Therapist Uncensored Podcast

The Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum is a model developed to describe attachment and neuroscience in the belly of cultural context. Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley summarize the 5 seasons so far and give a review of what they've learned. If you have ever wanted to understand attachment or keep up to date with the science, this podcast is packed with resources for you to learn and grown. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Today's episode dives into a specific form of healing relationships, Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). Co-host Sue Marriott talks with therapist Camille Scent about Sue Johnson's widely-respected treatment model. EFT is based on attachment science is a powerful tool in transforming even very difficult relationships.

What's the difference between the brain the mind and the body? Bioenergetic therapist Dr. Robert Coffman joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley for a conversation on body-focused therapy. Learn the interplay of our nervous system and how it relates to attachment and trauma. This is one of several episodes on somatically oriented therapies - see show notes www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

"Insight is the boobie-prize of therapy."  Lori Gottlieb & Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss Gottlieb's NYT best-seller, Maybe You Should Talk to Somebody. There are many misconceptions and stereotypes about therapy, and in today's episode get a fast take on how to best use the experience to get what you actually need.  "We're unreliable narrators of our own story. The parts we DON'T see are the ones that can help us the most." Full shownotes at www.therapistuncensored.com/podcast

Attachment science is one of the most empirically validated theories of human development and is considered by many to be biologically driven and universal. But how can psychological science developed by educated European scholars in the 50's not unintentionally have some implicit bias? Join us in re-examining our assumptions about healthy child development, maternal sensitivity and attachment "insecurity." It's an overdue awkward and highly imperfect conversation but exactly what we should be talking about today. More at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

A poignant story about isolation to connection. There is hope for us all - no matter your attachment history, there is hope for change with relationships. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP shares a specific case about an awkward goose named Felicity as another way of looking at change in attachment. Many people develop strategies to deal with stress that make them awkward in adulthood, don't lose hope! Dan Stern's paper is linked and recommended. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com

Is narcissism related more to preoccupation or a dismissing state of mind regarding attachment?  You may be surprised.  Learn more about the science of narcissism, abandonment and its relationship to attachment theory. Dr. Durvasula shares her deep study into these dynamics and her experience-based wisdom on working with those struggling with it as well as those in relationship to those who have high narcissistic tendencies. This is a supplemental episode to "Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities" series, and Dr. Ramani is a powerhouse clinician that can teach us a lot about these dynamics. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Attachment experts teach us how to boil down the essence of what heals humans. Learn more about trauma-informed parenting and therapy here. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

Can the past actually affect you today... that was years ago, no way how your mom treated you has anything to do with now, right? Decisively, wrong. Attachment science is the most researched psychological concepts and stands up to decades of study. However it has evolved and been fine-tuned around what is actually happening as we develop into the persons we become. Dr. Sroufe talks with Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP about his life's work as an attachment researcher - join us to get the skinny on what is true, and what we thought was true but is not. Find shownotes here www.therapistuncensored.com.

Learn what the most common request in couples therapy is and why it hides more than it reveals. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson expert guests.

Dive into hook up culture, locker room talk, and the modern shifts in youth sexual behavior and health.  Peggy Orenstein unpacks her new book “Boys and Sex” with co-host Ann Kelley. In this peak behind the curtain of the experience of young male sexuality, we’ll see how boys struggle with the conflicting needs of the conquest narrative of sex and their own internal understanding of pleasure and vulnerability. Her book was written about both cis and trans men, and covers the whole spectrum of sexual orientations, backgrounds, and experiences.

Last in a series on the various types of narcissism, borderline dynamics and taking a hard look at your part of difficult relationships. Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities is a 6 part series lead by Sue Marriott and Dr. Ann Kelley. Packed show notes and honest conversation gives you support to deepen your confidence in improving close relationships. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com.

Accusations are their confessions. In this episode learn why we elect, promote, excuse and love those with malignant narcissist tendencies. Sort out the other forms of self-involvement, psychopathology and anti-social traits from this dangerous personality structure. Sue & Ann finish out their series on Holding Your Own with Challenging Personality Traits - this is session 5 of 6. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com

When does sensitivity cross the line into clinical reactivity? Borderline traits, or those with highly reactive personalities, are another common challenge in relationship that we might need support to navigate well. Today's episode sees co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott unpack high reactivity through a caring and developmental approach. Together, they discuss how these dynamics and traits arise, what they look like, and what we can do when we find ourselves in relationships with them. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

When does self-consciousness and self-reflection cross the line into self-preoccupation? Covert narcissism is also called thin-skinned, vulnerale, depressed or closet narcissism. It's a real thing but unlike grandiosity, it's quite hard to spot!  Think about it - if you feel when you walk in a room everyone is looking at you - admiringly or judgmentally, either way - that is a narcissistic fantasy. Today's episode follows the other side of grandiosity. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Second in a series of staying secure in relationship to challenging personalities.

First in a series Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - this episode unpacks the 5 types of conflict in couples, conditions to develop security and cornerstones of what makes secure functioning couples secure. This sets up our later episodes on the various types of narcissism, misunderstood borderline relating, antisocial and malignant narcissism, unconscious defenses for everyone involved, suspected causes of high reactivity or impaired empathy, and a focus all along on what you can do to improve your circumstances - whatever that means for you. More...www.therapistuncensored.com.

Dr. Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP reach out to you directly during this time of crisis exhaustion and total burnout.  Love & connection cannot be stopped by fire, storm, guns or people in temporary power. Be a weapon of peace.

People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  :)  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security - learn more in today's episode. Bethany Saltman and Sue Marriott discuss the Strange Situation, the original attachment research by Mary Ainsworth. They bring to life what it means and how to see it in everyday life. more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

Love is not a soft feeling, it is "deep biology."  Oxytocin research pioneer Dr. Sue Carter joins co-host Sue Marriott to unravel the mystery of Sue's favorite neuropeptide.  You may have heard of oxytocin in the popular press, it's often called that "love drug." You'll hear that t's story is a bit more complicated than just that, as it also helps us protect and defend from intruders, and heals our body physically. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

What if you could get the benefits of therapeutic psychedelics without ingesting any drugs?!  Trey Ratcliff's new art creations, Machine Elves, may be just the direction for non-drug, mind-expanding experiences that can help us heal. In this concluding episode of Season 4, co-host Sue Marriott is joined by photographer, artist and consciousnesses-raiser Trey Ratcliff.  They dive right into the exotic world of mind-enhancing experiences, includes both psychedelics but also non-drug experiences that can bring the promising results that are emerging from carefully studied psychedelic research. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

Challenging children - is it us or them? The Nurtured Heart approach helps us connect with kids we call difficult that builds trust & understanding. Dr. Elizabeth Sylvester and Dr. Ann Kelley break down the recommended steps and share the fundamentals on how help with the challenge of being a parent and of being a kid. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com

Discover the 3-step community-based program that is has proven to be a powerful non-traditional model of mental health care delivery. In this episode, researcher and program director Dr. Ruth Verhey joins co-host Sue Marriott to discuss this community-based intervention, the Friendship Bench.  Together they explore the benefits and barriers to building a cutting edge community-driven approach to mental health.  By looking at what makes it effective, we can begin to explore what makes therapy effective in general and learn from the need to strip away the "extra" that may not add value to mental healthcare. Shownotes at https://therapistuncensored.com/tu127-friendship-bench.

Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS)... what is that, anyway?  Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott are back to discuss changes in the field of the attachment and the relational sciences. They share what they mean by modern attachment, review the science, and discuss their new Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS), a model to translate the cumulative and complex science so that those who would not otherwise have access (or understanding of) the material can benefit. They focus on clinical and real-life practical application. Learn more at Therapist Uncensored HTTP:www.therapistuncensored.com/podcast and get detailed show notes for this episode and many others there. Join their private online community at HTTP://www.patreon.com/therapistuncensored

Learn the cheat code to parenting in a pandemic with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne-Bryson.  We’re all struggling with some uncertainty and fear right now, and as a parent it can often be especially hard to know how to raise a child during the rise of Coronavirus. Join co-host Sue Marriott and expert guests Siegel and Payne-Bryson to unpack their new book The Power of Showing Up. In this episode they use interpersonal neurobiology to break down the science of attachment, and share what it means to show up. Applicable not just to those with children but in all relationships, their four legs of promoting secure attachment can change the way we relate to ourselves, and each other, for the better. Learn more about real-life application of IPNB and the relational sciences in general by visiting us at TherapistUncensored.com

Hip hop can be used as creative tool to resolve the deep need for self-expression and trauma in black and brown communities. Song writers in hip hop culture are some of the greatest writers of our generation, they can use in depth metaphor, satire, and word play to express widely shared feelings. This process literally gives a voice to experiences that are otherwise unexplainable and can be used to build community. Guests Dr. Eliot Gann and Dr. Raphael Travis show us the way. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

The violence enacted by the criminal justice system isn’t new, so what makes this moment feel so different? Dr. Raphael Travis joins co-host Ann Kelley to break down the now global protests against the murder of George Floyd. Together they explore the role of youth empowerment, coronavirus, and narrative storytelling in helping fuel the biggest social movement in decades.

When we think of ADHD, we often imagine a restless & figity child who loses focus rather than the grown up parent or partner these kids eventually become. It is a legit neurological condition - yet adults with ADHD or ADD often believe that they are forgetful, lazy, selfish & disorganized. Unfortunately sometimes so do their partners. This episode will help you apprecitate your unique gifts or value your distractable partner.

Learn to more effectively communicate in your quarantine bubble- (if you still have one). Stan Tatkin and Sue Marriott role-play effective and non-effective communication strategies and discuss defining the true purpose of having relationships at all.

Is this pandemic making your nervous system crunchy?   Find out how to use one of the Elliot and Brown's 3 pillars of healing attachment to cope during this society-wide emotional hotbox.  Using one of the three pillars of healing attachment, leveraging the power of mental imagery to gain security,  David explains how this practice can be beneficial during a time where we're looking for connection to regulate and heal.

It isn't a war between the genders, it's a war between those interested in freedom of individual expression and equality, and those wedded to and defending the patriarchal script.“I measure activism based on impact... .” - Liz PlankIn this episode, co-host Sue Marriott speaks with Liz Plank, one of the worlds most powerful and influential voices for gender and policy. Who is Liz Plank?Liz Plank is an award-winning journalist and senior producer at Vox Media. Her TedxTalk, How to Be a Man: A Woman's Guide inspired her first book, (https://amzn.to/3acOB8l) where she “offers a smart, insightful, and deeply-researched guide for what we're all going to do about toxic masculinity. For both women looking to guide the men in their lives and men who want to do better and just don’t know how.” Mediaite's Most Influential in New Media 50 Most Influential Women by Marie Claire Forbes' 30 Under 30 in Media Episode 119 Show Notes:Why do we need more storytelling around men?More progress regarding issues around domestic & sexual violence if men were more involved in the conversation. Human rights are not a finite resource and when there is more equality, the better it is for everyone. Open the conversation for men to talk about masculinity and what it means to be a man because they do not feel safe doing so. Having an empathic conversation about feminism that includes all genders, a movement that benefits the whole society. Rewriting Gender RolesThe lack of conversations regarding masculinity between men. Following gender roles based on societal pressures and family development. Exploring historical and cultural examples of how gender roles change and vary to give men permission to explore their identity. A shift in the younger generation being accepting of gender fluidity. What It Means To Be A ManIdentifying as a provider when many jobs traditionally done by men are disappearing or moving overseas. Starting to have the opportunity to have an identity outside of their career. Have both genders shoulder the emotional burden and do the work to heal. Narcissism & Toxic MasculinityThere is a higher percentage of narcissism in men. Have more female leadership represented in entertainment & media to provide an understanding of female complexity. EducationEncouraging curriculum that teaches anti-violence, anti-sexual assault, verbal consent, emotional intelligence, and interpersonal relationships. A universal understanding that we all experience similar emotions and social anxiety so we can all advocate for each other. Liz's Influence:Wanting to measure her activism based on impact. Wanting everyone to feel welcome to this conversation on masculinity and help men go through their emotional labor. Continue to open the conversation for men of influence to discuss masculinity openly. Masculinity Influence:Brad Pitt speaking openly about masculinity to give others permission to do the same. Tim Ferriss expressing that external performance is not where "success" is and inner work is the harder challenge but more important. Liz’s Recommendations: The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks (https://www.amazon.com/Will-Change-Men-Masculinity-Love/dp/0743456084) Thomas Page McBee (https://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Page-McBee/e/B00NDEXD5Y%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share) Wade Davis (https://wadeadavis.com/) Learn about and connect with Liz: (https://amzn.to/3acOB8l) TED Talk How to Be a Man, A Woman's Guide (https://youtu.be/9tNsNkzEzbw) Twitter (https://twitter.com/feministabulous) Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/lizplankofficial/) Web Series (http://www.elizabethplank.com/flipthescript) _____ Our course on Attachment and Neuroscience (https://courses.therapistuncensored.com/p/attachmentexplained) - It's Not Me It's My Amygdala, is now available to...

Throw out getting through this one on you own - autoregulation is for the birds right now. We need each others nervous system for mutual support through this sucker, here is how....

Get the latest from one of the worlds most renowned neuropsychiatrists working with interventions to heal trauma. Dr. Bruce Perry joins co-host Sue Marriott to discuss staging understanding and treatment intervention based on brain develop in a technique called the Neurosequential Model. Also, see our dense show notes for more! If you are interested in ACES, child advocacy, trauma, or therapy in general this is one you don't want to miss.

Are you a huge people-pleaser, conflict avoider, peace-keeper? Maybe you are just being nice, but if you are compelled to do it, driven, don't have much of a choice about it, there may be something deeper going on. If so, today's episode talks to you, friend. Freeze Appease Dissociate... Appease is Fawning in Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD)

30-Day Emotional Health Challenge Update

In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss their progress in their 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge.

If you haven’t joined us in the 30-Day Challenge, you can start today by CLICKING HERE! No sales no gimmicks, just support for you to change!

Positive, Humbling, and Frickin’ Hard

• Ann discuses the positive activation around sharing and discussing the 30-Day Emotional Health Challenge.
• Sue shares about the Challenge of the Emotional Health Challenge
•  A bit ambitious because it is a deeply held unconscious learning

Working on Changing Adaptations From Early Childhood

• The consensus in the Facebook group and among our Patrons is that we’re picking something that was an adaptation from our early life. It was important that we learn to do it, but it’s not necessarily helping us now.
• The problem is it was laid down in our bodies so early and really without conscious thought, so even just thinking about it doesn’t necessarily change it. Instead, we adapt to it, repress it, etc.
• This leads to a cycle of recognizing something, acknowledging that it isn’t working, and then repeating the behavior, which is induces shame.

Relief and Frustration

These behaviors are implicit (unconscious) not explicit (conscious), which makes them really hard to change.

The Process:

•  Community connection
•  Trying to teach ourselves to do something new
•  Picking one thing, not everything, with love, compassion, and curiosity
•  Examine the symptom or behavior that is no longer serving us
•  Just learning about it and becoming more aware
• Not trying to repress or change it
• Try something new and continue to learn
•  Are we resistant to changing? Reluctant to give up the old behavior? Etc

Adjusting the Emotional Health Goal

Sue discusses the zig-zag process of scaling her goal up and down based on her exploration process and how her thoughts about it changed after attending a conference with Bruce Eckert on Memory Reconsolidation. 

Two Particularly Helpful Takeaways From the Conference

• We can’t know our unconscious
• Sue tests out whether or not The Memory Reconsolidation Technique is something we can do alone
• Because the behavior is implicit, it comes from the unconscious, so there is no way to see it by ourselves.
• But we can still move it by being curious about our responses and what comes up in the feelings of threat.
• Seeing the effects of the implicit coming out in our explicit reactions and working to get more comfortable with it invites it in more.
• State Dependent Learning
• When we’re in a regulated state, we have access to all this great knowledge and learned information.
• As we get into a dysregulated state, the neural network shifts and it becomes a different learning. We really actually kind of lose contact for a moment with that more reflective stance. Especially if we come from a neglect or a trauma background or had tough things in life or had adversity.
• We have these learnings that are on their own neural network.

Neural Networks and Changing Symptomatic Behavior

• There are 2 different neural circuits, and the only way to change the symptomatic behavior is to access the other neural circuit.
• This has to do with activation, so we have to actually feel the feelings to improve emotional health.

How Do We know What’s Changing?

• It starts with the behavior starts with the symptom. In recognizing the symptom that you want to shift, you’ve gone much more internal and you’ve named one part of it.
• In exploring it, we are un-layering it, and we’re smack dab on our which is to to go deeper and shift to more of a sense of security inside of you.

Who doesn’t love special offers? Discounted course – It’s Not Me It’s My Amygdala! Advanced Course Connecting the Science(s) of the Mind to Interpersonal Relationships Our advanced course on attachment and relational neuroscience has been recently released and is now available (wahoo)! Since you are now deep into these shownotes, then you are one of us, use the code OURCLAN for an immediate discount for the course. This course is popular with clinicians (CE’s available!), all who are interested in deepening security in yourselves and your relationships are welcome to participate. 4 hours of curated content! CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION Dive in and get more involved – join us on Patreon!

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Maybe You Should Talk to Someone– A Therapist, HER Therapist and a Life Revealed, by Lori Gottlieb.

If you are looking for something to inspire you – make you laugh – tear up a bit and generally move towards being a better human this is the book we are recommending this month. Use the link above for a free audiobook!

 

LIKE this episode? Please please please leave us a review and rating on your podcast player. You also may enjoy these episodes related to emotional health:

TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness

TU88: 6 Steps to Increase Your Felt Sense of Security

TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It

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Nobody is perfect. Let us support you in doing something you KNOW you need to do but may not know how. For 30 days, choose ONE old habit you want to let go of, focus on understanding where it comes from, challenge tired old troublesome beliefs, risk learning something new and updating your old map. Change can look like: insight, more compassion, new behavior, it can be small or large, but it's gotta change. We discuss examples and tie this into the Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum and the colors you may lean toward to help you pick something.

"Yes means yes is the new no means no!" Often we doubt our gut instinct,  question our right to take up space in the world, and live governed by fear -especially when we've experienced trauma. Meet the Safety Team, a group of ordinary women doing extraordinary work teaching women how to build resiliency and re-claim their sense of agency.

Memory reconsolidation brings awareness to old maps and traumatic emotional learning and gives us a clean slate to build new learning pathways. Powerhouse clinicians Bruce Ecker & Tori Olds join co-host Sue Marriott in a discussion on the science behind this process and Coherence Theory, which brings these ideas to life. Be sure to see the shownotes for great articles and an excellent PDF brief on the subject.

It can be surprisingly hard to identify the reality that your spouse or best friend has serious narcissism - find out why! Are you lost in a narcissistic relationship? The term narcissism is easily tossed around, especially in this world of selfies. However if you are deeply connected to someone with the personality disorder narcissism it is a very real, painful and a seriously disruptive experience. It is also surprisingly difficult to identify when you are immersed in it, and difficult to disengage the pattern of supporting their world-view.  We break it down here!

In this episode of Therapist Uncensored, co-host Sue Marriott explores the intersection of Polyvagal Theory, neuroscience, and attachment with Deb Dana. We will investigate how the mind creates stories from information relayed by the nervous system, and how we can rewrite the script to move toward security.

One man's incredible story from unthinkable trauma to healing and recovery using non-Western approaches. Alphanso Appleton's story of civil war, Ebola and tragic loss will bring trauma are resilience into sharp focus - you will be moved by this young man's story.

Judgement says more about the judg-er than the judg-ee.  It's not Judgement = Bad.  It's Judgement = Interesting!! Everybody judges and in truth, we unconsciously evaluate good/bad all the time - both positively and negatively.  It's our brains appraisal system.  However unchecked it's also a very handy interpersonal defense.  Today we explore one aspect of insecure functioning, unchecked judgement and harsh self-criticism.

TU107: What is Somatic Experiencing With Guest Abi Blakeslee

Evidence-based treatment sounds good but it has nothing to do with deep life-changing work of psychoanalytically-oriented attachment therapies. Dr. Nancy McWilliams takes on the issue of insurance and other institutions trying to define your issue and the care you deserve. She also tackles trauma, narcissism and the training of therapists.

This season we will be unpacking both narcissism and borderline personality disorder over time. Today we delve into the range of the issue, the types and compassionately look at what is going on inside the person who needs this defense. Hint: it's about their need to develop a false self.

Candid and hilarious conversation about translating the relational sciences to work and parenting by a single listener ready to challenge the premise!

Curiosity - It's much more than a quest for knowledge, not as simple as it seems, & is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have!

Bonnie Badenoch discusses how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our lives using our autonomic nervous system.

We talk to Dr David Elliott about treatment for adults with attachment disruptions and much more! Check out the show notes for excellent resources!

We made it to our 100th episode! Here's a look at some of the favorite episodes of our listeners as well as our own over the last 3 seasons!