Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't

Generic Recombination is the means through which mutations (and evolution/speciation /phenotypic variation) occur, leading to changes in an organism's adaptation to and tolerance of its environment. In flowering plants, meiosis occurs in megaspore mother cells (in ovules aka seeds) and in microspore mother cells (in pollen grains that are produced within the anthers).  A pollen grain then lands on a stigma and germinates, fertilizing an ovule and producing a seed (which is a new and different genetic individual). In fungi, it's a bit different - and a lot weirder. In this episode we explore how it's different and how it happens.

A ninety minute conversation just scratching the surface of the bizarre-ass phenomenon of lichens, with Matt Berger aka Sheriff Woody. This is a talk about fungi enslaving/farming algae and cyanobacteria and the extremely weird shit that these symbionts can do, occupying some of the harshest terrain - hot or cold - on planet Earth. If you don't find this conversation fascinating you're a dick.

In this episode we listen to a 50 minute rant about peyote conservation in South Texas, the importance of the hundredth Meridian and the humidity differential and the differences in habitat it causes, as well as what the hell a Perithecium is and some of the vertical-rock-wall cacti of Nuevo León.

The family Fabaceae is one of the most ecologically successful and diverse plant families in the world, especially in arid and subtropical regions. In this episode we talk Legumes - their ecology, floral morphology and evolution - with Marty Wojciechowski at ASU. We talk about the 50kb inversion, psychoactive and poisonous secondary chemistry, subfamily classifications elucidated by molecular phylogenetics, how mimosoids lack Rhizobium root affiliations (bummer) and a bunch more interesting sh#t. Plant in the thumbnail photo is Schotia afra.

In this episode we talk with Tom Givnish, a well-known research botanist at UW Madison about a diverse number of topics including plants that can completely dry out and not die, how orchids came to be the most diverse and largest plant family on Earth, what my dad's mafioso cousin has in common with achlorophyllous,non-photosynthetic plants and Tepuis in Venezuela, among about other twelve other fascinating topics.

After a 40 minute opening rant, we explore the nuances of the Orchid Family - the most species-rich and diverse family of flowering plants, and we touch on a few of the things that make this family so ecologically successful. This is a good crash course for anybody interested in learning about this plant family and understanding the differences between the five subfamilies Apostasioideae, Vanilloideae, Cypripedioideae, Orchidoideae and the largest subfamily of them all - Epidendroideae.

In this episode we rant about Asclepias prostrata, the rare and elusive prostrate milkweed of South Texas Thornscrub, as well as obscure subfamilies of the Legume Family, Cops & Dildos, and Old Peyotes. What exactly does the New Legume Phylogeny Working Group DO at their annual Pea Dungeon meet-up? Also, "why you gotta do dat"?

Jahan Khamsehzadeh, Ph.D. is a psychedelic therapist who's been actively conducting legal, guided Psilocybin sessions in Jamaica for the past 4 years. He's trained within the Mazatec mushroom tradition and mentored for a year at the Center for Consciousness Medicine comprehensive guide program. He's also done workshops with the San Francisco Psychedelic Society. 
 
He has authored a book due out in April entitled "The Psilocybin Connection : Psychedelics, the Transformation of Consciousness, and Evolution on the Planet - An Integral Approach". For more information, visits Jahan's website at www.PsychedelicEvolution.org
 
For more information on Psilocybin Therapy, visit the website www.psilohealth.co
 
For MDMA information and test kits visit the website www.dancesafe.org
 
For more information on current legal status and research regarding psychedelic therapy, look up Rick Doblin or visit his website at www.maps.org
 

Intro music by etsywitch.
In this episode we discuss the ever-annoying American culture war and then move on to the science behind mRNA vaccine technology and why viruses are so cool in regards to watching evolution in action (vaccines themselves will act as a selection pressure on viruses, but can the viruses cope and evolve or will they become extinct? Tengo miedo! ).
 
We talk about the history of this technology and just what the hell "mRNA" is and how you can pick it up at jewel-osco along with your ipass for the Illinois toll roads nice. This is a great conversation and hopefully people are inspired to spend a little less time looking at pictures of asses and food on their smartphones and instead spend a couple minutes or more reading about genomics. GFY Bye 😘

Note : Interview starts around minute 24:00
Recording quality on first 9 minutes of interview is lousy but improves after there after so sit still and wait it out ya schmuck.
 
The sunflower family, Asteraceae, does some wild things - morphologically, evolutionarily and ecologically speaking - in the Southern Part of the African continent, especially in the tribes Calenduleae (think trichomes & stinky, oily glands), Gnaphalieae (paper daisies), and Arctotideae (the infamous "beetle daisies"). 
 
In this episode, I speak with Nicola Bergh, the curator for the family Asteraceae at the Compton Herbarium at Kirstenbosch Botanic Garden in Cape Town, to explore just what the hell has gone on with this family in the evolutionary past and how various tribes and subfamilies have dispersed and radiated in Southern Africa.

In this episode we spend 150 minutes talking with David Gwynne-Evans covering some of the epic highlights of the Cape Floristic Region's Flora. Even if you are unaware of, oblivious to, or disinterested in this region of South Africa's plant life you will find this episode interesting. The whole landscape of this region is like a giant plant Evolution class and we cover multiple topics letter of interest to anyone who's fascinated by the ecology and evolution of Earth's plant life.

Mike Brodie is a photographer, truck driver, artist, freight train rider, and diesel mechanic. In this episode we sit down with him to talk about modern American culture, youth subcultures, travel, and the human condition.
 

In this episode we talk about some of the plant families found in South Africa and the ecological success of the Mesembryanthemaceae, as well as what the hell is going on with the mess of valvate tepals, adnate anthers, and pollen presenters that is a Protea flowerhead...but first, we dapple 20 minutes of cultural observations into the mix.

One long disjointed rant between three filthy botanists covering the past three weeks of botanic surveys/rectal exams in the Northern and Western Cape Provinces of South Africa.

In this episode we talk with Chris Pires, Chief Science Officer at the New York Botanic Garden, about the taxonomic clusterf*ck that is the order Asparagales - the order of the Iris Family, the Orchid Family, the Agave Family, the Onion/Amaryllis Family, and many more obscure families located on distant and disjunct parts of the world. We also talk about how analyzing DNA made it possible to sort out this mess as well as where the larger clade of Monocots themselves fits into the flowering plant tree of life. Disjointed ranting in this episode notably comes AFTER the podcast guess to make it easier for those who might just be interested primarily in the subject of today's episode.

Today's episode is inspired by the bRaVE individuals (all of us) who participated in the massive back-and-forth online shitposting last week regarding the inherent colonialism of using the binomial naming system of taxonomy, plant systematics and the study of evolutionary relationships among plant taxa.
This episode sponsored by Decolonial Colon Cleanse, the at-home kit for decolonizing Colo-rectal and gastrointestinal issues. Order online at www.DecolonialRectum.com

In this episode we speak with Peter Raven, former director of the Missouri Botanical Garden, about our current understanding of the rise of angiosperms and what the floristic landscape may have looked like prior to their appearance in the fossil record.

A criminally underrated state for rare plants and plant ecology, Wyoming has a number of rare taxa and bizarre habitats. In this episode we talk with a botanist who spent twenty years in the state documenting, inventorying and becoming acquainted with the flora in the high deserts and alpine plant communities. We speak specifically about the Yellowstone Abronia, Abronia ammophila; the Blowout Penstemon, Penstemon haydenii; and the Desert Yellowhead, Yermo xanthocephalus, as well as about conservation, climate change and Western Botany in general.

Plants that grow on sinter (silica) and travertine (calcium carbonate) deposits of hot springs, a really bizarre  central Wyoming endemic known from only two locations (Yermo xanthocephalus) whose closest relatives occur in the prairies of the Midwest, and many other topics plus the usual 90 minutes of unattenuated disjointed ranting.

In this episode we have an hour long conversation with Matt Berger about a loop "trail" (there actually was no trail save for that created by wild horses) created through the mountain ranges of the Great Basin in Central Nevada and the plans seen along the way along with information on how anybody can do these long-distance hikes (especially when everything else in life has gone to shit).
Follow Matt on Instagram @sheriff_woody_pct and on Inaturalist via username Sheriff_Woody_PCT

This episode begins with a 56 minute rant concerning the crime spree caused by the meeting of the Eriogonum Society in Elko, Nevada, followed by rants on the silica "sinter" deposits occurring throughout Nothern Nevada as a result of the intermittent series of hot springs and geothermal activity, which are in turn a result of the extensional tectonics and the fact that Reno and Salt Lake City are moving away from each other and the crust is stretching and thinning. The last seven minutes before our conversation with Ben Grady starts include a rant on illegal squatted gardens and how activists and anarchists tend to consistently be some of the cheapest people on the planet.

In this episode we speak with Bruce Baldwin about sequencing the DNA of plants to understand how closely we're distantly related they are and how they have evolved. At least an initial understanding, no matter how small, of how DNA is structured will help you understand this podcast but is not necessary. The first 40 minutes are just ranting anyway.
 
Your contributions support this content. To support Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't, consider donating a few bucks to the venmo account "societyishell" or the PayPal account email crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt@gmail.com...
 
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Buy some CPBBD merch (shirts, hats, hoodies n' what the shit) available for sale at :
 
https://www.bonfire.com/store/crime-pays-but-botany-doesnt/
 
To purchase stickers, venmo twelve bucks to "societyishell" and leave your address in the comments. 
 
Plants ID questions or reading list suggestions can be sent to crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt@gmail.com 
 
Thanks, GFY.

In this episode we speak with Darin Penneys, Ph.D about his work with an incredibly diverse plant family that few in the temperate zones are familiar with - Melastomataceae. I first fell in love with this family when seeing some of the incredible diversity that it showed in the cloud forest of the Dominican Republic, and upon further inspection became enormously enamored and fascinated with it, and you should too, you prick. From an ecological and evolutionary standpoint this family in the same order as guava and eucalyptus will blow your mind, so get into it.

In this episode of Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't we talk with Naomi Fraga about the devastation to be imposed on 90% of a rare plant's population and the mining company sleaze bags who are trying to greenwash it. We also talk about the BLM whistleblower who first brought attention to the mining company's attempts to circumvent environmental impact reports as well as the vandalism and subsequent rodent damage that occurred at this plant's population last year. Joey also rants about the first time he saw someone shoot heroin on the west side of Chicago in 1997. Within the first 20 minutes of the podcast Joey mentions the numerous arrests that have taken place at the Eriogonum Society's meetings due to its members' penchants for violence and street-fighting. We also discuss the first time that the Eriogonum Society was banned (for life) from Tejon Ranch for raising a gripe about their planned luxury housing development for the spiritually incompetent.

In this episode we talk about milkweed plants that dupe kleptoparasitic flies into pollinating them, greenhouses and conservatories as bastions of ex-situ conservation, floral mimicry and bat pollination among members of the coffee family, and why customer service is a psychological experiment in human torture.

In this episode we speak with Dr. Jason Slot, Associate Professor at Ohio State University, who is a mycologist currently studying the evolution of psilocybin production in Fungi. The last half hour of the conversation focuses largely on mycorrhizal fungi. Some fascinating stuff in this conversation. For more info or to read more about the evolution and genomics of entheogens, check out : www.entheome.org

Psilocybin Therapy, Woody tells us about Apiaceous endemics of the high desert, Damon Tighe tells us about observing fungi and insects and sexually transmitted ladybug diseases, growing oyster mushrooms on everything, and studying weordarine organisms of Lake Merritt.

In this episode we ramble about a rare Northern California Cypress species known only from twelve populations and figure out just what the hell that spot on the map that says "Research Natural Area" means, with a bit of insight from Julie Kierstead, former Forest Service Botanist for the Shasta-Trinity National Forest who has identified 5 "new" species in Northern California which were previously unknown to science.

A 2 hour conversation with one of the most prominent botanists of the 20th Century, Peter Raven, in anticipation of his new autobiography, Driven By Nature.

Jeremy Spath has spent the past twenty years growing - and propagating from tissue culture - species in the genus Agave. He's traveled throughout Mexico in all kinds of habitats - from desert scrub to subtropical cloud forest - exploring the variations that evolution and environment have crafted from these botanical masterpieces of rosulate geometry. In this episode we shoot the shit about all things Agave, including habitat, tissue culture, hybridizing them, in the subtle nuance of leaf margin, leaf blade, spines, and teeth.

Two hours of rambling conversations about Desert Brassicas, West Texas Cryptic Cacti, Dust Storms, Pollinator Poisoning via Agriculture, Al Scorch personal injury lawsuit scams, etc.

Rants about hating Ted Cruz, Pine Forests of Hispaniola, Watching Plants Melt during the Texas Blackouts, etc

Recorded in the Dominican Republic while exploring Dogtooth Limestone Karst formations and contracting urushiol-induced atopic dermatitis, here we rant about the endemic Flora of the Dominican Republic, why Dominicans drive like maniacs and why it's  comforting. We talk high elevation neotropical cloud forests with the climate of Northern Coastal California, we talk low elevation coastal plain tree cacti and getting stung by cool endemic wasps.

Listen to 80 minute rant on Ericoid roots and fungal symbiosis with a guest appearance by Peter Bernhardt. We also briefly talk about the germination of orchid seeds, the huge importance and understudy of the Fungal Division Glomeromycota, and why a moron would spend 4 grand to get his truck lifted.

Michael Simpson is a Professor Emeritus of Botany who is the Author of one of the best textbooks available on the evolutionary history, grouping and Identification of plant species - Plant Systematics. 
 
Taxonomy, Evolution, & Diversity of Plants on Earth? What are phylogenetics? What is a "biogeography dungeon" and why is it fascinating as shit to be trapped inside? What causes one to go down a wormhole of obsession with the various forms that plants can take?

Dr. Robert Madden is a geologist and teacher based out of Perth, Western Australia.

Rants on the wonders of plant evolution, ecotypes, speciation, and whether an awareness and fascination with such could have prevented some members of the mayonnaise militia from being radicalized. Plenty of book recommendations and other disjointed rants.

Linda Niemann is an author, ex-railroader/brakeman and former English professor at Kennesaw State University. She is the author of the books Boomer, Railroad Voices, Railroad Noir and Cosas: Folk Art Travel in Mexico.

Rants on Cactus Phylogeny, Teddy Bear Cholla, Neobuxbaumia Dungeons of Oaxaca, transporting plants in storage bins, over-crowded hiking/wilderness areas, how idiotic the word "natural" is, crazy cat ladies and cat colonies on ecologically-sensitive public lands, and how Great Basin National Park is declaring a war on Christmas by refusing to string lights up on Pinus longaeva, as heard through the voice of Jerry Woznowski.

A fascinating and educational 68 minutes that breaks down the mechanisms of California's weather and where it might be headed in the future.

Rants about California Dystopia, Proper Seed Collection, Drought, Butano Cypress (biogeography rant), etc

A conversation with my friend the Professor and Author Dr. Peter Bernhardt about the floral morphology of many of Australia's incredible terrestrial orchids and members of the ancient angiosperm family, Proteaceae. Two hours of un-edited conversation about some the strangest plants in the Southern Hemisphere.

A 2 hour conversation with Michael Eason about Texas Flora. Michael Eason is a botanist, author, photographer, and Texan.

From West Texas to the Mojave the entire Southwest is in a drought in mid November of 2020 oh, but that does not stop us from doing some vegetative botany and fucking around with the wonders of the volcanic rock known as rhyolite, builder of numerous desert mountains,you prick.

Long disjointed rants on native plants of South Texas, plant propagation, rescuing cacti that are in the path of the proposed border wall, ppeyote gardens, indigo snakes, Etc

(Re-upload because the first file was corrupted and cut out at 3 min...) 
Probably the episode I'm most excited about so far - a talk with the kind, humble and brilliant Bruce Baldwin, an expert in the largest (second in number of species only  to the Orchid Family) and most ecologically successful plant family in the world, the Asteraceae, also known as "composites" because of their composite flowerheads, consisting of many tiny "florets" (which are the true flowers).
 
We cover a lot of stuff here, and the last five minutes of the episode seem to wrap up a potential answer to the modern human predicament that we're in. But prior to that, we of course cover the incredible ecology and evolution (and genetics!) of the most successful plant family on Planet Earth.
 
 
 
 
Photo in the thumbnail is one of the "dinosaur sunflowers", Leucheria runcinata, from the High Andes of Chile.

2 hrs of conversation about Adaptive Radiation, Hawaiian Lobeliads, & Calochortus Evolution

East Texas botany, Ft Worth Botanic Garden /Home Depot Garden Center, Longleaf Pine Forest, Rio Grande Valley Border Patrol Sleaze, Limestone Dry Prairie Endemics, Complaining about the heat, etc.

PSA - your donations enable this here content. If you can throw a couple bucks to venmo address "societyishell", I would appreciate the hell out of it. The tank is running low at the moment and could use some re-ups. 
In this episode, CPBBD traverses 20 degrees of latitude to bring you lognwinded rants on the following topics :
-stromatolites
-banded Iron formations & the Great Oxygenation Event of the Proterozoic 
-Michigan Serpentine 
-"conservative species" and the Floristic Quality Assessment
-Silphium albiflorum
and much more. 
 
Feel free to email crimepaysbutbotanydoesnt@gmail.com with plant ID questions and reading recommendations, fuckface. 
 

A brief week-long trip East after fleeing the state of California (which is all on fire again) brings us into contact with a cast of prairie species and the unique nature of the Ambrosia dungeon (subtribe Ambrosiinae of the Heliantheae tribe of the Asteroideae Subfamily of the Composites) as well as some monster feral Cannabis plants, along with an exposé of the increasingly polarized and anti-intellectual, shit-for-brains nature of the modern American cultural hellscape ™.