TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live

Luke swings by the studios of Walsh, Walsh And Doormat, which Andrew hopes smells okay for him. Plus, the highest-paid state employee in Washington just lost his job over a vaccination mandate. And a listener calls in with a fascinating story about breaking the law and getting caught.

Luke and Andrew lick their wounds after a couple of devastating losses for their beloved football teams this weekend.

Luke and Andrew discuss the rules of self-checkout kiosks at the grocery store and why Andrew is now on the wrong side of the law. Plus, a pack of zebra are on the loose in Maryland, and one zealous TV reporter thinks this is the story that will make him famous.

Andrew confesses to some embarrassing Twitter-related action this morning. Luke can relate. Plus, why you should never ask to see the chef at a restaurant, and other TBTL advice.

Luke and Andrew discover "the worst video game ever created," which leads Andrew to a new obsession. Plus, is Stephen King out here just making up words like "orlesque"?

Luke's interview with a film director suffers some technical setbacks. Meanwhile, Andrew accidentally put on his Good Socks today, even though he didn't need to. And "Power Out Linda" sets the record straight regarding her role on TBTL.

Luke and Andrew are surprised to learn that a sixth iteration of Home Alone is coming to theaters, and that it features some of their favorite comedians. Plus, Paul McCartney continues to make headlines, this time by negging the Rolling Stones.

Luke and Andrew brace for the future after the Seahawks lost their game...and their quarterback. And the Browns suffer a painful, high-scoring loss to Justin Herbert's L.A. Chargers.

Luke stumbled on one of the weirdest, most fascinating stories about a rock band that he's ever heard. It involves "Fake Zombies." Plus, Paul McCartney says he didn't break up The Beatles.

A San Francisco sandwich shop is eliciting a lot of confusion with its latest commercial. Plus, Luke blew out his voice again last night, and Andrew's excited to see 4 Non-Blondes back in the headlines.

Andrew has jumped head-first into the surveillance game, and it's paying off. Sort of. Plus, Luke's awkward exchange in an elevator forces him to adopt a British accent from this day forward.

William Shatner is going to space, but he's still a jerk. And the results of this year's Fat Bear contest creates an uproar. And listener Dave mark's this year's Trucktober festivities with a special poem.

Andrew's adventures in plumbing go predictably sideways. Plus, Facebook, Instagram, and all their related products shut down for most of yesterday. Maybe that's a good thing?

Luke and Andrew say goodbye to a magical Mariner's season, and they recap this weekend's wins by the Seahawks and Browns (Sorry, Stu.)

Luke destroyed his voice this weekend rooting for his Seattle Mariners. But that doesn't stop a podcaster! Also, farewell Ozy Media, we hardly knew thee.

Luke's travelling up to Seattle this weekend to drink in that sweet Mariners playoff race energy. Plus, Netflix's new, wildly popular offering "Squid Game" is creating issues for a fellow who's phone number is used in the show.

Andrew receives a surprise email at the beginning of today's show. Plus, Mick Jagger chills at a little bar in North Carolina, and it's kind of charming as hell.

Luke and Andrew realize that they've been missing a BIG DETAIL in their ongoing Duck Painting Coverage. Plus, a Danish artist pockets a bunch of government cash and calls it art. And Eminem is opening a restaurant called "Mom's Spaghetti."

Luke and Andrew try to make sense of the Seahawks' 1-2 start after a loss to the Vikings. Meanwhile, the Cleveland defense almost murdered Chicago's rookie QB. And the Mariners continue to keep it interesting, with only 5 games left to play.

Luke and Andrew get an update on a mysterious duck painting, as well as a 40 million dollar conference call gone awry. Plus, a listener calls in with a story about getting a too-good-to-be-true deal on a kitchen appliance.

Luke is giving up coffee, at least for a week. Also, Alabama's leading boudoir photographer and barrel racer is upset that the state has confiscated his opossum named Donovan.

Luke stepped on a meatball, and then had a weird experience at the doctor's office. These are unrelated events.

Luke and Andrew go through the audio archives and play some long-forgotten TBTL intro tape. Plus, a YA author admits to compulsively sending made-up stories to Slate's advice columnist.

Andrew realizes he may need to see a men's health specialist before he can perform his duties at an upcoming wedding. Plus, Demi Adejuyigbe released his final (?) "September" video yesterday. And listeners share tales of dog poop vengeance gone wrong and chefs taking ostentatiously long bathroom breaks.

Luke spent the morning wearing a cowboy hat and yelling at the top of his lungs for a TV story. Meanwhile, MSNBC's Chris Hayes becomes TBTL's promotions department.

Luke and Andrew discuss the Seahawks' somewhat baffling loss to Tennessee yesterday and the Browns' ugly win over Houston.

Luke joins the show from Texas, where he endured a boat tour guide whose sense of humor was...confusing at best. Plus, Gillian Anderson is asked an awkward question after her big Emmy win last night, but she handled it with aplomb.

A surprise attendee at the trial of the year reminds Luke and Andrew of Lucille Bluth. Or maybe George Bluth? Or is he more like Steve Buscemi in 30 Rock? We'll figure it out. Plus, plant burglars are swiping valuable bonsai trees across the Twin Cities, and it's kind of heartbreaking

The people of Trinidad are not happy with Nicki Minaj's controversial claims about "her cousin's friend" who supposedly experienced unusually personal side-effects of the COVID vaccine shot.

Luke and Andrew remember comedian Norm MacDonald, who died much too soon. And an anonymous listener describes how they were taken-in by the same exact printer/toner scam that we talked about last week.

Luke and Andrew call-up Kiki Lolo, who has a big personal announcement to make (and some RomComs to recommend.) Plus, Nicki Minaj riles the internet with an anti-vax tweet that is...dubious at best.

The Seahawks and the Browns both looked very good in their season openers yesterday. Sadly, only one of them won. It's okay, though. It's going to be okay.

Luke spent the morning wrestling with some cockamamie app with a terrible name in order to attend a virtual conference. Speaking of meeting software, some people are developing "Zoom Dysmorphia" after seeing themselves on their own computer screens all day. Also, Andrew drops the ball on several jokes, not unlike Nick Chubb in yesterday's Browns game, which we WILL NOT talk about.

Luke and Andrew face off in classic talk radio fashion over the new Ray-Ban sunglasses with cameras built into them. Plus, the sirens outside Luke's window may be seriously impacting his broadcasting career.

Luke and Andrew listen to the Top Ten Happiest Songs Of All Time...as determined by neuroscientists.

The law finally caught up with a man who'd been running an overpriced printer cartridge scam for decades. And Luke and Andrew try to unlock the mysterious pricing schemes at a mall department store.

Andrew has some exciting new ideas for network TV shows, including "The Piano Man" and "The Pickle Jar Guy." He and Luke also pay homage to actor Mickael K. Williams, who died this weekend. Plus, in Top Stories: Music Edition, Guns 'n' Roses get the power pulled on them, ABBA is reuniting digitally (?), and Lil Uzi Vert's 24 million dollar diamond got ripped out of his forehead while crowd surfing (maybe).

Luke helps Andrew prepare for an upcoming wedding with some fashion and shopping advice. Plus, a listener is forced to do something nice at a drive-through window, and she is not happy about it.

Andrew goes on an emotional roller coaster ride with a traffic cop in Bellevue, Washington, while Luke walks a very thin negotiating tightrope with REI. Plus, we finally know what McDonalds' Grimace character is supposed to be. Or do we?

Luke is still in Portland, instead of Philadelphia, where he was supposed to be interviewing some iconic sports mascots. He explains the lawsuit that kept him home. Plus, the tennis player who keeps taking long bathroom breaks finally gets booed after pulling his stunt again. And a woman is in jail after trying to pass a fake vaccine card with a dumb spelling error.

Luke survived a cinematic action scene while trying to cross a bridge this morning. Plus, someone stole a dozen go-karts from Luke and Andrew's favorite family fun spot. And a "fake" high school scams its way onto ESPN.

David From The Basement is here to crown this year's official TBTL Song Of The Summer! Plus, listeners weigh-in on the great Dog Poop Debate of 2021. And a competitor at the French Open is accused of using bathroom breaks to cheat.

Luke found himself a little more nervous than expected at the Oregon State Fair this weekend, while Andrew had a pretty big scare of his own at home. Plus, Heggies Pizza just blew Luke's mind with a tiny bit of frozen pizza advice.

Luke and Andrew find themselves slightly obsessed with the Milk Crate Challenge and with a new Steve Harvey project. Plus, a kind stranger saves the day for Luke and his Covid vax card.

Andrew discovers that he might have been on the same football team as a now-famous NFL coach...who might have soaped his locker. Meanwhile, Luke is in a very hidden valley, tracking down the roots of ranch dressing…

Luke is on assignment in California, learning some fascinating things about search and rescue dogs! Plus, Andrew has some serious questions about a Seattle-area retirement community.

Luke and Andrew discuss their afternoon snacks, bad breath, and their own bad gum-chewing etiquette. They also talk about the somewhat troubling "click-bait-ification" of Netflix tiles.

Luke's day in traffic court almost hit a big snag, but then his dog Rudy saved the day. Plus, the Washington Post offers some good advice on how to remember people's names.

Andrew bought himself a Battery Daddy, and there ain't nothing wrong with that. But the slightly bigger news is that the new, self-selected host of Jeopardy! is already stepping down in disgrace, and the world is rejoicing.

Today's opening tape comes from Cassie Workman (@GhostCassie on TikTok)

Luke finds himself in traffic court, while Andrew finally beats The Oregon Trail game. Plus, a reporter for The Ringer discovers many more reasons why the new host of Jeopardy! was a bad pick...including the fact that he received almost $300K in PPP loans while he was employed as an executive producer.