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The Mean Time

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Watch two best friends try so hard not to kiss on this podcast we cannot believe we get paid to do. Welcome to The Mean Time with Jared Gaines and Patrick Gilchrist.
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Watch two best friends try so hard not to kiss on this podcast we cannot believe we get paid to do. Welcome to The Mean Time with Jared Gaines and Patrick Gilchrist.
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Episodes

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Published 2026-05-15

I.P.M.P.A.T.R.O.P.

52 min
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Carter Ace joins the boys and they discuss Rush Hour, Madea, and Michael Jackson while Pat gets a much needed shave!
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Carter Ace joins the boys and they discuss Rush Hour, Madea, and Michael Jackson while Pat gets a much needed shave!
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Published 2026-05-08

WHO'S BAD?

52 min
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Jared let's loose and that's a big mistake. Maybe Pat will ride off into the sunset on a Harley Davidson about it. Regardless the boys are talking Michael and Avengers Doomsday and what to do if a girl is bullying you in school.
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Jared let's loose and that's a big mistake. Maybe Pat will ride off into the sunset on a Harley Davidson about it. Regardless the boys are talking Michael and Avengers Doomsday and what to do if a girl is bullying you in school.
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Published 2026-04-17

BACK TO BACK, BUTT TO BUTT

50 min
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The boys are trapped in the Adirondacks and the only way out is to uhhh... The boys take a trip to Boston where everyone says uhhh... The boys think that all the Juggalos should uhh... Well why don't you tune in and all will be revealed!
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The boys are trapped in the Adirondacks and the only way out is to uhhh... The boys take a trip to Boston where everyone says uhhh... The boys think that all the Juggalos should uhh... Well why don't you tune in and all will be revealed!
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Published 2026-04-10

CONQUER DEMONS, THEN VIBES

52 min
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WE APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING AND WE SERVE NO MASTER. Che Durena is on The Mean Time and Jared and Patrick have been fully stunlocked. I'd like to tell you what was said in this episode but the whole thing feels like a salvia trip and I feel dumber having watched it.
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WE APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING AND WE SERVE NO MASTER. Che Durena is on The Mean Time and Jared and Patrick have been fully stunlocked. I'd like to tell you what was said in this episode but the whole thing feels like a salvia trip and I feel dumber having watched it.
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Published 2026-04-03

BOYZ II MON

51 min
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IT'S SO HAAAAARD TO SAY GOODBYEEEE TO BUTTERFREEEEEEE!!!! Welcome to Jared's newest hyper-fixation and Pat's newest nightmare! Watch the boys try to win over TBS to finally get that show they've been talking about!
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IT'S SO HAAAAARD TO SAY GOODBYEEEE TO BUTTERFREEEEEEE!!!! Welcome to Jared's newest hyper-fixation and Pat's newest nightmare! Watch the boys try to win over TBS to finally get that show they've been talking about!
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Published 2026-03-27

PAT BREAKS JARED

52 min
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(Patreon Shoutout is at 14:45) Well it finally happened. Pat set a swift pace that Jared just couldn't match. Audio listeners I want you to genuinely describe what you think Pat looks like from context clues alone. May God have mercy on your souls.
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(Patreon Shoutout is at 14:45) Well it finally happened. Pat set a swift pace that Jared just couldn't match. Audio listeners I want you to genuinely describe what you think Pat looks like from context clues alone. May God have mercy on your souls.
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Published 2026-03-20

I DON'T SPEAK AMISH

51 min
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Pat does his best cougar impression while Jared recovers from a trip to the emergency room and the recent death of Mark the producer! Tropic Thunder is the greatest movie ever filmed!
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Pat does his best cougar impression while Jared recovers from a trip to the emergency room and the recent death of Mark the producer! Tropic Thunder is the greatest movie ever filmed!
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Published 2026-03-13

I THINK I'VE SEEN YOU ON REELS

49 min
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Stand Up Comedian Wyatt Feegrado AKA Jesus Christ of Nazareth has joined the podcast and shockingly brings up Pokemon before Pat gets a chance! Strap in for a wild ride while the boys talk about Catholicism, Osama Bin Laden, and the difference between LA homeless and San Diego homeless!
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Stand Up Comedian Wyatt Feegrado AKA Jesus Christ of Nazareth has joined the podcast and shockingly brings up Pokemon before Pat gets a chance! Strap in for a wild ride while the boys talk about Catholicism, Osama Bin Laden, and the difference between LA homeless and San Diego homeless!
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Published 2026-03-06

KACHOW

52 min
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GUESS WHO'S BACK BACK BACK, BACK AGAIN GAIN GAIN, JARED'S BACK BACK BACK, TELL A FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND!!! Everyone report to the podcast studio and witness Pat dressed up in a skimpy lil outfit for the second week in a row if you can believe it. You can tell Jared's back because he won't shut up about how we used to live in a society!
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GUESS WHO'S BACK BACK BACK, BACK AGAIN GAIN GAIN, JARED'S BACK BACK BACK, TELL A FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND!!! Everyone report to the podcast studio and witness Pat dressed up in a skimpy lil outfit for the second week in a row if you can believe it. You can tell Jared's back because he won't shut up about how we used to live in a society!
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Gabe and Luke from the podcast TRAPPED ON THE INTERNET join Patrick while Jared is gone! So much check out their show and socials! I'll see ya with another special guest next week!
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Gabe and Luke from the podcast TRAPPED ON THE INTERNET join Patrick while Jared is gone! So much check out their show and socials! I'll see ya with another special guest next week!
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Published 2026-02-13

ANTI-ANCIENT EGYPT

52 min
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Come with us on an adventure from ancient Egypt to Babylon all the way to Macedonia because Jared got it confused with Mesopotamia! We're talkin kinks! We're talkin 9/11! Tony has returned from the dead! WE'RE COMIN AT YA LIVE!
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Come with us on an adventure from ancient Egypt to Babylon all the way to Macedonia because Jared got it confused with Mesopotamia! We're talkin kinks! We're talkin 9/11! Tony has returned from the dead! WE'RE COMIN AT YA LIVE!
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Published 2026-02-06

I'M GONNA BLOW

52 min
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"Belle Delphine sells her bath water one time and now I can't wear sandals!" STRAP IN MEANIES THE DOGS ARE OUT.
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"Belle Delphine sells her bath water one time and now I can't wear sandals!" STRAP IN MEANIES THE DOGS ARE OUT.
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Published 2026-01-30

CHAINED UP CHINESE WEREWOLF

52 min
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Expanding the Mangoose Cinematic Universe, Old Sauce and White Wolf enter the fray! Honestly this one is a bit front loaded A BIT TOP HEAVY you could say. Stick around until the end for a disgustingly sweet message from Jared to his wife!
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Expanding the Mangoose Cinematic Universe, Old Sauce and White Wolf enter the fray! Honestly this one is a bit front loaded A BIT TOP HEAVY you could say. Stick around until the end for a disgustingly sweet message from Jared to his wife!
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Published 2026-01-23

SEAN DA PAUL

52 min
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EARNING OUR PAYCHECKS WITH THIS ONE FOLKS. Hey, you kids remember 2003? I sure hope you do, otherwise none of this is going to make any friggin sense. SLOP IS OUT BY THE WAY AYOOOOOOOO
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EARNING OUR PAYCHECKS WITH THIS ONE FOLKS. Hey, you kids remember 2003? I sure hope you do, otherwise none of this is going to make any friggin sense. SLOP IS OUT BY THE WAY AYOOOOOOOO
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Published 2026-01-16

THE MEAN TIME GIVE YOU WIIINGS

52 min
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Get ready for a RAD and EXTREME TIME here at The Mean Time! Jared goes full Chinese while Pat lurks on the playground and Jaws stomps a fat ollie from the CN Tower! SAIL!
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Get ready for a RAD and EXTREME TIME here at The Mean Time! Jared goes full Chinese while Pat lurks on the playground and Jaws stomps a fat ollie from the CN Tower! SAIL!
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Published 2026-01-09

THE MANGOOSE

52 min
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The Mangoose Rises and the Slop is endless. This city reeks of sin, and somebody is stealing all of the Cobra Converters. Local law enforcement is dragging their feet, slumped over donuts and cold coffee while crime runs rampant. Meanwhile, a hot new song is taking over the city and infecting young minds everywhere. And I'm only one Mangoose.
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The Mangoose Rises and the Slop is endless. This city reeks of sin, and somebody is stealing all of the Cobra Converters. Local law enforcement is dragging their feet, slumped over donuts and cold coffee while crime runs rampant. Meanwhile, a hot new song is taking over the city and infecting young minds everywhere. And I'm only one Mangoose.
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Published 2026-01-02

SIGUSSY WUSSY

52 min
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Welcome back to another episussy of The Mean Tussy! Patrussy and Jarussy talk Avatussy, Matthew McConaughussy, and of course, The New Yussy! Sorry.
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Welcome back to another episussy of The Mean Tussy! Patrussy and Jarussy talk Avatussy, Matthew McConaughussy, and of course, The New Yussy! Sorry.
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Published 2025-12-26

PA RUM PUM PUM PUM

52 min
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HAPPY BOXING DAY FROM THE MEAN TIME TO YOU! This is easily our raunchiest episode yet so apologies to our parents and future children. Unfortunately this episode is so graphic that you'll have to watch with an adult present so go find one, apologize to them as well, and get ready for some uncomfortable glances!
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HAPPY BOXING DAY FROM THE MEAN TIME TO YOU! This is easily our raunchiest episode yet so apologies to our parents and future children. Unfortunately this episode is so graphic that you'll have to watch with an adult present so go find one, apologize to them as well, and get ready for some uncomfortable glances!
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Published 2025-12-20

MATTHEW QURAN-AUGHEY

52 min
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Hey guys, Jared here. Converting to Buddhism is no laughing matter. I'd like to set the record straight by apologizing for my jokes about the Buddha and his teachings, my intention is to spread joy. I cannot, however, speak for Matthew Quran-aughey who seems to be taking advantage of a religion for personal gain. I will devote my time to the studies of the Tripitaka to make up for any offense I may have caused. Thank you and God bless America.
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Hey guys, Jared here. Converting to Buddhism is no laughing matter. I'd like to set the record straight by apologizing for my jokes about the Buddha and his teachings, my intention is to spread joy. I cannot, however, speak for Matthew Quran-aughey who seems to be taking advantage of a religion for personal gain. I will devote my time to the studies of the Tripitaka to make up for any offense I may have caused. Thank you and God bless America.
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Published 2025-12-13

RETURN OF THE PAT

52 min
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PAT IS BACK! Warning: The stunts in this podcast were performed by professionals, so for your safety and the protection of those around you, do not attempt any of the stunts you're about to see. If you're reading this now, comment "We get it Pat, you tour." for an opportunity to hurt Pat's feelings and make yourself feel better.
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PAT IS BACK! Warning: The stunts in this podcast were performed by professionals, so for your safety and the protection of those around you, do not attempt any of the stunts you're about to see. If you're reading this now, comment "We get it Pat, you tour." for an opportunity to hurt Pat's feelings and make yourself feel better.
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Published 2025-12-05

DIVA BLEACH IS TRAPPED IN A DUNGEON

52 min
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We set the record straight on Patrick's thoughts on women as well as Patrick's straightness... Jared and Pat are back together next week LET GO
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We set the record straight on Patrick's thoughts on women as well as Patrick's straightness... Jared and Pat are back together next week LET GO
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Published 2025-11-28

ACTION/ADVENTURE POOPS ON THE FLOOR

52 min
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THE MEAN TIME ON THE ROAD BABYYY! Patrick sits down with his new friends in Action/Adventure. Head on over to YouTube there's a lot of visuals in this one.
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THE MEAN TIME ON THE ROAD BABYYY! Patrick sits down with his new friends in Action/Adventure. Head on over to YouTube there's a lot of visuals in this one.
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Published 2025-11-21

OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD

52 min
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Aunty Koala and Father Time spend their final day together before she tragically boards a United Airlines flight to the land down under. Movie reviews, a terrible birthday experience at a fancy sushi place, and The Redneck Comedy Roundup was unfortunately not enough to get her to stay so we must bid her a doo. A DOO, KOALA!
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Aunty Koala and Father Time spend their final day together before she tragically boards a United Airlines flight to the land down under. Movie reviews, a terrible birthday experience at a fancy sushi place, and The Redneck Comedy Roundup was unfortunately not enough to get her to stay so we must bid her a doo. A DOO, KOALA!
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Published 2025-11-14

¿COMO QUE DICE?

52 min
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¡MI AMOR! Welcome to another episode of...how you say... ¡THE MEAN TIME! We are burning with the intense passion of an oven set to 500 degrees... ¡CELSIUS! Join us for an hour of love and desire while we unravel the mysteries of the heart and watch Chiara get absolutely wasted on video... ¡BIENVENIDOS!
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¡MI AMOR! Welcome to another episode of...how you say... ¡THE MEAN TIME! We are burning with the intense passion of an oven set to 500 degrees... ¡CELSIUS! Join us for an hour of love and desire while we unravel the mysteries of the heart and watch Chiara get absolutely wasted on video... ¡BIENVENIDOS!
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Published 2025-11-07

GIANNA MICHAELS HIGHLIGHT REEL

52 min
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First of all, a big thank you to Bearpunch for hosting us at their beautiful studio, they made us look incredible. Second of all, IT'S KOALA TIME because Chiara is here as a full-fledged-honest-to-goodness-bonafide-chair-sitting-camera-focused-dialogue-having guest. And she has A LOT to say.
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First of all, a big thank you to Bearpunch for hosting us at their beautiful studio, they made us look incredible. Second of all, IT'S KOALA TIME because Chiara is here as a full-fledged-honest-to-goodness-bonafide-chair-sitting-camera-focused-dialogue-having guest. And she has A LOT to say.
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Published 2025-10-31

KYLER BRANTLEIGH AND THE SIGMA WOLVES

52 min
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Jared gets so passionate that his microphone can't even handle the sheer charisma and malfunctions so hard that the whole entire episode sounds crispy crunchy! Happy Halloween, thanks to all of the Patrons who submitted their problems for the advice column, and welcome to the world, Kyler Brantleigh!
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Jared gets so passionate that his microphone can't even handle the sheer charisma and malfunctions so hard that the whole entire episode sounds crispy crunchy! Happy Halloween, thanks to all of the Patrons who submitted their problems for the advice column, and welcome to the world, Kyler Brantleigh!
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Published 2025-10-24

THE BURGER IS OOZING FLUID

52 min
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A very special and interesting and fun episode is coming at you and you think it is very fun and special and interesting. In fact, it may be your favorite episode of this show to date. You will continue to watch this show until instructed otherwise. There is no war in Ba Sing Se.
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A very special and interesting and fun episode is coming at you and you think it is very fun and special and interesting. In fact, it may be your favorite episode of this show to date. You will continue to watch this show until instructed otherwise. There is no war in Ba Sing Se.
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Published 2025-10-17

THE MEAN TIME TURNS HEEL

52 min
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You had it too good for too long, dirtbags. The boys are turning heel and not even MarcTheFrog and his egg collection can save you. Now let's see if we can manage to keep Pat around for another 351 episodes.
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You had it too good for too long, dirtbags. The boys are turning heel and not even MarcTheFrog and his egg collection can save you. Now let's see if we can manage to keep Pat around for another 351 episodes.
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Published 2025-10-10

BANGKOK DANGEROUS

52 min
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WE'RE GOING TO BANGKOK (Sorry Brazil) Welcome to our new temporary podcast space! It's a small box made of glass and felt and there's a guy that walks around looking at us and it's on a busy and trashy Hollywood street and it's actually causing me a lot of stress just to type this out, see you in Thailand.
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WE'RE GOING TO BANGKOK (Sorry Brazil) Welcome to our new temporary podcast space! It's a small box made of glass and felt and there's a guy that walks around looking at us and it's on a busy and trashy Hollywood street and it's actually causing me a lot of stress just to type this out, see you in Thailand.
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Published 2025-10-06

CHERRY CHEESE BRITTANY

52 min
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This one right here goes out to all the baby's mamas' mamas, mamas, mamas, baby mamas' mamas, and the rest of the women all over the world.
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This one right here goes out to all the baby's mamas' mamas, mamas, mamas, baby mamas' mamas, and the rest of the women all over the world.
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Published 2025-09-26

THE AGE OF THE MOOSEMAN

52 min
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Jared is TICKED OFF and Pat doesn't know why. I wonder if it has anything to do with the Mooseman? Regardless, if you go to Jimmy John's, don't shame yourself by getting a pizza sandwich, you're better than that. Instead, help yourself to a fresh bowl of CT Crunch.
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Jared is TICKED OFF and Pat doesn't know why. I wonder if it has anything to do with the Mooseman? Regardless, if you go to Jimmy John's, don't shame yourself by getting a pizza sandwich, you're better than that. Instead, help yourself to a fresh bowl of CT Crunch.
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Published 2025-09-19

GOOOOOOOL!

52 min
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The Mean Time is not responsible for any botched Portuguese because everyone tried real hard and we love Brazil.
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The Mean Time is not responsible for any botched Portuguese because everyone tried real hard and we love Brazil.
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Published 2025-09-12

THUNDERKISSIN'

52 min
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Jared pays his and Pat's rent with more loud obnoxious singing bits in maybe the first fully music-focused episode of a show that was supposed to be about music.
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Jared pays his and Pat's rent with more loud obnoxious singing bits in maybe the first fully music-focused episode of a show that was supposed to be about music.
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Published 2025-09-05

MY BLAQDIK (WITH AARON GILLESPIE)

50 min
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Aaron Gillespie of Underoath kicks it with the boys and talks smack about a few very high profile music industry professionals. However, we decided to cut all of that out to focus on even juicier content...stories about his vasectomy.
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Aaron Gillespie of Underoath kicks it with the boys and talks smack about a few very high profile music industry professionals. However, we decided to cut all of that out to focus on even juicier content...stories about his vasectomy.
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Published 2025-08-29

MAKEOVER TIME

52 min
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A COUPLE OF FRESH AND FINE LOOKIN BOYS HAVE ABDUCTED AND REPLACED OUR HOSTS AND SENT THEM TO THE CHROMITE MINES WHERE THEY WILL LIVE OUT THE REST OF THEIR DAYS IN TORMENT AND EXHAUSTION FOR THEIR VARIOUS CRIMES. New guys look good though.
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A COUPLE OF FRESH AND FINE LOOKIN BOYS HAVE ABDUCTED AND REPLACED OUR HOSTS AND SENT THEM TO THE CHROMITE MINES WHERE THEY WILL LIVE OUT THE REST OF THEIR DAYS IN TORMENT AND EXHAUSTION FOR THEIR VARIOUS CRIMES. New guys look good though.
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Published 2025-08-22

DOUBLE D DAY

52 min
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We took 160,000 rowdy college girls from Miami Beach and through a combined air, land, and sea assault, facilitated the largest amphibious invasion in the history of warfare and put it all on a 3-DVD set that can be yours for only 19.95!
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We took 160,000 rowdy college girls from Miami Beach and through a combined air, land, and sea assault, facilitated the largest amphibious invasion in the history of warfare and put it all on a 3-DVD set that can be yours for only 19.95!
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Published 2025-08-15

THE BALLAD OF CRUSTY RHODES

52 min
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The boys are on one wild ride! Crusty Rhodes makes his in-ring debut against Crick Flair, Olive Garden is serving bottomless AI pasta, and Valjean spills Jared's darkest secrets to Patrick. Enjoy the slop, piggies!
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The boys are on one wild ride! Crusty Rhodes makes his in-ring debut against Crick Flair, Olive Garden is serving bottomless AI pasta, and Valjean spills Jared's darkest secrets to Patrick. Enjoy the slop, piggies!
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Published 2025-08-08

THE GREEN TIME

52 min
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You've heard of The Mean Time. You've even heard of The Jean Time. But this summer... nothing can prepare you for... THE GREEN TIME. Will the madness ever end? When will we wake up from this nightmare? Why did Jared even buy those pants? What occasion calls for pants that green? Tune in and find out!
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You've heard of The Mean Time. You've even heard of The Jean Time. But this summer... nothing can prepare you for... THE GREEN TIME. Will the madness ever end? When will we wake up from this nightmare? Why did Jared even buy those pants? What occasion calls for pants that green? Tune in and find out!
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Published 2025-08-01

THE JEAN TIME

51 min
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We don’t jean to offend anyone with this episode of The Jean Time. We tried to keep this one nice and jean for you guys. Never in our wildest jeans did we ever think we’d get to talk about what we talked about in this one. You can buy all the clothes you see in this episode on Jean.

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We don’t jean to offend anyone with this episode of The Jean Time. We tried to keep this one nice and jean for you guys. Never in our wildest jeans did we ever think we’d get to talk about what we talked about in this one. You can buy all the clothes you see in this episode on Jean.

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Rest in peace to the Oz-Man who was the lead singer of Metallica and who’s biggest song is Bohemian Rhapsody and I apologize for Pat’s lack of knowledge about literally everything in the entirety of the scope of the comprehendible world.

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Rest in peace to the Oz-Man who was the lead singer of Metallica and who’s biggest song is Bohemian Rhapsody and I apologize for Pat’s lack of knowledge about literally everything in the entirety of the scope of the comprehendible world.

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Published 2025-07-18

CRACKHEADS AND CROWS

52 min
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We shot an episode outside because we’re so ambitious. The audio sounds like ass because we wanted to reach for the stars. One camera on the video this week because we wanted to be fun and interesting. Like 7 planes interrupt the flow of conversation because we wanted to do this one outside. Enjoy.

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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We shot an episode outside because we’re so ambitious. The audio sounds like ass because we wanted to reach for the stars. One camera on the video this week because we wanted to be fun and interesting. Like 7 planes interrupt the flow of conversation because we wanted to do this one outside. Enjoy.

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Published 2025-07-11

PAT GOT A GOLDEN TICKET

52 min
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Pat sniffs out an early screening of Superman and meets the cast at a Hollywood red carpet event while Jared weighs himself down on the Go Kart track by eating a whole mess of Tater Tots. Milking NickelJack? Milking MichaelBack?

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Pat sniffs out an early screening of Superman and meets the cast at a Hollywood red carpet event while Jared weighs himself down on the Go Kart track by eating a whole mess of Tater Tots. Milking NickelJack? Milking MichaelBack?

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Published 2025-07-04

GET IN THE BLEACH BATH

52 min
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JAYCE ON THE PODCAST! We’re talking Animorphs, Star Wars, and wait… What’s that at the end of the episode…?

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JAYCE ON THE PODCAST! We’re talking Animorphs, Star Wars, and wait… What’s that at the end of the episode…?

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Published 2025-06-27

ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY

52 min
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Jared and Pat celebrate ONE WHOLE YEAR of the podcast, ONE WHOLE YEAR of fun, and ONE WHOLE YEAR of getting away with stealing babies all around the world!

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Jared and Pat celebrate ONE WHOLE YEAR of the podcast, ONE WHOLE YEAR of fun, and ONE WHOLE YEAR of getting away with stealing babies all around the world!

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Published 2025-06-20

A BADDER VERSION IS COMING

52 min
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Jared watches a bunch of Digimon and then has to eat a slice of humble pie while typing this description because it’s actually really good. Special thanks to JB for having a big funny soundbite once a year!

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Jared watches a bunch of Digimon and then has to eat a slice of humble pie while typing this description because it’s actually really good. Special thanks to JB for having a big funny soundbite once a year!

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Published 2025-06-13

THE JAPANESE SOLUTION

52 min
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Jared had a coffee and Nick is here with a cat and Pat’s nose is HUGE! Also we respond to being posted in the H3H3 subreddit and Jared tells some stories about teenage self-pleasure!

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Jared had a coffee and Nick is here with a cat and Pat’s nose is HUGE! Also we respond to being posted in the H3H3 subreddit and Jared tells some stories about teenage self-pleasure!

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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Published 2025-06-06

WHACKY JACKET

52 min
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The boys take on some serious political topics including the Ukraine War, the ongoing Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, and BONKing their manhood with a cartoon mallet.

The post WHACKY JACKET appeared first on idobi.


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The boys take on some serious political topics including the Ukraine War, the ongoing Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, and BONKing their manhood with a cartoon mallet.

The post WHACKY JACKET appeared first on idobi.


Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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