The Greatest Generation

When a pair of twins use their prominently placed keisters to smuggle an egg onboard the station, a deal brokered by Quark goes sideways and a man is killed. But when the prisoner shows Odo his necklace, the shape-shifter has a chain reaction. Is Lieutenant Toast a character that exists to save work doe the payroll department? Is this episode meant to be a stirring tribute to the makeup designer’s deceased father? Are these guys gum commercial twins or beer commercial twins? It’s the episode where we open ALL the presents and do ALL the ass jokes.

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When an extremely droopy Tony Robbins convenes a group of Ferengi economic minds, scheming for profit in the Gamma Quadrant is their top priority. But when he chooses Quark as his successor, the bartender is thrust from his comfortable place behind the scenes into a spotlight that proves dangerous. Where are the eyes supposed to go? Why would a Vulcan steal homework from a Ferengi? What are the chances that Rom has a nice apartment? It’s the episode that turns on Find My Friends!

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When diplomats from the Gamma Quadrant head straight past a good premise, they wind up in Quark’s bar. But when the Ferengi act like Ferengi, the stakes are raised for the staff of DS9 in the worst way possible. Are the Wadi elves or sharks? Is O’Brien just going to spend the rest of Season 1 on an air mattress at his mother-in-law’s house? Is Major Kira our emotional proxy? It’s the episode that is paid for with swag from a natural history museum gift shop.

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When Dr. Bashir witnesses the death of a dangerous criminal, the officer in charge of his capture presupposes that...maybe he’s alive? But when a new lieutenant has some fresh ideas w/r/t station security, Odo struggles to ensure their working relationship doesn’t get burnt. When is a super dumb Bela Lugosi voice ever a good idea? How long should you have to wait before dispensing corporal punishment? Is it a good time to start killing characters? It’s the episode that ravaged us all!

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When some sneaky aliens decide to out-creep Dr. Bashir, they attempt to abduct Jadzia. But when the trial begins, it’s unclear if she’s an ankylosaur or a floor mat. Can Odo be Christmas Lights? Is Klaestron 4 a “mask and gloves” planet? How do you direct Nana Visitor? It’s the episode with all the great older ladies.

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When Vash returns from the Gamma Quadrant with a sack full of toys, she brings back with her a person who knows when she’s asleep and when she’s awake. But when an auction for the quadrant’s hottest item starts causing bangers all over DS9, it’ll take more than a six finger discount to end the bidding. What kinds of holosuite programs does O’brien use to unwind after work? Have we seen ear diddling before? Is Vash more of a “cowboy” or “medium single” type? It’s an episode that was written for the wrong series!

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When the station encounters its first Gamma Quadrant alien, they send the handyman down to make First Contact. But when the alien’s pursuers show up, starfleet is forced to relax its policy about gunfights on the Promenade. Is #MeToo going to still be a thing hundreds of years from now? Why does that beverage cart have googly eyes? Is the Predator canonical Flash Gordon? It’s the episode where we become each other’s extravagance buddies.

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When the inhabitants of DS9 come down with a case of flop-sweat aphasia, O'Brien has to be thinking that the sexy part comes next. But when the word salad is followed by a deadly main course, Kira turns to kidnapping as a last resort. Does the Federation have enough people to fix DS9? Is it possible to hug the sick out of someone? Can Odo turn himself into cat litter? It's the episode that does not enjoy a gentle touch.

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When a Barnaby lookalike gets a decidedly unhappy ending on the holodeck, Constable Odo becomes the prime suspect. But when the kids of Deep Space Nine use the distraction to do pranks around the station, it’s up to a very unlikely character to teach them a lesson. What do we do about movie talkers? What’s the difference between where a Bajoran keeps their genitals and where they put them? Is Odo’s relationship history more problematic than Geordi’s? It’s the episode that’s pro Vichy Bubble.

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When Bashir makes friends with a man who is obviously a spy, the subterfuge, like the tailoring, goes way over his head. But when 90’s hair Bajorans start importing suspicious cargo, the crew will have to take risks far greater than hiding in a changing booth after store hours. Who’s your hall pass from the cast? Has DS9 overcompensated for the potted plant issue? What are Lursa and B’etor hiding with their boobs? It’s the episode where we really strain the portmanteau.

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When a reluctant and somewhat recalcitrant Ben Sisko is given command of the worst neighborhood in Starfleet, a tone is set for a very different kind of Trek. But when the locals identify him as potentially playing a major role in their religion, the commander's commitment to his job comes roaring back. Is the space station a metaphor for urban Detroit? Did someone tell Nana Visitor that she was going to be the star of the series? Is Picard looking at Sisko’s junk? It’s the episode where we trade Picard’s Beavis and Butthead for Sisko’s Woo!

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When Star Trek: The Next Generation trots out its greatest ambassador for a special retrospective episode, it's only fair that The Greatest Generation does the same. But when the hosts start arguing over the best and worst episodes of the series, it could take more than an intergalactic cheerleader to put their relationship back together. Where did Frakes get his wardrobe? Are Members Only jackets cool again? Is this educational programming? It's the episode that takes advantage of what pretty ladies we are.

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The Greatest Discovery Episode 1: Oopsie-Daisy MurderWhen a precursor to the Argus Array gets a hole poked in it, the Federation sends its B-team: the USS SHEzhou. But when executive officer Michael Burnham pokes a hole in a nearby Klingon, the situation escalates quickly. Is Sarek the only Vulcan teacher? Has Georgiou given Burnham too much latitude? Is Saru the COB of this episode? It’s the episode that lights a beacon that can be seen across the galaxy.

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When Captain Picard starts slipping through time, his sanity is called into question. But when Q shows up to blame him for the creation of a space-time butthole, Picard must unify the crews of his past, present and future in order to save humanity. Does Star Trek First Contact bubble bath have an expiration date? Does Worf have a holodeck eating disorder? What does all this have to do with Joel Schumacher’s Batman films? It’s the episode that’s the end of one thing, and the beginning of another!

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When Lieutenant Ro is sent on a mission to infiltrate the Maquis, it’s just another late-Season 7 daddy-issues episode. But when the conflict between her loyalty to the Federation and her hatred of Cardassians comes to the fore, Picard doubles down on his inappropriate workplace behavior. Is Beverly the ship’s greatest disease vector? Are Starfleet officers the narcs of the Alpha Quadrant? How are we supposed to sympathize with Bajorans when all they eat are wraps? Everybody knows that the Federation are the good guys, but what this episode presupposes is, maybe they’re not?

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When a clump of crazy straws sets up shop inside the wiring of the Enterprise, the ship’s holodeck programs become self aware. But when the characters begin to endanger the ship, they attempt to take back control by playing by their rules. Who's got time for canapés? Is there something going on between Jellico and Nechayev? Does the Parrot Army have anything to do with any of this? It's the episode where we finally decide what Riker's favorite sexual position is.

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When a mysterious probe delivers a holographic Daimon Bok to the Enterprise, it’s a revenge served lukewarm. But when Picard discovers he may have unknowingly sired a son, the ship drops everything to save the beautifully coiffed boy. Is “farmer” the most eccentric job you can have? Does Picard need to start keeping a loaded DustBuster under his pillow? Why stop work on an amazing invention five minutes before you’re done? It’s the episode where Maury Povich takes a turn as co-host.

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When Worf and Alexander take a field trip to a Klingon renaissance fair, an assassination attempt is foiled, and an old family friend appears to help. But when Alexander decides not to go to Klingon summer camp, his mentors must face the possibility that he'll never become the warrior they want him to be. Are Eric's balloons here to stay? What does a Klingon scented candle smell like? Which one is Lursa and which one is B'Etor? It's the episode that knows where to get the raw materials.

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When Admiral Nechayev comes aboard, Picard would almost rather be relieved of command than carry out her orders. The mission coincides with Wesley’s Spring Break, and he’s eager to do some sweet bong rips to get out of the funk he’s been in. Who's the George of TNG? Why not deploy the Paul Sorvino Solution? Was anybody woke in the 90s? It’s the episode with all the pan flute. COOL!

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When Worf fires a photon torpedo that goes off course, Picard and Data go on a road trip to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Dr. Crusher’s cure for Lt. Barclay’s flu ends up being a step in the wrong direction. How many arboretums are there? Is Nurse Ogawa’s relationship moving too fast? Is Kevin coming to Deep Space Nine? It’s the episode that’s a really beautiful tableau.

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When a nacelle engineer totally puts himself into his work, Worf and Troi are tasked with investigating the circumstances of his death. But when Troi starts displaying some similarly troubling feelings, it's up to Worf to keep her from going over the edge. Is LiveJournal a compulsory part of a Starfleet career? Where's the boldest place to kiss someone for the first time? Are there special phasers for the elderly? It's the episode that's only slightly better than Ben Affleck's first film!

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When Data’s attempt to become a sculptor coincides with the ship encountering a rogue comet, eldritch emanations from the heavenly body cause him to take his exploration of an ancient art form way too far. Now the Entrepreneur is in ruins, and the only way to save it is for Picard to go incognito. Did we just witness an ice life genocide? Did Worf and Geordi doom the ship by leaving a torpedo next to an open flame in engineering? Should Picard just blow up the damn ship? It’s the episode that pauses at vag on its way to treble clef.

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When Data crash lands on "Planet Renaissance," he starts performing feats of strength and sells dangerous cargo to the blacksmith there. Meanwhile, Counselor Troi studies for a test where her answers have life-threatening consequences. Who's ever seen Space Rangers? What is the loaf of the week? Should we change the show's logo? It's the episode that suffers from mechanical amnesia.

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When Riker and Troi embark on a quarterly crew evaluation, four fresh-faced ensigns are pitted against each other to see who will get promoted, and who will be voted off the island. But when the Captain takes a special interest in big-dogging a familiar young Bajoran, the competition turns deadly. What does a staff meeting in Ten Forward sound like? Is Worf the best manager on the ship? Is Troi running a long con to get more face time with Lavelle? Its the episode that will serve as a time capsule for post-tour Adam and Ben to understand what pre-tour Adam and Ben were really like.

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When Beverly’s grandma wills her an erotic candle, her eye color isn’t the only thing that changes. But Troi and Picard grow increasingly suspicious when she starts dressing like an old. Is this mayor what would happen if the Dark Crystal puppets grew up? Where do babies come from? Was Nagilum an MRA? It’s the episode where we come to loggerheads over podcasting fluid.

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When Worf’s brother sends word of pending calamity at the Diet Mintakan planet he’s living on, the Enterprise is there to stand bravely and selflessly by as a young civilization is winked out of existence. But when Dr. Rozhenko sneaks some refugees aboard, the only way to prevent a full blown Prime Directive violation is for Worf to dress up as Carl Weathers. How are these holodeck outages going to affect the ship’s first officer? What’s the best window treatment on which to preserve a historical record? Why isn’t Worf respecting proper hugging etiquette? It’s the episode that is almost entirely dedicated to Paul Sorvino pasta sauce.

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When an Admiral from Starfleet Intelligence comes aboard, the Entrepreneur has to cut its holiday celebration short. But Riker’s misgivings about the mission and the man leading it boil over when a terrible, and very un-Roddenberry secret is uncovered. Is the Hood the Siberia of Starfleet? What is the top Riker? How is the Federation going to smooth this over with the Romulans? It’s the episode where Adam and Ben go to war with each other.

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When the Enterprise investigates a misaligned telescope on one of the great arrays, Worf begins experiencing some problems focusing. But when his issues at work spill over into his home life, his wife(!) helps him get back to where he belongs. Do amputees finish ahead of people who are bad at bat'leth? What kind of camping can you do in a shuttlecraft? Is there such thing as "the ultimate man-spread"? It's the episode that proves there's no floor drains in a shuttlebay.

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When a federation planet is a bit backed up, the Entrepreneur crew pull on their rubber gloves and get to work. But when one of the scientists starts insisting she’s Data’s mother, the mystery goes more than medium-deep. What’s the perfect can? Is this canonical phaser? Will we ever record sober again? It’s the episode where Data’s similarities to Ronald Reagan really start to trickle down.

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When the Entrepreneur goes on a search an rescue mission in a part of space with strange properties w/r/t fields, the situation gets hot in a global sort of way. A strangely loafed pair of siblings have gone Greenpeace on all local spaceships, and it’s up to Picard to deal with their inconvenient truth. When are the Ferengi going to get back to their Vegas residency? Can you Jake your own ship? Does Leonard Maltin review adult films? It’s the episode that’s a hyperbaric chamber preparing us for our trip to rock bottom.

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When Picard and Beverly are abducted and fitted for mechanical nubbins, they start to share more than a mutual love of breakfast. Back on the ship, an extremely paranoid ambassador is trying to build his own bat cave in one of the condos. Does this episode take place in an alternate brunchaverse? Is Worf picking up extra shifts in the transporter room because he’s short on scarves? Is Picard getting a write-off for that Action Jacket? It’s the episode where we finally finish the ‘card bit’…or do we?

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When Lwaxana Troi drinks from a telepathic firehose, it gives her a wicked headache before putting her into a coma. But when Deanna Troi's investigation results in the discovery of a dark family secret, she must find a way to escape the prison constructed within her mother's mind. What is the easiest stitch? How do you comb your hair around temple loaf? Who does the gardening in the arboretum? It’s the episode that doesn’t have as many good ideas as the number of shows we have to do.

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When a new Warp Core is installed, Geordi and Data spend a surprising amount of time on the phone with tech support trying to get it running. The stress really gets to Data, causing him to have bizarre nightmares. Is that super 90’s guy at the conn during third shift now? What are gas prices like in the Federation these days? How hard is it to find an erotic bakery in LA? It’s the episode where we fill up a cup holder.

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When Picard turns up alive, he "kills" Commander RIker before taking command of the pirate ship. But when the Enterprise puts Data in charge of the rescue mission, workplace conflicts arise for both crews. Is pain a good leadership style? Where does Picard keep his dog tags? How do dye packs work? It's the episode where we run out of torpedoes.

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When Picard turns up dead, the Entrepreneur’s new captain is a vengeance-motivated Riker with total mission discretion. But it’s not long before Riker himself is captured, leaving the ship in Data’s capable, detachable hands. How much disbelief can this show get us to suspend? What’s the best way to maintain your Rimforest? How deep in the lineup do they go before the Entrepreneur doesn’t have a qualified captain? It’s the episode where we tie a red bandana around our bust of Big Rod.

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When Geordi starts dabbling in virtual reality, his Batman costume makes it look a lot cooler than it should. But when what he experiences in the virtual world starts to have real-world consequences, he must choose between a dangerous mission and the acceptance of a difficult truth. Does Picard screen calls with a text message? What is honey mustard dressing made of? Is there a burn past the 3rd degree? It's the episode that doesn't waste a side on coleslaw.

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When a number of ambassadors for the athleisure movement come aboard, they pair off with crew members while the captain climbs in a suspicious shuttle to their homeworld. But when Picard’s shuttle runs right into a planet and he’s rescued by a space babe, diplomacy is the last thing on anyone’s mind. Why is that roast so hard to cut? Why can Adam do dad jokes with relative impunity? Was remastering Season 7 for HD what broke the studio and caused them not to care? Why is Troi getting a sex ed lesson while that kid is in the room? It’s the episode where Adam does deep research in an effort to keep the show fresh.

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When the Enterprise crew gets fooled for the tenth time by a kidnapped-and-taken-over Data, the skeleton crew left aboard the ship is their only hope. But when Geordi is subjected to "enhanced acupuncture," their survival depends on rebooting Data's programming. What is a Biff Yeager Unit? Does a replicator have an emergency rationing mode? What happened to Borg gender parity? It's the episode where we interview LeVar Burton!

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When the Entrepreneur investigates a trashed outpost, the Borgs return, and they’ve gone from suck to blow. Now the entire crew—and we mean the entire crew—has to go to San Diego to rescue their missing Android. Is Data’s combat program based on MacGruber? How many shift rotations do they have on Dennis Eckersley’s ship? Is Einstein just a frumpier Twain? It’s the episode with incredibly durable plating.

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When Picard, Troi, Data and Geordi return from a road trip in a Federation RV, they discover that the show’s leitmotif of bad conference luck has befallen the Enterprise. But when they find their ship and crew buffering in space, it will take contributions from everyone - yes, even Deana Troi - to save them. Have you ever been "pigeon happy"? Do older ensigns begin their training at Art Instruction Schools? Is there such a thing as impression creep? It's the episode that's suffering from temporal narcosis!

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When Lieutenant Riker finally gets picked up after eight years of perfecting his jack-kata in seclusion, he finds out that a perfect copy of him has been living his life, neglecting his girlfriend, and making choices in his career. Now the full-bearded yellow shirt is trying to win back Troi, complete the mission, and take down a few hands of poker while he’s at it. Is Night Bird a sex move? Which Riker has the more gruesome second quarters? What’s the saddest onion? It’s the episode that was recorded on a dark and stormy night.

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When Worf tampers with a smoke detector in his quarters, he's given a leave of absence to think about what he's done. But after a DNA test comes back positive for "deity," this new leader's presence creates political problems for the Klingon empire. How attached is Worf to his loaf? Can a holodeck babysit a child? Is Mr. DNA also Clippy? It's the episode that's like one long dead-air joke.

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When Beverly loses her job as Chief Medical Officer, Guinan can feel the storm coming in her joints. The Doctor proceeds to Rashomon the story of her dismissal to the mysterious bartender, in one of the most peculiarly structured episodes yet. Did Dr. Crusher start getting into subspace to be close to her son? Did the Vulcan Science Academy get woke? Can hats violate the laws of physics? It’s the episode where we fall in love with a dreamy police detective.

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When Commander Riker’s mind is compromised on a dangerous mission, his jailers convince him that the life he knew aboard the Entrepreneur has been a fantasy. But when the firewall he’s erected to preserve his sanity begins to crack, Riker must keep his edge or risk finishing his reality too soon. Is the Entrepreneur a Seattle-chill type place? How deep is too deep to bow? Is that a Cardassian pillow? It’s the episode you can think of in a pinch, to keep you in the game.

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When Picard’s archaeology mentor comes aboard bearing gifts, it gives him a bad case of career FOMO. And when the professor wraps his Previa around a tree, the captain feels compelled to use it as an excuse to avoid a potentially perilous conference. Is TNG the secret source of contemporary baby names? Did that Cardassian bridge go up someone’s nose? Why didn’t they ever explain why that ship asplode? Can we get through a plot about the theory of panspermia without making puerile jokes? It’s the episode where Adam really commits to his tentacle fetish.

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When Captain Picard falls for a pointy coworker, the harmony of their relationship reverberates throughout the ship. But when things heat up on a nearby planet, Picard must make a choice between saving some lives and extinguishing their romance. What's the least Kevin-y impression? Is the Hood the only place you can be truly safe? Who's had the worst life on the show? It's the episode with a decidedly non-Naked Gun love story.

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When the Entrepreneur is getting sprayed for space bugs, the entire crew disembarks for a local planet famous for its incessant smalltalk and picturesque horse riding trails. But when a ruthless group of criminals try to steal the nastiest stuff that comes out of the ship’s reactor, only JL Pipes can stop them. How often do the ship’s flight attendants have to do a brief safety demonstration? What other ‘hand stuff’ did Picard learn from Sarek? Is this just Wars trying to pull a heist on Trek? It’s the episode where chattiness is punishable by death.

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When Worf is taken prisoner behind enemy lines, he turns his incarceration into a Cool Hand Worf-type situation. But when the inmates start regarding their farm implements as the weapons they are, the warden increases Worf's sentence...to death! Do Klingons have two-factor suicide authentication? Why does Worf fall in love so easily? What's the most offensive portmanteau? It's the episode that looks a lot better at night.

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When alien technology and indigestion trigger parallel daddy quests for Data and Worf, one goes fully suicidal while the other goes full Rambo. All this is set against a tense backdrop of Captain Picard doing some aqueduct diplomacy and Dr. Crusher doing something decidedly naughty in Quark’s holosuites. Is Deep Space 9 well-lubricated enough for that space butthole? Did Farmer Hoggett get horribly burned in a fire? Under what circumstances is it OK for Worf to go on an unsanctioned black ops mission behind enemy lines? It’s the episode with the seven stages of podcast preparation.

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When Captain Picard spills an awful lot of pasta sauce on the front of his uniform, the all-powerful Q gives him an opportunity to make out with his hot friend from college. Now he has to play a round of Would You Rather where the choice is a sword to the heart or having a boring joe job. Does Wolf 359 go in the Picard column or the Q column? Why all the impalements? What does Predator Hair Metal sound like? How can Marta be so comfortable as the last clapper? It’s the episode that needs a universal translator for the word ‘embarrassment.’

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