Brave Love Great Sex – Couples Therapy Podcast

Foreplay listeners, join us today in a 'School of Love' lesson all about the withdrawer's world! Withdrawers are often shutting down, walking away or seeming closed off in the cycle. These moves help them get safe and regulated but are a step in the negative cycle because the pursuing partner is left alone. When we can slow down, and be patient we can help to reveal the vulnerable underbelly of the emotional and sexual withdrawer. In two amazing role plays, hosts Laurie and George display exactly how to get slow, and get curious to learn about the ouch underneath the protective move. Vulnerability is the solution to the negative cycle and so much healing lies in these conversations. Withdrawing partners may often feel like they are messing up, a failure or that something is wrong with them. Pursuing partners may try to help by jumping in to reassure but this would be like diving into the shallow end of a pool. Staying in the deep but being there together is where the change happens. Let us know what notes you take from today's show and as always keep it hot y'all!

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When we’re in distress as a couple, it’s hard to see that our partners protective moves - either criticism or withdrawal - are really ways that they are covering their deeper hurt, pain and vulnerability. But in order not to be lost to each other, first, we need to recognize that we are in a cycle where our partner triggers us and we trigger our partner… over and over. Secondly, we have to allow enough space for our partner to express themselves without expressing our pain at the same time. We have to let them go first. Third, we have to get curious about the deeper meaning of their protective moves. Do they go away because they feel like they’ll never measure up? Do they harp on relational issues because ironically, they want us to have a better relationship?

Join George and Laurie today as they work through not just one, but two role plays in both the emotional and s*xual cycle and share with listeners what lies below the surface. To be successful here, listeners are reminded to have an understanding of the moves of their negative cycle and how each partner contributes. This way we can slow down, practice patience and have empathy for one another's vulnerabilities. Learning this process helps lovers meet one another in places where they previously left each other. Interested in working with an EFT couples therapist? Visit www.iceeft.com and head over to our IG @foreplay_sextherapypodcast. Let us know what you want to hear from us next. Keep it hot y'all!

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Today we're talking between the sheets or rather how to break the silence between the sheets. We always say that if you can talk about sex then you can have great sex. But what happens when you don't know what to talk about? Join our hosts today as they bring up how to start a sexy conversation and what to share with your intimate partner. Conversation might start with ideas about romance, foreplay, turn ons and lead to fantasies and more! The art of having these chats enhances your intimate world and deepens the bond that couples share. If you find yourself stuck in a sex rut, this episode can help you break out of the mundane and explore a more playful, fun side of sex with your honey. Keep it hot y'all!

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In last week's episode we discussed the purpose of the protected moves. On today's show we are going deeper to the "ouch," the pain, the vulnerability that lies below that protection. George and Laurie invite listeners today to explore the pain that we can all feel when we experience rejection, shame or worthlessness in an interaction with our partner. They acknowledge that this is a HEAVY topic but an important one if we want to understand our moves in the cycle, ourselves and our partners on a deeper level. You may want to avoid these conversations but this is where we need conversation the most. Grab your pencil and take notes during the school of love lesson. Believe it or not, understanding the ouch can lead to a bigger, better O! 

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Do you ever wonder why you get angry in a fight? Have you been unsure why conflict makes you want to run? Join George and Laurie in today's episode to learn the purpose of your protective move, the healthy function it is trying to achieve and the impact it has on you and your partner. These moves, often seen as fight or flight are there to keep us safe and in some way to protect the relationship. However, this is where a negative cycle forms as each partner's protective move triggers a move in their partner and round and round we go. If you have been caught in this cycle you know just how exhausting it can be and probably have thought if we could just talk about it now, or if we could just take some space it would be SO MUCH BETTER! Learn with us today in this episode all about protective moves and how you can slow down and begin developing new moves, ones that can keep you connected with your partner. Get connected and keep it hot y'all!

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Join our hosts on this episode as they go over all things cycle! The emotional and sexual cycle is a tool that EFT therapists use to help clients find a way out of their current distress and better organize, express and connect. At the core of both of these cycles is distress that our brains code as a threat. Did you know that your brain reacts in a split second to assess threat, real or perceived? This healthy survival skill only gives us a few moves that you might recognize as fight or flight. In today's show, George and Laurie provide listeners with an overview of these cycles, the moves or roles that partners can act out and the intentions under each move. We're reminded that intention is different from impact and to have better, more secure relationships we need to see how we impact our partners. We hope you gain something from this school of love episode and see if you can apply it to your own relationship. Try asking yourself what happens to me in this cycle, what move do I make? Laurie drops this amazing gem, "Curiosity is the antidote to anxiety." Head on over to our instagrama @foreplay_sextherapypodcast and let us know your thoughts in the comments!

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Secure sex too often gets lumped in with BORING sex! Laurie and George are challenging this myth and shouting from the rooftops that secure sex is HOT! Join us today as our hosts review what secure sex looks like and how secure sexual attachment helps couples transcend the ordinary into the extraordinary. If you're reading this feeling despondent about the state of your relationship, have some hope and listen to our experts on how to create more secure sexual attachment. Repairing, owning your stuff, showing appreciation are just some examples of action that you can start taking today to create more security and have better, hotter sex! Don't miss out on this episode and fall asleep at the wheel believing secure=boring. Learn how great great lovers treat each other and what they do every day to ensure that their sex life is hot, hot, hot through the years. 

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This episode is dedicated to Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT and a beloved mentor, teacher and friend. We remember her legacy and devotion to helping couples love better. George and Laurie have been heavily influenced by Sue's contributions to the field of couple therapy, moving treatment from a predominant focus on behavioral change to creating healthy attachments and secure, loving bonds. Join us today, to connect over this profound loss and to hear the stories and memories we have with Dr. Sue Johnson. You won't want to miss out on what she thought about George's driving skills! Thank you Sue for your incredible work in this field and for the influence, information, education and love you shared. You will be missed greatly!

EFT Therapists! Laurie is coming to Chicago this month! Come join her!

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Welcome Foreplay listeners to another episode in our school of love series. Our residential relationship experts share with us the 4 things that stop progress and connection in relationships. The three A's abuse, addiction, affair and finally a partner not willing to take enough of a risk to re-connect. Join George and Laurie as they succinctly breakdown these roadblocks to connection and share what needs to happen first if any are present in your relationship. Our hosts remind us that safety in EFT is paramount and we can only get closer when there is a shared level of safety between partners. This episode is a must listen if you are facing any of these factors that may make connection impossible. Tune in today with an open mind and heart and another reminder that you are not alone!

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Let's talk about sex, baby! Not sure how to have the best sex talk? We put together a comprehensive list of topics to cover. Join us today as we work through the acronym we developed to set couples up to have the best talk about sex! Topics range from bodies to laughter and everything in between that couples need to talk about when it comes to sex and their relationship. Whether you are spending your first anniversary together or your 50th you will benefit from this episode. Having conversations about sex is vital to a long lasting and deeply satisfying relationship. Visit our Instagram account and click the link in bio to download our worksheet that guides you through this exercise. Keep it hot y’all!

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Not sure how to have a great conversation about your sex life? Don't worry, we've got you covered! In this latest edition of our school of love lessons, Laurie and George teach listeners how, when and where to begin this conversation. Starting is often the hardest part and it's so easy to build up all the ways this could go wrong in your mind. However, the ability to have these sometimes awkward conversations is vital to a lifetime of love. Join us today to learn how to bring up this conversation and the check-in questions partners can ask one another to gauge the status of their sex life. In this conversation, you'll move beyond how often we are/aren't knocking boots to understanding needs, depth of connection, intimacy and other factors that make great lovers. A fabulous George and Laurie role play will guide you through and is sure to give any couple a dose of confidence. TLDR; How to gracefully bring up a conversation about your sex life and the four components to cover. Keep it hot y'all!

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Did you ever stop and think about why you view sex the way you do? Where did your thoughts and feelings on sex come from? In this episode, George and Laurie discuss how cultural influences affect our view of sex. Culture includes race, religion, sexuality, location you were raised among others. There are so many factors that make up your perspective of sex and relationships. Listen to our hosts share how their cultural experiences have shaped their worlds and the work they have done to expand their views. They share that a key to understanding cultural influences more is flexibility and creative thinking. George and Laurie discuss expanding beyond a dualistic way of thinking that says "either, or' to 'both, and.' George reminds us we don't have to have all the answers, we just need to start the conversation.

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Last episode we invited listeners to have a candid conversation with their partners about emotions and how your family  expressed emotions. This week on our latest lesson in the 'school of love,' we are talking about how to have positive conversations about your sexual history. As therapists, we gather this information and call it a sexual assessment. The funny thing is, it's not all about sex! We are curious to learn about touch you experienced in life, how affection was displayed and how the family talked about sex or bodies. Touch is vital to human survival and it's important to gather that key information. Sometimes we work with individuals that grew up in emotionally disconnected houses but physical affection was fine to express. Other times we find that physical affection was not given and individuals have to shut down that need to be touched or held very early on. We hope that this episode will induce a conversation between partners to learn more about your earlier experiences with touch and sexuality. Grab your notepads, students and write down the following to get you started: What was touch like in your family? How did your family/peer group talk about sexuality and puberty? What were your first sexual experie nces like? How do you like to be touched? As always, keep it hot y'all! 

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Our latest installment in our school of love, introduces listeners to the essential questions to ask your partner to understand their attachment relationships. EFT therapists conduct an attachment history during their early sessions to better understand the protections of each partner and why they may use pursuing or withdrawing strategies when experiencing relationship distress. Join us today to hear the questions George and Laurie ask during their couples sessions and give us their answers and personal insights. When we can get more depth and understanding, there is a new ability to create lasting change. Even though the past hurtful event remains the same, the new information creates new opportunities. Make sure to take some notes during today's love lesson and work with your partner to find answers to attachment based questions such as: What did you learn from your family about emotions? Was there safety to express vulnerability or insecurities? Who comforted you in times of need? We hope this exercise helps you and your partner with the emotional assessment most relationships are missing. This week we're asking you to 'Keep it Sweet' because we all need a little more safety.

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Join George and Laurie as we answer a 'Mailbag' question from a listener that asks our hosts with their help to fix their sexless marriage. Sexless marriages are defined as having sex less than four times a year. Our listener shares that they love their partner but know that they withdraw both emotionally and sexually. She has worked hard to try ALL the things to increase engagement on both levels and finds that not much has changed. Our hosts are masters of empathy and begin a conversation with empathy and validation for both partners. George and Laurie work to take us inside the 'inner world' of the withdrawing partner to understand better the things that aren't being articulated. However, while our hosts validate the current state of the relationship they won't co-sign NOT having a conversation. Listen along today to hear Laurie and George's great suggestions which include finding an EFT therapist, naming the unnamed and reducing the pressure. Head on over to our website to submit your mailbag question!

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Attachment theory helps lovers make sense of why we do what we do in relationships. Developed from attachment theory, the theory of human bonding, are 4 attachment styles that characterize behaviors in relationships. We like to also call them strategies and we use these strategies as a means of protection when we sense a real or perceived threat in our most intimate relationships. On today's episode Laurie and George break down the four attachment styles and their presentation in emotional and sexual cycles. What's important to remember is that attachment relationships begin in childhood and span into adulthood, attachment styles are not fixed and can be improved, and once you name or identify something you can begin a conversation towards change. When we do internal work to become more secure in relationships we are able to take more risks, be more vulnerable and better tolerate ruptures. If you find that you identify with an "insecure" attachment style, it's okay! This is a great learning opportunity to learn more about yourself and what your needs are. Thanks for joining us today in our latest 'School of Love' lesson. Keep it hot y'all!

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Maybe you've decided that you need to work on your relationship but what is it exactly that you want to work on? You don't want to sit in therapy and rehash every argument you had that week. Most often couples want relief from their distress and for their relationship to return to a time of greater joy and happiness. Join George and Laurie today as they share how to determine what you want when you make a decision to improve your relationship. Your homework assignment for this school of love lesson is to write down a list of positive qualities and interactions with your partner and your relationship strengths. These essential qualities are often not commented on and there can be a tendency to be problem focused when you consider your relationship. Negative feedback creates more negative feedback and this is when couples become stuck in a negative interaction cycle. Next, we encourage you to think about what you want to improve and how you can take action to make some changes. Finding clarity in what you want to work on in your relationship is a great first step to creating a fulfilling and meaningful relationship with both partners. Hop on over to our Instagram account @foreplay_sextherapy and share your thoughts! 

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Welcome Foreplay listeners to a can't miss episode with our friend and colleague Dr. Corey Allan co-host of Sexy Marriage Radio podcast. With over 13 million downloads Corey and his wife Pam, lead couples in deepening and improving conversation about physical intimacy and keeping your marriage sexy. While we are missing George today, we are over the moon to have Corey on as a guest. Are you afraid to let your partner in on your sexual longings? Maybe you know what you want but have no idea how to start the conversation, let alone contine it. Hear Laurie and Corey talk about the best ways to craft these conversations and speak to your partner in the most self-respecting way. How to recover quickly from disconnect to reconnect and kicking perfection out of the bedroom! This episode is filled with amazing gems on marriage that are sure to resonate. Make sure to give them a like and follow on IG @sexymarriageradio and visit their website at  https://smr.fm/  for more information on course, coaching and retreats. George will be back with us next time as we continue working to keep it hot y'all! Like what we're doing? We'd love to have you rate and review our show wherever you stream Foreplay.

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The saying goes that laughter is the best medicine. In our work as couples therapists, we've seen the power of shared laughter between partners. Laughter has the ability to derail an oncoming cycle, increase playfulness and deepen the bond between lovers. We've also seen moments where humor falls flat and complaints disguised as jokes cause damage. Today's show has listeners learning about the benefits of laughter between partners and creative ways to increase laughter in your bedroom routine. Recalling Emily Nagowski's work from the best-selling book "Come As You Are," hosts Laurie and George discuss when humor is a gas pedal or a brake when it comes to sexual connection and desire in relationships. We encourage listeners to remember that timing is key, we have to consider impact over intent, and find out what makes us laugh together. When laughter is a shared experience it opens up the hearts of lovers even further!

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Today we are welcoming an attachment expert and our dear friend Julie Mennano, LMFT to the pod. You may know Julie already from her incredibly popular instagram account @thesecurerelationship. With over one million followers, Julie has been educating about attachment theory and EFT on Instagram since 2020 and is the owner of Bozeman Therapy and Counseling, LLC in Montana. She is joining us today to share her new book Secure Love and to help our listeners understand what secure love looks like in action. Julie will break down the four attachment styles and how couples can work to maintain the integrity of their bond through conflict and misunderstanding. Her beautiful work helps us understand how to keep a balance between heart and mind. Couples that read Secure Love will learn more about their attachment bond, being connected even in conflict and how to treat loved ones with care. We encourage you to pick up a copy today to create a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Included is a chapter on secure s*x, which we know our listeners will love! Thanks and keep it hot and secure y'all!

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Foreplay listeners, join us today for a lesson on emotions! In this installment of our 'Love School' series George and Laurie are letting listeners in on the meaning of emotions and how we can lean into our feelings to improve our love life. There are 5 universally recognized emotions and behind each emotion lies a longing or need. In relationships miscommunication occurs because our non-verbal signals display these emotions well before our verbal communication has a chance to catch up. Go behind the science of emotions and communication with us today and learn how to repair when a bid for physical intimacy begins to go wrong. There is a depth of emotion to explore in s*x and this episode will give you actionable steps to having better conversations. Have you liked our lessons on love? Let us know by leaving a rating/review wherever you listen to our podcast and give us a follow on Instagram @foreplay_sextherapypodcast

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Time to get nerdy with us today listeners! We're taking another deep dive into the science of love and bonded relationships and exploring more about attachment theory. We've noticed the trend over the years of big labels being stamped on relationships and it can leave the outlook on love a little dim. Our hope in this episode is to provide more education on behaviors that are created to deal with distress in close relationships. We cite some great research from leading experts, like Peggy Kleinplatz and Girut Birnbaum dedicated to the study of relationships, for couples and therapists around the world to help people love one another better. If you've experienced distress and disconnection and may have some disillusionment about love we invite you to learn more about attachment. We know that strong relationships lead to better quality life and health. Understanding attachment and the science of love is key to getting you there. This is the education we never got in school but so desperately need!

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This episode is all about attachment theory. Attachment styles have been buzzing in the pop psychology world recently. Our hosts invite listeners to learn more about attachment theory which helps us understand why we fight the way we do and why our partner reacts to conflict in the way they do. Attachment theory is based on the idea that we are here to connect and life is all about relationship and meaningful connection. Join us today as we break down attachment theory, and the attachment styles secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized. Laurie and George help us put on our attachment lenses to make sense of relationship behaviors that are often misunderstood. You'll take away the useful tips from acronyms A.R.E and O.I.L and how to make your relationship more secure today! Let's us help you love better this year!

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Grab your pen and notebook for this, you're going to want ALL the notes from this episode! George and Dr. Laurie answer a mailbag question from a longtime listener about bl*w jobs. More specifically, wanting to know how to talk to their spouse about feeling disappointed that this isn't happening in their sex life. We know that this might be a tense topic for some but our hosts do a fantastic job of equalizing this and addressing what stops oral sex from happening for either partner. Touch, taste, smell and thoughts around the physical aspects of the act are some of the reasons that block or*l sex from being a more regular part of your repertoire. Laurie and George give us some tips and tricks on how to improve basic gential hygiene. Most importantly, these experts discuss the communication issues that present and block partners from having a successful conversation about this topic. As always George reinforces, "if a couple can have a conversation about something then anything is possible." Learn how to work through this delicate conversation with your partner and strengthen the security in your sex life today!

Therapists, if you want to help your clients gain more success around these conversations, make sure you join us for our upcoming Sex and EFT training this January. There is still time to register on our website. We hope to see you there!

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If you've ever scratched your head and wondered 'why does my partner do that?' this episode is for you. What if you could understand the waves that hit you when you face rejection or failure with your partner? This episode will help you do exactly that. We've talked a lot  about pursuers and withdrawers in past episodes. Join us today as we name the five waves that each position experience in a negative cycle. George shares that we need to understand the waves to develop language in these sometimes dark places. It will be hard to communicate what you don't have words for and our hosts want to help you develop the vocabulary to speak openly and honestly to your love. What better way to start off the new year than learning how to love better. Grab your surfboards listeners and come along with us to learn how to ride the relationship waves with ease!

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Welcome listeners to today's episode! A pick six in football is when the opposing team catches an interception and returns in for a touchdown. This can either be the most exhilarating or devastating play of the game depending on which team you are cheering on. Either way, it is an exciting play that can change the outcome of the situation. Join us today as we have a little fun and apply this to relationships. In today's episode you will learn how to salvage a relationship mishap. George and Laurie share several examples of common cycle starters and how we can override the automatic response and respond more relationally. Your partner tries to initiate s*x but you are busy. You see their disappointment and feel yourself getting critical, learn how to slow down and communicate with your partner. In another example, your partner asks for your help and you brush them off because you have SO many more things to be working on. Your partner reacts by shutting down: learn how to re-engage and support them! Intimate relationships are a series or ruptures and repairs and the most successful couples have a solid repair strategy. Gather your favorite teammate and listen to this episode to improve your repair playbook today!

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But, George and Laurie, what is "rizz?" Rizz, selected as Oxford's word of the year for 2023, is defined as a slang term used to describe someone's ability to flirt. The word may be familiar as its origin is the existing word charisma. Join us in this episode as we break down what is rizz and how to apply it to your relationship. Maybe you're already one of those people that has a keen ability to light up a room, draw others to you, be self-confident and also intune with your audience. Some of us may struggle here but learning to rizz better is possible and perhaps something to add to your 2024 resolutions list. Our hosts implore us to do this by: improving active listening skills, eye contact, making conversation more personal, and better attunement as strategies to improve your rizz. They also note that most of us have strong rizz at the start of a relationship because we tend to put in more effort and intentionality when we are pursuing a new partner. However life takes over and that focused effort often wanes leading our rizz to drop with our intimate partners. We had a lot of fun on this episode keeping up with what's hip and we hope it's a fun and playful conversation to share with your partner on increasing intentionality in your communication. Keep it hot y'all!   

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Shame is an emotional experience that confirms our biggest

insecurities. S*x is a sacred space that requires us to be naked physically,

emotionally and spiritually. We don't want to think of shame here, rather we

decide that s*x "should" be: passionate, spontaneous, simple yet, s*x

with your intimate partner can trigger shame. Join us today as we discuss the

reasons why we can feel shame around physical intimacy. George and Laurie lead

listeners through a valuable conversation on what parts of an individual

become exposed in this vulnerable place and how to begin to make sense of those

internal messages. George reminds us that the antidote to shame is in

connection and humans are not meant to face shame in isolation. We explore the

deeper attachment themes present and Laurie highlights the dilemma of shame;

sharing shame with a loved one increases safety but we need safety to be able

to share shame. If a s*xual experience with your partner has ever felt like

rejection or failure this episode is a must listen to help you understand how

to address the "relationship ouch" and open up a conversation with

your partner that is full of healthy relationship risk taking. Make sure to

visit our website www.foreplayrst.com

and leave us questions or comments in our mailbag. We want to help you bust

shame and keep it hot y'all!

Check out our sponsors! (It helps us pay the bills!)

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

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In a relationship when we experience emotional hurt we quickly want to assign meaning to the feeling. Our brains are wired to make sense of the threat and a pang of rejection can send our thoughts spiraling. Then BAM we are in the cycle with our partner. Join us today as we help you make better and more accurate meaning to slow down this automatic process and keep you from falling head first in the negative cycle. As EFT therapists, we work to make reframes of protective behavior to help individuals expand meaning and perspective. When you can hold more space in your body for the physical sensation of an emotion you keep your brain in a neutral zone. A neutral zone will help you be open minded, think relationally and use communication skills like curiosity, understanding, validation and empathy. You will leave this episode with examples of common inaccurate meanings, why your brain does this, what to do instead and how to talk to your partner better. Head on over to our instagram page and let us know in the comments what meaning you commonly assign to your partner's behavior. We want to help you get out of this trap and love better and have better sex!

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You grind so hard all year in hopes to spend quality time during the holiday season with your love but when the time comes you end up getting caught in the cycle. Has this ever happened to you? The holiday season brings out the extremes and primes relationships for the classic blame/attack cycle. Partners locked in tension often scream "you're too much/you're not enough" while putting on cheerful faces for family photoshoots and out of town visitors. We see the challenge and we've been there before! Join our hosts today as we open up a conversation on the many conflicts couples face during the holidays and how to stress less together. George and Laurie discuss the invisible workload and mental labor that goes into making holiday magic, the demands on time and energy and the cycles that couples get locked in. This episode will help each partner expand their perspectives and start a valuable dialogue of ways to support one another better, increase appreciation and create time to step under the mistletoe. We know that making memories isn't easy work and we want to prevent your relationship from taking the hard hits this year!

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Check out our great sponsors:

CozyEarth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

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Warning this episode is NSFW and you might want to sit down for this one! Is dirty talk part of your love making repertoire? Dirty talk is defined as talking explicitly about sex with your partner. These explicit words run the gamut and can either be a major turn ON or turn OFF. Join our hosts today as they not only give us a list of dirty words to use during sex but discuss how to artfully bring up this HOT topic with your love. This is an area that you want to approach thoughtfully. Moving too fast has the potential to ruin the fun that dirty talk could bring to your sex life. Here are some great questions to ask if you want to test the waters in this arena: "How do you want to talk about our sex?" "Is there a specific name or language you want me to use about your body parts, our moves during lovemaking?" "What ways can we create comfort and also turn up the heat?" Find out how your partner wants to hear it and learn what it does or doesn't do for them. Getting to know your partner better is always a good thing! Keep it hot y'all!

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A fetish is an object or part of the body that turns someone on sexually. How do partners safely discuss fetishes? Join George and Laurie in today's episode as they answer a mailbag question from a listener who discovered that their spouse has a foot fetish. This episode is for you if you have a fetish that you're unsure how to share with your spouse or you have learned about your spouse's fetish. Dr. Laurie shares that rather than shut down the fetish a couple can focus on expansion of sexual worlds. She provides direction on taking the sexual charge the fetish creates and making use of it in a way that supports the sexual relationship between partners. Exploring sexual fetishes may cause conflict between partners and George reminds us that better communication here is key. We reduce the fear of the unknown by having good conversation between lovers and learning how/if this fetish is integrated in the relationship. We want to thank our listener for sending in this question and opening up our audience to the topic of fetishes. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic!

Make sure to drop us a line either in our listener mailbag or over on our instagram page @foreplay_sextherapypodcast Thanks as always for helping us keep it hot, y'all!

Check out our great sponsors:

CozyEarth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

Addyi.com/Foreplay -- Ask your gynecologist about this drug that helps women with low libido!

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Foreplay listeners, join George and Laurie in this episode and help us celebrate 4 years of podcasting together! It has been quite a ride with our fearless love experts at the helm and we look forward to continuing to help our listeners keep it hot! Today we are breaking down the formula to unlock female desire. Listen as we share the 3 key ingredients that we have found are a common theme among clients, friends and in studies. They are emotional connection before sex, relaxation before sex and wooing/wowing your love. Women need emotional connection to unlock their sexual desire. Tune into the emotional needs of your female partner and focus on high levels of emotional engagement. Ask yourself: Am working to ensure that my lady feels seen, heard and understood? Next, never-ending to-do lists often keep women trapped in a constant state of go, not allowing for the proper amount of relaxation to help prime the body for desire and sexual connection. A spa day a few times a year is great but just won't cut it when it comes to unlocking female desire. Help your love protect her space and focus on relaxation. Lastly, we're talking about wooing and wowing. Getting explicit with compliments, playfulness, flirtations to directly signal how much you want and desire the woman in your life.

We'd love to hear your feedback on the episode. Make sure to rate and review us!

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Laurie and George answer a mailbag question in this episode. "I think my husband has been faking orgasms...how can I bring this up without increasing the anxiety he may already be feeling?" We want to thank our brave listener for reaching out to us with this question and bringing up a topic that is rarely discussed. Our hosts help provide language for couples and also make more explicit the emotions that end up driving the 'faking behavior'. Learn how to start a difficult conversation with your partner and pay attention to these key takeaways from this episode: the compliment sandwich, reducing unhealthy shame, giving men the permission to not orgasm and taking some of the pressure off. We love helping listeners with questions like this, so make sure you visit our website and drop us a note!

Check out our great sponsors:

Uberlube.com -- Uberlube is our preferred lubricant for great sex! It's silicone-based and won't stain, is water-soluable, and is all-around fantastic!

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

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What is it exactly that women want? As the conversation of patriarchy and toxic masculinity have buzzed over the past few years (and for good reason) we're all left scratching our heads navigating this conversation. Join Laurie and George today in this exploratory conversation on masculinity and modern relationships. Spurred from a weekend away with Dr. Laurie's girlfriends filled with laughter, LOTS of conversation about sex and the lyrics from the song, 'Cover Me Up' by pop country star Morgan Wallen we get our topic for today's show. The song describes a man down on his luck, abusing drugs and alcohol yet taking the woman that he loves with wild abandon. Get the chance to hear how this made Laurie swoon and why other women may be so turned on by clear and direct sexual signals. This is certainly a topic that may heat things up physically with a tad of controversy but one that we think is worth talking about in bedrooms everywhere. We want to hear your thoughts on masculine energy. What does it look like? What does it do for you? When is it too much, too little? Help us engage this topic with some curiosity and openness.

Make sure to pop over to our instagram page @forelay_sextherapypodcast and leave your thoughts in the comments. As always, keep it hot y'all!

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OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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George reminds us that the sexual relationship between adults is the ultimate playground and reclaiming that energy is what makes great lovers! When couples identify and de-escalate their negative cycle they can sometimes become unclear about what happens next. You've been so trapped in the conflict that doing something different is relieving yet we still crave more depth in the partnership. We share the good news of what the payoff is from all the hard work!

Join us today as we expand on this and help both pursuers and withdrawers answer the question of "what now?" In the negative cycle partners encounter one another's protections. The protective moves are covering up a negative emotion and underneath the negative emotion lies a very important need or longing. Everyone has these needs and they are healthy! This is an engaging conversation that you don't want to miss because it provides the keys for transformation. Get more clear on the safety you need in your relationship and what the negative emotion is telling you about the longing underneath.

Let us know how we're doing by rating and reviewing our podcast and following us on instagram @foreplay_sextherapypodcast

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Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

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In this episode, George and Laurie explore the world of the sexual withdrawer. In the sexual cycle, withdrawers avoid, shut down or turn away from sexual connection. This causes the sexual pursuer to feel rejected, hopeless and abandoned and their reaction often confirms the withdrawers worst fears about sex. Anxiety does what anxiety does and a tension begins to form around this precious part of their relationship. Join us as wedeep dive into the sexual withdrawer's fears and help them discover what draws them away from connection to their sexual self. A lack of touch in early childhood, sexual trauma, shame around body image or expression of sexuality will undoubtedly cause someone to shut down their connection to sex and sensuality. This exploration allows the sexual withdrawer to safely investigate this area and express the fear around reaching for or engaging in sexual connection. A key takeaway in this episode is helping sexual withdrawers identify what they actually want. Special shoutout on this episode to our friend and colleague, Julie Mennano of @thesecurerelationship Julie's instagram content provides great nuggets of information on attachment and relationships. Give her a follow today!

*We want to make the disclaimer that partners always have the right to say no in a relationship and our material is not applicable to any form of abuse in relationships. If you are concerned about abuse inyour relationship we encourage you to find a safe computer and learn more about the signs. Visit www.thehotline.org

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"Since the majority of women are responsive to desire, does that mean all women are sexual withdrawers?" Dr. Laurie says, "Absolutely not!" Join us on the episode as Laurie and George break down the difference between initiating and responsiveness and the pursue/withdraw cycle. How they look similar and how they are different. We discuss underlying needs and tactile ways in which each partner can take risks to deescalate negative cycles and bring more connection to the relationship. Pursuers and withdrawers will feel validated and comforted with the information in today's episode and walk away with action steps on how to improve their relationship with their spouse. We hope you join us and download and share this episode. Let us know how we're doing by rating and reviewing our show. Your feedback helps us keep it hot!

Check out our fantastic sponsors!

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join Laurie and George in this episode as they answer a mailbag question from a devoted listener. The sexual pursuer asks the experts how can I tell my partner I am longing for more erotic connection without it coming across as criticism and causing my partner to shut down. George and Laurie validate this pursuer and all their efforts they put forth for the relationship and come alongside to help them communicate with their love. We discuss how these partners might be missing each other and how they can embrace their erotic and develop a more expansive erotic vocabulary. Not sure what to say to your lover beyond, “baby, you look so good”? Then make sure to download and share this episode and wow them with your words!

Check out our sponsors!

Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order!

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You might be downloading this episode hoping to hear about a sexual position but this episode is all about going deeper into VULNERABILITY. Laurie and George get curious with the longings of the sexual pursuer and sexual withdrawer, what their experience is and how it manifests in the cycle. A sexual pursuer might be asking, "am I too much?" and the sexual withdrawer might find themselves asking, "am I enough?" Join our hosts today as they bring these fears to light and share with listeners how we can take accountability for how our longing is expressed in the cycle and freedom to explore "Who am I and what do I want without these protections taking over?" If you are looking to understand your cycle more, make sure to download this episode today and share with your love. Take away from this episode good information on recognizing the cycle, helping each other with pain and discovering new parts of yourself and your partner. As George says, "It is so inspirational to see how love can heal when it is shared in these dark places."

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Uberlube -- Uberlube is our preferred lubricant for great sex! It's silicone-based and won't stain, is water-soluable, and is all-around fantastic!

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Sights, sounds and smells OH MY! There are many aspects to sex that can cause embarrassment for partners. We are here to let you know that so many things you are worried about are NORMAL! Join us in this episode to hear our list of '10 things not to be ashamed of during sex'. Maybe you were told that women weren't supposed to make noises during sex or incorporating a vibr@tor was wrong. Whatever the message was, you may be dealing with shame around sex that stops you from having an earth-shattering orgasm and a healthy sex connection between partners. Listen to Laurie and George break down the top 10 things that cause shame that shouldn't and how to have these types of conversations with your partner. We encourage you to ask yourself what messages did you receive around the thing that causes shame, have you ever shared it and how is it affecting you? Come along with the experts, download this episode and share with your partner so you can move from shame to sensation together!

Check out our fantastic sponsors!

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Do you have anxiety when it comes to your sex life? Maybe you identify with the sexual pursuer role in the relationship and find that you are the partner that keeps track of when and how often you have sex. This can create so much pressure for you and your partner! Join Laurie and George today as they discuss four ways anxiety is killing your sex life and the tools you need to fix it. George reminds us that anxiety can put us in yellow brain, meaning we cautious with our lovers because we are fearing rejection and loss of connection. If this is something that shows up in your relationship, this is a must listen episode. Download and share with your partner as an exercise to join with each other and face the anxiety together. Like what we're doing? Make sure to rate and review wherever you listen to our podcast and give us a follow on Instagram for more great info!

Check out our sponsors!

Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Delayed ejaculation is when a man cannot reach orgasm intervaginally during sexual intercourse. If this is something you have dealt with, you are not alone! We know that this can be frustrating and embarrassing for men that have experienced this and today's episode will provide you with tangible tools to overcome it. Join George and Laurie today as they discuss delayed ejaculation, the cause of it and problem solving strategies. Download this episode to learn how to reduce the pressure around orgasming and how to communicate with your partner. Don't forget to join us on September 8th for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat. We are so ready to help you have better love and better sex in your relationship!

Check out our fantastic sponsors:

Foria -- foriawellness.com/FOREPLAY OR use code FOREPLAY - These oils help enhance a woman's orgasm! Field tested by Laurie's crew. Use the link and get 20% off your first order!

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Welcome listeners! Today we are saying F the Cycle and using good energy to help deconstruct the negative cycle and rebuild a positive connection. In this episode George and Laurie reinforce the brain training concept, 'Name it to Tame it' in regards to the sexual cycle. Why is naming the cycle so important? It is because the initial reactive response comes from the limbic region of your brain. The primitive part of your brain that senses out real or perceived threat and gives you only a few options, fight, flight or freeze. All of these protective moves are designed to do one thing: get you to immediate safety. They do not promote connection or the needs of the relationship. Since these moves get us to safety and in control they feel good in the short term. Overtime, however, they erode connection in the relationship because of how the move impacts your partner. Naming the cycle takes the response from the limbic region of your brain to the frontal cortex where we gain a better sense of understanding and organization to what is happening. In simpler words, we become less reactive and more responsive. Come get a little nerdy with us today and learn more about how relationship distress affects your brain and take the opportunity to unite with your partner and say "F the Cycle!" Make sure to leave us a rating or review to help spread the word about Foreplay. Better sex and relationships for all!

Check out our fantastic sponsors!

CozyEarth -- the most fantastic, softest, comfiest sheets you've ever slept on! Use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get 35% off site-wide!

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you take your partner's behavior personally? Learn how not to in this episode! It's common for individuals to engage in pursuing or withdrawing behaviors in their relationships. If not feeling heard or understood by your partner you might push to move through the conflict or withdraw to move away from it. Both moves are meant to create safety but can continue to cause more distress between partners. In this episode, Laurie and George discuss the moves of pursuers and withdrawers, how partners can often flip roles based on the situation and how to have a conversation that leads to understanding and connection. Listeners are reminded that you don't have to be perfect but good enough. Try asking yourself this question to understand your moves and your partner's more: What is happening for me that I am pushing/withdrawing? What could be happening for my partner that is causing them to push/withdraw? A little more vulnerability to keep it hot y'all!

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Today we are celebrating the 400th episode of Foreplay Sex Therapy Podcast! The idea for the podcast originated after Laurie was told by commercial radio that she was too spicy for broadcast. Their loss is our gain. Join Laurie and George today as they celebrate this major accomplishment AND give us all the details on women's pleasure! Listeners will walk away with do's and don'ts and many new techniques to help yourself or the lady in your life achieve sexual pleasure. If you love our show please leave us some love by rating and reviewing the podcast wherever you stream episodes. We need YOU to help us spread the word about Foreplay. Help us keep it hot y'all!!

Thanking Joe our editor! Rebecca our faithful social media person, Krista - long-serving social advisor, SamGetsSocial, our new social media help!, Madison - our former social media person, Derek - our tech guru and Dr. Adam Mathews - friend and former co-host! Send you all love - couldn't have done it without you!!!

Check out our most excellent sponsors!

Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!

Uberlube.com -- Uberlube is our preferred lubricant for great sex! It's silicone-based and won't stain, is water-soluable, and is all-around fantastic!

OMGYes.com -- Great information about women's pleasure. Science-backed information that is tasteful and helpful! A great resource that gives you language to talk about sex.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oof listeners, this is some hard content that we are discussing today! Loss of attraction is often shared as the reason for the ending of a relationship. Maybe partners never felt deeply attracted to one another, or attraction waned over the years. Regardless of the reason, this is a must have conversation before it's too late. Join George and Laurie today on ways to artfully bring this conversation up with your spouse, to help share your feelings and also mitigate disaster. While this may seem like one of those difficult, untouchable conversations if it goes unsaid it's likely to cause a deep disconnection. From this episode, you'll gain a better understanding of why you may be experiencing this, how you contribute and more confidence in how to talk about it. Download this one and make sure to leave a review and rating for Foreplay so we can continue to help partners have better sex!

Check out our sponsors!

Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order!

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What's better than two relationship experts hosting a podcast? When they invite a guest and now listeners are privy to THREE relationship experts! Join Laurie and George in a special episode where we welcome Dr. Stan Tatkin creator of PACT couples therapy. PACT is a fusion of attachment theory, developmental neuroscience, and arousal regulation. Stan is the author of several books, notably "Wired for Love" and his newest release, "In Each other's Care." Come along with us as George and Laurie role play a session with Stan and discuss the intersection between PACT and EFT all in effort to help couples create more conscious connections and loving relationships.

Check out our sponsors!

Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide!

Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How often do you check in with your spouse where there is no agenda? We often check-in on logistics and focus on the caretaking needs of the family but do you ever just have moments where you ask your partner, "How are you, really?" Join our hosts in this episode to hear about the POWER of the intentional check-in with your partner. These conversations are primed for connection and help meet the attachment needs that we all have to be heard, understood and seen by a safe and loving other. They are not solution-focused, or goal-oriented conversations and it's important to frame them as such. Intentional check-in conversations help us slow down, work on being present and open with each other. If you haven't had one recently, we encourage you to download and share this episode and get the conversation going today!

Help us spread the word about Foreplay! Please vote for us in the People's Choice Podcast Awards! Click here and find us under 'Health'!

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Manscaped -- the Performance Package 4.0 is here! Great grooming products for 'down under'! Coupon code 'foreplay' for 20% and free shipping!

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We've seen it in the movies and on TV, the sexy, good-looking couple in bed that climax together. The simultaneous orgasm is a goal many couples think they need to achieve for mind-blowing sex. The problem? It sets most of us up for failure when we don't meet the Hollywood ending. Join George and Laurie in today's discussion on how couples can achieve simultaneous orgasms, the good conversations to have around orgasms and how to talk when it doesn't work out as planned. Sex that doesn't end the way you had hoped can be disappointing. However, if you don't acquire the skill to talk about this with your partner that disappointment will fester and has the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Good sex with your partner is achievable and it starts with a good conversation about sex!

Great Love Great Sex Online Retreat coming up! Listeners, make sure you sign up for our Great Love and Great Sex virtual couples retreat happening on September 8th, 2023. Registration is open now on our website.

Check out our sponsor:

Uberlube -- Laurie has been a fan of Uberlube for years! Long before Foreplay was started. Their personal lubricants are ideal to make the sexual experience top notch! Use the code 'foreplay' to save 10%!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices