The Divorce Course Podcast

🎧 Listen to This Episode If…

• You want a real, plain-English breakdown of filing fees, hourly rates, disclosure costs, and consent orders

• You're terrified to leave because you've heard divorce costs hundreds of thousands of dollars

• Your ex is telling you "leave the lawyers out of it" and you're not sure if they're right

• You've already started racking up legal fees and you're wondering where it's all going

• You want to understand exactly what you can do yourself versus what you actually need a lawyer for

• You're heading into mediation and don't know if you need a barrister too

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws and court fees may have changed since this episode was recorded (figures quoted reflect May 2026 pricing).

📝 Episode Summary

You've heard the horror stories someone spent $750,000 on legal fees. Someone else burned through $20,000 before anything even happened. And now you're sitting there wondering if divorce is something you can actually afford.

But this isn't an episode designed to scare you. It's the opposite. Laura and Lyn walk you through where you have control, where you can save thousands by doing the work yourself, and why the disclosure phase is the single biggest opportunity to keep costs down. You'll learn why "string them along" is a tactic to watch for, why your lawyer is not your therapist, and why going to court can sometimes actually be cheaper than endless negotiation.

If cost is the reason you've been stuck, this episode is the one to listen to.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – The Real Cost of Divorce: Why Some Pay $4K and Others $300K

01:40 – Legal Disclaimer & What This Episode Covers

02:36 – The Big Three Fears: Cost, Kids, and "I Got Nothing"

04:14 – How Much Does a Divorce Application Actually Cost? ($1,125 in 2026)

06:35 – Why Lawyers Charge for "Accepting Service" of Your Divorce

08:01 – Negotiation Costs: Why One Letter Can Cost $2,000

11:00 – Hourly Rates in 2026: $400 to $1,000+ Per Hour

12:30 – The Cost of Phone Calls, Reviewing Offers & Meetings

14:30 – How Much to Draft Consent Orders ($2,640–$4,000)

16:00 – Disclosure: The Biggest Budget Blowout in Divorce

19:00 – Paralegal Rates vs Lawyer Rates: Don't Overpay

20:30 – Drip-Feeding vs Dumping Disclosure: Get the Balance Right

23:30 – Mediation Costs: $5,000 Mediator + $5,610 in Lawyer Time

24:50 – Do You Need a Barrister at Mediation? ($7,000–$10,000)

27:00 – Half-Day vs Full-Day Mediation: Saving Money Strategically

29:30 – Hidden Costs: Photocopying, Scanning, File Notes & Emails

32:30 – The Court's Scale of Fees vs What Lawyers Actually Charge

33:30 – How Sending Late-Night Emails Costs You Money

34:30 – How People Waste Money: Letting Your Ex Control the Pace

35:30 – Fighting Over Furniture, Revenge Litigation & Lawyer-as-Therapist

36:30 – Stubbornness, Unrealistic Expectations & Knowing When to Let Go

37:30 – Family Law Doesn't Deliver Justice or Retribution

39:00 – How Much to File Consent Orders ($205 Court Fee)

41:00 – How to Be Smart: When to Use a Lawyer and When Not To

41:30 – Saving Thousands on Disclosure by Doing It Yourself

43:00 – The One Meeting Strategy: Walk In Prepared, Walk Out Saving $10K

46:00 – Who Pays for Legal Fees? Section 114UB Explained

47:30 – Fee Exemptions, Cost Agreements & What to Expect

48:30 – The Free Webinar: 5 Biggest Mistakes & How to Avoid Them

49:30 – Laura's Confession: The Bag of Receipts Story

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

1. How to Choose a Mediator (Free vs Private Mediation)

https://youtu.be/HKda6QswjAE?si=R27SD6WSDiLiI3VA

2. Do You Need a Lawyer for Mediation?

https://youtu.be/GB2lJftxdh4?si=ur8ZMCkzPQ9dYFZN

3. Furniture in Divorce: How to Deal With It Without Blowing Your Budget

https://youtu.be/oZ5h-gxckXU

4. Consent Orders Explained

https://youtu.be/-DC72tq8FRM

📚 Links & Resources

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)

📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14

🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)

🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

🎟️ Free Webinar — Register at www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat")

Legislation referenced

• Family Law Act 1975 – Section 114UB (each party bears their own costs)

https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/

Court fees referenced

• FCFCOA filing fees

• https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/costs

• https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/legal-costs

Downloadable resource

• The Divorce Course Disclosure Checklist —https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosure_checklist_o

If this episode helped you finally understand where the money goes in divorce – and where you can save thousands – please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn

Your Guides By Your Side

Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to This Episode If…

• You've been told you have to go to mediation and you don't know where to start

• Your ex has already chosen a mediator and something feels off

• You can't afford the expensive mediator your ex is pushing for

• You're going through family violence and worried no mediator will take your matter

• You don't know the difference between free mediation and private mediation

• You want to know whether your mediator actually needs to be a lawyer

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is general information only it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded.

🛟 Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode discusses family violence and the challenges of mediating where there is a history of abuse, coercion, or control. If you or someone you know is in danger, call 000. For confidential support: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

Episode Summary

You don't have to accept whichever mediator gets put in front of you. In this episode, Laura and Mum (family law accredited specialist Lynette Galvin) unpack one of the most under-discussed parts of separation how to actually choose a good mediator, and how to push back when the one your ex is suggesting doesn't feel right.

They cover the difference between free mediation (Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare) and private mediation, when you need an FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner) versus when you don't, and whether your mediator really needs to be a lawyer or a former judge. Mum shares the exact wording she uses in letters when the other side proposes a biased or unaffordable mediator including the "panel of three" approach that keeps the process fair.

There's also an honest conversation about the gap in the system for people experiencing family violence, where mediators often refuse to take the matter on leaving survivors stuck heading to court when mediation could have solved the issue. Laura and Mum talk about what to look for in a mediator brave enough to handle high-conflict matters, and the practical safety steps (separate rooms, video links, safe exits) you can ask about.

And there's the reminder you might need most: you hold the cards. You don't have to agree to anything in mediation just because you've been pushed to. You can pause, walk away, and come back when you're ready.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – How to Choose a Mediator: Why It Matters More Than You Think

01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Why Mum Is a Qualified Mediator

01:40 – Can the Mediator Make or Break Your Mediation?

02:30 – How Lawyers Choose Mediators (And Their "Bottom of the Barrel" List)

03:40 – Can You Speak to a Mediator Before Choosing? Why Mum Says No

04:20 – How to Use Google Reviews to Vet a Mediator

05:30 – What Qualifications a Mediator Should Have (FDRP Explained)

07:00 – Does Your Mediator Need to Be a Lawyer? Property vs Children

08:30 – Why Social Workers Often Make the Best Children's Mediators

09:30 – Mediation and Family Violence: The Gap in the System

12:20 – Can You Change Mediators Halfway Through? The Honest Answer

13:50 – Red Flags: Biased, Agenda-Driven and "In Cahoots" Mediators

16:00 – When the Mediator's Office Is Next Door to Your Ex's Lawyer

17:00 – How to Push Back Without Slandering the Mediator

18:30 – What to Do If Your Ex Picks an Expensive Mediator You Can't Afford

19:30 – Free Mediation Options: Relationships Australia, Interrelate, CentreCare

20:20 – How Much Does a Private Mediator Cost? ($5K–$6K Reality Check)

21:30 – Why Free Services Have Long Wait Lists (And When to Go Private)

22:30 – The "Panel of Three" Letter Strategy You Can Use Today

24:00 – Should You Pay More If Your Case Is Serious?

24:50 – Free Mediation Pros and Cons (And Why Parenting Plans Aren't Enforceable)

27:40 – Private Mediators: Former Judges, Barristers and the "Iron Fist in Velvet Glove"

29:30 – Facilitative vs Evaluative vs Pure Mediation Styles Explained

31:30 – Can You Ask the Mediator If You're Getting a Good Deal? No.

32:30 – Pressure to Sign on the Day: How to Push Back

33:40 – Mediation Is Like a Boat in the Ocean — Pick Wisely

35:30 – How to Write the "Panel of Three" Letter to Your Ex

36:30 – Best Mediator Style by Ex Personality Type

38:30 – If You're Amicable, You Might Not Need Mediation At All

39:30 – You Hold the Cards: Don't Be Bullied Into an Agreement

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

What Actually Happens Inside a Mediation - https://open.spotify.com/episode/2BvkcVNcHNrdWmXALC6bsA?si=31f56fce3c8d48a6

What a divorce mediator wish you knew - https://open.spotify.com/episode/4zeUIkV3O5LTQAHi0dXOGL?si=644698cb744647a8

📚 Links & Resources

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 DV support)

📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14

🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)

🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

Find an Accredited FDRP (Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner):

Attorney-General's Department — https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/family-dispute-resolution

Free / Low-Cost Mediation Services:

• Relationships Australia — https://www.relationships.org.au

• Interrelate — https://www.interrelate.org.au

• CentreCare — https://centacare.com

Find a Family Law Accredited Specialist or Mediator:

• Queensland Law Society — https://www.qls.com.au

• Bar Association of Queensland — https://www.qldbar.asn.au

• (Or your state's equivalent Law Society / Bar Association)

The Divorce Course Free Webinar:

www.thedivorcecourse.com.au — click "Reserve My Seat"

Closing CTA

If this episode helped you understand how to choose a mediator who'll actually work for you, please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others heading into mediation can find this information too.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn

Your Guides By Your Side

Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You've been told "add-backs are dead" by your lawyer or your ex
• Your ex is wasting the property pool and you don't know how to stop it
• You've watched assets disappear since separation bank accounts, cars, super
• You're heading into mediation and need to know what to argue
• You want to understand what the Shinohara & Shinohara Case and Shamon & Sharon Case actually mean for your case
• You're worried about delay tactics while your ex quietly drains the joint money

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is general information only – it is not legal advice. The content reflects Australian family law and may not apply to your specific situation or jurisdiction. Always consult a qualified family lawyer about your individual circumstances. Laws may have changed since this episode was recorded.

Episode Summary

You may have heard the rumour – "add-backs are dead." Lawyers are quoting it, ex-partners are using it as an excuse, and people are panicking that there's nothing they can do when the property pool is being drained. In this episode, Laura and Mum unpack what add-backs actually are, why people think they've disappeared, and what the courts are really doing about wastage now.

The short answer? Add-backs aren't on the balance sheet anymore but wastage is absolutely still considered. Thanks to Shinohara & Shinohara [2025], the courts have stopped putting "imaginary money" into the property pool. But thanks to Section 79(5)(d) of the Family Law Act and the case of Shamon & Shamon [2025], wastage now adjusts the percentage split of what's left – and in Shamon, that meant the wife walked away with nearly 100% of the property pool plus costs.

Mum walks through what counts as wastage (selling assets cheap, gambling, blowing money post-separation, gifting funds to a new partner), what doesn't (post-separation income spent on living, ordinary marital spending), and how to protect the property pool before your ex empties it. She also explains exactly what to consider saying if a lawyer or mediator quotes Shinohara at you including the section number, the case names, and the strategy that works.

If you suspect your ex is wasting money or stalling property settlement, this is the episode to listen to before you do anything else.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Are Add-Backs Dead? The Property Pool Myth Going Around

01:00 – Legal Disclaimer & Australian Family Law Context

01:30 – What Is an Add-Back in Property Settlement?

03:15 – The Townsend Case: How Add-Backs Used to Work

04:25 – Property Pool vs Balance Sheet: What's the Difference?

05:25 – The 4 Steps of Property Settlement Explained

05:50 – Why People Think Add-Backs Are Dead: Shinohara Explained

07:15 – "Don't Put Pretend Money on the Balance Sheet"

07:55 – The Real Risk: Ex Spending Everything Before Settlement

08:45 – How Wastage Is Handled Now: Section 79(5)(d)

10:00 – Percentage Adjustments Instead of Balance Sheet Add-Backs

11:30 – The Shamon Case: Wife Got Nearly 100% Plus Costs

13:50 – What to Do If Your Ex Has Already Drained the Pool

14:30 – How to Protect the Property Pool: Caveats Explained

17:00 – Protecting Joint Bank Accounts and Cash

17:50 – Superannuation, Cars and Other Assets

19:50 – Arguing Wastage in Mediation (Not Court)

21:00 – How to Respectfully Tell Your Lawyer They're Wrong

24:30 – Free Webinar Reminder

24:40 – What to Write to Your Ex Before Settlement

26:25 – What Counts as Wastage: Kowaliw, Gambling & More

27:30 – Is Drinking and Drug Use Considered Wastage?

28:15 – Gifts to a New Partner: The Gollings & Scott Case

29:30 – Reckless Spending vs Ordinary Spending

30:15 – Bad Business Decisions Post-Separation

31:10 – So Are Add-Backs Dead? The Final Answer

32:30 – What Evidence You Need to Prove Wastage

33:50 – The Mechanism Has Changed, the Outcome Hasn't

34:25 – Your Toolkit: Section 79(5)(d) of the Family Law Act, Shamon, Townsend, Weir

35:30 – Why Acting Fast Matters in Financial Abuse

36:55 – Reviewer of the Month: Manal from Australia

38:30 – Final Thoughts: Wastage Rules

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

1. Equalisation of Super: The Myth That Won't Die

https://youtu.be/YFkOnEsNybw?si=LAQd2SUq_YRVl9Ts

3. The Gilded Cage: Delay Tactics in Property Settlement

https://youtu.be/cs6-jHDt-Qk?si=ufuSLLwVmasbQKsL

4. Financial Abuse and Hidden Assets

https://youtu.be/D3-fV8C4gkM?si=JQMk6eqMXWUktsUf

📚 Links & Resources

📞 1800 RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 support)

📞 Lifeline — 13 11 14

🚓 Police — 000 (immediate danger)

🌐 The Divorce Course — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

🎓 The Divorce Course Podcast — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/blog

🎟️ Free Webinar — www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (click "Reserve My Seat")

Cases Mentioned

• Shinohara & Shinohara [2025] — the case people are misreading https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/126.html
• Shamon & Shamon [2025] — https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/150.html
• Townsend & Townsend — the original add-back case (the taxi)
• Weir & Weir — the quarry / missing gravel case
• Kowaliw & Kowaliw [1981] — the trashed family home case
• Gollings & Scott — the engagement ring / post-separation income case

Legislation

• Family Law Act 1975 — Section 79(4), Section 79(5)(d) — https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html
• Family Law Act 1975 — Section 90SM (de facto equivalent)

If this episode helped you understand wastage and feel ready to push back when someone says "add-backs are dead," please follow, rate, review, and share The Divorce Course Podcast so others going through the same thing can find this information too.

All our best,

Laura & Lyn

Your Guides By Your Side

Co-Hosts of THE DIVORCE COURSE PODCAST

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You want to understand if domestic violence can affect your property or parenting outcome

• You've been told by a lawyer to "leave the family violence out" of your case

• You're scared raising coercive control or domestic violence will backfire on you in mediation

• You're confused by social media saying the courts ignore family violence

• Your ex is still using coercive behaviour even after separation

• You're heading into mediation or court and don't know how to bring it up

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, post-separation abuse, and the impact of these behaviours on children, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe or experiencing family violence, please reach out for support.

Support is available in Australia: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

This podcast provides general educational information about Australian family law only and is not legal advice. Laura is not a lawyer. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances.

Episode Summary

Should you bring up coercive control and domestic violence in your family law case… or will it backfire?

If you've been online lately, you've probably seen wildly different opinions. Some people insist the courts ignore family violence completely. Others say the system is finally taking it seriously. And then there are the lawyers quietly telling clients to "just leave it out so we can settle." So who's right?

In this episode, Mum and I unpack how coercive control and domestic violence are actually treated in Australian family law right now and the recent appeal cases that show the courts are starting to listen. We walk through real 2023 and 2024 decisions including Burnell & Rockford, Lainhart & Elinson, Dejani & Dejani, and Sad & Raymond cases your lawyer may not have caught up with yet.

We talk about Section 4AB, Section 75, and Section 79 of the Family Law Act, why mediators sometimes forget you're still being coercively controlled while sitting across from your ex, and the very real "peace at any price" trap that costs people thousands in their settlement.

If you've been silenced, dismissed, or told it's not worth raising this episode is for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Coercive Control & Domestic Violence in Family Court: Should You Raise It?

01:00 – Meet Laura & Lynette: Family Law Mum & Daughter Duo

02:00 – Trigger Warning & Legal Disclaimer (Australia & Overseas)

03:00 – Why Social Media Gets Coercive Control So Wrong

04:00 – Why Lawyers Tell Clients to Leave It Out (And Why It's Wrong)

05:00 – Judge Best's Powerful Speech: "Soften Your Gaze"

06:00 – Why Both Parents Having Issues Doesn't Mean Equal Blame

07:00 – Section 4AB: The Family Violence Definition That Changed Everything

09:00 – Why Courts Now MUST Consider Family Violence Allegations

10:00 – The Old Kennon Case vs The New Law: What Changed

11:00 – Choosing the Right Lawyer When Domestic Violence Is Involved

12:00 – "Don't Raise It Or You Won't Settle" — The Lawyer Myth

13:00 – When NOT to Mention Family Violence in Property Mediation

14:00 – The Smarter Way to Negotiate Coercive Control in Mediation

16:00 – Parenting Cases: Why You MUST Raise Family Violence

17:00 – Lainhart & Elinson 2023: The Appeal Case Every Mum Should Know

18:00 – Section 60CC: Safety of Children Now Comes First

19:00 – Why Parents Don't Tell Lawyers the Full Truth (And Why You Must)

20:00 – Coercive Control in Parenting Cases Explained

21:00 – Counselling Orders: When the Court Mistakes Lip Service for Change

23:00 – False Alienation Claims: The New Coercive Control Tactic

24:00 – 50/50 Is No Longer the Default — Here's What Replaced It

26:00 – Free Divorce Webinar With Lynette (Family Law Specialist)

27:00 – Property Settlement: How Domestic Violence Affects Your Percentage

28:00 – Kennon & Kennon: The Original Family Violence Property Case

30:00 – Dejani & Dejani: When a Child's Health Issue Was Hidden

32:00 – Burnell & Rockford 2024: Coercive Control in Property Settlement

34:00 – Financial Abuse and PIN Numbers: What the Court Decided

35:00 – Why You Need These Cases at Your Mediation

37:00 – How Lawyers Use Cases as Negotiation Leverage

38:00 – Section 79 & Notice of Risk: The Mediation Framework

40:00 – Adding Percentage in Mediation Without Saying Why

41:00 – Why You Must Disclose Family Violence in Parenting Negotiations

43:00 – Settlement vs Court: The 10 Questions You Should Ask Yourself

44:00 – Why Mediators Forget You're Still Being Controlled

45:00 – How to Prove Coercive Control: Affidavits That Stand Up

47:00 – The Biggest Mistake: Peace at Any Price Mentality

48:00 – Why Post-Separation Abuse Often Gets Worse

49:00 – Don't Compromise on Children — Stand Your Ground

50:00 – Final Thoughts: It's Their Shame, Not Yours

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. How to Put Coercive Control Into Writing for Court

https://youtu.be/SIyXCGXH5nw?si=-7tLxmBpVQb2dNOv

2. Is It Family Violence? A Walk Through the Family Law Act

https://youtu.be/YCddFx9cs_Y?si=DbJU6ePYSxDZFrEn

3. Settling vs Going to Court: 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

https://youtu.be/gYpW3znoY28?si=pdg6wWbjMWttMH94

📚 Cases Mentioned (Take These to Your Lawyer)

• Burnell & Rockford (2024) — Coercive control and financial abuse in property settlement https://austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC2F/2024/468.html

• Lainhart & Elinson (2023) — Full Court appeal, Deputy Chief Justice McClelland — family violence in parenting https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2023/200.html

• Dajani & Dajani [2025] FedCFamC1A 28 (26 February 2025) — Hidden health issues in children and the impact on contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/28.html

• Sayed & Rehmann [2025] FedCFamC1A 145 (21 August 2025) — Family violence and property contributions https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/145.html

• Kennon & Kennon — The original family violence and property settlement case (Section 75)

📰 Resources Mentioned

Article: "Judge urges profession to soften your gaze when dealing with domestic and family violence" — QLS Proctor, 27 March 2024 (Federal Circuit & Family Court Judge Hannah Cara Best) https://www.qlsproctor.com.au/2026/03/judge-urges-profession-to-soften-your-gaze-when-dealing-with-dfv/

Family Law Act 1975 — Sections 4AB, 60CC, 75, 79 https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4ab.html

🆘 Links & Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 (24/7 family violence support)

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

• Emergency – 000

• The Divorce Course – www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

• Free Webinar with Lynette (family law accredited specialist) — register at thedivorcecourse.com.au

If this episode helped you feel braver about raising coercive control and domestic violence in your family law matter, please follow, rate, review, and share the podcast it helps other people in coercively controlling situations find this information too. You are not alone, and you don't have to stay silent.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You're about to go through property settlement in divorce

• You're focused on the percentage but unsure what it actually means

• You're dealing with complex finances (trusts, companies, super, shares) or Simple Property Settlement

• You want to avoid making a financial mistake that costs you years

• You're wondering whether to take the house, cash, super or investments

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer & ⚠️ Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, and financial control, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe or need support: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

This podcast provides general educational information only and is not legal or financial advice. Please seek professional guidance tailored to your situation.

Most people going through property settlement are focused on one thing…

👉 What percentage am I going to get?

But here's what most people don't realise…

Two people can walk away with the same 50/50 split and end up in completely different financial positions.

Because it's not just about the percentage… 👉 it's about what that percentage actually looks like in your life.

In this episode, Mum and I sit down with financial planner Pedro Marin and break down the four key steps a financial planner takes during property settlement so you can avoid costly mistakes and actually set yourself up for your future.

We talk about everything from figuring out what's in your property pool, to deciding how to structure your settlement, to planning your future and finally, making sure everything is actually set up properly after the deal is done.

Because getting a settlement is one thing… 👉 making it work for your life is another.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Divorce Property Settlement: It's Not Just the Percentage 01:22 – Meet Financial Planner Pedro Marin 04:04 – Why Financial Planning Matters in Divorce 08:01 – Step 1: Mapping Your Property Pool in Divorce 10:46 – Trusts & Companies in Divorce Explained 12:46 – Step 2: How to Structure Your Property Settlement 15:41 – Cash vs Property vs Super vs Shares in Divorce 23:20 – Step 3: Planning Your Financial Future After Divorce 24:48 – Financial Advice Risks: What You Need to Know 25:32 – Setting Financial Goals After Separation 28:58 – When to Start Financial Planning in Divorce 32:41 – Using the Same Financial Planner as Your Ex 34:52 – Budgeting for Mediation & Property Settlement 37:30 – Step 4: Implementing Your Divorce Settlement 40:20 – Insurance, Risk & Protection After Divorce 43:49 – Wills, Estate Planning & Protecting Your Children 47:25 – Biggest Mistake: Emotional Decisions in Divorce 49:35 – How to Work With a Financial Planner (Pedro Marin) 51:19 – Final Takeaways & Legal Disclaimer

🎧 Additional Episodes Mentioned

• Weapons of Tax Destruction https://youtu.be/tsDlMphLRWk?si=1Fbpw7XJy9jxCK20

• Living Arrangements: Should You Keep or Sell the House? https://youtu.be/wknV5CB90yY?si=HGwH5m1AtXba5k7G

🔗 Links & Resources

• 🌐 Marin Wealth: https://marinwealth.com.au/

• 📥 Free Checklists: https://thedivorcecourse.com.au

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

If this episode helped you think differently about your property settlement, make sure you follow, rate, review, and share the podcast — because someone else out there needs to hear this before they make a costly mistake.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You're arguing over furniture or household items in divorce

• Your ex has taken everything or won't give anything back

• You've been told "you can't take anything if you leave"

• You want to avoid wasting money on legal fees over small items

• You're trying to work out what's actually fair vs worth fighting for

Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Trigger Warning

This episode contains discussion of family violence, coercive control, and separation dynamics, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are unsafe, do not attempt to retrieve belongings alone.

This podcast provides general educational information only and is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance tailored to your circumstances.

What happens to all the "stuff" when you separate?

Everyone talks about the house, the bank accounts, and the kids… but no one really talks about the furniture, the appliances, the artwork and yes, even the toilet brush.

In this episode, Mum and I unpack what actually happens to household contents in a property settlement, and why these seemingly small things can end up causing some of the biggest fights.

We break down what the law really says (and what it doesn't say), whether it matters who paid for something, and why arguing over furniture can end up costing you far more in legal fees than the item is even worth.

We also walk through four practical ways to divide furniture based on your ex's personality type whether they're amicable, avoidant, high conflict, or controlling so you can sort it out without derailing your entire settlement.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Furniture in Divorce: Common Myths You Need to Know

01:40 – Safety, Legal Disclaimer & Family Violence Warning

02:36 – What the Law Says About Furniture in Divorce

03:03 – Who Owns Furniture After Separation?

07:02 – Divorce and Possession: Who Keeps What?

07:41 – Myth: Do You Lose Furniture If You Leave the House?

09:45 – Cost vs Value: Is Furniture Worth Fighting Over?

11:32 – Emotional Furniture Fights in Divorce Explained

13:58 – Amicable Divorce: The Two List Method (Simple Solution)

16:24 – Avoidant Ex: How to Pack, Send & Move Their Stuff

18:54 – Shed Disputes & When to Get Legal Advice

20:54 – Free Divorce Resources You Can Use

21:43 – When to Move Out During Divorce (Timing Matters)

22:41 – High Conflict Divorce: Should You Sell Everything?

24:50 – Valuing Furniture in Divorce Negotiations

27:55 – Biggest Mistakes People Make With Furniture

31:11 – Don't Let Furniture Ruin Your Property Settlement

34:03 – Mindset Shift: It's Not About the Stuff

35:30 – Fresh Start After Divorce: Letting Go

39:47 – Final Takeaways: Fairness & Moving Forward

🎧 Additional Episodes Mentioned

• What About Their Stuff and Belongings? (Referenced when discussing how to handle an ex leaving items behind or refusing to collect them) https://youtu.be/T_tQUbhBxbQ?si=kt1ChMF08dquxgkr

Links & Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

If this episode helped you rethink how to approach the "stuff" in your separation, make sure you follow, rate, review, and share the podcast so others can avoid getting stuck in the same fights.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You or your ex has a serious illness or disability

• You've been a carer during the relationship

• You have ongoing medical expenses

• You're worried about future financial support after separation

• You want to understand how courts assess health in property settlement

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and provides general information about Australian family law. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

What happens in a property settlement when serious illness is part of the story?

In this episode, Mum (a family law specialist and family lawyer) and I unpack one of the most emotional and often misunderstood areas of family law: how health issues, illness, and medical needs may impact your property settlement percentage.

Because when you're going through separation, you're not just dividing assets… You're also dealing with uncertainty, fear, ongoing treatment, and the reality of what life will look like moving forward.

We talk about what happens if:

• you cared for a sick partner for years

• you are the one who is unwell

• there are ongoing medical expenses

• or even if someone has a life-limiting illness

We break down how the court looks at contributions vs future needs, why simply saying "I'm unwell" isn't enough, and how these factors can actually shift the percentages in your property settlement.

If illness has played a role in your relationship on either side this episode will help you understand how the law approaches it, and what it might mean for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline - Health and Divorce: How Illness May Affect Property Settlement Percentage

00:00 – Illness and Divorce: How Health Impacts Property Settlement

00:22 – Why Health Changes Everything in Divorce Outcomes

01:32 – Meet the Hosts & Divorce Episode Overview

01:57 – Real Story: Endometriosis and Divorce Costs

03:07 – Divorce Property Settlement Explained (Step-by-Step)

04:38 – Caring for a Sick Partner in Divorce: Does It Count?

07:43 – What If You're the Sick Partner in Divorce?

09:46 – Divorce and Spousal Maintenance: Your Options

11:37 – Life Expectancy & Divorce Future Needs Explained

15:47 – Medical Expenses, Kids & Divorce (NDIS Explained)

19:12 – Proving Medical Needs in Divorce Settlements

21:00 – Short-Term vs Long-Term Illness in Divorce

21:41 – Temporary vs Chronic Illness in Divorce Cases

23:34 – Open-Ended Spousal Maintenance in Divorce

24:46 – Remission, Recovery & Divorce Medical Evidence

27:43 – How to Prove Illness in Divorce Court

30:18 – Divorce Surveillance, Fraud Claims & Mental Health

32:48 – When Both Parties Are Sick in Divorce

33:34 – Financial Obligations After Divorce Separation

35:19 – Divorce Agreements: Risks You Need to Know

37:20 – Rapid Fire Divorce Questions About Illness

39:07 – Divorce Mediation Tips When Illness Is Involved

40:46 – The Emotional Reality of Illness in Divorce

42:15 – Final Thoughts: Advocating for Yourself in Divorce

🎧 Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

1️⃣ Consent Orders vs Binding Financial Agreements - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5qgGhdAl5UaOo7LHb2Yf5Y?si=OFf8umvVQ7KAbzntw6AnVg

2️⃣ The Divorce Course (Program / Course Reference) www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

⚠️ Family Violence & Sensitive Content

This episode discusses illness, vulnerability, and complex family dynamics, which may be distressing for some listeners.

If you need support in Australia: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and provides general information about Australian family law. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

If this episode helped you better understand how health can impact your divorce, please make sure to follow, rate, review, and share the podcast it helps others going through the same thing find this information too.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You feel like your ex knows things they shouldn't

• You suspect you're being tracked, monitored, or watched

• You're going through separation and worried about digital safety

• Your ex had access to your devices, passwords, or accounts

• You want to protect yourself and your children from tech-based abuse

What if your ex knew where you were… who you were talking to… and what you were saying — without you ever telling them?

In this episode, we're joined by Catherine Plunkett, Director of Safety Net Australia at WESNET, to unpack the growing reality of technology-facilitated abuse in relationships and after separation.

Because abuse doesn't always leave bruises.

Sometimes it looks like:

• your ex showing up where you are unexpectedly

• knowing things you never told them

• accessing your messages, accounts, or location

And increasingly, this is becoming one of the most common forms of domestic and family violence.

We break down what tech abuse actually is, how it happens, the warning signs to look for, and most importantly what you can do to protect yourself and your children.

If something doesn't feel right, this episode will help you understand what might be happening and what steps you can take next.

⏱️ Episode Timeline - Is Your Ex Watching You? Tech Abuse in Divorce Explained

00:00 – Is Your Ex Spying on You? Hidden Tech Abuse Signs

01:35 – What Is Tech Abuse? How It Works in Relationships

05:10 – How Common Is Digital Abuse After Separation?

06:52 – Tracking Apps, Spyware & How People Monitor You

12:06 – Warning Signs Your Phone or Accounts Are Compromised

16:20 – What NOT to Do If You Suspect You're Being Watched

18:00 – Digital Safety Checks & Getting the Right Support

20:33 – Safe Phones, New Devices & Protecting Your Accounts

23:12 – That "Alarm Feeling": Trusting Your Instincts

24:11 – Smart Homes & Hidden Tracking Risks You Didn't Expect

26:31 – Cars, GPS & How Vehicles Can Track You

27:45 – Digital Safety Checklist: Steps You Can Take Today

30:47 – How Kids Can Be Used in Tech Monitoring

35:20 – AI, Deepfakes & The Future of Digital Abuse

38:39 – Where to Get Help for Tech Abuse

41:17 – Your Right to Privacy and Safe Communication

42:27 – What Safety Net Australia Does for Victims

44:19 – Final Thoughts, Support & Next Steps

🔗 Links & Resources

• Safety Net Australia – https://techsafety.org.au

• eSafety Commissioner – https://www.esafety.gov.au

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14

⚠️ Family Violence Disclaimer

This episode contains discussion of family violence and may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are experiencing domestic or family violence, support is available: 📞 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 🚨 In an emergency, call 000

⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational purposes only and discusses general concepts. It is not legal advice. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your circumstances.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You've been told to attend mediation but feel unsafe agreeing to child care arrangements

• Your ex is pushing for 50/50 care and you don't believe it's appropriate for the kids

• You're dealing with substance abuse, family violence, or safety concerns and your child's safety

• You feel pressured to compromise at mediation when you don't want to

• You want to understand your options without giving in on safety

Have you been told you need to go to mediation, but you're worried about the outcome because you simply cannot budge when it comes to your child's safety?

Has your ex demanded 50/50 care, but deep down you know that arrangement isn't in your child's best interests right now?

We talk about how to approach mediation when you feel stuck, how to clearly communicate your concerns, and the practical options that may be discussed including supervised time, stepped arrangements, and drug and alcohol testing.

If you're feeling pressured, overwhelmed, or unsure how to stand your ground, this episode will help you navigate mediation with clarity and confidence.

⏱️ Episode Timeline -Refusing 50/50 Care? What to Do in Mediation When Your Child's Safety Comes First

[00:00] – Mediation With Safety Fears

[02:33] – What Mediation Really Is

[05:40] – Holding The Safety Line Why you don't have to agree to unsafe arrangements just to reach an outcome.

[06:37] – Define The Real Risks How to clearly identify and communicate your specific safety concerns.

[09:27] – What Courts Call Unsafe Understanding how the court views risk and safety in parenting matters.

[10:33] – Supervised Time Options Exploring supervised contact as a way to maintain relationships safely.

[12:56] – Choosing Contact Centres How supervised contact works and what to consider when selecting a centre.

[16:34] – Cutting Contact And Court Optics What happens if time is stopped altogether and how it may be viewed legally.

[18:43] – Stepped Parenting Orders Using gradual increases in time to build safety and trust over time.

[21:26] – Therapy Conditions And Pitfalls When therapy is suggested, what to watch out for and potential risks.

[23:06] – Drug And Alcohol Testing How testing can be used to address concerns and create accountability.

[26:25] – Costs And Waitlists The practical realities of supervision services and delays.

[26:45] – Paying For Supervision Who pays for supervised time and how this is handled.

[27:28] – Preparing For Mediation How to go into mediation feeling clear, confident, and prepared.

[28:13] – When They Refuse Supervision What to do if the other parent won't agree to safe options.

[28:48] – Best Interests Not 50/50 Why equal time is not automatic and must reflect the child's needs.

[30:40] – Court View On Refusal How the court may interpret refusal to compromise or engage.

[33:27] – Holding Your Safety Line Practical ways to stay firm without escalating conflict.

[35:17] – If Mediation Hits Impasse What happens when no agreement is reached and what comes next.

[38:17] – Costs Threats Reality Check Addressing fear around legal costs and pressure tactics.

[39:07] – Using Mediation For Property How mediation can still be useful even if parenting isn't resolved.

[43:16] – Authenticity And Support Staying grounded, supported, and focused during a difficult process.

⚖️ Family Violence & Legal Disclaimer

This episode contains discussion of family violence and may be distressing for some listeners.

If you are affected, please consider listening with support or contact: Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14 1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732

This podcast is for educational purposes only and discusses general concepts in Australian family law. Every situation is different, and you should seek independent professional guidance for your specific circumstances.

🔗 Helpful Resources

• 1800 RESPECT – National Domestic Violence Support

• Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14

• Relationships Australia (Supervised Contact Services)

• Parenting communication apps: OurFamilyWizard, AppClose

🎧 Recommended Episodes

• Mediation: What It Is (and What It Isn't) https://youtu.be/YvcWAYuG4QA?si=hSiXFvVDaFDV4J6v

• Understanding the Best Interests of the Child (Section 60CC) https://youtu.be/k4-QTbfW8XM?si=SDzN2cIzO4FtlMQu

• Mediation Series: How to Prepare and What to Expect https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=TqUcJvQzmd2MMNJc

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You are about to negotiate parenting orders or a parenting plan

• Your coparent is high conflict, manipulative or controlling

• You're worried they will twist agreements or exploit loopholes

• You're preparing for mediation or family court for parenting orders

• You want parenting orders that actually reduce future arguments

Family Violence & Legal Disclaimer

This episode contains discussion of family conflict and family violence which may be distressing for some listeners.If you are experiencing family violence or feel unsafe, please contact 1800 RESPECT (Australia) or your local domestic violence support service.

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Laura and Lynette are discussing general concepts in Australian family law. Every situation is different, and listeners should obtain independent professional guidance about their specific circumstances.

Episode Time Stamps: The Parenting Order Loopholes Your Ex Will Exploit (And How to Close Them)

00:00 High Conflict Co Parenting

01:59 Why Orders Need Clarity

05:10 Changing Orders Is Hard

07:03 Loophole 1 Communication Rules

11:53 Loophole 2 Last Minute Changes

14:12 Loophole 3 Handover Boundaries

20:14 Loophole 4 Extracurricular Conflicts

26:30 Loophole 5 Stop Trash Talking

28:04 High School Choice Traps

29:39 Private School Fee Fights

31:14 School Updates and Access

32:07 Kids Phones and Screen Rules

35:50 Passports and Travel Clauses

40:06 Medical Decisions and Info

44:34 Emergency Contact Requirements

46:27 Rosters Holidays and Ambiguity

50:07 Think About What Ifs

51:12 Wrap Up and Disclaimers

Helpful Resources

• Lifeline (Australia): 13 11 14

• 1800 RESPECT: 1800 737 732

• Family Court of Australia resources on parenting arrangements

• Parenting communication apps: OurFamilyWizard, AppClose, Talking Parents

Episodes Mentioned in This Episode 1. 12 Agreements to Include in Parenting Plans

Referenced when discussing the main structure of parenting agreements before talking about loopholes. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6j325rOj96QvV8spPnYsX5?si=td4XlKQZSr6CXfCSm9H_bA

2. Handover Hell

Mentioned during the discussion about pick-up and drop-off conflicts and handover disputes. https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Pskjns3vZkLyv9FCefvxm?si=guIkwi1ITJuTOnshvpP9VA

3. Trash Talking

Referenced when discussing parents speaking negatively about the other parent around the children.https://open.spotify.com/episode/7bxqn5I6B1HCzO9r0zKnxY?si=nEH3splzQxSTBOUikJJHhA

4. Interstate Travel With Children After Separation

Mentioned during the travel and passport boundary discussion. https://open.spotify.com/episode/0auxUUS6QSh0ILcGHXbQgk?si=CmhYz74pSquyhTI2dgRMbQ

5. Tech Facilitated Abuse

Referenced during the children's phones, devices and monitoring discussion. COMING SOON

6. Sole Parental Responsibility

Suggested for listeners who want to understand decision-making authority around medical or school issues. https://open.spotify.com/episode/2O0VczmgtAPUrvcgJiF8HP?si=BM0nanlwTP6k67SMF8yg4g

Summary

Many parents believe that once parenting orders are made, the conflict will finally stop.

But the reality is court orders don't magically change behaviour.

If you are dealing with a high-conflict, manipulative, controlling or avoidant ex, poorly written parenting orders can become a playground for loopholes, misunderstandings and ongoing arguments.

In this episode of the Divorce Course Podcast, Laura and Lynette break down the most common loopholes people exploit in parenting orders and the practical boundaries you may want to think about before signing anything.

Because while parenting orders can't eliminate conflict entirely, clear boundaries can prevent many of the arguments before they even start.

You'll learn how to think about communication, handovers, school decisions, travel rules, technology, medical issues and more all through the lens of preventing future conflict.

🎧 Listen to this episode if:

• You are separated but still living under the same roof as your ex

• You feel stuck in the house and don't know how to move forward

• You want to know what an ouster order is

• You want to understand sole occupancy

• Someone told you if you leave the house you will lose your rights to it

• You want to understand what you can legally do to create space after separation

• Your ex refuses to move out and you don't know what your options are

• You're wondering whether you can make your ex leave the house

• You're dealing with a manipulative, avoidant, high-conflict, or coercive control type ex

• You want to learn about trial separations, nesting, temporary arrangements, and sole occupancy orders You're worried about how staying under one roof is affecting you or your children

• You want practical strategies to move forward without damaging your property settlement

⚖️ Legal & Safety Disclaimer

This podcast provides general educational information only and is based primarily on Australian family law. It is not legal advice and should not replace advice from a qualified legal professional. Always seek independent legal advice specific to your circumstances.

This episode also discusses family violence and coercive control, which may be distressing. If you feel unsafe or need support in Australia, contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), Lifeline (13 11 14), or call 000 in an emergency.

When a relationship breaks down, most people focus on the big things: the kids, the property settlement, and the future. But one of the most suffocating parts of separation is often the very first step — how do you stop living under the same roof as your ex?

If you're walking on eggshells at home, wondering whether you can leave, whether you'll lose your rights to the house, or whether you can legally make your ex move out, you're not alone. These questions come up for almost everyone navigating separation.

In this episode, Mum and I break down five realistic ways to create space after separation without damaging your property settlement. We talk about what you can legally do, what you absolutely shouldn't do, and the myths that keep so many people stuck living under one roof for far longer than they need to.

[00:00] – The Fear of Being Stuck in the House During Separation Why the family home becomes one of the biggest emotional pressure points in divorce, and why living under one roof with your ex can feel suffocating for you and your children.

[02:43] – What You Should NEVER Do During Separation Why throwing belongings outside, changing locks, cutting utilities, or intimidating your ex can backfire legally and even be considered family violence.

[04:44] – Divorce Myth: Do You Lose Your Rights If You Leave the House? Debunking one of the most damaging divorce myths that keeps people trapped in toxic living situations during property settlement.

[06:05] – Five Ways to Create Space After Separation An overview of the five realistic strategies couples use to stop living under one roof during divorce.

[07:45] – Option 1: Simply Asking Your Ex to Move Out When a calm, respectful conversation about separation can actually work and how to confirm agreements without escalating conflict.

[09:58] – Option 2: Creating a Temporary Living Arrangement How structured temporary agreements can help one partner move out while property settlement negotiations continue.

[13:16] – Option 3: Nesting or House Swapping for the Kids What "bird nesting" is, why some divorced parents try it, and the emotional and logistical challenges that often arise.

[18:47] – Option 4: The Trial Move-Out Strategy How trial separations can reduce confrontation and why temporary moves often become permanent.

[20:23] – Trial Separation Tactics That Reduce Conflict Why trial separations can help avoid high-conflict confrontations, especially with manipulative or controlling partners.

[21:06] – Why Many Partners Don't See Divorce Coming Why some people emotionally check out of relationships long before the separation conversation happens.

[22:47] – The Risk of Control and Financial Backlash After Separation How manipulative or controlling partners may react when separation becomes real.

[24:04] – Coercive Control and the 'Amnesia' Effect How distance from a controlling relationship can help you recognise patterns of manipulation you couldn't see before.

[25:40] – Ouster Orders and Sole Occupancy Explained When courts can legally order one spouse to leave the home during separation.

[27:59] – The Risks of Applying for Sole Occupancy Orders Why asking the court to decide who stays in the house can sometimes backfire.

[29:55] – Domestic Violence Orders Without Leaving the House How protection orders can sometimes be issued even when couples continue living under one roof.

[32:54] – Safety Planning and Support Resources Why separation can be a high-risk time and the importance of having a safety plan in place.

[34:12] – Common Divorce Myths That Keep People Stuck Debunking misinformation about living under one roof, property rights, and separation timelines.

[35:42] – Why Physical Space Makes Divorce Negotiations Easier How creating distance can improve mediation outcomes and reduce emotional conflict.

[37:41] – Final Takeaways: Moving Forward After Separation Why creating physical and emotional space is often the first step toward starting your new life after divorce.

Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

"I Really Want to Keep the House" https://open.spotify.com/episode/6TzW9skKgvO8fjm0gcFPRg?si=t9q2a8TRRS-x7FAWEfBS9g

"Five Out-of-the-Box Ideas to Keep the House in Property Settlement"https://open.spotify.com/episode/5RgIsTMGh7EBqqbAgIVQ5Y?si=CRxIPgc-Sm6gRvin285Q_A

"The Divorce Personality Types Quiz Episode" https://open.spotify.com/episode/4IPDOWvfPKsSrPaCvf7Se8?si=7LfUwX6OSa-ym_OOujCt5Q

"How to Create a Safety Plan" https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hMmTS99LaeUWOXSxKMx1D?si=Oh5NMylQRs2HWuVFDT6szg

Support Services (Australia)

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 National domestic, family and sexual violence support service.

• Lifeline – 13 11 14 24-hour crisis support and suicide prevention service.

• Emergency Services – Call 000 if you are in immediate danger.

🎧 Listen to this episode if: You're unsure whether what you experienced was abuse You've heard the term "coercive control" but don't fully understand it You feel confused, guilty or constantly off balance in your relationship Negotiations during separation feel manipulative rather than constructive You're worried about how coercive control affects children You want clarity and validation around your experience This episode discusses family violence and may be triggering for some listeners. If you need support, please reach out to 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or Lifeline (13 11 14). This discussion is general education only and not psychological or legal advice. ⏱️ Episode Timeline: When It's Not Just Conflict: How Coercive Control Shows Up in Divorce [00:00] – Is This Normal Conflict or Something More? [01:45] – Safety Disclaimer & Family Violence Support Services [02:35] – Why Naming Coercive Control Matters [03:35] – What Coercive Control Actually Is (Simple Definition) [04:32] – Patterns, Not Incidents: Why Abuse Isn't Always Obvious Why domestic violence is no longer viewed as isolated incidents but as ongoing patterns of behaviour that create harm over time. [05:35] – No Bruises, Still Harm: Emotional & Psychological Abuse Explained How gaslighting, micromanagement, silent treatment and financial control cause real psychological damage without visible injuries. [07:13] – How Do You Explain Coercive Control to Others? [10:03] – The Three D's: Disrespect, Disempowerment & Distortion A practical framework to identify coercive control behaviours in relationships and divorce negotiations. [11:09] – Disempowerment: Fear, Micromanagement & Loss of Autonomy How controlling partners create dependency, intimidation and fear of consequences — even without physical violence. [12:11] – Post-Separation Control: When Abuse Continues After Divorce Why coercive control often escalates during separation, mediation and family court proceedings. [13:59] – Disrespect & Double Standards in Abusive Relationships [16:27] – Distortion & Gaslighting: Rewriting Reality [18:48] – Narcissism vs Coercive Control: What's the Difference? Understanding the overlap between narcissistic traits and coercive control in emotionally abusive relationships. [20:09] – Seeing the Whole Pattern (Not Just One Argument) Why focusing on single incidents hides the broader pattern of domination and manipulation. [21:56] – How Coercive Control Impacts Children Why children are not just witnesses but victims in coercively controlled households — including hypervigilance and emotional harm. [24:22] – Protecting Children in Family Court How concerns about coercive control can be reframed as "alienation" — and why understanding legal narratives matters. [25:34] – One Safe Parent: The Protective Buffer for Kids [26:15] – Why It's So Hard to Leave an Abusive Relationship Financial dependence, fear, threats, trauma bonding and loss of autonomy explained. [27:56] – The Power Myth: Why Abusers Seem So Smart and Untouchable [28:54] – Trauma Bonding Explained The cycle of highs and lows that keeps people emotionally attached in abusive dynamics. [30:01] – Court Fears & Post-Separation Abuse Why people fear family court when coercive control continues through legal processes. [31:03] – Negotiation vs Control: The Simple Test How to tell the difference between genuine divorce negotiation and manipulation disguised as cooperation. [33:05] – The Three D's in Legal Tactics [34:15] – Legal Examples: Silent Treatment, Rigid Demands & Pressure Tactics Recognising micromanagement, unreasonable timelines, and threats dressed up as "legal process." [38:04] – Using Children to Maintain Control After Separation Excessive updates, micromanaging parenting decisions, and control disguised as "concern." [44:25] – Hold Onto Clarity: Documenting Patterns of Abuse Why writing things down helps counter gaslighting and protects your psychological stability during divorce. [46:37] – Legal Narratives & Gatekeeping in Court How coercive control can be minimised or reframed in legal settings — and why showing patterns matters. [48:12] – Hope, Support & Life After Coercive Control side. [49:06] – Workshop Resources & Next Steps 🔗 Resources Mentioned 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14 https://kirovapsychology.com.au/ (Melbourne workshops & resources) Previous episodes on: Mediation vs Manipulation https://youtu.be/cmcFWXD2EBs?si=LOOTB_BwYJIQSmn9 Legal Abuse: https://youtu.be/h2Pu2MmbDxw?si=-HiUdJAfdvoMK8fL Alienation Allegations: https://youtu.be/g8ofj-Sp3n4?si=_0tX3XSweEMzYp6o Safety Planning https://youtu.be/R4M8Hr9cbh0?si=0XyklWL2VMwx_cmN

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

● Your ex's parents or extended family are texting, pressuring or negotiating on their behalf ● Grandparents are demanding time with your children ● You're being accused of owing money that was supposedly a "gift" ● You're dealing with coercive control through third parties ● You feel like you're negotiating with an entire extended family ● You're unsure what you legally have to respond to ● Your mediation agreements change after your ex speaks to their family ● You want clear boundaries and practical guidance during separation

If you are going through separation or divorce and suddenly your ex's family has become involved, this episode will help you understand what your responsibility actually is and where it ends.

In this conversation, Mum and I unpack what you legally have to respond to, what you can ignore, and how to protect your peace when outside pressure starts escalating conflict. We talk about grandparents family members negotiating property settlement, so-called "loans" during property disputes, mediation interference, coercive control via in-laws, and how to set boundaries without damaging your credibility.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, ganged up on, or unsure how to manage extended family pressure this episode is your permission slip to protect yourself.

Legal Disclaimer:This episode contains general educational discussion only and is not legal advice. We are based in Australia and laws differ between countries. Always seek independent legal advice tailored to your personal circumstances before making decisions.

Family Violence & Safety Trigger Warning Disclaimer This episode includes discussion of family violence, coercive control and high-conflict dynamics.If you are experiencing family violence, intimidation, harassment or feel unsafe at any time, please seek support immediately.

⏱️ Episode Timeline for When In-Laws Interfere in Your Divorce (What You Have to Respond To)

00:00 – Introduction: When Your Ex's Family Gets Involved What happens when parents, siblings or extended family step into your separation?

02:05 – How Family Dynamics Shift After Separation Why "blood is thicker than water" can suddenly feel very real.

05:35 – Do You Have to Respond to In-Laws Negotiating on Your Ex's Behalf? What you can ignore, what to document, and how to protect yourself.

08:10 – Grandparents' Rights Explained (Australia) When grandparents can see children and what your responsibility actually is.

14:15 – Gifts vs Loans in Property Settlement When a $100,000 "gift" suddenly becomes a claimed debt.

19:50 – Can Grandparents Demand Time If Your Ex Isn't Seeing the Kids? Understanding the best interests of the children and practical considerations.

24:20 – Family Members Pressuring or Manipulating Children How courts view this behaviour and what you can do.

27:10 – Divorce Mediation Agreements Changing After Family Influence Why outside pressure can derail settlements and how to manage it.

30:30 – Boundaries With Your Own Family During Divorce How to handle well-meaning but unhelpful advice and pressure.

31:45 – What You Can Control vs What You Can't Practical mindset shifts to protect your peace.

35:45 – "It's Not About Them" Why your focus must remain on you, your children, and your divorce case.

🔗 Links & Resources

● DIY Divorce Blueprint – Courses & Support www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

● 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

● Lifeline – 13 11 14

Related Episodes:

● Trash Talking – What To Do When Your Ex Badmouths You ● 10 Boundaries for a Healthy Divorce ● How to Create a Safety Plan ● Dealing With Narc Lies in Court ● When Your Ex Lies in Court

Closing Reminder

Divorce is hard enough without feeling like you're negotiating with an entire extended family.If this episode helped you feel clearer, calmer or more confident about setting boundaries during separation, please follow, rate and review the podcast. Your support helps more women find grounded, practical information when they need it most.And remember you are not responsible for managing everyone else's emotions.This is not about them.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You feel overwhelmed and don't know what the steps of the divorce process are

• You're separated (or thinking about separating) and want clarity on what happens next

• You're stuck in negotiations or dealing with a stonewalling, avoidant or controlling ex

• You want to understand mediation, arbitration, court filings, interim hearings and trials

• You're self-represented and need a clear, realistic roadmap of the family law process

• You want to feel calmer, in control, and informed about the journey ahead

• You're already in the court system and want to know what the upcoming stages really mean

• You want to avoid panic, surprises and fear of the unknown

If you're going through separation, divorce or a parenting/property dispute in Australia, this episode will walk you through every major step in the family law process from the moment of separation all the way to a final hearing.

No jargon. No fear. No overwhelm. Just a clear explanation of what you may face and how long things typically take.

We break down how to negotiate, when mediation works (and why it fails), what arbitration actually is, how to use deadlines and case law to manage a difficult ex, when court becomes necessary, what happens at each court stage, and how to avoid getting stuck for months or years.

Whether you're at the very beginning or already halfway through, this roadmap will help you feel grounded and prepared.

📌 LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This episode is general education only — not legal advice. Always seek independent legal advice for your specific situation.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Divorce Roadmap Overview: What to Expect From Separation to Trial A complete explanation of the stages ahead and why understanding the process matters.

00:38 – Meet the Hosts + Education-Only Disclaimer Why we give information, not advice — and how to use the episode wisely.

01:59 – Why Your Separation Date Matters (Especially Under One Roof) How timelines, contributions, and financial outcomes are affected.

03:45 – DIY Negotiations: Why a 'Signed Paper' Isn't Enough The trap so many people fall into — and how it can cost you later.

05:28 – Consent Orders & Financial Agreements Explained What makes an agreement legally binding and what the court checks for.

06:59 – Parenting vs Property Mediation: How They Work & How to Prepare Why combining both in one day often backfires.

10:55 – After Mediation Fails: Arbitration, Offers & Partial Agreements How to keep momentum instead of getting stuck.

13:28 – Stonewalling & Delay Tactics: Deadlines, Notice to File & Case Law Strategies to shift an avoidant or controlling ex.

19:03 – Filing in Court: What Documents You Need & What They Mean Affidavits, financial statements, notices of risk and more.

20:47 – Should You File Parenting & Property Together? The advantages and pitfalls.

22:03 – Using Court Filings as Negotiation Leverage Why an initiating application often triggers settlement.

23:11 – First Court Event Explained (It's Not a Trial!) What registrars do, what decisions they can make, and what they can't.

23:43 – PPP500 & Evatt List: What These Court Pathways Mean for You Faster lists for smaller pools and family violence matters.

25:52 – Interim Hearings: Urgent Parenting & Property Issues When the court steps in early.

28:02 – Court-Ordered Mediation: Reality Checks & Settlement Pressure The moment many cases resolve.

31:35 – Readiness Hearing: Preparing for Trial Final directions, valuations, and evidence.

33:11 – Final Trial: What Actually Happens in the Courtroom Cross-examination, timelines, outcomes and appeals.

36:37 – Big Picture Strategy: Stay Focused on Your Stage Why thinking too far ahead causes overwhelm.

40:09 – Costs Orders & Legal Abuse The consequences for bad behaviour in litigation.

41:58 – Wrap-Up: Tell It to the Judge + Course Info & Outro

🔗 Links & Resources

✨The Course: https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol ✨ Courses & Free Support Resources: www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

💛 Support Services 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You feel stuck and unable to move forward after separating

• You're separated under one roof and nothing is changing

• Your stuck deciding whether to go to court next or just give up

• You're overwhelmed by the emotional load and decision fatigue

• You don't know whether to start with the house, the money, the kids or the legal steps

• You're waiting for the "right time" but it never seems to come

• You want clarity about why you feel frozen and what to do next

• You're scared of making a mistake or starting conflict

• You want a practical, compassionate explanation of why early separation feels like quicksand

• You need reassurance that you're not failing you're human

PLEASE note Lyn's audio file at the end of the episode was lost so we have cobbled together what we had to finish the episode as we know so many of you listen each week so, sorry no embroidered cushion this week. Hopefully the tech will behave itself next week for you all.

Trigger warning there are discussions of Family Violence & Coercive Control.

Legal Warning: this is not legal advice

📝 Episode Summary: Separated… but Stuck? The Chicken & Egg Problem Keeping You in Divorce Limbo

If you've ever felt like you're separated but… nothing is moving, you're not alone. In this powerful episode, Laura and Lyn unpack the "Chicken & Egg Problem" of early divorce — that confusing, exhausting stage where every decision feels dependent on another decision, and you don't know which one you're meant to make first.

Should you move out? Should you get legal help? Should you talk to the bank? Should you wait for your ex? Should you apply for parenting arrangements? Should you start disclosure? Should you sell the house? Should you stay for the kids?

Everything feels tangled, and you feel frozen.

We break down why this paralysis happens, why it's normal, and how small, strategic steps can help you get out of emotional and practical limbo. You'll hear examples from real separations, insights about overwhelm and avoidance, and the surprising reasons so many women stay "stuck" for months — or even years.

This episode is your permission slip to take one small step, feel less afraid, and finally understand why your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do.

This episode contains general separation discussion, not legal advice.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 — Why Early Separation Feels Impossible: The Chicken & Egg Problem

01:05 — What Keeps Women Stuck in Divorce Limbo

02:28 — Emotional Overload, Fear & Decision Paralysis

04:50 — Separated Under One Roof: Why Nothing Changes

07:14 — "Where Do I Start?" Understanding the Overwhelm

10:40 — The Pressure to Have a Full Plan Before Taking Action

12:33 — Money Fear, Housing Fear & Losing Stability

15:55 — Why Conflict Avoidance Keeps You Frozen

17:48 — Waiting for the Perfect Moment (And Why It Won't Come)

20:22 — How to Take One Small Step Without Starting a War

23:15 — Using Information to Reduce Fear and Panic

26:44 — What You Can Control vs What You Can't

29:30 — Making Progress Even When You're Not Ready

32:01 — Reassurance for Anyone Feeling Stuck

35:14 — Final Encouragement: You Don't Have to Solve Everything Today

🔗 Links & Resources

✨ Download the FREE Divorce Personality Quiz Printable 👉 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/quiz

✨ Join the Newsletter for Bonus Divorce Strategy Tools (We only send practical, supportive content — no fluff.)

www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

✨ Safety & Support Resources 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14

If this episode helped you feel seen, understood, or just a little less stuck, please follow, rate, and review the podcast. Sharing this episode might give another woman the clarity she desperately needs.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You're confused about why your divorce feels so hard

• You're not sure how to communicate or negotiate with your ex

• You suspect you're dealing with avoidance, conflict, or control or you are a people pleaser.

• You're tired of being blindsided and want clarity

• You want a divorce strategy that matches the actual dynamic you're in

• You want a downloadable, printable version of the quiz

• You love practical tools that help you feel calm, informed, and back in control

• You want to take the quiz and finally understand your ex's divorce behaviour

Trigger warning there are discussions of Family Violence & Coercive Control.

Legal Warning: this is not legal advice

📝 Episode Summary

In this episode, Laura and Lyn guide you through the 20-question Divorce Personality Quiz, designed to help you identify the divorce pattern you're dealing with

Your divorce type affects:

• your communication strategy

• your negotiation style

• whether mediation will work

• how to set boundaries

• what evidence you need

• how to emotionally protect yourself

• whether safety planning is appropriate

You'll take the quiz with us live inside the episode and learn what each answer (A, B, C, or D) reveals about your ex's behaviour. This insight can transform your divorce experience by helping you understand what's really happening and why your current approach may or may not be working.

And if you want the free downloadable PDF of the quiz, a printable results sheet, and access to our bonus email guide "How to Strategise Based on Your Divorce Type", head to:

👉 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au (Join the newsletter and we'll send the printable straight to your inbox.)

This episode includes general behavioural discussion, not legal advice.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 Introduction: What Divorce Type Are You Dealing With?

00:36 Why Identifying Your Divorce Type Matters for Your Strategy

00:58 Overview of the Four Divorce Types: Amicable, Avoidant, High-Conflict & Controlling

01:14 How to Take the Divorce Personality Quiz

01:39 Meet Your Hosts and Episode Overview

02:11 Understanding Divorce Personality Types & Behaviour Patterns

03:15 Divorce Quiz Part 1: Decision-Making, Conflict & Communication

05:51 What Your Answers Mean: Interpreting the First Quiz Results

09:40 Divorce Quiz Part 2: Boundaries, Money Issues & Emotional Safety

19:05 Divorce Quiz Part 3: Rules, Power Imbalances & Information Control

25:23 Final Divorce Quiz Questions + Strategy Insights

30:08 Recognising Manipulative or Controlling Divorce Dynamics

31:41 How to Identify Your Divorce Type From Your Quiz Results

32:30 Amicable Divorce: Strengths, Risks & When It Fails

35:14 Avoidant Ex Partners: Why Progress Feels Impossible

38:23 High-Conflict Divorce Explained: Escalation, Triggers & Survival Strategies

41:16 Controlling or Coercive Ex Partners: Red Flags & Safety Considerations

44:40 How to Create a Safety Plan During Divorce

48:20 Helpful Resources, Support Services & Next Steps

52:49 Final Thoughts: Matching Your Strategy to Your Ex's Behaviour

🔗 Links & Resources

✨ Download the FREE Divorce Personality Quiz Printable 👉 www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/quiz

✨ Join the Newsletter for Bonus Divorce Strategy Tools (We only send practical, supportive content )

✨ Safety & Support Resources 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14

Episodes Mentioned

10 Boundaries You Should Set Up Before Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ecDTxw4rTc3zXBkcjuYpA?si=Eb_uqTJnSbS2Vtyz80tBmQ

The Purple Book Episode (Coercive Control & Abuse Patterns)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1ccm01eMpJ3TMZa2uMaUMN?si=WJ7wQy9mTmKYhd2sTPiO0g

The Original "Divorce Personality Types" Episode

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1X89h1IBOUa0QFxiICIuwo?si=neoemW5URuubT8VYaGjlPw

If this episode helped you finally understand the behaviour you've been dealing with, please follow, rate and review the podcast. And don't forget to grab your FREE quiz download it's one of the most powerful tools to help you navigate your divorce with clarity and confidence.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You're worried your custody or property case might end up eventually in court.

• You are preparing for Family Court or worried your case might escalate

• You want to avoid mistakes that judges hate seeing in parenting or property matters

• You're dealing with a high-conflict ex or coercive control

• You're self-represented and want to understand what the court looks for

• You want to protect your credibility and stay child-focused

• You feel overwhelmed and want to understand how to present better in court

• You want to understand how Family Court judges make decisions

If you're going through separation, divorce, or a parenting dispute in Australia, this episode will help you avoid the most common mistakes people make in the Family Court. These insights can make or break your credibility, influence parenting outcomes, and help you stay calm and strategic throughout the legal process.

In this episode, we unpack 10 behaviours that can ruin your case — the things that damage cases, frustrate judges, increase legal costs, and affect how your evidence is viewed. Whether you're self-represented, considering mediation, managing a high-conflict ex, or worried about how your actions may be interpreted, this conversation will give you clarity on what the court expects from parents.

Learn how to stay child-focused, how to avoid actions that look like parental alienation, how to communicate effectively, how to avoid sabotaging your own case, and why honesty, disclosure, and consistency matter so much. If you're feeling overwhelmed, emotional, or stuck in conflict, this episode offers guidance to help you stay grounded and organised.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This episode contains general discussion only this is not legal advice please always get independent legal advice as each situation is different.

Trigger Warning: This episode has some discussions of family violence.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – Introduction: How to Avoid Mistakes That Hurt Your Family Court Case Overview of the most common behaviours that weaken parenting and property cases.

02:07 – Why Judges Prioritise Child-Focused Parenting in Family Court Understanding how child welfare drives decisions and how to demonstrate it clearly.

06:36 – Keeping Emotions Out of Family Court: What Judges Look For Why emotional reactions, venting and accusations can damage your credibility.

13:26 – Presenting Evidence Properly: What Counts in Family Court How to gather, organise and present evidence that the court will actually rely on.

16:59 – The Serious Consequences of Lying or Exaggerating in Court How dishonesty can destroy your case and impact parenting or property outcomes.

21:27 – Disclosure Rules in Property Settlement: What You MUST Provide Explaining financial disclosure obligations and what happens if you don't comply.

25:26 – Following Court Orders and Deadlines: Why Timing Matters How delays, missed tasks or ignoring directions reflect poorly on your case.

25:58 – Understanding Family Court Practice Directions (CPD Requirements) What the Central Practice Direction means for your behaviour and preparation.

28:40 – Narrowing the Issues Before Court: What Judges Expect You to Do Why bringing every problem to court backfires and how to refine your case.

33:19 – Avoiding Behaviour That Looks Like Parental Alienation How to protect your children and yourself without appearing to obstruct the other parent.

39:43 – Acting Reasonably in Family Court: How It Influences Outcomes Examples of unreasonable behaviour and why judges pay close attention to it.

42:03 – Courtroom Etiquette, Presentation and Final Takeaways How to conduct yourself, communicate effectively, and stay credible throughout your case.

🔗 Links & Resources

• Free Webinar https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/divorcewebinarregistration

• The Divorce Course Website – Courses & Support www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

Dealing with Narc Lies in court

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5SdkXhj3vC2tfO3gDdkM6y?si=P-fwZYVSQxO7JnVs5yYJdw

When your ex lies in court https://open.spotify.com/episode/2OpAGxXfx78iAO81TMPPxJ?si=wcN-tRFdSaSjGLU51fmV7w

Overcoming disclosure delays

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0uOO8dKYV4NWlCfyu8FZEh?si=PI-J7YtGTb6pFRKGa7KjdA

Disclosure Deadlocks

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2yrShRhq4jcGVuVDN6Jq6C?si=ZFmAHXmAT1-JS0neHjsDHQ

Is your ex hiding assets

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4KbgLRFXB9r2rCz3vycZ98?si=nKf11LeYS_66Uzn003Ydug

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

False Accusations of Parental Alienation

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0l9L5SDovV515EU4H5gpIf?si=jNYKY5cBTCatIXZpEHXisQ

Handover Hell

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Pskjns3vZkLyv9FCefvxm?si=UrHDcaRBTwuKpnVmWty-qA

Family Reports

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4k2Z4glD8WpY4dsqz6vn5Y?si=MMj_I2N5RlaT_5flBfZjMQ

Court Etiquette

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JOwxZOGxT182UOp8iqd8z?si=8ib6y9qLRvuD5n8AO4y46w

💛 Closing Reminder

If this episode helped you feel more prepared or confident, please follow, rate, and review the podcast. Your support helps more women find clear, supportive information during their divorce or separation.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You're going through DV, coercive control, divorce or separation

• You've survived DV and want to help other women going through it

• You feel alone, isolated, or unsure where to turn

• You want to hear about real support available for women in crisis

• You've lost hope and need to know good people still exist

• You want to understand what homelessness really looks like for women

• You want to connect with a service that listens without judgment

• You've wondered where to get help if you don't know where to start

📝 Episode Summary

If you've ever felt invisible, silenced, or completely alone while living through domestic violence, coercive control, separation, or divorce this episode is for you.

Today, Laura sits down with Jo West, the founder of 4 Voices, a remarkable charity supporting women experiencing domestic violence, financial abuse, homelessness, social isolation, and coercive control. This episode is different from our usual legal conversations it's a conversation about hope, humanity, and the power of connection when someone is going through hell and doesn't know where to turn.

Jo shares the reality of what women face when they're living in fear, why so many are afraid to reach out, and how simple acts of kindness like someone showing up, listening, and seeing you can genuinely change the course of a woman's life.

If you're struggling right now, this episode will remind you of something important: There are helpers. You are not alone. And there is support waiting for you.

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains general discussion about domestic violence and support, not legal information.

Finding Hope Again: The Charity Giving Women a Voice during DV, Coercive Control & Divorce

⏱️ Episode Timeline

[00:00] Meet Four Voices: A Support Service for Women Facing DV & Crisis [01:00] Why Women Experiencing Coercive Control Often Feel Too Afraid to Reach Out [02:06] Hidden Homelessness: The Reality for Women Leaving Unsafe Homes [03:41] How Four Voices Uses Human Connection to Support Isolated Women [07:00] What Happens on a Four Voices Support Van Shift [09:04] A Story of Strength: One Woman Starting Over After 25 Years of Abuse [12:33] Financial Abuse, Survival Mode & Why Leaving Is So Hard [14:00] Why Some Women Get Turned Away From Services [16:57] A Phone-Based Support System Designed for Women Who Are Scared to Talk [18:55] Check-Ins, Consistency & Why They Matter for Recovery [20:40] How You Can Help: Volunteering, Corporate Support & Raising Awareness [23:50] Understanding the Hidden Crisis of Female Homelessness [27:23] Misconceptions About DV, Leaving, and Life After Abuse [30:41] Hope Stories: Courage, Connection & What Keeps Jo Going [33:30] Final Message for Anyone Feeling Alone or Hopeless

🔗 Links & Resources

• Four Voices Charity: https://www.4voices.org.au

• Instagram: @4voicesau

• 1800RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

• If in danger, call 000 immediately in Australia

🚨 Support Services (Australia)

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

• Safe Beds for Pets (RSPCA)

💛 Closing Reminder

If this conversation brought you comfort or hope, please follow, rate, and review the podcast. Sharing this episode could help another woman find the support she desperately needs.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You're selling the family home during divorce or de facto separation

• A real estate agent has told you to renovate or stage before selling

• Your ex wants to delay settlement until renovations are finished

• You're stuck with a half-renovated or unfinished house

• You've already spent money on renovations and want to know if it "counts"

• Your ex is demanding reimbursement for renovations

• Parents or in-laws contributed money to renovations

• You're deciding whether to keep the house, sell it, or buy your ex out

• Renovations feel emotionally or financially overwhelming right now

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for education only and not legal advice. Please seek your own independent legal, financial, and real estate advice for your situation.

📌 Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence and property damage. Support services are listed below.

📝 Episode Summary

Should you renovate or stage the house when you're going through divorce or is it a costly mistake that keeps you stuck longer than you need to be?

In this episode, Mum and I break down renovations, staging, and selling the family home during separation, and what actually matters in property settlements. We talk honestly about when spending money might make sense, when it won't, and how renovations are often used intentionally or not as a delay tactic or control mechanism.

We cover staging versus maintenance, half-finished renovations, DIY disasters, family contributions, damage to property, and how the court really views all of it. Most importantly, we talk about how to decide whether renovations are worth the financial and emotional cost, and how to avoid getting trapped in a house or a settlement that never seems to move forward.

📌 Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence and property damage. Support services are listed below.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 Should You Renovate Before Selling During Divorce?

00:40 Renovations During Divorce: Common Questions Answered

01:09 Legal and Financial Rules Around Renovations

02:03 Staging vs Renovations: What Actually Adds Value?

05:52 Renovation Traps: Delays, Control and Emotional Attachment

08:41 Half-Finished Renovations and Unsellable Homes

13:32 Renovations as Non-Financial Contributions Explained

16:49 Family Loans, Gifts and Renovation Contributions

23:14 Property Damage, Wastage and How Courts Value Homes

23:47 Keep, Sell or Buy Out the Family Home?

24:51 Renovation Reimbursements: Do You Have to Pay Them Back?

26:34 Renovating During Separation: What to Do and What to Avoid

28:51 How Family Law Courts Determine Property Value

30:02 Renovations and Consent Orders: What Courts Will and Won't Enforce

35:22 Property Valuations in Divorce: What Courts Accept

40:04 Final Thoughts: Avoiding Renovation Mistakes in Divorce

🔗 Links & Resources

Support Services (Australia)

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

Related Episodes

• Selling Your House During Divorce

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6YUc34CVu6aCmunjQT1Sp6?si=Aks8s1YMTguzG-wyYO33Xw

• Property Settlement Explained

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5WcJwbOkw7UcCdla48EpXj?si=JRrkI8pZRdu6EUn0h8gncw

• Financial Abuse After Separation https://open.spotify.com/episode/4wxVtk6TOSCgqCJikfk6LD?si=Uxr0alr8TeKwX-WvzKx6Cg

🚨 Support Services (Australia)

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

📌 Legal Disclaimer

This episode is for education only and not legal advice. Please seek your own independent legal, financial, and real estate advice for your situation.

🎧 Don't forget to follow, rate & review!

If this episode helped you, please share it you never know who might be stuck in a renovation trap right now.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You're separating or divorcing someone with narcissistic traits

• Your ex keeps changing tactics and you feel like you're always one step behind

• You've experienced love-bombing, guilt, threats, or emotional manipulation

• Your ex is running smear campaigns or trying to control the narrative

• Money, disclosure, or property settlement keeps getting delayed

• Your children are being pulled into adult conflict

• Your ex is using the legal system as a weapon

• You feel like the abuse didn't end after separation

• You want to know what's coming next before it happens

📌 Legal Disclaimer

This episode is for education only and not legal or psychological advice. Please seek your own independent legal support based on your circumstances.

📝 Episode Summary

Divorcing a narcissist isn't just difficult it's predictable. In this episode, Mum and I walk you through the seven phases most people experience when separating from someone with narcissistic traits, based on what we see every single day in real cases.

We talk about how tactics have evolved, why the mask eventually drops, and how emotional manipulation turns into smear campaigns, financial control, legal abuse, and ongoing chaos even after court ends.

We're not diagnosing anyone, and this isn't about labelling. It's about pattern recognition. Once you understand the phases, you can stop blaming yourself, protect your boundaries, and make informed decisions instead of reacting in survival mode.

📌 This episode contains discussions around family violence. Support numbers are listed below.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 Divorcing a Narcissist – What to Expect & Why It's Different

01:50 Narcissistic Traits in Divorce and Separation

02:34 Phase One: Love Bombing, Guilt Tripping & Emotional Manipulation

03:50 How Narcissists Use Legal Delays and Manipulation

07:51 Phase Two: Control Tactics, Hoovering & Threats

11:57 Setting Boundaries When Divorcing a Narcissist

14:22 Phase Three: Smear Campaigns & Image Management Tactics

16:16 How to Protect Yourself Before Things Escalate

18:23 The Financial Motives Behind 50/50 Parenting Claims

18:36 Unethical Family Court Reports & Image Control

19:54 Social Media Smear Campaigns and Reputation Control

22:18 Financial Abuse Through Control and Delay Tactics

26:18 Using Children as Pawns in High-Conflict Divorce

28:47 Manipulating the Legal System After Separation

30:48 Post-Separation Abuse: Chaos and Control After Court

32:42 Final Support, Safety Planning & What to Do Next

🔗 Links & Resources

Support Services (Australia)

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732 Lifeline – 13 11 14

• Episodes Mentioned

• The Narcissist Playbook

• 10 Boundaries You Must Set in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ecDTxw4rTc3zXBkcjuYpA?si=0tfzIRFrTuWSfrywenG4lA

• What About Their Belongings? https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bPd3wWLQh3pzQmL2KCR0v?si=ABBaDvMVRgqnkvfXHJh66A

• Protecting Your Role as Primary Carer https://open.spotify.com/episode/6oZAEkj18NEcUfJPXP0FOT?si=PR8-zKyXRru7oVeW2Allew

• Legal & Financial Abuse After Separation

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1V23F0O5yhQt9NFLPOu6uJ?si=ZkP-KquxREeTCyQPk8I-TA What If Your Ex Lies in Court?

• https://open.spotify.com/episode/5SdkXhj3vC2tfO3gDdkM6y?si=sQjxVlNSTm2wnaHQdWxdlA

• Safety Planning After Separation

• https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hMmTS99LaeUWOXSxKMx1D?si=Y98mBgDoTiK1LQud-tr9BQ

• DARVO in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JyfH5fCoqrUoxeDj6jCtu?si=mDoKfN3fQWONekpLUQflXg

• False allegations of Parental Alienation https://open.spotify.com/episode/0l9L5SDovV515EU4H5gpIf?si=5z2-pibvRKavyrPkMeuMIw

Resources

• "Before You Go" Checklist – thedivorcecourse.com.au

🚨 Support Services (Australia)

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

• RSPCA Safe Beds for Pets (state dependent)

📌 Legal Disclaimer

This episode is for education only and not legal advice. Please seek your own independent legal support based on your circumstances.

🎧 Don't forget to follow, rate & review!

If this episode helped you, please share it — you never know who else needs to hear this before they get blindsided.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You're unsure whether your relationship legally counts as de facto

• Your ex is denying the relationship, the dates, or the level of commitment

• You want to know how de facto status impacts property settlement

• You've heard about the 2-year rule and want to know if it applies to you

• You're wondering if having kids changes your legal rights

• You're not married, but financially tangled, and don't know where you stand

• You're trying to prove you were (or weren't) de facto

• You were "separated under one roof" and need clarity

• You're with someone who's still married but claim they're de facto with you

Episode Summary

What exactly does it mean to be de facto in Australia? And why does it matter so much when you separate? In this episode, Mum and I unpack de facto relationships in family law in Australia what counts, what doesn't, and what the court actually looks at when deciding whether a de facto relationship existed.

We break down the difference between being married and being de facto, the rules around the two-year relationship requirement, how children change everything, and what happens with short vs long relationships.

We also talk through what happens when one person denies the relationship ever existed, how to prove your timeline, and the evidence the court takes most seriously from finances to living arrangements to social media and everything in between.

If you've ever thought "Are we de facto? Does this count? What does this mean for my rights?" this episode will give you clarity, confidence and the facts that might help you in your situation.

📌 This is general information only. Always seek your own legal support for your exact situation.

⏱️ Episode Timeline

00:00 – What Is a De Facto Relationship in Australia? A clear explanation of the legal meaning of "de facto" and why it matters.

00:28 – Understanding the Term 'De Facto' Under the Family Law Act Breaking down the true definition and what "genuine domestic relationship" actually means.

01:16 – Why De Facto Status Matters for Property and Parenting How your relationship status affects your rights in separation.

01:47 – How to Prove You're in a De Facto Relationship Evidence, timelines, documents and what the courts look for.

03:50 – Common Myths About De Facto Relationships (Debunked) Misunderstandings about living together, bank accounts, and "we're not married so it doesn't count."

06:46 – Short vs Long De Facto Relationships: What's the Difference? How the length of the relationship can influence property outcomes.

17:45 – How Having Children Impacts De Facto Separation Why children change eligibility, contributions, and financial outcomes.

19:16 – Contributions in De Facto Relationships Explained Financial, non-financial, homemaking and parenting contributions — what the court considers.

19:49 – Proving a De Facto Relationship: Evidence That Helps Photos, messages, leases, documents and everyday interactions that build your case.

21:44 – What Evidence Can Be Used to Show a De Facto Relationship? From moving-day photos to shared responsibilities — what actually matters.

24:11 – Mediation Options When Your Ex Denies the Relationship How mediation and disclosure work when one person disputes being de facto.

26:55 – Can You Be Married and De Facto at the Same Time? How overlap occurs with affairs, breakups under one roof and blurred timelines.

33:31 – Clarifying the Rules Between Marriage vs De Facto How the law treats both pathways similarly for financial and parenting matters.

34:39 – Final Thoughts: Understanding Your Status and Next Steps Key takeaways on proving de facto status and protecting your future.

🔗 Links & Resources

"Before You Go" Checklist –

thedivorcecourse.com.au

Episodes Mentioned

Separated Under one Roof Episode

https://youtu.be/er5qlClqOGs?si=o6f2apVsjWNHE_ID

Beyond the Split Understanding Separation Dates

https://youtu.be/HDL4mhO94TY?si=1aUlslHr4xGqL_dN

Future Needs

https://youtu.be/_-5JlRLCNxY?si=YQKBsqG2cCAEVNqs

Cheating and Dating during Divorce

https://youtu.be/kBOV2sRtq7E?si=SlAgBVMkwf-LoaMU

🚨 Support Services (Australia)

• 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732

• Lifeline – 13 11 14

📌 Legal Disclaimer:

This episode is for education only and not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support based on your circumstances.

🎧 Don't forget to follow, rate & review!

If this episode helped you, please share it you never know who else needs this clarity.

Listen to this episode if…

• You're thinking about dating before your divorce, property or children's matters are final

• Your ex has a new partner and you're worried about parenting or property issues

• You're unsure how the court sees new relationships in family law matters

• You want to know what's okay, what's risky, and what doesn't matter at all

Wondering if it's okay to date while your divorce is still in progress? You're not alone. In this episode, we unpack the legal, emotional, and strategic impacts of dating during divorce especially when children, property settlements, or court appearances are involved.

Whether you've just met someone new, or your ex is already flaunting their next relationship, we break down how new partners can influence family law outcomes in both parenting and property matters.

We cover the risks, realities, and misconceptions about what the court actually looks at and how to protect your position without putting your future on hold.

📌 Please remember this episode is for general information only and does not replace individual legal or safety advice. For immediate support in Australia, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

🔑 Episode Timeline:

[00:00] Introduction: How New Relationships Can Impact Your Divorce Case

[01:13] Important Legal Disclaimer and Emotional Trigger Warnings

[02:02] Can a New Partner Affect Your Property Settlement in Divorce?

[09:35] Understanding No-Fault Divorce and How History Shaped Today's Rules

[15:11] Spousal Maintenance: Does Repartnering Change Eligibility?

[19:50] Child Support Implications When a New Partner Has Money

[22:11] Parenting Orders and Custody: What Role Do New Partners Play?

[25:25] How the Court Prioritizes Children's Welfare Over Relationship Status

[26:03] When (and How) to Introduce Your Kids to a New Partner

[28:13] Coercive Control, Repartnering, and Family Court Considerations

[30:05] What Are New Partners Responsible for in a Family Law Context?

[31:46] Red Flags: What Family Court Looks for in New Relationships

[33:34] Raising Concerns About New Partners Without Going to Court

[39:43] How to Document and Present Concerns the Right Way

[42:51] Does the Court Judge You for Repartnering During Divorce?

[45:16] Final Takeaways: Moving Forward with Caution and Clarity

🔗 Links & Resources:

1800RESPECT – 24/7 Support Service

Daisy App – Connect to Local Services

Technology and Safety Guide

Before you go Checklist - https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/opt-in

Example Safety plans template - https://yourtoolkit.com/resource/safety-plan-template/

Family Court Safety Plan information https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/pubs/fl/fvbpp#intro

The Purple Book https://domesticviolence.com.au/resources/the-purple-book/

Episode Links

Separated under one roof do's and don'ts

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2IXSOZ8vVadbcrq10DuxG0?si=RXwC_koDSD2foKqOEIENBQ

Stuck under one roof what are your options

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1i5baNjrk3XwbD1KrHC8hb?si=s-umof6ATtWWhdm893idUg

Reporting Family Violence or Coercive Control to Police

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3EZwSuK51JNZjHT8r4Wzz9?si=p5MmpiUKSmC9UqHLyfMAvw

🚨 Support Services:

Safe Beds RSPCA - check your state for details https://www.rspcaqld.org.au/what-we-do/save-animals/Pets%20in%20Crisis%20Program

1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances. This discussion is based in Australia. Warning discussions for Family Violence occur in this episode.

📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning:

This episode is for general education and discussion only. It is not legal advice. Always seek guidance from a qualified legal professional for your specific situation. Discussions of Family Violence and Coercive Control.

Listen to this episode if…

• You're in a relationship or home where you feel unsafe
• You've left but still don't feel secure
• You're not ready to leave yet but want to prepare
• You're supporting someone who may be experiencing abuse
• You want to understand how to help a friend or loved one stay safe
• You have a court or mediation event you need to attend with an unsafe ex

📌 Please remember this episode is for general information only and does not replace individual legal or safety advice. For immediate support in Australia, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

When things feel uncertain or even unsafe it's not being paranoid to think ahead. It's being prepared.

In this important episode, we break down what a safety plan actually is, why it matters, and how to build one tailored to your situation. Whether you're living with abuse, planning to leave, or simply want to feel more secure going through the Family Court, we talk through the key steps and considerations from protecting your children to securing your documents and digital life.

You'll learn how safety planning can be a quiet, empowering way to take back control and set up the support you need. I also share resources, tools, and who to call if you want help doing it safely and confidentially.

🔑 Episode Timeline: From Fear to Freedom: Creating a Safety Plan Before You Need One

Safety Plans — What They Are & How to Make One

00:00 – Introduction: What is a Safety Plan and Why It Matters Overview of safety planning and who needs one.

02:06 – Why You Might Need a Safety Plan for Domestic Violence Signs, risks, and when it's time to prepare.

03:41 – Recognising Coercive Control and Hidden Danger Signals How emotional and behavioural control can put you at risk.

07:55 – Step‑by‑Step Guide to Creating Your Safety Plan Essential steps to start planning your safety today.

09:04 – Safety at Home: Preparing for a Potential Escape Practical tips for making your environment safer.

16:33 – Safety Technology: Real‑Time Tracking and Digital Risk Understanding digital abuse and how it affects your plan.

16:57 – Important Documents You Should Have Ready Checklist of documents to keep handy for safety or sudden departure.

17:33 – Leaving Without Explanation: When It's Necessary How to plan a quiet departure without alerting an abuser.

18:10 – The Power of Code Words and Communication Safety Using discreet signals to reach out for help.

19:20 – Planning Your Escape Route: Fast and Safe Exits How to map out the quickest way out when it's unsafe to stay.

20:11 – Handling Vehicle Safety and Transport During Escape Car strategies and avoiding being blocked in.

23:29 – Keeping Your Pets Safe During an Escape Plan Options and programs that support pets in family violence situations.

24:22 – Work, Online and Tech Safety Measures Protecting your devices, social media, and work life from monitoring or abuse.

27:00 – Staying Safe After Leaving a Violent Situation Changes to routines, communication, and personal security.

27:56 – Legal Steps to Support Your Safety Plan Protection orders, police involvement, and legal safety mechanisms.

30:58 – Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone — Support Is Available Encouragement and next steps with reminder resources.

🔗 Links & Resources:

1800RESPECT – 24/7 Support Service

Daisy App – Connect to Local Services

Technology and Safety Guide

Before you go Checklist - https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/opt-in

Example Safety plans template - https://yourtoolkit.com/resource/safety-plan-template/

Family Court Safety Plan information https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/pubs/fl/fvbpp#intro

The Purple Book https://domesticviolence.com.au/resources/the-purple-book/

Episode Links

Who gets the Car in the long and short term https://open.spotify.com/episode/7CmoF5nrBhVfDlJgVyXlGp?si=uXtMvH1dRoG74CSd-7pD9w

Separated under one roof do's and don'ts

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2IXSOZ8vVadbcrq10DuxG0?si=RXwC_koDSD2foKqOEIENBQ

Stuck under one roof what are your options

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1i5baNjrk3XwbD1KrHC8hb?si=s-umof6ATtWWhdm893idUg

Reporting Family Violence or Coercive Control to Police

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3EZwSuK51JNZjHT8r4Wzz9?si=p5MmpiUKSmC9UqHLyfMAvw

🚨 Support Services:

Safe Beds RSPCA - check your state for details https://www.rspcaqld.org.au/what-we-do/save-animals/Pets%20in%20Crisis%20Program

1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia) Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning:

This episode is for general education and discussion only. It is not legal advice. Always seek guidance from a qualified legal professional for your specific situation. Discussions of Family Violence and Coercive Control.

💡 Listen to this episode if...

• You're navigating Christmas while going through separation or divorce

• You're co-parenting and worried about holiday arrangements or conflict

• You feel pressure from family and don't know how to handle it

• You're confused about what to expect from lawyers or the courts over the break

• You're worried about an emotional or legal crisis over the holidays

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning:

This episode is for general education and discussion only. It is not legal advice. Always seek guidance from a qualified legal professional for your specific situation. Discussions of Family Violence and Coercive Control.

Holidays can bring joy, but during separation or divorce, it can also bring stress, confusion, and conflict. If you're dreading the tough conversations this holiday season, you're not alone and this episode is here to help.

Mum and I walk through how to manage communication with all the key players during the festive period: your co-parent, your lawyer, your kids, extended family, and even the courts or police. Whether you're trying to set healthy boundaries, stuck living under one roof, or bracing for something to blow up we've got practical strategies to get you through it.

⏱️ Episode Timeline:

00:00 – Introduction: Navigating the Holidays During Divorce

01:52 – Communication Challenges for Divorcing Couples During the Holidays

03:10 – Should You Talk to Your Divorce Lawyer Over the Holiday Break?

06:00 – Co-Parenting Holiday Conflicts & Practical Solutions

13:19 – Managing Property Settlements During the Holiday Season

18:33 – Living Together While Separated: How to Handle the Holidays

22:55 – How to Communicate Holiday Plans with Your Kids During Divorce

26:44 – When to Reach Out to the Court During Holiday Disputes

26:57 – Understanding Court Closures & Delays Over the Holidays

28:06 – Urgent Divorce Matters: Emergency Contacts & What to Do

28:41 – How to Document Incidents for Court During the Holidays

29:16 – Handling Non-Emergency Divorce or Co-Parenting Issues

33:26 – When to Contact the Police During Divorce or Custody Conflicts

37:46 – Setting Boundaries with Family During a Holiday Divorce

39:16 – Creating Emergency Plans & Safety Measures

44:47 – Mental Health Tips for Coping with Divorce During the Holidays

47:04 – Engaging with Your Community for Support

48:07 – Final Thoughts & Holiday Farewell

Resources

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

Episode Links

From no no no to Ho Ho ho in your divorce

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3K7q02MlJr1VRteK7uJyTe?si=C1dm9sHMTV2NUuagpYllWw

Christmas & CoParenting

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3fcY2B7N0lDo8U1WAqozVz?si=i_RzkSgMSPSbMT4ZeZqDVA

Separated for the Holidays How to deal with it emotionally

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4zzVKOc0LJY3uZhnLXfiJC?si=LT0sg7wMT3OACnFHOER8AA

CoParenting without Court Orders

https://open.spotify.com/episode/05BC7rliGHpKcQ58JJzZej?si=iKR82uY6S2G-SF_XHeltQA

Handover Hell

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Pskjns3vZkLyv9FCefvxm?si=v8ILJ4p3Qi6dycn4WhEv4g

Separated under one roof do's and don'ts

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2IXSOZ8vVadbcrq10DuxG0?si=RXwC_koDSD2foKqOEIENBQ

Stuck under one roof what are your options

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1i5baNjrk3XwbD1KrHC8hb?si=s-umof6ATtWWhdm893idUg

Reporting Family Violence or Coercive Control to Police

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3EZwSuK51JNZjHT8r4Wzz9?si=p5MmpiUKSmC9UqHLyfMAvw

🚨 Support Services:

1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia) Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances. This discussion is based in Australia. Warning discussions for Family Violence occur in this episode.

📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!

💡 Listen to this episode if...

• You're preparing for mediation or trying to negotiate privately

• What to learn the potential do's and don'ts of negotiations in divorce

• You feel like your ex is "sitting pretty" and not engaging

• You want to know the difference between reasonable and risky offers

• You've made concessions early on and don't know how to recover

• You want to avoid court, but still get a fair deal

• You are in court and want it over

⚠️ Legal Disclaimer:

This episode is for general education and discussion only. It is not legal advice. Always seek guidance from a qualified legal professional for your specific situation.

⏱️ Episode Timeline: Smart Divorce Negotiation Strategies That Actually Work

00:00 – Introduction to Divorce Negotiation Strategies Why negotiation matters and how to approach it with confidence.

00:33 – Meet the Hosts + Legal Disclaimer Who we are and a reminder this episode is for educational purposes only.

01:15 – Understanding the 3 Stages of Divorce Negotiation How strategy shifts between early separation, mediation, and court prep.

03:40 – Early Stage Negotiation Tips: Don't Rush, Repackage Your Offer Using smart presentations to make your offer sound more appealing.

07:54 – Mediation Tactics: Window Dressing and Framing Percentages How to reshape your proposal to match your ex's language and values.

20:04 – Mid-Stage Negotiation: When to Turn Up the Heat Signs it's time to get firmer and more structured in your approach.

22:05 – Using Real Court Cases to Support Your Offer Legal precedents and examples that make your proposal more persuasive.

26:09 – Common Myths and Mistakes in Divorce Negotiation Misunderstandings around legal advice and negotiation timelines.

27:29 – The Risk of Delaying Legal Action Too Long What happens when you wait too long to formalize your agreement?

28:01 – Understanding Pre-Action Procedure Letters and Legal Guidelines What they are, why they matter, and how they shape negotiation.

28:58 – Using Legal Costs as a Leverage Tool How to show what delays or refusals could cost in real terms.

29:23 – Should You Mention Court in Negotiation? When and Why Using the "threat of court" wisely to re-engage a stalled process.

33:02 – Smart Strategies for Writing Pre-Action Letters How to set the tone and expectations before heading to court.

34:53 – Court Door Negotiation Tactics: Calderbank Offers and Timing Last-minute strategies that could settle your case without trial.

38:53 – Do's and Don'ts of Divorce Negotiation The best and worst moves people make—and how to avoid mistakes.

51:21 – Final Thoughts: Confidence, Control, and Long-Term Focus Why the goal is clarity, closure, and fairness—not "winning."

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances. This discussion is based in Australia. Warning discussions for Family Violence occur in this episode

Resources

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

FCFCOA Judgements - Cases

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/judgments

Episode Links

Pitfalls of percentages in Negotiations Early On

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6bxTgrdymCeW16Q7z5njUe?si=RWmY0i9eTuyWdUNQIuKNQg

https://youtu.be/o1n16TyarUo?si=hdxY73U3ZZ4gJ3Uj

Boundaries in Divorce

https://youtu.be/5KSMYe6ctVE?si=KyJGKYneiBek41fe

Costs and Calderbank Offers

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2B2Se7hTIBAOg5f5YJ5wqE?si=EUOrEmeAQCWr6BOFt3RtuQ

https://youtu.be/0OKhDB8s3As?si=Vub2ujv1mapniv8L

Divorce Dynamic, balancing power with progress

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5I3WfPNkXncss2EI5jJwD1?si=YsTIkKDXTiqFIyDN7Qwn-g

From no no no to Ho Ho ho in your divorce

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3K7q02MlJr1VRteK7uJyTe?si=C1dm9sHMTV2NUuagpYllWw

🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!

Listen to this episode if…

• You're feeling emotionally overloaded

• Everyone around you has an opinion and it's stressing you out

• You're being pushed to make decisions faster than you're ready for

• You're not sure what's a legal deadline vs. emotional urgency

• You're feeling pressure from all sides to get things sorted

• You are overwhelmed

📌 Legal Disclaimer & Trigger Warning: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances. This discussion is based in Australia. Warning discussions for Family Violence occur in this episode.

Are you feeling completely overwhelmed by your separation or divorce? Like everything is urgent, everyone needs something from you

You are not alone and this episode is here to help.

In this conversation, Mum and I walk through 8 practical ways to calm the chaos, slow things down, and take back control of your divorce journey. We cover emotional overwhelm, confusing legal pressure, and the early survival strategies that can make all the difference.

Whether you're still in shock or already knee-deep in logistics, this episode is your gentle reminder that you don't have to do it all at once and you shouldn't.

⏱️ Episode Timeline: Divorce Overwhelm – 8 Ways to Stay Sane When Everything Feels Urgent

00:00 – Introduction: Overcoming Divorce Overwhelm Why everything feels urgent—and how this episode can help you breathe again.

00:21 – Feeling Pressured to Make Fast Decisions During Divorce How panic can lead to poor choices and what to do instead.

00:28 – 8 Practical Strategies to Regain Control in Separation Overview of what you'll learn and how to use these tips right away.

00:51 – Welcome and What This Episode Covers Who this episode is for and why this conversation matters.

01:08 – The Stress of Divorce Deadlines and Decision Fatigue How urgency from lawyers, family, or your ex can overwhelm you.

03:17 – Legal vs. Emotional Deadlines: Know the Difference Understanding what's truly urgent and what can wait.

06:50 – The Emotional Shock of a Breakup Why you're not functioning "normally" and that's okay.

13:48 – Setting Boundaries with Family and Friends During Divorce How to protect your peace from well-meaning (but draining) input.

19:48 – Prioritizing Safety, Shelter, and Stability First Triage your needs: food, housing, money, transport before anything else.

23:34 – Recognizing and Responding to Financial Abuse What financial control looks like—and how to get support.

24:09 – Why Self-Care Is Essential, Not Optional Simple ways to take care of yourself when everything feels like too much.

28:10 – Making Space for Grief and Emotional Recovery Letting yourself feel, cry, and heal without guilt.

30:41 – How Learning the Process Can Help You Feel Empowered Education as a tool to reduce panic and increase confidence.

34:32 – Creating a New Divorce Routine That Works for You Using structure and small steps to take back control of your life.

39:29 – Final Thoughts: You've Got This, One Step at a Time Encouragement, next steps, and reminding you—you're not alone.

Resources

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

Episode Links

Boundaries in Divorce

https://youtu.be/5KSMYe6ctVE?si=KyJGKYneiBek41fe

🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!

Listen to this episode if…

• You're in the middle of a separation and unsure what advice to follow

• Friends, family, or Facebook have told you "what to do"

• You've heard you can't leave the house without losing everything

• You feel pressured not to bring up domestic violence

• You're confused about disclosure, super splitting, or property rights

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances. This discussion is based in Australia. ALSO TRIGGER WARNING Discussions of Family Violence

Have you been told that if you leave the house, you lose everything? Or that you shouldn't mention domestic violence in family court? These are just a few examples of the harmful myths in Australia we hear all too often in separation and divorce.

In this episode, Laura & Lyn expose some of the worst legal advice circulating in family law and explain why it can derail your case, delay your outcome, or damage your safety and rights.

They break down five of the most common (and dangerous) misconceptions, share what the law really says, and help you feel more confident about asking the right questions of your lawyer and making informed decisions.

⏱️ Episode Timeline: Episode 221 Family Law Myths Don't Fall for These 5 During Separation

00:00 – Introduction: Debunking Common Family Law Myths Why bad legal advice is everywhere—and how it can derail your case.

01:42 – The Real Impact of Misinformation in Separation and Divorce What happens when you follow outdated or incorrect legal advice.

05:37 – Myth #1: "If You Leave the House, You Lose Your Property Rights" Why leaving the family home doesn't mean forfeiting your share.

12:48 – Myth #2: "You Must Have Every Document Before You Can Settle" The truth about financial disclosure and realistic expectations.

19:40 – Myth #3: "Don't Mention Domestic Violence in Court" How this dangerous myth puts safety and outcomes at risk.

24:19 – Understanding Family Violence and Property Entitlements How abuse can affect how assets are divided.

25:19 – Should You Mention Domestic Violence in Family Court? Legal perspectives on disclosure and protection.

25:50 – Spousal Maintenance: Know When and How to Ask Why it's often overlooked—and how to advocate for yourself.

26:43 – Myth Busting: Are Addbacks Still Used in Property Settlements? Clarifying a misunderstood financial concept in family law.

28:57 – Myth #5: "Superannuation Must Be Split 50/50" Exploring how super splitting really works under Australian law.

32:16 – How to Educate Yourself and Work Better with Your Lawyer Tips for being informed, assertive, and legally empowered.

35:32 – Final Thoughts and How to Enrol in the Divorce Course Practical next steps and how to get more support.

41:53 – Listener Reviews and Community Shoutouts Sharing your feedback and how to get involved.

Resources

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

Episode Links

Superannuation and Equalising super https://youtu.be/2BQEHmIwjio?si=kWg9F8c8rh4X8HqB

🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!

Listen to this episode if...

• You've been offered child inclusive mediation and don't know what to expect

• You're worried about how separation is affecting your child

• You're in a high-conflict co-parenting situation or dealing with coercive control

• You've been told that involving your child in mediation will "help"

• You want to make informed, child-centered decisions in your family law journey

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances. This discussion is based in Australia.

In this powerful episode, Mum and I dive into a topic that's being promoted more and more in family law: Child Inclusive Mediation. On the surface, it sounds like a child-focused solution. But is it really in the best interest of your child?

We break down what child inclusive mediation actually involves, why it's not always as neutral or helpful as it's made out to be, and the serious emotional and legal implications it can have especially in high-conflict separations or situations involving coercive control.

From personal reflections to legal insights, we share why we're concerned about this process and what you need to consider before agreeing to include your child in any mediation setting.

What You'll Learn

• What child inclusive mediation really means in practice

• The difference between therapeutic support vs. pressure on children to speak up

• When this process might backfire emotionally or legally

• Why family reports may be a safer and more protective alternative

• Red flags and questions to ask before you say yes

⏱️ Episode Timeline: Is Child Inclusive Mediation Helpful or Harmful?

00:00 – Introduction: What Is Child Inclusive Mediation? An overview of this growing mediation trend in family law and why it's controversial.

01:29 – How the Mediation Process Works in Parenting Disputes Understanding how mediation fits into separation and custody discussions.

03:44 – Defining Child Inclusive Mediation in Australian Family Law Breaking down what actually happens when children are included in mediation.

05:52 – The Risks and Red Flags of Child Inclusive Mediation Emotional pressure, manipulation, and when this process may do more harm than good.

08:00 – Confidentiality Issues and the Emotional Toll on Children What children are told, how their information is used, and the psychological impact.

13:42 – The Problem with Over-Interviewing Children in Family Law Why repeated interviews can traumatize kids and undermine the process.

20:00 – Real Concerns About Child Inclusive Mediation in Practice Legal and ethical questions raised by lawyers, parents, and professionals.

21:07 – How Child Inclusive Mediation Affects Older Children Teen-specific concerns, autonomy, and the danger of putting kids in the middle.

23:42 – Family Reports vs. Child Inclusive Mediation A safer alternative? What to expect from a court-ordered family report.

24:41 – DIY Divorce Blueprint: Free Resource Mentioned How to get practical tools to guide you through separation and co-parenting.

28:27 – Key Questions to Ask Before Agreeing to Child Inclusive Mediation What to consider if this process has been suggested to you.

32:49 – Final Thoughts: Protecting Your Child's Voice and Mental Health Wrapping up with a parent-first, child-protective perspective.

Resources

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!

Listen to this episode if...

• You're newly separated and trying to figure out parenting arrangements.

• You don't have court orders yet and things are already getting tense.

• Your ex is unreliable, manipulative, or emotionally unpredictable.

• You're feeling pressured to agree to arrangements that feel unsafe or unfair.

• You want to avoid court but don't want to be taken advantage of.

Trying to co-parent after separation without court orders? This episode offers a general discussion that may help you better understand the common challenges many face during this stage. Mum and I talk through the confusion, conflict, and emotional chaos that often arise when parenting without formal agreements in place.

We explore how co-parenting typically unfolds in the early days post-separation, the general differences between parenting plans and court orders, and what can happen when one parent starts making sudden changes like; withholding time with the kids, shifting pick-up arrangements, or insisting on "rules" that were never agreed upon.

If you're feeling unsure about whether to formalize your arrangements, being pressured into something that feels unfair, or just don't know where to start, this episode provides a helpful overview, insights, and discussion points to consider. Please remember this is not legal advice. Always speak with a qualified professional for advice on your specific situation.

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances. This discussion is based in Australia.

Co-Parenting Without Court Orders: The Real Rules and Red Flags You Need to Know

Episode Timeline Summary:

00:00 – Introduction: Co-Parenting After Separation Setting the stage for co-parenting challenges in the early days of separation.

01:23 – Myths and Misunderstandings About Separation Rules What many parents get wrong after they separate—and what's important to know.

03:42 – How to Decide Where the Kids Live After Separation Living arrangements, routines, and initial decisions—without court orders.

07:48 – Co-Parenting with a Manipulative or Controlling Ex Recognizing red flags and what to consider if you're being pressured or gaslit.

13:46 – Strategies for Co-Parenting with an Avoidant Ex When your ex won't engage or avoids parenting responsibilities.

18:40 – Managing High-Conflict Co-Parenting Situations What to do when emotions run high and agreements fall apart.

20:45 – Parenting Plans vs Court Orders: What's the Difference? Legal strength, enforceability, and when each option makes sense.

24:02 – Making Parenting Agreements Without Going to Court What to include, how to approach it, and setting healthy boundaries.

24:31 – Signs You're Dealing with a Manipulative Co-Parent Control tactics, emotional abuse, and maintaining your parenting role.

25:40 – Do You Need Court Orders or Is a Parenting Plan Enough? Legal protections and risks of informal arrangements.

28:38 – What to Do When Your Ex Avoids All Responsibility How to respond when you're carrying the full parenting load alone.

31:31 – High-Conflict Parenting Post-Separation Tips for managing ongoing disputes and protecting the kids.

33:51 – When Your Ex Ignores the Parenting Agreement Understanding your rights and the next steps if the agreement isn't followed.

35:02 – When to Consider Court Orders: Timing and Triggers Knowing the signs that it's time to formalize your parenting arrangement.

40:04 – Family Violence, Supervised Contact & Legal Protections When safety becomes an issue—and what support is available.

47:43 – Final Thoughts: Stay Grounded and Protect Your Peace Encouragement, next steps, and key reminders moving forward.

Resources

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

Episode Links

The Hidden Connection between Property and Parenting in Divorce

https://youtu.be/w0-TnEjMmhs?si=_y1n3i0fejy04W2L

10 Essential Boundaries in Divorce

https://youtu.be/5KSMYe6ctVE?si=nqq4fmavJGu25Z2X

🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

📲 Don't forget to follow, rate & review the podcast if you found this episode helpful. Share it with someone who might need it too!

Listen to this episode if...

• You're divorcing or separating from someone who owns or runs a business.

• You're in a family business with your ex and things are getting murky.

• You suspect your ex is hiding assets or undervaluing the business.

• You're overwhelmed by the complexity of business valuations in divorce.

• You're preparing for mediation or court and want to understand your options.

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

Divorcing a business owner or running a business with your soon-to-be ex? You must hear this. In this eye-opening episode, Mum and I dive into the most common and sneaky tricks business owners use during separation and how to stay one step ahead.

From manipulating business valuations to hiding assets in clone companies, refusing disclosure, and even dragging staff into the mess, we break down each tactic with real-world examples and strategies you can use. Whether you're preparing for mediation or already deep in the property settlement process, this is a must-listen for anyone who suspects their ex isn't playing fair when a business is involved.

Episode Timeline Summary: Business Tricks in Divorce: 10 Sneaky Tactics to Watch Out For and Outsmart!

00:00 – Intro: Divorce and Business Ownership Understanding why divorcing a business owner is uniquely challenging.

01:06 – Real-Life Divorce Scenarios with a Business Involved What happens when you're in business with your ex—or they own one.

03:02 – Trick #1: Making the Business Seem Worthless How business owners hide value before property settlement.

08:12 – Trick #2: Starting a New Business to Hide Assets The "mirror business" strategy and how to uncover it.

09:26 – Trick #3: Issuing New Shares to Dilute Ownership What to do when your share of the business suddenly shrinks.

12:41 – Trick #4: Hiding Income and Creating Fake Tax Debts How income manipulation affects child support and property division.

17:58 – Trick #5: Refusing to Allow a Business Valuation Steps to take when your ex delays or avoids business valuation.

19:58 – Legal Disclaimer: General Education Only Reminder to seek personal legal advice for your situation.

20:39 – How Courts Handle Business Valuation & Disclosure Why you don't need full financial disclosure to move forward.

21:31 – Trick #6: Cooking the Books & Cash Deals Spotting hidden income, second books, and cash-based deception.

26:39 – Trick #7: Financial Abuse via Job Loss or Sacking What to do when your ex cuts your income post-separation.

32:01 – Trick #8: Superannuation and Self-Managed Funds Risks of SMSFs and how assets may be hidden or misused.

36:39 – Court Penalties for Business-Related Divorce Tricks When shady business tactics backfire in property settlements.

40:36 – Listener Review & Free Coaching Call Giveaway Shoutout to a listener + how to win a free call with Mum.

Resources

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

Shinohara & Shinohara [2025] FedCFamC1A 126 (23 July 2025)

https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/126.html

Shamon & Shamon [2025] FedCFamC1A 150 (8 September 2025)

https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/150.html

Episode Links

Your Business and Divorce (old episode)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0CwIeW1ZHTphzvhPdlq2Bf?si=JCtAHG7NTom5YSceqdSJ2Q

Weapons of Tax Destruction

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1Bvc2JFmgcLMpIZLIXEwVR?si=KT3UdjZRQAWjDRp3EMXhiw

DIY Disclosure

https://open.spotify.com/episode/49yOIB1GLDmXgeZCXkfyJS?si=nhgq3QQlQge-CSYLkMGKBg

🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

• You constantly walk away from conversations with your ex feeling drained, confused, or second-guessing yourself.

• Co-parenting feels more like a battleground than teamwork.

• You suspect your ex might be narcissistic or manipulative, but you're not sure what to do about it.

• You want to learn how to protect your children emotionally while staying calm and in control.

• You're tired of being baited into fights and want tools to respond, not react.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and trauma recovery. 📌 Disclaimer: This episode is for general information and education only. Please seek your own legal, psychological, or medical support for your specific circumstances.

📑 Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

💻 The Divorce Course Free Resources

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

What You'll Learn: Is My Co-Parent a Narcissist? Warning Signs, Boundaries & How to Protect Your Kids

💔 Recognising the Signs: Mia explains how narcissistic or high-conflict co-parents reveal themselves — through blame-shifting, entitlement, image obsession, and control.

⚖️ The Court Reality Check: Lyn shares why using the word "narcissist" in court can backfire — and how to instead describe their behaviours (the "ingredients" rather than "the cake").

🧱 Setting Boundaries That Stick: How to stop being pulled into chaos, manage constant conflicts, and accept "who you're dealing with" so you can regain power.

🧒 Protecting the Kids: Red flags to watch for in how your ex uses or manipulates the children — and how to model calm, consistent parenting when they don't.

💬 Parenting Teenagers of Narcissistic Exes: Mia and Lyn dive into the tricky years — when kids start echoing their narcissistic parent's behaviour — and how to hold firm without turning into your ex.

💪 Your Healing & Hope: Why the most powerful move isn't "winning" against your ex — it's rebuilding your self-trust, removing their emotional "buttons," and staying in your own lane.

🔗 Guest Expert

Mia from Grey Rock Consulting — https://www.greyrockconsulting.com.au/ Lawyer, founder, and Australia's first certified Master High Conflict Negotiation Coach (trained by Rebecca Zung). Mia helps clients and lawyers navigate high-conflict personalities with strategy, clarity, and self-preservation.

⏱️ Episode Timeline –

00:00 — Intro: Are You Co-Parenting with a Narcissist? Signs to Watch For

00:34 — Meet Mia from Grey Rock Consulting: Expert in Narcissists & High-Conflict Exes

02:11 — What Narcissistic Co-Parenting Really Looks Like (and Why It's So Draining)

13:51 — How Narcissistic Co-Parenting Affects Kids Emotionally and Psychologically

18:25 — Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist: Staying Calm & In Control

21:49 — What to Include (and Avoid) in Parenting Orders or Plans

26:22 — Custody Chaos: When Your Narcissistic Ex Twists the Rules

26:45 — Unexpected Changes & Power Plays: How to Handle Parenting Plan Disputes

27:32 — Dealing with Difficult Co-Parents Who Refuse to Cooperate

29:12 — Emotional Recovery: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

29:53 — When to Push Back (and When to Let It Go) in Co-Parenting Conflicts

35:08 — Teenagers & Narcissistic Parents: What to Do When Kids Mirror the Ex

37:38 — Maintaining Boundaries, Consistency & Emotional Safety at Home

40:39 — Becoming the Positive Role Model Your Kids Need

43:22 — Focusing on You: Self-Growth, Strength & Rebuilding Confidence

46:44 — Where to Get Help: Support, Counselling & Co-Parenting Resources

49:15 — Final Thoughts: Finding Freedom from a Narcissistic Co-Parent

Related Episodes:

Is it emotional abuse?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bSCQ3JdcU4xxW7D4LJUxG?si=VV8mR7aYS7uJYstTMYwZvg

Post Divorce Glow Up

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7JoSZEPWiMgM1N1G1C6WSU?si=HDBpOPXqTnmzzrIudA16tQ

Divorcing an abuser

https://open.spotify.com/episode/21TpYbC15VJt9lnb82Ub13?si=lonuOpx8Q22ZRrKKbArc0g

🎙️ Mediation or Manipulation?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4P1DjaMtXTq2sbel4qywew 🎙️ The Narcissist Playbook

https://open.spotify.com/episode/00kTon70LllVE97X8zn9vK

🚨 Support Services (Australia):

• 1800 RESPECT – Family Violence Support

• Lifeline 13 11 14 – Crisis Support

• Police – Call 000 if you are in danger

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and situations that may feel unsafe. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

🎧 Listen to this episode if… 💔 You've left an abusive relationship but still feel stuck, numb, or confused. 🧠 You're trying to understand why you still feel controlled, scared, or exhausted. 💬 You want to know what healing actually looks like and how long it takes. 💪 You're ready to start finding yourself again after years of walking on eggshells. 🌸 You want to rebuild your confidence, identity, and hope for the future. 💫 You just need to hear that full recovery is possible

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and trauma recovery. 📌 Disclaimer: This episode is for general information and education only. Please seek your own legal, psychological, or medical support for your specific circumstances.

Leaving an abusive relationship doesn't mean the pain or confusion stops overnight. In this heartfelt episode, Laura and Lyn are joined by clinical psychologist Krazi Kirova, who specialises in trauma recovery and emotional abuse. Together, they explore what happens after you leave the emotional crash, the exhaustion, and eventually, the glow-up.

You'll learn what the research says about post-separation abuse, why healing takes time, and the eight key stages of recovery every survivor eventually moves through. Krazi shares powerful, evidence-based insights on rebuilding safety, identity, and connection and why the "post-divorce glow-up" you see online is about so much more than appearance.

If you're in that stage where you feel broken, tired, and unsure of who you are this episode is for you. It's about hope, self-reclamation, and the small steps that slowly lead to peace, power, and joy again.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – The Post-Divorce Glow-Up: Healing After Abuse

00:00 – Introduction: Leaving abuse and why the pain doesn't stop overnight 01:00 – Support reminder: Lifeline, 1800 RESPECT, and why safety comes first 02:00 – What keeps you stuck after leaving an abusive partner 03:00 – Why recovery can't begin until you feel physically and emotionally safe 05:00 – The psychological "hurricane" of separation — and why it gets worse before it gets better 07:00 – Understanding post-separation abuse and coercive control 09:00 – How predictability helps survivors regain power and calm 11:00 – How courts are improving in recognising coercive control and trauma 12:00 – The physical and emotional depletion from years of abuse 13:00 – The "post-divorce glow-up" — and why your energy eventually returns 17:00 – How long does it really take to heal after abuse? 18:00 – What research says about recovery — it's not linear 19:00 – The 8 key tasks for healing and recovery 20:00 – Step 1: Establishing safety — physical, emotional, and financial 22:00 – Step 2: Educating yourself and re-examining the relationship 25:00 – Step 3: Rebuilding identity — remembering who you are 29:00 – Step 4: Rebuilding social connections and support networks 32:00 – Step 5: Being selective about who you let in — healthy relationships only 33:00 – Step 6: Taking time before dating again 35:00 – Step 7: Embracing freedom, autonomy, and decision-making 38:00 – Step 8: Accepting recovery as a process — patience and self-kindness 42:00 – Courts and trauma-informed change in the family law system 44:00 – Step 9: Healing mentally and physically — reconnecting with your body 46:00 – The power of community, spirituality, and belonging in recovery 47:00 – Final reflections: "It's a journey — and you are getting somewhere."

Resources Mentioned: 🧩 Kirova Psychology – Personal Resources

https://kirovapsychology.com.au/personal-resources/

📑 Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

💻 The Divorce Course Free Resources

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au

Related Episodes: 🎙️ Is It Emotional Abuse?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Vjl0I9xXUQruoAQKLVh11

Is it emotional abuse?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bSCQ3JdcU4xxW7D4LJUxG?si=VV8mR7aYS7uJYstTMYwZvg

Divorcing an abuser

https://open.spotify.com/episode/21TpYbC15VJt9lnb82Ub13?si=lonuOpx8Q22ZRrKKbArc0g

🎙️ Mediation or Manipulation?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4P1DjaMtXTq2sbel4qywew

🎙️ When Mediation Goes Wrong (And What You Can Do Next)

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4WQhunLQVtWn02k5FT7Mpv 🎙️ The Narcissist Playbook

https://open.spotify.com/episode/00kTon70LllVE97X8zn9vK

🚨 Support Services (Australia):

• 1800 RESPECT – Family Violence Support

• Lifeline 13 11 14 – Crisis Support

• Police – Call 000 if you are in danger

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and situations that may feel unsafe. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

🎧 Listen to this episode if…

💬 You've got mediation coming up and don't know where to start. 😰 You're feeling stressed or unprepared to face your ex about custody or property. 📑 You want to know what to bring and how to prepare your documents. ⚖️ You need tips for negotiating calmly and confidently. 🚩 You're dealing with a high-conflict or manipulative ex. 💸 You want to avoid costly mistakes and stay out of family court. 🧠 You just want to feel ready and in control on the day.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and situations that may feel unsafe. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

You're about to head into mediation and the very thought of it makes your palms sweat. Maybe someone just mentioned "mediation" and now you're spiraling — wondering what to say, what to bring, and how to keep calm. This episode is for you if you want to feel confident, organised, and prepared (instead of panicked) before you sit down at that mediation table.

Mum ( a family lawyer with over 35 years experience) and I walk you through the Top 5 things you need to do before mediation — practical, emotional, and strategic prep that will make a huge difference on the day. These aren't just lawyer tips — they're the real-world insights we've seen help countless people get through mediation feeling calmer, clearer, and more in control.

We'll talk about what to do if your ex is high-conflict, avoidant, manipulative, or genuinely amicable; how to prepare your documents and disclosure; and why it's so important to have a plan for both success and failure. Plus, we touch on how to handle mediation safely if there's been family violence

Free Disclosure Checklist https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

⏱️ Episode Timeline – Mediation Preparation Tips

00:00 – What Is Mediation in Family Law? A clear introduction to how mediation works in divorce and separation cases.

01:24 – Meet the Hosts: Family Law and Divorce Experts Get to know your guides as they break down practical mediation strategies.

01:44 – Listener Stories and Divorce Mediation Experiences Real listener insights and why mediation can be both powerful and stressful.

03:18 – Understanding the Mediation Process in Divorce What happens during family law mediation — and how to get the best outcome.

05:17 – How to Prepare for Mediation: Know What You Want (and Don't Want) Tips for identifying your priorities before stepping into the room.

14:27 – Creating Your Divorce Negotiation Plan Learn how to build a negotiation strategy based on your goals and your ex's personality type.

23:06 – What Documents to Bring to Mediation Essential paperwork and evidence to prepare for property or parenting mediation.

24:09 – Court-Ordered Mediation and Section 60I Certificates Explained What happens if mediation is required before going to court.

27:24 – How to Write a Confidential Case Outline for Mediation Preparing your case outline to stay focused and calm.

28:28 – Preparing for Financial Disclosure in Mediation How to gather, label, and present financial documents effectively.

33:30 – Planning for Mediation Outcomes (Success or Failure) What to do if mediation works — or doesn't.

41:59 – Mediation and Family Violence: How to Stay Safe When to use shuttle mediation, safety plans, or legal support.

45:13 – The Top 5 Tips to Prepare for Family Law Mediation Our biggest takeaways to help you walk in calm and confident.

48:41 – Final Thoughts, Resources, and Next Steps How to keep moving forward after mediation — whatever the outcome.

Resources

Central Practice Directions

https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pd/fam-cpd

Free Disclosure Checklist

https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

Episode Links

MEDIATION OR MANIPULATION

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4P1DjaMtXTq2sbel4qywew?si=t8swCVk2SoG6xaqE9I-D9Q

Can you really mediate with a narcissist

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Vjl0I9xXUQruoAQKLVh11?si=MlD8Ku1FS02PjjLjjnlokw

Do you need a lawyer for mediation?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/37Zn59zn6sVlBIU0kePY7K?si=8Ih-0c5cRLuCKOPbzVVrqw

When Mediation goes wrong and what you can do next

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4WQhunLQVtWn02k5FT7Mpv?si=h9rJo77PR3qG7_YV9obAuQ

What happens after mediation - what if you change your mind

https://open.spotify.com/episode/00kTon70LllVE97X8zn9vK?si=EmjV30k1SQWp7IcqX9Yz4Q

🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and situations that may feel unsafe. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

Listen to This Episode If You…

🏠 Have been told divorce property settlements are always 50/50 🤔 Want to understand how contributions (financial and non-financial) are weighed ⚖️ Are trying to figure out how your future needs affect your share 💰 Suspect your ex has wasted or hidden money and want to know what that means 📝 Need to know whether you can work out percentages yourself or need a lawyer 🧾 Are preparing for mediation or property negotiations and want strategies to stay strong 👶 Want to know how parenting responsibilities and children's needs affect percentages

Episode Summary

Property settlements in divorce aren't as simple as "split it down the middle." In this episode, Laura and her mum Lyn (a seasoned family lawyer) unpack the myths and realities of percentages in property settlement.

They break down how the Family Court in Australia actually calculates shares based on contributions, circumstances, and future needs — and why different lawyers might give you slightly different numbers. You'll also learn why percentages aren't always the best way to negotiate, and why focusing on dollar amounts and assets can be more effective.

If you're heading into mediation, dealing with a high-conflict ex, or just trying to understand what's "fair," this episode gives you some clarity into the confusing word of property settlements.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and financial abuse. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This podcast is for general information only. It is not legal advice. Always seek independent legal advice about your situation.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – Divorce Property Settlements Explained

00:00 – What is a Divorce Property Settlement and How Does It Work in Australia? 00:09 – How Are Percentages Calculated in Divorce Property Settlements? 01:08 – Legal Disclaimer: Why You Must Get Independent Legal Advice in Divorce 02:02 – What Are the Basics of Property Division in Australian Family Law? 02:57 – What Does the Court Consider When Dividing Property After Divorce? 04:58 – Key Factors That Affect Your Property Settlement Percentage 17:21 – Divorce Case Study: What We Can Learn from Shaman 2025 21:59 – How Do Recent Legal Changes Affect Divorce Property Settlements? 24:06 – Practical Tips and Resources for Divorce Property Negotiations 25:55 – What Evidence Do You Need for Court in a Property Settlement? 26:17 – Mediation vs Negotiation: Which Works Best in the Property Division? 29:00 – How to Work Out Percentages in a Divorce Property Settlement 32:14 – Common Mistakes to Avoid in Divorce Property Division 38:10 – What Case Law and Legal Precedents Say About Divorce Property Splits 47:05 – Final Thoughts: How to Protect Yourself in a Property Settlement

Resources & Links

• 📥 Download the Separation Under One Roof Checklist – available free to newsletter subscribers.

• Shamon & Shamon [2025] FedCFamC1A 150 (8 September 2025) https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/150.html

• Section 79 of the Family Law Act https://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html

Dajani & Dajani [2025] FedCFamC1A 28 (26 February 2025) https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/28.html

🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

🎧 Related Episodes:

• Wastage in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/0wKQog5jOCTqcCT0QowM2H?si=eoHt8lGRR2ualABIbxn4yw

• Super Split Myths https://open.spotify.com/episode/3JfL6ph18XP3ZI78UGWwqV?si=Y8m2eXJTQO-mGlY7rJSOjA

• The pitfalls of percentage negotiations https://open.spotify.com/episode/6bxTgrdymCeW16Q7z5njUe?si=CvJts4NJQTCym7aVljaprw

• Divorce Decisions : Settling vs Court https://open.spotify.com/episode/5CzRfpKm6WjRhMecZqGZPy?si=Fl-B4jxfSeinxcgSDBI_kg

🔑 Key Topics Discussed

• Why property settlements are not automatically 50/50

• How financial and non-financial contributions are considered

• The role of future and current circumstances under the Family Law Act

• How courts now deal with wastage and hidden assets

• Why lawyers may calculate percentages differently

• The risks of negotiating in percentages instead of dollars and assets

• Tips for handling high-conflict exes in property settlement discussions

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You…

✨ Are in the middle of property and custody negotiations

⚖️ Have an ex who's threatened to push for more custody unless you agree to property terms

🏡 Want to understand how family courts consider housing and children's needs in property settlement

😟 Are worried about being pressured or manipulated during mediation

💡 Want practical strategies to protect your kids' best interests and your financial future

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and situations that may feel unsafe. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

The Hidden Connection: Custody Battles & Property Splits

Custody and property are supposed to be separate issues in divorce — but are they really? In this powerful episode, we discuss the hidden connection between parenting arrangements and property settlement that many people don't realize until it's too late.

We discuss how the Australian Family Court FCFCOA actually factors in who the primary carer is, the housing needs of children, and why having custody can impact the percentage you receive in a property split. More importantly, we explore what happens when your ex tries to use the kids as bargaining chips — and some strategies you can use to protect yourself and your children.

If you've ever felt pressured to trade property for custody or worried that your ex is using threats of "50/50 care" to get more of the financial pool, this episode is for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss:

[00:00] Introduction: Custody and Property – The Hidden Connection in Divorce [01:31] Do Custody Arrangements Impact Property Settlement in Family Law? [03:36] Why Housing Needs of Children Affect Property Division [06:50] Can You Keep the Family Home for the Kids After Divorce? [08:28] When Exes Use Custody as a Bargaining Chip in Property Negotiations [11:00] What to Do if Your Ex Threatens 50/50 Custody to Get More Property [13:11] Why Judges Care About Evidence, Chronologies, and Child-Focused Behavior [16:07] Spotting Red Flags: Custody Demands Tied to Property or Child Support [21:00] How Lawyers and Mediators Handle Custody-Property Tradeoffs [25:38] When Exes Suddenly 'Step Up' Parenting for Strategic Reasons [28:12] Negotiation Strategies: Staying Child-Focused While Protecting Property [31:32] Best Interests of the Child: What Section 60CC of the Family Law Act Really Says [39:00] Avoidant vs High-Conflict Exes: How Property Battles Play Out Differently [44:00] Why Documentation and Chronologies Are Your Best Defense [46:00] Final Thoughts: Staying Child-Focused and Resilient Through Divorce

Resources & Links

🚨 Support Services:

• • 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

  • Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

  • 🎧 Related Episodes:

• Primary Carer Episode https://open.spotify.com/episode/6oZAEkj18NEcUfJPXP0FOT?si=9rZ-jNzwQfSYl0naMgUMnA

• Section 60cc Best Interests of the Children

https://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s60cc.html

• Mediation or Manipulation https://open.spotify.com/episode/4P1DjaMtXTq2sbel4qywew?si=ao8KrQ4PTZuusYrkmMZGUw

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and situations that may feel unsafe. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You… You're separated but can't afford to move out of the family home. You're afraid leaving means you'll lose your rights to the house. Your ex refuses to cooperate, acknowledge the separation, or leave. You're experiencing coercive control or financial abuse after separation.

Episode Summary Separation is hard enough — but what happens when you and your ex are still living under the same roof? For many, moving out simply isn't an option: finances are tight, safety is uncertain, and myths about "losing the house" keep people trapped in toxic or unsafe environments. In this episode, we break down the realities of separation under one roof — what the family court in Australia considers what risks and protections you need to know about, and what practical steps you can take if you're stuck. From safety planning to financial concerns, we'll tackle the most common fears people have when their ex refuses to leave or makes life impossible at home. We'll also bust some of the biggest myths, including the idea that leaving the family home means you "lose it forever." Spoiler: that's not how property settlements work.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, coercive control, and situations that may feel unsafe.

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

⏱ Episode Timeline – Separation Under One Roof

00:00 – Introduction: What to Do If You're Still Living With Your Ex After Separation 00:43 – Common Concerns in Divorce: "I'm Stuck Under One Roof With My Ex" 02:36 – What Does Separation Under One Roof Mean in Family Law? 03:57 – Divorce Myths: Does Leaving the House Mean You Lose Property Rights? 05:22 – Financial Traps in Divorce: How to Afford Living Separately 11:53 – Sole Occupancy Orders Explained: Forcing an Ex to Leave the Family Home 14:06 – Divorce Conflict: How to Deal With an Uncooperative or Controlling Ex 19:31 – Domestic Violence & Divorce: Creating Safety Plans While Living Together 25:04 – Court Orders and Safety Concerns When Separated Under One Roof 25:52 – Property Settlements in Divorce: How Renovations and Contributions Are Treated 28:41 – Divorce Property Division: What Courts Think About Home Improvements 32:31 – Post-Separation Manipulation: Recognising Coercive Control Tactics 35:13 – Children and Divorce: How Living Arrangements Affect Custody Decisions 40:29 – Separation Under One Roof Checklist: Key Questions to Protect Yourself 46:35 – Final Tips: Legal Support and Resources Available

• 📥 Download the Separation Under One Roof Checklist – available free to newsletter subscribers. 🚨 Support Services:

• 1800 RESPECT (Family Violence Support – Australia)

• Lifeline: 13 11 14 (Crisis Support – Australia)

• 🎧 Related Episodes:

  DAVIS http://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/cases/cth/FamCA/1982/73.html

  Factor 79(5)f https://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html

• How to Prove Separation Under One Roof

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2IXSOZ8vVadbcrq10DuxG0

• Who Pays the Mortgage After Separation? https://open.spotify.com/episode/4wPpEArmCbxKGXL5Czgm48?si=R_ECqP68QHu8DpyoJK_23Q

• Separation Survival: Boundaries Under One Roof https://open.spotify.com/episode/57GwZsRSE1IO8WYfLuvMNH?si=jcHw01X7QiuWYIihmY1_jQ

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek your own legal support for your specific circumstances.

🎧 Listen to This Episode If…

👩‍👧 You're in a custody dispute and want to show the court you're the primary carer

⚖️ You're unsure what "primary carer" really means under family law

📚 You need to know what kind of evidence proves you've been the day-to-day parent

😟 You're worried your ex is twisting the truth about who cares for the kids

📝 You want practical tips on documenting your role as the main caregiver

🏛️ You're preparing for mediation or family court and want to feel more confident

💡 You want to understand how judges assess who the primary carer is

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family and domestic violence, coercive control, and financial abuse. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek independent advice for your specific situation.

primary carer. What does it actually mean? How do courts define it? Why does it matter so much in custody battles and interim hearings? And most importantly, how can you prove you've been the primary carer if your ex tries to rewrite history?

We unpack the recent changes in family law in Australia, the shift away from the old 50/50 presumption, and why the courts now focus on the best interests of the children over parental entitlement. Along the way, we share practical examples, strategies for gathering evidence, and insights into how controlling or manipulative ex-partners sometimes exploit this concept.

Whether you're negotiating custody in mediation, preparing for court, or simply trying to understand your rights, this episode is for you.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss

• 00:00 – What does "primary carer" mean in divorce and custody cases?

• 02:08 – How do courts define the role of a primary carer in family law?

• 03:46 – What changes in family law affect interim parenting orders?

• 06:50 – How do judges decide the "best interests of the children"?

• 16:07 – How can you prove you are the primary carer in custody disputes?

• 23:13 – What practical steps help parents show primary carer status?

• 23:37 – When should you seek legal or psychological support in custody battles?

• 23:48 – How do you handle high-conflict separations in family court?

• 24:07 – What role do parenting plans play in custody and court proceedings?

• 25:38 – How does family violence impact child custody decisions?

• 28:01 – Do grandparents and babysitters count in proving primary carer status?

• 30:29 – What is the "first right of refusal" in custody arrangements?

• 34:39 – What evidence do you need to prove you're the main carer for your children?

• 41:59 – Final thoughts and encouragement for parents in custody cases

📌 Links & Resources Mentioned

• Cowlings Case : https://www.austlii.edu.au/au/journals/FedJSchol/2002/2.pdf

• The Purple Book https://domesticviolence.com.au/resources/the-purple-book/

• Family Law Changes episode https://open.spotify.com/episode/4nPB5tKDwMC95G9IrFXGSq?si=SeyXIoDDRN-MJy4Q513WAQ

• Family Law Act Australia Definition of Family Violence https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4ab.html

• Family Law Act Section 61DAB https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s61dab.html

• Safeguarding against unfair accusations in Family Court Custody Battles https://open.spotify.com/episode/2vgyr4S8LWECnqspEfrdij?si=-oZRAP06S7yTNGVxHyV4GQ

• Enrol now: The Divorce Course https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🆘 Support Services

💜 1800 RESPECT – Domestic and Family Violence Support 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 (24/7 Crisis Support) ⚖️ Legal Aid – Visit your state's Legal Aid website 👧 Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800

Listen to This Episode If You…

💸 Can't afford a lawyer full-time but still need legal support 📑 Are drowning in legal letters or excessive disclosure requests from your ex 👶 Want to protect your kids while keeping costs manageable ⚖️ Are considering mediation but don't know when it's safe to go without a lawyer 🧾 Want to learn how to organise your documents to save money 😟 Are worried your ex is using legal abuse or post-separation tactics to wear you down

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family and domestic violence, coercive control, and financial abuse. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Please seek independent advice for your specific situation.

Affording a Lawyer Without Going Broke: Divorce Cost-Saving Tips

Are you stuck in the "missing middle"... earning too much for legal aid, but nowhere near enough to pay endless legal bills? You're not alone. For many separating couples, the cost of family law can feel like a second punishment, especially when an ex uses the system as a weapon of financial abuse or coercive control.

In this practical and empowering episode, Laura and Lyn (a seasoned family lawyer) break down the real costs of divorce, why legal bills skyrocket, and the smart strategies you can use to keep costs under control. From disclosure to parenting arrangements, mediation to negotiation, you'll discover what you can safely do yourself—and where it's worth paying for expert legal help.

If you're overwhelmed by fees or worried your ex is driving up costs on purpose, this episode gives you the tools, insights, and confidence to navigate the system without draining your financial future.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss

• 00:00 – What you need to know before listening: Introduction and trigger warning

• 01:02 – What is the "Missing Middle" in Family Law and Divorce? (Legal aid limits and financial strain explained)

• 03:14 – How much do Family Law and Divorce lawyers cost in Australia? (Understanding legal fees)

• 07:56 – How do high-conflict exes use Family Law and Divorce to create legal abuse and drive up costs?

• 13:36 – What Family Law and Divorce strategies actually help keep legal costs down?

• 21:49 – Best Family Law co-parenting apps to cut conflict and reduce divorce lawyer bills

• 23:10 – What is the DIY Divorce Blueprint and how can it save you money in Family Law?

• 23:54 – Can you negotiate a Family Law divorce settlement without a lawyer?

• 24:35 – Family Law mediation tips: When mediation works in divorce and when it's unsafe

• 28:12 – What are Family Law pre-court procedures in divorce? (Self-representation tips)

• 30:28 – How to organise your Family Law divorce case and manage legal costs like a pro

• 34:57 – Real Family Law success stories: How preparation cut divorce costs in half

• 36:32 – Final thoughts: Encouragement for staying strong during Family Law and Divorce

📌 Links & Resources Mentioned

• Related episode: Is Your Ex Bombarding You With Legal Letters? https://open.spotify.com/episode/4xP8mJmnjAgoEeTJaqOMKb?si=mBgqHpaaRuGkzVsNdZ4VJw

• Parenting communication tools: Our Family Wizard, Our Children

• Case & Article: ABC News – Exorbitant Costs of Family Court Matters https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08-27/financial-toll-of-sydney-registry-family-court-matters/105622908

• Post Separation Abuse Playbook and what you can do about it part 1 https://open.spotify.com/episode/0frpHUd43xAsuifACUqIzL?si=4PFFP2lmSzKlrCbUfWQgNA

• Dealing with Legal Abuse https://open.spotify.com/episode/1V23F0O5yhQt9NFLPOu6uJ?si=gml77SrURsK1LGpA5MhzHw

• Protecting yourself from a narc ex in family court https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JyfH5fCoqrUoxeDj6jCtu?si=8ZmxK28ySQa5_SUY5ywkPg

• https://www.ourchildren.com.au/

• https://www.ourfamilywizard.com.au/

• Age Appropriate Parenting Plans https://open.spotify.com/episode/6MxzxwItfa1K8p9Rrnu3ON?si=Nss69o81SVK7GCpjEGcmPQ

• Legal Fees & Saving Strategies https://open.spotify.com/episode/4sIiqb89evbERnRlWfGR9v?si=9PZDyWazS7uPOjG9aLmWJQ

• Enrol now: The Divorce Course https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🆘 Support Services

💜 1800 RESPECT – Domestic and Family Violence Support 📞 Lifeline – 13 11 14 (24/7 Crisis Support) ⚖️ Legal Aid – Visit your state's Legal Aid website 👧 Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800

🎧 Listen to this episode if you… 💸 Suspect your ex has been wasting money during or after separation ⚖️ Want to understand what the new Family Law Act changes (June 2025) mean for add-backs 📑 Need to know how to prove wastage in court or mediation 🏡 Worry your savings could be treated unfairly if your ex has spent theirs 🧾 Want practical tips on disclosure, evidence, and how to talk to your lawyer

⚠️ Disclaimer: This is general education only and not legal advice. Please seek advice from your own lawyer about your specific circumstances.

Divorce property settlements just got a major shake-up in Australia. On June 10, 2025, the Family Law Act changed—and the Full Court confirmed the new approach in Shinohara & Shinohara [2025] FedCFamC1A 126.

So what does that mean for you?

In today's episode, we break down wastage and add-backs—what they are, how they used to work, and what the courts now say.

We explore:

• The difference between wastage during the relationship vs after separation

• How gambling, drugs, alcohol, or reckless spending are treated

• The risks when your ex is stalling, hiding money, or draining joint accounts

• How to prove wastage with disclosure, documents, and chronologies

• What to say to your lawyer or mediator so it doesn't get missed

If you've been scrimping and saving while your ex has been spending big, this episode will help you understand how the law now protects you—and how to raise it at mediation or in court.

⚠️ Disclaimer: This is general education only and not legal advice. Please seek advice from your own lawyer about your specific circumstances.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss: 00:00 – What are wastage and add-backs in divorce property settlements? 01:28 – How do courts define wastage and add-backs in family law? 03:36 – What are the new legal changes (June 2025) and how do they affect divorce property division? 07:12 – How does wastage during and after marriage impact property settlements? 16:25 – How can you prove wastage in court after separation? 27:13 – What kind of proof and financial chronology does the court expect? 27:34 – Why keeping a clear chronology helps in divorce proceedings 28:30 – How do you raise financial wastage issues in mediation? 29:37 – What mediation strategies and legal cases should you know about? 30:50 – How is wastage treated in property settlement negotiations? 38:34 – Why is the separation date and superannuation balance so important? 43:40 – How do you handle wastage claims with a high-conflict or avoidant ex? 48:47 – What are the key takeaways for protecting yourself under the new family law changes?

📌 Links & Resources Mentioned

• Case Update: Shinohara & Shinohara [2025] FedCFamC1A 126 (23 July 2025) ​​https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FedCFamC1A/2025/126.html

• Our Free Webinar: thedivorcecourse.com.au

• Related episodes:

• DIY Disclosure in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/49yOIB1GLDmXgeZCXkfyJS?si=eGN8WdTBQQql5-9WzT-NsA

• Legal Gatekeeping & What Your Lawyer Might Not Tell You https://open.spotify.com/episode/086JRHdfn0TGR2vyhhLD2z?si=49tG9RYPQtWFIJDOryviOw

💡 Final Thoughts The law around wastage and add-backs has changed dramatically. If your ex has been wasting money, don't give up—there are still ways to make sure the court takes it into account. The key is evidence, preparation, and raising it early.

👉 If this episode was helpful, please share it with a friend, rate the podcast, and leave a review—it helps others find the support they need.

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general discussion and not legal advice. Please see a qualified lawyer for advice specific to your situation.

🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women's Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

Listen to This Episode If You: 🗣️ Have used ChatGPT or AI tools to write legal documents 📱 Are wondering if your chat history could be used in court 🧾 Need help drafting or planning divorce paperwork 🤯 Feel overwhelmed and are tempted to "just ask ChatGPT" ⚖️ Want to avoid serious legal mistakes caused by bad AI info 🧠 Are using AI to organize your thoughts, but unsure where the line is

More and more people are turning to AI tools like ChatGPT during their separation or divorce — but is it helping… or hurting your case?

In this episode, we explore the four major risks of using AI in your divorce process and show you how to use it safely (if at all). From the scary reality that your chats can be subpoenaed, to the truth about AI "hallucinations" in affidavits, we break it all down so you don't get caught off guard.

We also share ways you can use AI smartly — for planning, organizing thoughts, or building checklists — but why you still need legal and emotional support from real people.

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is general information only and not legal advice. Always consult a lawyer for your personal situation.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Cover:

[00:00] – Can You Use AI in Divorce? An Introduction to ChatGPT and Legal Tech [00:48] – Important Legal Disclaimer: Why AI tools can't replace professional legal advice [01:29] – What Are AI Tools Like ChatGPT? Overview of how people use AI in divorce [02:41] – Should You Use AI to Draft Consent Orders? Key risks and considerations [05:47] – Can ChatGPT Write My Affidavit? The dangers of AI-generated court documents [08:14] – Why ChatGPT Isn't a Lawyer: Understanding the limitations of AI in family law [12:23] – Is AI Just Telling You What You Want to Hear? How emotional bias can show up [15:35] – Can AI Be Used as Evidence in Court? Legal risks of relying on chat transcripts [20:53] – Upcoming Webinar Announcement: Learn more about using tech in legal separation [23:26] – Are Judges Ready for AI in Family Law? How courts are adapting to tech tools [24:07] – What Evidence Will the Court Accept? Tips on using tech tools wisely [24:25] – How Legal Communication Has Evolved: From letters to chat logs [25:25] – Key AI Risks to Watch for in Divorce Cases: What the law doesn't forgive [27:01] – How to Use AI Safely: Smart ways to organise your thoughts and prep for court [29:23] – Real Cautionary Tales: What can go wrong when AI replaces your legal team [33:31] – Final Tips and Takeaways: When AI is helpful—and when it's risky

🎙️ Related Episodes

• Putting Coercive Control into writing for Affidavits etc

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Ci0M4DqznBf1L1kcZM3vY?si=Bxeequf0R3G2LNjMWGwiSw

• Divorce Survival: when you feel like giving up

https://open.spotify.com/episode/77KUxaiDS3dKQJl9ly5QtA?si=LMmJ7f0sRXqW5sFWJCb7Tg

• 12 agreements creating your own parenting plan

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6j325rOj96QvV8spPnYsX5?si=J2zhKMgqRrGgKjsh1UbicA

📌 Links & Resources Mentioned:

📞 1800 RESPECT – National Family Violence Support 📞 Lifeline: 13 11 14 – 24/7 Emotional Support

🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women's Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general discussion and not legal advice. Please see a qualified lawyer for advice specific to your situation.

Listen to this Episode If You: 💔 Feel like the divorce process is dragging on and you're running on empty ⚖️ Need legal strategies to slow things down without giving up entirely 🛡️ Want practical ways to protect your emotional energy 👶 Are trying to stay strong for your children while navigating court or mediation 💬 Need a pep talk (with a legal twist) to help you keep going

If you've ever thought, "I just can't do this anymore" during your separation or divorce, this episode is for you. Laura and Lyn share a heartfelt mix of practical legal steps and emotional strategies to help you through the moments when giving up feels like the easiest option.

From taking baby steps and giving yourself permission to pause, to understanding how far you've already come, this is part pep talk, part legal guide — designed to help you push forward with clarity and confidence.

They also cover how to handle deadlines from aggressive lawyers, the value of aligning your actions with your values, and why you're probably doing far better than you think (even if it doesn't feel like it right now).

📌 Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence and post-separation abuse.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss: [0:00] – Feeling like giving up? Here's why your future (and your kids) need you to keep going [2:00] – Five strategies to help you keep moving forward in divorce [4:00] – Strategy #1: [7:00] – Strategy #2: [9:00] – Legal ways to request more time in your case [11:00] – Recognising pressure tactics designed to make you quit [12:00] – Strategy #3: [14:00] – Why timelines help you see progress and keep motivated [15:00] – Strategy #4: [18:00] – Remembering why you're doing this — for your kids and your future [19:00] – Strategy #5: [27:00] – Handling post-separation abuse without giving up [30:00] – Setting boundaries to protect yourself from relentless contact [33:00] – Recap of the five key strategies [34:00] – Download your free "Don't Give Up" worksheet [36:00] – Final encouragement to keep going — it will end

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• Small, consistent actions are better than trying to fix everything at once

• Pausing isn't quitting — it's a strategy for survival

• Remind yourself of your past wins to boost confidence

• Stay aligned with your values and instincts to avoid regret

• Progress is happening, even when you can't see it

🎙 Related Episodes:

• When everything is spinning out of control in your divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/4f4ArIZ83EX2faBqvf4jZs?si=WQJlsOw5RAWIOGQ1PYEMCA

• BATNA in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/32goMT4kUIbZlS4NBSAvQu?si=NGX19wQ0RCCFMzvBiSXLTA

• When your mediation goes wrong what to do next? https://open.spotify.com/episode/32goMT4kUIbZlS4NBSAvQu?si=NGX19wQ0RCCFMzvBiSXLTA

• 10 essential boundaries for divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ecDTxw4rTc3zXBkcjuYpA?si=Ym0pV1ThQxWwDFH3SldYkg

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general discussion and not legal advice. Please see a qualified lawyer for advice specific to your situation.

Listen to This Episode If You… 🔍 Are heading into mediation and want to feel prepared, not panicked ⚖️ Want to make smart decisions about property and parenting outcomes 🧠 Have heard of BATNA but don't quite know what it means or how to use it 🚪 Are unsure what your "walk-away" option looks like in negotiations 💬 Feel pressured to agree to something that doesn't feel fair or safe 🧾 Want to understand your options without relying solely on court 🛠️ Are looking for practical, tips to empower your next steps

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is general information only and is not legal advice. Always seek professional legal support for your specific situation. 📌 Trigger warning: discussions of family court and family violence.

Are you heading into mediation or negotiating a divorce agreement? This episode is your practical guide to understanding BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and WATNA (Worst Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)—two essential tools to protect your future.

An experienced lawyer and mediator walks you through how to prepare your own BATNA, why it's important in family law (especially when emotions are high), and how it gives you clarity and confidence when facing tricky decisions about property, parenting, and more.

If you're unsure what's fair or fearful of being pushed into a bad deal, this episode will help you step back, assess your options, and negotiate smarter.

BATNA in Divorce: How to Negotiate Property and Parenting Like a Pro

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Cover:

[00:00] – What Are BATNA and WATNA? Introduction to Divorce Negotiation Strategies

[01:31] – How Do BATNA and WATNA Help You Make Better Divorce Decisions?

[02:29] – Why Is Preparation the Key to Stronger Negotiations?

[04:19] – What Can You Learn from Real-Life Mediation Examples?

[08:28] – How Do You Create a BATNA for Property Settlement After Divorce?

[17:09] – What Are the Steps to Build a BATNA for Parenting and Custody Arrangements?

[21:49] – What Is the Emotional Cost of Going to Court Instead of Settling?

[23:15] – How Do Courts Prioritize the Best Interests of the Children?

[24:04] – What Role Do Family Reports and Child-Inclusive Mediation Play?

[25:22] – How Can a BATNA-Based Parenting Plan Help You Prepare?

[26:22] – What Is a WATNA and Why Should You Know Your Worst-Case Scenario?

[28:04] – What Are Red Flags and Manipulative Tactics to Watch for in Mediation?

[32:45] – What Financial Disclosure Do You Need for Fair Negotiations?

[33:57] – How Can Knowledge and Preparation Empower You in Family Law Negotiations?

[39:26] – What Are Your Next Steps to Negotiate Smarter and Safer?

Questions

BATNA for Property Settlement

1. List All Assets and Debts (the Property Pool)

   • Include houses, cars, superannuation, bank accounts, loans, credit cards, etc.

   • Make sure you also list post-separation contributions (e.g., mortgage payments, childcare, etc.).

2. Identify What You Need Financially

   • Calculate your living expenses and future financial needs.

   • Consider your housing needs, especially if you're the primary carer of children.

3. Understand What the Law Might Award You

   • Review how courts typically divide property in similar cases.

   • Think about contributions, future needs, and Section 79(2) & (5) of the Family Law Act.

4. Consider What You'd Get If You Went to Court

   • Estimate legal costs, time delays, and emotional toll.

   • This court outcome becomes your BATNA (or WATNA if it's worse than a fair settlement).

5. Build a Realistic Plan B

   • Example: "If we can't agree, I'll apply for consent orders, or go to mediation, or file in court."

   • Include practical details — e.g., who will live where, interim arrangements, etc.

BATNA for Children's Arrangements

1. Write Out What's Best for the Children

   • Consider their schooling, routines, health needs, and emotional safety.

2. Outline a Parenting Plan That You Think Is Fair

   • Include time with each parent, holidays, special events, decision-making responsibility.

3. Assess Your Ex's Likely Position

   • What are they asking for? Is it reasonable? What might they agree to under pressure?

4. Research What a Court Might Do

   • Courts focus on the "best interests of the child" under Section 60CC of the Family Law Act.

   • Understand how risk factors (like family violence) may impact parenting decisions.

5. Create Your BATNA Parenting Plan

   • If you don't reach agreement, what's the next best option? (e.g., apply for interim orders, request a Child Impact Report, or attend family dispute resolution).

🧠 Want more tools like this? Check out our other episodes on mediation, property settlement, and high-conflict negotiation strategies at thedivorcecourse.com.au.

Episodes Mentioned

Master your negotiations Iron Fist in a velvet glove https://open.spotify.com/episode/7D54dfjnCBW6pfkxnbgW2f?si=il_ZZ384T2KgbzQFmzB61g

Can you really mediate with a narcissist?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Vjl0I9xXUQruoAQKLVh11?si=bFaYC3hyQjyCL67k0ZW2uQ

Financial Fairness: Spousal Maintenance and Child Support

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3S73M140m759WcOrrKms2k?si=Fz4UCZkIQmiyfcfVJ4CxBg

Disclosure the what where why how

https://open.spotify.com/episode/07olqt4NN0MQQ0Y5KiHkP2?si=kRpLYf9YRF6FCAtYAzU7Bg

Overcoming Disclosure Dilemmas

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0uOO8dKYV4NWlCfyu8FZEh?si=MsizEEDsS3y9z7CbXeCgrQ

When your mediation goes wrong and what to do next

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4WQhunLQVtWn02k5FT7Mpv?si=A70GJh9pQDSfKn6OEz7VPQ

Support Services: 💜 Women's Shelter Service: 1800 811 811 ⚖️ Legal Aid: Visit your state's Legal Aid website 📞 Lifeline (24/7): 13 11 14 👨‍👧‍👦 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 1800 RESPECT – National DV Hotline: 1800 737 732

Listen to This Episode If You: 🧠 Are considering seeing a psychologist during your separation 😨 Worry your ex might access your private or your child's counseling records 📜 Want to understand the new Family Law Act changes around protected confidences ⚖️ Need clarity on subpoenas and how courts decide what's relevant 💔 Fear that private health or therapy records could be weaponized against you 👩‍👧‍👦 Want to protect yours or your children's emotional safety during family law proceedings

Trigger warning: this discusses family violence and abuse.

In this important episode, we unpack the changes to the Family Law Act (effective June 10, 2025), giving courts new powers to protect sensitive medical and psychological records in family law matters.

We'll cover how this change helps protect parents and children from having deeply personal information dragged through court, how to apply for protected confidences, and when courts might still allow access to private records.

Whether you're negotiating a parenting plan, heading into court, or trying to support your children with therapy, this episode gives you the knowledge and questions to ask your lawyer so you can make informed decisions about confidentiality and subpoenas.

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and not legal advice. Always seek independent legal and psychological advice for your situation.

Trigger warning: this discusses family violence and abuse.

⏱ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss:

[0:00] – What's new in family law and why protecting your sensitive information matters

[0:37] – Key disclaimers before we dive in

[1:01] – Recent changes to the Family Law Act Australia explained

[1:31] – Why sensitive information can impact your safety and case outcomes

[4:35] – What counts as sensitive information in family court cases during Divorce?

[5:43] – Practical tips to keep your sensitive details protected in court during divorce

[6:48] – How the family court helps protect private and confidential information

[9:37] – Real-life examples: when and how to protect documents during divorce

[13:11] – How to make a legal objection or application to protect documents during Family Court

[19:48] – Mediation and pre-action procedures involving sensitive material during divorce proceedings.

[23:19] – How to object in family court to sharing private information during your divorce proceedings.

[23:35] – What role does the family court judge play in deciding on sensitive disclosure?

[24:42] – What happens if you agree (or are pressured) to share sensitive documents in your divorce proceedings?

[25:44] – What to do if you feel coerced to disclose private details during family court.

[26:51] – The family law legislation and family court rules that protect your privacy

[30:20] – How to balance presenting evidence and protecting yourself in Domestic Violence Family Law cases

[31:35] – Can psychologists be subpoenaed in Family Court? What happens to your child's notes?

[36:58] – How court-ordered counseling and reports may affect children during Family Court

[39:57] – Final thoughts, key takeaways, and where to get help

🔑 Key Topics Covered:

• New Family Law Act provisions on confidentiality and subpoenas

• How parents can protect their child's psychologist notes

• Legal processes for objecting to subpoenas

• The risks of waiving your right to privacy (even unintentionally)

• When private records can strengthen your case

• Balancing evidence needs with emotional and psychological harm

• Tips for speaking to your lawyer about protected confidences

📌 Links & Resources Mentioned:

• 📝 Attorney-General's Fact Sheet on Protected Confidences

https://www.ag.gov.au/families-and-marriage/publications/family-law-changes-june-2025-protecting-sensitive-information

• 📞 1800 RESPECT – National Family Violence Support

• 📞 Lifeline: 13 11 14 – 24/7 Emotional Support

🎙 Related Episodes:

• When Divorce Isn't The End: Post-Separation Abuse https://open.spotify.com/episode/1V23F0O5yhQt9NFLPOu6uJ?si=YIkUS7njRUS8tsvFunT_ng

• What is a subpoena? https://open.spotify.com/episode/4nVleHBTW9o4qOpeWhqgRt?si=KOUoIuctQs6KSf5zwq92nA

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general discussion and not legal advice. Please see a qualified lawyer for advice specific to your situation.

🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women's Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

Listen to This Episode If You…

📂 Just received your ex's disclosure and don't know where to start 🧐 Want to know how to spot missing documents or sneaky omissions 💻 Are overwhelmed by pages of financial statements and legal jargon 🔎 Need practical tips for reviewing their disclosure without burning out ⚖️ Want to understand what "full and frank disclosure" actually means 💔 Are worried your ex might be hiding assets or draining accounts

Are you staring at a pile of disclosure documents from your ex and wondering "What am I even supposed to do with this?"

In this episode, I sit down with family lawyer Lynette Galvin (aka my mum!) to break down exactly what you need to know about reviewing your ex's disclosure after separation. From tax returns and bank statements to spotting red flags and requesting missing information, we'll guide you step-by-step so you can feel confident, not overwhelmed.

Whether you're doing it yourself or working with a lawyer, this episode will help you avoid costly mistakes, stay focused on what really matters, and protect your financial future.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: We discuss divorce, separation, and high-conflict situations in this episode. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is general information only and not legal advice. Always seek independent legal guidance for your situation.

DOWNLOAD THE CHECKLIST HERE ---> https://www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/disclosurechecklist

Timeline

00:00 – Introduction to Disclosure in Divorce What financial disclosure means in separation and why it's a critical step in any property settlement or divorce process.

00:37 – Meet the Hosts A quick hello from Laura and Lynne and why their legal and lived experience can help you through this tricky stage.

00:58 – Why Disclosure Matters So Much We explain how disclosure protects your rights, ensures fairness, and why failing to understand it could cost you big time.

01:34 – What Does "Full and Frank Disclosure" Actually Mean? Breaking down the legal definition in family law and what your ex (and you) are legally required to provide.

02:51 – How to Analyze the Disclosure You've Been Given Step-by-step advice on what to do when that pile of documents lands in your inbox – and how to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

04:54 – DIY Disclosure and Your Own Research Why you shouldn't rely solely on what your ex provides and ways you can independently verify information.

06:52 – Red Flags in Financial Disclosure Common warning signs that something might not add up: missing documents, unusual spending patterns, or assets in other people's names.

19:20 – How to Handle Hidden Accounts and Unusual Transactions What to do if you suspect your ex is hiding money or diverting assets to avoid sharing them.

20:29 – The Purpose of Disclosure in Family Law Cases We talk about how courts use disclosure to assess property settlements and why honesty is non-negotiable.

21:05 – Post-Separation Contributions and Why They Matter What happens if one person has been paying the mortgage, school fees, or other major expenses since the split.

21:21 – Undisclosed Bank Accounts and Offshore Assets What to do if you find out your ex hasn't disclosed all their financial interests.

21:49 – Free Resources to Help You Prepare for Divorce Tools and services that can help you better understand and manage disclosure.

22:32 – How to Request Additional Disclosure When you're entitled to ask for more documents and how to word your request.

24:13 – When to Get Lawyers Involved in Disclosure Signs it's time to stop DIYing and bring in legal support to avoid being taken advantage of.

25:27 – Forensic Accountants and Valuing Businesses or Complex Assets How professionals can uncover hidden money and accurately assess complicated financial situations.

29:19 – Risks of Avoiding or Ignoring Disclosure Why skipping this step or rushing the process can lead to unfair settlements or future legal problems.

31:32 – Dealing with High-Conflict and Manipulative Exes During Disclosure Practical strategies to manage stress and protect yourself emotionally while navigating the process.

33:04 – Managing Overwhelm With Big Disclosure Files What to do if you're drowning in hundreds of pages of bank statements and financial records.

41:00 – Final Thoughts and Next Steps How to approach disclosure with clarity and confidence and where to get help if you're stuck.

Resources

Episodes Mentioned in this Podcast Episode

Overcoming Disclosure Dilemmas

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0uOO8dKYV4NWlCfyu8FZEh?si=0Kzow_IlQrCa3rZR4NsD2Q

Disclosure: What, Where, Why & How

https://open.spotify.com/episode/07olqt4NN0MQQ0Y5KiHkP2?si=uiY_bycbSM-AYQtgEVC1HQ

Is your ex hiding assets: how to uncover the truth

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4KbgLRFXB9r2rCz3vycZ98?si=be63VrPJSxmJlWhocW9q6w

DIY Disclosure & Discovery

https://youtu.be/u0XLjFhiK1o?si=40AGeygbn9gE1a3p

When divorce isn't the end dealing with Legal and Post Separation Abuse

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1V23F0O5yhQt9NFLPOu6uJ?si=JRFokBRaT1ivH2FW2Z3mMQ

🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women's Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You…

💔 You're worried your ex is badmouthing you during divorce

⚖️ Want to know how false allegations and smear campaigns affect family court

🧠 Need strategies to protect your mental health from the gossip

📚 Want practical legal and emotional steps to respond to defamation

😢 Feel isolated because family and friends are believing lies

💬 Need to know how to gather evidence if your ex spreads false stories at work, school, or online

Episode Summary: Are you worried your ex is trying to destroy your reputation during your divorce? You're not alone. In this episode, we unpack how smear campaigns and defamation show up in family law – from gossiping with family and friends to spreading lies at school, work, or even on social media.

Laura and her mum Lynne (a seasoned family lawyer) share why some exes resort to these tactics, how it can impact custody and property settlements, and what you can do emotionally and legally to protect yourself.

This episode is your roadmap to staying calm, gathering evidence, and keeping your credibility intact when you feel like your name is being dragged through the mud.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses family violence, false allegations, and reputational attacks. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is general discussion only and not legal advice. Always seek advice from a lawyer for your situation.

00:00 Introduction and Trigger Warning

01:35 Understanding Smear Campaigns in Divorce

03:57 Defamation vs. Venting: Key Differences

04:45 Motivations Behind Smear Campaigns in Divorce

07:32 Family and Friends: Navigating Smear Campaigns in Divorce

14:04 School and Community: Protecting Your Reputation during divorce

19:54 Dealing with Professionals and Legal Implications during divorce

22:54 Workplace Challenges and Solutions during Divorce

25:48 Navigating Workplace and Family Law

27:02 Social Media Smear Campaigns during Divorce

31:07 Handling False Accusations in Family Court

36:37 Practical Steps for Self-Protection during Divorce

39:48 Defamation and Divorce

43:58 Maintaining Dignity and Focus During Divorce

Resources

Episodes Mentioned in this Podcast Episode

Narcisisst Playbook in Divorce

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0r7udkSJm30looYILBiNIL?si=_wp6ONRhRHGlwH9gKJvuMQ

Is it family violence

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5cflNozwnWTSfqAQTjMspg?si=2Xe3F0KXTzeETCQhZ74wIw

Your child's school and divorce

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4u5SkU2R2DY0U1uyQfi7Cs?si=a5q_r3tgRs2I00S48OZXtA

Narcissistic Ex tells lies in Court, Mediation etc Seven Tips

https://open.spotify.com/episode/5SdkXhj3vC2tfO3gDdkM6y?si=SYFT9JQ-Qziug0agbertog

Is your ex telling lies in the Family Court

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2OpAGxXfx78iAO81TMPPxJ?si=_GAl64-WQtiks2pb6Tlh8g

DARVO: 8 ways to protect yourself in court

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JyfH5fCoqrUoxeDj6jCtu?si=a45z9W2WRe-yRCAy10bIRw

10 essential boundaries for a healthier divorce

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ecDTxw4rTc3zXBkcjuYpA?si=7uT3sL5EQySxdUttlMk0Kg

Navigating Parental Trash Talking

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7bxqn5I6B1HCzO9r0zKnxY?si=qjg7VTrDQw-FBu0IJOJUcQ

🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women's Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

Divorce and Defamation:What to Do When Your Ex Tries to Destroy Your Reputation

Listen to This Episode If You:

✉️ You're self-represented in your family law matter

🤯 You're feeling overwhelmed trying to respond to legal letters

⚖️ You're unsure of your rights when communicating without a lawyer

📬 You need tips for writing clear, respectful, and protective responses

🚨 You've been told you must respond but don't know where to start

🧾 You want to avoid common traps and stay legally safe

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general discussion and not legal advice. Please see a qualified lawyer for advice specific to your situation.

Episode Summary: Can you write to your ex's lawyer if you don't have one yourself? What are the legal and strategic risks—and how can you protect yourself?

In this essential episode, we break down how to navigate communication in your family law matter when you're self-represented. From tone and structure to legal obligations and emotional traps, we cover everything you need to know to respond with confidence and protect your position.

We also talk about when not to respond, what the Family Law Rules say about unrepresented parties, and what to do if the other side's lawyer refuses to deal with you directly. If you're facing legal letters, emotional pressure, or confusion about your next step—this episode is your guide.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss:

00:00 Introduction: Responding to Your Ex's Lawyer

01:45 Understanding the Stress of Legal Letters

04:13 What are the Rules for Communicating with Your Ex's Lawyer

06:31 Best Practices for Writing Legal Letters

15:43 Common Tactics in Family Lawyer Letters and How to Handle Them

19:42 Guidelines for Self-Represented Individuals in Family Law and Divorce

24:54 Handling Lawyer-Guided Mediation

25:16 When to Seek Legal Advice

25:43 Responding to Offers and Legal Letters in your Divorce

27:44 Managing Emotional Reactions in your Divorce

29:27 Timing and Professionalism in Legal Responses

31:44 Disagreeing Professionally in a letter to a family lawyer

36:26 Avoidant Personality Tips in Divorce Communication

38:02 High Conflict Personality Tips in Divorce Communication

39:36 Manipulative and Controlling Personality Tips in Divorce Communication

41:34 Amicable Personality Tips in Divorce Communication

45:17 Final Tips for Self-Represented Litigants

Resources

Case N Johnson (Appellant/Husband) and M L Johnson (Cross-Appellant/Wife) [1997] FamCA 32 (7 July 1997)

https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FamCA/1997/32.html?query=

RE: F Litigants in Person Guidelines [2001] FamCA 348 (4 June 2001)

http://www6.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/FamCA/2001/348.html?query=

102na Information https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/fl/pubs/fv-info-sheet

Related Episodes

Read a letter like a lawyer Decoding Divorce Word Salad Letters: Seven steps

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4qiOSiGK9yOrt0lEdqCudQ?si=l_8Iu5hoSZmxw2mvkajU_A

Costs & Calderbank Offers https://open.spotify.com/episode/2B2Se7hTIBAOg5f5YJ5wqE?si=7xSMeQdYQRePtZ6kHWbnfw

Divorce Deals 101 https://open.spotify.com/episode/0cjgFLg0SGCOx98WkyTnXg?si=-lt0fSQcR9qvs01P5j0_WA

Ten Essential Boundaries for Divorce

https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ecDTxw4rTc3zXBkcjuYpA?si=PCrZb2qiRW617tOB4iJ--A

Community Legal Services and Legal Aid Episode

https://open.spotify.com/episode/24RyAciJ6LAqMZpjUWXoJT?si=opezHO29QniWfu5lMUwowg

🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women's Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You…

🧾 Are trying to prove family violence in family court or to your lawyer

💔 Have experienced abuse and need to understand what counts under the law

⚖️ Want to know what evidence is helpful in a family law case

🕵️‍♀️ Are navigating post-separation abuse or coercive control

👨‍👩‍👧 Are worried about your children being exposed to family violence

📚 Want clarity on Australia's legal definition of family violence

📌 Legal Disclaimer: This is a general discussion and not legal advice. Please see a qualified lawyer for advice specific to your situation.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode discusses domestic and family violence.

Episode Summary:

What counts as family violence in Australia? And more importantly—how do you prove it in court or explain it to your lawyer? In this vital episode, we unpack the newer and expanded definition of family violence under the Family Law Act, section 4AB, and explain how each part can show up in real life—and in legal documents.

From stalking, coercive control and financial abuse, to how children are affected—we cover each part of the legal definition and give guidance on how to identify, name, and prepare evidence for your case. Whether you're writing an affidavit, preparing for mediation, or just trying to make sense of what's happened to you, this episode is here to help you take the next step.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss: 00:00 – What is this episode about and why does it matter? 00:40 – What trigger warnings and legal disclaimers should you know before listening? 02:09 – What recent changes have been made to the Family Law Act regarding family violence? 03:50 – What exactly is included in the new definition of family violence? 04:54 – How can you start gathering evidence of family violence? 11:46 – How do you prove emotional and psychological abuse in court? 17:16 – What counts as financial or economic abuse—and how can you show it? 27:58 – How does isolation and social control factor into family violence? 32:05 – Can friends or support people help provide evidence of abuse? 32:41 – What is the legal impact of family violence on children? 34:23 – How should you document incidents of family violence? 35:58 – Why are detailed affidavits so important in family court? 37:12 – When should you seek legal advice or a lawyer's help? 46:47 – What challenges might arise in mediation or court when trying to prove abuse? 57:17 – What are the key takeaways and support resources mentioned?

📌 Key Takeaways:

• The legal definition of family violence under Section 4AB

• Real-life examples of what courts consider family violence

• Emotional, economic, and psychological abuse explained

• How to describe incidents in affidavits or when reporting to professionals

• Children's exposure to family violence and its legal weight

• Practical ways to document your experience for court

Resources

Family Law Act Section 4AB Definition of Family Violence https://www.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4ab.html#:~:text=1975%20%2D%20SECT%204AB-,Definition%20of%20family%20violence%20etc.,family%20member%20to%20be%20fearful.

Affidavit DIY Kit: https://www.fcfcoa.gov.au/pubs/preparing-affidavit

Related Episodes Four things you might not realise are coercive control https://open.spotify.com/episode/37TbRPx2QlIf6IhTjIu21t?si=14F0S44DTV-auLxa1JZ7fQ

Is it emotional abuse?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bSCQ3JdcU4xxW7D4LJUxG?si=xN-N_3QpSZ6bVoiPjmvnag

Is it financial abuse?

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4wxVtk6TOSCgqCJikfk6LD?si=fg9uTg5IR3iS9TqmMZejYg

Divorcing your abuser

https://open.spotify.com/episode/21TpYbC15VJt9lnb82Ub13?si=qai60uWwRg-kbkQ5nRYvdQ

Telling your story: putting coercive control into writing

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Ci0M4DqznBf1L1kcZM3vY?si=6nY8QhxvSCuy92hPpLbfXg

Affidavits

https://open.spotify.com/episode/6aGOz28irKroZfpYwlovyo?si=D_bm7-ftRjW6rozzjMbUbw

🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women's Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You: 💸 Are weighing the pros and cons of buying, selling or renting post-divorce

⚖️ Need to understand how your living decisions affect property settlement under family law

👨‍👧 Are parenting and want to make housing choices that work for your kids

🏡 Just separated and unsure about where to live

📉 Are worried about financial risk and long-term planning

Episode Summary: Where will you live after your separation or divorce? It's one of the most important—and emotionally loaded—questions you'll face. In this episode, I'm joined by Pedro Marin, Financial Planner from Marin Wealth, and my mum Lyn, an experienced family lawyer, to explore the options: keeping the house, selling, buying again, renting, or trying rentvesting.

We look at the emotional, financial, and legal implications of each choice—and how they interact with the Family Law Act, especially Section 79(2) and 79(5), which focus on the needs of the children and future financial considerations. If you're unsure what to do next or feel stuck between financial reality and emotional decisions, this conversation will help you start to look over the situation.

Disclaimer: This is not legal or financial advice and you MUST see a lawyer or financial advisor before making any decision. We are not liable for the outcome of your case and by listening to this podcast you agree to this.

⏱️ Episode Timeline – What We Discuss:

00:00 – What's this episode about and why is it crucial for separated couples?

00:15 – Who are Pedro Marin Ramirez and Lynette Galvin, and how can they help?

00:36 – What property decisions do you need to consider during divorce?

01:42 – Why do you need both financial planning and legal advice after separation?

03:05 – Should you keep the family home after divorce? What to consider

09:42 – Is now the right time to sell your house? Key market insights for separating couples

12:49 – What should you do with lump sum payments after selling the house?

20:47 – What is rent-vesting and how can it work after divorce?

23:21 – What are the risks of renting or investing in property post-divorce?

24:34 – How does the Family Court consider children's housing needs in property settlement?

25:11 – Why is "just renting" sometimes not enough post-separation?

26:15 – Why do you need an emergency fund and solid financial planning after divorce?

28:50 – What does The Barefoot Investor say about post-separation money management?

29:31 – What are the pathways to home ownership after a divorce?

34:43 – What are the risks of property surgery after separation?

36:01 – How do you navigate home loans and bank requirements after divorce?

40:01 – What are the final takeaways and key resources for post-separation housing?

Resources

Marin Wealth Free Calculators

https://marinwealth.com.au/calculators/

Family Law Act 79(5)

https://classic.austlii.edu.au/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s79.html

🎙️ Related Episodes:

• I really want to keep the house https://open.spotify.com/episode/6TzW9skKgvO8fjm0gcFPRg?si=vUHKQ7vUS0egoexZ5QQ7Zw

• Out of the box ideas to keep the house https://open.spotify.com/episode/5RgIsTMGh7EBqqbAgIVQ5Y?si=Zct17ZGEQxaWg8xX4wEF0A Understanding Property Settlement Options in Divorce

• Future Financial Needs in Family Law: Explained

• Weapons of Tax Destruction in Divorce https://open.spotify.com/episode/1Bvc2JFmgcLMpIZLIXEwVR?si=5zrzU_AHR_KSnJ9IovdUnA

• Taking Control of your Finances in Divorce - Financial Abuse Red Flags

• https://open.spotify.com/episode/0RzZTAL7xwRo1dvGoR8Ywr?si=iNX3fN1LQJijcucOnfKvOQ

🆘 Emergency & Support Contacts: 💜 Women's Shelter: 1800 811 811 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis): 13 11 14 👨‍👧 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 🚨 DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732)

📌 Key Takeaways:

• You have more options than you think—but each comes with trade-offs

• Emotional attachment to a home can cloud financial judgment

• Rentvesting can work, but it's not a silver bullet

• Selling might feel like a loss but can also give you financial breathing space

• Legal and financial decisions are intertwined, especially with children involved

• The court considers both your current and future needs under family law

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You… 😢 Feel like your ex is still trying to control you, even after the breakup 🧠 Want to understand how emotional abuse can continue post-separation 🛡️ Need strategies to protect your mental health during negotiations ⚖️ Are co-parenting with someone who is manipulative or abusive 👂 Want to learn what psychologists say about responding calmly and firmly 💔 Are feeling exhausted, anxious, or stuck in the dynamic even though it's over 📚 Need real guidance from someone who understands trauma and divorce

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions about abuse. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: This episode is for general information only and is not legal advice. Always speak to your own psychologist or lawyer about your specific situation.

Divorce should bring closure, but for many, the abuse doesn't end when the relationship does. In this powerful episode, we're joined by clinical psychologist Krasi Kirova, who specialises in complex trauma, emotional and psychological abuse, and family violence.

Together, we unpack post-separation abuse—what it looks like, why it's so common, and how to recognise the subtle and not-so-subtle ways a controlling ex might continue to manipulate and harass you during legal negotiations and co-parenting.

Krasi shares practical tools for setting boundaries, managing emotional triggers, and protecting yourself mentally and emotionally as you navigate separation and the legal divorce process. If you're in the thick of divorce with an abusive or high-conflict ex, this episode is your lifeline.

🔑 Key Topics Discussed in This Episode:

00:00 – What is emotional abuse in the context of divorce?

00:15 – Who is Krasi Kirova and why is she an expert in emotional and psychological abuse?

00:54 – How can you set boundaries and protect your emotional health during and after divorce?

01:08 – What legal and psychological disclaimers should listeners be aware of?

01:42 – What did listeners say about our previous episode on emotional abuse?

03:13 – What challenges do survivors face after leaving an abusive relationship?

07:34 – How do you co-parent with an abusive ex-partner?

10:41 – How can you manage anxiety when dealing with legal communications from your ex?

12:34 – Why are support systems and legal preparation so important in these cases?

18:21 – How can you manage trauma and stress in family law settings?

21:01 – What should you understand about trauma reactions during supervised visits?

22:16 – What regulations and training exist for contact centers?

22:34 – Why are victims sometimes misidentified as perpetrators in court?

23:27 – What strategies do abusers use to sabotage mothers post-separation?

24:21 – What is the DIY Divorce Blueprint and how can it help you?

25:04 – How can you handle manipulative communication from your ex?

29:04 – How do you rebuild confidence after surviving coercive control?

31:45 – What are the common self-gaslighting patterns in legal processes?

37:00 – How do you create a supportive community during and after separation?

40:14 – What are the key takeaways and resources shared in this episode?

📌 Links & Resources Mentioned: 🔗 1800 RESPECT – National Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service 🔗 Lifeline – 13 11 14 – 24/7 Crisis Support 🔗 Legal Aid – Access to legal help for those in need 🔗 Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800 – Support for young people

Dr Emma Katz - https://dremmakatz.substack.com/p/how-domestically-abusive-men-continue

🔗 [Krasi Kirova's workshop – Understanding Emotional Abuse in Relationships] https://kirovapsychology.com.au/workshop/

🎙️ Related Episodes:

• Do I really need to respond to that? https://open.spotify.com/episode/30yut1I0YFLaAAMSKsRoxe?si=WdkeKNSyTuaFVmoxDM3wUA

• Is that Emotional Abuse? https://open.spotify.com/episode/2bSCQ3JdcU4xxW7D4LJUxG?si=1ryvYQmYTOm56lzuYCHiUQ

🧠 Let's keep the conversation going If this episode resonated, please share it with a friend or leave us a review. Your support helps more people find the show and feel empowered in their own journey.

ENROL NOW www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🆘 Support Services:

💜 Women's Shelter Service: 1800 811 811 ⚖️ Legal Aid: Visit your state's Legal Aid website 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis Support): 13 11 14 👨‍👦 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800 🚨 National DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) 🖤 Aboriginal Family DV Hotline: 1800 019 123

🎙️ Episode 198: The Hidden Costs of Doing Nothing – Why Waiting in Limbo Might Be Hurting You

🎧 Listen to This Episode If You:

🔁 Feel stuck or overwhelmed since separating 📅 Keep delaying property or parenting decisions 💔 Are hoping things might just "work out" without action 💸 Worry about legal costs or can't afford a lawyer yet 🛑 Feel like taking action will start a fight 🚧 Want a plan but don't know where to begin 🧭 Need clarity to move forward without fear

⚠️ Trigger Warning: Discussions include separation, family court, and financial and emotional abuse. 📌 Legal Disclaimer: General info only. Please get specific legal advice for your situation.

Separation is overwhelming—there's grief, uncertainty, and a mountain of legal stuff no one feels ready for. But what happens when you do nothing? In this episode, I sit down with my mum Lyn (a family lawyer) to talk about the risks of delaying action after separation or divorce.

From financial pitfalls to missed opportunities and emotional burnout, we explore what it really costs to stay stuck in limbo. You'll learn if waiting "until things settle down" can actually work against you—and how small steps today can protect your future.

If you've been unsure about where to start, afraid to rock the boat, or feeling too exhausted to make decisions, this episode is here to give you the clarity and confidence to take your first step.

⏱️ Episode Timeline:

0:00 – Trigger warning, legal disclaimer & welcome

1:30 – Why so many people stay stuck after separation

3:00 – What it feels like to be in post-separation "limbo"

4:45 – Common fears: lawyers, conflict, making the wrong move

6:10 – Emotional costs of doing nothing: guilt, stress, burnout

9:00 – Financial costs: how waiting can shrink your property pool

10:30 – Parenting: when not taking action can hurt your child's stability

13:00 – False hope: thinking your ex will change or agree later

15:00 – How court views delays—and why judges may not be sympathetic

17:00 – Misconceptions that delay people from acting

20:00 – What to do if you're scared of your ex's reaction

22:30 – First steps you can take—without lawyers or court

25:00 – Why the DIY Divorce Blueprint was created for people in limbo

27:00 – Reassurance: you don't have to figure it all out right now

28:30 – Final thoughts: permission to take action at your own pace

📚 Related Episodes:

• Four things you might not realise are coercive control https://open.spotify.com/episode/37TbRPx2QlIf6IhTjIu21t?si=Adxp2mmVSR62CXVWCJ8d2A

ENROL NOW www.thedivorcecourse.com.au/enrol

🆘 Support Services:

💜 Women's Shelter Service: 1800 811 811 ⚖️ Legal Aid: Visit your state's Legal Aid website 📞 Lifeline (24/7 Crisis Support): 13 11 14 👨‍👦 Mensline Australia: 1300 789 978 👧 Kids Help Line: 1800 551 800 🚨 National DV Hotline: 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) 🖤 Aboriginal Family DV Hotline: 1800 019 123