Pillow Talks

There are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition!

We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm? Have you ever asked yourself why it seems so much easier for penis owners? We cover these hot topics and more as we dish the honest-to-goodness truth about the big O, and give you resources to help on your journey. And if you stick around to the very end, you’ll even get the answer to one of our more controversial questions - “Does Vanessa have an orgasm EVERY time she has sex?”.

Links & Resources:

Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business!

Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It)

Finishing School

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode77

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Do you want a higher sex drive? Bet you said, “yes!” without thinking twice. 74% of our Instagram audience did. Most of us feel self-conscious about how rarely we desire sex, and believe that we’re supposed to have a stronger libido.

But if you’re really honest with yourself, do you truly want more desire? Only 8% of our Instagram audience said they’d do whatever it takes to have a higher sex drive. And we’ve found that whenever we offer sex drive resources to our community, very few people actually use them. (This episode contains a fascinating sneak peek at one of the biggest flops in our business!)

So what’s going on here? In this episode, we dive deep into the sex drive disconnect so many of us are struggling with. We’ll bust some of the biggest - and most damaging - sex drive myths, and give you the honest truth about libido. You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of what you truly want, and a clear path on how to get there.

Links & Resources:

Rediscovering Desire

Sex Drive Types

Foreplay Guides

Next Level Intercourse

Butt Stuff

Better, Hotter, More

Episode 73: Do You Ever Owe Sex To Your Partner

Survivor’s Guide

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode76

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You love your partner, for better or worse, but there’s just that THING that gets under your skin.

Maybe it’s something they say all the time, maybe it’s a bad habit that they refuse to address, or something bigger like house duties.

Whatever it is, you just can’t seem to “get over it” and you have found yourself wondering, “Am I being unreasonable?”

We reached out to our Instagram audience for their biggest pet peeves and frustrations, and damn did you guys have some good ones! In this episode, we’ll help you uncover possible missing perspectives, give advice on how to move forward, and even validate some the worries because spoiler alert: so many of these are not as unreasonable as you would think!

Links & Resources:

Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of Themselves

Mental Load Workbook

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode75

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You come home after a long day, you see your partner, but you don’t say anything more than “hi” to each other. Something hilarious happened at lunch, but you don’t see the point in sharing it with your partner. You sit down to dinner, but have nothing to say to one another.

You find yourself thinking, “How did this happen? Is this normal? This can’t be what a relationship is supposed to be like…”

Well guess what? Not only has 90% of our Instagram audience admitted to growing apart in a relationship, but 1 in 3 of them are going through it right now.

Growing apart is so scary. You can’t understand how this happened, especially because you used to be so close. You wonder if you’ve already drifted too far to fix it. You’re afraid of the possibility of breaking up.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more alone with your partner than without, or if you miss them even when they are right next to you, then you HAVE to listen to this episode.

Links and Resources:

Check out our 30 Day Connection Challenge at Connection Challenge Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses?

Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often. 

Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the foundations of a relationship, and it’s understandable for partners to have needs. How can we honor what our partner wants, while also staying true to ourself and our boundaries?

Let us walk you through how to identify the real issue in all this gray area and some simple ways to tackle this touchy subject.

Links & Resources:

Sex Drive Type Initiation 101 Secret Libido (Sex Drive) Killers

Podcast Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode73

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever been having intercourse and thought to yourself, “Oh, this hurts, and not in a good way…”?

Research shows that a whopping 1 in 3 vulva owners said this happened to them the LAST time that they had intercourse. But sexual pain is something that is rarely discussed, leaving so many to suffer in silence.

Nobody deserves to feel pain during sex. While the source can be complicated, sometimes a few simple tweaks can make all the difference. Let us walk you though what you may be overlooking, so we can take you from groaning in pain to moaning in pleasure.

Links & Resources:

Be sure to pre-order our new book, Sex Talks, by going to sextalksbook.com

Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Guide: Next Level Intercourse

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode72

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You saw the question box. You dug deep and swung for the fences. Now buckle up, because it is our turn at bat and we are gonna get SPICY in this episode!

That’s right, it’s time for “Ask Us Anything”- extra spicy edition 🔥

On Instagram we asked you to challenge us with your most personal questions, and boy did you deliver! Our team gave us a list of questions, and we sat down to record without discussing any of our answers first.

We really go there, deep diving into our dating history, favorite positions, fantasies, burst ear drums, and more. It’s a roller coaster of emotions as we get vulnerable, admit some hard truths, and reveal some things we have never said to each other, much less on air.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode71

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Most couples believe that trying to get pregnant will be one of the sexiest, most intimate periods of their relationship. But if you don’t get pregnant right away, things can quickly take a turn - worrying that something is wrong, fear that it will never happen, the medical appointments, the pressure, the schedules…

With all that stress, it’s no wonder that your sex life can really suffer while trying to conceive.

Today we’re sharing 5 ways to protect your relationship during your TTC journey. It’s a heavy topic, but we’ll try to make you laugh along the way.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at birchliving.com/pillow 

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode70

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Xander is back in the hot seat today answering the tough questions... What do guys REALLY think about lingerie? Can they handle a woman who makes more money or has a higher sex drive? When it comes to breasts, do they care about size or symmetry? Nipple size or color?

We also polled the men in our Instagram community so we could take an even deeper look at the male psyche.

And we even talk about the two topics that have caused some serious issues in our relationship.

Don’t miss the laughter, the deep dives, and return of Xander’s dulcet tones serenading the podcast!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode69

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No, you’re not having deja vu… Butt Stuff is back!

We originally released a Butt Stuff episode almost a year ago, and it has consistently been one of our top 5 episodes. It has been so popular that we decided to turn it into a course… conveniently named Butt Stuff as well 🤣

In celebration, we decided to re-record a podcast episode with all of your most pressing questions. We cover everything in this episode! Hemorrhoids, hairy buttholes, safety, straight dudes being on the receiving end, and the one big fear that so many of us have… will there be poop?!

We know there’s some fear and anxiety surrounding the back door, because 72% of our Instagram audience said they’re intimidated by butt stuff. But with 67% admitting to still being curious, we decided to bust those myths and give you the facts so you can decide if anal play is worth a try. (Pssst! It is!)

Links & Resources:

👉 ⁠⁠Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)⁠ 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode68

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Definition of hot take: a quickly produced, strongly worded, and often deliberately provocative or sensational opinion or reaction. You guys are always asking us for our “hot takes” on some of the most divisive sex topics like threesomes, strip clubs, pegging, 69, and even the age old spit vs swallow debate, so we decided to put them all together in one episode!

We’re getting real and holding nothing back as we dish on over a dozen hot topics that you sent in. (Spoiler alert: we don’t agree on all of them!) Some of our answers may surprise you, but we promise you will be entertained.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode67

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’ve asked us over email, Instagram, YouTube, everything short of a carrier pigeon… How the heck did we get into the sex therapy business? And do we manage working and living together every day as a married couple? The time has come for us to share all the details about our business, from how we started to where we are now.

You’ll hear about it all… Vanessa floundering to figure out her path. Why we moved to Berlin. Xander’s identity crisis. Our most embarrassing moments, and plenty of business “fails.” We get vulnerable about the good, the bad, and the ugly of the journey that took us from corporate hell to living out our dreams together.

And stick around to the end to be the first to hear what’s coming next!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at BirchLiving.com/pillow

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode66

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s talk about the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing that you don’t bring up over drinks with friends. The thing that you don’t even admit to yourself if we are being honest.

Let’s talk about the shame surrounding sex.

Our Instagram audience tells us that 74% of us have experienced it in our lifetime, with 30% currently going through it. (But we’d bet real money that both of those numbers are much higher.) There are so many things that plague us when it comes to sex: body counts, sexual identities, doing things “the right way”, doing something too much or not enough or not at all.

It’s EXHAUSTING, but it doesn’t have to be!

Sex should be about pleasure and joy, freedom and exploration, certainly not about worry and regret. In this episode, we walk you through reprogramming the way you approach sex in your life, in 7 steps.

Links & Resources:

PDF Guide: 7 Steps to Deconstructing Sexual Shame

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode65

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you worried you’ve lost the spark in your relationship? We asked our Instagram audience, and the numbers were shocking! A whopping 91% said their relationship has gone through a Roommates Phase, and 46% said they’re in one right now.

So why does it seem like no one is talking about the Roommates Phase?

In this episode we do a deep dive into what the Roommates Phase means, and how to get out of it before it’s too late. Let us help you end the drought and get back that lovin’ feelin’!

(Psst - Xander even sings about it within the first four minutes of this episode…)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode64

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you ever find yourself feeling kinda… disappointed after intercourse with your partner?

Or worse, faking it just to “get it over with”?

Maybe you’ve tried talking to him about it and telling them you need more, but he got defensive and nothing changed.

This episode has been a long time coming! We hear SO many stories from our audience about how men just don’t prioritize female pleasure as much as they should.

There are a lot of reasons why there’s such a huge orgasm gap in male-female sex, so we break it down into 3 main categories, complete with real-life examples. (Including an example from our own relationship!)

We firmly believe that everyone who wants an orgasm, gets an orgasm. This episode will take you through, step-by-step, exactly to make sure that happens!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode63

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Are you sick of fighting about money in your relationship? Maybe you’ve even thought you and your partner are incompatible because of how differently you both think about spending and saving. Trust us, you’re not alone!

This episode is for you if you feel like you need to keep purchases a secret. Or maybe you’re just exasperated by how much money your partner spends. We know how easily that tension and resentment can build.

Today we’ll be addressing money issues within relationships advice column style — with real life stories and questions from our audience. As we help them troubleshoot, we’ll be giving easy to implement tips on approaching money issues in relationships.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode62

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Are you struggling to have a great sex life now that you’re a mom?

As women, we wear so many hats and have so many identities. We’re wives, girlfriends, daughters, sisters, friends, and mothers. But what happens when these identities feel like they’re in conflict with one another?

A whopping 91% of our Instagram followers said their sex life got harder after kids. We heard things like, “It’s hard to feel confident in my new body,” “Everyone always needs something, and I’m tired of giving,” and, “I’m just EXHAUSTED!”

In this episode, we’re here to give you practical tips to creating the sex life you deserve!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode61

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You read all the books, listen to all the podcast episodes, and do all the meditations and affirmations. But your partner won’t even read a dang Instagram caption!

What do you do if you value self-improvement and personal development, but your partner just can’t be bothered - or even flat-out refuses?

In today’s episode, we’re giving you the tips and tools to get your partner invested in becoming the best version of themselves.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode60

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode we’re diving into something that 74% of our audience have never done - roleplay!

Most people think that roleplaying feels awkward and uncomfortable. They worry about not knowing who to roleplay, not being able to get or stay in character, and generally embarrassing themselves.

But we think that roleplaying can be a whole lot of fun - and can even be a great way to feel more present in the bedroom!

So in today’s episode, we’re going to give you our step-by-step roadmap for easing into roleplaying, and discovering your confidence!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode59

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Today’s episode is about one of the most underrated sex acts that you’re probably not doing… mutual masturbation!

Even if your face is already beet red, we’re going to do our best to convince you why masturbation isn’t something you should do alone or in secret.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode58

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“Should I have to stop hanging out with my ex because my girlfriend said so?”

“Is it my husband’s job to say something to my rude in-laws?”

We’re answering these spicy questions and many more in today’s episode of Pillow Talks!

Most of us get annoyed by things our partner says or does — but is it their problem, or ours? Is it their responsibility to fix, or is it something we need to learn how to live with? Today we’re answering the question, “Is this your shit or mine?”

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode57

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every day we get DMs from women asking Xander what men REALLY think about everything from pubic hair to emotional intimacy.

We decided we had to devote an entire podcast episode to this topic, so we gathered your most common questions and concerns, and put Xander in the hot seat. We also asked the men in our Instagram audience for their feedback. We’re giving you an invaluable peek inside the hearts and minds of men all over the world.

Topics include:

• Cellulite
• How many sexual partners a woman has had
• Do men compare their partner to others?
• Vulvas (smell, look, taste)
• Giving oral sex

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode56

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love it or hate it, 69 is one of the most infamous sex acts. We just had to give it it’s own episode, especially since today is also 6/9.

We’re sharing how we really feel about 69, plus 6.9 amazing tips for having the most fun in this position. You also do not want to miss the hilarious stories our audience shared with us!

But that’s not all! It’s also the 1 year anniversary of the Pillow Talks Podcast! We asked you for your favorite moments and jokes from the year, and we’re sharing some of your answers. It’s a really fun walk down memory lane!

Links & Resources:

Online Courses & Guides

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode55

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We were WRONG.

Well, Vanessa was. She thought there was no way our last Ask Us Anything episode would be popular, but it ended up being one of our most listened-to episodes!

So we decided to do a Part 2 with more of the most asked and most interesting personal questions we’ve gotten.

We’re talking about:

• What we fight about
• What we won’t do sexually
• Vanessa’s ultra-personal therapy update
• What our families think about us being in the sex therapy business
• What we keep private from our Instagram audience

And so much more!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode54

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever read a romance novel or watched a sex scene and felt turned on by reading or seeing something kinda kinky that you’ve never even thought of doing in the bedroom before?

Maybe you like the sex you’re having now, but you’ve heard of some naughty things that make you a little…curious.

This episode is your introduction to kink: what it is, why you might want to experiment with it, and how to actually go about trying it in a safe, healthy way!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode53

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’re innocently folding the laundry, just minding your own business, when your partner comes up behind you, brushes your hair away from your ear and whispers “I want you. NOW.” They order you to take off your clothes. They push you down onto the bed, and ravage you from head to toe.

We’ve all had this fantasy, right? It’s SO sexy to think about your partner taking control.

But what is it about this control fantasy that’s so appealing?

You might be surprised to find out...

If you’ve ever wanted your (male) partner to take control in the bedroom, this episode is a must-listen!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode52

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Why should I have to flirt with my partner? We’ve been together forever!”

A lot of us in long-term relationships feel hesitant to flirt with our partner. It feels awkward, clunky, or just plain unnecessary.

But flirting is an amazing way to ignite that spark you once had and remind you of those exciting early days of your relationship.

Most importantly: flirting can make both of you feel SO good about the way you see each other.

We know it can feel daunting to flirt with your partner, especially if you’re out of practice or don’t consider yourself good at it, so we’re doing a whole episode on exactly how to flirt.

Even if you feel like flirting “isn’t for me” or doesn’t come naturally to you, we promise that this episode will boost your confidence and have you trying out some new techniques ASAP — and don’t blame us if things get a little sweeter (and spicier)! 😉

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode51

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You know that thing you really want to tell your partner but you just... don’t know how?

Maybe you’re nervous, you really don’t want to hurt their feelings, or it feels like the time is never right.

Well, you’re not alone!

Our Instagram audience hit us with alllll the things they wish they could tell their partner, and we’re giving them our best advice for how to keep it real while avoiding the dreaded “we need to talk” opener.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow

Check out the show notes: vmtherapy.com/episode50

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Squirting: is it real? Where does it come from? IS IT PEE?!

In this episode, we are doing a deep dive on the mystery of squirting: specifically what it is, why it happens, and how we all became so obsessed with it.

Join us for a very educational episode and learn why this topic gets Vanessa so fired up!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode49

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Can’t remember the last time you had sex?

Or maybe you remember the exact day and it’s been... too long.

It’s time to talk about one of the most-dreaded issues that comes up in relationships... DRY SPELLS!

You might find yourself wondering if there’s an end in sight. Has your relationship cooled off for good? When you do have sex again, is it going to be awkward or bad, leading to yet another dry spell? Or maybe you’re scaring yourself because you don’t even miss having sex at all!

Dry spells can send you to some really dark places, but we’re here to tell you: there is hope!

In this episode, we’re giving you five tips for combatting dry spells, no matter your circumstance.

We’re also talking about preventing this issue, so even if you’re not in a dry spell right now, you don’t want to miss this episode!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode48

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You’re having a steamy makeout session with your partner, things are getting hot and heavy and leading to sex, but your partner just can’t get or stay erect. (Or maybe their erection isn’t the problem, but their orgasm is.)

What does it mean??

For most women, we think the answer lies within ourselves. We’re not hot enough. We’re not experienced enough or lacking technique. Something is wrong with our body, not theirs.

What you THINK these performance issues mean vs. what they REALLY mean are two very different animals, so in today’s episode, we are going there.

Whether your partner has trouble getting and staying hard, orgasming too quickly/taking too long to orgasm, we’re talking about how these issues have affected us in our relationship and giving you all of our best tips for navigating them in (and out) of the moment.

And, spoiler alert, this episode turned into a mini therapy session for us!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode47

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If you’re like many people, hygiene seems pretty basic. Take a shower, brush your teeth, wear deodorant, what’s so hard about that?

So you may find yourself confused about why your partner can’t seem to take good care of themselves.

How can your partner expect you to want to kiss them, have sex with them, or even be attracted to them in the first place if they haven’t kept up basic hygiene habits?

In today’s episode, we’re tackling the topic you’ve been dying for us to address: your partner’s hygiene - or lack thereof.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode46

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Is squirting really just pee? Can pineapple make your vulva taste and smell sweet? What the heck is the deal with belly button sex??

We turned to Instagram to ask, “What’s something you’ve heard about sex and aren’t sure if it’s true?”

Some of these urban legends are funny, some of them are damaging and harmful, and some of them are actually true!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode45

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Do you find yourself wishing your partner would share more about their emotions, or at least just more details about how their day went?

If your partner never opens up to you, it can leave you feeling pretty damn lonely. You may even find yourself feeling suspicious about why they won’t share more with you.

In this episode, we’re giving you practical tips on how to get your partner to “open up”, once and for all.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode44

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Have you ever been in the middle of some HOT sex and all of a sudden you start thinking about something completely unrelated? Maybe you need to get a babysitter for next weekend or you totally forgot to send that email to your boss.

Regardless of what you’re distracted by, it can be so frustrating and you can end up feeling powerless to your thoughts. You may even feel self-judgment or shame that you’re not able to stay focused during sex.

In this episode we’re giving you lots of practical tools for how you (and your partner) can navigate distractions and stay more present during sex.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode43

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“Are we sexually compatible?” This haunting question comes up in the majority of relationships at some point. So what does it actually mean when it starts to feel like you’re not sexually compatible?? Is your relationship doomed?

The answer is - it depends! In this episode, we’re digging into sexual compatibility using an exciting new model Vanessa developed! Plus, we’ll even share our own “rankings” for how compatible (and incompatible) we are.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode42

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So how DID Xander propose? How often do we really have sex? You’re about to find out in this “ask us anything” style episode, where we answer your most frequently asked, burning questions.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode41

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What do you do when your partner initiates sex, but you’re not in the mood?

This can be one of the trickiest moments to navigate in a relationship. You might find yourself freezing up, worrying about hurting your partner, or even feeling irritated at them for initiating in the first place.

In this episode, we walk you through exactly what to do. You might even be surprised by our suggestions!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes: vmtherapy.com/episode40

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You wish your partner would do something thoughtful for you, and you definitely DON’T want to have to ask them to do it — because if you did, it wouldn’t really count as something thoughtful anymore! Right?!

This episode is the remedy for this all-too-common complaint. We’re giving you steps to take toward more intentional, joyful moments for both you and your partner.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode39

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There are two types of people: those who need to feel connected before having sex, and those that need to have sex in order to feel connected. In a cruel twist of fate, relationships typically have one of each type of person. This can lead to a stand-off situation that often manifests in long dry spells or straight up bad sex.

In this episode, we give our surprising (and perhaps controversial) answer to what comes first — emotional or physical connection, and talk about how to end the ‘stand-off’ once and for all.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode38

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One of the most frequent questions we get is, “Do you have kids?” Followed closely by “why don’t you have any?” While it hasn’t always been an easy journey, we’ve gotten to a place where we’re really comfortable and confident in our choice to be child-free. So today’s episode is all about how we got there!

We get deeply vulnerable and yes, tears were shed. We’re answering your burning questions and discussing how we decided to be child-free, the way we told our families and how they reacted, and the feelings that come up around knowing we won’t have children.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode37

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What do you do when your partner says something hurtful that you just can’t shake, even months or years later? Is it something you can grow and heal from or is it simply a deal breaker?

This advice-column style episode dives into the “grey area” of relationships. We’ll hear stories from members of our community who are sharing their most harrowing ‘can we come back from this?’ moments and give our best advice on how to move forward.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode36

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Has your partner ever done a task so poorly or asked you so many questions that you finally just said “fine, I’ll do it myself!”? This is called weaponized incompetence, and while your partner may not mean for it to be, it can be harmful in a relationship. In this episode we’re going to talk about how to identify weaponized incompetence, how it shows up in OUR relationship, and what to do if you or your partner are doing this.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode35

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We all want to feel desired, but so often in relationships we get into a place where it feels like one partner wants the other more.

If you’re the higher desire partner, you’re probably feeling lonely and scared - scared that your partner might not be into you, and scared that you’ll get rejected if you initiate any kind of sex or intimacy. In fact, you may even be withholding affection for fear of being turned down!

If you’re the lower desire partner, you might be feeling ashamed, like there’s something wrong with you. You may even be tempted to start giving your partner half-hearted sex or intimacy in an attempt to appease them.

Unfortunately, none of these techniques end up being very successful, and in fact tend to only reinforce the feeling of imbalance.

In this week's podcast episode, we show you how to unravel these painful dynamics.

Links & Resources:

Rediscovering Desire

Mental Load Workbook

Initiation 101 Masterclass

Check out our YouTube channel

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode34

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Full transparency: we didn’t know if we were going to release this episode. We’re talking about everything from how we processed the chaos that is the holidays to whether we upheld our “Holiday Classic” sex pact.

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode33

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This episode is all about making 2022 the best year of your relationship yet! Get our five favorite sustainable and actionable tips for making your relationship a priority next year.

Links & Resources:

The Sex Challenge 

Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Sex Position Playbook

Mental Load Workbook

Follow us on Instagram

Get on our email list

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode32

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Have you ever thought about opening up your relationship? Have WE ever thought about opening up our relationship? Some see it as a necessity to fully express their sexuality while others think it might be the perfect salve for a hurting relationship. One thing’s for sure, open relationships are subject to a lot of misconceptions. Tune in to find out what open relationships are all about, and find out if WE are taking the steps toward this relationship structure.

Links & Resources:

The Sex Challenge

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode31

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Having sex when there are guests around (or when you are a guest in someone's home) can be a major source of anxiety — but sometimes you just HAVE to do it! Today, we're going to walk you through how to respectfully, discreetly get down wherever you're spending the holidays.

Links & Resources:

Follow us on Instagram! We share so much behind the scenes content and you can participate in our Instagram polls for the podcast!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode30

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Attachment Style Theory looks at the ways we respond to other people based on the way we responded to our earliest relationships: our relationships with our parents. In this episode we're talking about what each style means for the people who have it, plus how the styles relate to each other.

Links & Resources:

Golden Rules of Communication

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at: vmtherapy.com/episode29

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Do you have a fantasy you've always wanted to explore? Maybe your partner does as well, but it doesn't 'match up' with yours. In this episode we're diving into a five step process for dealing with different fantasies in relationships.

Links & Resources:

Top 7 Fantasies PDF 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode28

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