TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live

Andrew has an update on his cats Professor Bananas and Theodore Murray, who packed-up their bindles and rand away from home last week. Plus, we hear the unvarnished, vocals-only isolated tracks of performers like Pitbull and The Weeknd. And Luke helps a listener with a home improvement/neighbor-relations issue.

Andrew is having a cat emergency this morning, and he doesn't know what to do. Luke is in Sacramento, where people are trying to get him to drink booze out of animal bones. Plus, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's latest scandal involves candy that melts in your mouth (not in your hand), and Luke decides his shirt needs a shower.

Luke is in Portland, where street performers are encroaching on his space and teenagers are doing crazy drugs in drop-top VWs. He and Andrew offer an update on the New Jersey house that's being haunted by a real-life "watcher", and Luke's 12-year-old nemesis tries to bury the hatchet.

Luke is thinking about carrying a picture of food around in his pocket, just like one of his golf heroes. Andrew advises against it. Plus, a woman takes on The Establishment in all the wrong ways, then apologizes for it. And we learn a thing or two about New Coke.

Luke and Andrew are mad at the internet today. They discuss yesterday's 24-hour hoax involving a Jon Lovitz and a younger woman. Plus, forget everything you thought you knew about selfie-rat and the three-eyed fish. They also help a listener with her childcare dilemma.

Luke responds to some tough-lovin' fan mail he received over the weekend. He and Andrew also discuss Kraft's sneaky way of changing it's mac & cheese recipe without raising the ire of the nation. And do we give cheers or jeers to Facebook for its emergency "safety checks"?

Luke joins the show from a hotel room in Chicago, where he shares with us the contents of his shame-filled garbage can. He and Andrew also discuss bathroom hand dryers, job interviews gone wrong, and a guy who got arrested for failing to return a VHS copy of "Freddy Got Fingered." Plus, Music For Your Weekend!

Luke and Andrew clearly have animals on the brain today (despite the fact that Andrew heartlessly forgot the name of his childhood pet.) They discuss L.A.'s famous mountain lion, P-22, who is accused of murdering a koala bear. They discuss a pig that stood trial and a man accused of loving a pig too much. They discuss a parrot in a witness protection program. And they discuss Andrew's friendship with a stuffed bear.

Luke and Andrew discuss first kisses, grocery store habits, and how to treat David Sedaris if you run into him in your imagination. Plus, the New York Times may have been duped by a PR scheme, and a listener wants to know how to handle her free coffee situation.

Luke has been researching the feud between Florida shock-jocks Bubba the Love Sponge and Mike "Cowhead" Calta. He and Andrew discuss that history. Plus, an elegantly-designed box has Andrew hoppin' mad, and two brothers go viral when they show up at a maternity ward bearing gifts for someone they do not know. Also, The StuBot calls-in with a ghost story of public radio proportions.

Luke shares his 17-point plan for happiness as it relates to bedding. An appliance in Andrew's new apartment is changing his life forever. Plus, the Internet ruins the name of an amazing floating laboratory, Twitter celebrates the anniversary of the first tweet, and the government is trying to get its hands on the money of a train-stealing folk hero. Also, an introduction to Maureen McGovern.

Luke and Andrew say a tearful farewell to StuBot and St. Paul (the city, not the saint, ya goofs). They piece together the previous night's St. Patrick's Day antics, which took place at the best Polish bar in America. Plus, Hulk Hogan vs Gawker and a crazy story about a boater who saved his own life (in part) by turning his t-shirt into a pair of pants.

Luke, Andrew and The StuBot play the best rap song ever to rise from the streets of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Also, Ted Cruz eats a heck of a lot of soup, and he's really into The Princess Bride. How does that make us feel, as a nation?

Day 3 of the great TBTL Midwest Adventure brings John Moe and the StuBot to the studio. Turns out, Andrew is ticking-off somebody at American Public Media, but we don't know whom. Plus, Donald Trump's butler finally speaks out, and Stu's investigative journalism is finally being recognized nationally.

It's Day 2 of TBTL's great St. Paul road trip, but Luke's failing vocal chords force the team to take some drastic measures. Topics include a fight over a Minneapolis street name, why airships don't get the credit (nor the comeback) they deserve, and a Chicago man arrested for scrambling people's cellphone signals.

Luke and Andrew meet-up in St. Paul, Minnesota, and record their show in the stately studios of American Public Media. They discuss Luke's health, which seems to be failing him at the worst possible moment, and their new-found love of skyways. Plus, Richard Simmons insists that he is not a prisoner in his own home, and we hear a listener's spooky ghost story.

Andrew picks the World's Worst Place to try and record his part of the show, and gets things off to a bad start with his new neighbors. Plus, TBTL says adios to Johnny Football, and The Most Interesting Man on Earth. Plus, OPP: Barking Dog Edition.

Andrew helps Luke cook-up some public radio beef with rival public radio hosts. They also announce the location of next week's St. Paul TBTL meetup. And they discuss a new internet phenomenon that literally almost made Luke vomit last night.

Luke and Andrew drive around Seattle in a Scion XD and discuss jokes, apologies, and Andrew's shoebox full of CDs.

Luke joins Andrew in a temporary studio in the Bay City of Seattle for the first face-to-face TBTL since last year. They debate the merits of a fake new dog device, and they listen to a TBTL commercial produced by listener Jason that may be the best thing since Tonight Pants.

Andrew has arrived safely in Seattle and regales Luke with stories of the road. Plus, an inspiring YouTube video from Latvia has prompted an unsurprising (yet disappointing) internet response. Alternative titles for today's show include: "A Flaming Bag of New York Times", "Pandora's Complaint", and "Birth of a Wooden Podcast."

Podwife (Carey) and Poddog (Rudy) stop by TBTL for a special Friday edition of the show. Featuring a questionable audio setup and lots of questions from the 10's of listeners about Luke and Carey's life.

Luke records the show by himself in Portland after missing an opportunity to get Jen Kirkman on as a guest. He reflects on losing his grind, Kanye's penchant for bit-torrenting, and if "Jerry" is the proper term for German Soldiers during WWII.

It's Andrew's last TBTL from the Koreatown neighborhood of Los Angeles. He and Luke discuss modern civility after Andrew has a run-in with a very angry woman at the grocery store deli counter. Luke, meanwhile, has had it to to HERE with new technology and has a new definition of "Life Lock."

Luke once did stand-up comedy in front of a crowd that intimidated the hell out of him. Somehow, his story reminds Andrew of the time he refused to help carry a casket at a funeral. They also discuss a man who crossed the alps like a goat and why dogs are making tennis a whole lot better in Brazil. Plus, Andrew has a new audio toy that is likely to change the face of TBTL forever.

TBTL's 2016 Oscar analysis mostly focuses on Andrew's weekend of ripping-up old poetry notebooks. He and Luke also discuss Chris Rock's performance and whether or not the broadcast should still include musical numbers. Plus, Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Leap Day (And Ja Rule), But Were Afraid To Ask.

Andrew is suddenly very stressed out about his big move to Seattle. Luke is also stressed out, but for a much more complicated reason. They discuss their anxieties in great detail. Plus, the long-awaited return of Email Frenzy and Music for your Weekend!

Andrew's Midwest travel plans are getting blocked by a bunch of chickens and turkeys. Luke feels like he's hit the bigtime now that he's a member of AAA. They also discuss the Damn, Daniel phenomenon and the worst online retailer ever.

Luke and Andrew both offer embarrassing stories of rage leading them astray. Plus, why PodDog is in the proverbial doghouse, why millennials don't eat cereal anymore, and some amazing new jingles for the TBTL phone line (206-414-TBTL)

Andrew tried scratch-off lotto tickets for the first time in his life this morning, so Luke offers him a primer in gambling. Plus, a teenager is in big trouble for a pretty harmless prank, and there's some discussion of the Adam Sandler classic, "Airheads."

Luke and Andrew discuss Transparent, The Revenant, and why Luke didn't get any sleep last night. Plus, Harper Lee led a surprisingly interesting quiet life, which leads Luke and Andrew to spend 10 American Pies trying to figure out what a Delmonico Steak is. Plus, we get our first TBTL Listener Line jingle!

Luke and Andrew come up with a hit new TV show called "So I Married An Ax Millionaire." They discuss that, Luke's surprise phone call, and Apple's refusal to help the FBI hack into a phone. Plus, a listener defends "Dazed and Confused", and we hear some "Music For Your Weekend!"

Luke helps Andrew with his future fitness needs and Andrew helps Luke deal with a post-celebratory hang over. They also discuss the stonedest long-distance runner around, and we hear what it sounds like when Luke beatboxes.

Andrew calls up Luke and reaches him in his Portland hotel room, where he's trying to learn how to sew. They discuss the intersection of Betsy Ross and Howell Raines, Luke's run-in with a fake Kardashian, and why Andrew keeps setting shoelaces on fire.

Luke is in Portland with a lot on his mind on the eve of his big LiveWire season opener. He's worried about his outfit, his belly, and his leaking basement back home. He and Andrew discuss these issues. Plus, a new study says Seasonal Affective Disorder isn't really a thing, and a couple of researchers want to get rid of time zones.

Luke just realized that he's working on a holiday, and he's not psyched about it. Meanwhile, Andrew has a new, nifty idea for TBTL that's got him jazzed. They also discuss the invention, rise, and fall of water beds and the new Game of Thrones trailer. Plus, a TBTL roadtrip is announced.

Luke and Andrew are deep into walkie-talkie culture, as evidenced by today's show. They discuss good nicknames for the open road, bike sharing, scooter stories, Kanye West's apparent turn for the worse, and the amazing story of a internet troll who's targeting a friendly internet dog reviewer. Plus, Music for your Weekend!

Luke and Andrew talk shoes, fashion, and other topics that are beyond them, including: How to handle Valentines Day when you hate Valentines Day, the O.J. Simpson trial, Baby Jessica, and why a California congressman was vaping on the floor of the House.

MSNBC's Chris Hayes went viral last night after introducing America to a new, tasty political candidate. He joins the show to explain what happened. Plus, food talk continues with a story of a McDonald's marketing ploy gone bad, and [HOT DOG STORY ALERT] Burger King introduces a new, tubular item to its menu with the help of Snoop Dogg. Also, Andrew tries out a new radio voice that you're going to find very unsettling.

Andrew's big announcement -- delayed by one day -- is finally revealed. Also, Luke tells the story of one of the most fascinating heists in recent years, and listeners explain why they disagree with us about Cam Newton.

Luke and Andrew discuss yesterday's Super Bowl commercials, whether or not it's okay to root against Cam Newton, and how it took a listener five years to finally listen to TBTL. There is also an amazing joke about Jason Bourne that will probably change the face of comedy forever.

Luke and Andrew deliver a true Friday show. Topics include: Standing in line at 7-11, license plate fonts (again), Luke's long-lost half-brother and a grandma he never got to meet, airplane food, Andrew's big Facebook mea culpa, sparkling water vs still water, microwaving fish and broccoli, and why we lost a listener this week. Plus, Music for Your Weekend!

Chris Hayes joins the show from New Hampshire, where primary voting is just days away and Jeb Bush is becoming more likable by the minute. Plus, Luke and Andrew discuss whether or not we should enjoy shows like "Serial" and "Making a Murderer".

Luke is high on life after organizing a bunch of cables in his studio, but he's also angry about a speeding ticket that a robot camera issued him. Andrew, meanwhile, has a new idea for the folks at Uber. He also met a guy who met Susan Sarandon once. And we continue our celebration of Groundhog Day with a rodent mystery.

Andrew has a list of famous groundhogs and he insists on sharing it, whether you like it or not. Luke, meanwhile, has a new reason not to exercise (but that doesn't mean he's going to stop.) Plus, the only tape of the very first Super Bowl has been discovered, but no one is allowed to see it, sell it, or do anything with it.

Luke and Andrew discuss why insane jealousy makes Luke want to be a lawyer and Andrew want to stare at blank walls all day. Plus, a new and improved highway sign font is being rescinded, and the internet is mad at a couple of dudes who want to make money from their web series.

Luke and Andrew discuss PETA's supposed plans to turn the Silence of the Lambs house into an "empathy museum". Plus, Andrew wants a 92-year old neighbor to play cards with, and Luke is going to have to stand in line to say hello to one of his famous co-workers.

Luke and Andrew spend a lot of time trying to come up with words based on official state abbreviations. They also discuss Luke's decision not to steal a joke, Russell Wilson's attempt at written romance, and the difference between being "aloof" and "confident."

The beef between flat-earth enthusiast / mid-level rapper B.O.B. and scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson just got a little bit hotter. Luke and Andrew review the latest diss track in the feud. Plus, a white actor has been hired to play Michael Jackson in an upcoming movie, and Frank Stallone isn't getting the respect he deserves.

Luke and Andrew discuss the fight between rapper B.O.B., who believes the earth is flat, and scientist Neil Degrasse Tyson, who is not crazy. Plus, Luke examines 7 signs that Andrew might be unlikable. And then there's the humble bragging. Oh, is there a lot of humble bragging in today's show.