LOVERS by Shan

This is a rare solo episode with just Shan behind the mic—no guests, no distractions. Just her, answering some of your most pressing, unfiltered questions. From personal reflections to deeper dives on topics you’ve been dying to hear her take on, this one’s intimate, insightful, and straight from the heart

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Are you ready to dive deep into the complexities of love, faith, and identity? In this thought-provoking episode, Shan Boodram sits down with B. Simone to discuss the transformative journey of embracing chastity, understanding soul ties, and exploring the nuances of identity and connection.
While B. Simone does not identify as demisexual, Shan suggests the possibility during their candid conversation, sparking an insightful dialogue about emotional intimacy and sexual attraction. This episode unpacks key topics like:
✨ What You’ll Learn:

• 
  Demisexuality: A sexual orientation where someone experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond.
• Soul Ties: A deep, often spiritual connection that binds two people, sometimes through shared experiences or intimacy.
• Chastity: A lifestyle or mindset of aligning one’s sexual behavior and thoughts with personal, moral, or spiritual values, which may or may not involve abstinence.
  
  

Together, Shan and B. Simone explore how devotion to faith, self-love, and personal growth can shape intimate relationships and redefine what it means to truly connect with others.
Whether you’re curious about demisexuality, seeking clarity on soul ties, or inspired by the intersection of spirituality and sexuality, this episode is packed with insights that will leave you reflecting on your own path to sacred love.
🎧 Tune in now, and don’t forget to subscribe for more episodes on love, relationships, and self-discovery!


Thank You B. Simone
https://www.instagram.com/thebsimone
Let’s Try This Again: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz67j2koC3urUkQirbvueCA
https://www.officialbsimone.com/


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Lovers Community
If you’re interested in joining the Lovers community, click here to join the waitlist:
https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

Thanks Arya for sponsoring this episode:
Arya is a service for couples that helps them break their sexual routine with the help of an intimacy concierge that serves up curated sexy scenes monthly to sign up or learn more go to
http://arya.fyi/shan

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Does a change in your intimate needs have to mean a change of heart? In this episode of Lovers Shan Boodram sits down with Karamo Brown, TV personality (Karama and Queer Eye), author, and culture expert, for a raw and revealing conversation about intimacy and growth. Karamo opens up about how his intimate needs evolved through his 20s, 30s, and 40s—both emotionally and in the bedroom. He shares how these changes led to the end of a past relationship, where his partner couldn’t accept his evolving needs without taking it personally.
Now, in a thriving new relationship, Karamo reveals how he’s learned to bring his partner along as he navigates these changes, fostering a deeper connection and understanding. This episode is packed with wisdom on embracing growth, improving communication, and honoring your needs without guilt.


Karamo Brown, Lovers and Friends Podcast, Lovers by Shan, Shan Boodram, intimacy in relationships, emotional intimacy, evolving needs in relationships, intimacy advice, relationship communication, breakups and growth, thriving relationships, intimacy in 20s 30s 40s, LGBTQ relationships, personal growth, gay relationship advice, sex and relationships

Thank You Karamo Brown
https://www.instagram.com/karamo
Learn About His TV Show: https://karamoshow.com/
Get His New Children’s Book: https://zandoprojects.com/books/i-am-okay-to-feel/

Thanks Arya for sponsoring this episode:
Arya is a service for couples that helps them break their sexual routine with the help of an intimacy concierge that serves up curated sexy scenes monthly to sign up or learn more go to
http://arya.fyi/shan


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Lovers Community
If you’re interested in joining the Lovers community, click here to join the waitlist:
https://www.loversbyshan.com/community

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Are You Loyal to Your Gender or Your Relationship? Shan Boodram sits down with Khadeen and Devale Ellis, the dynamic married duo known for their raw honesty, humor, and insights on love and relationships. Together, they share how they saved their marriage by breaking free from traditional gender roles and prioritizing their partnership above all else.
Khadeen and Devale Ellis are actors, content creators, and authors of the best-selling book We Over Me: The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want From Your Relationship. Known for their hit podcast Dead Ass and their viral YouTube channel chronicling their family life, the Ellises have inspired millions with their relatable and unfiltered take on marriage, parenting, and personal growth. In this episode the couple talks about the controversy over Devale’s vasectomy, being called a simp, making a plate for your husband, and putting your career on pause so the family can win. 


Thank You Khadeen and Devale
https://www.instagram.com/khadeeniam/
https://www.instagram.com/iamdevale/
Read or listen to their book: https://www.amazon.com/We-Over-Counterintuitive-Everything-Relationship/dp/0593577604


Thanks Arya for sponsoring this episode:
Arya is a service for couples that helps them break their sexual routine with the help of an intimacy concierge that serves up curated sexy scenes monthly to sign up or learn more go to
http://arya.fyi/shan

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Jessie Reyez joins the podcast to celebrate her new album, Paid in Memories and to dive into the complexities of boundaries and self-respect. Together, we unpack what it means to be labeled a "villain" (by both yourself and others) for setting boundaries and standing firm in your self-worth. Jessie shares her personal journey of choosing to stay single rather than settling for less in love, reflecting on the regret of taking too much accountability in her past relationship, and embracing her love language—having her alone time respected.

We also talk about her upcoming album, Paid in Memories, which promises to be a raw and powerful exploration of love, loss, and acceptance. Don’t miss this candid and inspiring conversation that’s all about choosing yourself, even when it’s hard because self-respect is never up for negotiation.


Thank You Bumble
 This episode of Lovers and Friends is presented by Bumble, where dating your way is always the right way. There’s a world where you can find love that works for you. So date now, on Bumble.


Thank You Jessie Reyez
https://www.instagram.com/jessiereyez/
Listen to Jessie’s latest music


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In this episode of Lovers and Friends, Shan Boodram sits down with Deepica Mutyala, founder of Live Tinted and a trailblazing entrepreneur, for an honest and empowering conversation about being single, thriving in your 30s, and preparing for the love and family you deserve. Deepica shares her journey of building a successful career while staying true to her dreams of finding the right partner and creating a family. Together, Shan and Deepica discuss the challenges of dating when you’re successful, the importance of not settling, and how to embrace being single as a time to grow, reflect, and prepare for the life you truly want. Whether you’re navigating the dating world, focusing on self-growth, or manifesting your dream relationship, this episode will leave you inspired and ready to take on love and life with intention.

Thank you Bumble
This episode of Lovers is presented by Bumble who encourages you to date your way. There is a world where you can date exactly who you want, however you want. So date now, on Bumble.

Thank you Deepica
https://www.instagram.com/deepica
Get Live Tinted
https://www.livetinted.com/

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Lovers Community
If you’re interested in joining the Lovers community click here to join the waitlist
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Lena Waithe on Cuddling Over Climaxing
In this episode of Lovers and Friends, Shan Boodram sits down with Emmy-winning writer, producer, and actress Lena Waithe (Queen & Slim, Master of None, The Chi) for an eye-opening conversation about intimacy, love, and meaningful connections. Lena shares why you should never have sex with someone unless you can imagine a positive aftermath for both of you. She dives into how cuddling can create a deeper emotional bond than sex, especially when the future of a relationship feels uncertain. Lena also opens up about the power of plutonic relationships, revealing why some of her most impactful connections today are non-romantic. With all of the rumors about her love life, Lena sets the record straight and shares what truly matters to her in building authentic connections. This episode will challenge your views on love, intimacy, and boundaries in ways you won’t want to miss!

Thank you Bumble
This episode of Lovers is presented by Bumble who encourages you to date your way. There is a world where you can date exactly who you want, however you want. So date now, on Bumble.

Thank you Lena
https://www.instagram.com/lenawaithe/
Legacy Talk Podcast
https://lemonada.lnk.to/LegacyTalkWithLenaWaithehs?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaZR0rgZOhMXnR_1HkQjiKfKa5_UUPHcXYlKFCmzjhKgXdje2qDlp8lbhmg_aem_wULmegwSQB8ct8zEmMkQfg

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What kind of relationship with sex do we want young people to have? In this episode myself and Tika Sumpter, known for her multifaceted career as an actor and creator, explore this question as parents and as people reparenting themselves. In this episode Tika shares her compelling personal story that shaped her approach to intimacy and education. Growing up in a Christian household, discussions about sex were often avoided or framed solely around negative consequences. This instilled fear and confusion about her own sexuality during her teenage years. In her twenties, Tika found herself navigating relationships without a clear understanding of her body or pleasure, often pretending to have a sexual IQ she hadn't yet developed. Therapy became a turning point, helping her reconnect with herself and embrace her sexual identity.

Now, as a mother, Tika is determined to break this cycle for her daughter. On this episode, she opens up about her journey and shares how she is redefining sex and intimacy education in her household. Her goal is to raise her daughter to be a sexually and relationally competent individual, equipped with the tools and knowledge Tika wishes she had earlier in life.

Tika is best known for her work on screen but did you know she also makes children’s content? She is the creator of The Adventures of Curious Cove, a podcast anchored by the beloved series Ella the Curious. This project reflects her passion for storytelling and education, making complex topics accessible and engaging for young audiences.

Thank you Bumble
This episode of Lovers is presented by Bumble who encourages you to date your way. There is a world where you can date exactly who you want, however you want. So date now, on Bumble.

Thank you Tika
Preorder Tika's upcoming book!
https://tinyurl.com/I-Got-It-From-My-Mama-Book
https://www.instagram.com/tikasumpter
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adventures-of-curiosity-cove/id1760587303

Age by Age Sexual Development Guide
As per Tika’s request…
loversbyshan.com/quizzes

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In this deeply personal episode presented by Bumble, singer Mario opens up about the profound impact of unresolved trauma stemming from his relationship with his mother. He shares how this pain shaped his early behavior towards women, leading to manipulation and broken connections. Mario takes us on his journey of self-reflection, healing, and ultimately embracing his inner feminine energy—a process that not only reshaped his relationships but also elevated his personal growth and artistry.

As Mario gets real about accountability, self-love, and the power of healing, he also introduces us to his latest album, "Glad You Came"—a soulful and vulnerable collection of music inspired by his life experiences and growth. Tune in for an honest, thought-provoking conversation that dives into the intersections of trauma, love, and creativity.

Don't miss this inspiring episode and be sure to check out Mario's new album, "Glad You Came," now streaming on all platforms!

Thank you Bumble
This episode of Lovers is presented by Bumble who encourages you to date your way. There is a world where you can date exactly who you want, however you want. So date now, on Bumble.

Thank you Mario
Instagram.com/marioworldwide 
Glad You Came, streaming everywhere you listen to music

Thank you Arya
A couples subscription service that helps you spice it up with the help of an intimacy concierge, an app and products delivered to your door
https://www.arya.fyi/shan

My class on MasterClass
If you’d like tangible tips for improving your relationship with sex AND your sex appeal. I HIGHLY recommend checking out my class on MasterClass the Art of Sex Appeal
masterclass.com/shan

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Beyond Pleasure: Three Keys to Truly Fulfilling Sex

Sex is at the intersection of life and humanity. For the majority of us, it’s how we got here and for parents, it’s how we will continue on after we are gone. We often hear the term “better” sex, which begs two questions: what does that mean? And, why is the sex we are currently having not good enough?

In this episode we will define the goal of sex - regardless of the stage of the relationship and we will also discuss what prevents us from having sex that lives up to our desired potential. I’m going to take you on a journey as we explore the three sexual freedoms. Starting with discussing the power of freedom to, which I think describes the stage that myself and my husband/ the creative director of this podcast, Jared Brady are in. Then freedom from, which I discuss with my friends Yancy and Premika Leo. Finally we will talk about the Freedom not to, which I explore with my Lovers Community.

Thank you Bumble
This episode of Lovers is presented by Bumble who encourages you to date your way. There is a world where you can date exactly who you want, however you want. So date now, on Bumble.

My class on MasterClass
If you’d like tangible tips for improving your relationship with sex AND your sex appeal. I HIGHLY recommend checking out my class on MasterClass the Art of Sex Appeal
masterclass.com/shan

Better Sex Quiz
If you want to know which freedom you should focus on in order to improve your sex life today, try this quiz
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/bettersex

Commitment Structure Quiz
If Shan and Jared’s conversation around open relationships intrigued you, take this quiz to identify your commitment structure
https://www.loversbyshan.com/resource/commitment

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Kerry Washington, you read right. Award-winning actor, director, producer, and activist Kerry Washington. In support of the second season of her hit show UnPrisoned on Hulu Onyx Collective, Kerry stopped by Lovers and Friends to discuss what she learned from Paige, how learning that her biological father was a sperm donor changed her family for the better, therapy with her parents and husband, how real parents should get with their kids, her parenting philosophy and more. If you loved Kerry Washington in any of her classics, like Scandal or Django Unchained OR if you read her book Thicker Than Water, you will LOVE UnPrisoned and furthermore, this raw interview on the power and potential that comes when you heal the family by not being afraid to hurt or disappoint one another. Of course I couldn’t have Kerry Washington stop by and NOT talk about sex, reproductive rights and pole dancing - so expect that too :). ALSO relationship expert and UnPrisoned creator Tracy McMillan stops by to discuss the power of intuition.


Watch the trailer to UnPrisoned

https://youtu.be/HIn14DY9eFA?si=2VxtEkm6V6_UT3kx


Watch UnPrisoned

https://www.hulu.com/series/unprisoned-5b48cecb-15b5-4e06-b475-f2ac5a64bd24


Follow Kerry Washington 

https://www.instagram.com/kerrywashington/?hl=en


Watch her YouTube Show Street You Grew Up On

https://youtu.be/Omh270yZLbU?si=Fof717hAfW9Fz8iA


Read her Memoir Thicker than Water

https://www.amazon.com/Thicker-than-Water-Kerry-Washington/dp/0316497398


Follow Tracy McMillan
https://www.instagram.com/tracymcmillan/


Thanks to Our Sponsors 


Hulu Onyx Collective


Follow Shan

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Kelly Rowland, you read right. This is a CAN NOT MISS, special release Lovers and Friends episode with Shan Boodram AND it is best experienced after you watch Mea Culpa now streaming worldwide on Netflix. In this intimate, first-of-its-kind conversation Kelly Rowland shares how she went from a sexually repressed upbringing to living up to her pleasure potential as a sensualist, plus how her sexual awakening gave her the confidence to play Mea in Mea Clupa alongside Trevante Rhodes, whom she shares very STEAMY sex scenes with on screen. Kelly also discusses her feelings on divorce, kink, toys in the bedroom, and overcoming the fear of being imperfect.

Watch the trailer to Mea Culpa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p0g9YfjJSA

Follow Kelly 
https://www.instagram.com/kellyrowland/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p0g9YfjJSA

Thanks to Our Sponsors 

DAME
Head to http://dame.com at dame.com and if you’d like to pick something up, my code SHANLOVERS gets you 15% off at checkout

ARYA 
Head to http://arya.fyi to learn how they’re helping couples break their sexual routine and if you’re interested in trying it code SHAN15 gets you 15% off now

Follow Shan
http://instagram.com/shanboodram

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Welcome to (some of) the best of Lovers and Friends the podcast. Hear from JESSIE REYES, MELISSA AND KEV OnSTAGE, ABBY DE LA ROSA, SHANOLA HAMPTON, TIM Chantrangsu aka DE LA GHETTO, DREW LOVE from THEY, RACHEL LINDSAY and GLO ATANMO during this special recap episode.


THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR

ONSEKIN
Go to http://oneskin.co and 15% off with code LOVERS15

GLO ATANMO
https://youtu.be/lbIaM09t0ZU?si=GtWZkCBspPlmUA8f
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1W4xrpdCh0V3OwXZCYt1bO?si=mJNj1rxcQ7a333AUmgsqMA

JESSIE REYES
https://youtu.be/7IbgI3-s7Ps?si=j0CL3b8gYqsNbqFe
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2w3jYgkVIgg2eQoYWuALhp?si=8q3ptyfKQbWn9FrrY3bZTA

MELISSA AND KEV
https://youtu.be/hrMVcujhg1A?si=idb7xnDq8TX1aBh_
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4NjXUyZ5suDL3ytxUALFV8?si=gg3B7zvfQnm5nS9XUpkyZA

ABBY DE LA ROSA
https://youtu.be/aq8290G52_I?si=oaI5d_ALvuj82z9V
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5AM2X8zNwmgV3koVtgemPC?si=pzqGDEw3QMCe8Awx9eFK7Q

SHANOLA HAMPTON
https://youtu.be/J7PZakvvdCo?si=LDSbtyjNTKuNmZ1u
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2pHr7jrSj7iQTZlsbIUoYV?si=-pk8WovdSbqLLyrXDrRpRg

TIM DE LA GHETTO
https://youtu.be/G6WYaHFOjEU?si=uDvI7cap3yCs0srq
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0VuY52Ct9XS9Wua4dtupO6?si=ZFMbJEQOQ56IuBADlxm8og

DREW LOVE
https://youtu.be/bdooXjRGprY?si=AG3KL1r-wAfeb8Gm
https://open.spotify.com/episode/39lGd7mxW9jvpGpOPYMKaj?si=ou8FILHeSGG7P21hCZwMog

RACHEL LINDSAY
https://youtu.be/bnEORZJD2pQ?si=LiHiZKFU1-_Cv8l6
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1kN3P1KoHI3LcnLNRgzY76?si=faUIGN4ATUaLvewVQ3AjCQ

HELP WHY CAN’T I ORGASM

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2X8oEJMQ8JNSu6Psa53r7O?si=wJMEWu6vTmGpia1waTZ0Sw

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FUCK the fairytale! How does that land on you? Does it make you go FUCK YES we need to be realistic about love OR does it make you go FUCK NO I desire the fairytale and that’s what I’ll get. Well when dating coach Damona Hoffman suggests you F the Fairytale, she kinda wants you to feel both. Tired of the same old dating game and ready to find real, lasting love? Join us in this episode of FUCK the Fairytale as we explore what a true fairytale relationship looks like with expert dating coach Damona Hoffman. We’ll challenge outdated ideas of the ideal partner and redefine what happiness looks like in modern relationships. Don’t miss your chance to discover true love - watch now!

FOLLOW DAMONA HOFFMAN
https://www.instagram.com/damonahoffman/
https://damonahoffman.com/

 Ritual
Visit http://ritual.com/LOVERS to start Ritual or add Synbiotic+ to your subscription today. Ritual is offering Lovers and Friends 30% off during your first month. 

BetterHelp
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HelloFresh
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Quince 
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Damona

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Are you ready to break free from outdated social norms and discover the real power of being true to yourself? Mal Wright from Netflix's The Ultimatum is here to share her story of why she chose to end her engagement, why gender has no place in sex, and the one thing her next partner must have. Don't miss this inspiring story and get ready to experience the liberating effects of embracing your true self! 

Follow Mal 
https://www.instagram.com/igobymal/
https://malwright.komi.io/

Thanks to Our Sponsors

Dipsea
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BABBEL
Get 55% off at http://Babbel.com/LOVERS

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Follow Shan
http://instagram.com/shanboodram
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Are you curious why Vanessa and Xander, a happily married couple, chose not to have children? Find out by joining therapist Vanessa and her husband Xander as they share their personal story about why they chose to remain childfree. Tune in to learn more about their unconventional decision and how it has impacted their lives!

Follow Vanessa and Xander Marin
https://sextalksbook.com/
https://vmtherapy.com/

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StoryWorth
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Becoming a Pro: Master These Kama Sutra Sex Moves and Take Things to the Next Level. Spend some quality time with Seema Anand as she guides you through the Kama Sutra to discover the perfect positions for your pleasure even if the penis is too big, too small, or not experienced enough. From beginner-friendly poses to more advanced options, you'll learn something new no matter your level. So if you haven't found your go-to position yet, tune in now and explore with Seema!

Seema Anand is a London-based story-teller, mythologist, and narrative practitioner, known for her expertise in the field of ancient Asian narratives and their relevance in contemporary times. She is particularly well-recognized for her works in bringing to light the narratives surrounding female sexuality and empowerment that are deeply embedded in ancient texts, including the Kama Sutra.

She has also authored several books where she delves into narratives of love, desire, and female beauty from an Asian perspective, enabling a deeper understanding and appreciation of these age-old philosophies.

Seema holds a PhD in Narrative practices, positioning her as an authority in her field, which allows her to skillfully weave the ancient wisdom with modern narratives to foster understanding and empathy in today's society.

Follow Seema
https://www.instagram.com/seemaanandstorytelling/?hl=en
https://linktr.ee/seemaanandstorytelling

Thanks to our Sponsors

SKIMS
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BetterHelp
Visit http://BetterHelp.com/lovers today to get 10% off your first month. 

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp
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Today, we're joined by renowned guests from the popular podcast "Tonight's Conversation Podcast" – Ace Metaphor, Kita Rose, and Just Mike The Poet. This podcast is renowned for bringing together social media personalities, relationship experts, and therapists to explore themes related to love, dating, and relationships. Our discussion today centers on the dynamics of relationships, specifically focusing on the contrasting preferences of men and women in intimate settings. Additionally, we'll delve into a provocative topic: the impact of masturbation on one's sexual desire towards their partner.

FOLLOW Tonight's Conversation
https://www.instagram.com/tonightsconversation/
https://linktr.ee/tonightsconversationcards

ACE: https://www.instagram.com/acemetaphor/
KITA: https://www.instagram.com/kitarose_/?hl=en
MIKE: https://tonightsconversation.vhx.tv/videos/tc-date-night-s1-e8

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Dipsea

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Ritual is offering my listeners 30% off during your first month. Visit http://ritual.com/LOVERS to start Ritual or add Synbiotic+ to your subscription today

Lume

As a special offer for listeners of Lovers and Friends, new customers get $5 off Lume’s Starter Pack with our exclusive code and link. And for a limited time, returning customers can get $5 off their next purchase of $30 or more, too! Use code LOVERS at http://LumeDeodorant.com

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This episode is where raw opinions and humor collide! In this series, I sit down with James and Fuhad, the dynamic duo behind the top 5 Spotify podcast, ShxtsNGigs. Known for their unapologetically honest and often hilarious takes, these best friends have become a sensation among Gen Z audiences in the UK. Today we talk about what makes them different in a world of podcast about Sex/Relationships. 

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Are you young and attracted to mature men? Many younger women are dating older men, but is it really worth it? Anna Akana was in her twenties when she had a public relationship with Ray Williams Johnson, and she's here to tell us why it was a huge mistake. Hear her story plus the joys of dating older men today. Learn why Anna thinks women younger than 25 should be warned about the possible repercussions before taking the plunge. Plus, find out why she's so happy now that she's dating a man in his sixties, another in his fifties, and even one woman in her forties! Dive into this episode now if you're interested in learning more about what it's like to date an older partner.

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Do you want to understand hormones better? Dr. Jolene Brighten is here to demystify the power of hormones and how they can affect fertility, sex drive, ADHD, how long it takes to orgasm, and period pain. Tune in as she explains what hormones are, their function and role in our bodies, plus how they can be managed for improved health and wellness. Learn from the experts! Don't miss out on this insightful educational experience with Dr. Jolene Brighten.

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Are you struggling to understand what real self love looks like? Do you find yourself getting hurt or blinded by pain and not being able to move forward? In this special video, Shan Boodram will answer your questions on how to heal from hurt and cultivate a deeper sense of self love. Get ready for some never before heard revelations with some timeless gems - it’s time to discover the key to unlocking true peace and freedom. Tune in now and learn how real self love can free you from pain and hurt by embracing the nature of those very things.

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Get an in-depth and candid look into the fascinating 40-year marriage of my parents, and see how their dynamic can shed light on the relationship of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. I'm interviewing my parents to ask the questions we all want answered when it comes to a long-term relationship going through myriad ups and downs inclduing breakups, dating others, and going through social shame for staying through it all. Why is it still worth fighting for? Jada Pinkett Smith talks about this question in her new memoir, Worthy.

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Are you struggling with the fear of commitment? Feeling like there’s something wrong with you because all of your relationships have ended shortly after the honeymoon phase? You're not alone! Join Brenden Durell as he talks about his own experiences with the fear of commitment and how he learned to address it. In this video, Brenden will be opening up about why he never stayed past the honeymoon phase and how to combat the fear of commitment. It's time to give love another chance!

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How do we fix our desire for relationships with people that will inevitably become broken. And how do we stop ourselves from aligning healthy with boring? That’s what we’re talking about on this episode of Lovers and Friends. 

Attraction, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, is a complex process. It can be influenced by numerous factors, from biology to personal history. If someone finds themselves repeatedly attracted to individuals with certain undesirable characteristics (like the makeup of a fuckboy: charismatic but not reliable, fun to be around but not fun to be apart from because communication is not stable or when out of sight they’re unpredictable, they make big plans but don’t consistently make the small actions to move towards that goal especially when it comes to you, etc…), understanding the underlying causes and taking conscious steps to modify patterns of attraction can be beneficial. Here's a scientific, step-by-step approach:

Self-awareness and reflection 
Next, Examine past patterns
Understand the biology
Cognitive-behavioral techniques 
Increase self-worth
Expand your social circle
Educate yourself
Avoid idealization
practice mindfulness

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Extras in this episode The Art of Manipulation: Influence Human Behavior, Understand the Psychology of Manipulation, Effectively Manage People, and Get What You (Really) Want!  Follow Shan:

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Have you ever been told that relationships require hard work? Well, it's time for a reality check with therapist Nina Westbrook who is married to NBA All Star Russel Westbrook! Nina shares their experiences and insights on relationships and even addresses people who say that Russel could do better than her- her response will inspire you.


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EXTRAS
in this episode I reference Naval Ravikant
And used a clip from Esther Perel’s videos https://youtu.be/ejTBjX4Cu6Y?si=uy7tyOEeYAZnxs5Q

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Here’s what men don't tell you about how to be a better intimate partner…How do you get your man to go from bland to blazing in bed? Why should men stop watching porn? How do you encourage your man to ask for what he wants in bed? Are you missing out on pleasure by not using breathwork? Alex Grendi is a certified men’s sex coach who specializes in performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction. He’s here to talk about the importance of asking for what you want in the bedroom AND the struggle (especially for men) of figuring out what that REALLY is. Some of you have mentioned that you like the longer solo interview episodes and that’s what this is. 

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The Kama Sutra, a renowned ancient Indian Sanskrit text, often perceived as a guide to sexual positions and techniques, is in fact a comprehensive guide to virtuous and gracious living. Written between 400 BCE and 200 CE by a sage named Vatsyayana, this text covers various aspects of life, including family, relationships, and personal conduct, amongst others. The Kama Sutra is a profound ancient text that offers wisdom not only on intimacy but on many facets of life. Its holistic approach to love and relationships makes it a rich resource for understanding ancient Indian society's perspectives on love, life, and morality. By exploring it in depth, you may find a plethora of wisdom that goes beyond the bedroom and offers insights into a virtuous and gracious life.

On this episode we have Seema Anand guides us through what we missed while looking at the pictures of sex positions in the kama Sutra. Seema Anand is a London-based story-teller, mythologist, and narrative practitioner, known for her expertise in the field of ancient Asian narratives and their relevance in contemporary times. She is particularly well-recognized for her works in bringing to light the narratives surrounding female sexuality and empowerment that are deeply embedded in ancient texts, including the Kama Sutra.

She has also authored several books where she delves into narratives of love, desire, and female beauty from an Asian perspective, enabling a deeper understanding and appreciation of these age-old philosophies.
Seema holds a PhD in Narrative practices, positioning her as an authority in her field, which allows her to skilfully weave the ancient wisdom with modern narratives to foster understanding and empathy in today's society.

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This week I needed some breathing room so I brought in my ventilator aka husband Jared Brady.

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What does it take to get you in the mood? Maybe like some it’s strawberries and silk. Or maybe like many others, it’s a little more … nuanced than that. Jonathan Singletary and my husband Jared Brady teamed up to make a sexy song devoted to the women who do a lot and consequently, need a little more to get…there. When it comes to being horny aka getting in the mood, this conversation is often about what you can do to get there, but in this episode we go into what has to first be done, OR in some cases undone for it to become feasible for all parties. Getting horny seems simple when we look at it through a Super Bad lens, but when we insert real people with real lives we can appreciate this complex process that relies on an interplay of neurological, hormonal, emotional, and physiological cooperation.


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Finding the one is a life quest, one that many people never complete.
Some people don’t pick anyone, some people pick the wrong one, and some give up hope looking for the one and start considering the two, three, four or five…
There’s no shame in this, especially when you both acknowledge this choice not to settle, but to secure the future you want by selecting a partner who may not tick all of your boxes, but you know that in time and when you’re both ready to make a mutual commitment - you just might be able make it work with them. This acknowledgement that I’m talking about often comes in the form of a marriage pact. A marriage pact is an agreement made by two people that states that if we are both still single by a certain due date, we will marry each other. People make these pacts for a number of reasons: fear of commitment or because the connection is right, but the timing isn’t. However in most cases, it’s an all-else fails backup plan. But, what happens when that fails to? Or perhaps even scarier - when the plan actually succeeds? Now what? That is what we are exploring on this episode of Lovers and Friends with the cast of The Marriage Pact streaming now on The Roku Channel.

You can stream #TheMarriagePact FREE on a Roku, the Roku mobile app and http://therokuchannel.com. It’s also available on Samsung Smart TVs and Amazon Fire Sticks.

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Do you marry the person that you have the best sex with?


Ashley Cobb opens up about being the best every man has ever had and also struggling to find a man who’s capable of having her. Plus the men previously known as Enjoy the Podcast link up to share their insights on the Madonna Whore complex.


So, this complex describes a psychological phenomenon in which a man's perception of women is divided into two distinct categories: the Madonna and the whore. The Madonna is perfect, pure, and really caring. She's the nurturing type and has qualities like innocence and morality. This side of the complex is associated with safety, comfort, and connection. The whore, on the other hand, is associated with sexual desire, sensuality, and eroticism. This side of the complex involves fantasies or desires for more adventurous or taboo experiences and whores are seen as mysterious and unpredictable. 
If men have this complex and subscribe to its ideologies that a woman is either pure innocence or pure erroticism, it makes it tough for him to see one woman as both a sexual partner and someone he could have a real, serious relationship with.


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Would you consider yourself a freak? Being freaky means you are open and willing to experiment and experience a variety of sexual activities. 

That's what we are getting into this episode. Where do you scale on the levels of freaky?

I’m joined by Andrea Lewis whom you may recognize from Degrassi or if you are a 90s baby then you may remember her for role in Cadet Kelly on the Disney Channel. Andrea’s latest starring role is “Three Ways”  which you can watch now on Hulu. 

I am also joined by Tyomi,  a sexologist and sex therapist with over 12 years of experience.  She specializes in unlocking pleasure for clients and has over 140 million views on her youtube channel and she’s here to tell us about her definition of a freak.

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What if I told you that the biggest turn off for partners can be your own self deprecating comments? The times you’ve said “oh no I haven’t shaved”  

Have you ever wondered how your insecurities can affect your relationships? Self deprecating comments and insecurities play a vital role in how we interact with others, especially when it comes to intimacy. Remember that one time you excused yourself with your partner because you hadn’t shaved? Chances are you pointed out the elephant in the room that was only existent to you. 

In this week’s episode, I am joined by Jessie Paege, a YouTube personality, actress, author, and entrepreneur. Through her comedic and relatable content, she has built an audience of over 2 million followers across her social channels. Jessie uses her platform to crush stereotypes and raise awareness of mental health issues and LGBTQ+ issues. Her debut book is called, Hey, It's Okay to Be You, which fits perfectly with our conversation about how insecurities play a role in our relationships. 

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Sex that doesn’t lead to orgasm.. Sound familiar? What if I said that sex that doesn’t lead to the big O can actually be very fulfilling and a lot more common than you think?

Sexual experiences can encompass a wide variety of activities, such as kissing, touching, oral sex, manual stimulation, and penetration, among others. The experience and enjoyment of sex can vary greatly from person to person, and not everyone will achieve orgasm during sexual encounters. Some individuals may not experience orgasm at all, while others may experience it infrequently or under certain circumstances.
The important aspect to remember is that sex should always be consensual, safe, and respectful of all parties involved. Communication and understanding between partners are essential to ensure that both individuals are comfortable and satisfied with their sexual experiences, regardless of whether orgasm occurs.


That is exactly what I am talking about with my guests this week, Drea and Lex whom you may know from Pour Minds. 

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This episode felt like a poon and the peen throwback.. If you know, you know! In this episode I sat down with my friend Ricky Shucks and we answered some of your best sex questions. 

• Am I ruining sex by overthinking?
• Is squirting actually pee? 
• Are we monogamous if I am still engaging in threesomes?

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Hello lovers and friends. This week’s episode is a little different and it’s because I had a lot to say on some trending pop culture news. 

To start things off, Keke Palmer‘s partner Darius Jackson was trending for all the wrong reasons. In this episode we talk about the tweet seen across the globe. “It's the outfit tho.. you a mom.” 

Next, we break down if Jonah Hill was out of line with his boundaries. A year after his split with ex girlfriend, Sarah Brady, Brady alleges that Hill emotionally abused her and she had the receipts to back up her claim. SHe posted screenshots of their exchange to her Instagram story that prompted widespread internet discourse about boundaries and whether Hill misused “therapy speak.”

Lastly, to catch you up on the Adam22 and the Lena the Plug “drama”, the OnlyFans creator did her first scene with a male performer other than her husband. Lena’s husband, No Jumper founder Adam “Adam 22” Grandmaison, has said he was fine and encouraging of the scene.

Thanks to the sponsor of this episode Better Help!

Try therapy yourself and get 10% off your first month by going to:

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Articles:

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/leylamohammed/keke-palmer-shamed-boyfriend-darius-jackson-outfit-mom


https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-moms/news/keke-palmer-feels-powerful-as-a-mom-amid-darius-jackson-drama/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/conormurray/2023/07/10/what-to-know-about-jonah-hills-emotional-abuse-allegatio

https://www.msnbc.com/opinion/msnbc-opinion/jonah-hill-texts-ex-sarah-brady-expose-therapy-speak-dangers-rcna93748

https://www.hotnewhiphop.com/693883-lena-the-plug-adam22-simp-claims-response

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12283131/Adam22s-wife-says-theyve-sex-filmed-porn-scene-man.html

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According to the PEW research center about 41% of people between the ages of 18 to 29 are single. For people aged 30 to 49 that number drops dramatically to 23% and then it raises back up a scotch to 28% for those between 50 to 64, before increasing again to 36% for the 65+ crowd. So what does this tell us? My interpretation? On one hand, it tells the story of millennials' decline in divorce rates and on the other the fact that  it showcases our increase in being consciously single for a lot longer than previous generations and in some cases, for the long haul. So can you still enjoy dating even if none of the dates go anywhere? In this episode, I sit down with Qimmah Russo, an influencer, model and athlete and she shares her perspective on this. 

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According to the Singles in America study 55% of people reported that they’ve had a friends with benefits, which is a relationship where two people agree to have a sexual relationship based on convenience and a social relationship without a romantic commitment.

And of the people in the study who said they’d had a friend with benefits, about 40% them said that their casual connection eventually turned into a longterm love affair.

So is that number along with the guests of this episode and my personal experience enough to convince you that frequent fucking first and figuring the rest out later is the way to go? 

In this episode, we are joined by Siffat Haider  and Nish Samantray the founders of Arrae- a natural supplement company, who’s passion is to help people optimize their health and wellness. 

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In 2021, Harvard Health did a giant gratitude study and found that couple who show gratitude for their partner, and who express that gratitude regularly, are more satisfied with their relationship. University of California Berkeley's research team referred to gratitude as the quiet difference maker in relationship formation.  The journal of social and personal relationships reported that individuals who feel appreciated by their partners have better-functioning relationships that are less likely to be impacted by ineffective arguing and even financial stress. 

All that to say, a little gratitude goes a long way. 

In this episode, I talk to Dante Jones, (one half of the duo THEY) all about gratitude. 

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Article sited:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

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Dr. Emily Morse is the host of the hit podcast Sex with Emily.  Emily has been dubbed “the Dr. Ruth of a new generation” and has helped millions of people navigate the world of sex and relationships. In her new book Smart Sex, she condenses all she’s learned as a doctor of human sexuality and offers a groundbreaking framework that will change the way you think about sex and pleasure. In her new book you’ll uncover. 
·  A new sexual intelligence that will allow you to connect deeply with your body, your desires, and the psychological and physical blocks that are keeping you from experiencing the pleasure that is your birthright.
·  Communication hacks to talk to your partner about topics ranging from oral sex to open relationships and everything in between.
·  The truth about orgasms and how to start having more plentiful, powerful, and satisfying orgasms.
· Everything you need to know to be a good lover, from collaboration to technique. (Hint: it's not what you think.)
·   And so much more

FIVE PILLARS OF YOUR SEXUALITY:

Pillar #1: Embodiment
Pillar #2: Health 
Pillar #3: Collaboration
Pillar #4: Self- knowledge 
Pillar #5:  Self acceptance 

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If you’re a podcast listener, you already know that there’s a whole lot of discussions about what people don’t do in relationships, what they need to be doing, and insight on what romantic partners want from others.

And I guess it’s all well and good to have standards, but it’s even better to:

• Be aware of which standards are based on what we actually need to have a quality romantic partnership vs which standards are based on discriminatory, outdated values that hurt others AND our chances at forming healthy partnerships.

• Be clear about what standards people can hold you to. In short, what exactly are you bringing to the romantic relationship table and furthermore what are you admitting that you won’t be carrying? 
  
  
  

In this episode, I am discussing this in a hilarious and honest conversation with the ladies of Cocktales. 

We also have THE Matchmaking Duo here to share the secret to finding a compatible long term 
partner.

Here is your conversation starter pack:
What are you enthusiastically bringing to a romantic relationship today?
What are you interested in getting better at bringing?
What do you know you can’t and probably won’t carry?
How do you want your romantic partner to respond to you when you’re not meeting their standards?
How do you plan to respond when they inevitably, don’t meet all of yours?
Which are your deal breakers and where considering your answers to the top questions can you stand to do a lil bending?

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What Is Your Love Story?

 Not the one that you’re in per se, but the one that subconsciously, you’ll move mountains or reality, to live inside? Psychologists have identified 26 kinds of stories that people commit to BEFORE committing to their romantic partner so, which one is yours?
Our starring guest Raven Ross who you can recall from Netlfix’s reality series, Love is Blind Season 3. She is also a pilates instructor nearly a 2 million followers on social media. Raven went through one of the messiest Tik Tok cheating scandals last year with her ex-fiancee. Now, she’s ready to love out loud again plus wants to share with you how, why, and maybe even who.. 

A love story is a frame of reference for how you believe love works or should work. Kind of like how your political beliefs describe how you think a group of people should be governed. Now, as I mentioned off the top, in my fav book, the new psychology of love, there are 26 different common stories that people can subscribe to. 
Addiction - we have an intense first connection and from then on we need each other and create a dynamic based around the fear of parting ways
Audition - you gotta win the part and keep proving you love me and if you forget the lines or go too far off script
Art - my partner looks good and they make me look good because I own something beautiful
Business - our union is designed to give us more money, power and respect from others
Cookbook - love has a recipe and instruction list, if we forget ingredients or steps our love won’t be as good
Fantasy - save me, marry me, and happily ever after me. 
Game - love is a sport with a winner and a loser or if we’re on the same team there’s still a captain and a bench player
Gardening - love is something that has to grow and it takes time, awareness of the environment, plus continuous tending to in order to flourish. For more on this, see my episode where I explain the difference between a fruit and a fruit tree
History - in our relationship you are who you were, there’s only past you and future you. Think of it like the difference between “I’ll believe it when I see it” and “let’s just see!”
Horror - relationships are scary and the scarier it is, the more real it is
Humor - love is a joke, some people get the joke early, some later, but sooner or later everyone gets humbled
Mystery - you don’t need to know everything about each other because maintaining the mystery is more important than discovering yourselves through uncovering one another
Police - you gotta place rules and boundaries on your partner because people are only as good as you’ll allow them to be
Religion - love is in service of the Lord
Sacrifice - love is just as much about what you give as what you’re willing to give up to demonstrate devotion to the other
Science - love can be studied and explained through scientific theory just like anything else
War - love is a power struggle ruled by 
The other ones are: recover, science fiction, sewing, theater, travel, war, student-teacher, and a few more.

Conversation starter pack
What story of love are you currently subscribing to?
Which ones are you aspiring to?
What narratives are you trying to stay clear of and why?
What love story was modeled for you growing up?

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We often talk about how men have an easier life, but I think at this point we can also agree that maintaining the identity of “a real man” is extremely hard. Masculinity is what I would call a wet fish identity - because like catching a fish with your bear hands - It’s hard to do, even harder to hold onto and incredibly easy to lose a grip on. And one of the fastest ways to call your capability of holding onto a wet fish into question, is to add more slick to the situation by crying.

It’s one thing for a man to reveal his hurt, pain and insecurities - which you might recall we already discussed in episod 4 of Lovers and Friends, do we really want vulnerable men starring Aba n Preach.

So what comes up for us when we see a man cry? And how do we deconstruct those feelings without tearing down the man or his masculinity in the process? These are all questions I wanted to pontificate with, with the man himself, Dominic Gabriel- a personality and mental health advocate best known from his appearances on Netflix's Perfect Match and The Mole. You may also recognize him from his viral Tik Toks OR from his brand new podcast Dom Meets World. 

Conversation starter pack from this episode:

What is masculinity? Is it something you have? Or something you have to earn and maintain?
Is it a turnoff to see a man cry?
Is it a turnon?
Aren’t both of those responses equally as strange? What’s the healthier alternative?
Is crying a useful expression regardless of gender? Should we all attempt to control it because it can be likened to losing your temper?
How do we create an environment where people tasked with proving their masculinity, don’t feel like they have to keep up the audition in front of us?

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Did you know that every 7 seconds, a man thinks about sex?
That's more than 500 times an hour and more than 12,000 times a day… And even though that sounds crazy, I’m sure it sounds familiar because this stat has circulated for decades. Now, myth-buster there is no scientific evidence to back this up, and studies that HAVE been done site that men think about sex an average of 19 times a day with the highest number of the study being around 380 thoughts a day and the lowest being once per day (which of course if you’re told to record how much you think about sex you’re gonna think about sex more and at the very least ONCE to note that your only thought about having sex that day was that you never thought about having sex… 

Point being, in a society that’s conditioned us to believe that all day men dream about sex, what do we do when the man we’re with doesn’t want to have sex with us? That’s where we’re going on this episode featuring Drew Love. the lead singer of the popular R&B group THEY who just released their album Nu Moon, which is streaming everywhere now. 

Thanks to the sponsors of this episode!

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In this episode, I want to break down what I know about “knowing” someone is the one, before you know their true character. This isn’t meant to knock anyone who chooses to mate this way, because culturally a lot of us subscribe to the importance of instant attraction even if we don’t think we do - but instead to provide you with some knowledge that I wish I had before letting love at first sight lead me astray. Love at first sight is a global phenomenon - meaning no matter where you go, there it is in different languages, stories and beliefs.

In this episode I define what love at first sight is, explain why the brain likes to do it, provide insight into how love at first sight might just be another brand of discrimination, explain how it can be used wisely and also share the dangers of placing a lot of emphasis on how couples met.


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Let’s talk about submission! My fav definition of this comes from Hafeez who simply said to submit is to sub (be underneath) another person’s mission. Now, one of the main purposes of romantic relationships is to be stronger together - a concept we’ve gone into before when we discussed self expansion theory on episode 4 featuring Jeannie Mai. The Self expansion theory states that the best way to expand, together, is to take stock of each other’s strengths, then create a dynamic that aligns with that reality.

But what happens when in the end of this audit, you realize that your strengths fall outside of traditional gender roles? And furthermore you realize that the man’s strengths are perfectly suited to aid in the woman’s success? How does it work and furthermore CAN it work when a man realizes his partner’s potential and then makes her mission, his main mission? That’s what we are going to be talking about on this episode featuring Jade Novah and Devin Johnson.

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For women in their 30s, 1 in 5 will experience problems conceiving their first child. Deja Riley, our starring guest gives firsthand advice of what it's like to go through over two years of fertility treatments. A grueling experience that's cost her over $20,000 and almost her marriage.

In this episode Deja tells all: her experience with IUI, IVF, miscarriage, a chemical pregnancy, eastern medicine, and finally surrender. To keep up with Deja's journey follow her

Deja:
http://instagram.com/Dejariley 
@Doseofduality- her podcast
http://Dejariley.com

Follow our other special guests

Krizia: 
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Krystal
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In this episode, I sit down with my mom and sister to talk about our sex ed growing up and now as parents ourselves, what we believe is the most important lesson to teach our kids when it comes to sex and love...

You'll also hear a good bit of a past episode that you can listen to in its entirety here.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovers-and-friends-with-shan-boodram/id1586679298

I also explain how I plan to bring up conversations about sex to my daughters and what I hope they take away from those. 

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Up to 1 in 4 known pregnancies may end in miscarriage. For many of us, this stat is old news - but as we continue to have this conversation aloud after generations of keeping this pain private - what I do think is new is considering how the father feels about the loss. It seems like a no-brainer, but speaking from personal experience, it hadn’t really crossed my mind until recently. So, let’s talk about it with our special guest Mike Johnson on this episode of Lovers and Friends.

According to a study conducted by School of Sciences fathers displayed less “active grief” than their female partners, BUT they were more vulnerable to feelings of despair and difficulty in coping 8 weeks following the loss.
The National Library of Medicine found that of 40 men who’s partner had a miscarriage, 59% said they had a deepened awareness of the fragility of life, 45% mourned the loss of their family’s hopes and dreams, 40% reported a strong sense of vulnerability and powerlessness to help their wife and half did not share feelings with their partner at all.
These are numbers that I believe our starring guest can bring a face too, and this is a face you might recognize. Mike Johnson has already been a guest on Lovers and Friends in one of our biggest episodes “Tall, Dark, Handsome and Sexually Insecure.”

Follow Mike Johnson
http://instagram.com/mike_johnson
https://www.feelingseen.com/

Thanks to the sponsors of this episode.

Hungryroot!
Just go to Hungryroot.com/LOVERS, to get 30% off your first delivery and get your free veggies.

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Sources:
https://time.com/3982471/men-are-the-forgotten-grievers-in-miscarriage/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8064426/
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02646839908404587#.Vb9xQc4qefQ

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