having sex. Plus an outrageous call with Top Dog and Charo and some amazing clips including one really cool lady who loves when guys spray their love on her (face). This episode is LOADED.

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Would you marry your mom? Really. That's so cool, cause like, me too. Kiss her for real. 

The Mommies moved this week and with a lot of help came a lot of stranger dumps. So many. 

Plus a really massive, fat lady will let you pay to watch her be gross. Master of Accents, Pup Play and a lot more. As always, Bert is so fat and it's being celebrated all over the world. 

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We did it, We locked down the guy who will call you a C**T to your face. That's right, Dan Pena is on the show! 

So fun to talk to the master of cursing in business. Dan was as fun as you might imagine. 

Plus the Jeans are not only fresh off their Bannismurfurney where they got a Couples Massage (yuck), Tina also claims disrupted relaxing time with a F-A-R-T. 

AND, seems that President Camacho is actually going to run the free world. Interesting times ahead!

Many Masterful Accents in this one!

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Even babies know the truth - Bert IS fat, but also our dear friend Burnt Chrystals has a new special coming to Showtime called The Machine and he goes by the name Bert Kreischer in it. Plus Tommy and Tina watched the movie, Shark Bites - you might like but it has one BIG flaw (same as the Martian with Matt Damon). 

There's a really white DJ who really feels comfortable with BIG WORDS and all kinds of accents to master in this one. Who is the Water Champ? Now we can all be with the NEW Water Champ shirt! Get one for Christmas or just to show everyone who H2Flow is in your house. 

Keep those jeans up!

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NO Loose jeans allowed here. We find the ultimate dad boner who relights the fire that only Garth can put out. Plus, Tommy AKA Tomaso speaks eh, de Espanish on TV, we have Would You Rather, Perfect Smiles and MORE!

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This week on YMH, Tom and Christina take a look at Christina's ex-boyfriend who know works as an insane deck hand, a couple of fighting brothers who desperately want you to look at them, and go in depth on Tom's most recent physical

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This week, the mommies watch a bunch of public service announcements, some hilarious, some horrible. They also get a translation for the Persian voicemail, which kicks us off to a journey into Christina's childhood. Wipe down!

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LaLaLaLaLAAAA! Can you sing? Good for you. This week our guest has a golden voice, twisted mind, and strong hands (Tom's ass found out the hard way). That's right, Brian Haner, who some of you know as Guitar Guy stops by the Mommy Dome to continue our love affair that began in South Africa. If that sounds confusing listen to the episode and solve the mystery! We have great conversation, Brian sings for us, and we even get to play Tom Or Black! This is the time to pull that denim up!

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Oh, Canada. Oh, Canada, you need more lyrics in your national anthem and PLEASE train your singers when they pipe out OUR national anthem or perhaps they will be decapitated on the ice? Maybe. Hit the high notes, sister! We recap a magical weekend in Portland and Seattle, a weekend that was all about that deep blue color that pumps thru our veins - denim. A special phone call with Joey Diaz unlike any other call you could ever imagine. Diaz, as always, inspires, bewilders, and makes us laugh until we nearly stroke out. BREAKING: We get the inside scoop on the fiasco that was Brendon Walsh's nearly-guest hosting The Tonight Show while Jay Leno was sick. All we can say is, Thank God Jay felt better before Walsh covered for him. 

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Can someone fit their D**K AND Balls into a woman at once? It's something we explore at length in this very special Friday release episode. If you haven't yet figured it out this episode is very much NSFW or for those of you that listen on speakers in public places - this audio will definitely lead to you getting fired or losing friends/family. If every one knows that you're bald then when you wear a wig we all know that's not your hair, Jason Alexander. Pretty girls will always be annoying if you allow them to be. When you ignore the stupidity that oozes out of their mouths you're helping them become more interesting. This is the secret to life. 

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Is it possible to prepare oneself for greatness? Try. This episode would be nominated for an Emmy if it were television. Is there a podcast equivalent? That may sound cocky, but we're mobsters over here! OHHHH! Tony Hinchcliffe gives us a gift. His mother, Joy/Gina joins us and answers questions about the life of a bookie. Sweet, petite and full of fire, Joy "It's Tuesday" the Bookie is not to be messed with. It's informative, hilarious and terrifying all at once. We also discuss Shakey Jeans, the Smith clan, and more, but it's all about Joy and you better be ready to pay up. 

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Hey yo, hey yo! Dawg, I'm sayin. It's real. This one is dope. We got new songs for dat booty. The Full Charge is here and he's got news: A new album has arrived! Be sure to scoop it! OMG Maria is back and she's got something to say when I propose that she quote porn for us. Where do the farts come from? We explore pretty girls and gritty dudes. This one is special cuz The Concierge is here and Maria drops it on us. We think you know who the MAIN Mommy is. Believe that!!!

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Happy Birthday, Lady America! Today Mommy United States pushed our country out of her HOO-hole! Set a sparkler on fire to celebrate! We happily welcome Ari "Bear Jew" Shaffir into the Mommy Dome. We talk exercise and how much we like/don't like doing it, embarassing moments on stage, how censoring curse words from your children is fucking stupid and also how adults who are offended by cursing are cunts. An impromptu Dick Detectives comes out of nowhere! Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut athletes addition! We tease the return of Casey "Where The Dudes At?" and more!

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Wuss goin on here? Public dicks. How many have you seen? We recap a lifetime of sightings and the way they have affected us. Not only has the OG Ryan Sickler graced us with his feast-like presence we also have Tinas cousin Juli in the Mommy Dome. We talk about drugs that hit ya in a way you didn’t expect (NOT GOOD). We go over different types of Punk music (anarcho, crust, awful, etc.) and how much Christina still hates UB40 (the world’s greatest band?). What do you know about Sister Nancy? Prison dudes love booty and more! Go ahead and bookmark this as one of your favorite episodes yet. Cut holes in your jeans.

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Matt Braunger is one of our tallest and most bestestest friends and we are more than smiling so hard that he's back, that our teeth might fall out of our heads. We talk about music, hip-hop lyrics, embracing what you like instead of saying what you hate! How about THAT? Yeah, we're adults. We talk weirdos at shows and ones that offer you their wives! HELLO! Matt talks about his recent trip to Korea and all the brown that followed. Matt reviews ANIMAL SONG and more. It's such a good episode you'll probably order new jeans online while you're listening. 

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Sometimes you have to listen closely to hear all the magic that's in the air (air that escapes from our butt). Luckily, we had a microphone to Tommy's butt on the Bertcast and we've got the audio ready for you. Lil Debbie is a wanna be ratchet girl who really talks like a valley girl, but who cares? We keeps it real. Charo tells us another cab driving story only this time it's in Spanish and English and Spanish and Spangrish. Top Dog gets on the horn to discuss the diagnosis that he's a sociopath and Super Maria is FIRED UP about a RUDE lady at, where else, Starbucks. Plus we read from GG Allin's diary. This episode really covers all your basic dietary needs. 

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Yoooooooo! We got some jammy jams for yo you know what. Plus we examine the age old question - "How loud is annoying when having an orgasm?" Yup, that's too much. We appreciate each and every one of you "Little Mommies" and this episode we show that appreciation by talking to one of you on the phone and giving a shout out to many more! It idn't Greazy or nuttin. Jeans Connection is no longer a mystery - we have it TRANSLATED! Plus TOP DOG is back with more Brown Talk, Murder and a whole lot more! You're gonna wanna stab someone in the chest with a fork and knife after this one!

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Make Fitness! It's essential to a long life and having big arms. We talkin 22's, son! Whatchu know bout that? Tommy and Tina are working hard at being champs even though it sucks. We FINALLY resolve the butthole icecube debacle and it's pretty ramsted. Plus you can suck your momma. But we have even bigger news and that is that BRACE is back! Yeah, more Brace philosophy, more Brace juice and we address the question you've all been wanting to ask - DID BRACE TAKE "COOKIN IT" FROM THE MOMMY DOME?????? You'll just have to listen to find out. Suck your momma!!

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You no speaky like you do before. Where you from? Ingrrand? It happens and it's real. Migraines can lead to Foreign Accent Syndrome. It'd be soooo much better if super square white guys woke up speaking like Antonio Cromartie. The mommies go back for more sushi and get the inside scoop on the family that shames them. The jeans talk about their weekends in Long Island and Austin, plus audio of a racist porn star, Dental Updates and more!

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This episode is uh, retarded (a retard). We play retarded clips (literally) - some FULL retard, some not. Christina shares stories of an Iowan tour and brings with her an interview with the one and only Chuy Bravo of Chelsea Lately fame! Tina also talks about the new beard she's been growing - HELLO, Gillette! Tom talks Tacoma and how he's one degree closer to getting Brace from Gigolos on the show. We explore some softcore porn and the Queen of late night skin flix, ZANE - DVR that sh*t! And of course, what you all want, More MARIA!! She shares her ABSURD Starbucks orders and more! Plus we tell you Why You're Single! Stop sharing so much! Your mommies love you! 

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These jeans need a wash. After a weeklong mini-tour of the South the mommies are back home and telling you how it all went down. Fast food and faster dumps. A pee latch for you car? Super fans and super douche bags - it's all out there. We talk about the joy of BBQ sauce and the horror of long drives and we even have to continue giving you that Jada Pinkett Knowledge, knaw meen? Twitter haters, we feel you. Your hate has hit home. Now please go find some love in your life. That's an order from your mother! We want to thank each and every one of you that came to our shows. May the denim be with you. And keep your feet off the dash, please. 

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You can survive on just air and sunlight and nothing else, but you'll die pretty quickly also. Tina makes a compelling argument for why she feels so strongly about being the MAIN Mommy - she HAS been farting on the show and put TURDS on the ground. Chuck Woolery listens to our show. We think. And he feels badly about being so GREEZY. Do you return the shopping cart to the store or do you leave it by your car like a jerkface? We revisit yelling when you're angry - it doesn't define who you are. It's human emotion, you f***ing f**k. Tina talks about her past City Connection love and Tom shares his brief experience with all that PWESSHAH! 

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The episode will teach you the two greatest things in life, "Never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut." If that sounds like some real mafioso stuff, well, it is. This has to be one of the most fascinating episodes we've ever done. Our guest is comedian, writer and son of mobster, Tony Hinchcliffe AKA Tony Marsco AKA Tony Nickels AKA Tony Tip Toes. You'd never guess it but Hinchcliffe grew up the son of a mob boss father and bookie mother. HOW DO YOU NEED MORE INFO AFTER THAT?? We also revisit Angel and more of her secrets, but mostly this episode is everything Organized Crime. Put on your pressed jeans for this one.

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Charge this shit to the game! Tommy and Tina deliver a Mother of an episode with sound bites, insight, perfect impressions, stories and more! Tom's recent appearance on the Joe Rogan Experience (Eps. 264) where Joe called into question Tom's (in)famous "black voice" is a hot topic! Tom defends his God-given skill and demonstrates how he can yell EXACTLY the way black people do! Last week we solved the "Oil/I/Eye on The Road" mystery and this week a screen grab puts an end to the "retard/retarded" dispute. Results and a new Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut. Plus Tom almost tells Sofia Vergara she can get it IN PERSON! How much are people into farts for real? Just listen and find out. Great Episode! 

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Nothing goes in Tina's booty - Well, lets just say NOT MUCH! Hehehehehehehe! We got a Chuck Ramsey update, wussup McDonald's?! What is Richmond, Virginia? Southern? Eastern? Full of murder? We talk about Nazi's AND Slavery. Whoa, that's pretty serious stuff in the Mommy Dome. Don't worry we're soon listening to retarded kids singing. Is that for them or us? Theo's back plus Would You Rather and more!

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If someone weighs 600 pounds and they want more food, give it to 'em! Extreme weigh gain has a profound impact on you physically and psychologically - and also on those who see you. If you're sick of being where you're at, listen to CT Fletcher spit encouragement. Tina loves to ride her BIKE! (BIKES!) and she wears her helmet like a good girl. If you ride a bike, please obey the rules of the road, fartknocker. Tommy is pushing hard to lease a LAMBO for business purposes. Will Tina approve of the deal??? The SHAHS are back on Bravo and we talk about episode 1 of the new season. We give our heartfelt advice to a Mommy in need and we update you on our Brown. Would You Rather and more. Wipe until you bleed!

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Nothing makes our jeans tighter than when a coach verbally abuses his players or the media. Another great man allowed himself to be recorded spittin fire at his team and we love it! We revisit Kai The Hitchhiker who just months ago saved someone from being killed - now HE is wanted for murder. Big BROWN Talk update, plus Old people are just OLD not stupid. We also get Tina's cousin, Sari on the line and reviewing movies (HINT: She's not impressed), a listener Dental Update and more! Hopefully our new tailor can modify our jeans so they can be worn higher. 

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Joe Bartnick is a man. The kind of man the you can easily imagine having his way with you. He is large and powerful and most likely stronger than you and capable of forcing you to do what he wants you to. Sorry if now you think Joe Bartnick is going to make you blow him. Joe is also a hilarious comic and a kind soul. Joe is a comics comic that loves to shoot the shit and talk shop which is exactly what we do with him. Bartnick has written for the roasts and tours with Lisa Lampanelli. We talk about fighting, teeth, touring and jail. Bartnick also has a new album out, Salute! -Available on iTunes and CDbaby. Joe confesses that he won't wear mommy jeans but he does own a nice pair of "Dad shoes."

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Get those jeans EXTRA tight if you plan on listening to this one! Your baby's grandfather AKA The Dutch Sommelier AKA The Full Charge, Matt Fulchiron is back from Puerto Rico and it's like he never left! Although Matt agrees that being Puerto Rican is like being Puerto Rican he also knows that the West Coast is the Best Coast and it's the best having him in the Mommy Dome. We talk about the horrors of sharing an NYC apartment, growing older, gagging while blowing (we tried it), more trigger songs and we even TRY to digest the BOSS. Plus we break down how bad early rap lyrics were. Keep em high!

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Your 2 dearest mothers welcome the lovely and hilarious Felicia Michaels into the Mommy Dome. We discuss what it's like to work with Joey Diaz on her podcast, Beauty and The Beast, what it was like to WIN Star Search, and Felicia weighs in on the "Oil in the road/I own the road" & "Retarded/Retard" debate! A speacial Labor Day edition of Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut, plus Real Talk and more! Hit yourself in the head with a claw hammer!!

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Oh jeans! Tommy is back from Toronto and as usual has high praises for his neighbors to the north. Oh Canada! And it's official, Tom's album, White Girls with Cornrows has dropped. They discuss their appreciation for those that have purchased it and the fun it is to do a project like this one on your own. Tom and Tina have a very special segment in which they answer listener questions - it's Get To Know Your Mommy - interrogation style! Plus a very special Top Dog call - just take a guess as to what the topic is. Would You Rather's are back and much more! Buckle Up (your jeans, that is)!

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Is Sum Ting Wong? Me no no? When news organizations air racially offensive names we're the ones that say, "Thank you. Can we have some more, please." Do you need mo' PWESSHAH? Also, if you don't crash planes then you don't get pranks like this pulled on you. Aunty FeeFee is back letting the lord speak thru her heart. Her pen hits the paper and some unoriginal song comes out of her mouth. A Very DEEP and gripping BROWN TALK that will leave you wiping for days (down, of course). NEW Real Talk and the mommies discuss possibly doing additional episodes in the near future. 

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Ian Bagg is now a U.S. citizen and we treat him accordingly. We discuss what's permissable to say as a comedian and whether comics should be held accountable for what they say on stage and the culture of today's clubs in general. Also, Indian people will rape you - in large numbers. Loud people on planes should be kicked off and fully investigated by our government, people who dress terribly have something in common with Michael Jordan and nothing in common Liberace - our HERO! Plus the Top Dog and Charo ep is now on sale! When you're Puerto Rican you're Puerto Rican

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ATTENTION all Jeans, we hope you can hear this! Sorry for the trouble with 107 - it wasn't me! (It wasn't Blueban either). Can a loving mommy have more than one pair of jeans? Jada-Pinkett Smith sure makes it sound like Big Willie Style has been doing his best to drop his D in as many extras as possible. We discuss whether or not we could tolerate Tina with all her Ricans and Tommy smashin road box. Tina updates you on her Russian teeth fillings and we bring back Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut with some modern day broads up against some throw-back ho's. Theo gets back on the mic and Would You Rather is at its best - real homerun scenarios. Jeans Out!

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This episode begins with a mommy meltdown in the mommy dome courtesy of Ustream, which nearly causes Tom to murder Blueban. Soon after, the jeans are back on and up! The mommies discuss a general disdain for Nancy Grace, their recent travel stories, a REAL TALK segment featuring gypsies, Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut, Would You Rather and much more! Oh Mommy!

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Every mother deserves to squirt. We give YOU the tools to make a flood in your bed, go for it! We revisit the F***ing Camp child who uses BIG WORDS sometimes, like, well, the worst racial slurs - it's amazing. Tommy recaps an anxiety filled weekend with Top Dog and Charo and you get to hear a tease from The Top Dog and Charo Special - they play Tom or Black and it's an instant denim classic. Bert Kreischer is on the phone talking about his dad masturbating and how he gives it to his wife, Lee Ann. Mrs. Kreischer lets us know that Bert is a less than desireable lover, but he bought her a new car so she's staying until 2014. Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut military movie edition style and more! Pour your mother a drink!

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The Mommy Dome happily welcomes Brendon Walsh, formerly of the group "InnDIgGnASHUN" which eventually became Boyz II Men. We discuss some of Brendon's well-known pranks, his spectaular dentals genes, and his love of his own B.O., and his boy band past. Nothing but good times on this epsisode which also features ALL-NEW TOP DOG audio. Wipe Down!

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What happens when a man that's been around sits down with you and just...starts talking? You open up in ways you never thought you would. This episode had some sort of plan before we started, but Greg Fitzsimmons AKA Fitzdog dropped a dime on us and we ended up being more vulnerable than ever before. This episode is your mommy's without their jeans - your naked mommies. Fitz really is hilarious and a fantastic guest/interviewer. This is one of the most engaging and interesting conversations we've ever had in the "Dome." Enjoy!

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Ryder Bones AKA Skyler Stone is in the building. We explore one of our favorite topics - crazy people! They're everywhere an often undiagnosed. Have fun out there! Skyler talks about his new movie, Walking with Dinosaurs and the show that got him started, CON. If you never saw it you missed out on the drive, dedication and manipulation that took Skyler from unknown to TV star in no time. Skyler's awesome voice inspires Tom and Christina to pursue voice over work themselves. Will they go for it? Plus, Dental Updates, Fill Her Up, an almost-Tom or Black and much more. Don't sleep on Mickey Streets!

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Don't worry - she's here! The MAIN MOMMY. Is it Tina or is it Tommy? Hmmmm. Discuss amongst yourselves. Is it true what Webster said, is there truly only ONE mommy??? These questions need answers. The jeans are back from Holiday and Tommy has the cough to prove it! Tina drops science and gas AGAIN. How long will she keep her streak alive? Tommy may incorporate some magic into a new act he's planning on doing in Vegas. Here an exclusive clip here! What in the hell is going on with Chuck Woolery? We dive deeper into his greazy ad copy and also play and ad that Tommy is in with some YMH alumni. Plus past guest Brent Weinbach has our favorite thing on the web ever - Gangsta Party Line. We encourage you to check it out and call the line. The best way to spend the holidays is away from your loved ones and that's REAL. 

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