Random Number Generator Horror Podcast No. 9

Satan-loving French people are at it again

Approachability: 4/10 (Goes hard into spooky/creepy)

Content Warnings: Jump scares; Creepy imagery; Trapped underwater; Claustrophobia; Haunted House suspense

Next Week’s Film 

Patreon Live Stream: Sept 16 @ 3pm PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK (1975)

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Hosts: Jeffrey Cranor & Cecil Baldwin (Find more of our work on Welcome to Night Vale)

Editing: Grant Stewart

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“Enjoy your stay. Nothing can go wrong.”

Approachability: 9/10 (PG-Rated level scares/violence)

Content Warnings: Mild blood; Snake attack

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If you liked "Go the F*ck to Sleep," have we got a movie for you.

Approachability: 7/10 ( Silly, but way bloodier than you think it's going to be )

Content Warnings: Zombie blood & gore; Vomit

Next Week’s Film 

LiveStream Sat. Aug 26: GHOST SHIP (2002) only at Patreon

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Those express trains get you every time.

Approachability: 8/10 ( Cool/stylish dystopian sci-fi more than horror )

Content Warnings: Creepy Imagery; Blood/gore; Suicide; Hypodermic Needles

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This movie brings to mind the old Cameo phrase: "Aowwww"

Special Guest: Symphony Sanders 

Approachability: 5/10 ( Very 80s gross-out FX )

Content Warnings: Blood/Gore; AIDS; Sexual Assault

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Who are you?

Special Guest: Janina Matthewson 

Approachability: 3/10 ( Smart, complex film that's very very intense )

Content Warnings: Stalking; Rape; Disassociation; Blood/Gore; Gaslighting

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Unlock the car door, Chad. Chad! Chad!!!

Approachability:  2/10 ( It has ALL the horror movie bells & whistles )

Content Warnings: Violent sexual assault; Date rape; Gaslighting; Blood/gore; Hand-held/shaky footage throughout; Jump scares

Alternate Ending 

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What if Alien… but with titties?

Approachability: 3/10 ( Action/Sci-fi more than horror, but still lots of gore & jump scares )

Content Warnings: Body horror; Violent Sexual Assault; Kidnapping/Torture; Blood/Gore; Jump scares

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Tonight, on a very special episode of Drink Masters…

Approachability: 7/10 ( Tense scary, not gory scary or jumpy scary. )

Content Warnings: Sexual Assault; Domestic violence; Racist caricature

Next Week’s Film 

Live Stream 7/15 @ 3pm ET: THE MENU (2022). Only $5 at our Patreon

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They are not communists or immigrants. They are ants. That's all.

Special Guest: Andrew Scahill 

Approachability: 9/10 ( Papier mache ants! )

Content Warnings: Giant Bugs; Creepy kid; Jump scares

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I wish I loved anything as much as Diana loves eating guinea pigs

Approachability: 8/10 ( Soap opera-level horror; Silly and fun)

Content Warnings: TV level of blood/gore; Lizard people; Prisoner (sexual) abuse; Suicide

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If you outlaw armpit pincers, only outlaws will have armpit pincers

Approachability: 3/10 ( Mostly sick and sometimes silly zombie body horror )

Content Warnings: Blood/gore; Body horror; Sexual assault; Infant death

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A how-to on churning butter and milking your axe handle

Approachability: 7/10 ( Not scary, more disturbing, like a tour of a torture museum )

Content Warnings: Medieval torture; Witch burnings; Elder Abuse; Gaslighting; Entrapment

Next Week’s Film 

LiveStream June 17: SHIN GODZILLA (2016) Join us at patreon.com/randomhorror9

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A gentle, optimistic film about the benevolence of strangers

Approachability: 1/10 ( Bleak, tragic, terrifying home invasion pic )

Content Warnings: Home Invasion; Child Death; Dog Death; Physical/Psychological Torture 

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Therapy: The Movie

Approachability: 6/10 ( Absurd, sometimes gory, dark comedy )

Content Warnings: Dissociation; Suicide; Blood/Gore

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FOR RENT: 2 Bed/2 Bath Apt, Stunning View, 12ft Ceiling, Hellmouth in Basement

Approachability: 7/10 ( Standard 1970s Catholic Church vs. Satanic Ghosts story )

Content Warnings: Suicide; Child abuse; Animal death; brief graphic blood/gore; Catholic chauvinism; general creepiness

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For the last time, y'all, you shoot the zombies in the head.

Approachability: 2/10 ( Super violent action/horror )

Content Warnings: Bloody gun violence; Zombie gore; Anti-Asian epithets; Threats of sexual assault

Next Week’s Film 

Patreon Live Show May 20: BARBARIAN (2022)

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How do Leprechaun work?

Approachability: 8/10 (Too silly to be scary )

Content Warnings: Spider; Strong, silly violence

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Witch, please

Special Guest: Sarah Maria Griffin 

Approachability: 8/10 ( More teen drama/thriller than horror )

Content Warnings: Suicide, Racist & Sexist Bullying, Domestic Abuse, Date Rape; Snakes/Spiders/Bugs/Etc.

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Say, that's a funny-looking card deck, pal

Special Guest: Symphony Sanders 

Approachability: 9/10 ( Cheesy 1960s spooky stories )

Content Warnings: Animal Death, Suicide

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Do what mirror demon says and Fill the Bowl

Approachability: 6/10 ( Gory but not alltogether scary supernatural thriller )

Content Warnings: Suicidal ideation; Body mutilation; Graphic violence; Depression

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Be the Aunt Martha you wish to see in the world.

Special Guest: Anthony Hudson 

Approachability: 4/10 ( 80s-style camp killer camp classic )

Content Warnings: Harmful Transphobic Tropes; Child death; Child Sexual Assault; Blood/Gore; Vomit

Read BJ Colangelo's essay "Going Back To SLEEPAWAY CAMP: Revisiting The Problematic Classic"

Next Week’s Film 

Patreon Live Stream Apr 15 @ 3pm ET: THE ORPHANAGE (2007) patreon.com/randomhorror9

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Ask your doctor which Demon of the Prairie is right for you.

Approachability: 8/10 ( Arthouse prairie thriller)

Content Warnings: Infant death; animal death; suicide; blood

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Approachability:  9/10 ( Spooky, smart, sometimes surreal pre-code thriller )

Content Warnings: General spookiness

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They probably should have gone to Barcelona.

Approachability: 1/10 ( Super smart film, but it still goes hard )

Content Warnings: Graphic torture/mutilation; Overt misogyny/racism/homophobia

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The Oscar for best use of "star wipe" goes to…

Approachability: 9/10 ( It's a PG comic book movie, not a horror. )

Content Warnings: Mild blood; Monster mutations; snake

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Imagine Johnny Depp as a shitty boyfriend

Approachability: 3/10 ( Stylish & scary with a bonus blood geyser )

Content Warnings: Stalking/Slasher deaths; Blood/Gore; Suicide

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Gimme that old time religion. 

Approachability: 8/10 ( Prestige tv series that is mostly horror adjacent )

Content Warnings: Infant death; Sexual Assault; Animal harm/death; Child sexual assault; Suicide

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God's judgment is clear, but what about OSHA's?

Special Guest: Chris Brown (Check out the trailer for Chris' new film Darkest of Lies)

Approachability: 9/10 ( Documentary about fundamentalist Christian haunted house )

Content Warnings: Flippant/campy depictions of: rape, domestic violence, suicide; Homophobia;

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It was CAPITALISM that killed the beast.

Approachability: 7/10 (Legitimate thriller, for a 90-year-old film)

Content Warnings: Old-timey misogyny; super racist caricatures; monster attacks; animal death

Next Week’s Film

Patreon Live Stream Feb 19: The Happiness of the Katakuris (2002)  patreon.com/randomhorror9

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I'm sorry, Mr. Burton, but Hollywood has a 4-montage limit.

Approachability: 9/10 (More of a lightly-dark comedy about vampires than a horror movie)

Content Warnings: Suicide; Mental institution abuse

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Cook like an Egyptian...

Approachability: 8/10 (Gory/bloody but in the most campy way possible)

Content Warnings: Stalker/Killer; silly-looking blood

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Your standard Lovecraftian/Modern Dance/Cold War/Divorce Drama

Approachability: 3/10 (Brilliant, but a tough watch for the squeamish)

Content Warnings: Emotional abuse/manipulation; Physical domestic violence; Graphic miscarriage; Bodily possession; Child death; Slimy tentacle beast; Suicide; Dog death; Blood/gore

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"Hail to the king, baby"

Special Guest: Alex Steed 

Approachability: 9/10 (Fantasy action comedy w/vague horror elements)

Content Warnings: Cartoonish blood, demons

Jan 21 Patreon Live Stream: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) 

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We have a feeling that this is not at all the final chapter.

Special Guest: Dan McCoy https://whiskeyflicks.com/

Approachability: 3/10 (Predictable, yet creative kills; But that plot, eek.)

Content Warnings: Graphic death sequences; Jump scares

Jan 21st Patreon Live Stream: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

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If by "chopping," you mean "lasers to the face," then yes, this title works.

Approachability: 5/10 (Boobs, blood, and beer. It's another 80s horror flick)

Content Warnings: Blood/gore; Jump scares; spiders; snakes

Jan 21st Patreon Live Stream: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

Friday the 13th Bonus Episode

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Bands today just don't hail satan quite like they used to.

Special Guest Brie Williams https://twitter.com/briezillionaire

Approachability: 7/10 (Silly and cheap with a bitchin’ 80s hair metal soundtrack)

Content Warnings: Murder; Mild blood; Monsters

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PSA: Don't surprise people with pets as Christmas gifts

Approachability: 7/10 (Silly but still scary )

Content Warnings: Jump scares; Blood/gore (mostly Gremlin deaths)

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That's not a Christmas movie… THIS is a Christmas movie.

Approachability: 8/10 (Beautifully-shot slow-burn drama)

Content Warnings: Non-simulated animal death; Suicide; Men

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The weirdest episode of LOVE IT OR LIST IT ever

Special Guest: Sarah Maria Griffin 

Approachability: 1/10 (Holiday Inn Express - New Orleans-style)

Content Warnings: Graphic (and creative) Gore; Spiders

Patreon Live Stream Sun Dec 18 @ 3pm ET: The Descent (2006) 

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Dr. Carl Hill was a Head of his time.

Approachability: 2/10 (Your standard Lovecraftian body-horror gross-out comedy)

Content Warnings: Body Horror/Gore; Animal death; Sexual Assault

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A tour-de-force by America's Finest Karen

Approachability: 6/10 (Campy and low-rent and mostly fun)

Content Warnings: Drugging/Sexual Assault; Racist imagery; Jump scares

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Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

Approachability: 1/10 (Super gory zombie apocalypse / Shakespearean tragedy )

Content Warnings: Animal death; Graphic gore; Graphic child/infant death.

Up Next: Trilogy of Terror (1975) 

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New phone. Who's this?

Approachability: 5/10 (Tense (but not overly gory or jumpy) thriller about child abduction.)

Content Warnings: Parental child abuse, Child abduction/imprisonment, Violent bullying, Bloody murder

Up Next: Blood Quantum (2019) 

Nov 19 Live Stream: Over the Garden Wall (2014) 

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Hey Random Horror 9 listeners, so I, Jeffrey Cranor, and Joseph Fink have a brand new fiction podcast. It's the first we've made together since Welcome to Night Vale. 

It's called UNLICENSED, and here is episode 1: "The Detective of Citrus Avenue."

All episodes of Season 1 are available right now at audible.com/unlicensed. So if you sign up for their 30 day free trial, you'll have plenty of time to listen to all 12!

Cecil and I will be back on Tuesday, Nov 15, with a new episode of Random Horror 9!

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Who's a good boy? Is it you? It IS you!

Approachability: 3/10 (It’s a war movie but with werewolves.)

Content Warnings: Graphic Blood/Gore; Animal Death; Jump scares

Up Next: The Black Phone (2021) 

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A post-WWII German village in Chile? That seems perfectly fine, and not sinister at all.

Approachability: 9/10 (Beautiful, stunning arthouse creepfest)

Content Warnings: Disturbing abstract visuals; Cultish emotional abuse; Based loosely on true story of a village run by a child-sexual-predator and Nazi soldier.

Up Next: Dog Soldiers (2002) 

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Hosts: Jeffrey Cranor & Cecil Baldwin (Find more of their work on Welcome to Night Vale)

Editing: Grant Stewart

Logo: David Baldwin

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Twitter, Letterboxd, & Instagram: @RandomHorror9

We are part of Night Vale Presents

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Please. Call me Sam. Mister Hain was my father.

Approachability: 4/10 (Not a lot of scares. But plenty of weird/gory practical effects. )

Content Warnings: Gory/creative deaths, Child death

Up Next: The Wolf House (2018)

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Hosts: Jeffrey Cranor & Cecil Baldwin (Find more of their work on Welcome to Night Vale)

Editing: Grant Stewart

Logo: David Baldwin

Random Horror 9 Patreon

Twitter, Letterboxd, & Instagram: @RandomHorror9

We are part of Night Vale Presents

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Leave the horse. Take the clown truck.

Special Guests: Jonny & Aileen of ¡Uy Que Horror! 

Approachability: 9/10 (Super campy B-movie)

Content Warnings: Gross creatures; Animal death; Suicide; Loud scream-scares; Sexual assault

Up Next: The Wolf House (2018) 

Oct 31 Bonus Ep: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) 

LiveStream Oct 29: Pulse (2001) 

RandomHorror9 T-Shirts!

Hosts: Jeffrey Cranor & Cecil Baldwin (Find more of their work on Welcome to Night Vale)

Editing: Grant Stewart

Logo: David Baldwin

Random Horror 9 Patreon

Twitter, Letterboxd, & Instagram: @RandomHorror9

We are part of Night Vale Presents

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"Where's it at, Monistat?"

Approachability: 6/10 (More satirical than scary)

Content Warnings: Blood/Gore, Violent Misogyny

Up Next: The Day of the Triffids (1962) 

RandomHorror9 T-Shirts!

Hosts: Jeffrey Cranor & Cecil Baldwin (Find more of their work on Welcome to Night Vale)

Editing: Grant Stewart

Logo: David Baldwin

Random Horror 9 Patreon

Twitter, Letterboxd, & Instagram: @RandomHorror9

We are part of Night Vale Presents

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices