How To! with Mike Pesca

Every time Karen gets a phone call from her adult children her heart sinks. Even at age 23 and 21, they're usually calling with a problem. She's received calls for everything from flat tires to mental health emergencies. While she loves her kids and wants to always be a safe place for them to land, she really wants them to gain more independence. On this episode of How To!, we bring in Arthur Brooks, a Harvard University professor who studies the science of happiness and writes a column for the Atlantic called How to Build a Life. He also is the father to three adult children. He has some surprising tips and tough love for Karen to help her rebalance her relationship with her kids.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Get Your Kid to Finally Grow Up" and "How To Fill an Empty Nest."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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For a lot of would-be parents, adoption isn't the first path that comes to mind. But that's how Victoria, a PhD student, is leaning right now. Even though she's not planning to have a family for a few more years, it's never too early to start preparing for what can be a long, arduous process. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Marcia Chatelain, Pulitzer Prize winning author, professor of history and African-American studies at Georgetown, and former co-host of The Waves. Marcia spent five years jumping through hoops before she and her husband finally adopted their son last year. Now Marcia is looking back on that journey and sharing what she learned to help Victoria smoothly navigate the process.

If you liked this episode, check out "The Single Most Important Thing to Know Before Becoming a Single Parent."

Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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In 2019, Brenda took a year off from their PhD program to try to feel pleasure again…with anything. Brenda has come a long way since then but there's one thing that's still elusive—they've never experienced an orgasm. Whenever they try, anxiety kicks in and they're left feeling frustrated and, in their words "broken." On this episode of How To!, we bring in Ev'Yan Whitney, sex educator, author, and host of the podcast Sensual Self. Ev'Yan has some wonderful wisdom for learning about your body and reconnecting with pleasure, both sexual and non-sexual, in a way that feels safe.

Additional Reading:

The Tyranny Of the Female-Orgasm Industrial Complex by Katharine Smyth

Ace by Angela Chen

Sensual Self by Ev'Yan Whitney

Understanding Asexuality by The Trevor Project

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Have the Best Sex of Your Life"

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Erin thinks her dog Chief has the most embarrassing habit—he keeps eating her daughters' underwear. This has happened several times, resulting in multiple costly surgeries. If she doesn't put a stop to it, it could eventually kill Chief. How can she get her dog to behave and, more importantly, get her teenage daughters to put their underwear in the hamper? On this episode of How To!, Jenny Slate, comedian, actress, author of Little Weirds and voice of Marcel the Shell with Shoes On, opens up about the time her dog ate something he shouldn't have—and let's just say it's worse than underwear. But Jenny adores dogs and believes they have something important to teach us. You have to accept your loved ones' limitations, Jenny says, and when problems arise, tailor your solution to what suits them best—advice that applies to both dogs and teenagers.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor with Tig Notaro."

Do you have a seemingly impossible problem? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Coming out of the worst of the pandemic, a lot of us need to relearn how to socialize, from what to say to what to wear. Our listener, Kristen, is headed back to the office and wants to feel like a boss. The only problem? She looks at her wardrobe and doesn't know where to begin. On this episode of How To!, we bring in celebrity stylist Leesa Evans to give her a crash course in clothing. Leesa has helped some famous clients (i.e. Amy Schumer) discover fashion that is both functional and flattering. The key? Finding pieces that make you feel confident.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Look Like a Superhero."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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We all know the country is deeply fractured right now, and that's especially true in our politics. There is vitriol, bitter partisanship and an expectation that in order to succeed you need to beat up on your opponent. So is it possible to fight for your beliefs, remain civil and still win elections? On this episode of How To!, we brought together two politicians from either side of the aisle who are living proof that we can practice politics with humanity. Utah Governor Spencer Cox and Vermont State Senator Becca Balint share how they resist negativity, meaningfully work with the other side, and stick to their values even when they are forced to stand up to their own party.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Get Things Done in a Divided Nation with Samantha Power"

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Karin always thought of herself as the mom of two boys—that is, until last year when her oldest child told her they were nonbinary, meaning they don't identify as either male or female. Karin loves her kid deeply, but she's struggling to get used to their new name and pronouns, especially because her town—and husband—aren't very accepting. On this episode of How To!, we bring in Lisa DelCol, a fellow mom of a nonbinary child and former president of PFLAG Oklahoma City, to help Karin come to terms with her child's gender identity. Parents are going to make mistakes along the way, Lisa says, but it's important to share what you learn with others. The more you advocate for them, the more accepting the world becomes.

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Elizabeth's son Lucas is a talented athlete who wants to compete in track and field at an NCAA Division One school. But so far he's been running away from doing any research or planning. His mother, Elizabeth, wants to help him be recruited and maybe even get a scholarship. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Steve Magness, performance expert, former track coach for the University of Houston, and author of Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness. He's navigated both sides of the recruitment process and has some hard-earned wisdom about what it takes to be noticed by college recruiters and why the system itself needs to be reformed.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Coach Squirrelly Kids (and Screaming Parents)."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Daniel seems to be the whole package. He's smart, social, and has lots of friends. He even organizes a beach volleyball league in Berlin. But he can't seem to land a date despite his best efforts. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Andrea Silenzi, dating aficionado and host of the acclaimed dating podcast Why Oh Why. She knows what it's like to put a ton of effort into dating and not land the relationship she wants. Now married, she shares how she broke through a decade of bad dates and has some hard-earned wisdom to help Daniel, and all of us, make a move that actually works.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Find Your First Kiss at 38."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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After experiencing multiple instances of sexual assault, Julia often feels sexually disconnected from her own body. She wants to be aware of her boundaries and find pleasure in new relationships going forward. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jamila Dawson, licensed marriage and family therapist, and August McLaughlin, health and sexuality journalist and host of Girl Boner Radio. Together they wrote With Pleasure: Managing Trauma Triggers for More Vibrant Sex and Relationships. They share candid, tangible advice about navigating consent and how to turn awkward conversations into something empowering — even sexy.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Talk to Your Son About Sex".

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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When Samantha and her husband moved from a condo to a fairly large house, they knew they'd have a lot of updating and upkeep to do. But they had no idea how much time their new chores would gobble up. Or even what chores to do. (If only there was a guide to adulting!) Even when they weren't holding themselves to picture-perfect standards, it still felt like they were barely keeping their heads above water. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Kendra Adachi, she's a best-selling author, podcaster, and professional permission giver. She has tangible, easy steps that you can do right now to help you prioritize and organize your mess—and ultimately, your life.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stop "Having It All" (Before You End Up With Nothing)"

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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When Betsy joined her last workplace, she thought it was a perfect fit. It was on a list of Best Places to Work and she got to be creative while helping people. But as the startup rapidly grew, the company culture changed and Betsy started to lose herself amid the stress. Then she got laid off. Honestly, Betsy was relieved, but now she's gotta figure out what's next. On this episode of How To!, we bring on James Altucher, author, podcaster, and all-around interesting person. He's both created successful companies and failed a number of times. He has some funny, frank advice for taking the sting out of rejection, reviving your passions, and making sure your next move is right for you.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Advance Your Career by Quitting Your Job."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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When the Taliban took over Afghanistan in August, the Female Tactical Platoon, a unit of elite Afghan soldiers, knew they had to evacuate. "If they were captured, they would be killed," according to a Green Beret who worked alongside them because they were "an affront to everything the Taliban stood for." Ellie, a U.S. Army Captain, moved earth and heaven to get them to America. But navigating the U.S. refugee resettlement system proved much more difficult than they expected. On this episode of How To!, we introduce Ellie to Luma Mufleh, founder and CEO of Fugee Families, to discuss how the system can and should be improved. They share practical tips for how all of us can help in the most useful way possible.

To read more about the Female Tactical Platoon check out The Untold Story of the Afghan Women Who Hunted the Taliban.

Here is Ellie's organization: Sisters of Service.

Here is Luma's organization: Fugee Families.

Check out Luma's new book, Learning America.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Beat Your Hidden Biases"

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The town of Dartmouth, Massachusetts is in the middle of a mascot debate that's escalated quickly. Our listener Keith grew up there and his kids attend the high school in question. He's been vocal about his support for changing the school's Indian warrior logo but is wondering if there's a better way to solve this issue than trading barbs with the opposition. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Maulian Dana, Penobscot Nation tribal ambassador, one of the four federally recognized indigenous tribes in Maine. Maulian helped lead a decades-long effort that resulted in Maine banning all state schools and colleges from using Native American mascots in 2019. She has some practical tips to help Keith, and all of us, fight for what we believe in — without tearing our community apart.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stop a Fight Before It Starts."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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When Mike was wracked with a series of unexplained headaches in 2017, he initially chalked it up to being a stressed out grad student. But the pain became debilitating and his symptoms only multiplied from there. His doctors are stumped and Mike doesn't know where to turn next. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Meghan O'Rourke, author of The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness. Meghan has been on her own medical journey for years and has some extremely helpful advice for finding the right doctors, regaining a sense of normalcy, and supporting those who are currently searching for answers.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Fight Outrageous Medical Bills."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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You've probably heard about the importance of journaling, putting thoughts on paper to help process the daily vicissitudes of life. But it's easy to stall once you see a blank page or get self conscious about what exactly you're writing. On this episode of How To!, we bring together Anna Quindlen, bestselling novelist and author of the new book Write For Your Life, and John Dickerson, co-host of Slate's Political Gabfest, CBS News reporter, author and veteran journaler. They share their wit and wisdom on how to start writing about your personal life — and how to keep it going amid all the distractions. (And stay tuned after the credits for an exclusive sneak peek of Anna Quindlen's next novel).

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Write a Bestseller" and "How To Get Your Book Published."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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If you were to pop by Mary Ann's PhD discussion group, you'd most likely find her quietly, but intently, listening to the debate going on around her. But when it comes time to actually throw in her two cents, she comes up short. She feels nervous. Her mind goes blank. And she leaves the session feeling frustrated that she didn't voice her thoughts. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Amy Cuddy, author of Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenge. Amy has done a great deal of research on how to carve out your own space — physically and mentally — and has some practical tips to help Mary Ann, and all of us, speak with more confidence.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Give a Killer Speech."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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When a fellow employee started bullying Christy at her workplace she took the situation to her supervisor, Human Resources, and even filed grievances with her union. But the situation never improved. In fact, it got worse to the point where Christy had no choice but to walk away from her job of over 30 years. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Megan Hunter – co-founder and CEO of High Conflict Institute and author of BIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace Communication. She offers insight into the bullying Christy experienced and shares advice for anyone who might be in a similar situation. "We just have to know the rules and then we can manage that relationship instead of having that person and their fear-driven operating system manage us," Megan says. With input from Christy, Megan sheds light on how to handle a toxic work environment.

If you liked this episode, check out: How To Fire a Bad Employee

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After Zach heard our "How To Make Friends as an Adult" episode, which coincidentally featured all women, he and a few other male listeners wrote in questioning how useful it was for men. He wondered if we could address the unique challenges men face when it comes to making new friends. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Slate staff writers Dan Kois, author of How to Be a Family, and Aymann Ismail, former host of the podcast Man Up, to coach Zach through a few easy tips. "You just gotta be shameless about it," says Dan. Whether it's balancing parenthood or playing the numbers game, Dan and Aymann share practical ways to put yourself out there, even if it means being a little bit vulnerable.

If you liked this episode, check out How To Put Your Wife's Career First.

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Katie Shepherd.

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Courtenay has more than a few regrets, starting with her career. Despite her accomplishments as an opera singer, she wishes she'd prioritized her professional goals, become more proficient on the piano and with foreign languages. Then there are the personal regrets, like the elderly friend Courteney lost touch with — who then passed away. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Daniel H. Pink, author of The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, to coach Courtenay through reclaiming her regrets. "We haven't taught people how to properly deal with negative emotions," Pink reminds us. We'll learn about the four core regrets that most of us share and how to turn them into wisdom.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Uproot Your Life."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson and Katie Shepherd.

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Janey is the very definition of a woman trying to "have it all." She's an occupational therapist by day, a ghost writer for influencers by night and in between co-hosts a podcast. On top of that, she has two sons who play travel sports and a husband who works long hours. It's left Janey wondering if she'll ever catch her breath. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Amy Westervelt, who's no slouch herself. She's a journalist, host of the award-winning podcast Drilled, a busy mom and author of the book Forget "Having It All": How America Messed Up Motherhood, and How to Fix It. She shares with Janey how trying to "have it all" almost left her with nothing. It's advice that all of us can use to rebalance our lives and reprioritize what's important.

Check out Amy's invisible labor calculator.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Advance Your Career By Quitting Your Job."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Winning the Olympics is everything Steve Mesler ever wanted. So when he and his U.S. bobsled teammates stood atop the podium at the 2010 Vancouver Games, his life seemed golden in every way. But soon after his triumph, Steve began to experience a period of extended mourning. Even though he won a gold medal, he lost his identity and sense of purpose. And he wasn't the only one. On this episode of How To!, the former Olympian, co-founder of Classroom Champions, and current United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee board member talks about the complicated aftermath of achieving an all-consuming pursuit. He discusses his struggles with depression, losing teammates to suicide and what the USOPC is doing to destigmatize mental health treatment. (This episode originally aired July 20, 2021)

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Be a Badass On and Off the Court."

Do you have an Olympic-sized problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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It's been two decades since Maggie's mom has gone to the doctor and her health is incredibly….shaky. Maggie's mom has severe asthma and allergies which has basically isolated her from the world. With isolation has come anger and bitterness. Maggie is at a loss. She's tried everything she can think of yet her mother refuses to get help. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Elizabeth Berg, a nurse-turned-bestselling novelist who has penned some 30 books, many focusing on family drama. Her latest is a touching memoir called I'll Be Seeing You, which follows her perfectly imperfect parents as they've gotten older. Elizabeth has some hard-earned wisdom for Maggie, and all of us, about navigating a contentious relationship with our aging parents.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Embrace Your Anti-Vax Family This Holiday Season" and "How To Get a Stubborn Parent to Listen."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Susan was concerned when she first learned that someone was impersonating her on Facebook, but that soon turned to anger when she realized the imposter had sent inappropriate photos to her real life friends. Susan tried and failed to get the account taken down. Then came the extortion letter...and now she's freaking out a bit. On this episode of How To!, Jack Rhysider, host of Darknet Diaries and cybersecurity veteran, talks about the time he was stalked on the internet. Jack no longer shares much online — he won't even show his face. You don't have to go that far, but there are things you can do to protect your online data and your emotions in real life. If you're worried about being exposed, Jack has some great resources for battling stalkers and online harassment.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Steal Back Your Identity."

Do you have a hacker horror story with a happy ending? Or some other problem we can help solve? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.

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Last week we learned about using the four different styles of humor to your advantage, and who makes a good target for a joke. But what if you read the room wrong and absolutely bomb? On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series, we resume our conversation with Naomi Bagdonas, co-author of Humor, Seriously!, and Michael Terry, the most hilarious hedge fund guy we've ever met. They swap stories about office jokes that fell flat, how to navigate a suddenly tense situation and what to do if your humor accidentally offends someone (especially your boss).

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Be Funny" with comedian Gary Gulman.

If you want to discover your own humor style, take the test on Naomi and Jennifer's website.

Do you have a joke that killed at the office, or totally bombed? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.

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Did you know that we, as a society, have fallen off a comedy cliff? No joke. Studies have shown that we largely stop laughing when we enter our mid-twenties, which is a shame because delighting in humor has a ton of health benefits. Plus, being perceived as funny can actually make people think you're more intelligent, more competent, and even better looking! So on this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Naomi Bagdonas, co-author of Humor, Seriously!, and Michael Terry, an amateur comedian who is working in the funniest of places: high finance. Combined, they have decades of experience harnessing the power humor and applying it to the workplace.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Confront a Crazy Neighbor" with Tig Notaro.

If you want to discover your own humor style, take the test on Naomi and Jennifer's website.

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Have you ever had to make an impossible decision? One that doesn't have an obvious "right" answer. One that someone will inevitably hate. John knows this feeling all too well. He's the superintendent for a mid-size school district in California. To say the last school year was difficult is a major understatement… John tried to ensure the safety of his students, teachers, and faculty while balancing the reality of students struggling in their virtual classes. Throughout the school year, John's relationship with his teachers and the teachers union deteriorated. Now, classes are back in session and he's hoping to find common ground as soon as possible. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Gary Friedman, a world-renowned conflict mediator. He has some tips on how all of us can mend a fraught relationship before it's too late.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stand Up to Your Terrible Manager—Without Getting Fired."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

This episode originally ran on August 31, 2021.

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Every year, around the same time, Peter's apartment comes alive. The shadows begin to scuttle and the pipes creak with creepy crawlies. At least that's how it feels. Peter is freaked out by Israel's large flying cockroaches. Logically, he knows they don't pose a threat. But he can't control his visceral disgust at encountering one and his panicked vigilance in the days that follow. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Elizabeth McMahon, a clinical psychologist who has been treating phobias like these for the last 30 years. She has some very practical advice for Peter, and anyone else with an irrational fear they'd like to overcome. Elizabeth often uses virtual reality therapy with her clients, most recently to treat needle phobias. She's made this needle phobia training available for licensed therapists or supervised trainees.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Not Be Scared."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Every January nearly 75 percent of Americans resolve to make their lives better by losing weight. But this year we're breaking free from the cycle of restrictive eating and spiraling shame. Journalist Virginia Sole-Smith, host and author of Burnt Toast and The Eating Instinct, has some eye-opening tips for our listener Tori that will help her ditch the scale, become more comfortable with her body, and even learn to control sugar cravings—by eating as many sweets as she wants.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Lose 155 Pounds Happily"

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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James is head over heels in love with his wife. But there's one thing that keeps getting in between them … the glow of her smartphone. His wife is constantly scrolling social media or staging photo ops with James and their kids to create a picture perfect life online. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. David Greenfield, the founder of The Center for Internet and Technology Addiction, to help James understand why it's so hard for his wife to log off. He has some fascinating advice for how to wean yourself off social media and reconnect IRL without creating a bigger rift in the relationship.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Put Down Your Phone."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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One night a few months ago Elaine got a phone call out of the blue from a co-worker. She and her 12-year old daughter had checked herself into a hotel after she was beaten by husband. Elaine took her co-worker to the hospital and encouraged her to leave her husband, but a couple weeks later she was back at home. Now Elaine can't stop worrying about her friend and wondering if (and how) she should help. On this episode of How To!, we're joined by Suzanne Dubus, advocate, survivor and CEO of the Jeanne Geiger Crisis Center. Suzanne says one in five women (and one in seven men) will be the victims of severe physical violence during their lifetime. She understands all too well why it takes so long for victims of domestic violence to leave their abusers, and gives us some practical advice for what to do if we ever find ourselves in Elaine's shoes.

If you or someone you love is struggling with intimate partner violence, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline's website or call 1-800-799-SAFE.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Say the Right Thing at the Worst Time."

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This episode is supported by Work Check, an original podcast from Atlassian.

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Here at How To! headquarters, we give and receive a lot of good advice. This year we ran faster, kept cool in a crisis, had the best sex of our lives, stopped snoring, and even won the Olympics. The How To! team, including former host David Epstein, gathers 'round the mic to round up our favorite advice of the year. We talk about how we applied that advice to our own lives, share some surprising updates from folks who were on the show, and give a behind-the-scenes look at how the podcast is made each week.

Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.

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Deciding to give up your dog is not something we talk about much, especially now when our pets are more like family members. But what do you do when your dog has behavioral problems that threaten the safety of others? On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series on difficult dogs, we hear more from renowned trainer Denise Fenzi and inventor and YouTuber Simone Giertz. They open up about their traumatic experiences with previous dogs and how they eventually had to give them up despite trying everything. And they share advice for how to regain trust in dogs and yourself as a dog owner.

If you liked this episode, check out Part One: "How To Get Your Dog to Stop Barking (Without Barking Back)"

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Approximately 23 million families in the US got a pet during the pandemic, many of them puppies. At their best, dogs truly are "man's best friend," providing real comfort and companionship. But it can be tough when your new dog isn't adapting as well as you'd hoped. Whether it's excessive barking, aggression towards strangers or just not getting along with family members—a difficult dog can rock your confidence and make you feel resentful. On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series on difficult dogs, we meet famous inventor and YouTuber, Simone Giertz, and her yap-happy pup, Scraps. Simone shares her triumphs and failures with renowned dog trainer Denise Fenzi and they commiserate on the best way to teach a dog some much-needed new tricks.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Your Dog to Stop Eating Your Daughters' Underwear With Jenny Slate."

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Jackie is newly engaged, but thoughts about her big day fill her with dread, not excitement. Jackie and her fiance want to have only vaccinated people at their wedding to protect some vulnerable family members from COVID-19. However, requiring vaccination means Jackie's parents and sister likely won't attend, which would break Jackie's heart. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Nwandi Lawson, a former journalist who now runs a communications firm specializing in difficult conversations. She's had her own challenging family discussions during the pandemic, and has some surprising tips for how to speak truth to power while keeping your relationships intact, and maybe even change a few minds.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships."

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For nearly a decade, Jono devoted all his time and energy to creating and running a customized shoe company. But, unfortunately, his start-up didn't survive the pandemic. Now Jono is in the tricky position of transitioning from CEO to working for someone else. He's wondering how to brand his non-linear career path and transform himself into an ideal job candidate. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Joseph Liu, a consultant who has made a career out of changing careers, and host of the podcast Career Relaunch. Joseph has some practical tips for finding the right job opportunities, rewriting your resume, and creating a compelling cover letter that will land you an interview in no time.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Find a New Career Before It's Too Late".

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Shanimarie has a story in her heart, one she believes the world needs to hear. It's a story of immigration, sacrifice and a mother's love that this first-grade teacher wishes she had read as a young girl who moved from Jamaica to the U.S. Shanimarie has been working on the idea for a couple of years now. She's submitted a manuscript to several publishers, but is making the rookie mistakes that most aspiring authors make. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Denene Millner, a New York Times best selling author of over 30 books who runs a children's book imprint at Simon & Schuster. Denene focuses on stories about the humanity of Black children and shares some insider knowledge with Shanimarie about telling your story in a way that publishers, and children, can't ignore.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Write a Bestseller" with author Taffy Brodesser-Akner.

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This episode is supported by Work Check, an original podcast from Atlassian.

Bethany was ecstatic when her husband Travis got a promotion. They've been co-workers for over a decade and Bethany really valued being on equal footing. But that power balance has since gone topsy turvy. Travis is now her boss (technically her boss's boss) and things are suddenly not equal at home or at work. Her coworkers are treating her differently, and she feels like her career identity is being overshadowed. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Carley Roney, co-founder of the wedding and lifestyle company, The Knot. Carley worked with, and for, her husband for years. She has some hard-won advice for maintaining your independence while keeping the marriage intact.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Fire Your Daughter."

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For a behind the scenes look into some of the articles we read when we create the show, check out our Pocket collection at http://getpocket.com/slate.

Every day around 2:00 p.m. Rob hits a brick wall. A busy job and two young children have zapped all of his energy, and he's desperate to do something—anything—to make it through the rest of the workday. Enter the elusive and often guilt-ridden midday nap. But there too Rob struggles to really rest and then wake up without making things worse. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Sara Mednick, author of Take a Nap! Change Your Life and the forthcoming book The Hidden Power of the Downstate. Sara draws on years of research at her sleep lab to advise Rob, and all of us, how to stay energized during a long day (Hint: It might not involve napping at all).

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Sleep" with Andy Puddicombe, co-founder of Headspace.

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Grace and Nikki both need more friends. Grace is an ICU nurse whose best friends have moved away. Nikki is an electrical engineer who worked remotely for the last year and is now moving to a new city. Making friends as an adult is hard, but not impossible. You just have to do things differently than when you were in 6th grade. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Elizabeth Newcamp, co-host of Slate's Mom and Dad are Fighting and the author of Dutch, Dutch, Goose, a parenting and travel blog. Elizabeth's husband is in the military so they're constantly moving to new places. She's figured out a playbook for transforming casual acquaintances into close friends, even if you're an introvert.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Talk to Strangers" with expert Susan Cain.

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Last week we learned how to stop a public fight before it starts. But despite our best intentions, ugly confrontations still happen—sometimes with tragic consequences. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two part-series, Dan Christensen, a bus driver in Portland, Oregon, and Matt Smith, a crisis intervention trainer and the co-founder of Aegis Training Solutions, are back to teach you what to do when a fight is already underway. Dan talks about his experience with the 2017 Portland train attack that left two people dead. How do you stay safe? What is your responsibility to those around you? In short, how can you be a better bystander?

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Have a Fight That Actually Helps Your Relationship."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson.

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Things are a little more tense than usual these days. Stress and anxiety levels are up and so are fights in public. We've all heard stories of bad behavior in restaurants, airports, hospitals, school board meetings, etc. So on this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Dan Christensen, a bus driver in Portland, Oregon, and Matt Smith, a crisis intervention trainer and the co-founder of Aegis Training Solutions. They both have years of experience defusing ugly confrontations, and a bevy of surprising tips to keep yourself safe while calming down those around you.

If you liked this episode, check out: "After a Year of Survival, How to Start Living Again."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson.

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When Kelly volunteered to be the head coach for his son's baseball team, he was nervous. He had no formal training, but he knew he wanted his players to have equal playing time and, more importantly, have fun. Which they did….until the yelling started and the season ended in a surprising loss (and quite a few tears). What can Kelly do better next season? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Doug Lemov, author of the books, Teach Like a Champion and The Coach's Guide to Teaching. Doug has some fantastic advice for commanding attention, and managing failure, that we can all learn from—on or off the field.

If you liked this episode, check out: "Congrats, You Won the Olympics. Now What?"

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Susan never really got over saying goodbye to her eldest daughter, who left for college four years ago. She knew it would be sad, but she didn't expect to be nauseous. Now her youngest is applying to college, and she's already dreading drop-off next fall which makes her feel like a "pathetic loser." What can Susan do to prep herself for more heartbreak and a completely empty nest? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Kelly Corrigan, best-selling author and host of the podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders. She recently dropped her youngest daughter off at college, which she wrote about in an essay for the New York Times called "How to Let Go of Your Irreplaceable, Unstoppable Daughter." She shares some hard-earned wisdom about how to handle major life transitions with grace.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Your Kid to Finally Grow Up"

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Every kid sneaks a cookie from the cookie jar, but Jamie's 8 year-old daughter Simone has taken it to the next level. If you look under her pillow or in the back of her closet, you'll find stashes of candy wrappers and other illicit items. When confronted, Simone never cracks under pressure. Jamie is worried that if this behavior isn't stopped soon, Simone will grow up to be a "supervillain." On this episode of How To!, we bring on Christina and Ryan Hillsberg, authors of License to Parent: How My Career As a Spy Helped Me Raise Resourceful, Self-Sufficient Kids. They draw on their years of experience at the CIA to help Jamie figure out how to handle Simone's sly behavior. Is there any way to harness it for good? Christina and Ryan give Jamie a crash course in building trust and influencing people without them realizing it.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Convince People to Give You Money."

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Usually when something enters Rachel's parents' home, it never leaves. Growing up, Rachel and her siblings tried to clean out the growing piles of junk, but her mom would often dig into the trash to retrieve whatever was tossed. Rachel finally escaped her parent's over-stuffed house but she still worries about their safety and quality of life. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jessie Sholl, author of Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding. She knows what it's like to spend hours decluttering a house teeming with stuff, only to have it come back with a vengeance. Many of us will eventually have to parent our parents, but how do you handle such an extreme case? Jessie explains that hoarding is a mental illness and advises Rachel on how to find agency in a situation that feels so helpless.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Avoid Becoming Your Mother."

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Have you ever had to make an impossible decision? One that doesn't have an obvious "right" answer. One that someone will inevitably hate. John knows this feeling all too well. He's the superintendent for a mid-size school district in California. To say the last school year was difficult is a major understatement… John tried to ensure the safety of his students, teachers, and faculty while balancing the reality of students struggling in their virtual classes. Throughout the school year, John's relationship with his teachers and the teachers union deteriorated. Now, classes are back in session and he's hoping to find common ground as soon as possible. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Gary Friedman, a world-renowned conflict mediator. He has some tips on how all of us can mend a fraught relationship before it's too late.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stand Up to Your Terrible Manager—Without Getting Fired."

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Do you think of yourself as a "good" person? Most of us do. You probably show others kindness and respect—no matter their age, gender, sexuality, or race, right? But our unconscious biases are often more powerful than we realize. In fact, mountains of evidence show the extent to which implicit bias is ingrained in our police departments, doctor's offices and hiring committees, often to the detriment of marginalized groups. Our listener this week, Tim, has spent a lot of time thinking about his privilege as a cisgender white man and how it affects his work and his community. While he believes he no longer harbors any conscious prejudice, he's still struggling to uncover and combat his implicit biases. On this episode of How To!, guest host Celeste Headlee talks with Mahzarin Banaji, a psychologist at Harvard and the author of Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People. She has some tips on how to interrogate our gut feelings and consciously change the way we see people who are different from us.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Fight Racism in Your Town."

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It's painful for Barbara to think back on her son Ethan's childhood. For years Ethan was caught between feuding parents until, one day, Ethan went to live with his dad and never came back. Barbara regrets not fighting harder for her son or at least communicating better. Now she wants to ask for a second chance before it's too late—but isn't sure how to go about it. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series, we continue with Amy Baker, a developmental psychologist who specializes in restoring family connections between parents and adult children. Amy helps Barbara recall specific memories as she writes a letter of amends, paragraph by paragraph, in an attempt to open Ethan's heart.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Reconnect with Your Kid After a Nasty Divorce," the first in our two-part series.

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Barbara survived a divorce so brutal that she refers to it as 'The War of the Roses.' Perhaps the most painful casualty was the severing of her relationship with her son, Ethan. Decades have passed and Ethan is now married with kids of his own, who Barbara adores. But due to their chilly, distant relationship, Barbara doesn't get to see them as much as she'd like. Can Barbara repair their broken relationship before it's too late? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Amy Baker, a developmental psychologist who specializes in restoring family connections between parents and adult children. She has a specific method for writing a letter of amends that, more often than not, can lead to a breakthrough.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Walk Away From an Impossible Parent."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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