Sex With Emily

First comes love, then comes anal. Isn’t that how the song goes? On today’s best of show, we’re talking your sexual firsts: your first dating app, oral sex experience, anal play, and so much more. I help you face your fears so you can radically expand your pleasure potential. 

Up first: she’s 32 weeks pregnant and wants to keep her partner satisfied – but she’s never given him oral. Where to begin? He wants his wife to experience sex with another woman, so they can have their first threesome. But is she truly into the idea or just going along with it to please him? And last but not least - she’s got a play partner who wants to try anal, but has her reservations regarding pain and hygeine. How do you avoid a messy situation? We will unravel all this and more.

Show Notes:

• 7 New Ways to Use a Magic Wand
• Ask Emily: How Do I Deal with Anxiety During Sex?
• 6 Tips for Mastering the Game-Changing Technique of Mindful Masturbation
• How to Make an Awesome Dating App Profile
• Ask Emily: How Do I Attract a Healthy Relationship?
• How to Give a Better Blowjob
• Ask Emily: I Hate Giving My Partner Oral Sex
• Ask Emily: How Do We Prepare for a Threesome?
• Ask Emily: How Do We Find Someone for a Threesome?
• Yes, No, Maybe List: Find New Ways to Play
• Sex With Emily Guides
• How to Explore Anal Sex
• 8 Tips for the Best Anal Ever
• Easing Into Anal (Everything But Insertion)
• The 7 Best Positions For Butt Sex

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Sexual fantasies are not only normal, they’re a key component of your sexual health. But why are we attracted to certain fantasies? And is it normal to have certain fantasies, or no fantasies at all?

On this episode, I reveal your top sex fantasies and why you have them. I also divulge your fantasy success stories and questions, from CNC to cuckolding. I give you tips for expanding your erotic imagination.

Show Notes:

• 7 New Ways to Use a Magic Wand
• Ask Emily: How Do We Prepare for a Threesome?
• Your Guide to Consensual Non-Consent
• Ask Emily: How to Become More Dominant In Bed
• Pegging 101: How to Try Strap-On Sex
• The Beginner’s Guide to Role-Play
• The 5 Best Ways to Have Sex Outside
• How Do I Explore Bisexuality While in a Relationship?
• What to Do When Your Partner Says ‘No’ to Trying New Things

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So what’s the hardest part about dating? Meeting people? Making conversation? Figuring out if there’s enough chemistry? How do you have dates that leave you happy, aligned and energized, rather than defeated and hopeless?

On today’s best-of show, I’m here for your dating dilemmas. He’s new to dating, and nervous to talk to women – I give some talking points. She wants to have sex, but also wants it to be more than casual – I help refine her approach. He’s super honest about being polyamorous, but they think he needs to grow up – I coach him on how to find the right partners, while still being open. Because when it comes to dating, your people are out there – you just have to learn how to look. 

Show Notes:

• Higher Dose Infrared Sauna Blanket (use code EMILY 15% off sitewide**)
• Got A Sex or Relationship Question? Call me.
• Ask Emily: How Do I Attract a Healthy Relationship?
• How to Make an Awesome Dating App Profile
• Is Casual Sex Right For You?
• What Exactly is an “Open” Relationship? 

**(excluding Full Size Saunas)

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We’re all looking for better ways to have sex. But what if I told you the thing holding you back is your own beliefs around sex and sexuality? My guest today knows a thing or two about how to realize our own sexual well-being.

Author, filmmaker, and founder of The Sex Ed, Liz is a sexual wellness connoisseur. In her new book Sex, Health & Consciousness, Liz explains how to build a sexual consciousness for a radically happier, healthier life. She’ll help me answer your questions on masturbation, shame, BDSM, and how to rewire the way we think about pleasure. 

Show Notes:

• 7 New Ways to Use a Magic Wand
• Pre-Order Liz’s Book: Sex, Health, and Consciousness
• More Liz Goldwyn: Website | Instagram | Twitter

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Got relationship drama? Don’t we all. On today’s Best of show, I’m helping you navigate choppy relationship waters, to get to the other side safely.

First up: he just divorced, and jumped right into an ultra-serious relationship. Too soon? Next: when you’ve got a massive crush on your coworker, should you divorce your spouse and pursue your colleague instead? And if you’re not so into your partner’s bedroom style, can you teach them to be more dominant? All this and more on a particularly juicy Best Of show. 

Show Notes:

• Article: You and Your Partner Have Mismatched Sex Drives
• Article: What Your Attachment Style Says About Your Love Life
• Podcast: The Clit Notes
• XConfessions.com
• Article: 7 New Ways to Use a Magic Wand
• Foria: Awaken Arousal Oil with CBD
• Hot Octopuss Pulse III Solo
• Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo
• Aneros Helix Trident

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If you know me, you know that my dream is to have a bottle of lube on every nightstand. But why? Enhanced pleasure is one reason. And on this episode, I’ll give you several more. 

Think of this as your consumer reports on lube: I’m answering all of your lube inquiries, giving you the low-down on key ingredients, and helping you reach for the right lube at the right time. I’m also breaking down the science behind lube’s benefits, and walking you through the best options for every type of sexual occasion.  

Show Notes:

• Article: How To Find The Best Lube For You
• Playground (use code SEXWITHEMILY for 15% off first order)
• Uberlube “Good to Go” Travel Sets from Good Vibrations 
• Woo More Play Coconut Oil
• Pjur’s Back Door Lube
• Sliquid Silk
• System Jo
• Coconu
• OhLavinia
• Foria CBD Intimacy Oil
• GoLove CBD Intimate Lube
• First Response Pre-Seed
• Good Clean Love Biogenesis

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When it comes to penis parts, do you know which ones are rich with nerve endings? Which areas need a gentle touch? And which can handle more force? On today’s Best of show, I’ll give you tips for penile pleasure from head to shaft, perineum to prostate.

We also take your listener questions: when you’re in a long term relationship, who should initiate sex? If you’re not turned on by your partner of nearly a decade, what’s next? And when you’ve been masturbating for years, but discovered your entire family could hear you…how do you deal? We’ll cover all this and more. 

Show Notes:

• Playground (use code SEXWITHEMILY for 15% off first order) 
• 10 (Super Hot) Ways to Pleasure a Penis 

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It’s the question everyone has asked themselves at least once. Should I break up with my partner? Relationship success depends on so many factors - communication, emotional intimacy, and of course - sexual connection. Figuring out which problems are worth solving and which ones are directing you to the exit sign can be confusing, exhausting and painful.

So on today’s show, I take your questions - live - to figure out if you should make up or break up. Is bad sex worth leaving someone over? What about an age gap that puts both of you in much different life stages? Or how do you know if an affair has the potential to turn into something real? We learn so much from other people’s relationships. No matter where you are in your own, this will teach us all how to make better choices going forward. 

And if you want your questions answered on the next Hotline Call show, please reach out! You can leave messages online at sexwithemily.com/ask-emily or by calling 559-TALK-SEX (825-5739). Just leave your name, age, where you live and how you listen to the show! (You can always change your name or choose to remain anonymous.)

Show Notes:

• Article: How to Have Sex When You're In a Full House
• Use code EMILY for 15% off Higher Dose at-home wellness products
• Episode: Manifest Your Partner (It Worked for Me)
• Yes No Maybe List

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So you want to try a new kink? Well, you’ve come to the right podcast. On today’s Best Of show, I answer your questions and help open your mind (and body) to all things kink and BDSM - from squirting to nipple-gasms.  Pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone can lead to enhanced intimacy and heightened pleasure. All you need are the right tools, compassionate communication, patience and plenty of lube.

Show Notes:

• 6 Kink Styles (& How To Explore Them)
• Tickets to Book Release Event with Jen Freed
• Playground (get 15% off first order with code SEXWITHEMILY)

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Quiet quitting: the act of leaving without leaving. At a job, it’s refusing to stay late, not seeking out extra projects, and only doing exactly what your role requires. Critics call it lack of inspiration or hustle – but proponents say it’s simply setting boundaries.

But can quiet quitting apply to our relationships? I’ll explain the signs to look out for and how to initiate the hard conversations you may need to have with your partner. If we can put aside our inner people pleaser, we can avoid long term resentment and articulate our needs.

Show Notes:

• Playground (get 15% off first order with code SEXWITHEMILY) 
• Gottmans on Compatibility, Conflict & Conversation

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Let’s train our orgasm muscle: the pelvic floor. We all have one. And like our other muscles, strengthening it can yield physical benefits. In this case, a more explosive orgasm. 

On today’s show I put the spotlight on edging – a sex technique for more intense orgasms – and give you a slew of additional tips for maximizing your pleasure. Penis owners, do you use toys yet? Because I’ve got killer recommendations for you. People in relationships, ever been cheated on? I help one caller move through the process. Stuck in the friendzone? Through direct communication, we can all escape platonic purgatory.

Show Notes:

• Tickets to Book Release Event with Jen Freed
• Playground (get 15% off first order with code SEXWITHEMILY) 
• How to Climax Harder and Faster

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How do you know if you’re bisexual? In honor of Bisexuality Visibility Day, author Jen Winston helps me answer just that. In her book Greedy: Notes From a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much, Jen reveals how she came to terms with her bisexuality, in a world that loves to slap stereotypes on it: greedy, slutty, and constantly confused.

Whether you’re a vulva owner in a heterosexual partnership who wants to explore same sex fantasies, or a penis owner who has recently come out as gay but still has thoughts about the opposite sex, Jen helps us all understand why sexuality is about so much more than who you’re sleeping with. Because after all, your sexuality is less about the destination and more about the journey to get there. 

Show Notes:

• Tickets to Book Release Event with Jen Freed
• Jen Winston’s book Greedy: Notes From a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much
• Open by Rachel Krantz
• Jen Winston on Twitter

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Let’s manifest our dream partners and our best sex. Because listen: if our romantic lives aren’t aligned with the people we actually are, we have an opportunity to change that. 

Today, I’ll tell you how I manifested my own partner, the specific steps used to get there, and why the science behind this practice works. I’ll also answer your questions about finding the one and how manifestation can apply to your everyday dating and sex dilemmas. 

Show Notes:

• 15 Types of Sexuality and Attraction To Help You Understand Your Desire Style
• Joe Dispenza - Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
• Introducing Playground's chief sexologist

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Do you fake orgasms? Be honest. Whether we feel pressured to end the sexual experience, or simply don’t know how to orgasm with a partner, faking it is common for every gender and orientation. 

So on today’s episode, we discuss how to hold out for the real thing while also restoring your sex life. What do you do when it’s not just your orgasm that’s gone missing, but your entire sex life? Or how about when it's physical pain holding you back from having more pleasure? I’ll help callers with these questions and others as we embark on a mission to get you back to orgasming and back to a more pleasurable sex life.

Show Notes:

• How Do I Tell My Partner I've Been Faking Orgasms?

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What’s your sex language? We all have one. And once we’re fluent in the four types, we can expand our repertoire to more effectively please our partner – and advocate for what we want.

In today’s episode, we will explore just that with psychologist and astrologer Jen Freed. Her forthcoming book “A Map to Your Soul: Using the Astrology of Fire, Earth, Air, and Water to Live Deeply and Fully” explains how these elements relate to the type of sex we want and how to create an erotic field with our partner. Dr. Freed offers a formula for alchemizing amazing sex by combining the principles of psychology and astrology, along with curious communication. 

Show Notes:

• Is Casual Sex Right For You?
• Pre-order A Map to Your Soul
• More Jen Freed: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Website

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Dating as an adult is exhausting. While experience comes with age, actually applying that experience is easier said than done…even for professionals. 

With me today are two therapy professionals who also happen to be partners: John Kim and Vanessa Bennett. Their book “It’s Not Me, It’s You” offers an anecdotal road map of how to “relationship better,” from overcoming commitment issues, to fanning the sex flames, to breaking the blame cycle. John and Vanessa expertly dissect their own relationship to inspire us to create healthy bonds with the people we love. Listen to learn why “the one” is a myth, how to wean ourselves off codependency and how to replace obligatory sex with erotic collaboration.

Show Notes:

• More John Kim: Instagram | Twitter | Website
• More Vanessa Bennett: Instagram | Website | Podcast
• Pegging 101: How to try strap-on Sex

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To peg, or not to peg? That’s the question we’re going to push into today… and yes, pun intended. Pegging, which typically involves a penis owner being penetrated through the use of a strap-on dildo by a vulva owner, seems to be more popular than ever. 

But arguably more than other forms of pleasure, strap on sex challenges the way we think about masculinity, femininity and heteronormative pleasure. Role reversal and anal play require a great deal of trust, empathy and vulnerability. But if partners can work through these challenges, the payoff can be immense. And that’s why on today’s episode, I want to explore not just the steps partners should take to responsibly explore strap on intercourse, but also how the benefits can go way beyond the bedroom.

Show Notes:

• Do’s and Dont’s of Anal Sex
• How to Find The Best Lube For You
• Savage Love by Dan Savage
• Best Sex Toys for Couples
• Harnesses and Anal-Safe Dildos from Good Vibrations 
• Ask Emily: My Partner Is Friendly With Other Guys

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How can you be bold in the bedroom? I’ve got the boldness queen herself, Jen Cohen of the “Habits & Hustle” podcast, to tell us how to design the life you actually want — including, of course, your sex life.

Jen explains the 10% Target Mindset, the difference between what you want and what you need when it comes to sexual partners, how to build better intimacy habits, and how to normalize failure so that you take more risks. That’s where boldness comes in: to identify what you want, and be brave enough to work for it.

Show Notes:

• Jen Cohen TED Talk
• Falling Forward by Jen Cohen
• Website
• Instagram
• “Habits & Hustle” podcast
• Embodied is the New Sexy: 5 Benefits of Living A Radically Embodied Life

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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a sexually fluid relationship? As in, you and your partner discuss bisexuality openly…either yours, theirs, or both? What about having multiple partners? Or trying a threesome together? Are these possibilities you’d consider, or are you like: NO THANK U, NEXT! 

Well on today’s best-of show, I’ve got two individuals who can tell you exactly what it’s like to be in a successful, alternative relationship. First you’ll hear from actor/model Nico Tortorella on navigating bisexuality, how sex changed once they got sober, and what it’s like for them to fall for someone outside of their primary partnership. 

Next, you’ll hear from MMA fighter, fellow podcaster and Aussie fan fave Jason Ellis on how he and his fiance (now wife) conduct a radically open relationship, why he’s thrilled for another man to give her sexual pleasure, and his best recommendations for your first threesome. Come for the open minds, stay for the sex tips. 

Show Notes:

• Where is the Clitoris?
• The Love Bomb w/ Nico Tortorella
• The Jason Ellis Show

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Casual sex gets a bad rap. We associate it with hookup culture, with disposability, with mindless Tinder swipes. But it doesn’t have to be that way: when approached with an intentional, conscious mindset, casual sex can be exactly what you need to feel erotic and energized again. The key? Knowing yourself – and knowing precisely what you want to get out of your casual sex experience. 

On today’s show, I parse out all the different types of casual sex out there, and offer some research that may surprise you. Next, I discuss how you know if casual sex is right for you, and when it’s best to say, “no thank you.” Finally, I coach you on how to make your casual sex encounters fulfilling, with maturity, self-awareness, and of course – an orgasm or two. Or ten. 

Show Notes:

• 7 Myths of Non Monogamy
• Friends With Benefits: A Guide

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What’s holding you back in bed? We’ve all got our pain points: body image, not being able to tell your partner what you want, feeling embarrassed to make noise or express yourself. But I asked you how you overcame sexual insecurities, and you came back with SOLID advice. So on today’s show, along with my advice, we’re spreading the sexual confidence gospel using tips from the Sex With Emily community.

First, we get into body image: how to hack your brain to feel more comfortable in your skin. Next, I talk about my favorite subject: communicating with your partner, to create a culture of sex positivity. Finally, I’ve got a particularly juicy tip to help you let go in bed and express yourself without inhibition — to hear it, just take a listen to this episode.

Show Notes:

• Ask Emily: My Partner Watches Porn a LIttle Too Enthusiastically
• Feeld
• Fet Life
• First Date, First Orgasm, First Threesome 

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If you build a sex room, they will come. That’s the idea behind the new Netflix show “How to Build a Sex Room,” and on today’s episode I’ve got designer Melanie Rose here with me to discuss her real-life erotic renovations.

From a rock n’ roll dungeon to a high-end sex spa, Melanie has all kinds of decor ideas you can steal: spanking benches, wall-mounted handcuffs, soundproofing wall art. All of these are client-approved sex innovations, but the show has a touching side too. You get to see all kinds of clients, from suburbanites to polycules, parents to long-distance couples, discuss their fantasies and sexual desires – some of them for the very first time. And you know I’m all about that. 

Show Notes:

• For More Melanie Rose: Netflix show | Instagram | Website | Pinterest 
• Where is The Clitoris?
• Liberator Throw Blanket

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Let’s get sexually adventurous, people. On today’s hotline calls show, you’re bringing the novelty, and I am one hundred percent here for it. 

Jumping right in: can you use the same sex toy with multiple partners? Let’s find out. If you’re in your 20s and hooking up with a much older woman, is that ok? Or what if you’re all about female empowerment, except you ARE a female, and you DO want to be choked and spanked in bed? Finally: there’s a first time for everything, so should you tell a partner that you’ve never had penetration before? Or what if you’re married, and ready to experience your first open relationship – except your spouse isn’t on-board? All this and more on a particularly juicy hotline calls show.

Show Notes:

• Shop Page 
• Vesper Vibrator Necklace
• Bellesa
• Sex, Porn & (Erika) Lust 
• No Shame, Just Sex w/ Erin Tillman 
• Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
• The Ethical Slut
• Open Deeply 
• It’s Open (Relationship) Season w/ Dr. Wednesday Martin
• Orgasms & Oral (No Penetration Required)
• First Date, First Orgasm, First Threesome 

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Gotta love relationship advice delivered in a thick New York accent. I’ve got Adam Ferrara on the show today, and we’re healing your emotional triggers so you can have thriving interpersonal connections. Capiche? 

Adam and I talk meditation and breathwork for anxiety, the difference between responding and reacting to your partner, how to cultivate a felt sense of your emotions, and the difference between worry and responsibility. As a self-described co-dependent, Catholic Italian, Adam is as real as it gets about getting vulnerable and doing self-work, so you can experience better love, sex, and communication. We also help a caller in her 20s get more selfish in the bedroom – because when it comes to sex, selfishness can be a real virtue. 

Show Notes:

More Adam Ferrara: Youtube Comedy Special | Website | Instagram | Twitter | Podcast

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Let’s talk about non-monogamy! In the nearly two decades since I’ve been doing the show, I’ve never gotten so much interest in this topic as I am right now. Which is why I’m joined today by cultural anthropologist Dr. Wednesday Martin, who in addition to researching non-monogamy for her books and articles, has first-hand experience opening up her own marriage. 

On today’s episode, Wednesday reveals what modern sex research shows about female sexuality and long-term, monogamous relationships: a woman’s desire typically wanes between year 1 to 4. In addition, Wednesday and I discuss the difference between non-monogamy, swinging and polyamory, how to go about finding a partner outside of your primary relationship, how to set rules, and the surprising ways opening up improved her own partnership. 

Show Notes:

• More Wednesday Martin: Website | Instagram | Twitter | Youtube
• Untrue by Wednesday Martin
• 7 Myths of Non-Monogamy
• Feeld
• Opening Up by Tristan Taormino
• Open Monogamy: A Guide to Co-Creating Your Ideal Relationship Agreement by Tammy Nelson
• The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities
• Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships
• Crazy on the Inside: A Memoir of Nobody Special
• Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non Monogamy
• The Anxious Person’s Guide to Non-Monogamy: Your Guide to Open Relationships, Polyamory and Letting Go
• More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory

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Have you ever tried anal play? Anal sex? Because if not, here’s my question to you…what’s holding you back?

For most folks, the answer is fear. We’re scared it will hurt, scared that we don’t know what we’re doing, scared we’ll feel ashamed if we just so happen to love it. That’s why I’ve got two of the anal pleasure experts on the show today, to help demystify and destigmatize anal play, and help you open up yet another pathway to pleasure. Dr. Evan Goldstein and Alicia Sinclair talk to me about anal orgasms (not a myth), the importance of anal training, how to prepare hygienically, and how to strengthen the mind-booty connection for a successful, erotic anal experience. 

Show Notes:

• Anal Play: A Beginner's Guide OR Prostate Play 101
• More Evan Goldstein: Website | Instagram | Bespoke Surgical | Future Method
• More B-vibe: Website | Instagram

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If you’ve never talked about your sex life with your partner before, there’s a good chance they’ll push back. Why? Because most of us go into fight or flight mode when talking about sex: it’s not normalized in our culture, we get defensive, we feel like we’re being criticized. But never fear – you can create a culture of sex communication in your relationship, one talk at a time. Be the change, is what I’m saying.

On today’s hotline show, I take your calls about having a sex talk. Like: telling your wife you want her to massage your prostate. Or telling a partner you want your vanilla sex to be a little spicier. How to relax into oral and give your partner tips to make you scream, and how to tell your partner: “you know what? I need to be seduced a little before we jump into penetration.” If we can talk about sex like we talk about dinner, everyone wins! So take a listen to this episode, and see if your next sex talk isn’t a little bit easier. 

Show Notes:

• Embodied is The New Sexy: 5 Benefits of Living a Radically Embodied Life 
• A+ Oral Sex for Vulvas
• Everybody Loves Oral
• Ask Emily: How Do I Better Enjoy Oral Sex? 
• Mind-Blowing Oral Sex in Under 5 Minutes: The Kivin Method

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Do you always have sex on the the first date? Do you always swipe right on people who aren’t good for you? What are your bad dating habits – and how can you break them?

I asked you to tell me what negative dating patterns you’re trying to change, and you all delivered! On today’s show, I’m addressing your top dating problems so we can solve them together. Having sex too soon, trying to “fix” less-than-ideal partners, fear of asserting yourself, having misaligned expectations, the tendency to audition people for the role of life partner – we’re covering it all, so you can feel empowered with new partners and have an amazing time with existing partners. 

Show Notes:

• Ask Emily: Tips for French Kissing 
• Am I Dating a Narcissist? w/ Dr Ramani
• How to Not Die Alone w/ Logan Ury
• Orgasms and Oral (No Penetration Required) 
• More About EMDR Therapy

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When it comes to sex, why was the world set up so that vulva owners are the ones in charge of preventing a pregnancy? That’s the central question of a Twitter thread that went viral in 2018, and on today’s show I’ve got Gabrielle Stanley Blair, the author of that thread – and a forthcoming book, Ejaculate Responsibly – here to talk about it. I’m also joined by anthropologist, author, and my dear friend Dr. Wednesday Martin, to unpack this fascinating topic. 

In a post-Roe world, Gabrielle is calling for a wholesale shift in the way we think about pregnancy prevention: namely, by inviting penis owners and their bodies into the conversation. On today’s show, we talk condoms and sexual pleasure, how society pressures vulva owners to become mothers, how to talk to young men about ejaculating responsibly, why MORE sex ed leads to LESS unwanted pregnancies, and why Gabrielle – mother of six and a Mormon – is passionate about arguing that women’s lives matter, and so does their pleasure. 

One more thing: Can pre-ejaculate, or pre-cum, cause unwanted pregnancy? Pre-ejaculate actually does NOT contain sperm. However, any sperm remaining in the urethra from a previous ejaculation may be carried out with pre-cum which would have a chance of causing a pregnancy.

The solution? Urinate before having sex to flush out any leftover sperm, and, as always, wear a condom!

For more information, visit Teen Health Source.

Show Notes:

• More Gabrielle Blair: Instagram | Twitter | Website 
• Gabrielle’s Viral Twitter Thread
• More information about her forthcoming book: Ejaculate Responsibly
• More Dr Wednesday Martin: Instagram | Twitter  | Website 
• The Secret to Better Sex? Talking About It

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Anxiety, depression and low self-worth all block our sexual pleasure. But on a more fundamental level, they block us from showing up in the world the way we’d like: as confident, happy, sexy people. That’s why I invited my own therapist, Dr. Anadel Barbour, to talk to us through healing those intrusive thoughts. If you’re ready, your internal work starts today. 

On this best-of episode, Dr. Barbour and I discuss EMDR therapy, the four foundations of mindfulness, how to physically move through trauma, healing shame, and how to know if you’re in constant fight or flight. We also touch on sex and pain, and mindfulness in and out of the bedroom. If you’ve ever considered therapy but are on the fence about it, I hope this episode gives you some encouragement – because healing emotional wounds can truly transform your sex life.

Show Notes:

• More Dr Anadel Barbour: Website | Instagram | Twitter 
• Sex In Sobriety by Dr Anadel Barbour
• More About EMDR Therapy
• Overcoming 4 Common Sex Fears

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Ah, weddings. So ceremonial. So floral. After two years of postponements and cancellations, IRL weddings are back – but are all those newlyweds talking about their sex life? They probably should be! 

Married sex is full of tired, toxic cliches that I’m personally ready to bust. We don’t have to settle for absent or boring sex as we grow old together. So on today’s episode, I’m making the case for writing your sex vows before you walk down the aisle, helping you recreate honeymoon sex if you’ve been married for ages, and giving you a lay of the land culturally-speaking on how we’re thinking about sex and relationships now. Plus, I take your questions: how to navigate bisexuality in a straight marriage, what it means if you find yourself jealous at your friend’s weddings and how to bring back the spark…when the spark was a little dim in the first place. 

Show Notes:

• Ask Emily: Tips for French Kissing 
• The Yes No Maybe List
• The Pleasure Planner
• Hinge
• Bumble
• Feeld
• #Open
• FetLife
• Skirt Club 

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What cultural or religious programming do you have around sex? Even if you didn’t grow up in a church, sexual shame is – in so many ways – the air we breathe. But here’s the reality: you didn’t put those thoughts there. Someone else did. And on today’s show with guest Erin Tillman, we’re calling out those judgmental messages, and choosing the sex messaging that actually serves us. The result? A radically more authentic, more liberated sex life.

As an inclusive dating coach, Erin is no stranger to shame – and she’s heard it all from her clients. Whether it was that one rude thing a partner said that haunted you for years, or a parent that told you masturbation was dirty, shame love to hide in the shadows…and hold you back in the bedroom. So on today’s show, Erin and I talk about how we healed our own sexual shame, dropped performative sex, and got comfortable with the word “no.” You’ll also learn the difference between “no” and “not yet” when it comes to dating, how to make good choices on dating apps, and how to flip your internal shame script.

Show Notes:

• More Erin Tillman Website | Twitter | Instagram
• Yes No Maybe List

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It’s a good time to expand our definition of sex. At the end of the day, sex is play for adults: it’s where we collaborate with another person, creating a momentary world of pleasure and eroticism with them. But so often, we assume that sex equals penetration, and here’s the problem with that: not everyone orgasms during penetration. Not everyone feels erotic during penetration! So let’s make sex more interesting and exploratory, shall we?

On today’s show, I’m talking up all the different types of non-penetrative sex – like mutual masturbation, sensual massage, toys, hand stuff – to help you break out of a conventional sex script, and have sex that’s more tailored to your personality and desires. Because you never have to take penetration off the table entirely…but what would happen if you took it off the table for a little while? (Hint: probably more orgasms.) 

Show Notes:

• Prostate Play 101
• Want to Try a Sex Cleanse? 
• Penis Problems, Solved 
• Shop with Emily
• 4 Ways to Close The Orgasm Gap
• First Date, First Orgasm, First Threesome 

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How much do you know about your partner’s sexual language? Or your own sexual language? In this best of episode, sex educator, author and licensed therapist Jamye Waxman is here to talk about core erotic blueprints, sexual accelerators and brakes, and the sixth love language: space and freedom. 

Jamye and I talk through the communication skills you need to help your sexual connection thrive, because if resentment is the relationship killer…curiosity is the relationship healer. So in this show, you’ll learn how to turn your communication style from critical to curious, as you and your partner learn who you both are as erotic beings. 

Show Notes:

• For More Jamye Waxman: Website | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook
• The Secrets to Better Sex? Talk About It
• More About Your Erotic Blueprint
• Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

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Jenny Mollen is the author of City of Likes, a fictional comedy about mommy influencer culture and the intensity of female friendships – especially when one of them is a narcissist. Are they obsessed with each other? Do they want to have sex with each other? And what do you do when someone’s perfectly-curated facade finally cracks? 

Jenny and I met years ago, and I know you’ll love her just as much as I do. Besides being a bestselling author, she’s also an actor, host of the hilarious “Third Wheel with Jenny Mollen” podcast, a mom, and wife to actor Jason Biggs. On this episode, she talks about the personal experiences with social media that inspired her book, why she wants to see a sex therapist, and helps me answer your sex and relationship questions. For example, if you’re in a relationship, is it ok to comment on someone else’s Instagram telling them how attractive they are? Jenny and I give it to you straight. 

Show Notes:

• For More Jenny Mollen: Podcast | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | Website
• Her New Book: City of Likes
• Overcoming 4 Common Sex Fears
• Am I Dating a Narcissist? W/ Dr Ramani 

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It’s my strong belief that pleasure is the antidote to fear, now and always. But when it comes to sex, we really can be our own worst enemies: what if my new partner sees me naked, and decides to jet? What if I try out some dirty talk, and my partner laughs at me? What if I approach someone cute…and they say ‘no thank you’?

Fear can be crippling to our sex drive – but it can also be digested and processed. To do that, we can check the facts, we can remember that most things aren’t personal, and we can talk about our fears out loud. (Meditation helps too!) So on today’s best of episode, I’m talking to you all about YOUR sex fears: period sex, sharing a fetish with a new partner, old traumas, fear that you’ll never get over an ex, and much more to help you live YOUR most free, sexually healthy life.

Show Notes:

• The Secret to Better Sex? Talking About It

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Shaun T is host of the podcast “Trust and Believe,” a world renowned fitness trainer, and a professional dancer. Not to mention a wonderfully sex positive man, but it was a journey – I repeat, a JOURNEY – to get there.

On today’s show, Shaun T gives me his genius sex and arousal hacks, how he and his partner keep things interesting after 12 years and two kids, plus…his favorite kink. He also opens up about surviving childhood sexual assault, how he came to understand and accept his sexuality, and the trauma work he did to get to where he is today. Trust me: if you need an instant pick-me-up around your sex, sexuality, or your body, this is *the* conversation for you. 

Show Notes:

• More Shaun T: Podcast | Instagram | Website | Twitter | Youtube
• What’s Your Arousal Type?
• These Are the Five Arousal Styles. Which One Are You?

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Despite their reputation as magical, mysterious events, orgasms are way more accessible than most of us realize, once we understand the science behind them. (And OK yeah, I admit – they’re pretty magical.)

As everyone’s favorite muscle spasm, the orgasm is a series of contractions from your pelvic floor muscles, which all of us have, and all of us can strengthen. But what else sets you up for orgasmic success? What if you can experience one alone, but not with a partner? What if you can orgasm in your sleep, but not in waking life? And what if you want to experience different kinds of orgasm (like anal) or, want multiples? I say: be greedy with your orgasm and listen to this best of episode, where we answer all these O questions and more.   

Show Notes:

• 6 Kink Styles (& How to Explore Them)

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What do you need to get in the mood for sex? Have a lively conversation? Be touched in a suggestive way? Put on something sexy…or, have your partner get dressed up for you?

Today’s episode is all about arousal styles, and today, I’ll be looking at five. The science of sexual arousal is ever-evolving, but on this show I’m looking at some of the most common ways people get turned on (through conversation, visuals, touch, play or physical adventure), helping you ID what your style is, and what behaviors you can do in the moment to get it going. Kind of like love languages, but for sex. I’m also talking about the difference between arousal and desire, and, taking your questions! How to have sex when you’re stressed, anti-depressants numbing out your vulva, and if it’s OK to be more excited for masturbation than partnered sex. 

Show Notes:

• There Are 5 Arousal Styles. Which One Are You?
• Sex Up Your Love Language
• Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex w/ Ian Kerner 
• The Yes No Maybe List
• You’re Kinkier Than You Think, Part 1
• You’re Kinkier Than You Think, Part 2

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It’s one of the most common questions I get: how do I initiate sex the right way?

Listen: there’s no one “right” way to initiate sex. But I’ll be honest, it might take a little warm up period to get everyone ready and on the same page. That’s because sex is just as much a head game as a body one, so in this episode, we’re helping you calm your nerves before initiation, recover from failed initiations, and walk into each sexual encounter with more confidence. At the end of the day, we all crave intimacy, and we all want to please our partners – and by the end of this episode, I think you’ll feel much more clear on how to arouse your partner. 

Show Notes:

• 6 Ways to Upgrade Your 69
• She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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What does it mean exactly, when someone says they’re a voyeur? A sub? A cuckhold or an exhibitionist? It’s part 2 of our “You’re Kinkier Than You Think” series…and folks, we are getting a kinky education. 

On today’s episode, I’m walking you through your sexual fantasies to see where you land on the kink spectrum. I’m talking submission and domination, exhibitionism and voyeurism, even a little humiliation, if that’s your preferred kink flavor. But because kink is play, I’m also giving you some specific ideas for how to explore these fantasies IRL – and, bonus, I’m taking all of your kinky questions. 

Show Notes:

• Ask Emily: Kink and BDSM Ideas
• 6 Kink Styles (& How to Explore Them) 
• You’re Kinkier Than You Think, Part 1
• Coming Together w/ Celeste & Danielle
• Emily’s Shop Page 
• How to Dom with Your Text Messages 
• Kink & Casual Sex Justin Lehmiller
• The Communication Guide 

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What would the world be like if we didn’t have shame about sex? Can you imagine how different your life would be, if you were told that sexual pleasure was healthy? If you were given the memo early on that masturbation was legit self-care, and that sex itself was joyful and good for you, rather than a one-way ticket to STI’s and unwanted pregnancy?  

Today’s best-of show is all about being the change we want to see in the world: becoming people who are conversant and comfortable discussing sex, because this is how we evolve people. Plus, I take your calls! Why using toys during sex is the literal best, what the hell a “lube shooter” is, and how to lovingly - persuasively - ask your partner for more oral. 

Show Notes:

• 6 Hottest Masturbation Moves
• Relax, It’s Just Anal w/ Dr. Hernando Chaves 
• Seducing The Booty w/ Alicia Sinclair

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When you hear the words “BDSM” and “kink,” what comes to mind? Leather? Whips? The truth is, all of us are a little kinky – you may just not have realized it yet. That’s why today’s episode is part 1 of a two-part BDSM and kink education series, where I help demystify this world and give you fun, safe options for exploring. Dungeons optional. 

First, we’re defining our terms and getting a grasp on kink and BDSM – including, what the hell “BDSM” actually means. Next, we’re taking a look at core desires to help you identify yours, and talking about the psychology of power and play. Finally, I’m giving you some entry-level ways to bring kink to the bedroom, whether you’re coupled or single…and, answering all of your kinky questions. 

Show Notes:

• 6 Kink Styles (& How to Explore Them)
• Ask Emily: Kink and BDSM Ideas
• Coming Together w/ Celeste and Danielle
• The Yes No Maybe List 
• 5 Easy Steps to Start Exploring
• The Communication Guide 
• Kink & Casual w/ Justin Lehmiller
• 5 BDSM Games to Spice Up Your Sex Life Tonight
• BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide to Kink
• You’re Kinkier Than You Think, Part 2

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Whether it’s erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or a slight penis curve, it’s common to have penis questions – especially when they’re affecting your sex life. But where do you go for answers? You come right here, to this informative convo between me and urologist Dr. Edward Karpman, as well as Jeff Abraham of Promescent. 

On this best-of show, we’re talking to you all about penis shockwave therapy, what to do when you can get erect (but aren’t climaxing), what to do when you take ED meds (but aren’t getting hard), and much more. Plus, I take your intimacy questions! How to get out of your head during sex, how to reduce anxiety in the run-up to intercourse, and how to effectively work with your penis as you get older. 

Show Notes:

Missionary Sex Position - New and Improved

For more Dr. Karpman: Website | Instagram

For more information about Promescent: Website | Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

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If you’re a parent or caregiver, should you talk to your child about masturbation? Yes. You absolutely should, even if it’s awkward, even if your own parents didn’t talk about it with you. (And let’s be real: they probably didn’t.) But I get it – finding the words can be hard, especially for such a touchy subject. That’s why today’s episode is devoted entirely to giving you tools, scripts and resources to help you.

First, I give you the big why: Why should you talk to your children, and teens specifically, about masturbation? I’ll give you several science-backed reasons why it’s wise to do so. Next, we’ll do some masturbation myth-busting, to help alleviate any concerns, on their part or yours, that it’s harmful or unhealthy. Great news: it’s not! And finally, I’ll walk you through how to have this conversation, with specific verbiage you can use to help put yourself and your child at ease. Don’t worry caregivers: I got you, and in this episode I’ll also answer your questions about teens and sex. Should you talk to your teen about ethical porn? What should you do if a teen daughter starts asking about sex toys? All this and more on today’s show. 

Show Notes:

• Sex Positive Families: Website | Instagram
• Dr Lanae St John: Book | On Sex with Emily
• Shafia Zaloom: Book | On Sex with Emily
• Cory Silverberg: Website
• What should I teach my high school-aged teen about sex and sexuality?
• Masturbation Pro Tips (Part 1)
• Masturbation Pro Tips (Part 2)
• The Communication Guide 
• Big Mouth
• Sex Education 
• Good Vibrations

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On any given day, how do you talk about sex? Do you bone? Screw? Make love? According to my guest Amanda Montell, author of Wordslut, Cultish, and host of the podcast “Sounds Like a Cult,” the words we use to discuss sex reveals our attitudes about sex as a whole – even shaping the way we show up in the bedroom.   

In this fascinating best of episode, Amanda and I talk about sex slang and body part euphemisms, like the fact that we frequently cute-ify female genitals to make them less threatening. But before you go, “oh this is thinky academic stuff,” know this: practically-speaking, your sex life WILL improve as your communication improves. Listen in, as Amanda and I play with language to get the sex we want. 

For More Amanda Montell:

• Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language
• Sounds Like a Cult Podcast | Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism
• Website | Instagram | Twitter

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How exactly does masturbation help a sexual partnership? Let me count the ways…

It’s Part 2 of our Masturbation Pro Tips series, and in today’s episode, we’re talking solo sex in the context of a relationship. I’m addressing some of the most common questions I get on the subject, such as: “if I already have a partner, why masturbate?” and: “if I masturbate in private, is it cheating?” We also discuss whether or not you should tell your partner if you masturbate, and touch briefly on porn addiction: starting with, is it real? Plus, I take your questions! How to set up your own “masturbation zone” when you live with a partner, whether it’s possible to have fantasy-free masturbation sessions, what to do if you can orgasm on your own but not with a partner, and much more. 

Show Notes:

• How to Find the Best Lube for You
• Masturbation Pro Tips (Part 1)

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Missionary gets a bad rap. I’ve seen it called the “comfy sweater” of sex – and can we talk about the name? Not sexy. Almost…anti-sexy. But despite its label, I don’t think that’s why missionary is considered vanilla or boring. It’s simply the default position, the one a lot of us fall into automatically – making it easier for us to tune out, phone it in, and miss out on any potential eroticism. 

So on today’s episode, we’re going to make missionary more exploratory, as I address some of your common complaints. Such as: how do we make it more exciting? I’ll tell you all the reasons I love missionary, and give you technique tips to make it more surprising and fun. Next, vulva owners: are you having a hard time reaching orgasm in missionary? Of course you are: it’s not the prime position for clitoral stimulation, so I’ll offer position hacks that make it more pleasurable. Finally, is it possible to be kinky during missionary? Oh yeah: from bondage to dirty talk, we can leverage all that eye contact to turn it into the hot experience you crave.  

Show Notes: 

Missionary Sex Position - New and Improved

The “Bottom” Line On Anal w/ Dr Evan Goldstein 

Pillo by Dame

Position Breakdown: Doggy Style Vs Cat Position

Magic Wand Mini

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Housewife turned billion-dollar co-founder Lisa Bilyeu is the picture of confidence: she’s got a thriving business, a partner she adores, and basically, is a literal boss. But she also overcame illness, insecurity, and massive relationship challenges to get where she is today.

In her new book Radical Confidence, Lisa shares the lessons that changed her life, and helped her become the hero of her own story. On today’s show, I ask her about keeping the sexual spark alive in a longterm relationship, the “purgatory of the mundane,” and how to have a growth mindset with your partner.

Show Notes:

• More: Radical Confidence
• More Lisa: Instagram 
• How to Find The Best Lube for You

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So listen: is sex addiction real? We’ve all heard stories of infidelity followed by explanations of sex addiction as the reason for the behavior. But the truth is, just because someone cheats doesn’t mean they’re a sex addict. 

According to therapist Marnie Breecker from the Center for Relational Healing, sex addiction is indeed real: it’s an intimacy disorder with both emotional and physiological symptoms. On this best of show, Marnie and I talk about the common and compulsive behaviors of sex addiction, the deep human need for love and connection, affordable treatment options, love addiction, a how-to on IMAGO therapy (a great tool for communication) and healing steps for couples. 

Show Notes:

• More Marnie: Website | Instagram 
• Sex Addicts Anonymous

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