TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live

After failing to identify the slang used by today's youth, Andrew quizzes Luke on the lingo used on the TV show Dragnet. They also discuss the inaccurate news about Jared Leto "climbing" the Empire State Building.

Luke quizzes Andrew on some modern slang used by the youth of America. And Luke learns that the documentary he went to great lengths to watch this week had been free on YouTube the whole time.

Andrew is trying to get his dart game back on track, mostly by making Luke take over his TBTL responsibilities. Plus, cats apparently have over 300 facial expressions, even Dusty "The Cat Burglar" Cat.

Andrew has found an inelegant solution to an inelegant perspiration problem, while Luke continues to struggle with a similar issue. Also, Luke had dinner for the first time in a week last night, and it was good! And he finally re-watched the 1983 Seattle-based documentary Streetwise, and he's happy to report that it stands the test of time.

After 5 days of fasting, Luke is going to "do something out of hunger tonight: Eating." He also has an update on his problematic vacuum cleaner, and a listener helps uncover the long lost William S. Burroughs song of Luke's youth.

Luke has gotten a lot of advice about the broken vacuum cleaner that he tried to return to Costco last weekend. Could this advice fix the machine? We'll find out, on today's installment of TBTL! Plus, Jeff Bezos is moving to Florida, and Andrew thinks he knows why.

TBTL VP of Podcast Operations and T-Shirt Design Jon Sklaroff joins the show to share some of the merch ideas submitted by listeners. Plus, Andrew is anxious about a very big garbage collection day, and Luke is pondering a list of "Dad Rules" he recently received.

Luke has a new plan to lose a lot of weight quickly, before a big video gig. You're going to hate it, but that's okay! Plus, Seattle chef and TBTL friendo Thierry Rautereah, aka "The Chef in the Hat" has sadly passed away. And New Zealand's "Siren Clubs" are irritating neighbors by blasting Celene Dion at all hours.

Andrew is befuddled over a false memory involving Burt Reynolds and/or Tom Selleck and/or a chimpanzee and/or an orangutan. And Luke rubs up against the wrong person at a Halloween party. Literally.

Andrew checks in from his hometown of Cleveland, Ohio, where he learns some shocking news about a very formative Arby's location. Meanwhile, Luke had a very "stampy situation" at Costco this weekend, after which he has some regrets.

Andrew has a quasi-magical story about his grandpa's watch, and a story about a very obnoxious person in an airport security like. He and Luke also discuss whether it's good or bad to rake leaves off your lawn. And Luke is tempted to buy an expensive kitchen device that Andrew is warning him against.

Luke and Andrew are blown away when they discover what "60% chance of rain" actually means. They also discuss the distressing story (not skyjinx!) of an off-duty pilot trying to shut down a plane's engines mid-flight.

TBTL Secretary of Operations Jon Sklaroff joins the show to discuss some TBTL business, including a project that he hopes listeners can help with. Plus, Luke finally watched the HBO documentary about Larrimah, Australia, which casts his and Andrew's experience there in a new light.

Luke discovers someone from Andrew's past making waves in online communities. Plus, the music of Creed seems to be popular in more and more professional locker rooms, which is a twist nobody saw coming.

Andrew is testing out some new equipment today, but it's leading to a potentially awkward situation with his neighbor. Luke recalls the time he attempted a risky joke around Joel McHale and Seth MacFarlane. And they dive into some of the juiciest headlines that Entertainment Tonight has to offer.

Andrew is weirdly fascinated by Luke's recent pizza and soda decisions. Plus, the guy who created the world's hottest pepper just created an even hotter pepper, though we're not sure why.

Andrew went on a real journey today when he found out he is going to have to start paying for a service he's been using for years. Luke went on a much more emotional journey during a conversation with his dad. And Netflix is apparently going to start opening brick and mortar stores or restaurants or something?

Luke has a new workout regimen, and it's making his legs all wiggly. He and Andrew also discuss the proposal (by Amanda Knox, oddly) that couples should sleep on different sides of the bed every night.

Tens of Listeners have suggested tens of thousands of possible nicknames for Andrew. He and Luke go through them. Plus, United Airlines is introducing a new boarding system called "WILMA!"

Luke's Huskie fandom almost cost him a window this weekend. Andrew is felled by a random quote in a Seattle Times article. And a listener shares a fascinating story about something discovered in the wall of an old house.

Luke found some amazing old receipts from the 1930s inside the walls of his house. He's also landed on a pretty out-side-the-box solution for his new front door. It involves Etsy and old nautical supplies.

Luke is on the hunt for a new front door, and it's surprisingly difficult (and surprisingly very relevant to Andrew's interests.) Plus, everyone in France is freaking out about a bedbug infestation that might not really exist.

Luke had an amazing night last night, organizing his computer files and listening to old radio shows. Obviously, he's treading on Andrew's brand. Plus, it just got much more expensive for Mariners fans to watch games on television, and it's got a lot of people hoppin' mad, including Luke.

New has a new computer, and it came with slew of new sound effects, effectively ushering in a whole new sonic era for TBTL. Luke also assembled his new treadmill last night with much difficulty, only to discover that Nordictrack built a sneaky money-grab into the machine.

Luke is trying to assemble his new treadmill, but it's not going very well. He and Andrew also try to solve some NPR word puzzles, and Andrew's relationship with his new best friend, DartBot, is deepening.

Andrew has a new electronic friend who is going to change the course of his leisurely lifestyle. Plus, Luke is having some elevator issues in New York, but he found a secret hack.

Jon joins the show again today to regale Luke and Andrew with more stories of competitive eating and to explain the difference between an "eating contest" and a "food challenge." They also discuss which foods they personally think they could eat the most of, if there ever were a TBTL eating contest, which there probably won't be, but maybe someday.

Luke, Andrew and Jon gather around their various devices, waiting for today's big test of the Emergency Alert System. They also talk about Jon's experience in a wing-eating contest.

Luke is befuddled by the new Monday Night Football theme song. He's also got a new crock pot, and he's redefining the term "Pressure Cooking."

Luke had a sad sports weekend, but capped it off with a Macho Sunday. He and Andrew discuss a couple of interesting items from the "corrections" page of The Columbian newspaper, as well as an opinion piece that only serves to insult Martin Short, for some reason.

Andrew is bleary-eyed after a night at the ballpark, where he braced for the worst but got something better. Plus, another person fell down the poo hole of a pit toilet, leading some podcasters to ask, "do we need to start putting up signs that say 'Don't Climb Down The Poo Hole'?"

Luke and Andrew are both a little anxious about their upcoming doctors appointments. Plus, New York's hottest steakhouse isn't really a steakhouse after all. And a legendary "Hot Tub House" in Berkeley is up for sale.

Luke and Andrew discuss the mysterious fireworks display that exploded over Puget Sound a few weekends ago and the Seattle Times' investigation into it. They also pay tribute to the random episodes of television that Andrew once had on VHS tapes.

Andrew has been making mud in his kitchen, and he's excited to tell Luke about it. They also discuss Luke's latest TikTok obsession - a song about sitting.

Luke visited a different Eagles lodge recently, and his visit raised some concerns about his current status as a member of Eagle Aerie #1. He and Andrew also discuss the apparent end of the writers' strike and the relaxing of the dress code in the U.S. Senate.

Tens of listeners share their stories of pets gone missing, only to eventually be reunited…including one involving airport security and drama on a tarmac. Luke and Andrew also discuss the iPhone's reluctant switch to a universal charging cable and how increased numbers of dog owners are suspicious of canine vaccines.

Luke is feeling true Garbage Anxiety this morning, and Andrew is here to help. Or hurt. Plus, it looks like dynamic pricing is here to stay, which isn't great, but better than bartering.

Luke had a big scare and a big adventure involving his cat, Bubbles, yesterday. Plus, a reporter reveals that comedian Hasan Minhaj's stories are often made up, even though Hasan claims they are "emotional truths."

Luke has fallen into the greedy hands of unscrupulous money lenders, and he's trying to get himself free of their clutches. Plus, Andrew has some pretty strong opinions about self-serve soda stations, which may be going away at your local McDonald's

Luke wants to tell Andrew a story about moving Bubbles The Cat, but first they need to talk about everything else. Like, everything else you can possibly think of.

Luke had some reservations about his barber as soon as he sat in the chair yesterday. He and Andrew also discuss the fact that the Pike Place Fish Company is being sued for selling products with its own name on them.

Andrew tries to tell Luke about the Three's Company scandal that led to a thirty-year rift between its star actors. Luke discovers that he does a great impression of a classic TV character. And Miss Manners weighs-in on whether or not it's okay to stand up at non-rock 'n' roll performances.

Luke, Andrew and Jon consider a moral quandary involving dog poop, a garbage can, and a coffee shop in Portland. They also discuss some bad decisions made by bar patrons in Milwaukee, new theories on the JFK assassination, and an email that might have *looked* like it came from TBTL, but actually didn't.

Renting a car should not be difficult, but somehow Andrew turned it into the biggest drama of his summer. Also, Luke almost got hit by a bus today, and Bubbles the cat is in big trouble.

Luke and Andrew report back after the TBTL Summer Games to talk about Luke's brand new studio, Andrew's aversion to anti-baldness campaigns, and an ungodly "biohazard incident" on a Delta airlines flight.

Andrew tries desperately to remember a Gloria Estefan video of his youth, while Luke tries to recapture the excitement of his early days in radio. They also try to figure out who's who in the worlds of hip-hop and WWE wrestling as the TBTL Summer Games come to a close.

Andrew is on a Mediterranean diet, which just means he ate a bunch of hummus for lunch. He and Luke also try to solve a bible-related mystery that's been dogging Andrew for years. They also test their Spanish in a quiz based on the Tour de France as the TBTL Summer Games roll on.

Luke has become a Binocular Boy™ and is ready for everything that comes along with that title. Andrew decides to throw out the script for the TBTL Summer Games and try something wildly stupider instead.

Andrew met a bunch of neighbors over the weekend, including the TBTL listener he had been looking for! Luke apologizes for not being a better Instagram friend. And the TBTL Summer Games roll on with more movie mischief.

Luke gets swept up in a journalistic enterprise involving his former employer, Blimpy's Yogurt. He and Andrew also continue playing one of their favorite Summer Games based on their own bad descriptions of Hollywood Films.