Pillow Talks

Mutual masturbation is one of the sexiest things you can do in the bedroom! But when we asked our audience if they had ever mutually masturbated with their partner, only 36% said yes.

in today’s episode, we break down what mutual masturbation is, how to get comfortable and confident doing it, and how to take it to the next level!

Links & Resources:

Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

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Is it cheating to keep nudes from past relationships? Have an Only Fans account? Have a “work wife”?

For this episode, we asked our community to tell us about a situation they’re in that has left them wondering, “Does this count as cheating?” The answers were fascinating, and we had a blast giving our hot takes.

This is a great episode to listen to with your partner, to make sure you’re on the same page about what counts as cheating in your relationship.

Links & Resources:

Check out our courses

Instagram: @vanessaandxander

Tiktok: @vanessaandxander

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

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Is there something your partner does in the bedroom that you’re not sure you should put up with?

This episode was inspired by a message we got from a woman whose husband wears headphones and listens to podcasts while they have sex. She wanted to know if it was OK for her to be upset by this behavior.

Minds blown, we turned to Instagram to ask people what other confusing or unusual behaviors they were putting up with. In this shocking (and honestly pretty unhinged) episode, we’ll give you our hot takes on what you should and shouldn’t put up with.

Links & Resources:

Guide: Dirty Talk 101

Thanks Zocdoc.Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Thanks Horoscope Weekly. New episodes release every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts. Just search for “Horoscope Weekly with Aliza Kelly”.

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Does Vanessa wear the pants in the relationship? Are we skipping out on meetings to have sex in the middle of the day? Are we rich??

It’s time for another round of Ask Us Anything, and we’re answering all your nosiest assumptions. We’re covering the most personal topics involving our relationship, our business, and even our sex lives.

Links & Resources:

Course: Your Best Week Ever

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Thanks Chewy. Save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewy.com/PILLOWS

Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co.

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Ever found yourself feeling attracted to someone else despite being in a committed monogamous relationship? Maybe someone cute you saw at the gym. Or a college. Or even your partner’s best friend??

Don’t worry, you aren’t the only one.

Today we’re digging into real stories from our community about times they were attracted to someone else, and giving our best advice on how to handle attraction to other people while in a relationship.

Links & Resources:

Free Guide: 20 Great Compliments To Give Your Partner

Subscribe here

Instagram: @vanessaandxander

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Have you wanted to bring a sex toy into the bedroom but been worried about your partner’s response?

It can be a scary ask! Maybe you’re worried about hurting your partner’s feelings, maybe you don’t even own one yet.

Well, we think sex toys can be an incredibly useful way to balance the orgasm gap and increase pleasure! So in this episode, we’re going to help you introduce sex toys into the bedroom (but without making it weird)!

Links & Resources:

Recommended Products

Guide: Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Guide: Next Level Intercourse

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks HelloFresh. For FREE breakfast for life go to HelloFresh dot com slash freepillow.

Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co.

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“When mommy and daddy lock the bedroom door…”

We’ve all been there at some point in our childhood when someone sat us down and talked to us for the first time about sex. Odds are it was probably awkward, uncomfortable, and maybe left you with more questions than before.

In this episode, we’re digging into all of your true stories about how “The Talk” was given to you, and we’re sharing our stories too.

So if you’ve ever wondered how similar your first conversation about sex is to someone else, this is an episode you can’t miss.

Links & Resources:

Course: How To Talk To Your Kids About Sex

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

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We’re back with Part 2 of our “What Do Women Really Think About…?” series. We turned to our instagram community again and asked for a new batch of topics.

We’re diving into women’s real thoughts about spitting vs swallowing, their partners watching porn, and some (pretty crazy) wild cards.

Links & Resources:

Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Next Level Intercourse

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Thanks MarleySpoon. Experience the most personalized meal kit today with Marley Spoon. Head to MarleySpoon.com/OFFER/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for up to 25 FREE meals!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever had a frustrating situation with a partner that left you wondering, “Is this your problem to fix? Or mine?”

Whether it’s disagreeing on parenting choices or your partner having a fetish that you’re not into yourself, it’s completely normal to be confused about who needs to make a change.

Today we’re bringing back “Is This Your Shit Or Mine?” for part 2. Get ready for some fascinating stories from other couples and our best advice for how to move forward!

Links & Resources:

Our Courses & Guides

Thanks Chewy. Save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to chewy.com/PILLOWS

Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co.

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Long distance relationships are hard! About 14 million people are in long distance relationships in the US alone, and most of them report struggling to keep the spark alive. In this episode, we’re going to help you stay connected and keep it spicy with hacks, techniques, tips, and tricks.

Links & Resources:

Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life

Dirty Talk 101

Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Next Level Intercourse

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

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Have you ever considered opening your relationship? Or just ever felt nosy about why other people open theirs?

For today’s episode, we asked our Instagram audience to let us know if they were considering opening their relationship. We weigh in on what they should do and give them (and you!) our best advice.

Links & Resources:

Art Of Initiation

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

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Does a lack of privacy get in the way of your sex life? You’re not alone. 62% of our audience say they wish they had more privacy, and 92% of them say they’d be having more and better sex if they had more privacy. If you don’t have privacy, you may find it difficult to get in the mood, relax in the moment, make any noise, or even allow yourself to have sex in the first place.

In this episode, you’ll get access to practical tips taken straight from one of our paid courses, Rediscovering Us!

Links & Resources:

Rediscovering Us: Intimacy And Sex for Parents

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

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Did you know that only 24% of people said they’re happy with the level of vulnerability in their relationship?

We asked our community why they struggle to be vulnerable, and heard things like:

-I didn’t grow up being vulnerable, so I don’t know how to do it

-We’ve been together for so long without being vulnerable; it would feel weird to try to start now

-What’s the point of vulnerability?

Our hot take is that without vulnerability, you don’t have a real relationship. So in this episode, we’re breaking down your barriers and helping you and your partner get more vulnerable!

Links & Resources:

Simple Daily Check-In

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

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Your partner wants you to flirt with them more!

But the majority of us feel like we don’t know HOW to flirt. It feels awkward or cheesy... Or we don’t know what our partner will actually like.

Get your notebooks out because today we’re going to teach you how to flirt with your partner! We’ll cover why flirting is so important in long-term relationships, how to get over your resistance to it, and dozens of specific examples of how to flirt.

Pro-tip: this is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner!

Links & Resources:

Art Of Initiation

Dirty Talk 101

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

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Threesomes are one of the most common fantasies, but most of us feel completely clueless about how to actually make them happen! In today’s episode, we walk you through how to have your first one, and share some hot, hilarious, awkward, and horrible stories about other peoples’ threesomes.

If you’ve ever wanted to have a threesome or just want to hear about others’ experiences, you’re in for a treat!

Links & Resources:

Courses & Guides

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

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Get ready for the highly anticipated third act to one of our most popular episodes yet - Is This Normal?

You’ll get answers to questions like: Is it normal that my husband isn’t instantly turned on when he sees me naked? Is it normal to never have masturbated? Is it normal to get the ick from my husband whom I truly love? And so much more!

Prepare to laugh, cringe, and nod your head in recognition as we address your questions head-on!

Links & Resources:

Next Level Intercourse

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks HelloFresh. Go to hellofresh.com/pillowapps for FREE appetizers for life!

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

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Today we’re getting ULTRA personal, and answering all your questions about our recent experience in couples therapy.

Do we think therapy sometimes digs up stuff that wasn’t a problem? Do we ever hope our therapist takes our side? And of course, the big question that everyone wanted to know… WHY are we in couples therapy in the first place? (We got really vulnerable and emotional with this one…)

We hope these topics (and our sometimes controversial answers) start some conversations that you never knew you needed to have!

Links & Resources:

Our Courses & Guides

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Thanks Helix. helixsleep.com/pillow and get 30% off.

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Are these four communication mistakes ruining your relationship?

In today’s episode we’re revealing the Four Horsemen. Researcher John Gottman discovered that these specific communication pitfalls could predict divorce with over 90% accuracy!

We’re breaking down what they are, how to know if you’re doing them, and what to do to have better communication going forward.

Links & Resources:

Our Courses & Guides

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Xander’s back in the hot seat answering all your burning questions about male behavior!

Why do guys mansplain? Why do they struggle to find things that are right in front of their faces? Why are men always initiating when we’re right in the middle of something like doing the dishes? Why can’t they ever be vulnerable? And what’s with the obsession over the volume of their cum??

Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights.

Links & Resources:

Episode 120: “Why Do Guys Do This?” Xander Explains Male Behavior

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

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When the spark dies off in a relationship, it’s really easy to blame it on libido.

But is libido actually the problem?

In this episode, we reveal the truth about sex drive and ask a big question, “does libido even matter?”

Links & Resources:

Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Next Level Intercourse

Art of Initiation

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

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Welcome to our 2nd round of “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference). Grab your partner, pull up a chair, pour your favorite cocktail or mocktail, and come on a double date with us!

You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top.

Afterwards, you can play your own version of Know Ya Boo with your partner. DM us with how it went, and if you beat our scores!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

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What do you do when it’s been a while…

When you don’t remember the last time you had sex. When the idea of initiating feels even more awkward than usual. When you’re not sure if your partner is missing it the same way you are.

In this episode, we’re breaking down why dry spells happen in the first place and telling you exactly how to get back on the horse. We’ll even answer the big question… do we NEED to have sex?

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

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We’re back again with another edition of Am I The Asshole. This time around we’re talking about your trickiest in-law related situations.

We’re covering stories about dietary preferences, back-handed compliments, dinner table mishaps, and so much more.

If you’ve ever wondered if you’re the asshole when it comes to your in-laws, our unfiltered takes are here to help you decide.

Links & Resources:

Visit our Homepage

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

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A few weeks ago we asked our community if they felt resentment in their relationship and only 29% said no!

Resentment doesn’t feel good for either partner, and it can lead to things like more stress, less sex, and lots of other serious consequences in your relationship.

We decided it was time to create an episode breaking down what resentment is, where it comes from, and how to overcome it in your relationship.

Links & Resources:

Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)

Visit our Homepage (http://vmtherapy.com/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Imagine this… you’re crawling into bed at the end of the night, thinking, “Hmmm sex sounds nice.”

We hate to break it to you, but you’re too late! You needed to have been planning for this much earlier in the day. You needed to be using our unique approach to foreplay.

Most of us think of foreplay as the stuff we do for 30 seconds before we move on to intercourse, but it’s so much more than that. Today we’re telling you about the magic of all-day, non-sexual foreplay.

Links & Resources:

Course: Art Of Initiation

Challenge: The Connection Challenge

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

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You’ve had a fight over text message with your partner, right? Most of us have! Maybe you sent a text to your partner that was a little too snarky, or maybe you read too much into a message. Odds are your text fight did not end well…

Today we’re breaking down a real text fight one of our followers sent in. It started off as a fight over facial hair, but like most fights do, evolved into something much deeper. We covered topics like body confidence, broken trust, and validation. We point out the things they did right, and the ways things went oh so wrong. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into another couple’s conflict, plus tons of communication tips along the way.

Links & Resources:

Our Instagram: @vanessandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months

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If you’re a Pillow Talks listener, you’re probably on board with the idea of talking about sex openly. But what do you do if your partner is a lot more hesitant?

In this episode, we’re going over why your partner might be feeling resistant, and how you can encourage them to open up. You’ll learn our secret to intimacy-building conversation, plus tons of creative (and even sneaky) ways to get your partner to talk about sex.

Links & Resources:

Book:  Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We really went there…

It’s time for another round of Smash or Pass! The series where we find the internet’s weirdest sex tips, try them out, and report back to you with all the details.

We dug deep to find the craziest ideas for us to try, and what we found was well… interesting. We’re even taking you into our bedroom during one of the tips so you can hear our live reaction!

The Countdown Method… using a glove… the Nose Dive method. Are any of these new tips Pillow Talks Approved? You’ll just have to tune in and find out!

Links & Resources:

Course:  Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/)

Guide:  Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/)

Guide:  Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow).

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“This, uh, isn’t working…”

Most of us have experienced a partner having some performance issues in the bedroom, and feeling wildly confused about what to do. How do you react? What do you say?

And let’s be honest, most of us women take these moments personally. We get into our heads thinking things like, “Am I not attractive enough? Am I bad at sex??”

Today we’re breaking down for you why penis performance issues happen, and how men need you to respond in those extra-sensitive moments. Xander is also helping us non-penis owners understand what’s really going on inside men’s heads, and the pressures men feel around sex.

Links & Resources:

Guide: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://www.zocdoc.com/) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“I just don’t understand where you’re coming from.”

Have you ever been in the heat of an argument with your partner, and felt totally unable see their perspective on the issue?

We put up a question box on Instagram and asked people to tell us about a conflict where they’re experiencing that kind of genuine confusion. Now, we’re breaking down the trickiest situations to help you see your partner’s point of view in a brand new light. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into what other couples fight about, and tons of useful relationship advice you haven’t heard before!

Links & Resources:

Guide:  Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks EarthBreeze!  EarthBreeze.com/pillow (https://earthbreeze.com/pillow) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%!

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Have you ever wondered what everyone secretly fantasizes about? We anonymously polled our audience, and we’re spilling all the secrets today!

We’re also doing a deep dive on all your fantasy questions. Where do they come from? What do they mean? Is there something wrong with you if you don’t have any?

Links & Resources:

Guide:  Sexual Bucket List (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-bucket-list-29/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow).

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

75% of people say that nagging is an issue in their relationship. So we thought it was time we gave our take on this controversial topic.

We’re talking about the differences between nagging, reminding, and micromanaging. When is it nagging versus your partner not carrying their share of the mental load? What do you do when you can’t trust your partner to get something done without nagging?

We also got into a pretty vulnerable conversation about the role nagging has in our day-to-day relationship.

Plus, we’re walking you through specific steps to help stop nagging because the reality is, no one likes to nag and no one likes to receive nagging…

Links & Resources:

Workbook:   Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW at www.oneskin.co (https://www.oneskin.co/)

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever wondered what your partner REALLY thinks about your performance in the bedroom?

Well, it turns out there are a few things they secretly wish you’d stop doing…

We turned to Instagram and asked people to anonymously share all of their bedroom pet peeves and red flags. The responses were fascinating. We’re breaking down the most common answers and giving you tips to start the conversation with your partner about what you actually want and like from each other during sex.

Links & Resources:

Course:   Art of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/)

Course:   Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/)

Course:   Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/)

Guide:   👉 ⁠⁠⁠Dirty Talk 101 (only available inside of DEEPER)⁠⁠ 

Guide:   👉 ⁠⁠⁠Butt Stuff 🍑 (only available inside of DEEPER)⁠⁠ 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow  (https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Surprise! We’re in couples therapy.

We sat down and recorded one of our most vulnerable episodes yet all about why we’re in therapy and how it’s going. We talked about what to look for in a potential therapist (and where to look) and gave some tips on how to ask your partner to go to therapy with you.

We also got surprisingly deep about the resistance one of us had to going to therapy in the first place…

Links & Resources:

Visit our Homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://www.dipseastories.com/pillow).

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Today, we’re tackling a huge issue that so many people can relate to… feeling uncomfortable in your own skin during sex. We’re diving into the specific things that make you the most self-conscious, and how these thoughts can impact your sex life.

Xander clues us in on what most men are really thinking about bodies during sex and we get into a fascinating (and very personal) conversation about our own body confidence issues.

If you’re looking for guidance on how to build body confidence so you can stop worrying about your body and start having amazing sex, this is the episode for you!

Links & Resources:

Visit our homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

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Today we’re asking a tough question… Are you lazy in bed? And an even harder one… Would your partner say you’re lazy during sex?

In this episode, we’re breaking down the specific things you’re doing that your partner thinks are lazy, the consequences of bedroom laziness, and the surprising reasons why you’re not putting in more effort.

Most importantly, we’ll walk you through our step-by-step process to stop being lazy and start having more fun in the bedroom!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS 

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79% of our community members want their partners to be more romantic. Romance seems to come so easy at the beginning of a relationship, but feels so much harder to sustain long-term!

In this episode, we’ll walk you through specific steps to get your partner to be more romantic. You’ll discover your toxic beliefs about romance, the ways you’re actually missing romantic gestures, and tons of specific romantic suggestions.

We also asked men to tell us why they’re not more romantic, and what their partners could do to encourage more romance. You’re definitely going to want to tune in for the answers!

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://www.dipseastories.com/pillow).

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You might already know that you’re a 3 on the Enneagram, a generator in human design, or an ENTJ in Myers–Briggs. But do you know your personality type in the bedroom? 

Today we’re breaking down our Sex Personality Types model. Our 11 types help you understand what great sex means to you, and what you’re really looking to experience. We’ll help you figure out your type - and your partner’s! We’ll also tell you what to do if your types are different, because - spoiler alert - you probably are! 

Links & Resources:

Instagram: @vanessaandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (https://Babbel.com/pillow)for 55% off your subscription.

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Snip snap! We’re back with part 2 of Xander’s vasectomy journey. (Start with part 1 if you want to hear his story.) This time we’re answering all your questions about the process from start to finish (literally, all 30 “finishes”).

Did Xander have any pain during sex after the procedure? Did his sex drive change? Do his balls hang lower? Is his semen a different color, texture, or volume, and does it smell funny now? Did his vasectomy make him feel less masculine?

Plus, we share tons of advice about how to talk to your male partner about getting a vasectomy!

Links & Resources:

Check out our homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

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We asked you to share your funniest foreplay fails, and you REALLY delivered! Today we’re sharing the dangers of jalapeños, why you shouldn’t chew gum during oral, and some bad Cosmo advice about armpits!

But we couldn’t leave it at just your stories; we had to include some of our funniest fails as well. Trust us, you definitely want to hear what happened the very first time Vanessa ever gave someone a blowjob, and the time Xander didn’t really make it to foreplay…

If you want to avoid your own foreplay fail, we’re also sharing our #1 resource for having the best foreplay experience of your life!

Links & Resources:

Guide: The Foreplay Guides (https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow).

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Xander got a vasectomy!

By popular demand, we’re walking you through the entire process - how and why we decided to go this route, finding the right doctor, the procedure itself (including the truth about how painful it really was…), aftercare, and so much more.

We also share some hilarious details about preparing for the procedure (including some truly bizarre pictures), Xander’s rant for the haters, and the post-procedure test that had Xander PANICKING!

If you’ve ever wanted the inside scoop on vasectomies, this is an episode you won't want to miss.

And stay tuned for part 2, where we’ll answer all of your burning questions about the procedure.

Links & Resources:

Check out our website (https://vmtherapy.com)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months

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2023 has been one wild ride! This podcast - all 136 episodes so far - has been a major part of our year, so what better way to celebrate than counting down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks in 2023? Take a stroll down memory lane to the moments when we couldn't stop laughing or could barely believe the words coming out of our mouths.

Your support means the world to us and we can’t wait to keep growing this community. Happy New Year from all of us to all of you!

Links & Resources:

Check out our podcast page here! vmtherapy.com/podcast (https://vmtherapy.com/podcast/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS 

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The first time we did Am I The Asshole it was a major success, so we knew we had to bring it back for a part two! In this special holiday edition, we’ve got more fiery takes on your craziest seasonal stories. We’re talking about in-laws, gift exchanges gone wrong, and a workplace Christmas party with a very important side note.

Plus, a special guest joins us to weigh in on whether or not Vanessa is actually the holiday asshole…

This is an episode you’ll definitely want to put on in the car on the way to your family dinner. Or play at your family celebration and start some conversations! Once you’ve listened to the episode, come back and let us know which story was your favorite and whether or not you agree with our opinions.

Links & Resources:

Podcast episodes: Episode 37: The Truth About Why We’re Child Free (https://vmtherapy.com/episode37)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow (https://storyworth.com/pillow)

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We all feel like we’re supposed to just be naturally good at intercourse, but there are so many dynamics that can trip us up! What positions are best? How do you MOVE during it? What do you do if one of you can easily orgasm from intercourse, but the other can’t?!

We asked our audience what their biggest frustrations are when it comes to intercourse, and we got back some surprising, and some not-so-surprising, answers. We struggled with intercourse early in our own relationship, so we related to a lot of responses.

In this episode, we’re sharing exactly what to do to fix these common challenges. And Xander even gives us the inside scoop on the male perspective when it comes to the challenges and pressures of intercourse.

Links & Resources:

Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://GreenChef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus 20% off your next 2 months.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“We’re just not having sex anymore...”

If you’ve found yourself uttering (or even just thinking) this line, you’re not alone. So many couples will experience a loss of not just their sex life but intimacy altogether.

When we released Dead Bedrooms Part One earlier this year, it instantly became one of our top episodes of all time. So we decided to bring it back for a Part Two with a brand new couple.  

In this episode, you get to take a peek into another couple’s bedroom as we help them navigate how to resuscitate their sex life. We’re giving our top pointers for reconnecting inside the bedroom and out, tips on how to move through the difficult conversations, and a few suggestions for resources that can help the process along. A dead bedroom can feel draining and never-ending but we promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you’re willing to keep going!

Links & Resources:

Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/)

Course:  Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/)

Course:  Rediscovering Us (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/pilfs/)

Website: Home Page (https://vmtherapy.com/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow).

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Thanks Uncommon Goods! Get 15% off your next gift at uncommongoods.com/PILLOW (https://uncommongoods.com/PILLOW)

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This episode is all about the most viral piece of content we’ve ever made - why we make out every single night before bed. Our two-minute video has amassed almost 20 million views on social, was talked about on daytime TV shows, and even landed us an interview with the New York Times. We had no idea that this topic would be so popular, but it clearly struck a nerve!

So we decided to break our nightly ritual down for you in more detail and answer the most common questions we get asked. We’re spilling the beans on:

• Why we decided to do it in the first place
• If it’s awkward getting it started every night
• If we still do it even when we’re angry with each other
• If it makes intimacy feel like an obligation or a chore

Links & Resources:

Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/)

Guide:  Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/)

Instagram: @vanessaandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/)

Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (http://Babbel.com/pillow)for 55% off your subscription.

Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow (http://StoryWorth.com/pillow)

Thanks Je Joue!  Go to JeJoue.com (https://bit.ly/45MJ2Ki) for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“What? I was just being honest!”

This is one of the most common phrases that gets uttered during conflicts between couples. We’ve all been taught to believe that honesty is a virtue, but let's be real, some of us are crossing the line between honesty into cruelty.

In this episode, we asked you to tell us about the situations where your partner said something that felt cruel to you, or you said something to your partner that felt cruel to them. We’re giving you our hot takes on if it was honest or just plain mean.

We’re even sharing some of our very personal (and very embarrassing) moments when we were way too honest with each other!

Links & Resources:

Our email list: vmtherapy.com/subscribe (http://vmtherapy.com/subscribe)

Instagram: @vanessaandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com https://CozyEarth.com and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Thanks Uncommon Goods! Get 15% off your next gift at uncommongoods.com/PILLOW (https://uncommongoods.com/PILLOW)

Thanks Je Joue!  Go to JeJoue.com (https://bit.ly/45MJ2Ki) for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30!

Products we love from Je Joue:  The Couples Collection Gift Set (https://www.jejoue.com/products/the-couples-collection-gift-set)

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In February, we released our book, Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. It was an instant New York Times bestseller!

Now that the book has been out for close to a year, we thought it was about time to sit down and share the feedback we’ve gotten from thousands of readers.

In this episode, we’re giving you the five biggest takeaways from the book, including the shocking assumptions that you don’t realize are impacting your sex life, the dynamics that are ruining emotional intimacy, and the topic that got us almost 20 million views on social media and an interview with the New York Times.

Links & Resources:

Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/)

Course:  Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/)

Workbook:  Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow).

Thanks Babbel. Babbel.com/pillow (http://Babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription.

Thanks Je Joue!  Go to JeJoue.com (https://JeJoue.com) for their Black Friday sale Nov 10 - Nov 30!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we’re talking about something we’ve never heard talked about openly… silent sex.

Did you know that more than 50% of people regularly have sex where at least one partner is completely silent? This might not initially seem like a huge deal, but there are actually a number of drawbacks to having totally quiet sex.

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down for you why you’re having silent sex, the benefits of making some noise in the bedroom, and some simple steps to help you get more comfortable with it! You’ll also learn the surprising truth about which gender in a male/female relationship is the quiet one…

Links & Resources:

Guide: Dirty Talk 101 (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/dt-101/)

Guide:  Modern Man’s Guide (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/modern-mans-guide/)

Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (http://GreenChef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus free shipping.

Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://CozyEarth.com) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you wish your partner was more invested in your relationship? Do you find yourself wishing they would plan more date nights, spend less time on their phone and more time with you, or show you that they’re actively working on being a better partner? If so, you’re not alone. 70% of people are longing for a more involved partnership.

We know — from personal experience — that getting your partner to be more active can feel challenging. Maybe you just don’t know how to start the conversation or how to phrase your request. Or maybe you asked, but your partner never followed through. Or maybe they even said “no”.

Whatever the case may be, we’ll give you some sneaky yet effective ways to get your partner more invested in your relationship.

Links & Resources:

Challenge:  The Connection Challenge (https://vmtherapy.com/connection/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices