Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

What gets in the way of truly intimate, healthy relationships…and what can we do about it? In this moving episode, Forrest is joined by renowned couples therapist Terry Real to explore how we can build deeper, more meaningful connections.

They unpack key concepts from Relational Life Therapy, including the shift from “me” to “us,” the difference between the adaptive child and wise adult, and how to stay grounded during conflict through relational mindfulness. Terry explains how individualism and patriarchal conditioning fuel disconnection, and how therapy can help couples move from power struggles to true collaboration. A highlight of the episode is a live experiential process, where Terry guides Forrest through some inner child work.

About our Guest: Terry Real is a family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author known for his groundbreaking work on men, masculinity, and relationships. He is the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and the author of several books including The New Rules of Marriage and Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction 

1:34: Systemic thinking in therapy, and the cultural forces that shape relationships

9:00: RLT and confrontation in therapy

12:58: The Adaptive Child, Wise Adult, and how internal parts shape how we relate

17:13: Relational mindfulness, and moving from 'me' to 'us'

27:12: Fierce intimacy: why telling the truth is more loving than being “nice”

30:16: Psychological patriarchy, and how it ruins our relationships

43:28: Experiential process: Terry guides Forrest through inner child work

54:07: How patriarchal norms distort emotional connection for men

1:06:24: Recap

Rick’s Change Your Mind Course: Learn how to break old scripts, get some space around self-doubting thoughts, and act in a new way. Six-week course starts June 21, learn more about it at RickHanson.com/changing. Use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive 25% off.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

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Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

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Forrest is joined by therapist Kimberley Quinlan to explore one of the most misunderstood anxiety disorders: obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Drawing from her clinical and personal experience, Kimberley breaks down what OCD is, how it differs from general anxiety, and the ways it’s often mischaracterized.

They discuss the core features of obsessions and compulsions, and how these can manifest across a wide range of themes, including harm, contamination, morality, and relationships. Kimberley explains how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) works, what makes an exposure “good,” and how to build tolerance for distress rather than trying to eliminate it. They also touch on self-compassion, the role of medication, and the stigmas that can keep people from getting help.

About our Guest: Kimberley Quinlan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, host of the popular Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast, and the founder of CBTschool.com.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:19: Kimberley’s personal experience with OCD

3:36: What is OCD? Obsessions vs. compulsions

8:18: The relationship between trauma (PTSD) and OCD in Kimberley’s experience

11:12: ERP and approaches to treatment

17:14: Differences between clinical ERP and informal exposure practices

24:30: Imaginal exposures for fears that can’t be physically enacted

28:52: Resourcing for exposure

30:26: What if exposure goes poorly? 

34:38: Role of self-compassion in OCD treatment

37:02: Considering medication: benefits, stigma, and SSRIs

42:52: Unhooking from intrusive thoughts: ACT, mindfulness, DBT

53:59: “How can I make this my bravest day?”

57:45: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

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Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

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In this very fun episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest open the mailbag and answer questions from listeners about people pleasing, the potential (and pitfalls) of using AI as a therapist, and what to do when you develop strong feelings for your therapist. They discuss existential themes like aloneness and agency, whether Gandalf would have made a good therapist, and close with some heartfelt thoughts about what supports a long and loving relationship.

Rick’s Attachment Course: Rick is offering a 5-week course on healing insecure attachment that helps people work through attachment issues and improve their relationships. All the sessions are up now, and there's a live Q&A event on May 27, 2025 at 12pm PT via Zoom. You can learn more at RickHanson.com/attachment and get 25% off with coupon code BeingWell25.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and Opening Banter

2:50: Question 1: People-Pleasing vs. Prosocial Advice for Depression

6:10: Follow-Up: Do We Train Others to Ignore Our Needs?

11:20: Creating Reciprocal Relationships

12:23: Question 2: AI as a Therapist

31:16: Question 3: Sexual Transference in Therapy

39:56: Question 4: Is Remembering That We’re ‘Ultimately Alone’ Helpful?

56:55: Question 5: What’s the Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage?

1:07:13: Wrap-Up and Final Thoughts

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore disorganized, or “fearful,” attachment. This complex style occurs when emotional intimacy and distance both feel uncomfortable, and typically arises based on difficult life experiences. They unpack why this attachment pattern forms, what it feels like on the inside, and how it can change over time. Dr. Rick explains how to break the Catch-22 of disorganized attachment, and how fully embracing and expressing your needs can be the key to finding stability. Topics include hypersensitivity, repression, experiencing out, self-regulation, and why "boring" relationships can be transformative.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:20: How attachment theory developed, and how it has evolved

11:20: How attachment styles shift based on life experience

15:25: Social environment and internal reliability

23:55: The catch 22 of healing disorganized attachment

29:35: Leveraging coping mechanisms for healing

32:20: Hypersensitivity and embracing your need for attunement

39:50: Repression, and experiencing out

45:45: Recognizing what’s true, and how reality is reliable

48:25: Caring for the body, and innate self-love

53:45: Unique therapeutic approaches to disorganized attachment styles

55:25: Embracing what you really want, and creating a coherent narrative

58:40: Bottom-up self-regulation, self-trust, and internalizing positive feedback

1:04:20: When stable relationships are “boring”

1:06:55: Self-respect and freedom in communication

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes

• Follow Forrest on YouTube

• Follow us on Instagram

• Follow Forrest on Instagram

• Follow Rick on Facebook

• Follow Forrest on Facebook

• Visit Forrest's website

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Forrest is joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Scott Eilers to explore how he both treats and lives with chronic depression. They discuss anhedonia, the catch-22 of treatment resistance, how to build new practices when it’s the last thing you want to do, acceptance, and how a values-based approach can help someone move forward even when they’re feeling stuck. The conversation touches on some of the existential aspects of depression, the therapeutic relationship, and finding some humor along the way.

About Our Guest: Dr. Scott Eilers is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and mental health coach specializing in severe, treatment-resistant mood and anxiety disorders. He is the author of For When Everything Is Burning and hosts the podcast The Psychology of Depression and Anxiety.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:25: Scott’s personal experience of depression

5:45: Distinguishing sadness from depression, and depression vs. a depressing life

9:25: Choosing action, and emotional budgeting

19:10: Symptoms as obstacles, and when to establish new practices

24:45: Navigating emotional numbness, and creating rewarding experiences

31:30: Loneliness, and the struggle to be witnessed

37:45: Accepting how things are, and aiming for better instead of perfect

48:35: AI therapy

54:30: Finding out who you are and what you care about

59:15: Humor, sarcasm, and snarkiness

1:02:50: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. 

Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you

For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes

• Follow Forrest on YouTube

• Follow us on Instagram

• Follow Forrest on Instagram

• Follow Rick on Facebook

• Follow Forrest on Facebook

• Visit Forrest's website

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Forrest is joined by poet and author Diego Perez - better known as Yung Pueblo - for a live conversation recorded at City Arts & Lectures in San Francisco. They reunite the sensitive boys club to talk about how inner work transforms our relationships, what it means to love with an open hand, and the difference between attachment and commitment. Diego shares how his meditation practice reshaped his life and partnership, how he and his wife built a new culture of honesty together, and why real love always shows you what you need to work on.

About our Guest: Yung Pueblo is a poet, meditator, and the bestselling author of five books, including How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

4:55: Diego’s personal background, and how he came to meditation

9:25: How meditation affects your relationships

13:40: Attachment vs. commitment, and developing comfort with receiving love

20:50: The student mentality, spiritual arrogance, and ‘don’t know mind’

26:45: Preventative communication

30:40: Being in a relationship when both partners are constantly evolving

35:55: What happens on a silent retreat

40:45: How “advanced meditators” argue, and how to have a low stakes relationship check-in

47:45: Rebuilding after past hurt

54:50: Diego’s relationship with the internet, and why he goes by Yung Pueblo

59:35: RecapSupport the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes

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• Follow us on Instagram

• Follow Forrest on Instagram

• Follow Rick on Facebook

• Follow Forrest on Facebook

• Visit Forrest's website

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Can we really change our personalities? In this episode, Forrest is joined by someone who’s actually tried most of the things we talk about on the podcast: journalist and author Olga Khazan. Olga shares the personal experiments that led to her becoming more extroverted and agreeable, and less neurotic. They discuss the Big Five personality traits, how behavior shapes identity, the role of self-concept, authenticity, and some of the common challenges people face when trying to change a core aspect of who they are.

About Our Guest: Olga Khazan is a writer at The Atlantic, where she covers health, culture, and the complexities of human behavior. She's the author of Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World and her new book Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:15: Olga’s personal background with personality change

5:20: Age, extroversion, self-concept, and Olga’s improv classes

10:10: Unconditional positive regard, meditation, and mindfulness

20:55: Trying on different traits, and acceptance vs. change

24:25: Conscientiousness, openness, agreeableness, and individualism

36:20: Changing at the ‘trait level’, and the changes Olga has embraced most

43:50: Psychedelics, non-self, and identifying what’s really true

53:50: Nature vs. nurture and the aspects we can’t change

56:30: Parenting and personality change

1:02:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes

• Follow Forrest on YouTube

• Follow us on Instagram

• Follow Forrest on Instagram

• Follow Rick on Facebook

• Follow Forrest on Facebook

• Visit Forrest's website
  

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Dr. Lindsay Gibson joins Forrest to explore emotional immaturity, the consequences of growing up with emotionally immature caregivers, and what we can do to change those patterns in adulthood. They discuss the key signs of emotional immaturity, including egocentrism, low empathy, and affective realism. Dr. Gibson then shares how having an emotionally immature parent affects children, often by leading to emotional disconnection and people-pleasing, and the consequences of these patterns in adult life. Topics include the problems with “just be more compassionate,” estrangement, balancing competing desires, and how to heal in adulthood by reconnecting with your feelings, letting go of old fantasies, and setting healthy boundaries.

About our Guest: Dr. Lindsay Gibson is a clinical psychologist and the author of the Emotional Immaturity series of books, including her bestseller Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:15: How Dr. Gibson defines emotional immaturity

6:45: Markers of emotional immaturity in parents

11:05: Emotional intelligence in children, loneliness, and regulating parents

19:05: The arc of recovery, responding to feelings with thoughts, and healthy guidance

31:00: Repeating patterns in relationships

36:15: Letting go of the healing fantasy, and when to take space

42:45: Estrangement, compassion, boundary setting, and becoming more authentic

58:45: When healthy change creates social pressure

1:01:55: Common misconceptions about emotional immaturity

1:06:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow Forrest on Instagram
• Follow Rick on Facebook
• Follow Forrest on Facebook
• Visit Forrest's website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how self-concept, the invisible architecture of who we are, shapes our lives. They discuss how identity can become a cage, the unconscious beliefs we have about who we are, and how loosening those beliefs might be the key to lasting change.

Forrest and Rick talk about the science of psychological flexibility, how to challenge limiting self-beliefs, and why a little more “don’t-know mind” can go a long way. They share insights from Carl Rogers, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Buddhist philosophy, and focus on practical ways to update your self-concept without losing who you are.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:40: What is self-concept?

8:25: Stories, frameworks, and expectations

13:30: ‘I’ vs. ‘me’, and feeling misunderstood

16:55: Carl Rogers’ framework of self-concept and congruence

24:20: Common tropes for defending identity

30:45: Applying principles of biological evolution to your sense of self

34:50: Resistance to change, and misguided beliefs

40:35: Don’t-know mind, affirmation, and taking in the good

47:30: The Buddhist conception of the self

53:40: Living in direct experience, and basic trust

56:50: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days.

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow Forrest on Instagram
• Follow Rick on Facebook
• Follow Forrest on Facebook
• Visit Forrest's website

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Forrest and Dr. Rick explore one of his most powerful psychological tools: linking. Over time, linking can help us rewire the brain, softening the impact of painful memories. They discuss the neuroscience behind this process, the role of memory reconsolidation, and the importance of matching positive experiences to our original pains. Rick shares personal examples, practical tips, and a few important cautions so you can apply this technique safely. This is a grounded, hands-on episode focused on one of his most high-impact ideas.

Warning: There is a brief mention of SA toward the end of the episode. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:45: What is linking?

5:30: The relationship between linking and memory, and coherence therapy

12:20: The challenges with linking, and making the positive stronger than the negative

20:40: How to practice linking

31:00: How to disentangle our adult selves from our ‘parts’

39:30: The “erasure protocol”

53:15: How long it takes for linking to help, and key questions to ask yourself

1:02:05: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60 to unlock all of Headspace FREE for 60 days.

Head to fastgrowingtrees.com/BEINGWELL to get 15% off the best deals for your yard. Use BEINGWELL at checkout, and take advantage of their Alive and Thrive Guarantee!

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow Forrest on Instagram
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• Follow Forrest on Facebook
• Visit Forrest's website

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Dr. Rick and Forrest answer questions focused on navigating common relationship conflicts, focusing on situations where people need to find a middle path between different needs. The discussion covers balancing sensitivity with directness, bridging differences in emotional processing speeds, setting healthy boundaries without anger, and understanding how childhood patterns influence adult relationships. Throughout, they explore how couples can move from seeing issues as "me problems" to "we problems," emphasizing the importance of being on the same team and strengthening connection.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:50: How do I know if I’m being too sensitive or my partner’s being too harsh?

13:30: I need space to process; my partner wants to resolve things immediately. How do we bridge the gap?

20:55: How do I determine whether or not a relationship problem is a dealbreaker?

33:00: How can I discern between rumination and useful anxiety?

41:40: How can I honor my need for self-protection while maintaining my naturally open heart?

49:15: If parents have certain problematic traits, are their children more likely to develop those traits as well?

56:00: Recap

Rumination Course: Rick’s 5-week online course Breaking Out of Rumination starts on March 29th. Rumination is a big pain point for many people, and this course will help you learn how to break repetitive patterns of thought. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Field of Greens from Brickhouse Nutrition is a superfood powder packed with vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants. Use the code BEINGWELL at fieldofgreens.com for 20% off your first order.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow Forrest on Instagram
• Follow Rick on Facebook
• Follow Forrest on Facebook
• Visit Forrest's website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In one of my favorite conversations, bestselling author David Epstein joins the podcast to explore how to find your path in life, the problem with 10,000 hours, and why generalists triumph in a specialized world. David and I discuss why sampling different paths before specializing tends to lead to more fulfillment. David explains why feeling "behind" is actually normal for successful people who take non-linear paths, and how "fit looks like grit" when you find something that genuinely connects with your strengths and interests. We then detail how to identify good fits, a practical process for getting good at almost anything, and what helps create a breakthrough moment.

About our Guest: David Epstein is a bestselling author, science writer, and investigative reporter known for challenging conventional wisdom about peak performance. His books include Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World and The Sports Gene.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and summary of David’s work

1:25: The benefits of generalism and an unusual background

4:15: Feeling behind, and David vs. Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hours

11:40: Curiosity, transferable skills, and comfort with failure

21:40: Problems with specialization, and the value of consistent learning

27:10: Beginner’s mind and the eight lane highway

31:35: Finding what you want to do, and the value of constraint

41:35: Doing what’s in front of you, and Frances Hesselbein

45:55: How to actually get good at something

54:20: More on getting comfortable with failure

1:00:10: Autonomy, flow, and just picking something

1:04:00: What creates the “breakthrough moment”?

1:11:30: Recap

Rumination Course: Rick’s 5-week online course Breaking Out of Rumination starts on March 29th. Rumination is a big pain point for many people, and this course will help you learn how to break repetitive patterns of thought. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Field of Greens from Brickhouse Nutrition is a superfood powder packed with vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants. Use the code BEINGWELL at fieldofgreens.com for 20% off your first order.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow Forrest on Instagram
• Follow Rick on Facebook
• Follow Forrest on Facebook
• Visit Forrest's website

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Self-awareness is a good thing…right? In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick Hanson explore how we can stop overthinking and break the self-awareness trap: when knowing ourselves becomes an obstacle to change. They discuss the difference between reflection and rumination, the pitfalls of being "an expert on yourself," and why overthinking is often an avoidance mechanism disguised as problem-solving. Dr. Rick shares practical strategies for managing attention, setting boundaries around decisions, and cultivating an experimental mindset.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Rumination Course: Rick’s 5-week online course Breaking Out of Rumination starts on March 29th. Rumination is a big pain point for many people, and this course will help you learn how to break repetitive patterns of thought. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:40: When self-awareness gets in the way

8:15: Rumination vs. reflection

13:25: Developing passion for the ‘useful truth’, and working with obsession

16:45: Beginner’s mind and self-concept

25:15: The 90/10 approach to overthinking

31:15: Seeing what’s liberating, naming what’s important, seeing your full self

35:05: Managing your attention, and self-trust

42:00: Thinking vs. taking useful action

50:35: Letting yourself experiment

54:00: Self-acceptance, and having a spirit of openness

58:10: Avoiding the unknown  

1:00:35: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

Field of Greens from Brickhouse Nutrition is a superfood powder packed with vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants. Use the code BEINGWELL at fieldofgreens.com for 20% off your first order.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow Forrest on Instagram
• Follow Rick on Facebook
• Follow Forrest on Facebook
• Visit Forrest's website

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There’s never been more information out there about psychology, self-improvement, and mental health, making it easy to get lost in the details and lose sight of what matters. In this special episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick apply the 90/10 rule to psychology and self-help: what are the small handful of things that tend to make the biggest difference for people?

You’ll learn why most self-help advice should probably be ignored, how to simplify your approach to happiness and personal growth, and what actually moves the needle when it comes to feeling better, getting unstuck, and building a fulfilling life.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Rumination Course: Rick’s 5-week online course Breaking Out of Rumination starts on March 29th. Rumination is a big pain point for many people, and this course will help you learn how to break repetitive patterns of thought. Learn more at RickHanson.com/ruminating, and use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:00: Putting the big rocks in first

8:40: Root factors of well-being

15:15: Satisfaction, and what helps us rest easy

26:05: Avoidance, and responding to our own objections

32:35: Finding what matters to you, spirituality, and creative expression

36:25: Small, consistent action

39:50: Relationships and the power of repair

43:00: Stress, self-regulation, and creating space around your thoughts

48:55: Identifying your broken link, and the role of integrity

53:30: Allostatic load, and acknowledging when you’ve done your best

1:00:00: Being on your own side, pursuit mindset, and benefiting others

1:03:40: Self-concept, and joining the defense

1:06:00: Bottom up regulation, and taking one thing at a time

1:10:35: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Field of Greens from Brickhouse Nutrition is a superfood powder packed with vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants. Use the code BEINGWELL at fieldofgreens.com for 20% off your first order.

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

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Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership.

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can improve focus and fix our attention spans in a world that is constantly trying to distract us. They discuss common reasons it’s hard to focus and three key interventions that can help most people. Rick teaches approaches from mindfulness practice, and Forrest explains how we can improve focus motivation and distress tolerance. Topics include ADHD, the role of dopamine, expanding the “Goldilocks Zone,” the practice of doing hard things, and how we can become less reliant on willpower.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

5:25: Three key areas where we seek focus

9:10: Self-belief and inner turmoil

14:10: Three factors for sustaining focus

20:50: The goldilocks zone, physical health, and emotional preoccupation

24:40: Difficulties with meditation and mindfulness

32:40: Willpower vs. motivation

40:20: Quieting the mind

41:25: Decreasing the reward value of our distractions

48:35: Being present with others

54:05: ‘Going wide’, self-compassion, and other tactics for completing tasks

1:02:10: Choice and rumination

1:06:15: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Field of Greens from Brickhouse Nutrition is a superfood powder packed with vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants. Use the code BEINGWELL at fieldofgreens.com for 20% off your first order.

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Dr. Ramani Durvasula, one of the world’s leading experts on narcissism and narcissistic abuse, joins Forrest to help us learn how to understand, identify, and recover from relationships with narcissistic people. They start by discussing the traits associated with narcissism, the spectrum of narcissistic behaviors, and Dr. Ramani’s critiques of the NPD diagnosis. They then talk about different kinds of narcissism and why narcissists can be difficult to identify before moving on to the issues with narcissism in relationships. Dr. Ramani explains the general pattern narcissism follows, what narcissistic abuse looks like in practice, and what we can do to become more "narcissist resistant.”

About our Guest: Dr. Ramani is a clinical psychologist, professor emeritus at California State University, Los Angeles, and the author of a number of books including her most recent It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People. Her work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, and The New York Times. She also offers an online program for survivors of narcissistic abuse. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:30: Defining the variety of narcissistic personality styles

9:40: Narcissism as a tactic for external validation

13:00: Narcissistic supplies, personality style, and diagnosable conditions

24:45: The appeal of narcissistic traits, and their effect on specific relationships

33:25: Getting stuck in a relationship with a narcissist, and devaluation

42:45: Manipulation, gaslighting, and discerning what’s real

52:35: Becoming narcissist resistant

1:00:45: Nervous system responses

1:03:25: Covert narcissism and seeing your own traits

1:06:45: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Field of Greens from Brickhouse Nutrition is a superfood powder packed with vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants. Use the code BEINGWELL at fieldofgreens.com for 20% off your first order.

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Connect with the show:

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Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners, many of which focused on anxiety experiences. They start by discussing “dreaded experiences,” and how we can respond when our worst fears come true. Rick then shares how we can respond effectively to feedback, before answering a short question about taking in the good. Forrest and Rick then answer three questions related to different kinds of anxiety: social anxiety, managing different levels of concern in a relationship, and anxiety brought on by slowing down. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:00: How do you handle situations where you really fear something, and then it actually happens?

10:45: How can I become more receptive to feedback, and respond with less defensiveness?

19:00: How long do I need to “take in the good” for?

22:55: How can I work with my anxious parts when navigating social anxiety?

29:20: How can I support a partner who experiences a lot of anxiety?

40:40: Why am I struggling so hard with mindfulness meditation?

48:00: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Field of Greens from Brickhouse Nutrition is a superfood powder packed with vitamins, minerals, fiber, and antioxidants. Use the code BEINGWELL at fieldofgreens.com for 20% off your first order.

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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In this special episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can become more self-reliant, and learn to trust ourselves. This helps us be resilient in the face of life’s challenges, and it’s a key resource for people who tend to abandon their wants and needs. They start by discussing why some people struggle with self-trust, the difference between inside-out and outside-in safety, and changing the model we have of ourselves. Forrest introduces a framework for developing self-trust based on self-efficacy, flexibility, self-advocacy, and accurate appraisal, and Rick applies this to how we can build self-worth and feel strong and capable. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:10: Why some people have an easier time trusting themselves than others

4:30: An outside-in vs, inside-out sense of safety, and feeling reliable

9:50: Welcoming positive feedback, and psychological flexibility

14:10: Sticking up for yourself

19:55: Stabilizing yourself when feeling helpless

25:00: Evaluating internal stories, and living moment to moment

30:15: Feeling like someone who matters, and feeling seen by others

35:00: Three aspects of self-regulation, and self-appraisal

41:35: Object relations, and focusing attention on your inner world

48:55: Seeing yourself as the creator of your world, and authenticity

55:15: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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In this special episode, Forrest focuses on the key lessons from 400 episodes of Being Well, giving you a crash course in personal growth and development. If you’re just getting into the show, or are looking for a good episode to share with people who are new to this kind of content, this is a great place to start. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:10: Change is possible, but change is hard

3:00: Focus on what you can control

4:30: The consistency principle

6:05: Punishing ourselves is a losing strategy

7:45: What are you pursuing?

9:30: The negativity bias

11:40: Why you don't have self-worth

13:40: Change the beliefs you have about yourself

17:05: Forming a coherent narrative

19:50: Set reasonable expectations

22:45: The middle path

24:30: Homeostasis and social pressure

26:30: How to get good at anything

27:45: Willpower, and avoiding willpower

28:25: Don’t know mind

31:25: The trap of self-awareness

32:35: Risking disappointment

34:10: The function of our bad habits

36:00: Look for those who support you

37:15: Changing our models of relationship

40:00: Authenticity

41:50: Embrace good conflict

44:40: Contempt

46:20: Start by joining

48:40: Experiencing out

49:55: Joining with the defense

51:15: Moving toward to move away

52:40: Learning to trust yourself

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

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Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on one of life's most challenging but essential skills - letting go. Whether you're trying to break free from repetitive thoughts, move on from a relationship, or change an old pattern of behavior, this episode will help you learn how to release what no longer serves you. 

They start by exploring why letting go is so difficult, the nature of the brain and how it gets in our way, and how to start opening up to a new way of being. They then discuss different practical approaches to letting go, how to work with the feeling of “giving up,” and staying on your own side when facing resistance. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

3:05: Rumination and the comfort of familiarity

7:00: Allowing for shifts in identity

14:25: An example of working with a pattern

29:40: Being on your own side when you feel resistance from others

34:45: Letting go vs. giving up, and orienting toward our own fulfillment

43:35: The destabilization phase, and learning about yourself

51:05: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Attachment wounds are emotional injuries that develop based on painful experiences with those we care about. These experiences create a kind of blueprint we carry around for how relationships work, and when that internal model is based on fear and pain, it's hard for our relationships to thrive. Somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins the show to help us understand how we can heal old wounds and develop more secure forms of relating.

Elizabeth and Forrest explore how early experiences shape our relationships, with a particular focus on a common paradox: deeply wanting connection while simultaneously fearing intimacy. They discuss fearful attachment, how Elizabeth approaches working with attachment wounds in clinical practice, complex PTSD, self-abandonment, facing our dreaded experience, setting healthy boundaries, and navigating relationships where fearful attachment patterns are present.

About our Guest: Elizabeth Ferreira is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist working in California. She specializes in somatic approaches to trauma work. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:05: Elizabeth’s personal experience of fearful attachment

7:40: Working with a therapist to heal attachment

11:55: Elizabeth’s experience learning to create boundaries

21:35: Internal Family Systems, and how to dialog with our parts

27:15: Working with our protective part, and self-criticism

31:00: Dialoguing with our inner child without a therapist

38:15: Healthy anger, grief, and patience

42:25: What helped Elizabeth be vulnerable in relating to Forrest

53:10: Disorganized moments, identifying needs, and taking in the good

1:00:20: Intent, impact, and reasonable limits

1:05:20: Becoming your own secure attachment figure, and healing in community

1:09:10: Recap

I am now writing on Subståack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Connect with the show:

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Dr. Rick and Forrest begin the mailbag by exploring limerence – an obsessive form of romantic attraction – and offer practical recommendations for working with one-sided infatuation. They then discuss what to do when romantic vulnerability feels unsafe, and how we can rebuild trust in others after traumatic experiences. The episode also tackles managing career transitions, dealing with social anxiety around positive interactions, and maintaining boundaries without being consumed by anger. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

0:50: What can I do when I experience limerence, or compulsive romantic attraction?

18:00: How can I learn to trust my partner and embrace the experience of happiness in my relationship?

26:50: How can I best think about the inherent uncertainty in the 2-3 years of preparation for a new career path?

37:55: How can I learn to “take in the good” when good experiences feel uncomfortable for me?

44:55: How can I maintain important boundaries in a way that doesn’t lead to me feeling too much anger?

56:40: Recap

I am now writing on Subståack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
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Forrest and Dr. Rick explore "situationships" – those poorly defined, boundary-free relationships that exist in a gray area between friendship and committed dating. They unpack why these arrangements have become so common, examine the emotional trade-offs that keep people stuck, and share how to reclaim a sense of agency and build more authentic connections. The episode includes a role-play where Forrest plays someone struggling with situationships, while Dr. Rick draws on his decades of experience as a couples counselor to offer guidance.

Rick’s Yearly Program: Rick’s Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 is a year-long, science-backed journey through developing 12 key inner strengths like mindfulness, motivation, and confidence. It’s currently on sale, and if you like Being Well we think you’ll love it. Follow the link here and use coupon code beingwell20 for an additional 20% off: RickHanson.com/FWB

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:35: What is a situationship?

7:25: The benefits of a situationship, and relationship asymmetry

13:05: A roleplay of sharing your feelings

20:55: Uncertainty, wanting to be liked, and the fear of asking for what you want

31:10: Gears of rapport, and knowing your worth

38:05: Honoring yourself when a change is needed 

48:05: How much to care, and the natural arc of change

52:35: Early indicators that someone is ready for a relationship

58:55: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow Forrest on Instagram
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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do New Year's resolutions usually fail by February? Forrest and Dr. Rick explore why traditional goal-setting falls short and offer a new approach to creating lasting change. They discuss how we can uncover our authentic wants and needs, move away from a punishment mindset, and use our new knowledge to find fulfillment. This episode will teach you how to get more out of any other New Year’s content you listen to. 

Rick and Forrest walk through a practical example of brain dumping “shoulds,” shifting the focus from means to ends, and working with internal resistance. They end the episode with a role-play focused on working with someone who wants to find a more meaningful relationship.

Rick’s Yearly Program: Rick’s Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 is a year-long, science-backed journey through developing 12 key inner strengths like mindfulness, motivation, and confidence. It’s currently on sale, and if you like Being Well we think you’ll love it. Follow the link here and use coupon code beingwell20 for an additional 20% off: RickHanson.com/FWB

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:35: Fulfillment as a target, and other healthy ways of orienting to our goals

14:00: Cataloguing our “shoulds”, and being driven by a sense of enthusiasm

23:20: How Forrest has personally connected with his authentic wants

30:15: The “punishment part”

35:50: Practical techniques for identifying our values

41:45: A roleplay focused on how to find a meaningful relationship

51:25: Reviewing the roleplay

55:05: Knowing your why

59:50: Developing your personal psychology, and surrendering to the best within you

1:03:40: Recap

I am writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Head to acorns.com/beingwell or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Connect with the show:

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Why do some people navigate the social world with such ease while others feel like they're swimming upstream? In this special episode of Being Well, Forrest is joined by four leading experts for a masterclass on the science of attachment. Featuring conversations with Dr. Sue Johnson, Dr. Rick Hanson, Julie Mennano, and Elizabeth Ferreira, this carefully curated episode gives you a map to becoming more socially confident, emotionally intelligent, and authentically connected. 

Topics include:

• The four fundamental patterns that influence how we show up in every social interaction.
• Dr. Sue Johnson's guide to having deeper, more meaningful "hold me tight" conversations.
• Dr. Rick Hanson’s approach to working with self-abandonment.
• Julie Mennano on working with the anxious-avoidant dance that brings so many couples to therapy.
• Elizabeth Ferreira’s somatic and trauma-informed perspective on healing attachment wounds.

Rick’s Yearly Program: Rick’s Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 is a year-long, science-backed journey through developing 12 key inner strengths like mindfulness, motivation, and confidence. It’s currently on sale, and if you like Being Well we think you’ll love it. Follow the link here and use coupon code beingwell20 for an additional 20% off: RickHanson.com/FWB

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

3:35: Rick Hanson: How to become securely attached

31:20: Working with common attachment wounds

47:35: Sue Johnson: How to have a bonding conversation

1:09:35: Julie Mennano: The attachment mistakes that bring people to therapy, and how secure couples relate differently

1:22:25: Rick Hanson: Self-abandonment, anxious attachment, and how to build up a greater sense of self-worth and self-trust

1:40:30: Elizabeth Ferreira: Creating a secure relationship

1:56:50: Recap and outro

About our Guests: Dr. Sue Johnson is a clinical psychologist, researcher, professor, and the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a widely used and respected approach to couples therapy. She is considered one of the foremost experts in the field of attachment, and has received numerous awards for her contributions to the field of psychotherapy. Dr. Johnson is also the author of seven books, including the best-selling Hold Me Tight.

Elizabeth Ferreira is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist working in California. She specializes in somatic approaches to trauma work. 

Julie Menanno a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and Relationship Coach. She is the founder of The Secure Relationship coaching method, and maintains an instagram of the same name with over 1M followers. She is also the author of Secure Love.

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

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Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Somatic therapist Elizabeth Ferreira joins the show to discuss complex trauma, dissociation, and working with challenging emotions. Forrest and Elizabeth start by exploring the relationship between Internal Family Systems and somatic therapy, including how we can apply a somatic lens to working with our parts. They then apply that framework to complex PTSD, cognitive bypassing, emotional numbing, hypervigilance, and other difficult experiences. Other topics include issues around comparing trauma, windows of tolerance, appreciating individual needs, and Elizabeth’s own journey of becoming a therapist while managing C-PTSD and ADHD.

About our Guest: Elizabeth is an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist working in California. She specializes in somatic approaches to trauma work. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:15: What is the crossover between IFS and somatic therapy?

12:25: What helps a psychologically literate person who struggles to have a felt experience?

19:05: How can I track my capacity and needs in social situations before dissociating?

35:05: Why do I feel numb, and how can I move past it and feel my feelings again?

41:05: How can I address hypervigilance and stay present with my feelings without catastrophizing?

48:40: How do I respond to friends (or clients) who minimize their own pain or trauma?

58:55: What has supported Elizabeth in pursuing her vocation amidst challenges with trauma and neurodivergence?

1:10:40: Recap

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Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

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We all have different needs for closeness and distance, for intimacy and independence. You might have heard terms like anxious or avoidant attachment to describe this, and these tendencies can create challenges - particularly when people with different needs try to relate to each other. In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why we're drawn to people who activate our insecurities, how anxiety manifests differently in "pursuers" versus "distancers," and what we can all do to work with our natural tendencies more skillfully. They discuss common relationship patterns, why pursuers usually receive more blame than distancers, schizoid personalities, and practical ways to break free from entrenched patterns.

Rick’s Yearly Program: Rick’s Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 is a year-long, science-backed journey through developing 12 key inner strengths like mindfulness, motivation, and confidence. It’s currently on sale, and if you like Being Well we think you’ll love it. Follow the link here and use coupon code beingwell20 for an additional 20% off: RickHanson.com/FWB

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:00: Key characteristics of pursuers and distancers

9:25: Demands and reassurance

13:35: Assigning blame, and gender stereotypes

20:40: Why opposites attract, the power of small wins, and changing ourselves

31:15: The distancer

40:45: Finding motivation to identify common ground with our partner

54:30: The pursuer

1:00:00: Self-consciousness and ego

1:02:10: Brave questions to ask in your relationship

1:07:00: Recap

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Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

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Why does change feel so difficult, even when we desperately want it? Dr. Ross Ellenhorn joins the show to explore our resistance to change, and the many good reasons we might have to stay just as we are. Forrest and Dr. Ellenhorn discuss the “fear of hope,” the allure of sameness, and what actually helps people develop the confidence to make meaningful changes in their lives. Topics include challenging conventional self-help wisdom, existential dread, dealing with disappointment, major issues in social work, psychedelics, and self-compassion.

About our Guest: Ross Ellenhorn is a psychotherapist and sociologist, the owner and CEO of Ellenhorn, a community-integration program offering services for individuals experiencing addictive behaviors or extreme and complex states of mind and mood, and the author of three books including How We Change (and Ten Reasons Why We Don’t).

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:00: How Dr. Ross’s background in social work influences his outlook on change

6:20: What makes people want to stay the same

18:00: Self-efficacy, faith, and making hope big

24:55: Seeing your problems as solutions

30:00: Grappling with existential anxiety

34:20: The shock of recognition, and connecting with motivations through dialog

40:25: Managing disappointment

43:20: Psychosocial rehab, and the changing definition of mental health

52:55: Psychedelics and direct action

1:04:30: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Use promo code hanson at the link below to get an exclusive 60% off an annual plan at incogni.com/hanson.

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Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Life has a way of throwing unexpected curveballs: a sudden job loss, a relationship ending, a health crisis, or losing faith in something. These moments can leave us feeling overwhelmed, lost, and unsure of how to move forward. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick explore a practical framework for navigating life's most challenging transitions. They break down the essential steps for finding your footing when things fall apart: managing the initial emotional impact, steadying yourself, gathering information, working with loss, and taking meaningful action.

You'll learn how to process difficult emotions without getting stuck, ways to evaluate your situation objectively while avoiding common cognitive biases, strategies for decision making under stress, and approaches to building resilience and finding meaning in challenging experiences.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

4:55: Four steps to find your footing when things fall apart

7:05: Stabilizing your body, and reestablishing routines

14:45: Slowing down, and confirmation bias

17:30: Emotional first aid, limiting stressors, and rumination

29:45: Identifying what is reliable in your life

32:45: Facing reality, and gathering information

40:00: Processing loss and disappointment

48:00: Making a plan and taking action

52:30: Post-traumatic growth

58:10: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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We all have to make big choices in life, but it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when facing major decisions about careers, relationships, or personal growth. In this episode, Forrest and Rick Hanson explore how to develop a reliable system for making choices that align with your values and goals. They break down balancing analysis with intuition, the five key decision-making styles, and common obstacles that lead to poor choices. The episode also includes two live demonstrations of working through a big decision, which includes learning how to identify what you want and pursue it from a values-oriented perspective.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

3:50: Analysis vs. intuition, and activities vs. results

10:45: Effort, values, and the environments you put yourself in

17:05: The five decision-making styles

28:50: Motives and attachment

33:30: Rigidity, excessive certainty, and other common pitfalls

42:10: Demo #1 - Reverse-engineering a career decision (or Rick with a legal pad)

1:04:55: Demo #2 - Deciding whether to invest deeply in a romantic relationship

1:18:00: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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We’re tired, burnt out, and searching for a reprieve from hustle culture. Something needs to change if we’re going to get to real productivity: doing that is meaningful and fulfilling rather than just checking boxes off an endless to-do list. On today’s episode, Cal Newport joins the podcast to explore slow productivity, deep work, and how we can achieve more by doing less.

About our Guest: Cal is a computer science professor at Georgetown University and the bestselling author of eight books including Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World and most recently, Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout. He also has a YouTube channel and hosts the podcast Deep Questions with Cal Newport. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:45: Slow productivity vs. pseudoproductivity

10:35: Anxiety, procrastination, and overwhelm

17:40: Meaningful work and anti-productivity

22:40: Technology, anti-capitalist philosophy, and knowledge work

28:55: The cognitive drain of multitasking

32:45: The distraction of phones social media

36:00: The ratio of deep work to lighter work

41:00: How timeblocking actually reduces stress

45:20: Office hours and shared documents

48:05: Common misconceptions about Cal’s work

55:45: Tailoring advice to your individual situation

1:00:40: Life transitions, and the deceptive advice to “follow your passion”

1:08:00: Obsessing over quality while avoiding perfectionism

1:17:30: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

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Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Dr. Rick and Forrest answer listener questions focused on navigating relationship challenges. They explore how to rediscover yourself after a codependent relationship, distinguish between healthy and unhealthy desires, maintain friendships after romantic feelings emerge, overcome self-consciousness in social interactions, and communicate effectively during stress responses. Whether you're healing from a breakup, working through attachment issues, or seeking to build more authentic connections, this episode offers practical advice.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

0:50: After a breakup, how can I reconnect with myself and identify what I really want?

7:50: How do I distinguish between healthy and unhealthy wanting?

18:40: How can I stay friends with someone I’ve had romantic feelings for?

32:20: How can I learn to let my thoughts and speech flow more naturally?

39:10: How can I communicate with care when I find myself in an attachment-related freeze response?

56:15: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod 

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We all have an "inner child:” the part of ourselves that carries the emotions, beliefs and experiences from our early years. While this aspect of ourselves can be a source of creativity, playfulness and wonder, it might also harbor unresolved wounds that affect our adult relationships and behaviors. In this episode, Dr. Hanson and Forrest explore what the inner child really is, how it manifests in our lives, and practical ways to work with this important part of ourselves. They discuss how to identify inner child wounds, demonstrate techniques like voice dialogue, and share strategies for bringing more awareness and healing to our younger selves.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:20: What is the inner child?

7:30: How the inner child shows up in our adult lives

10:40: A CBT-ish way of thinking about the inner child

16:40: Unmet needs, and examples of inner child wounds

21:45: Promoting the positive aspects of the inner child

28:50: How to begin engaging with the inner child

35:30: Shame, and turning toward yourself

39:00: Reparenting

46:30: Voice Dialogue demonstration

1:00:15: Reflections on the demonstration

1:06:00: Other approaches, and reasons you might be having a hard time

1:09:25: Rage and release, looking at pictures, and creating an autobiography

1:14:00: Balancing the inner child's desires with the realities of life

1:20:10: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod 

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Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time, and because it’s so common it can be easy to take it lightly. But anxiety dominates the lives of many people, and in this episode psychotherapist Joshua Fletcher joins Forrest for an in-depth exploration of anxiety. They talk about the anxiety cycle, moving away from thinking in terms of a “cure,” and the key target of the “willful tolerance of uncertainty.” Josh also shares insights on exposure therapy, managing self-criticism, and developing greater self-awareness. 

About our Guest: Joshua Fletcher, also known as Anxiety Josh, is a psychotherapist based in Manchester, UK, and the author of several books, including his newest, "and how does that make you feel?" Joshua also co-hosts the podcast "Disordered," and you may have bumped into his content on Tiktok or Instagram, where he has over a quarter million followers. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

3:30: Josh’s first panic attack

10:15: The vicious cycle of threat monitoring

14:00: The three magic words: “just in case”

20:00: The “willful tolerance of uncertainty”

27:00: Exposure therapy

31:55: Working with self-criticism

41:20: Reward, punishment, and trauma

48:05: Identifying our varied inner voices

52:10: Worried voice, false comfort, and wise mind

54:00: Approaching anxiety as a neurodivergent person

58:10: Healthy disenchantment

1:00:15: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

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Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod 

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Why do so many people seem to resist self-compassion? Dr. Chris Germer, co-creator of the Mindful Self-Compassion program, joins Forrest to explore how we can work with the deeply ingrained shame that gets in the way.

Dr. Germer shares common misunderstandings about self-compassion, and they discuss the complex interplay between shame, self-criticism, and our capacity for self-care. Forrest focuses on the paradox of self-compassion: how approaching it as a “solution to your problems” actually gets in the way of it helping you out. Dr. Germer then shares the model of safety, challenge, and overwhelm, including how we can use it to guide our practice, get to the bottom of shame, and avoid burnout along the way.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:30: What people get wrong about self-compassion 

5:10: Tender vs. fierce self-compassion, and the “paradox of practice”

11:35: Shame and self-compassion

17:35: Safety, challenge, and overwhelm

23:30: Holding ourselves before holding our experience

31:45: Burnout, and inner-kindness vs. external approval

37:35: Getting to the bottom of shame, and loving ourselves up

42:00: Applying mindfulness to self-compassion practice

48:40: Overzealousness, and clarity of intention

53:10: Motivating ourselves

57:00: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

Get 15% off OneSkin with the code BEINGWELL at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore the all-too-common challenge of social anxiety. They break down what it really means to be socially anxious (hint: it's not just being shy), where those feelings come from, and why they stick around. Rick explains the roots of social anxiety, highlighting the role of attachment styles and individual temperament, before Forrest shares how to locate yourself on a spectrum from everyday nervousness to Social Anxiety Disorder. They then discuss evidence-based approaches to working with social anxiety like exposure therapy, cognitive defusion, and mindfulness techniques. Whether you experience feelings of anxiety or are trying to understand a friend who does, this episode will help you feel more confident and connected.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:45: What is social anxiety?

7:10: Where does social anxiety come from?

13:40: Feeling worthy, and other social factors

17:00: Nature vs. nurture

24:15: Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) and comorbid diagnoses

29:50: Exposure therapy, and how to practice it safely

42:00: Positive reinforcement, and responding to ruminative thoughts

55:45: Widening our view, and taking in the good

1:03:15: Talking with younger parts, and self-compassion

1:10:15: Normalizing anxiety

1:11:35: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Dr. Rick and Forrest unpack the "Dark Triad" of personality traits - narcissism, Machiavellianism, and sociopathy - and explore how these traits can manifest in everyday relationships. They talk about how individuals with these tendencies use charm and manipulation to control situations and people, and offer practical strategies for identifying these traits in others. You’ll learn how to set boundaries, protect yourself from manipulation, and develop a thoughtful, empathetic approach when navigating relationships with those who exhibit these challenging behaviors. The episode also explores self-care in difficult dynamics, the ethical considerations in labeling others, and how to manage unavoidable interactions with people who display these traits. It’s essential listening for anyone who has encountered toxic behavior, and wants to learn how to deal with it more effectively.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and disclaimers

3:50: The Dark Triad: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Sociopathy

7:40: Charisma, privilege, and why some people get away with antisocial behavior

16:10: Sensitivity to criticism, viewing people as means to ends, and other evidence

22:35: Being careful about labeling people

28:50: Developing awareness, and grieving reality

33:10: Boundaries and safety

38:00: Limiting the scope of the relationship

42:20: How to break through the “fuzz” in communication

49:25: Transference, and when it’s safe to confront people

55:15: Self-care in unavoidable situations

59:15: When you notice these tendencies in yourself

1:02:10: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Forrest sits down with marriage and family therapist Julie Menanno to explore one of the most crucial aspects of healthy relationships: secure attachment. They discuss the impact of anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment patterns, and provide practical advice on identifying and communicating attachment needs, fostering emotional safety, and addressing the common anxious-avoidant partner dynamic. Julie highlights the importance of emotional validation and recommends strategies for communicating from the heart. Forrest and Julie then talk about what we can learn from how securely attached couples navigate conflict and repair. 

This episode is perfect for anyone looking to strengthen their relationships!

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:20: Attachment styles and emotional safety

4:30: Identifying and meeting attachment needs

12:45: How attachment styles shape our relationships

19:30: The “anxious-avoidant” partner dynamic

26:55: Communicating from the heart

32:40: Emotional validation

35:55: Conflict and repair in a securely attached relationship

44:55: How a therapist manages escalation and overwhelm

50:35: The power of choice in relationships

56:35: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Dr. Rick and Forrest dive into the mailbag, and answer questions from listeners focused on working with anxiety in ourselves and our relationships. They start with a question that’s essential to the podcast as a whole: is it possible to be too preoccupied with personal growth? Rick talks about how to manage the desire for approval, offering strategies to foster self-acceptance and healthier self-validation, before Forrest shares his own journey with finding the right amount of try-hard. They then discuss how to create more collaborative decisions in relationships. Additional topics include self-motivation and peak performance, working with diverse needs, and diagnostic “scope creep.”

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:05: Am I too preoccupied with self-help and personal growth?

11:20: How do I address my unquenchable thirst for approval?

27:15: How can I tell if I’m actually doing my best?

36:40: How do I advocate for more collaborative decision making with my partner?

54:15: How does the brain’s natural pursuit of novelty balance with its desire for safety?

1:03:30: Recap

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Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

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Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Forrest dives into cognitive bypassing - a common strategy many of us use to avoid feeling difficult emotions - with trauma therapist Simone Saunders. Simone and Forrest discuss the connection between cognitive bypassing and trauma before exploring somatic tools that can help us avoid an endless cycle of overthinking, and fully process our experiences. They focus on the “freeze” and “fawn” stress responses, and talk about how these responses can impact our relationships and everyday interactions. The conversation widens from there to include topics like letting go of unhealthy relationships, navigating the shame that can come with self-awareness, working through triggers, finding more agency, and changing our models of conflict. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:25: What’s cognitive bypassing?

5:55: Somatic approaches, and widening the window of tolerance

18:10: The freeze and fawn responses

22:25: Grieving letting go of unhealthy relationships

26:20: Shame, the problem with self-awareness, and identifying your values

35:35: How to move through “first contact” with our triggers

38:05: Feeling connected to others

41:55: Agency, and being embodied in a relationship

47:30: Changing how we see conflict

51:15: Grief as self-awareness, and expressing ourselves

57:25: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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In this special conversation, Forrest explores what it means to be a good father with his dad, clinical psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson. They discuss the joys, challenges, and unexpected lessons of parenthood, starting with the advice Rick would have given himself. Rick and Forrest tackle the mental health challenges new parents face, focusing particularly on maintaining a strong relationship between partners. They get real about their relationship, and Rick offers practical strategies for "resetting" with your partner during stressful times. 

They then talk about different approaches to parenting, and how to find a healthy balance of authority, aspiration, and nurturance. Whether you’re navigating the path of parenthood, reflecting on your relationship with your own parents, or just looking to gain some insight into the father-son dynamic, this episode has something for everyone. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:00: Did becoming a dad change Rick’s relationship with his parents?

5:05: What advice would Rick give a younger version of himself?

8:45: Biological stressors, and the mental health challenges of young parents

17:00: Maintaining closeness with your children while working

21:40: How to “reset” with your partner

32:15: Savoring the good times

35:35: Authority, aspiration, and nurturance

44:30: Parenting the child you have, and emotional regulation

51:10: Recognizing that kids are not tiny adults

57:55: Staying consistent

1:00:30: How to practice for becoming a parent

1:03:00: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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In this timely episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest tackle the anxiety and uncertainty so many are feeling about the state of today’s world. They discuss why everything feels so overwhelming right now, share practical ways to manage those emotions, and explore how we can stay grounded, take ownership of what we can control, and maintain a sense of connection with others. Topics include managing uncertainty, wise skepticism, developing agency, accepting impermanence, and understanding grief as a deep form of love and connection. Whether you're feeling anxious about global events or just navigating daily life, this episode offers practical advice for building resilience.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:55: Why do things feel so terrifying?

11:45: A typical response to the state of the world

17:40: Recognizing how much uncertainty there is

25:35: Feeling grounded in your personal integrity

32:30: Taking ownership of what you are able to contribute

39:00: Our felt sense of connection with others

44:20: Accepting impermanence

49:00: Grief as a form of love and connection

54:15: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Forrest explores how we can harness perfectionism’s strengths without getting captured by its vulnerabilities with therapist and author Katherine Morgan Schafler. They talk about perfectionism’s bad branding, and how our relationship with perfectionism can lead to it being either a superpower or a stumbling block. They discuss the different types of perfectionists, the limitations of defining perfectionism merely as a defense against criticism, and the importance of shifting our language around self-criticism. You’ll learn about the difference between power and control, why self-compassion beats self-punishment, and how to keep perfectionism in check while still reaching your goals.

About our Guest: Katherine is a psychotherapist, former on-site therapist at Google, and author of the recent book The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:35: Defining perfectionism

6:00: Ideals, identity, and asking yourself how and why you’re striving

12:40: The five types of perfectionists

21:55: Why defining perfectionism as a ‘defense against criticism’ falls short

28:20: Changing our vocabulary around self-criticism

34:00: Why self-punishment doesn’t work

38:10: The difference between power and control

44:40: Splitting vs. scaling, and reaching out for connection

49:10: When perfectionistic tendencies invade our relationships

54:10: The intention that drives real goals, and finding your metric for measuring success

1:07:10: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Dr. Rick and Forrest explore one of the most interesting concepts in psychology: Carl Jung’s concept of the shadow. The shadow includes the “the things a person has no wish to be,” the uncomfortable aspects of ourselves that we deny or ignore. Facing those parts can be difficult, but becoming aware of the shadow, accepting it, and integrating it allows us to embrace all of who we are. 

They start by explaining what the shadow is, where it comes from, and why it’s valuable. Rick shares some examples of shadow material, what we lose by leaving them behind, and how we can start reintegrating them. Forrest talks about modern approaches to shadow work, and viewing the shadow through a less dualistic lens. They then map out the “typical” path of what is usually a highly individualized process. 

Hope you enjoy it!

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:50: Defining the shadow - things we leave out, or don’t care to know

4:30: Individuation

12:05: Some examples of shadow material

18:35: What do we lose by not incorporating the shadow?

23:10: Agency, creativity, authenticity, and unrecognized capabilities

26:50: Patience, knowing your why, inner refuge, and befriending parts

32:00: Acceptance, awareness of projection, and being in dialog with our shadow

38:10: Deliberate practice, stepping into the wild, and showing curiosity

46:25: The golden shadow, and accepting impulses vs. acting on them

55:30: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Forrest and Dr. Rick tackle the tricky topic of dealing with other people’s psychological defenses. It’s often easier to see other people’s defenses than to see our own, which can make them particularly frustrating to deal with. In this episode, Rick and Forrest explore the psychological and communication skills that will allow you to have more successful conversations.

They start with a quick summary of what psychological defenses are and how they operate, before talking about recognizing our biases, showing empathy, and establishing a productive tone. Rick explains how to break the cycle of counterattacks that can happen when people get defensive, and how to balance different needs for closeness and distance. Topics include effective communication skills, moving from criticism toward values, managing frustration, and helping other people become more self-aware.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction, psychological defenses recap

3:40: Why can’t we see other people’s defenses?

10:35: Recognizing our own vulnerabilities, and showing empathy

14:20: Setting the tone

20:10: Disrupting the cycle of counterattacks 

24:20: Approaching differing needs for closeness and distance

31:15: Joining with empathy before escalating requests

38:55: A mutual orientation toward growth

41:45: Seeing openings for dialog when they present themselves

43:40: Basing dialog around values vs. criticism

47:40: Managing frustration

53:25: Is there any way to help others become more self-aware?

1:01:35: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Connect with the show:

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• Follow us on Instagram
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Have you ever felt like you knew yourself a little too well? While self-awareness is usually helpful, it can sometimes lead to overwhelm, anxiety, confusion, and self-consciousness. In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore what we can do if we feel like we’re “too self-aware.” 

They begin by identifying some of the issues that can arise with self-awareness, differentiating it from self-consciousness, and highlighting how conflict between different parts can stop us from becoming who we want to be. They then discuss how developing ego strength can help us become more authentic and free in our behavior. Rick then guides Forrest through a role-play exercise aimed at reducing self-consciousness and social anxiety, and addressing parts of ourselves we may not like.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:40: Can we be "too self-aware?"

3:55: Three ways self-awareness can cause problems, and four stages of growth

8:25: Outside-in vs. inside-out change, and self-consciousness

14:20: Authenticity, feeling stuck, and internalizing judgment

18:45: Ego strength, and what helps people navigate overwhelm

29:10: What not to do, and a roleplay example with Forrest

35:00: Showing interest in others, and rumination

40:15: More roleplay with Forrest, anxiety, overanalysis, and shame

53:25: Qualities we like and can embrace about an exiled part

1:01:30: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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About 30% of people will experience depression at some point in their lives, and most of us know what a depressed mood feels like. Because depressive episodes are common, there’s no lack of good advice out there. But depression is so challenging in part because it attacks our ability to do anything about it. Depression saps our energy, is demotivating, and makes it difficult to actually put that good advice into practice. In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore what we can do about this, and how we can break out of an episode of depressed mood. 

They start by talking about what causes depression, introduce the biopsychosocial model, and identify an overall framework for most depressive episodes. Rick and Forrest then explain the vicious cycle of depressed mood before focusing on what a person can do practically to break the cycle. Topics include identifying mindsets, changing how we interpret information, fully experiencing our emotions, rumination and ruminatory processes, taking in the good, and creating openness to possibility. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:15: Distinguishing a depressed mood from MDD

7:25: Causes of depression

12:00: Absolutist beliefs and self-compassion

17:45: The paradox of motivation, and small ways to break the cycle

24:20: Fully experiencing your feelings, and emotional release

30:05: Discerning between thoughts and experiences

38:30: Rumination, finding evidence of positive change, and interoception

42:50: Recognizing what you don’t know, being receptive to love, and simply being

52:00: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Most of us have gone through a time in life when it felt like we were stuck: unable to deal with our issues, change in useful ways, or make our lives the way we wanted them to be. It’s often not for lack of trying. You read the books, you followed the exercises, you maybe even saw a therapist…but it just didn’t help. On today’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore why this happens, and what we can do about it. 

Rick shares a simple framework we can approach change through before Forrest digs into the six key factors that prevent us from changing. They talk about self-acceptance and how we can relax our attachment to the current version of ourselves, before moving on to factors that affect motivation. They then discuss working with fears, becoming courageous, and leaning into a more authentic version of who we are. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:25: What we can (and can’t) change

4:15: Taking inventory: What hasn’t worked?

9:00: Seeing what’s true

15:25: Holding onto an identity, recognizing your defenses, and experimenting

29:55: Motivating yourself, and releasing feelings of guilt

36:35: Secondary gains

46:30: Courage, boredom, and fear of the unknown

50:20: Appreciating how our environment influences us

55:40: Seeing what’s already working, and getting new inputs

1:04:00: Authentically being you

1:06:55: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Connect with the show:

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Dr. Rick and Forrest open the mailbag and answer questions focused on strengthening our relationships. They explore how we can support friends and loved ones who are experiencing depression while also caring for ourselves, managing different levels of capacity within a relationship, maintaining self-worth and trust in the context of body image insecurities, and navigating the often tricky dynamics of a partner’s relationship with their ex. The episode closes with Rick and Forrest sharing how they’ve handled repair in their parent/child relationship, and what we can do to manage anxieties about the future.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:40: Establishing boundaries with a loved one who is depressed

11:00: Managing different levels of capacity in a relationship

16:45: Body image insecurity, and trusting that others love us

31:45: How do I navigate my partner's relationship with their ex?

42:15: I’m nervous that as my child ages they’ll blame me for my parenting. What can I do?

1:02:15: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01 Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/BEINGWELL and use code 25BEINGWELL to get 25% off your first month. 

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
• Follow Forrest on YouTube
• Follow us on Instagram
• Follow Forrest on Instagram
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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If we want to accomplish something in life it usually takes a combination of motivation and consistency - in other words, discipline. Discipline is both essential…and shockingly hard to develop. In today’s episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how we can become more disciplined. They talk about whether discipline came naturally to Rick, and the lessons we can learn from his journey with discipline. Key topics include how to make even frustrating tasks rewarding, the relationship between discipline and self-concept, how to identify key wants, needs, and aspirations, and learning to feel good when we do good. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:30: Rick’s personal history with cultivating discipline

5:45: Finding reward in necessary tasks

17:50: Engaging in your life, and knowing what you really care about

22:35: The power of your self-concept

31:45: Breaking things down into small parts

36:45: Motivation, distress tolerance, and meta-motivation

46:35: Getting out of a negative mindset, and finding what works for you

54:10: Recap

I am now writing on Substack, check out my work there. 

Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. 

Transform your health with the ZOE Science & Nutrition podcast. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

OneSkin focuses on delivering more than superficial results for your skin. Get started today with 15% off using code BEINGWELL at oneskin.co. 

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Connect with the show:

• Subscribe on iTunes
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• Follow us on Instagram
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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices