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Brave Love Great Sex – Couples Therapy Podcast

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Couples podcast to help committed couples keep it hot! Find hope to keep your marriage and committed relationships emotionally connected and sexually erotic. Certified sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson is joined by global leader in couples therapy - George Faller, LMFT for an expert, frank and fascinating conversation about sex, love, therapy, relationship dynamics, healthy couples and marriage. We discuss everything from best sexual techniques and solving sexual problems, to building the emotional intimacy necessary for great sex in your relationship! Two therapists bring you sound, concrete tools to reframe your relationship problems and learn how to fall in-love again, rebuild trust, and feel desire. Subscribe to us today! Check out our sponsors! Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Couples podcast to help committed couples keep it hot! Find hope to keep your marriage and committed relationships emotionally connected and sexually erotic. Certified sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson is joined by global leader in couples therapy - George Faller, LMFT for an expert, frank and fascinating conversation about sex, love, therapy, relationship dynamics, healthy couples and marriage. We discuss everything from best sexual techniques and solving sexual problems, to building the emotional intimacy necessary for great sex in your relationship! Two therapists bring you sound, concrete tools to reframe your relationship problems and learn how to fall in-love again, rebuild trust, and feel desire. Subscribe to us today! Check out our sponsors! Foria Wellness -- try their excellent sex oils! Their Awaken Arousal and Sex Oil are excellent for enhancing a woman's orgasm! Try it and see! Use the link Foria or use the code 'foreplay' and get 20% off your order! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Published 2022-07-29

346: Sex--Hit or Miss?

33 min
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Sometimes sex is awesome; sometimes not. This episode shows you how to turn up the heat when it's not!


Thanks to our sponsors:

BetterHelp.com/Foreplay for 10% off your first month!

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Sometimes sex is awesome; sometimes not. This episode shows you how to turn up the heat when it's not!


Thanks to our sponsors:

BetterHelp.com/Foreplay for 10% off your first month!

Uberlube.com - Foreplay rated as the best lubricant! Use the coupon for 10% off!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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She needs more foreplay and he doesn’t wanna lose his erection. Women need a slow patter of arousal to reach the best climax. Men when they’re on sildenafil (viagra, etc.) need to use their erection - soon. This is a familiar dilemma for couples in their 50s. George and Laurie role-play a couple who learns how to talk about this problem.


Check out our great sponsors:

Foriawellness.com/foreplay or use the code foreplay at checkout for 20% off your first order! These oils help improve your orgasm ladies...You'll thank me later!

North Texas EFT -- If you are a psychotherapist, come down to Texas to have face-to-face training time with George and Laurie as they train about sex and attachment.

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She needs more foreplay and he doesn’t wanna lose his erection. Women need a slow patter of arousal to reach the best climax. Men when they’re on sildenafil (viagra, etc.) need to use their erection - soon. This is a familiar dilemma for couples in their 50s. George and Laurie role-play a couple who learns how to talk about this problem.


Check out our great sponsors:

Foriawellness.com/foreplay or use the code foreplay at checkout for 20% off your first order! These oils help improve your orgasm ladies...You'll thank me later!

North Texas EFT -- If you are a psychotherapist, come down to Texas to have face-to-face training time with George and Laurie as they train about sex and attachment.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Libido is shared between the couple. The pursuer afraid of being rejected, almost starts every initiation with an edge of criticism. So the sexual moment starts the partner off without even being given much of a chance at feeling desire. In our case example, she’s not turned on because she hears the edge and then she’s blamed. 

On the flip side is a lack of engagement. The withdrawer can nearly erase the whole idea of sex because it’s safer. But unfortunately this sends the purser a message that they don’t care.

And send the pursuer the whole responsibility for the sexual relationship.


Thanks to our sponsors:

Uberlube.com

Uberlube.com with the coupon Foreplay for the slipperiest, safest silicone lubricant I've been recommending for 2 decades!


For delicious tasting, convenient meals go to GreenChef.com/foreplay135 for the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well and $135 off the first 5 meals! Delicious!


Dameproducts.com and enter code FOREPLAY today for 15% off site for Aer -- the suction vibrator and their hands-free couple toy Eva! Keep it hot baby!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

More description

Libido is shared between the couple. The pursuer afraid of being rejected, almost starts every initiation with an edge of criticism. So the sexual moment starts the partner off without even being given much of a chance at feeling desire. In our case example, she’s not turned on because she hears the edge and then she’s blamed. 

On the flip side is a lack of engagement. The withdrawer can nearly erase the whole idea of sex because it’s safer. But unfortunately this sends the purser a message that they don’t care.

And send the pursuer the whole responsibility for the sexual relationship.


Thanks to our sponsors:

Uberlube.com

Uberlube.com with the coupon Foreplay for the slipperiest, safest silicone lubricant I've been recommending for 2 decades!


For delicious tasting, convenient meals go to GreenChef.com/foreplay135 for the #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well and $135 off the first 5 meals! Delicious!


Dameproducts.com and enter code FOREPLAY today for 15% off site for Aer -- the suction vibrator and their hands-free couple toy Eva! Keep it hot baby!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published 2022-07-08

343: The Cycles - What's It All About?

36 min
View

In most of our episodes, we use the emotional and sexual cycles to bring coherence to the issues that plague committed relationships. We wanted to explore and summarize the emotional and sexual cycles in one condensed episode. Many couples feel like they are facing unique, specific troubles, when the reality is, these relational upsets are all manifestations of the underlying sexual and emotional cycles. A clear understanding of how these cycles power your relational upsets provides an avenue for hope and change; rather than dealing with hundreds of different issues, you and your partner can team up to clarify the cycles and understand your partner better.

 

Please check out our sponsor Foria! Their Awaken Arousal Oil and Intimacy Sex Oil (both with CBD) help relax you and heighten your orgasm and sexual pleasure. Laurie recommends these great products and you can get 20% off your first order by going to Foria’s website and using the coupon code Foreplay.

 

Attention all therapists! Join Laurie and George in North Texas August 12 & 13 for a 2-day training on integrating sex therapy and attachment theory. We’re tired of Zoom meetings and are so excited to be with colleagues in person to train and have fun! Go to www.northtexaseft.com/upcoming-events or click the link below to find out more.

Great Love Great Sex for Couples- Integrating Sex Therapy and Attachment Theory Training for Therapists

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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In most of our episodes, we use the emotional and sexual cycles to bring coherence to the issues that plague committed relationships. We wanted to explore and summarize the emotional and sexual cycles in one condensed episode. Many couples feel like they are facing unique, specific troubles, when the reality is, these relational upsets are all manifestations of the underlying sexual and emotional cycles. A clear understanding of how these cycles power your relational upsets provides an avenue for hope and change; rather than dealing with hundreds of different issues, you and your partner can team up to clarify the cycles and understand your partner better.

 

Please check out our sponsor Foria! Their Awaken Arousal Oil and Intimacy Sex Oil (both with CBD) help relax you and heighten your orgasm and sexual pleasure. Laurie recommends these great products and you can get 20% off your first order by going to Foria’s website and using the coupon code Foreplay.

 

Attention all therapists! Join Laurie and George in North Texas August 12 & 13 for a 2-day training on integrating sex therapy and attachment theory. We’re tired of Zoom meetings and are so excited to be with colleagues in person to train and have fun! Go to www.northtexaseft.com/upcoming-events or click the link below to find out more.

Great Love Great Sex for Couples- Integrating Sex Therapy and Attachment Theory Training for Therapists

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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There can be so much disappointment even shame when a couple is in a sexlessness marriage. Couple can tune out and shut down their need for flesh on flesh and over time it gets harder and harder to get back. They don’t know how to repair or even talk about normal failure and so they ignore the failures. This doesn’t happen just with aging. It’s people who resign themselves to not talking about it and both withdraw. George and Laurie talk about how to get back in bed!

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There can be so much disappointment even shame when a couple is in a sexlessness marriage. Couple can tune out and shut down their need for flesh on flesh and over time it gets harder and harder to get back. They don’t know how to repair or even talk about normal failure and so they ignore the failures. This doesn’t happen just with aging. It’s people who resign themselves to not talking about it and both withdraw. George and Laurie talk about how to get back in bed!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published 2022-06-24

341: Should You Keep Sex Secrets?

35 min
View

Laurie and George define secrets as issues, fantasies or alliances that block connection. We certainly have a right to privacy and sometimes our private erotic thoughts makes our world sexier and makes us more available to our partner. Certainly some people choose and open marriage but they do it with… openness. we think talking about your fantasies or actual affairs with your a partner while incredibly difficult makes it possible for YOU not to be carrying the guilt of a secret that you find unethical and against your promise. 


Sponsors:

Uberlube -- Go to Uberlube.com with the coupon 'Foreplay' for 10% off!

Bluechew - BlueChew.com, promo code Foreplay to receive your first month free!

Dame Products -- DameProducts.com with the coupon 'Foreplay' for 15% off!

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Laurie and George define secrets as issues, fantasies or alliances that block connection. We certainly have a right to privacy and sometimes our private erotic thoughts makes our world sexier and makes us more available to our partner. Certainly some people choose and open marriage but they do it with… openness. we think talking about your fantasies or actual affairs with your a partner while incredibly difficult makes it possible for YOU not to be carrying the guilt of a secret that you find unethical and against your promise. 


Sponsors:

Uberlube -- Go to Uberlube.com with the coupon 'Foreplay' for 10% off!

Bluechew - BlueChew.com, promo code Foreplay to receive your first month free!

Dame Products -- DameProducts.com with the coupon 'Foreplay' for 15% off!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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“I’m just not attracted to you anymore.” - OUCH!!!I Sounds like a showstopper doesn’t it? But Laurie and George have hope for you to get it back.

We use our favorite acronym BEST SEX Conversations - to explore why people might lose attraction for the partner they’ve committed to and some ideas about getting it back. We go through the primary areas of sexual attachment from a holistic viewpoint to discover what is causing lack of attraction. Then we offer ways you can feel the gas - how to increase the turn-ons! and then we talk about ways to release the brakes on the things that turn you off.


Sponsors:

Bluechew.com - promocode FOREPLAY for your first month free

Foriawellness.com/foreplay or use the code foreplay at checkout for 20% off your first order, 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

More description

“I’m just not attracted to you anymore.” - OUCH!!!I Sounds like a showstopper doesn’t it? But Laurie and George have hope for you to get it back.

We use our favorite acronym BEST SEX Conversations - to explore why people might lose attraction for the partner they’ve committed to and some ideas about getting it back. We go through the primary areas of sexual attachment from a holistic viewpoint to discover what is causing lack of attraction. Then we offer ways you can feel the gas - how to increase the turn-ons! and then we talk about ways to release the brakes on the things that turn you off.


Sponsors:

Bluechew.com - promocode FOREPLAY for your first month free

Foriawellness.com/foreplay or use the code foreplay at checkout for 20% off your first order, 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published 2022-06-10

339: How a Man Can Be Sexually Confident

33 min
View

Confidence is essential for a great relationship. But how to you grow in confidence if you've lost it or never had much of it? Confidence is the end result of a string of successes. We discuss moves you can make to help yourself -- and your partner -- build their confidence by how you interact, particularly in the difficult conversations. Learn new moves to help you be successful -- and grow your confidence.

Check out our sponsors:

Blue Chew -- use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get your first month free (with only $5 for shipping)!

Manscaped -- the Performance Package 4.0 is here! Great grooming products for 'down under'! Coupon code 'foreplay'.

Uberlube -- Our favorite silicon lubricant to make everything smoother! Use coupon code foreplay for a discount!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

More description

Confidence is essential for a great relationship. But how to you grow in confidence if you've lost it or never had much of it? Confidence is the end result of a string of successes. We discuss moves you can make to help yourself -- and your partner -- build their confidence by how you interact, particularly in the difficult conversations. Learn new moves to help you be successful -- and grow your confidence.

Check out our sponsors:

Blue Chew -- use the coupon code 'foreplay' to get your first month free (with only $5 for shipping)!

Manscaped -- the Performance Package 4.0 is here! Great grooming products for 'down under'! Coupon code 'foreplay'.

Uberlube -- Our favorite silicon lubricant to make everything smoother! Use coupon code foreplay for a discount!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published 2022-06-03

338: Details of Sex

32 min
View

Most of us grew up not talking about sex. But the more detailed you get, the more power you can have to change things. Go play-by-play and have more choice and agency about shaping your experience and connecting with each other. One woman’s grimace during oral sex or another person’s turning of their head during sexual intercourse send messages to their partner that in our example are indeed misinterpreted. Knowing exactly what happens - the detail- helps the couples discover what is really going on. A look, a certain touch, a sigh may turn us on. Or these very same actions can be misinterpreted We can get triggered into the negative cycle. Join Laurie and George as they talk about getting down to the nitty-gritty details when you counsel someone or when you communicate with your partner.


Sponsor:

BetteHelp.com/FOREPLAY for 10% off your first month of therapy

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

More description

Most of us grew up not talking about sex. But the more detailed you get, the more power you can have to change things. Go play-by-play and have more choice and agency about shaping your experience and connecting with each other. One woman’s grimace during oral sex or another person’s turning of their head during sexual intercourse send messages to their partner that in our example are indeed misinterpreted. Knowing exactly what happens - the detail- helps the couples discover what is really going on. A look, a certain touch, a sigh may turn us on. Or these very same actions can be misinterpreted We can get triggered into the negative cycle. Join Laurie and George as they talk about getting down to the nitty-gritty details when you counsel someone or when you communicate with your partner.


Sponsor:

BetteHelp.com/FOREPLAY for 10% off your first month of therapy

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published 2022-05-27

337: Flattery

30 min
View

Everyone wants to feel desired certainly.

But the research shows that for women - being desired, hearing their partner's verbal admiration and open "want" - is very important to their turn on. When men are dating they instinctively know how telling their partner how sexy they look, sending flirty messages, giving their partner longing looks - tells her she's hot! George and Laurie talk through the shut down to this process and encourage men to go for it again.


#couples #eft #sexpodcast #marriage #desire #secureattachment


Sponsor:

BetteHelp.com/FOREPLAY for 10% off your first month of therapy

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

More description

Everyone wants to feel desired certainly.

But the research shows that for women - being desired, hearing their partner's verbal admiration and open "want" - is very important to their turn on. When men are dating they instinctively know how telling their partner how sexy they look, sending flirty messages, giving their partner longing looks - tells her she's hot! George and Laurie talk through the shut down to this process and encourage men to go for it again.


#couples #eft #sexpodcast #marriage #desire #secureattachment


Sponsor:

BetteHelp.com/FOREPLAY for 10% off your first month of therapy

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published 2022-05-20

336: How to Talk About Intimate Touch

28 min
View

Touch is vital for intimate communication. We learn so much with touch - pleasure, safety, exploration and curiosity! So often we don’t put it into words and then we find ourselves in intimate relationship with a partner without really explaining what we need and want. For instance, tickling may be fun and erotic or triggering. There are lots of ways me might miss each other in the conversation but Laurie and George explore people’s reservations and offer ideas of how to communicate about intimate touch better.

#EFT #Couples #Marriage #Sex #SexPodcast #SecureSexualAttachment

Best Lubricant - Uberlube.com/Foreplay for 10% off!

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Touch is vital for intimate communication. We learn so much with touch - pleasure, safety, exploration and curiosity! So often we don’t put it into words and then we find ourselves in intimate relationship with a partner without really explaining what we need and want. For instance, tickling may be fun and erotic or triggering. There are lots of ways me might miss each other in the conversation but Laurie and George explore people’s reservations and offer ideas of how to communicate about intimate touch better.

#EFT #Couples #Marriage #Sex #SexPodcast #SecureSexualAttachment

Best Lubricant - Uberlube.com/Foreplay for 10% off!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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We’re talking about good-enough responding - responding to our partner in ways that keep us connected even when we disappoint them. Think about when a withdrawer finally comes forward; while their pursuing partner may long for whatever they’re offering, the same pursuer most likely feels doubt and mistrust about the sincerity of their withdrawing partner or the evidence that this is a start of a change pattern. George is so confident that mistrust is going to be present at this stage - he calls it a natural part of the change process. So of course - the pursuer doesn’t reward their withdrawer with success for initiation and guess what? - the withdrawing partner backs away. Fail. But what if there were a way to find a secondary target, a secondary path to stay connected. George and Laurie discuss how you can target a lesser but important target (other than true responsiveness); you can give permission for you partner’s defensive/protective move - you can let them know it makes sense to you. As hard as it seems to do, validating your partner’s defense actually helps them feel seen by you and keeps you in connection.

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We’re talking about good-enough responding - responding to our partner in ways that keep us connected even when we disappoint them. Think about when a withdrawer finally comes forward; while their pursuing partner may long for whatever they’re offering, the same pursuer most likely feels doubt and mistrust about the sincerity of their withdrawing partner or the evidence that this is a start of a change pattern. George is so confident that mistrust is going to be present at this stage - he calls it a natural part of the change process. So of course - the pursuer doesn’t reward their withdrawer with success for initiation and guess what? - the withdrawing partner backs away. Fail. But what if there were a way to find a secondary target, a secondary path to stay connected. George and Laurie discuss how you can target a lesser but important target (other than true responsiveness); you can give permission for you partner’s defensive/protective move - you can let them know it makes sense to you. As hard as it seems to do, validating your partner’s defense actually helps them feel seen by you and keeps you in connection.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published 2022-05-06

334: Spicing Things Up

32 min
View

Wanna spice it up? What have you fantasized about doing? It takes vulnerability to tell each other about ideas for novelty and change. Are you willing to risk? Laurie and George talk about how couples choose to spice things up - ways that novelty can be gas petals or brakes for different couples often dividing the couple themselves. Porn, gummies, alcohol, vibrators, handcuffs, feathers, etc… and other toys might add to arousal or block connection! Knowing that you’re gonna have a glass of wine, you’re gonna loosen up, you’re gonna feel less inhibited…. some of it is simply the ritual, the getting ready, looking forward to a bit of change that can create a little fun.

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Wanna spice it up? What have you fantasized about doing? It takes vulnerability to tell each other about ideas for novelty and change. Are you willing to risk? Laurie and George talk about how couples choose to spice things up - ways that novelty can be gas petals or brakes for different couples often dividing the couple themselves. Porn, gummies, alcohol, vibrators, handcuffs, feathers, etc… and other toys might add to arousal or block connection! Knowing that you’re gonna have a glass of wine, you’re gonna loosen up, you’re gonna feel less inhibited…. some of it is simply the ritual, the getting ready, looking forward to a bit of change that can create a little fun.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Published 2022-04-29

333: Something Better Than Nothing?

30 min
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Is it worth it to accept something that your partner wants to give you sexually instead of holding out for what you really want? Is something better than nothing? Laurie and George use a tried and true EFT principle called "slicing it thinner" - find a way to help your partner get closer to what you want without them losing themselves or feeling compromised.

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Is it worth it to accept something that your partner wants to give you sexually instead of holding out for what you really want? Is something better than nothing? Laurie and George use a tried and true EFT principle called "slicing it thinner" - find a way to help your partner get closer to what you want without them losing themselves or feeling compromised.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Would you just love to go for a walk with Laurie and talk about sex? Well, on this episode, L invites all of her girlfriends out there to talk about all the stuff - hacks to conquer menopause, how to use a vibrator and what to do if his erection fails. Join in for some girl talk!

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Would you just love to go for a walk with Laurie and talk about sex? Well, on this episode, L invites all of her girlfriends out there to talk about all the stuff - hacks to conquer menopause, how to use a vibrator and what to do if his erection fails. Join in for some girl talk!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The million dollar question! (for pursuers) how do you get someone to pursue their own pleasure. In our Q&A, Laurie and George see a reader’s point. For so many  reasons it works better when your partner is engaged sexually - they supply desire that fuels the sexual fun, it’s a turn-on to see your partner in uninhibited abandon plus it takes the pressure off from always having to initiate. But there’s a flip side that is often dynamic. 

 

 

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The million dollar question! (for pursuers) how do you get someone to pursue their own pleasure. In our Q&A, Laurie and George see a reader’s point. For so many  reasons it works better when your partner is engaged sexually - they supply desire that fuels the sexual fun, it’s a turn-on to see your partner in uninhibited abandon plus it takes the pressure off from always having to initiate. But there’s a flip side that is often dynamic. 

 

 

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Published 2022-04-08

330: Six Modes of Sex

34 min
View
Lovemaking, maintenance sex, icebreaker sex, the 5-minute window, RED HOT sex, and scheduled sex - all have their merits. Compliments of our friends' blog @thehappymarriageau, George and Laurie riff on these six modes of sex - what they're good for, what the drawbacks are and how connected relationships might make use of all of them.   Please follow @thehappymarriageau and us as well on insta @Foreplay_radiosextherapy. And find some fantastic lube at Uberlube.com with 10% off using our coupon "Foreplay."

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Lovemaking, maintenance sex, icebreaker sex, the 5-minute window, RED HOT sex, and scheduled sex - all have their merits. Compliments of our friends' blog @thehappymarriageau, George and Laurie riff on these six modes of sex - what they're good for, what the drawbacks are and how connected relationships might make use of all of them.   Please follow @thehappymarriageau and us as well on insta @Foreplay_radiosextherapy. And find some fantastic lube at Uberlube.com with 10% off using our coupon "Foreplay."

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Keeping connected is easier when we're in green brain - when our brain says we are safe, cared about and even loved - when we can relax, talk, listen with openness.  Red brains are escalated, tense, maybe angry or in total shut down.  Listen to George and Laurie talk about pulling a partner in red brain into the calm connected place where sex and connection can happen.

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Keeping connected is easier when we're in green brain - when our brain says we are safe, cared about and even loved - when we can relax, talk, listen with openness.  Red brains are escalated, tense, maybe angry or in total shut down.  Listen to George and Laurie talk about pulling a partner in red brain into the calm connected place where sex and connection can happen.

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Published 2022-03-24

328: Sue Johnson Talks Sex!

43 min
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FOREPLAY welcomes Emotionally Focused Therapy, founder Dr. Sue Johnson to talk with us about George's driving and the sexual cycle. We laughed together about their early relationship and more seriously about George asking for help after 9/11 with the couples he was seeing and Sue's generous response.  Sue gives us a keen example of a uber sexual pursuer and how his needs for attachment drive him even thought his behavior pushes his partner away. Listen up to our discussing with someone who has changed the world with her theory and life's work!

For an EFT Therapist or to purchase her bestselling books LoveSense or Hold Me Tight - contact Sue's organization: ICEEFT.com

 

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FOREPLAY welcomes Emotionally Focused Therapy, founder Dr. Sue Johnson to talk with us about George's driving and the sexual cycle. We laughed together about their early relationship and more seriously about George asking for help after 9/11 with the couples he was seeing and Sue's generous response.  Sue gives us a keen example of a uber sexual pursuer and how his needs for attachment drive him even thought his behavior pushes his partner away. Listen up to our discussing with someone who has changed the world with her theory and life's work!

For an EFT Therapist or to purchase her bestselling books LoveSense or Hold Me Tight - contact Sue's organization: ICEEFT.com

 

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Listen to this emotional episode to to help the withdrawers in your life. Trained to suppress emotions, withdrawers have decided early in life - it's is not okay to have needs. Their nervous systems don't trust because in the past people haven't shown up for them. Even if their pursuing partner are longing to be close and cover them with their love, their hearts believe others are not safe or dependable. George and Laurie think about the actual words that withdrawers might say when they finally reach out to their waiting partners.

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Listen to this emotional episode to to help the withdrawers in your life. Trained to suppress emotions, withdrawers have decided early in life - it's is not okay to have needs. Their nervous systems don't trust because in the past people haven't shown up for them. Even if their pursuing partner are longing to be close and cover them with their love, their hearts believe others are not safe or dependable. George and Laurie think about the actual words that withdrawers might say when they finally reach out to their waiting partners.

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Published 2022-03-11

326: World of the Withdrawer

30 min
View

Withdrawers in relationship are steeled against the three waves that come for them... first, they do it wrong for their pursuing partner, next it's their fault for withdrawing and third, they really are nothing after all.  Can you see why it makes sense not to engage? If all you get when you engage with your partner is ultimately the knowledge about being not good enough, maybe unloveable - it's soo much better to stay distant.  Laurie and George talk about the different strategies that withdrawers use to stay as far away from failing as they can.

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Withdrawers in relationship are steeled against the three waves that come for them... first, they do it wrong for their pursuing partner, next it's their fault for withdrawing and third, they really are nothing after all.  Can you see why it makes sense not to engage? If all you get when you engage with your partner is ultimately the knowledge about being not good enough, maybe unloveable - it's soo much better to stay distant.  Laurie and George talk about the different strategies that withdrawers use to stay as far away from failing as they can.

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Published 2022-03-04

325: Getting Pursuer Needs Met

32 min
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We want to help pursuers get what they need and then take it into their hearts when it finally comes their way. We know there can be mistrust when a withdrawer at first tries to understand and meet the pursuer's need. Your longing for attention, engagement or sex has left you in fear of always feeling this way.  It makes sense that when your withdrawer starts to come forward that you would have serious doubt about their intentions and authenticity.  But Laurie and George want to set up both partners for a better reconnection. 

 

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We want to help pursuers get what they need and then take it into their hearts when it finally comes their way. We know there can be mistrust when a withdrawer at first tries to understand and meet the pursuer's need. Your longing for attention, engagement or sex has left you in fear of always feeling this way.  It makes sense that when your withdrawer starts to come forward that you would have serious doubt about their intentions and authenticity.  But Laurie and George want to set up both partners for a better reconnection. 

 

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Published 2022-02-25

324: The World of the Pursuer

31 min
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This is George and Laurie's love letter to those pursuers out there! We see how hard you work. Male or female, sexual or emotional pursuer. We see your good intentions. We see your longing for your partner. We know you are working hard at doing it right and often are only criticized when you blow it. But we are sending love and encouragement. Hang in there.

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This is George and Laurie's love letter to those pursuers out there! We see how hard you work. Male or female, sexual or emotional pursuer. We see your good intentions. We see your longing for your partner. We know you are working hard at doing it right and often are only criticized when you blow it. But we are sending love and encouragement. Hang in there.

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Published 2022-02-18

323: Fairplay Before Foreplay

30 min
View

George says the value of my hour is equal to the value of your hour! Laurie says if there are big inequities in responsibility between couples - there's gonna be big problems in the bedroom! Hear G and Laurie exclaim over how important it is to get FAIRPLAY before FOREPLAY is possible. We know so many couples fight about this and we know it's so important to straighten this out in order to keep the bedroom hot!

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George says the value of my hour is equal to the value of your hour! Laurie says if there are big inequities in responsibility between couples - there's gonna be big problems in the bedroom! Hear G and Laurie exclaim over how important it is to get FAIRPLAY before FOREPLAY is possible. We know so many couples fight about this and we know it's so important to straighten this out in order to keep the bedroom hot!

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Published 2022-02-11

322: Keeping It Married and Hot!

31 min
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We promise fidelity in marriage - a promise of an erotic life with our partner. So what gets in the way? Why do people joke that marriage is where sex goes to die? George and Laurie believe facing the discouragement that couples might feel, is better than settling for low engagement. They explore how men and women may stabilize each other and destabilize each other at different points - in the emotional and sexual cycles. It's complicated and George and Laurie dig in!   #couplescounseling #couplestherapy #vulnerability #marriage #anxiety #foreplayradiosextherapy #sextherapy #withdrawer #lovequotes #marriagetherapy #EFT #couplescounseling #marriageadvice #insecurities #intimacy #communication #sex #sexuality #coregulation #marriagecounseling #pursuer #attachmenttheory #EFTtherapist #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #couples #secureattachment #pursuerwithdrawer #attachment #emotions   Please help support the podcast by purchasing the best lubricant out there - Uberlube.com/Foreplay for 10% off!

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We promise fidelity in marriage - a promise of an erotic life with our partner. So what gets in the way? Why do people joke that marriage is where sex goes to die? George and Laurie believe facing the discouragement that couples might feel, is better than settling for low engagement. They explore how men and women may stabilize each other and destabilize each other at different points - in the emotional and sexual cycles. It's complicated and George and Laurie dig in!   #couplescounseling #couplestherapy #vulnerability #marriage #anxiety #foreplayradiosextherapy #sextherapy #withdrawer #lovequotes #marriagetherapy #EFT #couplescounseling #marriageadvice #insecurities #intimacy #communication #sex #sexuality #coregulation #marriagecounseling #pursuer #attachmenttheory #EFTtherapist #emotionallyfocusedtherapy #couples #secureattachment #pursuerwithdrawer #attachment #emotions   Please help support the podcast by purchasing the best lubricant out there - Uberlube.com/Foreplay for 10% off!

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Our Q&A - What happens when you can’t orgasm during intercourse like you used to?  George and Laurie come up with many different ideas about what might be happening and techniques to help our listener. A listener doesn’t think Laurie gets hookup culture and why orgasm isn’t always the focus.  Here’s to a deeper look at what people might be looking for.  Heartbroken over her partner’s rejection due to herpes, we help a listener come to terms with what she needs to do. 

Please support us at the podcast and get slippery, slick sex by using Uberlube.com with the coupon Foreplay for 10% off!

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Our Q&A - What happens when you can’t orgasm during intercourse like you used to?  George and Laurie come up with many different ideas about what might be happening and techniques to help our listener. A listener doesn’t think Laurie gets hookup culture and why orgasm isn’t always the focus.  Here’s to a deeper look at what people might be looking for.  Heartbroken over her partner’s rejection due to herpes, we help a listener come to terms with what she needs to do. 

Please support us at the podcast and get slippery, slick sex by using Uberlube.com with the coupon Foreplay for 10% off!

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We all have scripts that have been handed down. Our families have told us how we are to behave sexually. Gender roles proscribe the way we should act in the bedroom.  Our culture tells us what makes us valuable in sex.  Let's examine these scripts instead of just unconsciously following them.  Free yourself from scripts that might have outlived their purpose! Welcome special guest - Dr. James Hawkins from the postcast: The Leading Edge!

Please check out Uberlube.com/Foreplay for the slickest, slipperiest sexual experience.  And support the podcast!

 

 

 

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We all have scripts that have been handed down. Our families have told us how we are to behave sexually. Gender roles proscribe the way we should act in the bedroom.  Our culture tells us what makes us valuable in sex.  Let's examine these scripts instead of just unconsciously following them.  Free yourself from scripts that might have outlived their purpose! Welcome special guest - Dr. James Hawkins from the postcast: The Leading Edge!

Please check out Uberlube.com/Foreplay for the slickest, slipperiest sexual experience.  And support the podcast!

 

 

 

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Are you tired of having the same fight over and over? Would you like to discuss things without triggering your partner. Can you imagine that underneath your partner's defense lies a hurt and even below that a need? George tries to help make it simple, in a nutshell there are three parts to how we react in a conflict - our protection, our hurt, and our need Together Laurie and George make sense of defensiveness and role play a different way to reach each other.   Please find the best lubricant on the market @ Uberlube.com/Foreplay for 10% off!!!

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Are you tired of having the same fight over and over? Would you like to discuss things without triggering your partner. Can you imagine that underneath your partner's defense lies a hurt and even below that a need? George tries to help make it simple, in a nutshell there are three parts to how we react in a conflict - our protection, our hurt, and our need Together Laurie and George make sense of defensiveness and role play a different way to reach each other.   Please find the best lubricant on the market @ Uberlube.com/Foreplay for 10% off!!!

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What happens to sexual desire after marriage?

Everything can change! Men are usually sexually consistent throughout the dating process and marriage. Women, on the other hand, are statistically more likely to switch from sultry to celibate after the wedding cake digests. Even women who were sexually engaged throughout the dating process can fizzle out once they embrace married life.

For husbands, the switch can be confusing, and so in this episode, we will try to iron out a bit of that confusion by digging into what it is about marriage that dampens sexual desire. 

Research concludes that in dating and early partnership, what secures a woman emotionally is male sexual desire. 

Women rely on this primal sense from men that creates a feeling of being wanted. As far-fetched as it sounds, in early partnership, the man’s relative emotional availability is not meaningful in making her feel secure. What makes her feel secure is his sexual desire for her. In short, male desire drives female desire, but unfortunately, desire also has enemies.

While it’s easy to blame marriage, the byproducts of marriage–time and togetherness–are the real villains.

Listen as we talk about the real reasons for the shift in desire after marriage!

“Being desired is the best sexual orgasm for women.” – Meredith Chivers, Canadian sex researcher

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What happens to sexual desire after marriage?

Everything can change! Men are usually sexually consistent throughout the dating process and marriage. Women, on the other hand, are statistically more likely to switch from sultry to celibate after the wedding cake digests. Even women who were sexually engaged throughout the dating process can fizzle out once they embrace married life.

For husbands, the switch can be confusing, and so in this episode, we will try to iron out a bit of that confusion by digging into what it is about marriage that dampens sexual desire. 

Research concludes that in dating and early partnership, what secures a woman emotionally is male sexual desire. 

Women rely on this primal sense from men that creates a feeling of being wanted. As far-fetched as it sounds, in early partnership, the man’s relative emotional availability is not meaningful in making her feel secure. What makes her feel secure is his sexual desire for her. In short, male desire drives female desire, but unfortunately, desire also has enemies.

While it’s easy to blame marriage, the byproducts of marriage–time and togetherness–are the real villains.

Listen as we talk about the real reasons for the shift in desire after marriage!

“Being desired is the best sexual orgasm for women.” – Meredith Chivers, Canadian sex researcher

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What does your orgasm feel like? An orgasm is so powerful – It’s almost indescribable! 

In this episode we talk about how to put words to it! And give you tips on how to talk about orgasms with your partner. Laurie and George also open up about what their own experiences are like… Practicing what we preach – VULNERABILITY!

If your partner asked you to describe how an orgasm feels in your body, could you do it? Would you do it? 

It's difficult to find the words to describe the feeling and to explain what the body experiences during sex. Sex is, after all, a non-verbal language. However, that doesn't mean we should resign to remaining non-verbal about sex. Working through the discomfort of such an intimate conversation can improve the quality of our sexual encounters and, subsequently, our romantic connections.

If you're ready to talk about the big O, we have 5 open-ended questions you can use to keep the conversation flowing smoothly while improving the emotional connection you have with your partner. 

The conversation isn't meant to put pressure on either of you. The ultimate goal of sex is pleasure and connection, not orgasm. Instead, it's intended to open the door to communication. It's a way to explore how orgasms work and don't work while encouraging intimacy. As the saying goes, "communication is lubrication."

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What does your orgasm feel like? An orgasm is so powerful – It’s almost indescribable! 

In this episode we talk about how to put words to it! And give you tips on how to talk about orgasms with your partner. Laurie and George also open up about what their own experiences are like… Practicing what we preach – VULNERABILITY!

If your partner asked you to describe how an orgasm feels in your body, could you do it? Would you do it? 

It's difficult to find the words to describe the feeling and to explain what the body experiences during sex. Sex is, after all, a non-verbal language. However, that doesn't mean we should resign to remaining non-verbal about sex. Working through the discomfort of such an intimate conversation can improve the quality of our sexual encounters and, subsequently, our romantic connections.

If you're ready to talk about the big O, we have 5 open-ended questions you can use to keep the conversation flowing smoothly while improving the emotional connection you have with your partner. 

The conversation isn't meant to put pressure on either of you. The ultimate goal of sex is pleasure and connection, not orgasm. Instead, it's intended to open the door to communication. It's a way to explore how orgasms work and don't work while encouraging intimacy. As the saying goes, "communication is lubrication."

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A person’s sexual history is profoundly revealing.

Those who have attempted to discuss sexual histories with their lover know the conversation can elicit different emotional reactions. It can be awkward to ask your partner about their past or have your partner ask you about your sexual past, but the outcome of braving such a conversation is stronger intimacy.

Join George and Laurie as they get beyond numbers and into curious questions. Find success in discussing sexual histories, learn about your partner's accelerators and brakes.

Caveat: use caution if your partner is a jealous person.

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A person’s sexual history is profoundly revealing.

Those who have attempted to discuss sexual histories with their lover know the conversation can elicit different emotional reactions. It can be awkward to ask your partner about their past or have your partner ask you about your sexual past, but the outcome of braving such a conversation is stronger intimacy.

Join George and Laurie as they get beyond numbers and into curious questions. Find success in discussing sexual histories, learn about your partner's accelerators and brakes.

Caveat: use caution if your partner is a jealous person.

Please checkout the best lubricant on the market: Uberlube.com with the coupon code FOREPLAY for a discount!

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Published 2021-12-24

315: Closing The Orgasm Gap

31 min
View
Not fair. Women have less orgasms than men; Laurie and George talk about the disturbing stats. Why is this happening? Do men still not know how a woman gets aroused and reaches orgasm?   Are we as parents and a culture teaching young women and men about what a female bodies might need?   Women are socialized to give instead of to get. And men are more shaped to get what they need. George volunteers that women also need "fairplay" not just foreplay.  

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Not fair. Women have less orgasms than men; Laurie and George talk about the disturbing stats. Why is this happening? Do men still not know how a woman gets aroused and reaches orgasm?   Are we as parents and a culture teaching young women and men about what a female bodies might need?   Women are socialized to give instead of to get. And men are more shaped to get what they need. George volunteers that women also need "fairplay" not just foreplay.  

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How do we heal the pain created by reaching for our person and finding they aren’t there? We’ve all experienced hurt and disappointment in relationships. When a healthy attachment is present, the pain is acknowledged, and you move past it together. However, when there’s an attachment injury, the process of moving forward is blocked...

Dr. Sue Johnson defines an attachment injury as a “feeling of betrayal or abandonment during a critical time of need.” If our lover isn’t there for us in those moments or doesn’t show up, it’s incredibly painful, and our bodies are smart enough to avoid future pain. 

The pain we experience in these moments is sent to our limbic system. In response, our limbic system releases stress hormones, alerts our amygdala to danger, and embeds a message in the hippocampus that says, “Do not depend on this person again.” 

The good news is that it’s never too late to heal an attachment injury! The body and the brain stand outside of time. Our bodies hold memories, and we can go back to them and heal them now. While you can’t change what happened, you can change how you feel about what happened, which can change everything. 

Let’s talk about HOW to heal these attachment wounds… together.

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How do we heal the pain created by reaching for our person and finding they aren’t there? We’ve all experienced hurt and disappointment in relationships. When a healthy attachment is present, the pain is acknowledged, and you move past it together. However, when there’s an attachment injury, the process of moving forward is blocked...

Dr. Sue Johnson defines an attachment injury as a “feeling of betrayal or abandonment during a critical time of need.” If our lover isn’t there for us in those moments or doesn’t show up, it’s incredibly painful, and our bodies are smart enough to avoid future pain. 

The pain we experience in these moments is sent to our limbic system. In response, our limbic system releases stress hormones, alerts our amygdala to danger, and embeds a message in the hippocampus that says, “Do not depend on this person again.” 

The good news is that it’s never too late to heal an attachment injury! The body and the brain stand outside of time. Our bodies hold memories, and we can go back to them and heal them now. While you can’t change what happened, you can change how you feel about what happened, which can change everything. 

Let’s talk about HOW to heal these attachment wounds… together.

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Published 2021-12-10

313: Are You A Good Kisser?

28 min
View

Let’s talk about all things smooches! Types of kissing, “good” and “bad” kissers, what a kiss means to you…

Labeling someone as a “good” kisser implies a one-size-fits-all technique, but in reality, we don’t have good and bad; we have compatible and non-compatible kissers. Kissing is a matter of preference, attraction, attunement to your partner, and perhaps even genetics.

Once we become sexually active, we often throw kissing into the foreplay category and give it little thought, but kissing can be the end game. Kissing doesn’t always have to lead to sex! Kissing can be exciting, and my challenge to you is to let it stand alone. Spend a day making out with your partner and explore how that feels together!

Communication is, not surprisingly, key when it comes to kissing.

Does your partner prefer wet kisses or dry kisses? A hot and heavy makeout or soft and slow caress? Do you like to be touched while kissed? Where and how?

The bottom line is that you don’t know what your partner wants and they don’t know what you want unless you talk about it. When we explore kissing with our partner, we learn to dance together, and we learn to enjoy the kiss!

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Let’s talk about all things smooches! Types of kissing, “good” and “bad” kissers, what a kiss means to you…

Labeling someone as a “good” kisser implies a one-size-fits-all technique, but in reality, we don’t have good and bad; we have compatible and non-compatible kissers. Kissing is a matter of preference, attraction, attunement to your partner, and perhaps even genetics.

Once we become sexually active, we often throw kissing into the foreplay category and give it little thought, but kissing can be the end game. Kissing doesn’t always have to lead to sex! Kissing can be exciting, and my challenge to you is to let it stand alone. Spend a day making out with your partner and explore how that feels together!

Communication is, not surprisingly, key when it comes to kissing.

Does your partner prefer wet kisses or dry kisses? A hot and heavy makeout or soft and slow caress? Do you like to be touched while kissed? Where and how?

The bottom line is that you don’t know what your partner wants and they don’t know what you want unless you talk about it. When we explore kissing with our partner, we learn to dance together, and we learn to enjoy the kiss!

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Shame and disgust are heavy words that inhabit dark places, but we can't avoid dark places if we want to experience the highs a relationship can provide emotionally and sexually.

The power of shame is in secrecy. We don't want to show our shame. We don't want to be rejected, so we lock away parts of ourselves and pray that no one sees us. The irony is that the antidote to shame is connection and empathy, gifts we can only receive when we allow others to see us. 

Within the sexual cycle, shame takes many forms. We might feel shame over what we've done, over things that have been done to us, or over our desires and fantasies. Many feelings of shame and disgust are rooted in our childhoods (or trauma).

If one partner brings up a new sex act and their partner has a huge reaction of disgust, it can create deep shame for simply bringing it up or even disgust at one's self for having "such" ideas, further fueling the shame cycle.

So how do we close the gap and find attunement within this mismatched experience? The answer is communication.

Listen as Laurie and George roleplay and show you how to have these conversations with your partner – with safety.

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Shame and disgust are heavy words that inhabit dark places, but we can't avoid dark places if we want to experience the highs a relationship can provide emotionally and sexually.

The power of shame is in secrecy. We don't want to show our shame. We don't want to be rejected, so we lock away parts of ourselves and pray that no one sees us. The irony is that the antidote to shame is connection and empathy, gifts we can only receive when we allow others to see us. 

Within the sexual cycle, shame takes many forms. We might feel shame over what we've done, over things that have been done to us, or over our desires and fantasies. Many feelings of shame and disgust are rooted in our childhoods (or trauma).

If one partner brings up a new sex act and their partner has a huge reaction of disgust, it can create deep shame for simply bringing it up or even disgust at one's self for having "such" ideas, further fueling the shame cycle.

So how do we close the gap and find attunement within this mismatched experience? The answer is communication.

Listen as Laurie and George roleplay and show you how to have these conversations with your partner – with safety.

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Let's talk about five primary emotions: joy, fear, anger, sadness, shame, and disgust – feeling all of them is important, especially with your partner. Emotions are the language of the body. They say, "pay attention, something's happening!" But so often we don't pay attention, choosing, consciously or unconsciously, to disconnect...

We may have been raised in homes where anger was expressed in an unhealthy way, joy covered by a wet blanket, or shame used to control and manipulate our behavior. Regardless of how our childhoods taught us to relate to emotions, we can rewrite the script by creating healthy emotional attachments and responses.

While there are many tools we can use to do that, in this episode we're going to talk about co-regulation and co-creation ("CoCo.") And learn how to share and navigate emotions together.

If your loved one is excited, you match their excitement. If your loved one is angry, you honor their anger. Co-regulation is not co-dependency. Co-regulation does not say, "I feel happy only if you're happy." It says, "You feel happy, and I'm happy for you." Co-regulation allows the witness to be there for their partner while also honoring their own emotions.

Most of the time, people don't understand the emotion they're in, and they need someone to support them in a curious and non-judgemental way. Co-creation allows partners to act as witnesses for each other. By asking questions and being present, the witness can help the emoter explore and deepen their understanding of their feelings.

Listen to learn how to apply 'CoCo' to your relationship and create positive shifts in your emotional and sexual cycles! 

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Let's talk about five primary emotions: joy, fear, anger, sadness, shame, and disgust – feeling all of them is important, especially with your partner. Emotions are the language of the body. They say, "pay attention, something's happening!" But so often we don't pay attention, choosing, consciously or unconsciously, to disconnect...

We may have been raised in homes where anger was expressed in an unhealthy way, joy covered by a wet blanket, or shame used to control and manipulate our behavior. Regardless of how our childhoods taught us to relate to emotions, we can rewrite the script by creating healthy emotional attachments and responses.

While there are many tools we can use to do that, in this episode we're going to talk about co-regulation and co-creation ("CoCo.") And learn how to share and navigate emotions together.

If your loved one is excited, you match their excitement. If your loved one is angry, you honor their anger. Co-regulation is not co-dependency. Co-regulation does not say, "I feel happy only if you're happy." It says, "You feel happy, and I'm happy for you." Co-regulation allows the witness to be there for their partner while also honoring their own emotions.

Most of the time, people don't understand the emotion they're in, and they need someone to support them in a curious and non-judgemental way. Co-creation allows partners to act as witnesses for each other. By asking questions and being present, the witness can help the emoter explore and deepen their understanding of their feelings.

Listen to learn how to apply 'CoCo' to your relationship and create positive shifts in your emotional and sexual cycles! 

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Let's use the 3 road analogy to discuss the sexual and emotional cycles: the High, Middle, and Low Roads. Research highlights the importance of navigating all three roads for relationship success. The question is, how do we navigate them?

We’re putting all the pieces together in an exercise that will challenge your relationship and open the door to communication.

Balancing the High, Middle, and Low Roads within your relationship will require a conversation that isn’t for the faint of heart. In your relationship, attempting such a pointed conversation will probably come naturally if you are the Emotional Pursuer.

If you’re a Withdrawer, channel your inner Simon Cowell while expressing what you need to feel safe within the conversation. After all, clarity is kindness. 

Listen to hear our 5 exercises that will engage you and your partner, and explore how each of you show up in the relationship!

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Let's use the 3 road analogy to discuss the sexual and emotional cycles: the High, Middle, and Low Roads. Research highlights the importance of navigating all three roads for relationship success. The question is, how do we navigate them?

We’re putting all the pieces together in an exercise that will challenge your relationship and open the door to communication.

Balancing the High, Middle, and Low Roads within your relationship will require a conversation that isn’t for the faint of heart. In your relationship, attempting such a pointed conversation will probably come naturally if you are the Emotional Pursuer.

If you’re a Withdrawer, channel your inner Simon Cowell while expressing what you need to feel safe within the conversation. After all, clarity is kindness. 

Listen to hear our 5 exercises that will engage you and your partner, and explore how each of you show up in the relationship!

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Published 2021-11-12

309: Script For A Sexual Breakthrough!

31 min
View

EFT (or Emotionally Focused Therapy) walks couples through a de-escalation process, but what sets EFT apart is Stage Two. The second stage of EFT focuses not on “what’s wrong” but on making things right in the relationship.

Laurie and George celebrate as Laurie becomes certified in EFT and both thank Dr. Sue Johnson for the amazing gift of this therapy model!

In sex therapy, we discuss emotional patterns, but we also understand the interdependency between sex and emotions. One isn’t more important than the other, and when leveraging patterns to create lasting change, the sexual cycle can’t be ignored.

When the sexual pursuer learns to communicate from a place of vulnerability, the withdrawer feels a release of pressure that allows them to draw closer to the pursuer, which is ultimately what they both want...

In stage two, couples learn to replace the negative cycle with a positive cycle. They create “new moves.” The “new move” script in this episode is about compassionately sharing and accepting each other’s needs. By integrating these new moves into your relationship through better communication, you can continue to grow in sex and love…

Listen as Laurie & George talk you through a success script for addressing the sexual/emotional cycles in your relationship!

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EFT (or Emotionally Focused Therapy) walks couples through a de-escalation process, but what sets EFT apart is Stage Two. The second stage of EFT focuses not on “what’s wrong” but on making things right in the relationship.

Laurie and George celebrate as Laurie becomes certified in EFT and both thank Dr. Sue Johnson for the amazing gift of this therapy model!

In sex therapy, we discuss emotional patterns, but we also understand the interdependency between sex and emotions. One isn’t more important than the other, and when leveraging patterns to create lasting change, the sexual cycle can’t be ignored.

When the sexual pursuer learns to communicate from a place of vulnerability, the withdrawer feels a release of pressure that allows them to draw closer to the pursuer, which is ultimately what they both want...

In stage two, couples learn to replace the negative cycle with a positive cycle. They create “new moves.” The “new move” script in this episode is about compassionately sharing and accepting each other’s needs. By integrating these new moves into your relationship through better communication, you can continue to grow in sex and love…

Listen as Laurie & George talk you through a success script for addressing the sexual/emotional cycles in your relationship!

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How do you initiate in the bedroom? ;) George and Laurie explore (and joke!) about 5 different initiator styles: Seduction, Touch, Emotional Connection, Sex Talk and Power Play.

Which way do you like it best? Which way does your partner like it best? Does seduction begin with the way you drink your coffee in the morning like it does with Laurie? Are you missing each other because of a style difference?

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How do you initiate in the bedroom? ;) George and Laurie explore (and joke!) about 5 different initiator styles: Seduction, Touch, Emotional Connection, Sex Talk and Power Play.

Which way do you like it best? Which way does your partner like it best? Does seduction begin with the way you drink your coffee in the morning like it does with Laurie? Are you missing each other because of a style difference?

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Published 2021-10-29

307: The Yin and Yang of Sexual Energy

30 min
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Both Yin and Yang are needed for our sex lives to flourish. Where do you fall on the spectrum? Partners in relationships can both be dominant in one type, but we most often see opposites attract. 

When Yang dominates a relationship, sex can be passionate at first, but eventually, this gives way to dissatisfaction as the emotional component of the relationship is ignored. You might see resentment and frustration manifest toward the Yin partner and an inability to be vulnerable. 

On the other hand, when there's too much Yin, the relationship is sexless. If there is no initiator, there is no sex. When sex does occur, it's described as "boring" as Yin lacks creativity and sensuality. 

Combining Yin and Yang in the bedroom requires honoring our evolving natures. The balance of Yin and Yang is ever-changing because people are ever-changing. In the bedroom, that means honoring and asking, “Where am I now? Where is my partner now? What do I want now?

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Both Yin and Yang are needed for our sex lives to flourish. Where do you fall on the spectrum? Partners in relationships can both be dominant in one type, but we most often see opposites attract. 

When Yang dominates a relationship, sex can be passionate at first, but eventually, this gives way to dissatisfaction as the emotional component of the relationship is ignored. You might see resentment and frustration manifest toward the Yin partner and an inability to be vulnerable. 

On the other hand, when there's too much Yin, the relationship is sexless. If there is no initiator, there is no sex. When sex does occur, it's described as "boring" as Yin lacks creativity and sensuality. 

Combining Yin and Yang in the bedroom requires honoring our evolving natures. The balance of Yin and Yang is ever-changing because people are ever-changing. In the bedroom, that means honoring and asking, “Where am I now? Where is my partner now? What do I want now?

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Touch, smell, sound, taste, vision... Which senses cause you sexual "blocks?" Perhaps touch feels unnatural, painful, or irritating. Maybe you are self-conscious about the way you smell and aren't comfortable with letting your partner go down. Or maybe some sounds or things your partner says turns you off...

Moving past these requires communication with your partner. Start by sharing your "blocks" with your partner.

Explore what you don’t like, explore what you do, and share when you’re ready.

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Touch, smell, sound, taste, vision... Which senses cause you sexual "blocks?" Perhaps touch feels unnatural, painful, or irritating. Maybe you are self-conscious about the way you smell and aren't comfortable with letting your partner go down. Or maybe some sounds or things your partner says turns you off...

Moving past these requires communication with your partner. Start by sharing your "blocks" with your partner.

Explore what you don’t like, explore what you do, and share when you’re ready.

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Laurie and George discuss the 'still-face' experiments and how that shows up in the bedroom.

Still face – a look on our partner's face that spells d i s c o n n e c t i o n!   Based on the seminal work by Ed Tronick, George and Laurie look at what this might mean when we see still face when we're making love to our partner.   We have to get curious about what is going on for the partner giving the still face. Could be their face actually is showing their performance anxiety, or going inward with their focus to try and get aroused. Maybe they don't realized that they've given their partner a message that they've disappeared.   For the partner observing, we understand it can be unnerving. Maybe it feels rejecting or maybe this partner worries that it's a reflection on their bedroom skills.   Listen as Laurie and George suggest ways to get curious and open up a conversation about still face.   Please support us and get us a 10% discount by using the coupon FOREPLAY at Uberlube.com!

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Laurie and George discuss the 'still-face' experiments and how that shows up in the bedroom.

Still face – a look on our partner's face that spells d i s c o n n e c t i o n!   Based on the seminal work by Ed Tronick, George and Laurie look at what this might mean when we see still face when we're making love to our partner.   We have to get curious about what is going on for the partner giving the still face. Could be their face actually is showing their performance anxiety, or going inward with their focus to try and get aroused. Maybe they don't realized that they've given their partner a message that they've disappeared.   For the partner observing, we understand it can be unnerving. Maybe it feels rejecting or maybe this partner worries that it's a reflection on their bedroom skills.   Listen as Laurie and George suggest ways to get curious and open up a conversation about still face.   Please support us and get us a 10% discount by using the coupon FOREPLAY at Uberlube.com!

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Published 2021-10-08

304: Love and Sex – How They Go Together

30 min
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Sex and emotions—there’s a delicate balance between the two, an overlap that can’t be ignored. Emotions can enhance sex or inhibit sex, and sex can enhance emotions or inhibit emotions.

Borrowing concepts from the attachment theory, we dive into how sex and emotions intertwine by exploring the role of the Pursuer and Withdrawer...

Great episode for EFTers – So important for therapists to know how to leverage the sexual attachment cycle in order to get change in the emotional attachment cycle and vice versa!

While we don’t always fall neatly into a cycle, there is always a cycle, some level of interdependence. This interdependence can shift as patterns and is not concrete. A Pursuer can become a Withdrawer, or you might find that you were a Pursuer in an old relationship and a Withdrawer in your current relationship. The patterns are not your personality; they are a response to the complexity of sexual and emotional connections.

Understanding yourself and your partner requires intention but a balanced connection is worth the effort. 

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Sex and emotions—there’s a delicate balance between the two, an overlap that can’t be ignored. Emotions can enhance sex or inhibit sex, and sex can enhance emotions or inhibit emotions.

Borrowing concepts from the attachment theory, we dive into how sex and emotions intertwine by exploring the role of the Pursuer and Withdrawer...

Great episode for EFTers – So important for therapists to know how to leverage the sexual attachment cycle in order to get change in the emotional attachment cycle and vice versa!

While we don’t always fall neatly into a cycle, there is always a cycle, some level of interdependence. This interdependence can shift as patterns and is not concrete. A Pursuer can become a Withdrawer, or you might find that you were a Pursuer in an old relationship and a Withdrawer in your current relationship. The patterns are not your personality; they are a response to the complexity of sexual and emotional connections.

Understanding yourself and your partner requires intention but a balanced connection is worth the effort. 

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What can we learn from Hollywood about balancing sexual 'yin and yang'? In this episode, we'll focus on sensuality as a pure act of giving, and on the importance of balance between the yin (sensuality) and the yang (assertiveness) of sex. 

Shifting from yang to yin asks us to unravel our unrealistic views of sex, and Hollywood occasionally provides the perfect how-to guide. Let's talk about three movies with scenes that perfectly capture yin sensuality...

The movies we discuss all focus on men performing sensual acts for women – but ALL genders crave sensuality. A back scratch, a hair massage in the shower, an affectionate touch in the middle of the day, all of these efforts allow the mystery to unfold between partners.

Focusing on the mystery is focusing on the journey – which is where endless possibilities unfold...

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What can we learn from Hollywood about balancing sexual 'yin and yang'? In this episode, we'll focus on sensuality as a pure act of giving, and on the importance of balance between the yin (sensuality) and the yang (assertiveness) of sex. 

Shifting from yang to yin asks us to unravel our unrealistic views of sex, and Hollywood occasionally provides the perfect how-to guide. Let's talk about three movies with scenes that perfectly capture yin sensuality...

The movies we discuss all focus on men performing sensual acts for women – but ALL genders crave sensuality. A back scratch, a hair massage in the shower, an affectionate touch in the middle of the day, all of these efforts allow the mystery to unfold between partners.

Focusing on the mystery is focusing on the journey – which is where endless possibilities unfold...

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Want to explore new moves with your partner, but don't know how to ask? How can Pursuers approach and encourage their Withdrawer partner to open their mind to new things?

Pursuers can get discouraged themselves after being rejected time and time again; They assume it is a hopeless attempt and stop trying, eventually resulting in pain, distance, and resentment.

When we want variety or want to suggest something new to our partner, energy and enthusiasm can carry the day. When there is reluctance, a Pursuer needs to resist the wish to fall back and at least bring their heart and passion.

On the flip side, the partner receiving the request can really support their partner’s vulnerability at asking, with encouragement and responsiveness.  Unfortunately, when a sexual Withdrawer is the suggester, it can feel like just a drop in the bucket compared to all that has been longed for.  Instead of receiving the new suggestion with grace and gratitude, it often becomes an opportunity for the sexual Pursuer to complain and feel disappointed.

In order for Withdrawers to feel safe enough to initiate or try new things, Pursuers must acknowledge their effort and vulnerability – no matter how "small." 

Pursuers – in order to open a conversation about sexual variety, ask your partner what THEY want and need, and tell them what YOU want and need. With your heart and deep vulnerability.

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Want to explore new moves with your partner, but don't know how to ask? How can Pursuers approach and encourage their Withdrawer partner to open their mind to new things?

Pursuers can get discouraged themselves after being rejected time and time again; They assume it is a hopeless attempt and stop trying, eventually resulting in pain, distance, and resentment.

When we want variety or want to suggest something new to our partner, energy and enthusiasm can carry the day. When there is reluctance, a Pursuer needs to resist the wish to fall back and at least bring their heart and passion.

On the flip side, the partner receiving the request can really support their partner’s vulnerability at asking, with encouragement and responsiveness.  Unfortunately, when a sexual Withdrawer is the suggester, it can feel like just a drop in the bucket compared to all that has been longed for.  Instead of receiving the new suggestion with grace and gratitude, it often becomes an opportunity for the sexual Pursuer to complain and feel disappointed.

In order for Withdrawers to feel safe enough to initiate or try new things, Pursuers must acknowledge their effort and vulnerability – no matter how "small." 

Pursuers – in order to open a conversation about sexual variety, ask your partner what THEY want and need, and tell them what YOU want and need. With your heart and deep vulnerability.

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All of us have struggles communicating, and these struggles often seep into the bedroom. As sex and couples therapists, we often run into couples who avoid talking about sex and sexual needs. Instead, they defer to an avoidant-style habit that can be a sex life killer: making assumptions. 

When we make up stories about our partner, it kills the curious drive that creates sexual magic. When we assume our partner knows what we want, we forfeit the possibility of getting our needs met. 

People make up stories and assumptions for understandable reasons. They do it to avoid embarrassment or vulnerability. They do it because they don't want to hurt their partner, make them feel insecure, or because communication wasn't received well in the past. But no matter the reason, we can't stop trying. The cost of not sharing is so much worse!

Let's talk about some practical solutions to breaking the habit of assumption, and talking explicitly to get better sex.

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All of us have struggles communicating, and these struggles often seep into the bedroom. As sex and couples therapists, we often run into couples who avoid talking about sex and sexual needs. Instead, they defer to an avoidant-style habit that can be a sex life killer: making assumptions. 

When we make up stories about our partner, it kills the curious drive that creates sexual magic. When we assume our partner knows what we want, we forfeit the possibility of getting our needs met. 

People make up stories and assumptions for understandable reasons. They do it to avoid embarrassment or vulnerability. They do it because they don't want to hurt their partner, make them feel insecure, or because communication wasn't received well in the past. But no matter the reason, we can't stop trying. The cost of not sharing is so much worse!

Let's talk about some practical solutions to breaking the habit of assumption, and talking explicitly to get better sex.

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Published 2021-09-10

300: The Shared Trauma of 9/11

32 min
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Where were you on 9/11? We all remember. It's been 20 years.

Most of us were stunned, watching the twin towers fall, but George was with the FDNY rushing to Ground Zero, following his training, following his instinct to get people out of there.

Listen up as he shares about the worst of times -- the horror of the day and months to come, searching for people who were still alive and finding none. And the best of times -- the support and love that people poured out to the first responders, to their neighbors -- the cohesion of a community and a nation united. "There's value in pain if we face it with others." -- George Faller

Today, we honor George and all the first responders who ran toward the danger. We send gratitude and peace to Kathy Faller for watching her young husband leave in the midst of chaos, not knowing what would happen and for holding down the fort afterwards. To both of them, we celebrate that in the midst of fear, they could turn towards each other and find comfort.

G - we love you! Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing with us.

#20YearsLater #911 #FirstResponders #NeverForget #SendingRespect #PrayingForYourPeace #LieutenantFaller #28Truck #BraveHearts #343FireFightersGone #HarlemHilton_Manhattan #HelpingCouples #SueJohnsonTrainsGeorge #DoctorLove

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Where were you on 9/11? We all remember. It's been 20 years.

Most of us were stunned, watching the twin towers fall, but George was with the FDNY rushing to Ground Zero, following his training, following his instinct to get people out of there.

Listen up as he shares about the worst of times -- the horror of the day and months to come, searching for people who were still alive and finding none. And the best of times -- the support and love that people poured out to the first responders, to their neighbors -- the cohesion of a community and a nation united. "There's value in pain if we face it with others." -- George Faller

Today, we honor George and all the first responders who ran toward the danger. We send gratitude and peace to Kathy Faller for watching her young husband leave in the midst of chaos, not knowing what would happen and for holding down the fort afterwards. To both of them, we celebrate that in the midst of fear, they could turn towards each other and find comfort.

G - we love you! Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing with us.

#20YearsLater #911 #FirstResponders #NeverForget #SendingRespect #PrayingForYourPeace #LieutenantFaller #28Truck #BraveHearts #343FireFightersGone #HarlemHilton_Manhattan #HelpingCouples #SueJohnsonTrainsGeorge #DoctorLove

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Couples who find themselves stuck in the boring and mundane are often couples who have failed to be vulnerable.

George uses a three-road analogy to explain why some couples remain in mediocracy. The High Road—the road of great energy, great sex, vacations, and excitement.

The Middle Road—the grind of everyday life. It’s doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and cooking dinner.

The Low Road—relationship depth. It’s diving into deep conversations, sharing, and vulnerability.

Failure in vulnerability reinforces our opposition to vulnerability and keeps us from exploring the Low Road. We perceive failure when we share with our partners, and they react by trying to fix us (yellow zone), blame us (yellow zone), or shutting down and saying nothing (red zone). Vulnerability contains a sense of danger.

When someone is vulnerable, it's important to understand that they are already in the yellow zone. Every couple must face the dilemma of addressing vulnerability. When our fears and triggers arise, if we draw closer to our partners and see beyond our triggers, we can rebalance our relationships. 

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Couples who find themselves stuck in the boring and mundane are often couples who have failed to be vulnerable.

George uses a three-road analogy to explain why some couples remain in mediocracy. The High Road—the road of great energy, great sex, vacations, and excitement.

The Middle Road—the grind of everyday life. It’s doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and cooking dinner.

The Low Road—relationship depth. It’s diving into deep conversations, sharing, and vulnerability.

Failure in vulnerability reinforces our opposition to vulnerability and keeps us from exploring the Low Road. We perceive failure when we share with our partners, and they react by trying to fix us (yellow zone), blame us (yellow zone), or shutting down and saying nothing (red zone). Vulnerability contains a sense of danger.

When someone is vulnerable, it's important to understand that they are already in the yellow zone. Every couple must face the dilemma of addressing vulnerability. When our fears and triggers arise, if we draw closer to our partners and see beyond our triggers, we can rebalance our relationships. 

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We always talk about sexual Pursuers and Withdrawers—those who seek sex and those who withdraw from it.

Because sexual Pursuers are usually the sexual initiator, they are often facing rejection. Over time they become anxious about initiating. For Pursuers, rejection goes beyond being told “no” when they make a sexual advance. Rejection also happens when they perceive or assume rejection. It may seem unfair but it feels true to the sexual Pursuer.

Pursuers are prone to stories from others, past experience, and ideas they tell themselves about what they will happen if they ask for sex. The feelings created by potentially false assumptions are as real as the sting of actual rejection and can leave a pit in their stomach.

Couples (Withdrawers and Pursuers) usually have opposite protective strategies which can create psychological, sexual tension and frustration from the negative cycle.

How can Withdrawers seek to understand and help their frustrated sexual Pursuer? We’re breaking down 5 ways Withdrawers can protect their partner from rejection!

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We always talk about sexual Pursuers and Withdrawers—those who seek sex and those who withdraw from it.

Because sexual Pursuers are usually the sexual initiator, they are often facing rejection. Over time they become anxious about initiating. For Pursuers, rejection goes beyond being told “no” when they make a sexual advance. Rejection also happens when they perceive or assume rejection. It may seem unfair but it feels true to the sexual Pursuer.

Pursuers are prone to stories from others, past experience, and ideas they tell themselves about what they will happen if they ask for sex. The feelings created by potentially false assumptions are as real as the sting of actual rejection and can leave a pit in their stomach.

Couples (Withdrawers and Pursuers) usually have opposite protective strategies which can create psychological, sexual tension and frustration from the negative cycle.

How can Withdrawers seek to understand and help their frustrated sexual Pursuer? We’re breaking down 5 ways Withdrawers can protect their partner from rejection!

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Published 2021-08-27

297: When Does Sex Become Compulsive?

32 min
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It is believed that 3-6% of people in the U.S. struggle with sexual compulsion, all genders can be affected. Sometimes sexual activities become compulsive and lead to damaging pattern in people's relationships and work lives.

Defining sexual compulsion is best done by identifying certain patterns and behaviors... Some of these include overindulging in porn, loss in interest in sex with their partner, having a "secret" life seeking seeking sexual activities elsewhere, the escalation of risky sexual behaviors, or neglecting responsibilities due to their sex addiction.

It’s difficult for many to understand what drives a person into these behaviors, which are clearly antithetical to relationships and how love-making bonds us to our partner. How do we understand and begin healing sexual addiction?

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It is believed that 3-6% of people in the U.S. struggle with sexual compulsion, all genders can be affected. Sometimes sexual activities become compulsive and lead to damaging pattern in people's relationships and work lives.

Defining sexual compulsion is best done by identifying certain patterns and behaviors... Some of these include overindulging in porn, loss in interest in sex with their partner, having a "secret" life seeking seeking sexual activities elsewhere, the escalation of risky sexual behaviors, or neglecting responsibilities due to their sex addiction.

It’s difficult for many to understand what drives a person into these behaviors, which are clearly antithetical to relationships and how love-making bonds us to our partner. How do we understand and begin healing sexual addiction?

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