How To! with Mike Pesca

This summer, Hillary and her fiancé will be moving into their first home together. It's an upgrade from their apartment, and they get to design it from scratch. Hillary is really looking forward to entertaining friends and even growing their family in the space. She wants to design the interior of the house so it feels like a home, but she has no idea where to start, style-wise. On this episode of How To!, host Carvell Wallace brings on award-winning interior designer Corey Damen Jenkins. Corey runs a design firm, teaches, and is the author of Design Remix. He breaks down everything from how to find your style (hint: look in your closet) to creating mood boards to balancing color so it doesn't become overwhelming. No matter if you're on a shoestring budget or can splurge on the space—Corey's advice will help you love where you live.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Dress with Confidence."

Do you wonder how best to use your time? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Joey is a young creative living in Australia who can't decide which hat to wear. Should it be songwriting, skateboarding, acting, or should he focus more on his day job as a retail clerk? Fitting everything in during the week seems impossible and he feels guilty when he can't cross everything off his checklist. On this episode of How To!, co-host Amanda Ripley brings in journalist Oliver Burkeman, the author of 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. He explains how he too once wanted to do it all, but eventually realized that it's just not feasible. As Joey learns, letting go of some things and focusing on what really matters can actually lead to the 'joy of missing out.'

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Never Miss a Deadline"

Do you wonder how best to use your time? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Sharon is 38 and never been kissed. This, as she acknowledges, is "a bit weird." As a nurse who loves ballroom dancing, Sharon is smart, funny, and attractive. At the same time, she's deeply religious and has been waiting so long for the perfect man she worries that she'll never find "The One." In this classic How To! episode, founding host Charles Duhigg brings in one of New York City's finest matchmakers, Lisa Clampitt, for some tough love. Lisa believes Sharon has a lot going for her, but in order to find her first kiss she needs to go on a lot more second dates. This is no fairytale, but sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.

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Keith prides himself on being a good dad to his three sons. But in a post-pandemic world with looming student debt and uncertain opportunities, the future can be really scary. He's especially worried about his middle son Ben, an introvert who doesn't know what to do after he graduates high school this year. On this episode of How To! host Carvell Wallace brings on Rebecca Lavoie. She's a versatile podcaster and former co-host on Slate's parenting show Mom and Dad are Fighting. She's also a recent empty nester, and has some tough love for Keith about how he can stop fretting and find more joy in his own life.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Fill an Empty Nest"

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Yuzuha has been interviewing people for six years. She's a journalist based in Japan who writes about business and technology but has dreamed of working in broadcast, interviewing people for an audience. Her first challenge is coming sooner than she expected. Yuzuha was asked to moderate a panel at a big conference in Tokyo. She wants to know how to speak with confidence, capture an audience, and ensure her questions get answered without putting on a fake persona. On this episode of How To!, Amanda Ripley brings on journalist Meghna Chakrabarti. Meghna is the host of On Point, a public radio show, where she is known for her artful live interviews that help her audience make sense of the world. Meghna has some wonderful advice for Yuzuha (and all of us) on how to harness your voice and ensure you're advocating for your audience.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Speak Up So Others Listen."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Earlier this year, our listener, Rell, nearly failed a promotion. Not because she was unprepared or unqualified, but because she didn't maintain enough eye contact with the interviewers. Rell's eye hasn't been fully receiving information since she was born, a condition that's outwardly visible and known colloquially as a "lazy eye." It's beginning to affect her self-confidence and is this "ugly thing [she] can't let go of." On this episode of How To!, new co-host Carvell Wallace brings on Sarah Ruhl. Sarah is an award-winning playwright, and author who wrote about her experience with Bell's palsy in her recent book, Smile: The Story of a Face. Sarah has some wonderful advice for letting go of your inner rage, making interactions with strangers less painful, and even finding people who light up your mirror neurons.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Dress with Confidence."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

January is barely two weeks old and already some of our ambitious New Year's resolutions may be starting to fade. No shame! Approximately 90% of resolution makers don't reach their goal. Which means there's gotta be a better way. Our listener this week, Emily, is discouraged about her unhealthy eating and lack of exercise and wants to form better habits that last long after the new year. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Maya Shankar. Maya is a cognitive scientist and host of the award-winning podcast, A Slight Change of Plans. Relying on decades of research, she helps Emily (and all of us) set ourselves up for success based on what works for actual humans.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Eat Whatever You Want" and "How To Lose Weight and Keep It Off"

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

In the wake of the anniversary of the January 6th insurrection, and now similar riots in Brazil's capital, we're picking up our conversation about how to reduce political violence. In the first episode of our two-part series, we heard from Dr. Rachel Kleinfeld, senior fellow at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. This week, we're talking with Curtis Toler, director of outreach at Chicago CRED. After joining his first street organization at the age of 9, Curtis went from a gang leader to a violence interrupter. He talks about how to reach people entrenched in cycles of conflict, how to get to the peace table, and what Congress (and all of us) can learn from his success on the streets of Chicago.

Resources:

Chicago CRED

A Savage Order: How the World's Deadliest Countries Can Forge a Path to Security by Rachel Kleinfeld

An Ex-Gang Leader's Advice for Deescalating Violence in Politics by Amanda Ripley

If you liked this episode, check out: "​​How To Talk Politics With Your Dad (Without Yelling) Part 1 and Part 2."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

Want a behind-the-scenes look at how we create the show? Check out Slate's Pocket Collections for research and reading lists, as well as additional insights into how we think about the stories behind the episodes.

It's been two years since the January 6th riot at the US Capitol in Washington DC. Over 900 people have been criminally charged, but political violence continues to be a threat. Well, here at How To!, we are not content to just marinate in fear and blame so we're dedicating two episodes to see how we can prevent more tragedies like January 6. In our first episode, we bring on Dr. Rachel Kleinfeld, senior fellow at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace where she focuses on the intersection of democracy and security. She explains how the US has gotten to this point, how we should productively grapple with January 6, and why we're not as close to the brink of civil war as it may seem. Next week, we'll hear from Curtis Toler, a former Chicago gang member who is now a violence interrupter.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Things Done in a Divided Nation with Samantha Power."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you'll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Want a behind-the-scenes look at how we create the show? Check out Slate's Pocket Collections for research and reading lists, as well as additional insights into how we think about the stories behind the episodes.

Here at How To! headquarters, we give and receive a lot of good advice. This year we saved the planet, unbroke the news, discovered our style, sat in silence, found pleasure, put a small town on the map, learned to laugh, ran for office (without being an a**hole), and talked politics with our parents. On this episode of How To!, the team gathers 'round the mic to round up our favorite advice of the year. We talk about how we applied that advice to our own lives, share some surprising updates from folks who were on the show, and give a behind-the-scenes look at how the podcast is made each week.

Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

Want a behind-the-scenes look at how we create the show? Check out Slate's Pocket Collections for research and reading lists, as well as additional insights into how we think about the stories behind the episodes.

TJ has spent years trying to heal herself and put her childhood behind her. Both of her parents struggled with addiction, which made for a very complicated, unstable upbringing. After sacrificing her own childhood to raise her siblings—TJ feels deeply wounded by her mother in particular. She really wants to let it go. The only question is how. On this episode of How To!, we bring on journalist Marina Cantacuzino. Marina is the founder of The Forgiveness Project, a charity that shares stories of victims, survivors, and perpetrators of "crime and conflict who have rebuilt their lives following hurt and trauma." She's also the author of a new book called Forgiveness: An Exploration. Marina shares some powerful stories about others who have opened their hearts to forgiveness—even if it took awhile—and began to free themselves from resentment.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Forgive the Unforgivable."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

This week, Los Angeles' newly elected mayor Karen Bass declared a state of emergency to help address the city's homelessness crisis. It's an overwhelming issue that has left a lot of Angelenos wondering how they can help, including this week's listener Alex. On this episode, host Amanda Ripley brings on two people who have experience fighting housing insecurity. Theo Henderson is an activist and host of the podcast, We the Unhoused, which sheds light on the struggles faced by the unhoused community in Los Angeles. Larry Morrissey is the former mayor of Rockford, Illinois. During his tenure, the city functionally ended veteran and chronic homelessness – by doing something altogether different than what most cities have tried. Together Theo and Larry explain what needs to change in order to properly address this crisis.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How to (Really) Help Refugees."

Do you have an insurmountable problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

'Tis the season of gathering with friends and family. It's also a time where some of us yearn for a closer community, like this week's listener. Morgan is looking for a way to hang out with friends in a consistent, meaningful manner. On this episode of How To!, Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, explains how to transform a lackluster hang-out where people just sit around drinking beer into a party with a purpose where guests want to come back. She tells us how to create an event that meets a need with the right rules and the right guest list. She even has tips for sprucing up your next holiday party.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Cook One Perfect Meal."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

Want a behind-the-scenes look at how we create the show? Check out Slate's Pocket Collections for research and reading lists, as well as additional insights into how we think about the stories behind the episodes.

Victor's job—at its core—is to change the world. But he feels like he's plateaued within his large humanitarian and development organization, and is now on the verge of jumping ship. On this episode of How To!, Annie Duke, author of Quit: The Power Of Knowing When to Walk Away, helps Victor decide if he should recommit to his current job or move on to something else. She explains the cognitive biases that prevent us from quitting and reveals why most of us quit things far too late.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Uproot Your Life."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Want a behind-the-scenes look at how we create the show? Check out Slate's Pocket Collections for research and reading lists, as well as additional insights into how we think about the stories behind the episodes.

Lauren already knows the plot of her bestselling novel—the problem is she hasn't written a word. Paralyzed by self-criticism and an earlier rejection, this former English major has spent years journaling instead of attempting the scary, difficult work of creative writing. On this episode of How To!, we turn to writer Taffy Brodesser-Akner, whose debut novel Fleishman Is in Trouble, was one of the hottest books of the year. Can she help Lauren finally put pen to paper? The first thing Lauren needs to do, Taffy says, is stop journaling, and start writing. And then keep writing: "You can't get to the good sentences if you don't write the bad ones first." Next, find a trusted reader, not a cheerleader, to give you honest feedback. And when doubt begins to creep in again, look at the writers you admire and simply ask, "Why them and not me?"

Do you have a problem that needs a solution? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

To move or not to move? That is the question for Tiffani. She is desperate to get out of her hometown in rural Oregon and find a place with affordable housing, better dating prospects, and a ballroom dance studio nearby… or at least a P.F. Chang's closer than a four hour drive away. The problem? Her preferred destination would mean moving clear across the country. On this episode of How To!, decision coach Nell McShane Wulfhart sits down with Tiffani and helps her make this life-changing decision in under 60 minutes. It's true! Nell shows us how we can all uncover what we truly want and then write ourselves permission slips to actually pursue it.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Have Happy Regrets."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

As Kate's teenage son, Sam, approached college she noticed him withdrawing. He wasn't excited about his future and started to show symptoms of major depression. It came to a crisis point one summer night before Sam was set to leave for school. In the weeks and months that followed, Sam struggled to navigate the mental health system in search of care. And Kate? Kate was left wondering how she could help her son without being overbearing. On this episode of How To!, guest host Carvell Wallace brings on Dr. Christine Moutier, psychiatrist and the chief medical officer for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. She advises Kate and all of us on how to be appropriately supportive, especially when things get to a scary place. She also reveals how she coped when her own teenager experienced a mental health crisis.

Resources:

If you or anyone you know is in crisis, dial 988 or text TALK to 741741.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

AFSP's Real Conversation Guides

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Stop Being Anxious"

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Today we're going to see if one American family can flip the usual, tortured and tedious script for arguing about politics and do something more interesting. Jenn and Todd Brandel sit down with their dad, Bruce, to see if they can come to a better understanding about what has shaped their different political views. Mónica Guzmán, senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels and author of I Never Thought Of It That Way: How To Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times, is back to provide some insightful post-game analysis. In this second episode of our special two-part series, she breaks down what went well, what got a little messy, and what we can all apply to our own conversations with loved ones.

Listen to the first part of our series: "How To Talk Politics With Your Dad (Without Yelling) Pt 1"

If you liked this episode, you might also like: "How To Rescue Someone From a Conspiracy Theory."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Jenn and Todd Brandel have a close, loving relationship with their father, Bruce. But one thing makes their blood boil: his political chain emails. The messages are often forwarded commentary written in a provocative tone, and are an unwelcome reminder of just how far apart the family is politically. On this episode of How To!, we're joined by Mónica Guzmán, senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels and author of I Never Thought Of It That Way: How To Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times. In the first of a special two-part episode on talking politics with our parents, Mónica teaches Jenn and Todd how to aim for understanding with their dad, not agreement. Next week, Jenn, Todd, and their dad Bruce will put these tips into practice—on mic—around the kitchen table, as Mónica provides post-game analysis. We'll dive into what worked, what got a little messy, and how to keep making progress.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Embrace Your Anti-Vax Family This Holiday Season" and "How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Becca is 6-feet tall, bold and strong-willed. She's also easily startled and paralyzed by fear — even a children's haunted house can reduce her to tears. In this episode of How To!, we bring in sociologist Margee Kerr, author of Scream: Chilling Adventures in the Science of Fear, to give us the lowdown on surviving scary situations. Can making fear more fun help Becca overcome her startle reflex in time for Halloween?

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Have you found the advice on our podcast helpful? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.

If you've ever vacationed on the beaches of Delaware, chances are you drove right by Smyrna. It's a small but charming town that's been bypassed by the main highways. Which is why Mike, a small business owner on the town council, wants to create a spectacular, engaging roadside attraction to tempt tourists into town. The only snag? He doesn't know what to actually build.

On this episode of How To!, we bring on roadside attraction aficionado Erika Nelson. She's the creator of The World's Largest Collection of the World's Smallest Versions of the World's Largest Things. She's also an artist who helps towns like Smyrna develop their own car-stopping attractions. She decodes the magic of the most wondrous roadside attractions and explains why hosting a Guinness world record-holding object is not the only key to success. You also have to tell a good story.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Convince People to Give You Money."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

After three decades of marriage, Bernadette wasn't exactly blindsided when Rodney asked for a divorce. Things had been rocky for awhile, but she always assumed they'd live the rest of their lives "unhappily ever after." Now Bernadette is facing an uncertain future, wondering how she's going to navigate her new life socially, emotionally, and financially. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Elizabeth Cohen, author of Light on the Other Side Of Divorce: Discovering the New You, and host of the podcast The Divorce Doctor. She helps Bernadette formulate a plan for keeping things civil, and handling everything from personal finances to awkward inquiries from well-meaning friends.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Save Your Marriage," "How To Have a Fight That Actually Helps Your Relationship," and "How To Reconnect With Your Kid After a Nasty Divorce."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

When Dana and Luke first started dating at the office they kept their relationship a secret. Most of their colleagues didn't know they were a couple until they got engaged. They didn't want any undue pressure or outside judgment. That's because Dana is a proud Black, Ghanaian woman from central Florida and Luke is a white man from Kansas. Dana's wondering how she can preserve her identity while they absorb each others' family traditions. On this episode of How To!, guest host Hélène Biandudi Hofer brings on Karyn Langhorne Folan, author of Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions that Keep Black Women From Dating Out. All three discuss the struggles and joys in their respective interracial marriages.

If you want to learn more about Dana's work, check out AfroLA.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Beat Your Hidden Biases."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you'll also be supporting the work we do here on How To!. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus to help support our work.

College application season is approaching fast—too fast—for 16-yr old Maya and her mother, Melissa. The problem? Maya has no idea where to go or what to study. It doesn't help that there are thousands of schools to choose from, and little transparency about their true cost. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Ron Lieber, New York Times money columnist and author of The Price You Pay for College. He shows Maya how to narrow down the list of potential colleges by asking insightful questions of the schools and, ultimately, yourself. Then he talks to Melissa about how to pay for it without harming the rest of the family's finances.

Ron's questions for parents:

1. What do you remember your parent or parents saying to you the first time they talked about what college would cost and what, if anything, they would pay?
2. Or if there was silence around the topic of paying for college, what did it speak?
3. How much was your parent or your parents willing to pay for your education? How did you feel about that?
4. If your parents paid your way, is it possible that you should not feel obligated to do the same, given how much the world has changed?
5. And if your parents paid nothing, have you asked yourself whether 15 years of extreme thrift starting now (or going deep into debt 15 years from now to pay for your child's first-choice college) may not erase whatever pain lingers from that period long ago -- or may create new conflict with your spouse and kids?
6. How much might you be willing to borrow -- or delay repayment of your own student loans?
7. How long are you willing to delay retirement to meet this goal?

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Raise a Future College Athlete."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

When Trish first started working in corporate recruiting, she had wonderful co-workers, a supportive manager, opportunities for growth—it was "bliss." But the bliss evaporated in 2020 when she got laid off during the pandemic. She's since found a different job in the same field, but also decided to try her hand at teaching pilates part-time. Now, after burning the candle at both ends, Trish is burned out and unsure of the best path forward. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Nathan and Susannah Furr, authors of The Upside of Uncertainty. They have some useful tools to help Trish—and all of us—find our footing in uncertain times.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Bounce Back From Burnout" and "How To Advance Your Career by Quitting Your Job."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

In the second of a two-part episode on reimagining the news we continue our conversation with Nicole Lewis, Senior Editor of Jurisprudence at Slate, and a longtime reporter on the criminal justice beat; and David Bornstein, co-founder/CEO of the Solutions Journalism Network, and former contributor to the New York Times' Fixes column. The discussion picks up where we left off on how journalists can regain the trust of their audience, and how news consumers can find stories that inspire hope, agency and dignity — our democracy may depend on it.

Resources:

https://trustingnews.org

https://wearehearken.com

https://results.org

If you liked this episode, check out Part 1: "How To Unbreak the News"

Do you have a burning question? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

About five or six years ago, host Amanda Ripley started noticing that her normal news diet left her feeling depleted and depressed. She tried mixing up her news habits, even avoiding it for awhile, but nothing helped. It felt like a shameful secret. Shouldn't journalists love consuming the news? She began to wonder, is it me....or is it the news itself? On this episode of How To!, the first of two parts, we'll hear from several of our listeners who feel the same way. We'll also talk with Nicole Lewis, Senior Editor of Jurisprudence at Slate, and a longtime reporter on the criminal justice beat; and David Bornstein, co-founder/CEO of the Solutions Journalism Network, and former contributor to the New York Times' Fixes column. Together they'll discuss how the news became so broken, and how we can put it back together again.

Resources:

Solutions Story Tracker®

Fear of Rampant Crime Is Derailing New York City's Recovery by Fola Akinnibi and Raeedah Wahid

I stopped reading the news. Is the problem me — or the product? by Amanda Ripley

Do you have a burning question? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

When Clare decided on a resolution for the year, she was looking for a new challenge. Instead of running a marathon like her partner, Clare—who "talks for a living"—decided to go completely silent. She signed up for a silent retreat. But as it approached, she wondered how she could possibly go an entire week without speaking. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Daniel Thorson of the Monastic Academy in Vermont and host of the podcast, Emerge. Daniel has spent over a year of his life in silent meditation, including a 75 day silent retreat at the beginning of the pandemic. He says his first silent retreat was the worst experience of his life — just what Clare wanted to hear — but there's a reason he kept going back.

If you liked this episode, check out: How To Quiet the Chatter in Your Head and How To Sleep with Headspace's Andy Puddicombe.

Do you have a burning question? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

When Swiss Ambassador Jacques Pitteloud moved to Washington DC, his residence was perfect. Too perfect. The Swiss ambassador's residence sits on six acres on a hill with an awesome view of the Washington Monument. "I was amazed by the beauty of the whole setting…It looked like a golf course and I don't like golf courses… they are ecological disasters," Ambassador Pitteloud reflected. Together with his gardening team, the Ambassador has transformed the residence into a native oasis. On this episode of How To!, we're taking a field trip to the Swiss Ambassador's residence. Ambassador Pitteloud reveals how he brought back his beloved birds and even gave diplomatic immunity to local colonies of bees.

We talked last week with Doug Tallamy, who gave some wonderfully concrete advice on how you can revitalize your local ecosystem with just your yard. Ambassador Pitteloud is a living testament that you can have a meaningful impact with just your yard and he's impoloring others to follow suit. "Environmental protection has become ideological and politicized. This is not a political question… It's 5 minutes before midnight."

Resources:

Homegrown National Park

Nature's Best Hope: A New Approach to Conservation That Starts in Your Yard

Audubon Native Plants Database

National Wildlife Federation Native Plant Finder

SEEK by iNaturalist

If you liked this episode, check out part one: "How To Save the Planet, Starting With Your Yard." Also check out our episode "How to (Really) Help Refugees," as mentioned at the end of the show.

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

In the last 24 years, Judy has moved approximately 16 times for her husband's military career. But her family has finally settled down in a lovely house with a yard near Annapolis, Maryland. Now Judy is hoping to transform her outdoor space into something that's beautiful and environmentally friendly. On this episode of How To!, Doug Tallamy explains why, now more than ever, we need people like Judy to plant native species in order to revive our ecosystem. He has some surprisingly easy tips for replacing your grass (take that, lawn mower!), finding plants that pollinators will love, and even getting rid of those pesky mosquitoes.

Resources:

Homegrown National Park

Nature's Best Hope: A New Approach to Conservation That Starts in Your Yard

Audubon Native Plants Database

National Wildlife Federation Native Plant Finder

SEEK by iNaturalist

The Life and Death of the American Lawn

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Squash Your Fear of Bugs (and Other Phobias)"

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson with help from Katie Shepherd.

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Elaine picked up watercolor painting during her two year, cross country RV adventure with her family. She quickly fell in love with gorgeous nature scenes and found the creative process meditative and healing. But now she's wondering if her art could be something more. On this episode of How To!, multitalented artist Aaron Dworkin has tips for Elaine and other aspiring artists on how to live a 'portfolio life' by finding your signature style, following your passions and ultimately getting paid. He also shares insights for unlocking your creativity even if you don't fancy yourself an artist.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Write the Perfect Breakup Song with Ben Folds."

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Last week, our expert Arthur Brooks gave us some surefire advice for resetting the parent-child relationship so your kids don't treat you like an emotional ATM. On this episode of How To!, he's going to teach our listener, Karen, how to balance the books, so to speak, by taking some withdrawals of her own. He has some surprising tips for how to restrain yourself from swooping in to save the day when it would be better to let them figure it out. Starting with a hilarious story of the time Arthur's adult son called him—pantsless—from Las Vegas.

If you liked this episode, check out part one: "How To Parent Less."

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Every time Karen gets a phone call from her adult children her heart sinks. Even at age 23 and 21, they're usually calling with a problem. She's received calls for everything from flat tires to mental health emergencies. While she loves her kids and wants to always be a safe place for them to land, she really wants them to gain more independence. On this episode of How To!, we bring in Arthur Brooks, a Harvard University professor who studies the science of happiness and writes a column for the Atlantic called How to Build a Life. He also is the father to three adult children. He has some surprising tips and tough love for Karen to help her rebalance her relationship with her kids.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Get Your Kid to Finally Grow Up" and "How To Fill an Empty Nest."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

For a lot of would-be parents, adoption isn't the first path that comes to mind. But that's how Victoria, a PhD student, is leaning right now. Even though she's not planning to have a family for a few more years, it's never too early to start preparing for what can be a long, arduous process. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Marcia Chatelain, Pulitzer Prize winning author, professor of history and African-American studies at Georgetown, and former co-host of The Waves. Marcia spent five years jumping through hoops before she and her husband finally adopted their son last year. Now Marcia is looking back on that journey and sharing what she learned to help Victoria smoothly navigate the process.

If you liked this episode, check out "The Single Most Important Thing to Know Before Becoming a Single Parent."

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In 2019, Brenda took a year off from their PhD program to try to feel pleasure again…with anything. Brenda has come a long way since then but there's one thing that's still elusive—they've never experienced an orgasm. Whenever they try, anxiety kicks in and they're left feeling frustrated and, in their words "broken." On this episode of How To!, we bring in Ev'Yan Whitney, sex educator, author, and host of the podcast Sensual Self. Ev'Yan has some wonderful wisdom for learning about your body and reconnecting with pleasure, both sexual and non-sexual, in a way that feels safe.

Additional Reading:

The Tyranny Of the Female-Orgasm Industrial Complex by Katharine Smyth

Ace by Angela Chen

Sensual Self by Ev'Yan Whitney

Understanding Asexuality by The Trevor Project

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Have the Best Sex of Your Life"

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Erin thinks her dog Chief has the most embarrassing habit—he keeps eating her daughters' underwear. This has happened several times, resulting in multiple costly surgeries. If she doesn't put a stop to it, it could eventually kill Chief. How can she get her dog to behave and, more importantly, get her teenage daughters to put their underwear in the hamper? On this episode of How To!, Jenny Slate, comedian, actress, author of Little Weirds and voice of Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, opens up about the time her dog ate something he shouldn't have—and let's just say it's worse than underwear. But Jenny adores dogs and believes they have something important to teach us. You have to accept your loved ones' limitations, Jenny says, and when problems arise, tailor your solution to what suits them best—advice that applies to both dogs and teenagers.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor with Tig Notaro."

Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Coming out of the worst of the pandemic, a lot of us need to relearn how to socialize, from what to say to what to wear. Our listener, Kristen, is headed back to the office and wants to feel like a boss. The only problem? She looks at her wardrobe and doesn't know where to begin. On this episode of How To!, we bring in celebrity stylist Leesa Evans to give her a crash course in clothing. Leesa has helped some famous clients (i.e. Amy Schumer) discover fashion that is both functional and flattering. The key? Finding pieces that make you feel confident.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Look Like a Superhero."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

We all know the country is deeply fractured right now, and that's especially true in our politics. There is vitriol, bitter partisanship and an expectation that in order to succeed you need to beat up on your opponent. So is it possible to fight for your beliefs, remain civil and still win elections? On this episode of How To!, we brought together two politicians from either side of the aisle who are living proof that we can practice politics with humanity. Utah Governor Spencer Cox and Vermont State Senator Becca Balint share how they resist negativity, meaningfully work with the other side, and stick to their values even when they are forced to stand up to their own party.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Get Things Done in a Divided Nation with Samantha Power"

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Karin always thought of herself as the mom of two boys—that is, until last year when her oldest child told her they were nonbinary, meaning they don't identify as either male or female. Karin loves her kid deeply, but she's struggling to get used to their new name and pronouns, especially because her town—and husband—aren't very accepting. On this episode of How To!, we bring in Lisa DelCol, a fellow mom of a nonbinary child and former president of PFLAG Oklahoma City, to help Karin come to terms with her child's gender identity. Parents are going to make mistakes along the way, Lisa says, but it's important to share what you learn with others. The more you advocate for them, the more accepting the world becomes.

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Elizabeth's son Lucas is a talented athlete who wants to compete in track and field at an NCAA Division One school. But so far he's been running away from doing any research or planning. His mother, Elizabeth, wants to help him be recruited and maybe even get a scholarship. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Steve Magness, performance expert, former track coach for the University of Houston, and author of Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness. He's navigated both sides of the recruitment process and has some hard-earned wisdom about what it takes to be noticed by college recruiters and why the system itself needs to be reformed.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Coach Squirrelly Kids (and Screaming Parents)."

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Daniel seems to be the whole package. He's smart, social, and has lots of friends. He even organizes a beach volleyball league in Berlin. But he can't seem to land a date despite his best efforts. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Andrea Silenzi, dating aficionado and host of the acclaimed dating podcast Why Oh Why. She knows what it's like to put a ton of effort into dating and not land the relationship she wants. Now married, she shares how she broke through a decade of bad dates and has some hard-earned wisdom to help Daniel, and all of us, make a move that actually works.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Find Your First Kiss at 38."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

After experiencing multiple instances of sexual assault, Julia often feels sexually disconnected from her own body. She wants to be aware of her boundaries and find pleasure in new relationships going forward. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jamila Dawson, licensed marriage and family therapist, and August McLaughlin, health and sexuality journalist and host of Girl Boner Radio. Together they wrote With Pleasure: Managing Trauma Triggers for More Vibrant Sex and Relationships. They share candid, tangible advice about navigating consent and how to turn awkward conversations into something empowering — even sexy.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Talk to Your Son About Sex".

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

When Samantha and her husband moved from a condo to a fairly large house, they knew they'd have a lot of updating and upkeep to do. But they had no idea how much time their new chores would gobble up. Or even what chores to do. (If only there was a guide to adulting!) Even when they weren't holding themselves to picture-perfect standards, it still felt like they were barely keeping their heads above water. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Kendra Adachi, she's a best-selling author, podcaster, and professional permission giver. She has tangible, easy steps that you can do right now to help you prioritize and organize your mess—and ultimately, your life.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stop "Having It All" (Before You End Up With Nothing)"

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

When Betsy joined her last workplace, she thought it was a perfect fit. It was on a list of Best Places to Work and she got to be creative while helping people. But as the startup rapidly grew, the company culture changed and Betsy started to lose herself amid the stress. Then she got laid off. Honestly, Betsy was relieved, but now she's gotta figure out what's next. On this episode of How To!, we bring on James Altucher, author, podcaster, and all-around interesting person. He's both created successful companies and failed a number of times. He has some funny, frank advice for taking the sting out of rejection, reviving your passions, and making sure your next move is right for you.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Advance Your Career by Quitting Your Job."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

When the Taliban took over Afghanistan in August, the Female Tactical Platoon, a unit of elite Afghan soldiers, knew they had to evacuate. "If they were captured, they would be killed," according to a Green Beret who worked alongside them because they were "an affront to everything the Taliban stood for." Ellie, a U.S. Army Captain, moved earth and heaven to get them to America. But navigating the U.S. refugee resettlement system proved much more difficult than they expected. On this episode of How To!, we introduce Ellie to Luma Mufleh, founder and CEO of Fugee Families, to discuss how the system can and should be improved. They share practical tips for how all of us can help in the most useful way possible.

To read more about the Female Tactical Platoon check out The Untold Story of the Afghan Women Who Hunted the Taliban.

Here is Ellie's organization: Sisters of Service.

Here is Luma's organization: Fugee Families.

Check out Luma's new book, Learning America.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Beat Your Hidden Biases"

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

The town of Dartmouth, Massachusetts is in the middle of a mascot debate that's escalated quickly. Our listener Keith grew up there and his kids attend the high school in question. He's been vocal about his support for changing the school's Indian warrior logo but is wondering if there's a better way to solve this issue than trading barbs with the opposition. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Maulian Dana, Penobscot Nation tribal ambassador, one of the four federally recognized indigenous tribes in Maine. Maulian helped lead a decades-long effort that resulted in Maine banning all state schools and colleges from using Native American mascots in 2019. She has some practical tips to help Keith, and all of us, fight for what we believe in — without tearing our community apart.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stop a Fight Before It Starts."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

When Mike was wracked with a series of unexplained headaches in 2017, he initially chalked it up to being a stressed out grad student. But the pain became debilitating and his symptoms only multiplied from there. His doctors are stumped and Mike doesn't know where to turn next. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Meghan O'Rourke, author of The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness. Meghan has been on her own medical journey for years and has some extremely helpful advice for finding the right doctors, regaining a sense of normalcy, and supporting those who are currently searching for answers.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Fight Outrageous Medical Bills."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

You've probably heard about the importance of journaling, putting thoughts on paper to help process the daily vicissitudes of life. But it's easy to stall once you see a blank page or get self conscious about what exactly you're writing. On this episode of How To!, we bring together Anna Quindlen, bestselling novelist and author of the new book Write For Your Life, and John Dickerson, co-host of Slate's Political Gabfest, CBS News reporter, author and veteran journaler. They share their wit and wisdom on how to start writing about your personal life — and how to keep it going amid all the distractions. (And stay tuned after the credits for an exclusive sneak peek of Anna Quindlen's next novel).

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Write a Bestseller" and "How To Get Your Book Published."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

If you were to pop by Mary Ann's PhD discussion group, you'd most likely find her quietly, but intently, listening to the debate going on around her. But when it comes time to actually throw in her two cents, she comes up short. She feels nervous. Her mind goes blank. And she leaves the session feeling frustrated that she didn't voice her thoughts. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Amy Cuddy, author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenge. Amy has done a great deal of research on how to carve out your own space — physically and mentally — and has some practical tips to help Mary Ann, and all of us, speak with more confidence.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Give a Killer Speech."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

When a fellow employee started bullying Christy at her workplace she took the situation to her supervisor, Human Resources, and even filed grievances with her union. But the situation never improved. In fact, it got worse to the point where Christy had no choice but to walk away from her job of over 30 years. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Megan Hunter – co-founder and CEO of High Conflict Institute and author of BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication. She offers insight into the bullying Christy experienced and shares advice for anyone who might be in a similar situation. "We just have to know the rules and then we can manage that relationship instead of having that person and their fear-driven operating system manage us," Megan says. With input from Christy, Megan sheds light on how to handle a toxic work environment.

If you liked this episode, check out: How To Fire a Bad Employee

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.