Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

In this episode we talk with Tom Croat of Missouri Botanical Garden, a world expert on Aroids and the family Araceae. Tom has been to over 130 countries studying this family and the immense amount of diversity in it, including their evolution, ecology, and pollination. We talk on all things Aroids, especially in the neotropics. The video accompanying this is available on the Patreon, www.Patreon.com/crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt

Rants about overpriced museums, crook county, kill your lawn release, Missouri Botanical Garden Aroid Dungeon, getting banned from places of prestige, sweat ceremony, sand endemics of Florida, pissing off prestigious turds in academia, etc.

Lillium Byrd is a Botanist with the Florida Native Plant Society. This conversation took place in a Longleaf Pine Forest while watching fireflies light up the canopy of the trees.

Margaret Behan is an Arapahoe/Cheyenne member of the Native American Church, as well as one of the "13 Indigenous Grandmothers". In this episode we talk about Peyote Religion, people wanting a connection to plants and to the land they live on, hope for the young generations & the future of Lophophora williamsii and its connection to the Native people of North America.

Intro rant is about 25 minutes long.

"Paintbrushes", aka the genus Castilleja, are seemingly everywhere in the Americas, especially in the more arid and montane parts of these continents. Containing 200 species, the genus is highly diverse and broadly distributed, working on the them of being a partial parasites of other plants and producing wildly flamboyant and colorful inflorescences, due in large part to showy bracts that subtend each individual flower.

Mark Egger is a specialist in this genus, and today we talk paintbrushes with him for over an hour - their often confusing flower morphology, their ecology, their diversity, and their pollinators. What are some of the rarest species? What are some of the weirdest? We answer a bunch more questions in this 80 minute long conversation about one of the coolest and most ubiquitous plant genera in North (and South!) America.

Intro is 11:00

Anybody who's spent any time studying or even observing plants in desert or seasonally arid environments is familiar with soil crusts and how bizarre and unique they can be, as well as the role they must be playing in the ecosystem - from providing a nurse substrate for a variety of cactus seedlings to germinate in to stabilizing the soil to adding organic material to what is otherwise rocky terrain to nitrogen fixation. It's an exceptional thing to suddenly realize that the entire ground beneath your feet is actually ALIVE.

In this episode we talk with microbiologist Dr. Corey Nelson about the living soil crusts in arid environments and what the hell is going on with the multiple species of bacteria, fungi, archae and protists involved in this complex community of organisms that thrives where few other things can.

In this episode we rant about pleistocene relict oaks growing on desert sky islands, paintbrush species in the desert, plant communities of the hill country West of Austin, how it's actually not that hard to grow 'Texas" Madrones, how silty sandy loams work great for cactus seedlings, doing CRIME PAYS plant ID classes on Patreon & much more.

Intro is 15:00 long.

Jay LeSoleil is an activist, advocate and one of the two voices behind the F*CKING CANCELLED PODCAST. In this episode of Crime Pays we talk about "cancel culture", the bizarre and deranged ideological path that some elements of modern leftism have taken, 12-step programs, sobriety, identitarianism, how to actually create change, and the effect that social media has had on both left and right wing political movements.

Podcast starts after a 40 minute intro...

Dr. John Clark studies the plant family Gesneriaceae (In the same Order as Salvias, Mints, and Penstemons... Lamiales).

In this podcast we talk about this brilliantly colored often epiphytic tropical plant family and some of the wild sh*t that occurs in it (like poricidal anthers, you say?)...

In this episode we talk with my friend Ron Kaminkow, founding member of Railroad Workers United (www.railroadworkersunited.org) about just what the he11 has happened with North American Railroad Companies in the past five years and what effect it has had on railroad workers, shippers, and more importantly, the general public. We also discuss how the business policy known as "precision scheduled railroading" has given us a glimpse of a very deranged philosophy regarding American business practices and what this could possibly mean for other areas of the American economy.

Check out www.railroadworkersunited.org for updates and more information.

Ricardo Ramirez aka Lizardskinn is a naturalist and photographer who has explored many of the remote areas of Northern Mexico, documenting cactus and reptile diversity with an emphasis on habitat. He has seen and documented many incredibly rare species of plants that most people will never get a chance to see in habitat. He can be found on IG at @lizardskinn

Thumbnail photo by Ricardo Ramirez

*note : when referring to which Sierra Madre is primarily composed of limestone, I stated Sierra Madre occidental (West) when I meant to say Oriental (East). Important to not f*CK this up! Much more volcanic geology than limestone in the West than the East! Sorry for the confusion!

TRIGGER WARNING : This ENTIRE episode is about 40 minutes of inundation in the phenomenon that is the nasally, intensely-obnoxious Chicago accent.

In this episode we do a quick rehash of recent filming of Kill Your Lawn in New Orleans, wrapping up eight episodes. We also discuss the difference between too much paht and a lot of paht, "embracing the swamp" and planting for clay-rich, water-logged soil and some of the species that will thrive in such conditions. We also discuss the leg wear known as Zubas, Mardi Gras parades, the Legendary Locomotive Engineer known as "The Commodore" of the Oakland Terminal and more.

Roger Peet is an artist, printmaker, organizer, & naturalist. IG = @toosphexy

Link Page/store for ordering prints :
https://toosphexy.carrd.co/?fbclid=PAAaaRBHW1j1gc6TJgIdRdjPOudw6KjimonyoNXCYGe_GH-vS1S5iiwbz_IYI

Episodes can be listened to ad-free on the Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/CrimePaysButBotanyDoesnt

In this episode we talk about being in "the fitness center of da mind" as a goal of enlightenment, attending a peyote ceremony, being woo-ed to sleep by nightjars and woken up by kiskadees, foaming out over the rare Esenbeckia berlandieri (Rutaceae) of South Texas, creating habitat after you kill your lawn, what's it's like to live in an autoslum (daht cahm), and how to get more Americans enjoying the native plants of their local ecology.

In this episode of Crime Pays we talk with Dr Scott Zona, author of a seminal new book on beginner's Botany ("A Gardener's Guide to Botany") about plants chemical defenses, night blooming plants, cyanide in plants, the bizarre weirdos that are Cycads, and much more.

The beautiful bark of Poison Wood, "What the sh*t is a Hardwood Hammock?", Swamp Walking, Epiphytism, KILL YOUR LAWN, Corraloid roots and why nitrogen-fiing cyanobacteria need them, Tillandsia dungeon inside a cypress dome, OOOOOOOlitic Limestone, why roots splay out and crawl along the surface (ie they're growing on bare rock and don't have soil to sink into), Silver Palms (Coccothrinax argentata), Photosynthetic roots of epiphytic orchids, etc.

An hour talk with Lilium Byrd about Florida Native Plants, rants about the ecological wreckage of South Florida, Hardwood Hammocks, Pine Rocklands, Florida Scrub Jays, & the cultural cesspool. We also talk about trying to cultivate native plant movements as a means of keeping down the figurative puke, why there aren't more native plant nurseries down here, and what it's like to get a rash from Metopium toxiferum.

In this episode we hear a series of rants about the hideous living-concertina-wire that is Pyracantha, the Western Interior Seaway (RIP) and theamy fossils it produced in the Cretaceous limestone of Western North America, why shallow oceans produce more fossils than deep ones, permaculture projects in the desert, the coolest birding shirt ever made, dosing a botany conference, and more deranged and disjointed ranting then you can throw an Inoceramus fossil at.

In this episode we spend two hours ranting about the Flora of Tasmania and why it acts like a time capsule for the relictual flora of Antarctica, tree-like Senecios, the genus Richea and the bizarre floral trait known as an operculum, the taxonomic circumscription of the family Myrtaceae, the act of ruining Christmas, terrestrial orchids mimicking female wasps in order to get pollinated, and more.

To cut to the chase and skip the intro go to minute 45:00.

In this episode Matt Berger and I talk about Tasmanian Botany and filming Tasmanian endemics, the Paleoendemism of the West half of Tasmania vs. the mainland Australian floristic affinities of the East.

In this episode we talk all things Tasmanian Botany, on an island notab for being home to Gondwanan relict plants that provide us a glimpse of what parts of the Antarctic continent may have looked like 30 million years ago before it froze over. Nothofagus, Athrotaxis, Deceptive Orchids with a Pollination Hustle, and the world's tallest Flowering Plant all get mentioned here in this two hour conversation with the curator of botany at the Tasmanian Herbarium, Miguel de Salas.

In this episode we talk with the mycologist and notoriously kind human being Alan Rockefeller about mycology, Psilocybe diversity, getting people interested in biodiversity & the biosphere, turning a sedan into a DNA lab, teaching cops about fungal diversity (against their own will as unintentional pupils), and how to teach yourself mycology. This episode is ad-free on the Crime Pays Patreon.

In this episode we talk with a gentleman who cultivates Peyote for the Native American Church. We discuss his efforts to protect wild populations of the plant by teaching NAC members to grow the plant from seed as a form of ex-situ conservation and to ensure that the species will be available for indigenous use despite declining populations in habitat and declining harvests among the Peyoteros.

Ex-situ cultivation of Lophophora williamsii - Peyote - is a means of preserving it for use by the Native American Church.

As many botanists in the US and Mexico who study Chihuahua Desert ecology already know - populations of the plant in habitat are declining due to poaching - and to a greater extent - land clearance.

Leonardo aka "The Peyote Lorax" informs us of his cultivation methods, his history with the plant, and the ceremonial use of the plant by indigenous peoples of North America for the past 6,000 years. We talk about his work with the Morningstar Conservancy, his efforts to teach his fellow indigenous users of Peyote how to establish and grow Peyote in states like Arizona and New Mexico where the plant is not native but where it can be grown in the ground with winter protection, etc.

This was a great conversation and I'm thankful to Leo for making it happen.

Your continuing support helps enable this podcast.

In this episode we talk with well-known chemist and journalist Hamilton Morris about a variety of topics, including the current status of Psychedelic legalization, Ibogaine (Tabernanthe iboga, Apocynaceae) ethnobotany, chemical synapomorphies of plants, Salvia divinorum, understanding organic chemistry, understanding the evolution of secondary metabolites of plants, and more.

Thanks to Hamilton Morris for editing this and cleaning it up so the sound quality wasn't as rough as my original recording. Please support him and the work he's doing by joining his Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/HamiltonMorris

Your contributions - as well as your tolerance for the shitty ads that occur during it - help support this podcast. Thank you

In this episode we have a 2 hour conversation with Alexis Nicole, aka Black Forager about everything from how she got started learning to use wild plants as food to Eastern Forest Biomes to botanizing the rustbelt.

In this episode we discuss flowering West Texas Peyote populations, riding freight trains through Winslow Arizona, keying out species using a Flora, what the shit is allele frequency and what are species concepts, Chihuahua Desert blooms, getting picked up hitch-hiking by drunk nutjobs, keying out microcharacters in herbarium specimens, Desert Blazing stars, Remembering the Western Interior Seaway, and more, all on a series of long winding disjointed rants.

In this episode, we rant about creepy lights in the sky and Elon Musk, the Conflict Algorithm (™), creating habitat in your ugly front yard, Sticky Plants in San Diego County, Montezuma Cypress in Central Texas, making love to Tucker Carlson's Neckfat, doin' PAHT with Al Scorch, Fall Blooming Composites, etc

In this episode we rant about the horror of common Southern California horticultural atrocities, having cholla branches thrown at you, the burgeoning native plant movement and convincing home owners to kill their stupid lawns, the endangered Baja Birdbush, Ornithostaphylos oppositifolia, Tecate Cypress, Gabbro soils, eating Psychedelics in the Colorado (Sonoran) Desert, and more.

Intro sound from the Cactus Forests of Puebla. Covid Party. Rants against Reagan. Causing a scene at the American Museum of Natural History. Perpetually Scowling White Women. Ecology of Hydrothermal Vents, etc

Endemic to the Americas (save for one species), the Bromeliad Family occupies almost all the ecological niches & environments that a plant family can - Tropical Rainforests, Deserts, the Alpine Zone, Mesic Forests.

In this Episode We speak with Tom Givnish, an expert in the Family Bromeliaceae who has done extensive fieldwork and research studying these plants in the diversity of habitats in which they grow. This episode is akin to a plant systematics class on this extremely cool group of plants.

Initial intro rant is 12 minutes and rambles on about the Prednisone worsening ADD, getting smacked in the face with Poison Ivy while filming magic mushrooms in Mexico etc.

A conversation with Dr. Lucas Majure from Florida Natural History Museum about evolution in the Cactus Family, Hummingbird-Pollinated Tree Prickly Pears, why one genus of Cactus wears a damn Fez (just like the shriners), the subtle nuances of Dogtooth Karst, Weird-Ass plants from Cuba that only grow on a certain soil type, and much more.

A two hour rant about the incredible Cactus Forests of Southern Mexico, the Cloud Forests of Oaxaca, Cool Customs Agents, Drying Herbarium Sheets witta blowdryer nice, Fleabag Hotels, and much more.

In this episode, recorded in the cloud forests of Oaxaca, we discuss the entheome project, which centers around genome sequencing of entheogens as well as many of their sympatric species of fungi, plants and microbes that also grow in the ecosystems these entheogens are native to. We talk about democratizing science and DNA sequencing, and we talk about what some practical applications of this science are and how to make it accessible to people who DON'T want to take out 150 grand in student loans in order to learn it.

Out of Huntsville, Alabama, Kyle Lybarger is an advocate for native plants, ecosystems and for getting people to see things that they might otherwise overlook. Kyle runs the Native Habitat Project which encourages people to consider doing things a little differently in the realm of land management than the ways that they've been doing things for too long.

I've admired this guy's work for a while and I love what he's doing so I figured we'd sit down and have a two hour conversation about everything from growing native plants, collecting seed, discovering species once thought extinct and having a reverence and awareness for the land, for the plants and for the life that depends on them.

Chicago Meditative Cassette Tape Intro by AL Scorch.

In this episode we talk about using transgenic technology to fight the invasive pathogenic fungus that has decimated the American Chestnut tree and made it functionally extinct in the region where it was once a cornerstone of the ecosystem. We also get into the weeds regarding chestnut flower morphology, pollination and evolution and why it's such a f*cking incredible species.

In this episode (after a 35 minute rambling rant about West Texas Archaeology, the joy of holding 31,000 year old ground sloth shit, obscure Chihuahua Desert Sunflowers, and rich freaks, we talk with Dr. Eric Lopresti about sticky plants and the evolution and adaptive benefits of glandular-ass trichomes in plants, namely the genus Abronia (sand verbena) and the flower structure of the Bougainvillea Family, Nyctaginaceae.

In this episode we discuss the glory of lawn killing, using a fake name at the ER since our Healthcare system sucks, facilitating the use of an auger for installing native plant gardens, and a whole other series of rants.

In this episode we talk about the long lost population of Euphorbia antisyphylitica, thornscrub getting destroyed for a solar farm, moth pollination and night blooming plants in the Chihuahua Desert, and the Catholic Materialism Death Cult of South Texas.

After a thirty minute rant about how the epic desert crucifixion thorn (one of the 6 different plants with that annoying common name), Holacantha stewartii needs to be placed in the genus Castela (Majure, 2022) among other topics, we talk with legendary West Texas Botanist and Horticulturalist Patti Manning about growing desert plants and cultivating native plant gardens.

Rambling intro ends at 47:00, Conversation about Velcro Leaf Family Loasaceae begins at 48:00.

Intro ends and conversation starts at 43:00.
My guest today is Joe Ben Walker from the indigenous peyote conservation initiative and we talk all things peyote in South Texas. We discussed the Peyotero System, How licenses are monitored, how the DEA keeps track of licenses, how habitat is being severely threatened and destroyed by land clearance, and how peyote came into use among modern Indigenous Americans (not just the tribes that lived where Peyote grew). This was a very enlightening conversation and one that needs to be listened to by anybody interested in the long term conservation of this threatened plant.

A Conversation with Dr. Stacy Smith from University of Colorado Boulder about the genus Iochroma and Plant Evolution. A 24 minute intro followed by 90 minutes of talk about evolution, selection pressures and why plants evolve the way they do. I haven't had this much fun on a conversation in a while.

In this episode we talk Northern Mexican Botany with the wonderful Carlos Velazco, author of numerous papers describing the floristic relationships of Northern Mexican Plants as well as the Nuevo León field guide to plants. The last thirty minutes we spend talking about the discovery of the incredibly cool and bizarre cactus, Astrophytum (Digitostigma) Caput-medusae.
 

A long rant about Namibian Botany, Dark Humor, Myrothamnus flabellifolius the resurrection plant, Welwitschia habitat etc.

One long rant about Nuevo Leon plant communities, gypsum endemics, cactus poaching, high elevation "sky islands", Mall Security Guards at US Customs, Herbarium vouchers, etc

In this episode we talk with Kerry Knudsen, a  blue-collar-construction-worker turned lichenologist. We spend a good first half of the podcast talking lichens and the last half of the podcast talking philosophy, and why it's important to be aware of -  if not at least occasionally immerse yourself in -  the non-human world known as "the rest of the biosphere (for chrissakes)".

In this episode we discuss the rare and endangered Texas Almond, a sand endemic. We also discuss the trough urinal at Taqueria Jalisco by the Pilot Station in Falfurrias, whether Tetragonotheca rrpanda can be grown in West Texas, and being kicked in the groin for exuding "forced-positivity".

In this episode we talk about the notorious Bristol Mountains Buckwheat which is still formally undescribed despite being known of for a decade and a half. We also talked about limestone geology of the Mojave Desert as well as why people should kill their lawns and why we should film a show about it. This episode also contains a cut at the hilarious Rod Blagojevich Cameo regarding the brad nailer and the $40 for pizza.