Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore how we can reparent ourselves, recover from emotionally immature parenting, and develop greater emotional maturity. They discuss what emotional maturity actually is, the "good enough" parent, the voices we internalize, and how adults can begin to give themselves the internal security and emotional attunement they missed in childhood. Other topics include why feeling misunderstood is so painful, the lifelong dance between connection and autonomy, and the hidden costs of authoritarian parenting. 

About our guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author of a number of books, including Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and her new book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro & what emotional maturity looks like

7:45: Why our culture undervalues emotional maturity 

12:56: The “good enough” parent

20:05: What happens to children with emotionally immature parents

27:15: Repair in adulthood

36:22: The importance of feeling understood

43:40: Mirroring: why it’s important and how to get better at it

49:07: Balancing connection and autonomy

53:39: The appropriate level of parental authority

1:04:34: Parenting mistakes to avoid

1:15:29: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can become securely attached to ourselves: building an internal foundation that lets us connect with others, regulate our emotions, and explore the world from that secure base. They talk about how this is supposed to develop in childhood, why it doesn't for many people, and what we can actually do about it as adults. Topics include the research on early attachment, why so many of us arrive at adulthood with a strong inner critic and weak inner support, and four practical paths forward: creating a coherent narrative about your past, reparenting yourself, rescaling your sense of self in relation to others, and building self-trust through healthy exploration. 

Rick’s Attachment Course: Join Rick for a 5-week online course on using the research-backed HEAL method to heal insecure attachment and create new neural pathways for interacting and connecting securely. You can learn more at RickHanson.com/attachment and get 25% off with coupon code BeingWell25.

Key Topics 

0:00: Introduction

2:00: The research on becoming a “secure base”

8:17: How we internalize early sources of regulation and recognition

15:43: What happens when love is contingent

18:44: Forming a coherent narrative

29:14: Reparenting yourself

42:07: Rebuilding your sense of self

57:40: Using your secure base to explore, try, and fail

1:09:18: Recap

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If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by the options in your life, you’re not alone. Today, Forrest is joined by best-selling author David Epstein to discuss how constraints can lead to greater creativity, generativity, and, paradoxically, freedom. They trace how intentional constraints have led to some of the most influential contributions to the world, including Mendeleev’s periodic table, Viriginia Woolf’s groundbreaking novels, and Kyrie Irving’s (potential) hall of fame career. Throughout, they focus on how we can go from seeing constraints as an obstacle to appreciating them as an asset, and then apply this principle to building more meaningful and satisfying lives. 

About our guest: David Epstein is a renowned science journalist and the best selling author of The Sports Gene and Range. His new book, Inside the Box: How Constraints Make Us Better, comes out May 5th.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Why focus on constraints?

5:21: Why constraints are good for us

13:50: Time and attention as (productive) bottlenecks

17:10: Why ‘flashes of genius’ are often exaggerated

25:02: What Virginia Woolf teaches us about constraints and creativity

29:35: How unlimited freedom undermines the scientific process

38:29 Constraints make for better sports training

40:23: Applying constraints to our work and relationships

46:02: Satisficers vs maximizers, and how to become a satisficer

48:50: Expanding our notion of constraints

55:14: Death and impermanence; the ultimate constraints

57:45: Will constraints help the Celtics win the NBA Championship?

1:05:49: Recap

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Have you ever had a friend not text you back, and you’re certain that they’re mad at you? This is often a disruption in the process of mentalization: the ability to recognize that our thoughts and feelings might not be facts. Mentalization is a process we can all struggle with, but it’s particularly important for people who have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

In this episode, Forrest is joined by psychotherapist and author Robert Drozek to discuss mentalization-based treatment (MBT) and the tools that can help us develop more flexibility and curiosity around our assumptions. Bob outlines the three common modes of mentalizing, explains how childhood experiences shape mentalization, and offers a map for building healthier ways of relating to our thoughts and feelings. 

About our Guest: Robert Drozak is a clinical social worker, the clinical director of the Mentalization-Based Treatment Clinic at McLean Hospital, and a teaching associate in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. His new book, Mentalization: Utilizing Reflection to Heal from Borderline Personality Disorder, is the first book about Mentalization-Based Treatment aimed at a general audience. 

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro: what is mentalization?

5:12: Ways mentalization can go wrong

13:25: Borderline Personality Disorder as a deficit in mentalization

22:13: How mentalization is shaped in childhood

28:54: The alien self

32:23: Developing an MBT formulation

42:03: MBT in the therapy room

54:40: Challenging your beliefs and assumptions

1:11:21: How to get out of pretend mode

1:21:37: Addressing problems with interoception

1:30:00: Recap

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Why does knowing we overthink not help us stop? Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss why rumination becomes a self-reinforcing habit,  and why insight alone rarely helps. They distinguish between rumination and reflection, and talk about how balancing acceptance and agency can help us go from one to the other. Forrest talks about the relationship between overthinking and feelings of disappointment and failure, and Rick shares practical ways to interrupt the cycle, shift into more concrete forms of problem-solving, and finally stop ruminating.

Rick's Rumination Course: If rumination is a persistent issue for you, check out Rick’s five-week online course focused on practical tools for letting go of these negative thought loops. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Previous episodes on rumination and overthinking:

• Breaking the Self-Awareness Trap: How to Stop Overthinking | Being Well
  
• 
  Rumination: How to Disrupt Obsessive Thoughts

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro: what is rumination

5:35: Why we ruminate

21:06: Why rumination doesn't help us

25:24: Moving from rumination to reflection

31:35: Rumination as a habit

38:40: Interrupting the rumination habit

46:44: Radical helplessness and radical resourcefulness

53:43: More ways to move from abstract to concrete thinking 

1:07:23: The role of mindfulness

1:13:32: Recap

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In this very special episode, Dr. Jacob Ham and associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira join me to discuss their work as trauma therapists. They talk openly about the messy, unglamorous reality of struggle, mistakes, and repair that characterizes trauma work, its nature as both art and science, how their work has changed over time, and what they’ve learned along the way. Topics include self-disclosure, working with shame and grief, dealing with situations where the client wants an apology, the difference between trauma work and more manualized approaches, therapist training and supervision, and “polishing the mirror.” 

I loved listening to Dr. Ham and Elizabeth talk during this episode. It’s a truly unique one, and I hope you enjoy it. 

About our Guest: Dr. Jacob Ham is a clinical psychologist, Associate Clinical Professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, and the Director of the Center for Complex Trauma there. He's the clinician featured in Stephanie Foo’s wonderful book What My Bones Know.

Key Topics : 

0:00: Introduction and nervousness

6:21: The role of disclosure

11:34: Mistakes, rupture, and repair

23:20: Sharing grief

33:04: Supervision and parallel process 

36:29: Therapy as an art form

47:52: Structure, flexibility, and 'opening the hand'

52:50: A listener question: how to let it all go

1:02:40: How trauma work changes you

1:07:46: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the lessons we can learn from two of Humanistic psychology’s more challenging branches: existential psychology and transpersonal psychology. Existential psychology asks what it means to build a meaningful life in the face of death, while Transpersonal psychology wonders if the individual self is what we should be so focused on. Forrest and Rick focus on the work of Rollo May, Irvin Yalom, Abraham Maslow, and Stanislav Grof, and major themes include freedom, agency, anxiety, the limits of the “self,” and how confronting these can lead to a fuller and more meaningful life. 

Rick’s Self-Worth Course: Starts this week! In this 6-week online course, Rick will guide you in practical, research-backed ways to release old patterns and grow a lasting sense of confidence, kindness toward yourself, and genuine self-worth. Learn more at RickHanson.com/worthy and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro and recap of humanistic psychology

6:12: History and context of existential psychology

12:04: Three important lessons from existentialism

26:03: Agency and meaning making within existential psychology

38:38: Overview of transpersonal psychology

1:00:43: Three important lessons from transpersonal psychology

1:11:14: Closing reflections, and a one word summary

1:14:07: Recap

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Why don’t we choose the things we know are good for us? It’s usually because we’re struggling with self-regulation, one of the most important (and most misunderstood) skills out there. In today’s episode, Forrest talks with Eric Zimmer about what healthy self-regulation actually looks like,  the gap between insight and action, how shame can derail us, and why most change comes down to small steps taken consistently. They discuss how to figure out what actually matters to you vs. what you want right now, the tension between acceptance and change, and how to get back on track after a slip without making it worse.

About our Guest: Eric Zimmer is the creator of The One You Feed, an award-winning podcast with over 50 million downloads. He’s also the author of the new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro: Why is self-regulation so important?

4:32: Moving from insight to action

8:14: Values versus desires

14:25: Eric’s sobriety journey

20:57: Changing our relationship to shame

32:05: When to accept things as they are, and when to move from acceptance to change 

38:17: Choosing the more useful meaning

42:51: How to get over self-doubt

46:41: Having a backup plan for when things go sideways

53:54: Balancing striving with non-craving

1:06:16: Recap

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Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, Forrest explains the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then he and Dr. Rick explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro and overview of self-abandonment

4:38: What are we abandoning?

8:30: The self-abandonment loop

21:55: How a parts model can help us understand the shame

26:20: The double-bind of self-criticism

32:56: How to get out of the double-bind

41:34: Anger and resentment

49:47: Moving from shame to grief

56:15: Breaking the self-abandonment loop

1:10:22: Recap

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Forrest is joined by associate therapist and his fiancée Elizabeth Ferreira for an honest, personal conversation about what it's actually like to be in a relationship when one partner is living with trauma, complex PTSD, or another ongoing mental health challenge. Drawing on their experience together, they discuss supporting without enabling, avoiding power imbalances, managing resentment, dealing with moments of frustration, and the importance of reciprocity. Elizabeth has some thoughts about the DSM. Forrest shares about how Elizabeth has supported him. It’s a good one.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro and Elizabeth’s overview

5:50: How trauma shapes you

9:05: How Elizabeth found safety in her relationship with Forrest

11:12: How the relationship helped Forrest grow

15:44: Self-discovery through relationship

21:19: How to effectively support a partner with mental illness

33:42: Being ‘sturdy’

39:18: Navigating criticism

43:30: Communicating without resentment or shame

54:57: Avoiding stigma, and why Elizabeth wants to throw the DSM out the window

59:52: Not buying in to the smallest version of your partner

1:04:27: Recap

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Have you ever walked back into your parents' house and suddenly felt like you'd downloaded an old version of yourself? In today’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explain why through one of the most influential frameworks in psychology: Family Systems Theory (FST). 

FST argues that hidden rules govern the behavior of the groups we’re a part of, and when you know the rules it’s easier to see them in action. Rick and Forrest explore how systems replicate patterns of behavior, place people into specific roles, and manage anxiety through shifting alliances. They close with how we can become differentiated by building a stronger sense of self. Topics include balancing closeness and distance, triangulation, specific roles like the “golden child,” FST’s non-pathologizing stance, the intergenerational transmission of patterns, and building strong relationships outside the system.

This episode includes references to self-harm.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro

2:19: What’s Family Systems Theory?

12:01: Overview of big concepts in FST

18:50: Family roles

25:19: How anxiety moves through a family system

36:42: The “identified patient”

46:51: Balancing compassion, agency, and responsibility

51:11: How healthy differentiation can disrupt a system

57:48: How to become more differentiated

1:11:33: Recap 

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Forrest is joined by journalist and author Michael Easter to discuss how we can make our lives better by making them (the right kind of) harder. They start with one of modern life’s paradoxes: things have gotten much easier, but this hasn’t led to more happiness or fulfillment. Michael talks about how our biological wiring backfires in today’s world of abundance, why humans need a mission, and the vital experiences we’ve lost. Other topics include problem creep, how everything has become a slot machine, rucking, and the “super medium” body.

About our Guest: Michael Easter is a professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, journalist, and best-selling author of The Comfort Crisis, Scarcity Brain, and Walk with Weight. Michael is also the author of the #1 Substack in the Health & Wellness category, Two Percent.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro

2:10: How our world became engineered for comfort

7:39: Problem creep

10:49: Michael’s experience with sobriety

15:00: Abundance in today’s world: the industrial revolution, social media, and slot machines

21:17: Why we need a mission

25:31: Building resilience in a world of comfort and abundance

29:30: Personal agency vs systemic forces

38:09: The lost experience of boredom

48:19: Walking with weight

1:00:46: Getting back into nature

1:10:41: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions about the freeze state, ADHD, and power imbalances in relationships. First, they talk about how to deal with feelings of shame associated with the freeze state, emphasizing how we can “be with” in order to “work with.” Then they tackle a tricky question about how psychoeducation can complicate relationships. Next up, they discuss whether rates of ADHD have actually increased, and the differences between “real” ADHD vs. symptoms of screen addiction. Finally, they talk about how to think about the right fit with a therapist. 

Key Topics: 

0:00: Introduction

1:17: Question 1: Shame and the freeze state

19:12: Question 2: “My partner’s lack of psychoeducation is frustrating me!”

33:56: Question 3: “Why does everyone have ADHD?”

46:21: Question 4: “What’s the right amount of directness in therapy?”

56:01: Recap

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Protect your peace, set boundaries, don't let people drain your energy…there’s a lot of advice like that, and it’s easy to take it a little too far. Therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab joins Forrest to discuss the unintended consequences of the boundaries movement. 

They talk about how the helpful concept of boundaries led some toward isolation and rigid standards, and focus on healthy dependency: the reality that we all need other people. Nedra explains the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence, why your attachment style is more flexible than you think, and how the stories we tell about ourselves become self-fulfilling. Throughout, they focus on developing key aspects of healthy dependency: being able to ask for help, receive support, tolerate distance, feel comfortable in closeness, and repair after conflict. 

About our Guest: Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed therapist, relationship expert, and best-selling author with over 2 million followers on social media. Her new book is The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency and Connection Without Losing Yourself.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro: Misconceptions around boundaries

7:14: What we get wrong about codependency

11:13: The consequences of individualism

15:00: How this all relates to attachment styles

20:03: Personal narratives and self-concept

24:50: Opposite action vs. trusting your gut

27:46: Developing self-awareness around your tendencies

34:42: Navigating distance and boundaries in relationships

44:30: Showing up for friends in difficult relationships

52:50: How to be in imperfect relationships 

55:51: How to move out of the shallow zone in relationships 

1:07:20: Recap

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What is mindfulness really? According to one fourth-grader, "Not hitting someone in the mouth." Legendary meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg joins Rick and Forrest to discuss how we can work skillfully with anger, fear, and reactivity without becoming doormats or numbing ourselves out through the lens of her new children’s book Kind Karl.

They explore the protective function of anger, and how we can create more space by relating differently to our thoughts, emotions, and sense of self. Sharon shares a Buddhist lens that links anger and fear, and how looking closely at “what’s in the anger” can help us get clarity without collateral damage. Along the way, they talk about the difference between healthy moral anger and the habit of anger, how to extract the positive energy from difficult emotions without getting burned, and how lovingkindness and self-compassion can be active, strengthening forces. 

About our Guest: Sharon Salzberg is the co-founder of the Insight Meditation Society, a world-renowned teacher of mindfulness, and author or co-author of 14 books including her seminal work Lovingkindness and her first children’s book Kind Karl: A Little Crocodile with Big Feelings.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro and Sharon’s new children’s book

1:30: Rick and Sharon’s personal history

3:40: Making abstract concepts direct and simple

6:00: “Mindfulness means not hitting someone in the mouth.”

12:30: Equanimity, reactivity, and our relationship with pleasure and pain

26:48: Healthy moral anger and outrage

34:17: How mindfulness decenters the self

43:53: Decoupling identity from states of suffering

50:23: Dissolving boundaries, self protection, and loneliness

1:03:09: Recap

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Forrest and somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement and empathy before solutions). They talk about where these patterns come from, how each functions as a psychological defense, and the role of gender socialization, identity, and adaptation. The conversation also touches on trauma, nervous-system activation, and why building safety usually comes before real change.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro

3:40: “Fixing” vs. “feeling,” and why both can be protective strategies.

6:03: Socialization and learned coping styles.

9:12: Why conflict happens

14:28: Attunement, then problem-solving.

18:35: How discomfort with emotion shapes communication

30:48: What change looks like in practice.

33:49: Trauma and nervous-system activation

42:32: Helping logical-first people open up emotionally.

46:49: “Do you want empathy or solutions?”

49:03: Teaser about Complex PTSD in relationships.

52:30: Recap

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Top performance coach and author Brad Stulberg joins Forrest to reframe and reclaim excellence. Brad explains how real excellence - involved engagement with something you care about - is the healthy middle path between over-the-top hustle-culture and detached nonchalance. They discuss the current culture of pseudo-excellence, the risks and rewards of caring deeply, how modern life can derail us, and how the real prize is the person you become while trying to reach your goals. Brad shares practical tools to build the habit of excellence: clear aims, micro-milestones, consistency over intensity, constraint-based discipline, and connection.

About our Guest: Brad is a regular contributor at the New York Times, the co-host of the Excellence, Actually podcast, and on faculty at the University of Michigan’s Graduate School of Public Health. He’s also the author of a number of books, including The Way of Excellence: A Guide to True Greatness and Deep Satisfaction in a Chaotic World.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Life feels better when we’re “trying well”

1:56: What does Brad mean by excellence?

3:42: What excellence is not

5:06: Staying on the path: how to keep going when results are slow

11:56: Excellence vs. skill

21:10: The Nonchalance Epidemic

27:29: Building your “identity house”

35:29: Specific tools for excellence

44:12: Excellence vs flow

50:10: Finding the enjoyable aspects of hard things

1:01:11: Gumption

1:03:57: “See the ball go through the net”

1:05:56: How to finish a process that never ends

1:13:22: Recap

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Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how well-intentioned self-help advice can drift away from science under the incentives of the attention economy, where overclaiming, alarmist framing, and “this one simple trick” outperforms nuance. They talk about how authority gets manufactured, how the algorithm encourages overclaiming, and how “theories of everything” lead to misinformation. Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss whether seemingly harmless pseudoscientific practices can create a slippery slope, lowering the importance of material evidence and acting as an on-ramp to more consequential misinformation.

Key Topics: 

0:00 Introduction

2:00 The attention economy

9:00 The problems with clickbait

18:30: The risks of sprawling expertise

25:15: Modality capture: when all you have is a hammer

27:15: ADHD and trauma

39:24: If science changes, what can we trust?

42:30: How “fringe” can become mainstream

50:10: How do you decide who to trust?

1:06:00: The slippery slope of “woo”

1:11:35: What’s a better alternative?

1:21:11: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can put our key values into action in 2026. They discuss how we can identify authentic values, and then translate them into goals and daily behaviors while reducing our focus on outcomes we don’t control. Forrest focuses on insights from Self-Determination Theory, and Dr. Rick shares how to create a warmer inner climate, and they talk about the overall importance of self-belief. The episode includes a number of practical tools related to environment design, scheduling, social accountability, and how to overcome obstacles.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Introduction

2:00: What values are you focusing on this year?

8:50: Turning your values into plans

16:00: Motivation is “context dependent”

22:10: Claiming autonomy in an imperfect world

34:20: Turning ideas into specific behaviors

41:15: Updating self-concept

51:00: How to deal with normal obstacles

1:00:34: Recap

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In this New Year’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest make the case that most resolutions fail because they focus on the wrong things: outcomes and behaviors rather than key values. They explore how we can identify our important values, embrace caring about them, and start to let them change our behavior. Forrest talks about how we can differentiate authentic values from “conditions of worth,” and Dr. Rick shares a number of ways to get more in touch with what matters to you. Topics include translating “shoulds” into values, experiencing more autonomy and agency, creating personal narratives, and finding your “stance toward the year.”

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro: values, self-concept, and levels of action

7:22: Living from states of having, doing, and being

13:09: Stances toward life based in threat versus opportunity; what are you paying attention to?

20:18: Examining “shoulds” to find and define your authentic values 

33:30: Emulating the people you admire and respect most

41:55: Strategies to identify your root values 

54:05: Recap

Rick's Goals Course: If you want to get more out of the year ahead check out Rick’s online course on resolutions that last. Learn more at RickHanson.com/goals, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

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Not caring - or nonchalance - is having a cultural moment. Nihilism is in, trying too hard is cringe, and the best way to cope with an often disappointing world is by not getting that invested. There’s just one problem: it’s hard to live a meaningful life without caring. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick close 2025 by making the case for healthy caring: choosing objects of care wisely, prioritizing process over outcome, and cultivating equanimity without slipping into apathy. They do this by exploring four common obstacles that keep people from caring, sharing practical ways to work with each of them.

Key Topics: 

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

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Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

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Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about resentment, highly sensitive people, situationships, and expanding the window of tolerance. In the first three questions, they explore how resentment shows up across different relationships, including with coworkers, family members, and romantic partners. They discuss when to speak up, when to let go, and the underrated options in between. They then talk about agency, self awareness, and the expectations of others through two questions about highly sensitive people and building tolerance for discomfort. They close with a surprise bonus question for Forrest from Dr. Rick.

Key Topics: 

3:51: Question 1: When should I address resentment with coworkers?

15:46: Question 2: How to deal with resentful family members?

24:26: Question 3: Is my jealousy and resentment post-situationship valid?

34:23: Question 4: What are appropriate requests as a Highly Sensitive Person?

50:30: Question 5: How can I build the capacity to embrace discomfort?

56:14: BONUS BIRTHDAY QUESTION from Dr. Rick

1:00:00: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

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Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore one of the major topics in psychology today: the tension between "mainstream" and "alternative" approaches, and how to understand evidence-based care. Using the recent IFS controversy as a backdrop, they discuss what it means for an approach to be evidence-based, the real-world dangers of inflated claims, and therapy’s complex relationship with the medical model. They get into the weeds on study design, effect sizes, insurance, why different approaches may or may not have a large body of evidence, and how to think about the research on “common factors” in therapy. Dr. Rick and Forrest offer a simple framework for making good decisions amidst all of this complexity.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Introduction: the IFS article

7:27: Psychotherapy as medicine vs. personal growth practices

15:31: “Don’t know” mind versus “durrr who knows?” mind

19:50: What counts as evidence?

29:58: What does it mean for a therapy to be evidence-based?

42:38: How do we know therapy works?

53:45: Getting on your own team

59:07: Complexities with the medical model

1:10:24: How insurance and the healthcare system complicate the picture

1:18:27: Dr. Rick’s top two takeaways

1:29:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

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Forrest is joined by psychiatrist Dr. Blaise Aguirre to discuss Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). They explore how extreme emotional sensitivity can lead to despair, self-hatred, suicidality, and an intense fear of abandonment, and how DBT can teach the skills needed to regulate those feelings. They discuss the nature of self-hatred, how to change the stories you’ve told about yourself, and how their insight and empathy can make people with BPD some of his favorite clients to work with.

About our Guest: Dr. Blaise Aguirre is the medical director of 3East at McLean Hospital, a residential DBT program for adolescents and young adults, and is an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He’s also the co-author of a number of books including DBT for Dummies, and the author of I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Loathing and Realize Why You're Wrong About You.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Introduction

4:05: Common features of BPD

15:16: Skill-building versus narrative work in therapy

22:10: What DBT looks like in practice

27:02: DBT skills: mindfulness, dialectic thinking, and opposite action

33:43: How to shift self-hatred

49:22: Stigmatization of BPD

53:25: BPD versus CPTSD

58:52: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

If you are exploring whether you might be neurodivergent, check out Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson. 

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore toxic relationships, focusing on how to identify and exit them. Rick talks about how positive traits like empathy, loyalty, and a sense of duty can keep us stuck. They then discuss common relationship red flags like lovebombing, cycles of idealization and devaluation, power imbalances, and what Forrest calls “the fuzz.” Finally, they talk about how people can increase their chances of a healthy exit. Other topics include developing self-trust, trauma-bonding, shame, and avoiding the cycle of “maybe next time they’ll…”

Key Topics: 

0:00: Introduction

3:05: Why do good people stay in bad relationships?

10:02: Relationship red flags: the dark triad, devaluation, lovebombing, and the fuzz

24:17: How this shows up in Dr. Rick’s practice

39:48: How to get out: building self-trust, increasing your options, and duty to yourself

1:12:33: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

If you are exploring whether you might be neurodivergent, check out Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson. 

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Dr. Becky Kennedy joins Forrest for a conversation about building better relationships, with ourselves, our partners, and our children. They talk about Dr. Becky’s framework of “good inside,” and how we can apply it to ourselves. Dr. Becky explains how many of the struggles parents face trace back to their own childhood experiences, and suggests how we can reparent ourselves by learning emotional regulation, working with shame, and becoming sturdier. They also cover the limits of behavioral control models, deeply feeling kids, maintaining boundaries when things get hard, and building connection capital.

About our Guest: Dr. Becky is a clinical psychologist, founder of Good Inside, and author of the book by the same name. She has over 4 million social media followers, and is one of the most influential people in the world of parenting today.

Key Topics: 

0:00: Intro

1:51: Self-development and individual agency in parenting

7:37: Dr. Becky’s process for addressing problematic behaviors

12:48: Parenting as an opportunity for personal growth

16:26: Becoming “sturdy”

19:13: Two jobs of a parent: boundaries and empathy

28:29: Reparenting ourselves

38:40: Shame and deeply feeling kids

44:39: Building connection capital

50:06: Resilience over happiness

57:28: Does parenting content increase parental anxiety? 

1:02:30: How to grow as a parent without shame or self-blame

1:07:06: Repair in relationships

1:13:27: Gentle parenting vs sturdy parenting

1:18:33: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

If you are exploring whether you might be neurodivergent, check out Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson. 

Skylight is offering our listeners $20 off their 10 inch Skylight Frame by going to myskylight.com/BEINGWELL.

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Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about effective communication, healthy relationships, and contentment. They explore how defining boundaries, taking maximum reasonable responsibility, and extending an olive branch can help manage ongoing conflict without sacrificing your own needs. They then discuss the power dynamics, ethics, and practicalities of non-monogamy, emphasizing the importance of fairly balancing the rights and needs of everyone involved. Finally, they explore how to cultivate the habit of contentment, even amidst imperfect circumstances. 

Key Topics: 

0:00: Introduction

3:36: Question 1: “We had an argument and now they’re being mean to me!”

14:18: Question 2: “I set a boundary, and they’re being really passive aggressive”

27:32: Question 3: “My partner wants a non-monogamous relationship. What now?”

48:14: Question 4: “I can’t find contentment anywhere, help!”

1:03:51: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

If you are exploring whether you might be neurodivergent, check out Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson. 

Skylight is offering our listeners $20 off their 10 inch Skylight Frame by going to myskylight.com/BEINGWELL.

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In this very fun episode, Forrest and Elizabeth discuss how to get on the same team in a relationship. They explore how conditions of worth, masking, and developmental trauma can get in the way of showing up authentically, and how falling into common relationship roles can reinforce this. Elizabeth talks about how healthy anger can actually be a productive force in a relationship, and how relationships change when both members start prioritizing the other’s wants and needs. Other topics include “dating yourself,” embracing the slightly weirder version of who you are, and celebrating self-exploration.

Key Topics: 

1:48: Getting on the same team 

3:34: “Conditions of worth,” and authenticity

16:13: Vulnerability in relationships

25:38: Wielding anger effectively

38:05: Fairness, and honoring your partner’s needs

42:49: Dating yourself

47:35: Celebrating self exploration

53:57: Changing our relationship with our parts

01:04:30: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

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Listen to ⁠Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health⁠ wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

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If you are exploring whether you might be neurodivergent, check out ⁠Hyperfocus with Rae Jacobson.⁠ 

Skylight is offering our listeners $20 off their 10 inch Skylight Frame by going to ⁠myskylight.com/BEINGWELL⁠.

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Today we’re featuring an episode from another show I think you’re really going to connect with: Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health.

Can a meaningful friendship bridge a 51-year age gap and help combat social isolation? Meet Peter and Pooja; two unlikely companions whose intergenerational bond proves that friendships can flourish when we break down barriers and embrace human connection.

In this episode of Turning Points, explore how Peter and Pooja’s weekly conversations through Boston's FriendshipWorks program evolved from a simple volunteer match into a life-changing friendship filled with book launches, grocery runs, and life advice that flows both ways.

We also speak with Kyle Robidoux, Executive Director of FriendshipWorks. He shares insights on addressing social isolation and loneliness and how community-based friendship programs are strengthening social connections.

Peter and Pooja's transformative friendship shows that when we approach relationships without preconceived notions, we can unlock the healing power of human connection. Their story offers hope and practical wisdom for anyone struggling with loneliness or seeking to build deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Check out Turning Points: http://globe.com/truningpoints

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Today we’re revisiting some of our favorite episodes to explore one of the most salient topics in psychology today: trauma. We begin by tracing its developmental roots with Dr. Lindsay Gibson and Dr. Bessel van Der Kolk, before looking at how it can be passed down through family systems with Dr. Mariel Buqué, associate somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira, and author Stephanie Foo. Dr. Jacob Ham and Dr. Peter Levine then share new perspectives on healing, emphasizing the importance of getting out of the head and into the body. Finally, Dr. Gabor Maté discusses the cultural context of trauma, arguing that it's a symptom of a toxic culture.

Key Topics: 

02:15: Dr. Lindsay Gibson on The Last Impact of Inconsistent Parenting and Lack of Attunement

23:16: Dr. Bessel van Der Kolk on Internalizing Abuse

39:34: Dr. Mariel Buqué on Intergenerational Trauma

58:54: Elizabeth Ferreira on Intergenerational Trauma, Complex PTSD, and Somatic Techniques

1:23:23: Stephanie Foo on Healing from Complex PTSD through Relationships

1:47:15: Dr. Jacob Ham on the Limits of Conceptualizing when treating Complex Trauma

2:06:52: Dr. Peter Levine on Somatic Experiencing and Moving Trauma Through Your Body

2:20:55: Dr. Gabor Maté and our Toxic Culture

2:43:55: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode. 

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

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Forrest is joined by one of the world’s top executive coaches, Joe Hudson, for a conversation focused on how we can reduce self-punishment and live more fulfilling lives by welcoming our emotions and loosening identification with the critical mind. They discuss Joe’s “The Golden Algorithm” - our tendency to recreate the emotions we try to avoid - and explore the three pillars of emotional fluidity, cognitive clarity, and nervous system awareness. Joe emphasizes how good change usually comes from reconnecting with who we already are, and welcoming fear, pleasure, and imperfection along the way.

Really enjoyed this one, I hope you do too!

About our Guest: Joe Hudson is the founder of the Art of Accomplishment, and is one of the most sought-after teachers among the world’s top leaders at OpenAI, Alphabet, Apple, and more. He coaches a small group of executives by invitation only, and has collaborated with teachers like Esther Perel, Bessel van der Kolk, Patty Wipfler, and Tiago Forte.

Key Topics:

1:14: The Three Pillars: Emotion, Cognition, Nervous System

8:29: Self-improvement as an act of authenticity

15:44: Deconstructing our thoughts

23:19: The golden algorithm, repression, and why we recreate our pain

31:31: Working with the nervous system

34:11: Shame

43:14: Emotions as windows into wants and needs

49:45: Perfectionism

55:27: Enjoying life

1:08:07: Recap

Learn more about Joe's work: 

• Complimentary transformation guide: https://www.artofaccomplishment.com/ 

• Art of Accomplishment YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ArtofAccomplishment

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

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If you have ADHD, or you love someone who does, I’d recommend checking out the podcast ADHD aha!

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Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss how we can regulate our emotions by feeling, managing, and processing them more effectively. They begin by unpacking common misconceptions and clarifying what healthy regulation looks like - feeling our feelings without being overwhelmed by them. From there, they walk through the three key steps of emotional regulation, focusing on practical tools like cognitive defusion and opposite action.  Topics include interoception, the window of tolerance, cognitive bypassing, suppression/repression, and finding a balance between acceptance and agency.

Key Topics:

1:59: What Does Emotional Regulation Look Like?

6:08: The Three Aspects of Emotional Regulation

12:35: Step 1: Feeling Your Feelings

27:20: Step 2: Managing Your Feelings

58:50: Step 3: Processing (and maybe expressing) Your Feelings

1:10:10: Recap

Rick’s Course on Grief and Loss: Join Rick for his new, four-week long online program where you’ll soothe emotional pain, find perspective and meaning, and hold whatever happened with acceptance and compassion. Learn more at RickHanson.com/loss and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

If you have ADHD, or you love someone who does, I’d recommend checking out the podcast ADHD aha!

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

Feel good...and mean it when you say it! Get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60

Listen now to the Life Kit podcast from NPR.

Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

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Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer listener questions about trauma and its impact on personality, boundaries, anger, and burnout. They discuss how to distinguish the authentic self from the patterns we needed to learn to survive, how to balance duty to self with duty to others, and how to work with explosive anger by first joining with it. Finally, they discuss the importance of moving from empathic distress to compassion in order to prevent caregiver fatigue. Topics include cognitive defusion, taking a bird’s eye view, filling your own cup, and being with your feelings without judging them.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

01:30: Question 1: Trauma or Personality?

07:53: Question 2: Managing Boundaries with a Depressed Partner

28:32: Question 3: Dealing with Explosive Anger

37:45: Question 4: How to Prevent Caregiver Fatigue

47:16: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

If you have ADHD, or you love someone who does, I’d recommend checking out the podcast ADHD aha!

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

Listen now to the Life Kit podcast from NPR.

Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the silent killer of relationships: resentment. They discuss resentment as a combination of perceived grievance (“I was wronged”) and helplessness (“and I can’t fix it”), before talking about how over-functioning and control tendencies can lead to resentment in relationships - one person shoulders more of the load while quietly stewing about it. Topics include the role of rumination in keeping resentment alive, the difference between legitimate grievances and toxic rumination, and why resentment can feel protective. Rick shares a step-by-step framework for handling resentment when repair isn’t possible, while Forrest highlights how communication and claiming agency can be powerful antidotes.

Key Topics:

00:00: Intro

04:14: Legitimate grievances vs. unhealthy resentment

09:44: How perceptions of injustice and helplessness fuel resentment

20:04: Claiming your agency

34:41: How to work through resentment with others

50:11: How to work through resentment when you can’t work through it with others

1:02:51: Recap Grief and Loss Course: In this four-week online program Rick will help you soothe emotional pain, find perspective and meaning, and hold whatever happened with acceptance and compassion. Learn more at RickHanson.com/loss and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

If you have ADHD, or you love someone who does, I’d recommend checking out the podcast ADHD aha!

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

Join hundreds of thousands of people who are taking charge of their health. Learn more and join Function at functionhealth.com/BEINGWELL.

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore humanistic psychology, the mid-20th century movement that redefined how therapists relate to clients. It challenged the pessimism of Freud and the mechanism of behaviorism, offering a more hopeful alternative: that our nature is fundamentally good, and our job is to let it shine through. They discuss Carl Rogers’ work, including self-actualization, conditions of worth, unconditional positive regard, trusting your experience, and the central role of the therapeutic alliance. Throughout, they focus on what you can take from these ideas into your life.

Key Topics: 

00:00: Intro

03:40: Humanism as a response to psychoanalysis

09:53: Humanism’s core principles: inherent goodness, wholism, self-actualization, agency, and subjective experience

21:35: What does humanistic therapy actually look like?

32:46: Congruence, conditions of worth, and authenticity

40:54: History and context: post-WWII and the civil rights movement

56:09: Critiques of humanism

1:02:40: Lessons we can all take from humanistic psychology

1:13:41: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

If you have ADHD, or you love someone who does, I’d recommend checking out the podcast ADHD aha!

Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.

Join hundreds of thousands of people who are taking charge of their health. Learn more and join Function at functionhealth.com/BEINGWELL.

Listen now to the Life Kit podcast from NPR.

Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

AI chatbots may already be the largest providers of mental health services in the United States, raising big questions about safety, effectiveness, and oversight. Dr. Rick and Forrest are joined by Dr. Nick Jacobson to explore the risks and opportunities of AI therapy: Can a chatbot be good at therapy? Will it replace human therapists? What about AI psychosis? How should we think about privacy, bias, and regulation? Is this a silver bullet for mental health access, or are we just opening a new can of worms?

About our Guest: Nick is associate professor of biomedical data science, psychiatry, and computer science at Dartmouth, and directs the AI and Mental Health Laboratory there. He’s also the developer of Therabot, a generative AI therapy chatbot that predates ChatGPT, and he’s one of the first researchers to run a clinical trial on AI therapy.

Key Topics:

02:35: Is AI going to replace human therapists?

05:00: Risks of using ChatGPT as your therapist, and general vs. therapy-specific AI

14:30: What should people be worried about?

19:14: Is AI good at therapy?

29:58: Bias, values, and “who’s watching the watchers”

39:17: Is there something unique about a human therapist?

52:21: Oversight and the self-driving car analogy

1:00:51: Personhood, consciousness, and risks of anthropomorphizing AI

1:11:00: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to use a life crisis productively, drawing on developmental stage theories, existential philosophy, literature, personal experience, and Rick’s clinical work. They examine the anxieties of death, freedom, responsibility, and choice that often underlie these crises, and discuss how we can not only cope with these anxieties but also harness them to build a more authentic life. Throughout, they simplify, summarize, and invite you to focus on not just the next 10 years, but the next 10 minutes.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

5:26: Life Stages: Erickson and Levinson

15:34: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Discontent

17:18: Inner Conflict and the Anxiety of Choice

24:18: Guidelines for Having a “Good Life Crisis”

29:36: Seizing Each Day

33:00: Coping with the Anxiety of Choice

35:17: Authenticity, Values, and Living True to Yourself

44:17: Roles and Life Transitions

46:28: Clarifying Your Values

52:09: Taking Action

57:28: Recap

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Forrest and therapist Meg Josephson explore the fawn response, a survival strategy where safety is sought by pleasing other people. They discuss how fawning can start as self-protection in childhood, but later morph into overthinking, hypervigilance, and self-abandonment. Meg shares her own experience, including how fawning creates resentment and makes it difficult to find a healthy relationship or figure out your authentic needs. Topics include becoming aware of unconscious habits, building distress tolerance, grief, self-compassion, healthy boundaries, and speaking up for ourselves.

About our Guest: Meg Josephson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author of the new book Are You Mad at Me?

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:18: Self-sabotage as self-protection

4:01: Bringing the unconscious fawn response into awareness

9:51: Silencing wants and needs, conflict avoidance, and resentment

14:33: Rediscovering wants and needs after people pleasing

18:05: The healing arc: grief, anger, and relationship

25:30: Viewing people pleasing as a “part” rather than an identity

30:11: Nice vs. compassionate

51:36: Hypervigilance and the NICER practice

57:22: Authenticity as “uncovering” rather than “fixing”

1:03:02: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag to answer questions about complex situations where good process really matters. They discuss whether to get back with an ex who has seemingly changed, relationships with someone with addictive tendencies, the difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic tendencies, and why genuine change requires more than insight alone. Other topics include how much to tell your therapist, fears of being misunderstood, and how to approach meditation if you have an underlying vulnerability.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction 

2:00: Should I get back with my ex?

13:40: Dating someone with long-term substance use

19:30: Narcissistic traits vs. narcissistic personality disorder

32:40: How much research to bring into therapy

39:50: Fear of being misunderstood and hyper-rationality

47:40: Safe meditation practices for people at risk of depersonalization

55:50: Recap

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Forrest and therapist Brandy Wyant discuss limerence, an intense and often one-sided state of romantic obsession. They explore how limerence differs from both love and ordinary crushes, why uncertainty fuels it, and how it can take over a person’s inner world. Brandy shares both clinical insights and her own lived experience, describing the obsessive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, and shame that often accompany limerence. They examine its overlap with OCD and addiction, and discuss practical strategies from CBT and ACT.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:00: What is limerence?

5:26: Limerence vs. a crush

11:28: Why research and treatment lag behind

13:38: Treatment approaches and practical strategies

24:47: Attachment, susceptibility, and shame

29:05: How limerence shapes relationships

38:12: Online communities and reinforcing obsession

49:18: Self-worth and validation

53:41: Recap

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Dr. Rick and Forrest are joined by Mingyur Rinpoche, a renowned Tibetan Buddhist teacher, to explore calming anxiety with awareness, relaxing unhealthy wanting, and finding a deeper sense of our innate goodness. Rinpoche shares how a near-death experience during his four-year “wandering retreat” transformed his relationship to fear and deepened his gratitude for life. They discuss practical ways to see the true nature of the mind, soften the grip of aversion and attachment, reframe fear as care, and embrace impermanence as a path to freedom.

Learn more about Rinpoche's live teaching in South Africa and join for free online at https://tergar.org/southafrica.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

3:33: How a near-death experience dissolved Rinpoche’s fear

7:06: Learning not to fight panic attacks

10:25: Seeing anxiety as clouds in the sky

14:18: Awareness, wisdom, and love as innate qualities

18:39: Recognizing basic goodness even in self-hatred

25:28: Courage to be with doubt and uncertainty

27:51: “Anytime, anywhere” meditation practice

33:57: Awareness and emptiness as inseparable

46:49: Letting old selves die and embracing change

52:41: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the evolution of psychoanalysis after Freud, highlighting key ideas from figures like Adler, Klein, Winnicott, and Hillman. They track how the field expanded from focusing on the individual ego all the way out to exploring the existential forces that shape who we are. They focus on what lessons we can take away from each of these influential thinkers into our everyday lives. Topics include inferiority complexes, defense mechanisms, object relations, authentic vs. false self, developmental psychology, adaptation, and our confrontation with life's ultimate concerns like death and meaninglessness.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

4:20: Alfred Adler: Inferiority, contribution, and healthy striving

14:05: Anna Freud: Ego defenses and real-time coping

20:09: Erik Erikson: Lifespan development and identity crises

33:20: Melanie Klein: Object relations, splitting, and managing complexity

46:46: Donald Winnicott: True self, good-enough parenting, and holding environments

51:09: Heinz Kohut: Self-psychology, mirroring, and healthy narcissism

1:02:32: Wilhelm Reich: Somatic therapy and character armor

1:08:25: Neo-Jungians: Archetypes, imagination, and symbolic mind

1:18:18: Irvin Yalom: Existential psychotherapy and meaning-making

1:26:50: Recap 

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Forrest and associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira talk about healthy (and unhealthy) anger. They challenge the common framing of anger as a “secondary emotion,” and explore why anger matters, how it relates to trauma, and what it can tell us about our wants and needs. They discuss how to access healthy protest and work with less healthy forms of anger like explosive rage, repression, defensiveness, passive aggression, and righteousness. Elizabeth shares insights from both her personal experience as someone with CPTSD and her clinical practice.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction: Why anger matters, and why it’s misunderstood

3:32: How trauma shapes our relationship to anger

5:40: Bypassing anger in therapy

9:04: What happens when anger is suppressed

12:29: Reclaiming anger: submit, explode, or something else

15:45: Anger as a signal of wants and needs

16:20: Boundaries, protest, and complex trauma

25:01: When CPTSD makes it hard to know what you want

30:06: Dissociation, structural trauma, and accessing anger

35:04: Why we need others to co-regulate big emotions

43:20: Emotional responsibility, self-awareness, and repair

53:26: Reconnecting with wants and needs through play

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Sponsors

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the ideas, context, and legacy of psychoanalysis, the often-controversial origin point for modern therapy. They discuss psychoanalysis’ early history and key concepts like the unconscious mind, repression, inner conflict, and transference. Alongside those major contributions, they wrestle with what hasn’t aged so well: the reductionism, murky ethics, and deep entanglements with colonialism and the Victorian worldview. This episode is both a tribute to and a critique of psychoanalysis as a rich, flawed, and deeply influential starting point for modern therapy.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction: Why do this episode?

3:40: Appreciating historical and cultural context in therapy

7:15: What is psychoanalysis?

10:35: Freud’s key insight, and the five “big ideas” of psychoanalysis

18:00: The structure of the mind

24:00: Repression, catharsis, and “experiencing out”

27:35: Transference, countertransference, and defenses

29:10: Freud’s psychosexual theory and its legacy

32:55: What psychoanalysis looks like in practice today

41:05: Historical origins: Freud, hysteria, and the “talking cure”

46:45: Freud’s philosophical influences and colonial context

52:00: The moral and political implications of psychoanalytic theory

58:10: Freud’s personal contradictions and complicated legacy

1:07:50: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, [follow this link](https://www.patreon.com/beingwellpodcast)

Sponsors

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Forrest and Dr. Rick discuss what's really wrong with the self-help industry, going beyond the obvious pseudoscience and snake oil to examine deeper structural issues. They explore the industry's mixed-bag focus on individual responsibility, the risks of turning healing into a never-ending project, performative personal growth, narcissism, social media and capitalism, and honest striving vs. hustle culture. They also talk about their personal experiences navigating our relationship to the industry. Throughout, Rick and Forrest emphasize finding the middle path: balancing agency with awareness, growth with acceptance, and sincerity with skepticism.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

4:32: Healthy striving vs. obsessive self-improvement

8:27: The role of motivation: growth, shame, and self-worth

12:13: Problems with placing all responsibility on the individual

20:46: Performative self-help and spiritual status-seeking

26:13: Excessive self-preoccupation and narcissistic drift

34:34: Buddhist insights on “selfing” and the illusion of identity

44:43: Self-help as hustle culture

50:57: The generational shift from grindset to bed rotting

54:09: The self-help industrial complex and its incentives

58:56: Commodifying the self and seeking validation

1:04:18: Creating ethical, transparent content

1:08:12: Recap

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Sponsors

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Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions about perfectionism, performance anxiety, trauma, and relationships. They explore how early praise for being “gifted” can create a fear of failure and contribute to “failure to launch,” and share ways to shift from focusing on an idealized future to appreciating your actual self right now. They discuss learned helplessness, the freeze response, and practical ways to build agency and vitality to counter feelings of powerlessness. Other topics include the differences between borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, overcoming performance anxiety, and how to decide which friendships are worth investing in.

Key Topics:

02:30: Gifted kid syndrome and fear of failure
08:00: Moving from potential to presence
15:50: Performance anxiety and perfectionism
18:50: Redefining success through process goals
22:30: Learned helplessness and the freeze response
29:30: Reclaiming agency and vitality
38:00: Failure to launch in adulthood
45:00: BPD vs. Bipolar disorder
55:00: Rethinking modern friendship advice
1:03:34: Recap

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Sponsors

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Forrest is joined by associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira to discuss parts work, psychological defenses, and how real change happens. They talk about the inner child work Forrest recently did during an episode with renowned therapist Terry Real, and how that led to meaningful changes in their relationship. Elizabeth and Forrest unpack the therapeutic process Terry led Forrest through, and discuss clinical technique, why small shifts can lead to big changes, the challenges of working with developmentally young material, and why insight alone is rarely enough.

The episode with Terry we refer to throughout this conversation is titled “Terry Real: Relationships, Trauma, and Inner Child Work.” Here’s the Spotify link. 

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:40: Elizabeth’s reaction to Forrest’s work with Terry

5:05: Avoidance vs. anxiety

7:21: Unpacking Terry Real’s therapeutic approach

14:37: Avoiding through “fixing”

20:54: What’s changed since then?

31:00: Elizabeth’s experience with inner child work

42:32: How does real change happen?

51:54: “You can’t make your partner change.”

55:15: Recap

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Life today is safer and more comfortable than ever before, so why do so many people feel unhappy, lonely, and anxious? Forrest talks with evolutionary psychologist Dr. William von Hippel about this paradox in light of our two core needs: autonomy and connection. He argues that modern life has pushed us too far in the direction of autonomy, and that we need to reclaim connection in order to find happiness. 

They discuss how our evolutionary past shaped our needs for autonomy and connection, the tension between them, and why social connection matters so much for our well-being. They also touch on gender and cultural differences, common misunderstandings about evolutionary psychology, and what people can do to create more balanced and connected lives today.

About our Guest: Dr. William von Hippel is an evolutionary psychologist and former professor at the University of Queensland. He has authored over 150 scientific publications including his books The Social Leap and The Social Paradox.

Key Topics:

0:00: Why hasn’t modern life made us happier?

3:20: The evolution of autonomy and connection

10:15: How modern life favors autonomy over connection

18:10: “Sad success stories,” and the cost of competence

20:00: Competence vs warmth as social signals

26:00: Evolutionary mismatch, and its impact on well-being

29:00: How to understand evolutionary psychology

34:00: Evolved gender differences in autonomy and connection

42:00: Balancing sociocultural and evolutionary differences

49:00: What do those gender differences look like in practice?

55:50: Finding a healthy balance between autonomy and connection

1:08:55: Recap

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Forrest is joined by renowned therapist Terry Real and his son Justin for a frank exploration of modern masculinity. They talk about why so many men feel like they’re struggling these days, and how the traditional model of masculinity perpetuates this problem.

They discuss the appeal of red pill cultures, the cultural pushback against gender equality, and how to convince men that the answer is not more dominance but more connection. Other topics include emotional intelligence, creating fulfilling relationships, and how men can claim a healthier understanding of strength.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:50: Terry on patriarchy and male disconnection

7:56: Justin on being raised in an emotionally aware environment

11:34: The problem of male invulnerability

14:35: What do women actually want?

18:10: Strength, relationality, and loving power

27:50: Common patterns in therapy

35:20: The performance of masculinity

49:01: Parenting, gender literacy, and fatherhood

52:10: Selling this to men, and the need for new models

59:48: Recap

Rick’s Change Your Mind Course: Learn how to break old scripts, get some space around self-doubting thoughts, and act in a new way. Six-week course starts June 21, learn more about it at RickHanson.com/changing. Use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive 25% off.

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We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we do it and how to stop.

They talk about how self-sabotage often serves as a form of psychological self-protection, and why doing well can feel like a threat to our identity, before discussing avoidance coping, the conflict between aspects of who we are, and why we stay safe rather than stepping forward. Along the way, they offer practical strategies for updating outdated internal models, working with different parts of ourselves, and building the inner resources that make real change possible.

Change Your Mind with Rick: Learn how to break old patterns and change the thoughts that keep you stuck with Rick’s six-week online course on the science of changing your mind. Learn more at RickHanson.com/changing and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:05: What is self-sabotage, really?

6:10: Why self-sabotage is often a form of protection

10:20: Avoidance coping and the logic of “safe failure”

14:40: The identity cost of doing well

18:55: Internal conflict and the parts model

26:15: Challenge vs. threat: how the brain evaluates risk

32:05: Real-life examples of self-sabotage

37:30: How to begin working with self-sabotaging parts

45:45: Working with self-destructive parts

51:10: Creating safer conditions for growth

57:25: Building a feedback loop that reinforces trust

1:02:40: Recap and additional take-aways

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