The Horror Virgin

"This ain't no pleasure cruise."

Join the gang this week while we break down a movie so bonkers you will swear it was written in the 80s on cocaine.  But it was made in the late 90s and this movie has EVERYTHING!  A cruise ship owner that wants to sink his boat for the insurance, a mercenary captain looking for love in the South China Sea,  a lady cat burglar who might also be looking for a Treat if ya know what I mean.  Oh yeah and also the SEA MONSTER THAT ATTACKS THEM!!!  This movie is perfect and the episode is bonkers.  Enjoy!!!

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Up Next: The Meg (2018)

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"Aliens thrilled you... The Thing shocked you... Now experience real fear..."

Join the gang this week while we travel 3 miles below the ocean to mine silver... for some reason.  Will Mikey find True love while sharing a flask of vodka?  Will Todd convince his fellow sea miners to unionize? Will Paige find any to be the only woman alive with young Robocop at the end?  find out now!

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Up Next: Deep Rising (1998)

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"This time... It's personal."

Join the gang this week while we travel from Amity to the Bahamas to get away from all these sharks.  Cause sharks don't like to swim in warm water.  So we will be safe in the Bahamas, right?  Like it would be INSANE for one shark to travel from Amity to the Bahamas just for revenge right?  I hope that isn't what this movie is about.

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Up Next: Leviathan (1989)

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"Life and Death are Meaningless...And Pain Is God."

Join the gang this week while we break down our first-ever Rob Zombie film.  We had a LOT of fun in this episode.  did we enjoy the movie?... Kinda.  You'll have to listen to find out.

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Up Next: Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

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"There's Roadkill All Over Texas"

Join the gang while we break down the 3rd installment of the TCM franchise.  This movie is not good.  But this movie almost has it all.  Aragorn? Check.  Ken Foree? Check.  A huge saw that looks too expensive to be used for cutting up people? Check. Enjoy this fun episode.

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Up Next: House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

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"The bayou has its own law... and they just broke it."

Join the gang this week while we continue our southern slashers series with our breakdown of Southern Comfort. This movie seems a little ahead of its time but as we find out throughout the episode, the director didn't AT ALL mean it to be. Enjoy the episode!

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Up Next: Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 (1990)

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"It's the last one you'll ever take."

Join the gang this week while we venture into the deep south.  Will our gang make it through the backwoods of the deep south, or will they make a WRONG TURN!!!!!! Find out now.

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Up Next: Southern Comfort (1981)

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"You'll never guess who's been down this river"

Join the gang while we break down one of the most Iconic horror films on the 1970's. Will Paige confirm that she is too "indoorsy" for this movie? Will Mikey Talk a LOT about his experiences on this river?  Will Todd struggle to come up with a third thing to list while writing an episode blurb?  Find out now!

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Up Next: Wrong Turn (2003)

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"Fear Changes Everything"

Join the gang (Mikey's back!!!) while we break down this extremely sad Stephen King adaptation.  Will Mikey regale us with tales from his vacation to the beach?  Will Todd and Paige sing WAY more than any podcast host should be allowed?  Find out now!

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Up Next: Deliverance (1972)

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"Sometimes dead is better."

Join Paige, Todd, and Special Guest Julian Fernandez had a blast breaking down this amazing movie. Will Paige fall in love with Church? Will Todd enjoy being forced to watch a movie where a truck kills someone AND a pet dies? Will Jules bring some amazing insight and impressions? Find out now.

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Up Next: The Mist (2007)

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"The Most Fun You'll Ever Have BEING SCARED!"

Join the gang for this truly unhinged episode on Creepshow. I don't know if it was because we recorded this later at night, or if it's cause the movie is bonkers, or if it's because Paige had just gotten back from Japan. but this episode is nuts. you all are gonna love it.

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Up Next: Pet Sematary (1989)

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"This Christmas there will be no peace on Earth."

Join the gang, and Special Guest Jeff May while we break down one of his favorite horror movies. Will Jeff convince Mikey that AvPR is amazing, or will Mikey stand fine on his hate of this installment of the AvP franchise? Find out now.

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Up Next: Creepshow (1982)

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"Stephen King's masterpiece of terror directed by the master himself."

Join the gang while we jump into a movie so crazy some of us weren't even sure what happened at the end of this movie.  We had a lot of fun with this truly bonkers movie and we hope you have fun with this extremely bonkers episode.

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Up Next: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem (2007)

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"Mommy's with the maggots now"

Join the gang while we dig deep into Evil Dead Rise. We could think of no better way to celebrate mothers day than recording an episode on Evil Dead Rise. We honestly loved this movie. Even Todd. Even though he hopes he will never see it again.

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Up Next: Maximum Overdrive (1986)

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"I'm going to give you the choice I never had."

Join the Gang while we dig into Anne Rice's best adaptation with friend of the pod Jon Risinger. We have a lot of fun with this episode talking about all the things we absolutely missed the first time we saw this movie as children.

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Up Next: Evil Dead Rise (2023)

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"They will tear your soul apart. Again."

Join the gang while they venture back into an 8th graders angsty screenplay to see how we feel about the 2nd film in the Hellraiser franchise. Will Todd hate this one as much as he did the first? Find out now!

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Up Next: Interview with the Vampire (1994)

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"After ten years... the ball is back!"

Join the gang while we head back into the bonkers world of Phantasm after all these years? Do we try to break this movie down logically? No. How could we. But we do have loads of fun walking you through this insane sequel. Enjoy!

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Up Next: Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

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"A movie about class where the rich fight the rich and the poor only survive because the rich allow it"

Join the gang in this extra long episode about a movie that some people love and some people hate and both are right. All we know is that there is no way we'd make it out alive.

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Up Next: Phantasm 2 (1988)

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"It's like if Todd was stuck in a haunted house"

A disgraced internet personality attempts to win back his followers by livestreaming one night alone in a haunted house. But when he accidentally pisses off a vengeful spirit, his big comeback event becomes a real-time fight for his life. Will Todd... I am Shawn make it through the night in one piece? Find out now.

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Up Next: The Menu (2022)

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"May I have this dance?"

Join the Gang while we head back to a vaguely WW1 time period for a case study into how Pearl started murdering.  Will Paige and just absolutely fall in love with the aesthetic? Will Todd dig the mid century Disney vibe of the movie, Will Mikey's policy of assuming all hot women that are into him are murderers save him from Mia Goth?  Find out now!

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Up Next: Deadstream (2022)

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"Once you know the Devil, the Devil knows you."

Join the gang while we jump into this insane world where it seems like the Catholic church runs everything and they have definitive proof that god exists.  Seriously this movie is wild and it takes wild swings at things that are insane.  So naturally, this episode is also insane.  Enjoy!

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Up Next: Pearl (2022)

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"Yo Mary... What that tongue do"

Join the gang this week while we head to Ravensfair to find out exactly what has killed 99.9% of that town. Will Todd get freaked out by the weird puppets? Will Paige pine over Stackhouse's abs? Will Mikey lust after Mary solely because of her mouth game? Find out now!

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Up Next: Prey For The Devil (2022)

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"this movie is a turd burger but let's power through"

Join the gang this week while we go back to the 70's to see whats up with this Annabelle doll.  As it turns out, not much.  But the demon does seem very attached to it. You may not love this movie.  But you'll love this episode.

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Up Next: Dead Silence (2007)

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"There comes a time to put away childhood things. But some things just won't stay put!"

Join the gang this week as we jump into one of our favorite franchises.  This one is truly unhinged and it has the added bonus of feeling a little rushed and unpolished like the first 2.  Add a very unnerving Barber to the mix and you have the makings of a Mikey Movie FOR SURE!

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Up Next: Annabelle (2014)

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"She's more than a toy. She's family."

Join us this week while we dive back into the mind of the amazing Akela Cooper. Will this movie turn out to be just as bonkers as Milgnant? Will we enjoy another film that feels like it was made in a "Mikey Movie" factory just for us to watch and enjoy. Yes. That is exactly what happens. You'll love it.

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Up Next: Child's Play 3 (1991)

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"Against an army of immortals, one warrior must draw first blood."

Join the gang while we head down south to the mean streets, of what we are told is New Orleans.  We really had a blast with this movie.  From the really bad special effects to the amazing one-liners.  This movie has everything the 90's had to offer.  

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Up Next: M3GAN (2023)

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"Our greatest threat is our only hope."

Join the gang this week while we dive into a movie that we all found absolutely compelling. There is a lot to discuss in this movie from the film itself to the metaphors it plays on. Please enjoy this breakdown of The Girl With All The Gifts.

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Up Next: Blade (1998)

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"A friend with Weed is a friend indeed"

Join the gang while we take a deep dive into a Leprechaun so offensive it couldn't be in theaters.  Will the gang be able to navigate through all the problematic issues in this movie?  Find out now!

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Up Next: The Girl with all the Gifts (2016)

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"The closest we will ever get to having an Among Us Movie"

Join the gang while we hold up in the deep south for a hurricane party.  Will Todd be the first to die? Will Mikey finally be able to find love when it's like a 5-to-1 girl-to-guy ratio? Will Paige make it through the night alive?  Find out now!

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Up Next: Leprechaun In the Hood (2000)

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"Five friends go to a cabin in the woods. Bad things happen."

Join the gang while we revisit Cabin in the Woods.  Does it hold up as well as it did when it came out in 2012?  We dive deep into every monster in the hell elevator, every reference they worked into this movie, and every little scare that got Todd.

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Up Next: Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)

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"Somewhere between science and superstition, there is another world. The world of darkness."

Join the gang while we venture back to D.C. in the 1970s. Will Mikey convince Regan's mom to forget all about her soon-to-be ex in Rome? Will Todd "NOPE" out at the first sign of anything paranormal? Will Paige take Regan back to the present day when she finds out she couldn't legally have a credit card until a year after this movie premiered?

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Up Next: Cabin in the Woods (2011)

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"Man is The Warmest Place to Hide."

The Podcast just discovered something.  For 100,000 years it was buried in ice.  Now it has found a place to live. Will Paige, Mikey, and Todd survive outpost 31?

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Up Next: The Exorcist (1973)

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"On Friday the 13th, Jason is Back...But this time...He's Met His Match!"

It's that special day of the year when we all come together and celebrate the amazing Friday the 13th Franchise.  We are again joined by our "Friday the 13th" correspondent Jonathan while we go on the hilarious journey that is Part 7.

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Up Next: The Thing (1982)

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"There are some places in the universe you don't go alone."

Join the gang while we venture back to LV-426 to see what happened since we did our last episode.  Spoiler alert.  We loved this movie.  We hope you love this episode just as much.

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Up Next: The Thing (1982)

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"Every family tree hides a secret."

Join the Gang while we dive back into Hereditary. This movie is brutal and SO good. Will Mikey drop some amazing therapy knowledge? Will Paige's fun facts blow your freaking mind? Will we talk about incredibly intense and traumatizing personal experiences? Find out now!

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Up Next: Aliens (1986)

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"There's something wrong with Esther."

Happy Christmas/Holidays!!!!

Join the gang while we drive deep into this BONKERS movie about a "child".  Will Mikey finally realize his dream of punching a child?  Will Paige get save that rose bush? Will Todd ever discover Peter Sarsgaard's true heritage? Find out now!

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Up Next: Hereditary (2018)

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"I steer a little, but the reindeer do most of the work."

Join the gang while we try get into this instant Christmas Classic.  This movie is everything we wanted and more.  So please enjoy this hilarious breakdown of a wonderful movie!

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Up Next: Orphan (2009)

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"He's making a list... pray you're not on it."

What do you get if you take all the fun insanity of professional wrestling, stripped away the ring, the announcers, and replaced Vince Mcmahon with Goldberg... But dressed as Santa? You get this amazing Santa Slasher!

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Up Next: Violent Night (2022)

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"The nightmare is about to begin... again!"

Join the gang while they break down Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 1... and part 2 of part 1.  This thing is more or less a clip show with a guy built EXACTLY to Paige's specifications.

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Up Next: Santa's Slay (2005)

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"Once you see it, it's too late."

Join the gang while we break down all the ways this movie triggers our specific trauma.  Will Paige ever get a good night's sleep?  Will Mikey give up being a hero at his day job to podcast full-time?  Will Todd ever forgive himself for dicking down trucksacutioner?  Find out now

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"Every rose has its thorns."

Join the gang while we break down a movie that was about 10 years ahead of its time.  We hope you enjoy our serious, but silly/fun, conversation about this week's movie.

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Up Next: Smile (2022)

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"Where shopping can cost you an arm and a leg."

Join the gang while we venture to the mall. Apparently, Mikey has invited everyone to a furniture store orgy... But Todd and Paige just want to watch movies all night. I hope nothing goes wrong with this new shopping mall security system.

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Up Next: Teeth (2007)

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"If you're looking for horror that's got balls...IT'S FOUND YOU."

Join the gang while they travel back to 1970s America to fight out why so many Jawa's seem to be living in Oregon.  Will Mikey get murderer while doin it Mary Shelley Style? Will Todd keep his Ice Cream truck intact? Will Paige point out how this movie makes it VERY clear that the Actor/Actress were held to a MUCH different beauty standard? Find out now!

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Up Next: Chopping Mall (1986)

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"It's a good movie. But it's not a Halloween Movie"

Join the gang while we travel to Illinois one final time to face off against the boogieman of Haddonfield, Corey.  Who really didn't do anything wrong.  It was gravity's fault.  Jeremy's head was extremely heavy.

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Up Next: Phantasm (1979)

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"He's in town with a few days to kill."

Join the Gang, with our special Predator Expert Blaine, as we travel to 1997 LA.  Apparently, there is a nerd predator that hates drugs and is killing everyone involved with them.  Will Detective Glover be able to kill the Predator thereby saving the drug trade in LA?  Find out now!

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Up next: Halloween Ends (2022)

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"New decade. New rules."

Join the gang while we go back to Westboro, Wait that wasn't it. Woodsboro... Thats it.  Join the gang there while we try to figure out who done it again.  Will Todd die while streaming his own credit card info? Will Mikey get shot RIGHT IN THE DICK? Will Paige finally step out of her Cousin's shadow and into the spotlight she deserves? Find out now.

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Up next: Predator 2 (1990)

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"It's Playtime... Again!"

Join the gang while we jump back into the Child's Play franchise. This movie is bonkers and we had a lot of fun talking about.  Enjoy!

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Up next: Scream 4 (2011)

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"After a decade of silence... The buzzz is back!"

Join the gang while we break down a sequel that is so bonkers it feels like a porn parody of the original.  We truly hope you enjoy this insane episode on this insane movie.

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Up next: Child's Play 2 (1990)

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"No.  Not the one with Conan."

You'll never believe it, but the Gang all showed up at the same Airbnb.  Apparently, they all booked it on different apps for the same night.  Oh well.  Todd can sleep on the couch, Paige can take the bedroom, and Mikey can sleep on the air mattress... That is if he ever gets done measuring the square footage.

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Up next: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 (1986)

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